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Chapter Text

Prologue: Most of people think that Sherlock is the one making lots of trouble, but he did nothing comparing to my actions.They don't know me, they think Violet and Siger Holmes have only two children.

They are wrong.

There is also me, Sherrinford.

The Third Holmes, the youngest.

I am the most troubled one, most untrusted.  When I was a child, Sherlock and I were close. I was always getting along with Sherlock more than Mycroft. Maybe it's because I'm just three years younger than Sherlock. Moreover, Mycroft was always in the boarding school and they could only see him on the weekends. Climbing on a tree and making deductions about people walking on the street was the biggest entertainment for us in that time. I always liked making deductions, but Sherlock was always better than me. 

August 12th, 1988

''Did you see that woman walking with her dog?'' said Sherlock. They were sitting on the brench of a three and watching people.''She has no ring, but she had a wedding ring on her finger yesterday. What does that mean?'' 

''She is going to divorce him.'' said Sherrinford. ''Or?'' asked Sherlock with a knowing look. ''Or she is cheating on her husband.'' 

''Exactly!'' said Sherlock. ''Look at her; stagy bag, heels and make up, they are all matching. Look at her dress, women don't dress like that when they take their dog for a walk, she is obviously going to a date. If she was going to meet her husband, she would wear her wedding ring. Also, she took the dog with her, why?''  '

'Because she used the dog for leaving the house.'' 

''Yes, that's correct.'' said Sherlock with pride. Sherrinford was as clever as him. They didn't know they were geniuses until they started to go to school. Thanks to Mycroft.

When I was a child, Sherlock was my hero. He was the only one protecting me, telling me I wasn't a freak. We were special, we could see things that people couldn't. Actually, he is still my hero, although I haven't seen him for years. How could I? After all those years, I finally had the courage to meet him. But then I saw the newspapers. Suicide of the fake genious. He's dead, that's what they say. But they are wrong. Sherlock is a genious, he wouldn't kill himself. He never cared the other people. Why it bothers him now? He's in somewhere, I know that.  Because he always finds a way.  It's your right to ask me why I haven't seen him for years. I need to tell you everything before the start. Otherwise, you wouldn't understand.

January 6th, 1989 

Today's Sherlock's birthday who is turned into ten years old. He wasn't excited because he could always guess our parents' gift, but their gift was a complete surprise this time. Neither Sherlock nor Mycroft and I wouldn't except this. There was a big, red dog in front of them. 

' 'Did you like your gift, Sherlock?'' asked Violet.

''I love it! Thank you!'' said 10 year old Sherlock before giving them a tight hug. That wasn't something you can see everytime. When he pulled himself back, we, Sherlock and I, started playing with the dog. Mycroft had more important things to do. 

''What are you going to name him?'' asked Siger.

''I haven't decide it yet.''

 ''I found a name!'' I said excitedly.

''What is it?'' asked Sherlock.

''Let's call him..'' he tooka  deep breath. ''Redbeard!''  '

'It suits him.'' said Violet. ''I agree.'' said Sherlock. ''Welcome our home, Redbeard.''

 Redbeard was so important for us. He was symbolizing our relationship. When they put him to sleep when I was 12, we both knew nothing was going to same again. 

April 23rd, 1994

''Sherlock, Sherrinford, we have to talk about something.''

''What is it, father? You both look so serious.'' said Sherlock.

''Redbeard isn't very well, he's sick.'' 

''Is he going to be okay?'' 

''Unfortunately no, he won't. We have to put him to sleep.''

''You can't do this!'' said Sherlock. That's not fair! 

''I am sorry Sherlock.'' said Siger sadly.

''But we have no choice, we have to do it.'' 

''No!'' 

''What does it mean?'' I asked.

' ' They will kill Redbeard!'' shouted Sherlock. ''They will give him a fatal injection!'' '

'He is already going to die.'' said Siger. ''But if we don't do it, he will suffer. Do you want him to suffer before he dies?''

''No, of course we don't!''

''Then, you must understand. It's not easy for me neither.''

I was about to cry. I knew Sherlock was too. Redbeard has become our best friend since Sherlock's 10th Birthday. We didn't want him to die. But that didn't work.  They didn't have a choice. Both Sherlock and I knew if there was another way, they wouldn't put him to sleep.  But that didn't make us feel better.  After that day, we seperated. Sherlock went to a boarding school, but I was still there. Mycroft started his senior year in the university. He was going to graduate in June. I felt lonely without Sherlock being there with me. He was my only friend. People in my school were so stupid. Fortunately, I was skipped to a further class, but the feeling was still there.

When I started to high school, I was completely lost.  

September 16th, 1996  

High School, finally! I can be with Sherlock again. I know he's going to graduate in June, but at least we have an entire year together.  I was going to understand very soon that I was wrong.  This Sherlock was completely a different person. When I looked at him, I saw things that I didn't expect.

Haven't been sleeping for three days. Depressed. Aimless. Suicidal. Drug Addict. 

Wait...

Suicidal? Drug Addict? 

What is happening to Sherlock? 

Chapter Text

Episode 1: The New Sherlock

September 24th, 1996

Sherlock is avoiding me.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Those deductions that I made... I don't want them to be true. What if I'm right? He was looking so pale. I've never seen him like this before. I feel so alone without him. It's like he's someone else who looks like exactly my brother. 

