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She wakes up screaming.
Her mouth dry and her clothes clinging to her skin. She has dreamt of him. She has dreamt of Finn.
Clarke has been having nightmares for weeks, since Finn died. Since she told him she loved him. Since she killed him. When she closes her eyes, she sees his eyes looking at her, filled with fear and love, just before she stabbed him. Sometimes she can also hear Raven screaming at her while Bellamy held her so she couldn’t hurt Clarke.
Her mother had looked at her like she was telling her everything would be fine, that killing him was the best thing to do. She couldn’t handle looking at anyone else so she just let the knife hit the floor and had run to her tent. But, when Bellamy went to check up on her later that night and hugged her, Clarke was unable to push him away. She let him hold her until she fell asleep.
So when she wakes up screaming, she’s not surprised to find Bellamy rushing through the entrance of the tent only a couple of minutes later, his hair a complete mess and his eyes tired.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, still trying to catch her breath.
“You’re kidding, right? God, Clarke the entire camp heard you screaming. Your mom is probably on her way here to check if you’re fine. Why were you screaming like that?”
She blushed and looked away, embarrassed.
“I killed him”. Her voice is barely a whisper but he manages to hear her. “I killed him, Bellamy”
He doesn’t know what to say, so he does the same thing he did the night everything happened: he hugs her. Clarke cries on his chest and he thinks that hugging her shouldn’t feel so right.
“I told him I loved him and then I killed him, how am I supposed to live with that?”
He wants to tell her that everything is going to be fine, that they will get over it together. But he can’t because, even thought she is his princess he isn’t a knight in shining armour that would make all her problems disappear. He’s just a janitor who came to look after his sister. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to care about the rest of the 100, to care about her. And now everything was a mess. His friends are trapped at Mount Weather, the adults treat them like they were still kids, Finn is dead and Clarke is going mad about everything but all he can do is hold her. He sits on her bed and places her in his lap, his arms still around her like she’s just a little kid and Clarke keeps crying and whispering “I killed him. I killed. I killed him.”
They are still in the same position when Abby appears inside the tent to check on her daughter but Bellamy looks at her like he’s begging her to let them alone, like he’s begging her to let him hold Clarke because she’s important for him and this is what friends are for. Abby simply nods and goes back to her tent thinking of what she just saw, too tired to argue with him.
Clarke’s breathing becomes calmer and slower and Bellamy knows she’s falling asleep and he should go back to his tent because, damn, he’s been hunting that day and he’s exhausted, but he doesn’t want to leave Clarke like this. He knows she isn’t sleeping well since everything happened. He lays her on the bed, covers her with a blanket and starts making his way to his own bed.
“Stay” And he is almost sure that he is hallucinating because Clarke wouldn’t ask him to stay the night, right? He turns around and sees her sitting on the bed, her eyes almost closed and her hair is a mess and he really wants to run his fingers through her hair. “Bellamy, please stay.”
And he stays. He lays with her in her bed, trying not to touch her, but she keeps getting closer so he just puts his arm around her waist, their legs tangled. When they wake up the next morning they might have to explain to a very annoyed Abby why Bellamy was on her daughters’ tent, still holding her like she was the thing that he cared about the most in the entire universe, but right now he’s just holding Clarke and dreaming of knights and princesses.