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After endless hours of furtive flying between systems, keeping out of sight of any main transit routes, sending desperate messages to old contacts and hoping for more than silence, the Falcon finally set down at the remote outpost of Krithander. It was a dusty, ancient world, the resources long-since mined away; the rivers mere trickles when compared to their former glory. It was empty; felt empty, only comparable to the vast emptiness in space. And in Leia’s heart.
She stood quietly at the back of the cockpit as Rey gently landed the (her) ship, Chewbacca the ever-faithful co-pilot assisting, and she pressed herself against the wall, mustering the strength to stay standing. The strength to keep breathing. The strength to go on.
“I can’t see the landing pad,” Rey said, squinting as they skimmed lower and lower.
“It’s there,” Leia replied. “Through the trees.”
The trees were more like skeletons, long, angular, parched. Barely holding on.
It seemed appropriate.
Because after so much loss, they were all barely holding on too.
They landed and thankfully there was enough work to keep them busy for several hours. Breaking into an abandoned building. Taking stock of their meagre supplies and relying on rations so dry it was no surprise the previous owners had left them behind.
“We should hide the Falcon too,” Poe said softly, approaching Leia from behind. She hadn’t heard him coming, which should have concerned her, but her heart was too heavy to care. For all of the extra abilities the Force had brought into her life, it hadn’t saved her Resistance. It hadn’t saved her family. It had only saved her, time and time again, and it was beginning to feel more like a curse than a blessing.
She nodded. Not wanting to speak. Hiding the Falcon - they’d have to bury it if they couldn’t find a large enough camo-net - was acknowledging they weren’t going anywhere soon. It was acknowledging that they didn’t have anywhere to go.
Standing beside her, Poe seemed on the verge of saying something more. But she couldn’t meet his eyes. Couldn’t stand to see the sympathy there, or the guilt, or the pain of loss that engulfed them all. And Poe seemed to sense that she needed this time. That after being so strong for so long, she needed one small, quiet moment to herself.
He touched Leia’s shoulder, just for a heartbeat, and she felt the steady warmth. “I’ll take care of it,” Poe promised.
And he did.
---
The night was heavy with grief when she wandered out beyond the edge of camp. There were no celebrations that they’d escaped, or finally found a place to rest. Shock was starting to set in, for Leia, for Poe, for the small handful of people they had left. Even Rey and Finn - who’d only been part of the cause for such a short time - felt the weight of the disaster. The annihilation.
It reminded her of Alderaan. An immense loss, too many to count, impossible to comprehend.
She saw part of her past self in Poe this day. Leia watched as he coordinated, directed, led. He was doing it for penance and he was doing it for her. He was allowing her space to grieve - even while grieving himself - and for that, she was grateful. She still hadn’t cried and she didn’t know if she would ever be able to. Not when there was work to be done.
After all, her entire life had been sacrificed to a cause, and who was she to think this time would be any different?
But tonight, she wanted a moment to remember.
The stars were so vivid and bright on a world that was abandoned. The lights from their camp didn’t penetrate far and it only took a handful of steps before the sky was blazing above her. Leia took a deep breath, and spun around to orient herself. The constellations here were different but she’d checked the starmap earlier.
And she knew that this far out from the galactic centre, the light from Alderaan still shone.
She fell to her knees, gazing at the distant star. The sun she knew so well; the light she’d grown up under. She might not be able to see the planet but it was still there. Light travelling so slowly across the galaxy compared to time, and even now, more than thirty years later, Alderaan was alive if only she had a strong enough telescope to see the light.
“General?” The footsteps behind her were soft. “Are you okay?”
She wasn’t okay. None of them were. “Did you know,” she said softly, “that we can see Alderaan from here?”
Experiments had been done over the years to study the Alderaan disaster. Much like supernovas were observed years after the fact, scientists had trained their scopes on her beloved planet from distant locations, waiting for the light to arrive. Leia had seen the papers written, but had never read any of them. She’d seen the destruction with her own eyes and it was a memory that haunted her.
“We’re that far out?” Poe came to stand beside her, then crouched down. His voice managed to hold a hint of wonder. “I’ve never seen Alderaan, but I grew up hearing the stories.“ He paused, because he knew - just like everyone knew - that Leia had been witness, and when he spoke again, his tone was much more sober. “I can’t even imagine what it was like.”
Her voice wavering, Leia said, “It was...it was beautiful. But there are a lot of beautiful places in this galaxy.” She’d seen so much since then.
“I know,” Poe replied. “We saw a lot of them together.”
Neither of them spoke of the people they saw them with. That was the true tragedy, even as she remembered Alderaan. She’d lost her parents, her friends, almost everyone she’d loved.
And today - one long, endless, hideous day - she’d lost her second family.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
“I am too.”
And there, in the desert, where no one could see, the last two leaders of the Resistance held each other and silently wept.
---
The days passed. Weeks? Months? It was easy to lose track. There were so few of them and the younger ones were getting restless. Leia felt the heavy press of duty to not only lead, but to start training the girl, because that was how the story played out, wasn’t it? Time to put the old aside for the new; the next generation who would continue the fight in her stead.
