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Ul’dah had many nooks and crannies that adventurers didn’t know about if they were just passing through. But with Thancred playing as a tourist guide, (Y/N) found about the most hidden yet exquisite places. After things had calmed down with the Empire, it had become their favorite pastime, visiting one Thandcred’s-special-recommendation after the other every evening.
Even though (Y/N) wasn’t too keen on having alcohol every night, she enjoyed the time with Thancred. Especially since he wasn’t going out with someone else, which was a rarity as she knew. Also, her heart fluttered anyway, whenever he asked to join him. So, (Y/N) tagged along and enjoyed herself, knowing that the next crisis that needed the Warrior of Light won’t be far away.
“… and then Urianger thought, we took out his books for trash!” Thancred laughed and gulped down his ale. He closed his eyes, savoring each gulp.
(Y/N) smiled happily and started drinking, too, watching her companion over the rim of her mug. She wasn’t too sure whether it was the alcohol or his laugh that made her feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Soft music was playing in the background through an orchestrion. The bar wasn’t too crowded and gave a cozy feeling with its dim light.
While (Y/N) normally just had this one mug, the rogue would have a few more, always just short of being dead drunk. Every night he made sure that she got home safely, but it only eased his mind while she was worried whether he made it home at all.
As her eyes wandered from his throat moving with every gulp to his hand, she noticed it trembling slightly. For a moment, (Y/N) stopped, then she set down the mug softly and searched for his eyes.
With a satisfied sound, Thancred slammed his mug down. Seeing (Y/N) staring at him, his smile wavered for a moment as he asked: “Is something the matter?”
“No,” (Y/N) started, tracing the rim of her mug, “I just noticed that I haven’t asked you how you’ve been yet. Ever since … the Praetorium, you know?”
Thancred seemed to be stunned for a moment. Then he simply laughed and waved with his hand. “Don’t you worry about me! I’m a strong boy, am I not? It’s nothing that could get me down that easily!”
Lies. The moment he started speaking, (Y/N) had averted her eyes again. Only to look down to his hands. The grip around his mug has tightened, while the free hand that had been trembling just up until now was clenched to a fist now.
(Y/N) could have slapped herself if she hadn’t been in public right now. She should have known. She should have asked. There was no way he would get over it that quickly. Not if it was guilt that brought him to that despair in the first place.
She must had shown it on her face, as the smile now finally slipped from Thancred’s face. He looked at her in worry – even though it should have been her who was worried. “Hey,” he started in a low voice, “is everything alright? I told you not to worry about me.”
Although the Hyur looked her straight in the eye when he said that – or maybe because he did that, she could see that he didn’t believe his own words. There was a flicker in his gaze. Maybe he thought that he was skilled at lying which came with the profession. But he didn’t know that she had been watching him for so long.
The last time she saw that flicker in his eyes, she hadn’t been able to interpret it. She had seen it, yes, the way he averted everyone’s gaze, the way he wrung his hands when he was in thought, the frown that seemed to deepen with every day. Had she been able to read him at that time, maybe she could have helped him. Maybe this all wouldn’t have happened …
“(Y/N), shall I bring you home? You don’t look so good.” Thancred had risen from his seat and was towering over (Y/N). His head was just above hers, looking her straight in the eye. Some coins had been tossed carelessly onto the table.
As (Y/N) stared into those brown eyes, her face became hot. Her whole body began to tremble. For a moment, she pressed her lips onto each other. Trying her best to hold back. But as they kept staring into each other’s eyes – his eyes so full of worry, she became angry. So, so angry! The warm feeling in her chest faded away into burning anger.
“Why are you the one worried about me?!” Those words just burst out of her. “You never talk about anything! You just let everything sit on you until it gets too much! You’d rather keep your cool face instead of letting anyone see your weakness! If you had just talked, it wouldn’t have happened! Even now you won’t talk!”
Screaming at him like that, she began to lose her breath. But she wasn’t done yet. Maybe the alcohol had been stronger than she had anticipated. “I was so happy that you showed me around! I was just so so happy! It looked like you wanted to have a good time with me, but in the end, you just wanted to drink your own fear away! Aren’t you ashamed to use me like that?!”
Tears welled up in (Y/N)’s eyes. There had been some things she didn’t want to say. But now everything just got out like that. At least Thancred seemed to feel some remorse.
His mouth had slightly opened during her tantrum. He closed and opened it again a few times. For a moment, it looked like he was ready to talk about it. But then he just grabbed her by her arm.
“You’re drunk. Let’s go.”
Thancred pulled (Y/N) to her feet and dragged her to the door.
For a moment, (Y/N) fought to free herself from his strong grip. It hurt, both his touch and her fighting back. But she kept on and the moment they got out of the bar, she freed herself. “I am not drunk!” she shouted. “If anyone is drunk, then it is you!”
