Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rincewind had seen practically everything. He’d traveled across the Disc, over the edge in fact. He’d traveled through time and dimension. Rincewind was the great experiment. His fellow wizards at the Unseen University routinely used him as an unwilling test subject.

So, when he saw the dwarf toddler walking down the cobbled street clutching a miniature rat-onna-stick he didn't immediately notice anything amiss. After all, toddlers were known to walk. It was right there in the name. It stood to reason that a dwarf toddler would do as all toddlers did. The tiny chain mail clanked as the tyke stumbled up onto the curb. Rincewind watched with some fascination as he—Rincewind was pretty sure it was always proper to refer to a dwarf as “he” unless told otherwise—lost his footing. The half-eaten rat skidded in his direction, stopping inches from Rincewind’s feet. It splashed into a puddle and years of muck sprayed the bottom of his robes.

Without crying or bothering to stand up, the child crawled over to examine his snack, considering whether it was still edible. As Rincewind looked on, it occurred to him that children still in the drunken pirate stage of walking usually had some sort of adult looking after them. Someone to stop them from eating a rat that had landed in centuries of grime and rainwater. He looked around for such a person, but the people bustling by on the street seemed unconcerned about anything but their own business. He didn’t see any dwarfs at all.

Squatting down to the child’s level, Rincewind asked “Where is your mummy?” The child just gawked at him. “Daddy? Papa?” What did dwarfish offspring call their parental figures? Maybe they didn’t talk this young. He was vaguely aware that dwarfs live considerably longer than humans.

He was getting nowhere with this kid. He looked around. Still, no one appeared to be looking for a missing child. Oh well, the child seemed to be getting by more or less okay on its own. Maybe he should just brush off the muddy rat, hand it back to the kid and be about his business. His business at the moment was a seat and drink at The Mended Drum. No place for one so young even if he was a dwarf.

Rincewind patted the curly red head and pushed himself back up to standing. No one in their right mind would give him a child, and he wasn’t about to start picking them up off the street. As he turned to make his escape, he felt a tug at the back of his robe. He turned around and looked down at the child again. He had gotten himself back up on his little booted feet. Rincewind could fully see the child’s face now. He had big brown puppy dog eyes, and his cheeks were rosy. ROSY! How was that fair?! Maybe if the universe had dropped an irritating-looking child in front of him, it wouldn’t have felt impossible to walk away.

With an unrestrained sigh of self-pity, Rincewind picked the child up. He was a solid little thing. Even without the chainmail, he had expected as much. But he dreaded the thought of walking far with the heavy tot. The toddler tugged at Rincewind’s hat. The word “Wizzard” was stitched with sequins, surrounded by awkward stars. The child ran his little fingers over the sequins. Rincewind tried to ignore the liberties the toddler was taking, while he tried to formulate a plan. Where was he going to take it, anyhow? He looked around once more hoping he would finally see whoever this child belonged to. With no other idea of what to do, he decided to just walk up and down the street looking for anyone under 4 ft.

After a fruitless fifteen minutes, he realized this was not a sustainable activity. Rincewind was built more for speed and didn’t have the muscles required for this long term. He’d bring the boy back to the Unseen University and maybe one of the kitchen girls would know what to do with a toddler.

As he rounded the next corner, he finally saw a dwarf. As he rushed on the person, however, he saw the dwarf lacked a beard and an ax. And was actually not a dwarf. It was Corporal Nobby Nobbs of the City Watch. After the initial disappointment, he had a new idea. The Watch deals with things like lost children. He wasn’t truly sure about that. But someone had to be in charge of these things, and it most certainly wasn’t wizards.

Holding the tot out towards Nobby like some sort of offering, he proclaimed “I have a lost child.”

Nobby gave him a quizzical look. “Looks like you’ve found him to me.”

“He’s not mine! I found the little fellow wandering around on his own. Doesn’t seem to belong to anyone around here.”

“Bizarre. What do you think he was up to?”

“As far as I can tell, he’s just been… toddling.”

“Very well then. I’ll be off.” Nobby gave a little tip of his helmet.

“Wait! What are you going to do about this," Rincewind asked, indicating the squirmy red-headed child he was still holding out.

“Well, it’s not really illegal to toddle, now, is it? Seems out of my area.”

“Don’t you have a lost and found or something?” Rincewind was becoming exasperated.

“We have a little box Commander Vimes keeps next to the tea money. But I don’t think it’s big enough for a whole toddler. Even a dwarf one. Besides, I expect he’d climb out.”

As Rincewind and Nobby continued this exchange, Sgt Colon emerged from a nearby pub, wiping the crumbs off the front of his breastplate. “What’s this all about?” asked the bigger officer.

