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Since the day he left UA, Izuku hasn't seen Katsuki. Not even once. He had heard that Katsuki was searching for him, that he was trying to talk to him, because they had so much to talk about, so much to say. Izuku knew he had to at least say “thank you” for saving his life there, in the middle of the war, when Katsuki took the risk of dying himself.
He needed to say thank you. That was the manners he had learned far from his childhood, Inko always was so strict about making his son the kindest person ever. And Izuku liked to think she was pretty good at her job. Until recently.
Because Izuku knew he was being a jerk. He never thanked Katsuki, he never apologized for throwing everyone into danger, he never tried to comfort Shouto after everything he’s been through. He just left. He just ran away without anything but stupid letters. Like those would be able to carry all of his deep feelings to his friends.
He was a jerk, and a coward.
However, he had no other choice.
Shigaraki was there, hurting the people he cared about a lot, right in front of him. They were getting hurt, because he was there, next to them, and Shigaraki was coming for him. Katsuki got hurt, because he tried to protect him.
Izuku couldn’t stand it. He was supposed to be a hero, to protect everyone and make sure everyone was safe, but what has he been doing? Being the reason they got hurt in the first place.
To be honest, he didn’t want to see them. He didn’t want to see Katsuki covered in bandages under his hospital clothing, Shouto with his burned throat and with despair and trauma in his eyes, Ochako wrinkling her cute eyebrows with extreme worry, Eijirou with huge dark eyebags revealing his sleepless nights and much more.
He wanted to avoid all of them, he wanted to run away, just focus on his mission. He would have something to keep his mind occupied and if he succeeded, he would never have to see people he loved in pain ever again.
It was simple. Work. Just work. Train, fight, learn.
End AFO, and the darkness he brings.
Simple, right?
The other pro heroes, Hawks, Best Jeanist, Endeavor and All Might, didn’t seem to notice anything. They were just glad they finally had something, some kind of weapon to finally end the league of villains. They were discussing strategies, what their next move was gonna be, or how Izuku was going to master another quirk of his.
Izuku didn’t have any objections. He only needed to work harder. Keep his mind on the mission. Just work.
And it was working for a good amount of time. He was helping civilians to evacuate, fighting with dangerous villains that had escaped from prison. They were all tough and crazy and evil, but fighting with them was Izuku’s designated job, after all.
He was pretty focused until he heard that due to lack of heroes around, because a lot of them had quitted after the big war, UA students were doing the exact thing he was doing, fighting. They were trying to keep this broken hero society alive with their little teenager hands.
They were in the field, getting hurt, again. Because Izuku had failed. Because AFO and Shigaraki were around. Again.
He knew his classmates and teachers were all strong on their own. He knew they were good. However, that didn’t stop his desire to just be around in case something happened. And his desire to visit when he heard Katsuki got hurt in one of their patrols and now was hospitalized.
“You shouldn’t.” a voice whispered from inside of his head. When he wasn’t sleeping, he generally couldn’t see the OFA vestiges, but at this point he was familiar with their voices to know that this was the second’s deep, confident, solid voice, not asking, straight up ordering.
“Shouldn’t what?”
“Visit your friend.” The second mumbled, annoyed. “Your thoughts are loud as shit, kid.”
Izuku didn’t know anything about what happened to Katsuki, who did he fight, how much was he hurt or how serious his condition was. He needed to know, he needed to see him.
“I want to.”
“Are you dumb enough to forget the reason you’re not seeing them in the first place? The kid is injured already, we don’t want villains finding us there, don’t we? Leave the damn kid alone.”
“But..” But what. He knew the second was right. He knew he shouldn’t take the risk of someone seeing, or being in touch with his classmates again, or Katsuki telling people now he knows where Izuku is, and because he can get to Izuku, villains finding him, to get the information, kidnapping him again, torturing him, using him as a bait to catch the OFA holder, Izuku himself. Katsuki would have to endure pain again because of Izuku.