She couldn’t read Thancred’s face in the first moment. He was one step ahead of her. His back turned to her.
But she saw his back tremble. His shoulders heaved up and down with every breath he took.
His silence was like a dagger through her heart. But this might be the Thancred he had been hiding all along.
(Y/N) held her breath in anticipation.
Then came the breakdown.
“What do you expect me to do?!” His shout stopped a few passersby that turned to them. “Things have to keep going, we can’t dwell on what has happened!”
Thancred turned around. His white bangs flew around his brown eyes. “Everyone has done their best not to blame me. To welcome me back with open eyes! I can’t let their sentiment go to waste! Just let me keep going on as if everything has gotten better!”
His voice began to break. A sound that made (Y/N)’s heart shatter. She had waited for this but as he shouted at her in despair, she couldn’t even let the tears in her eyes fall. With a soft voice, she tried to implore him: “But that is what started this in the beginning. You should talk about your feelings. If you keep them to yourself like that, it will become your weakness again!”
“Do you want the others to think of me as insane?!” Thancred took a step towards her. All his demeanor looked like he was about to fight her. Yet his eyes told of his desire to run away. “Shall I tell them, that sometimes I still hear his voice? His whispers in the back of my head?!”
Slowly, he raised his two hands and stared at them, his whole body trembling. “Now, whenever we mention the primals, we mention the tempered, fear creeps back in and his voice gets louder. What can I do … what should I do to make it go away?!”
The tremble in his voice rose. His gaze became unfocused. It looked like he was falling into a bottomless hole.
Alarmed, (Y/N) reached out and pulled him into her arms. She wrapped them tightly around him, fearing that he might disappear the moment she let go. “Talk to me,” she begged. “Whenever he’s talking to you, come to me and talk to me. We’ll make him go away together. But don’t drown his voice with alcohol!”
“I can’t possibly always turn to you, whenever I need help.” Thancred’s voice had become muffled by the cloth on her shoulder. “You are the Warrior of Light, the hero of this realm. You are there for everyone, you can’t and shouldn’t be there for me every time I don’t have myself together.”
“Please, please don’t say that, Thancred …” (Y/N) tried to stroke over Thancred broad back, keeping her voice as soothe as possible. “I will be there for you, whenever you need me. I promise.”
If he just said the word, she would just be there for him. Be only his hero, helping through his nightmares. But as she has always looked at him, he had never looked at her that way. In the beginning, he was curious about her as someone who was gifted with the Echo. Then he saw her as comrade and colleague. Now he respected her as the hero everyone was worshipping her. He saw so much, but he never saw her for the woman she was.
The realization stung in her chest, while outside she was feeling the warmth of his body, his voice so near to her ear.
“I don’t even know how to walk next to you,” Thancred whispered. His words now interrupted by sobs. “With your gift, you will always remain the same. No matter what foe you face, you will be yourself, keep your stoic face through it all. But for me, there just needs to be something slightly different and I lose it.”
His hands tightened around her arms again, pressing so strongly, that it hurt again. But with his now so fragile body against hers, the pain she felt must be just a fraction of what he was feeling.
“How could I ask for your help if there might be a day where I’m not even myself anymore?! I am so afraid to lose myself. That things will go wrong the moment nothing’s holding me anymore.”
“I will keep you from becoming tempered.” (Y/N)’s voice was so soft; she almost couldn’t hear it herself. But as the conviction set it, her voice became steadier. “And if it happens, whatever it takes, I’d find a way to cure you then. But I won’t let that happen. I’ll hold you whenever you need it. I’ll be there.”
When (Y/N) said that, she held him tighter to emphasize her words.
It became quiet around them. Some people had been looking to them when they passed by. But as it had grown late, the amount of people had become less. Now (Y/N) could only here the flame in the lamp next to them flicker, as even Thancred had gone quiet, too.
Then a chuckle. Carefully, the Hyur pushed himself away. With a loving look, he stroked her bangs out of her face, then patted her head. “You truly are the hero everyone has been waiting for. Everyone is going to believe you, when you tell them that, thank you.”
He smiled brightly as if to give the lie to the wetness she felt on her shoulder where he had been just moments ago.
“Now, shall we take you home? It’s gotten late, after all.” Keeping his smile on his lips, he turned around to face the direction they needed to go.
(Y/N) tried to keep his gaze. She clenched her chest when he didn’t even linger for a moment. Maybe he was dense and truly thought of her words as words she would tell anyone to lift their spirits. But maybe he knew and chose to not understand.
Left in the uncertainty, (Y/N) also put the mask of a smile on her face. She passed him by, as she did her best to keep her voice steady despite lump in her throat: “Well then. I hope you have a better location tomorrow. The ale here was awful, we’ll both have a headache by tomorrow morning.”
“As you wish, ma’am.”