Rincewind had been near giving up and just going home with his newly adopted child. He turned to Colon with renewed hope.

Colon listened as he approached and deduced what the problem was.

“Look. We don’t really have a lost children division. But I think if we bring this child back to the Commander, he will know how to handle this predicament.”

Rincewind switched from holding the toddler out to Nobby to trying to hand him off to Colon. “Oh no you don’t,” said Sgt. Colon as he sidestepped with more grace than his size suggested he could have. “You carry him. We'll escort you to Vimes.”

Begrudgingly, Rincewind followed the two men back to Pseudopolis Yard. Sgt. Colon gave Commander Vimes’ door a hearty knock. A slightly annoyed Vimes invited him to come into the office.

When they entered the room, the commander looked from his two men to Rincewind, to the little dwarf child. “You’ve found yourself a toddler, have you?”

Relieved to finally give his arms a rest, Rincewind set the child on the floor of the office and gave him a nudge in the direction of Samuel Vimes. The toddler took one look at the commander and turned to bury his face in the bottom of Rincewind’s long robe. “Yes. I don’t know who he belongs to, but he seems to have attached himself to me. I’m hoping perhaps you would be able to find his family.”

Vimes nodded. “I expect we can. Someone is bound to be missing him. I'd be prepared to tear the entire Disc apart if my little Sam went missing,” Vimes said, referring to his son.

He looked down at the youngster, clad in chainmail and tiny leather boots. The child was now sitting on the floor casually testing the hilt of a dagger against his front teeth.

“What’s he doing with that?” exclaimed Vimes standing up to retrieve the weapon from the dwarfling.

“Oh. The tyke looked like he could use something to play with,” answered Nobby.

“You can’t give weapons to a child that small!”

“But it’s a small weapon. So that evens out, don’t it?”

“It’s still got a point. Use your head, Corporal Nobbs,” Colon scolded knowingly. He had taken a fairly hands-off approach with his own children. But he knew better than to give them weapons before they could walk without a wobble. They could put their eyes out.

After taking the dagger, Vimes put it in a drawer in his desk. As he sat back down, he gave the toddler a thorough look, finally. The child looked somewhat familiar. He wasn’t one of those types to think all dwarfs looked the same. Especially since this one hadn’t started to grow whiskers in yet. But there was something...

Rincewind, thinking he had been forgotten by now, started inching backwards. “Well, I guess that’ll be that. Good luck with the search!” He reached behind himself to feel for the doorknob.

“Stop!” Vimes was back to his feet now.

Rincewind froze in place.

“You’re not leaving him here. We’re police and have work to do. I’ve never known a wizard to do a day’s work, so you should have plenty of time to look after the bit.”

“Me? But I don’t know the first thing about children. I barely remember being a child myself.”

“Keep him fed, keep him clean, and keep Nobby from supplying him with weapons. Even a wizard should be able to manage that.”

“Huh? You want me to take him to the Unseen University?”

“No. Keep him here. I’ll have Sgt Cheery Littlebottom set you up somewhere. She should be able to advise you on dwarf nutrition, so you don’t accidentally poison the child.”

Not willing to risk the ire of the commander of the Watch, Rincewind slowly nodded. Put that way, it didn’t sound so bad. Except for the clean part. He looked at the child warily, hoping dwarfs toilet trained early.

“Go see if Sergeant Littlebottom is in the office,” Vimes directed Nobby. To Sgt Colon, he said, “Go down to Flach and Schriek and fetch Otto.”

A few minutes later, Nobby returned with the dwarf officer. Rincewind was surprised to see a dwarf in a skirt. And with lipstick. The soft pink gave a little shimmer beneath the neatly cropped beard. He wasn’t caught off guard for long though. He’d seen far stranger things in the dungeon dimension. A dwarf in lipstick was small potatoes next to a monstrous creature with more limbs than he had hairs.

Cheer scanned the room for the child. Instead of picking him up to cuddle, or giving him a sweetie, she pulled out a measuring tape and notebook. She jotted some notes.

“Corporal Nobby says you found him near The Mended Drum? And he was alone. No dwarfs or other concerned adults in sight?”

“Er, yes.”

Cheery nodded and jotted down some more notes. Then she began measuring the child and writing more notes. She mumbled something about hair and eye color.

“This is a child, not a crime scene, Littlebottom,” interjected Vimes when she started taking samples.

“It could be both, sir. We shouldn’t risk losing any important information.” She continued inspecting the child and taking notes. She pulled out some small baggies and took samples of the child’s hair and some substance from the child’s hand.