The camp was quiet that night. Most of the group were on scouting expeditions, and since they had no vehicles, the only option was to travel on foot. There were several abandoned settlements scattered around this part of the continent and Finn had been particularly confident that the remnants of the old Empire would have left outdated equipment behind rather than ship it offworld for scrap.
Poe had stayed behind. When she’d questioned him on it, he’d just given her a wry smile and shrugged his shoulders. Which meant that he was staying for her. It was written on his face, that he was worried about her, and Leia didn’t have the heart to call him out on it.
Besides, it was kind of nice to have someone sticking around.
(And that thought threatened to take her mind down a dark trail, so she resolutely straightened and walked out into the night, beyond the warm lights, so that she could see the stars - Alderaan - and attempt to clear her mind.)
“Leia.”
It was still a little strange to hear Poe call her by her given name, even though she’d insisted. They didn’t need titles any more. And if she was being completely honest with herself, she liked hearing her name on his lips. It brought her...comfort.
(At least, that was what she told herself.)
“Do you mind if I walk with you?” He phrased it as a question, but it wasn’t, not really, because he slotted himself by her side without waiting for an answer. He gallantly offered her an arm and she took it, not because she wanted to, but because it made sense, given that she was still recovering. (And if Luke had been around to see this, she knew he would be laughing at her.)
They stepped out into the desert, the stars blazing high above. Strange how even after a lifetime zipping across the galaxy, she never tired of the view. Nor did Poe.
“Do you remember the first time I took you for a ride in my starfighter?”
She had to smile. On any other man, the line would be a ridiculous attempt at flirtation. She glanced at Poe’s face and saw the charming grin she expected. Hmm. Maybe it was. That was the thing about Poe, when he wasn’t driving her mad, he had a ridiculous ability to somehow know exactly the right thing to say.
“The one where you screwed up the coordinates so that we missed the rendezvous by an hour?” she teased. He’d been her trusted pilot for so long that there were several incidents that qualified. “Or was it the time that you forgot to disengage the landing thrusters so that we barely managed to take off?”
“Hey, I was young and intimidated!” Poe countered. “I wanted to be memorable, but not like that!”
“You were certainly memorable,” replied Leia, smiling. She’d vaguely been aware of Poe during the days of the Rebellion, but she’d been so busy back then. When Poe had shown back up flight-trained and ready to fight, it had been a welcome surprise. And yes, Leia had noticed that not only had he grown up, but he’d grown into an attractive, albeit cocky, young man who turned multiple heads. He’d quickly proven himself to be reliable and - she could admit it now - the best pilot the Resistance had (even if it went to his head a little).
But it was more than that. He’d stuck around. And for that, she was forever grateful. “We were so lucky to have you,” she said aloud. “We still are.” And then she turned to face him. “Why did you stay?”
She could see the confusion on his face, so she clarified. “You were young, skilled, could’ve done anything in the galaxy. You had men and women throwing themselves at you; and I know you had offers from a couple of the big corporations. We didn’t even know that the First Order was a real threat, but you still stayed. Why?”
“Because it was the right thing to do,” Poe replied. “That was what my parents taught me. And I learned that lesson the hard way.”
He’d told her before about his time smuggling spice, and it had only endeared him to her more. A youthful flirtation with the grey side of the law sometimes had a way of setting people on the right path, because it was the first time they’d been challenged with the notion of right and wrong.
“What about you?” he asked. “Leia, you have sacrificed your entire life to this cause. And don’t get me wrong, you are such an inspiration to us all! To me.” He took her hands then, his eyes searching her face for answers. “I look at you and I see the greatest woman who ever lived, and I don’t know how you find the strength that you have, but Leia, I want you to know that I am constantly in awe.”
He brought her hand to his lips. And part of Leia knew that this was dangerous territory - or was it inevitable? Was there any need to maintain this carefully-controlled boundary between them? The war was over - they had lost. She wasn’t his General. And there certainly wasn’t anyone else around to pass judgement.
Instead, she was just Leia, and she wanted. Wanted the handsome young man who - despite being endlessly cocky, brash, and capable of driving her to the brink of madness - was also steadfast and true. Who was honest, good, and reliable. And a little bit in love with her.
Who was she to turn this down?
And so she kept her eye’s locked with Poe’s. Giving silent assent as he moved closer, brought his hand to her hair, then her face, as he drew her in and kissed her.
At first, it was soft, tentative. Poe pulled back a little, looking at her with awe. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he half-whispered to himself.
“Well, I can,” Leia replied, and pulled him in for another kiss. And there was so much wonder to be found, in his passion, it incited her own passion, and the part of her that she thought was dead suddenly started to flicker back to life.
She didn’t know what the next day would look like. She didn’t even know if they would ever get off this planet. But for now, she was Leia and he was Poe and they were no more than two people finding comfort - and love? - in the empty desert beneath the stars, and that was more than enough.