I wanted to tell Mycroft, but I don't think he's the one who Sherlock needs. He needs me. He was always there for me, I must be there for him too, although he doesn't want me to. 

Today, I will talk to him. If he push me out, I won't give up. He's slowly killing himself, I must stop him. Unfortunately, I have to go to class. I will have to wait until the school ends.

When I left my dorm room, I realized someone was waiting for me. 

''Oh, Sherrinford! I have to talk to you.'' said Nick. 

Nicholas Allen Smith... He's both my and Sherlock's best friend. Our houses are in the same neighbourhood so we have been knowing each other for years. He's also Sherlock's roommate. The most important thing about Nick is; if he's worried, something bad will happen. He has like a sixth sense or something. 

''What happend, Nick?'' I said. 

''I found drugs under Sherlock's bed.'' said Nick. ''It was an acciden't. I dropped my pen and when I picked it up, I saw the drugs. He's not good, Sherrinford. He doesn't talk to me, he always sleeps except he doesn't go to the lessons.I don't know what to do.'' 

''Thank you, Nick.'' I said. ''I will talk to him after my lessons ends. This has to be stop. We have to help him.''

''What do you want me to do?'' asked Nick.

''Give me the key of your room. When he's not there, I am going to dispose the drugs. You will have to keep him busy for a while. We can't say this so anyone, If someone hears about this, they would  sent him to a rehab.''

''I agree with you. We must keep this secret..'' said Nick and revealed his dorm key from his pocket.  ''Here's the key. Be careful, Sherrinford.''

''I always am, and you know it.'' 

-------

When I went to the senior's hall, it was empty. I went to the door of Sherlock's and Nick's room, unlocked the door, and entered the room.

Their room was a mess. 

If Nick didn't say Sherlock was hiding the drugs under his bed I couldn't find it. I went to Sherlock's bed, looked for the package that Nick told me about.  I found it under his bed. I took the package, went to the bathroom and pour it on the closet. 
Mission was completed.

(This part has a little bit drama. If you want to be in mode, listen 'Brothers - Pearl Harbour Soundtrack' ) 

September 25th, 1996

I didn't talk to Sherlock two days ago, I'm waiting for him to come and we can talk. Sooner or later, he will realize his drugs are gone. I don't think It will take long.

I was right.

Sherlock slammed my door at night. He was so angry. I understood that he realized his drugs were gone. Actually, he didn't have to be a supersalute to solve it, because I left my phone in his room knowingly.

It only took him half an hour to notice that his package wasn't under his bed and come by my room. 

''What do you think you are doing?!'' said Sherlock with anger. 

''I just want to protect you, Sherlock.'' I said. ''Look at yourself, I can't recognize you anymore. You changed a lot.'' 

''Nothing happens to me.'' said Sherlock. ''I am perfectly fine.'' 

''Really, Sherlock?'' I said. I was really annoyed by his behaviour. ''You are using drugs! If someone knows about it, you would be expelled from school!'' I was talking with a calm tone now. ''Why are you doing this to yourself? Using drugs doesn't have a difference from commiting suicide, Sherlock.'' 

My eyes were full with tears. When I looked at him, he was like that too. My plan was working.

''Please, Sherlock. Stop this. Even if you don't think so, there are some people who care about you. There is me, Sherlock. I'm your brother, remember the times we had when we were children? You said you will always be there for me, and you were. Now it's my turn. I won't let you to kill yourself slowly. That's what brothers do.'' 

''I just... I feel so lost, Sherrinford.'' said Sherlock. His voice was trilling. ''I don't know what to do. I don't have an aim. I don't like any major, If I apply, I know they would accept me. But I don't want to do anything.'' 

He finally broke. 

''When I try to focus in my mind palace, I'm hearing voices in my head. I'm seeing nightmares when I'm asleep. I started to use drugs because they were stopping my nightmares.'' 

I was surprised. How couldn't I realize that Sherlock was this bad? I was a terrible brother. 

''Why didn't you tell me?'' I said.  ''I could have help you.'' 

''I don't know why.'' said Sherlock. ''I just wanted to be alone, I think.'' 

I went to the door where he was standing and embraced him.  ''You won't be alone anymore. I will be with you forever.'' 

''Don't make promises that you couldn't take.'' said Sherlock like he knew what's going to happen.

-----------------

Sherlock was right.

I couldn't keep my promise. I helped Sherlock for quitting drugs, and he had been clean for 5 months when he graduated high school. He was accepted every school that he made an application, but he chose Cambridge. Unfortunately, Nick went to Oxford, but we were keeping in touch. 

Sherlock loved being in university. He studied chemistry, he chose it because he always loved doing experiments. Is he doing experiments now? I'm sure of it. 

Everything was great, I was applied to both Oxford and Cambridge, but I would go to Oxford. Sherlock was going to graduate next friday. I was so excited about the ceremony, I wish I wasn't.

Because I made a great mistake. 

I am Sherrinford Holmes, 

I never go to a university. After that accident at Sherlock's graduation, I never saw my family again, they know that I'm alive, but Sherlock doesn't know, because Mycroft told him I died. We had no choice, it had to be done. If he knew I was alive, he would go after me. I knew that.

I was trained from the best agents. I'm working for the government like Mycroft. When he works for CIA, It's my job to protect the country.

Now I have something more important to protect, Sherlock. 

He is back, and he's in danger more than ever. 

I'm the only one who can protect him, and I will. 

Although it costs me my life.