“No ‘but’s.”
“He’s not gonna see me.”
“I know.”
“I’m just gonna check if he’s okay.”
“No.”
Izuku sighed. Why was he trying to get permission anyway? Those were just a bunch of dead people, weren’t they? He didn’t need their approval, he could just do whatever he wanted.
“What are you, my mom?”
“Possible. Since you don’t listen to her as well, stubborn brat.”
Izuku knew he was a whiny person. He cried a lot and he never had a problem with it. However, feeling pricks under his eyes was not a good feeling at all. He shouldn’t cry over this, he shouldn’t cry over an ancestor OFA holder not giving permission to him to go see his childhood friend, he knew the reasons, he knew why he couldn’t go, he knew. But he still had to run the back of his hand through his eyes as an attempt to stop the tears forming slowly because of his inner anger and frustration. He failed.
“Geez, second. Go easy on him.” The third cheered from the back of his head. Izuku always found it weird that they called each other “second” and “third”. They were supposed to know each other for a long time, it just felt weird not using names at all. “It’s already tough times, man. Let the kid live a little.”
The second sighed loudly. “Don’t you see what I am doing here, idiot?”
“I totally do.” The third replied confidently. “But you can’t do this forever.”
“Try me.”
As they kept arguing, their voices vanished slowly from Izuku’s head, he could no longer understand what they were saying. He was just glad the third made his friend stop bullying him.
The fucks he was giving was decreasing drastically anyways.
He knew he was going to get some scolding from the four pro-hero adults and the vestiges later, but he started jump from building to building towards the hospital Katsuki was staying at.
•••
“Dude, I’m serious, I think it looks dope as hell!” was the first thing Izuku heard as he approached the window from the top of the hospital building. His black whip was perfect for dangling from the roof to see inside.
Katsuki was sitting quietly on the bed, hands on his lap, eyes locked to the wall. Izuku only could see his back, but he was able to see Eijirou’s face instead, who was sitting on an uncomfortable looking stool, but he was smiling like he was hoping it was contagious and would cheer his friend up.
“I don’t like it.” Katsuki mumbled, and the lack of his usual energy in his voice made Izuku whine a little “Kacchan…” out. He was surprised that the second was suspiciously quiet instead of taunting him to death.
“You will get used to it, don’t even worry about it. I didn’t like my scar when I was little too, but now I don’t mind it.” Eijirou reached for Katsuki’s arm to comfort him, but Katsuki pulled his arm back and embraced himself instead. He didn’t want to be touched, or seen, or talked to. And Eijirou was doing all of those.
“Well yours is just a cute little tally over your eye, mine is coating my whole fucking face!” he yelled, which didn’t make Eijirou flinch even a millimeter.
“It’s manly.” He blurted out. According to him, Katsuki needed to understand that immediately.
“Nothing is manly about a mark of defeat.”
“No, everything is! It means you survived! Dude, that villain was a big one, I heard it required like, six pros to take her down to prison. It was a strategic mistake to leave you alone against her.” Eijirou said as Katsuki kept playing with the edge of his blue hospital shirt. It could be read from his face that how much he hated the shirt.
He wasn’t looking at Eijirou, but Izuku was able to see the way Eijirou leaned in to get closer and the way he was looking at him with admiration and relief in his soft looks. Izuku knew he only wanted Katsuki to be okay, and that was what he wanted too.
“Man, I’m just glad you’re alright.”
“Does this fucking look alright to you?!”
“Here’s the old Bakugou we know!” Eijirou laughed, it wasn’t like his old laughs, not sincere, a little forced, but still carrying a little relief inside. He was trying his best to seem fine to be there for everyone else. “I know you’re upset, but please don’t worry about the scar, okay? Everyone’s gonna think you look really cool, I promise.”
As Katsuki made his familiar noise of ‘tch’ and turned away to the window awkwardly, Izuku saw his face for the first time since weeks. And he finally understood what they were talking about, the big, dark scar across the blonde’s face, coming from his forehead, passing between his eyebrows and stretching to his right cheek.
