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everything, waiting

Summary:

my personal interpretation/analysis of the relationship between kaoru/cherry and ainosuke/adam and how that affected kaoru/kojiro’s relationship.

DISCLAIMER: this is not shipping cherry and adam!! this is just my interpretation of their relationship shown in kaoru’s flashbacks in episode 9.

Notes:

DISCLAIMER: this is not shipping cherry and adam!! this is just my interpretation of their relationship shown in kaoru’s flashbacks in episode 9.

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Time was a strange concept.

It had been years since anything had truly changed Kaoru’s life. Years since meeting Kojiro, since successfully gliding across the pavement on the unsteady wheels of a skateboard for the first time.

Years since his first kiss, first time, first boyfriend.

Years since founding S with his best friends, since he pierced his own lip and cut his own hair, since the boy he fell so deeply in love with moved to America without telling him until the day before and cutting off all contact with him and their mutual friend with no warning or hesitation.

Years since he picked up his new hobby of calligraphy or snuck out to skate to the beach and do nothing but scream into the inky expanse of sky and churning depths of the ocean because he was tired of being sad.

Years since he cried in the car after dropping Kojiro off for his flight to Italy for culinary school (he’d never admit to that one).

Years since Sakurayashiki Calligraphy opened, and years since and he fell into the steady routine of showing up at his best friend’s restaurant unannounced, only to go home to face a cold apartment, a sleepless night, and an inkling of something in his heart that he only felt when he was around Kojiro.

He thought the life changing was over, maybe until the day he got married or started a family. Real life adult things, not superficial teenage bullshit like heartbreak and angst.

He was wrong.

Everything he would have deemed “superficial teenage bullshit” came rushing back the second Adam made his skating comeback. Everytime that blue-haired asshole showed his masked eyes and shit-eating smirk at S, Kaoru wanted to scream and cry and punch something. The anger he felt when Adam abruptly left him so many years ago, the cavity he left in the pink haired boy’s heart, the longing he had for closure, it all resurfaced. The two had unfinished business - they were both painfully aware of that. Kaoru had to race against him. Had to. They weren’t the same love struck-hormonal teenagers they were the last time they faced each other, his true feelings had finally registered in his mind and he knew what he had to do. He’d let some random cocky stoner bail Crazy Rock and end up in the emergency room a thousand times if it guaranteed his spot in a beef against his ex. Kaoru had other ideas pertaining to forms of revenge - to find out who Adam really was and ruin his career in whatever he did. He knew it was extreme, but he had been through far too much at the hands of that bastard to care what was and was not morally correct in terms of getting back at him. After accidentally letting that idea slip in front of Kojiro, he forgot about it. He could figure something out. And after weeks of careful plotting and arranging, he got what he wanted. The night Adam announced the wedding beef, Kojiro and Kaoru knew one of them was going to be the one to win against their old friend. Kaoru would be content if Kojiro took his place - he’d heard enough of Kaoru’s sobs over the phone back in the day to know what was on the line. They had a deal. After the preliminaries, semi-finals, and a confusing turn of events that landed little rookie Langa ahead of Kojiro, Kaoru stood at the top of the track just as planned. He heard his opponent’s tacky heeled boots clicking next to him. No longer was this between Kaoru and Ainosuke, the two teenagers lost in skating and each other. This was between Cherry Blossom and Adam, two legendary skaters within S with a backstory only they and Kojiro knew. The bystanders didn’t know what this was about. Reki, Langa, Shadow, Miya - none of them knew either. This was between the three founders of S, and Kaoru wasn’t about to lose because of some 8 year long string of confusion and emotional invulnerability.

Kojiro had ran from the finish line to catch Kaoru before the race and the pink-haired man smiled a bit under his mask. He was happy to see him- to see that gorilla-brained idiot who had helped him through everything, the third member of their ex-friend group. He traveled to L.A. and Paris with Kaoru before leaving for culinary school. He let Kaoru pierce his ears and design his tattoo. He was the one who was there for him more than Kaoru’s self-centered apathetic asshole of an ex-boyfriend ever was. Kojiro would never show up to the skate park on a Friday night with a “Hey there boyfriend and best friend, i’m moving to the other side of the world tomorrow and i never want to talk to you again because you tell me i can’t do dangerous shit while i’m skating!”. Kojiro was no doubt a full-blown dumbass, but he was kind. He let Kaoru into his restaurant after hours and let him get borderline drunk on his fancy Italian wine when the snotty rich people from Tokyo he had as clients were too much. He let Kaoru crash on his couch and he lets him wear his shirts that are much too big when he gets anxious and can’t stand to wear his yukata anymore. He listened to Kaoru cry over Ainosuke for hours, and for that, Kaoru made a promise to win the race. Not only for his 8 year grudge against his opponent, but maybe to prove to Kojiro that he didn’t need a shoulder to cry on over Ainosuke anymore. Winning this race was his closure.