No. Izuku didn’t think it was cool at all.
It was so far from cool, it was far from manly, it was not a good sign at all.
Because the second, the spikey haired adult with mean speech patterns and thin, narrow eyes, just like his old friend Katsuki, had the exact same scar with him.
Just… no.
Izuku was a little bit sleep deprived lately, so he blinked several times, examined Katsuki’s exhausted face to every single cell of his skin, to be sure. He pinched himself, to make sure this wasn’t a fever dream.
He had connected the dots, and he deeply wanted someone to come, smack his head and say “you didn’t connect shit”.
He was losing focus, he was about to accidentally release the whip, and if he did, he would fall from meters above until he hit the ground fiercely, which fortunaly he didn’t. Because after looking towards the window and considering everything Eijirou had just said, Katsuki finally turned to him and with the most broken, weary and somber voice he whispered, “Shitty hair, I am so tired.” quietly.
Eijirou froze for a second, and Izuku felt sorry for him, because Eijirou had no idea how to reach for his friend, and neither did Izuku.
“Do you…” He tried to touch Katsuki’s arm again, and this time he let him. “Do you want me to leave? So you can sleep a little?”
Katsuki nodded. Eijirou hummed and stood up from the uncomfortable stool, putting it away so Katsuki’s room looked tidy like he wanted it to be.
“Kirishima?”
“Yeah, man?”
“Do you… mean it?”
Eijirou didn’t even take a second to think what Katsuki was talking about. Not even a single moment of hesitation. “Yep. Absolutely. You look like the coolest hero I’ve ever known.”
“I don’t think Crimson Riot has a scar like that.”
Eijirou paused, smiled warmly, walked towards the door and right before he closed the lights and left the room, he softly said, “I meant you.”
The only thing Izuku was able to think was that if he was right about the second, Katsuki wasn’t even going to get the opportunity to be the cool hero he always wanted to be. He somehow needed to go back in time, save the first, inherit OFA and suffer even more, then die at a young age.
That was just… not fair. He was going to have to leave everyone like Izuku, go back in time all alone because of Izuku, be an OFA holder, which only meant more pain, and more scars, and probably a scary death. All because of Izuku.
He was hurting him, again.
•••
“How could you not tell me?!” Izuku yelled angrily into the void of the vestige world, as soon as he got there. He had a mouth this time, because he needed the express himself, he needed to face him properly.
All other vestiges except the second turned to him in surprise, not waiting for the respectful kid to yell like that. Nana kindly warned him and asked what’s wrong, Banjo groaned about how rude teenagers were these days and En just rolled his eyes.
“Oh come on! You guys see what I see, right? He didn’t tell me!”
Eyes turned to the second, who was just leaning his head into the wall again, hiding his face.
“Yeah we do. Wasn’t nice to be reminded of that moment.” The third answered instead, as he stroked the second, no, Katsuki’s arm like Izuku saw Eijirou do a few hours ago.
“I was trying to stop him, you fucking dumbass.” Katsuki said quietly, which made Izuku want to approach, to hear better. But he couldn’t, since he didn’t have a complete control over his body here. “But nooo, you had to go ‘lot tho kod lovo o lottlo’ , blah blah blah bullshit, now he knows.”
Izuku was totally an idiot for not understanding before. Katsuki had changed a lot, but at the same time he didn’t at all.
“I don’t talk like that!” the third whined, but he was laughing at the same time. He didn’t seem to mind their identities being revealed. The other vestiges looked bored, they were sick of how unprofessional these two always were.
“So…” Izuku started nervously, he had hoped he was wrong, he had hoped that it was a coincidence, but life wasn’t that random and lucky all the time. “it’s true?”
“Yup,” said the third, because the second didn’t seem emotionally available yet, squatting down to the ground, still hiding behind his back and the big gauntlets. “Bakugou Katsuki himself, ladies and gentlemen.”