And he was so close to that closure, too.

He didn’t know what happened. One second he was about to enter the abandoned factory after dodging Adam’s signature move, the Love Hug - next, a splitting pain and a flash of white. He didn’t feel his body hitting the ground, but he felt his arm go numb. He heard Kojiro’s voice and felt someone’s arms around him - his hair fell from it's ponytail to his shoulders. What happened? He lost? No. No, no, no, no, no. He couldn’t lose. He tried to speak - nothing came out. He didn’t know how long it had been. He didn’t know long he was on the ground, motionlessly staring at the stars above him, or how long he was in the back of a car with his head in someone’s lap. It felt like years - time was strange like that.

He woke up in the hospital, alone in a sterile white room. Carla was propped up against the wall next to his bed, along with Sole, Kojiro’s board. “That means he’s here.” Kaoru thought. Where was he? Beep. “You’re awake, master.” Carla’s robotic voice echoed quietly. Kaoru smiled faintly. “Hello, Carla. Where is Kojiro?” Beep. “Kojiro left to accept a phone call from Miya Chinen. He should be back shortly.” He hummed. “Thank you, Carla.” His head felt fuzzy, presumably from painkillers or maybe just his brain trying to numb what he was feeling. Tears formed in his eyes. “How could i lose?” He thought, mind racing as a shadow gnawed at his edges. “I thought he would be different. Was i the only one thinking about this for the last 8 years? He really doesn’t care. He wants to race against Langa, and only Langa. He doesn’t give a single shit about me or how he made me feel.” Kojiro opened the door to a crying Kaoru. He crouched next to his best friend and ran his large hands through the thin man’s long hair. He wiped his tears and offered him shitty hospital pudding. Kaoru sat and force fed himself the gross substance as Kojiro explained what happened. Half way through the race, Ainosuke began his signature move. Before Kaoru had time to react his opponent stepped off of his board, picked it up, and swung. His longboard collided with Kaoru’s skull and the momentum thrust the pink-haired man back several feet. He had a concussion and a broken arm, along with a bruised rib, fractured ankle, and several massive scratches across his shoulders. He lost. 8 years of anger and frustration led up to this moment, and he lost with nothing to gain from it but a bash to the head with a longboard because Adam got bored. He’d be enraged if he wasn’t so tired.

Two days after sneaking out of the hospital and falling asleep at the bar in Kojiro’s restaurant, Kaoru sat in a wheelchair staring at a screen propped up on the cliffside. He watches Adam and Reki’s race intently until the unimaginable happened - Reki dodged the same attack that put Kaoru in the hospital. Kaoru was proud. The young skater reminded him so much of Kojiro when they were that age- Kaoru would never admit it, but he took a liking to the eccentric redhead because of that fact. As he continued to stare towards the screen, Kaoru’s eyes widened.

“Oh my god.”

Adam fell off of his board and slipped in the mud. The Adam. Skating god of S, the self-proclaimed “Matador of Love”, just fell and slipped face first into a puddle of mud in front of the entire local skating community. Kaoru laughed. He genuinely laughed, harder than he had laughed in what felt like years. He was sure it wasn’t actually years seeing as how often he gets accidentally tipsy when he’s with Kojiro, but he didn’t know. Time was strange like that. He felt Kojiro look at him before falling into his own fit of laughter, and the two laughed together at their old friend until tears formed in the creases of their eyes.

Once his laughing fit passed he smiled at Kojiro, and Kojiro smiled back. Kaoru felt every leftover ounce of love for Ainosuke Shindo flow out of him like a fountain- this was the end. He was free. Free from the last 8 years of frustration and tears and longing - it was behind him. And If you asked Kaoru Sakurayashiki his opinion on Adam, skating god of S and “Matador of Love”, he could give you a negative answer without lying and ignoring old memories. He had all of the closure he needed - nothing could change his mind.

That moment of collision with Adam’s board felt so recent - but soon it would feel so distant. It would feel like it happened ages ago, even if it was only a week. Maybe spending more time with Kojiro would make it disappear faster. maybe he’d learn to tolerate Reki and Langa’s coos when they’d catch him staring at Kojiro for a little too long, or he’d laugh a little more when Shadow would lose miserably to Miya at Mario Kart. Maybe he’d try a new hairstyle, like bangs, or try to put back in his piercings for the first time since high school. He’d learn to appreciate the little things - and soon enough the little positive things would make the big negative things seem like they happened years ago. It definitely wasn’t years ago, but it could feel like it because time was strange like that.