The vestige world was always blurry, but Izuku could see his legs shaking uncontrollably.
There were a lot of things he wanted to ask. He had so much on his plate to talk about with Katsuki, so much. So much that he was avoiding lately, and now they did nothing but increase.
It was so interesting to him to see his childhood friend had changed too much, but also too little. His blond hair got a few shades darker with years, the scar’s color was lighter than the fresh version Izuku saw earlier, and he was taller, eyes and brows thinner.
Still, he looked quite young.
Which terrified Deku. Because from what he knew from All Might’s notes, from what he knew about the holders, he-
“How old were you when you died?” he blurted out with panic. He just knew that the thought was going to haunt him forever.
Katsuki didn’t take a moment to even think about telling him. “You don’t need that information.”, he answered immediately, not even looking him in the eye. Of course, this reply didn’t satisfy Izuku at all.
“Please tell me, how old were you when you died?” Izuku tried again, he was almost begging at this point. He had to know. He had to know how much he had ruined Katsuki’s life. The life he could’ve spent as the coolest pro hero ever, but was forced to be a damn holder instead.
“I am not taking orders from a zygote.” Katsuki replied flatly, as he stood up and turned around, eyes even more narrow now, hiding his pupils and blood red irises.
Zygote my ass, Izuku thought. Katsuki was acting like he was a wise old man, while looking like he was in his late twenties. God, Izuku hated this so much.
“Why…” he tried to say, but he was just mumbling now, shaking just like Katsuki’s left leg, which made Izuku wonder if he had another injury there or not. “why did you do this?”
“I just did what you told me to, Deku.”
Izuku was horrified… It was his fault again. He had ruined everything again, instead of protecting the people he cared about, he became the reason they suffered. It horrified him, and nobody understood.
Katsuki said, “Don’t look at me like that. Some things had to be done, and they did. That’s all.” when he noticed Izuku’s pained face. Maybe he understood, it gave Izuku some hope that maybe someone really understood how much it hurt.
“If you start muttering like in high school or some shit, I am not giving you my quirk.”
“That’s not up to you, Katsu.” the first grumbled and Katsuki threw a “shut the hell up” towards him.
Then he turned to Izuku, which had a horrible expression of despair, fear, guilt, and anxiety. He knew him well enough to guess what that nerd was thinking. He took a step forward, approaching Izuku, just like how Izuku wanted to take a step but wasn’t able to.
“I don’t regret anything.” he said, more maturely than his teenage self. Like he really meant it, not just to seem tough. Like he would do it again if he had a choice.
Which only made Izuku hate the vestige world even more. Because he wanted to move, he wanted to hug adult Katsuki, since he had a lot of reasons why he can’t hug the current Katsuki beside the fact that he would never let him do so.
And he wanted to cry. Oooh god he wanted to cry but he couldn’t control any muscles of his body, becuse fuck vestige world, really just fuck it. Only if he could use the muscles around his eyes to get rid of the knob that made his throat hurt.
“Go save us all, alright? I’m sick of sitting inside this box thingy, and other holders are annoying, yeah I’m talking about all of you there.” he hissed at other vestiges behind him, including the third, who only let a cute, genuine laugh. “So just finish this job and let me fucking die peacefully.”
Izuku anime-level dramatically let out a “Kacchan…” before he could stop himself.
Katsuki hasn't heard anyone, no, Izuku calling him that for a long time. And it hurt. It hurt more than watching himself at the hospital, getting his scar, through Izuku’s terrified eyes.
Oh god, he had to watch all of this shit all over again, didn’t he? He saw everything once by his own eyes, and now he was going to see them from Izuku’s point of view. He had to be there to help and guide him. Ugh. It was just too much work. Good thing Bakugou Katsuki wasn’t a type of person who escapes from too much work.
The story was just beginning.
“We got this, damn nerd.”