Vimes didn’t argue further. When Otto arrived, Vimes considered taking a little walk. The vampire and his photo process always made him a little edgy

“Vhat a tiny little dvarf! He’s so cute,” the undead iconographer exclaimed. He fumbled with an array of gear that Rincewind only vaguely recognized. He had seen an iconograph before, but what was in the little jar? It appeared to be a lizard or something.

Soon he had positioned the child in front of the desk. He waved a little fuzzy ball beside his camera while cooing, “Look at da funny ball!” The ball gave a little tinkle as a bell bounced around inside it. The child looked curiously at the ball and held a chubby little hand out. Then FLASH! The whole room lit up, and after Rincewind blinked his eyes a couple of times he saw that the vampire was gone and had been replaced with a pile of ashes and a small vial of a suspiciously red substance on top. The child let out a joyful laugh as the ball fell to the ground and rolled over towards him.

Cheery walked over to the pile of ashes and picked up the vile. “Sometimes it doesn’t break on its own.” Then she threw the vial into the ashes with enough force to crack it open. Rincewind watched with something between fascination and horror. “Don’t worry,” the dwarf assured him, “it’s only animal blood.” By the time she finished the sentence a reconstituted Otto was standing beside her.

Otto gave a nod to the officers and Rincewind. “I vill get back to the shop now and get this printed out.” He gathered his equipment and slid out of the room.

Vimes sent Colon and Nobby back out to the streets with instructions to notify him if anyone seemed to be missing a dwarf child, but not to advertise that they had found one. “I don’t want to risk having the wrong sorts trying to come in here and claim a child that is not theirs.”

Once it was just Vimes, Cheery, Rincewind, and the toddler left in the office, Vimes stood up. “I’m going out to do my own investigation. I have a suspicion I want to look into. Littlebottom, be sure the wizard knows enough to not kill the child, then carry on with your work. When Carrot gets in from his patrol, catch him up.” With that, he left. When the door closed, Cheery finally gave Rincewind a once over. “So, you’re the child’s caregiver?”

With resignation, Rincewind replied, “It appears so.”

“I’ll take you to a cell. Don’t worry, you won’t be locked in, but it’s got a cot and a place to sit.” Cheery escorted the wizard and his charge to a room that looked less unpleasant than the term “cell” would lead one to believe. “I’ll be right back.”

When Cheery returned, she had something wrapped in a cloth. She opened it up to show Rincewind. It looked something like a tan stone. “What’s that?”

“It’s dwarf bread. My mum made this herself.” She put the small heavy slab of bread into Rincewind’s hand. “It was mine when I was a little dwarf.”

“Can he actually eat this?”

Cheery gave a shrug. “It’s full of vitamins and minerals. He can chew on it.”

“Well, I believe the minerals part,” Rincewind said. He offered the dubious bread to the child, who took it with no hesitation and put the corner of it right in his mouth.

Sgt Littlebottom gave a pleased nod. “That’ll do. If he gets hungry enough to try to eat that, be sure to feed him.”

“Oh. So, what, besides inedible bread, should the tyke be fed?”

“You can feed him anything you eat. I’ll have one of the officers fetch you both some lunch soon.”

Finally, some good news. At the thought, Rincewind’s stomach gave a small gurgle.

When Sgt. Littlebottom left again, he looked at the child. “You really need a name.” He scratched his beard as he pondered the toddler. He looked at the child’s curly red head and smiled. “Curly it is.” Curly smiled at Rincewind and for a moment, he thought, maybe this won’t be so bad.

Chapter Text

Clara Tavner strode across the warmly lit tavern. After wiping down a corner table in the back adjacent to the fire, she placed and lit a small beeswax candle. There was a dwarf family currently staying at the inn, who sat back in the darker corner every night. They kept to themselves and valued their privacy. They claimed to be on vacation, but she suspected something more to be going on. And they had a servant with them. They didn’t say that’s what he was. But she knew servants when she saw them. She was them.

She wondered if it might be a bit presumptive to light the candle already. But they always came down at exactly this time to eat dinner. They were one of the most punctual groups she’d had stay at the inn. And running a business for as long as she did, Clara had learned to be aware of things and to anticipate her guests’ needs.

On the other side of the fire sat a dwarf who had stayed at her inn a number of times over the years. (Usually when hiding from some husband.) Count Casanunda was unlike her new dwarf family. Really, he was unlike any of the dwarfs she had encountered. The World’s Second Greatest Lover gave her a wink as she moved past him.

The Tranquil Duck had been in her family for four generations. She inherited it from her parents when they died. She had only been 19 years old at the time. She took over the inn as well as raising her younger sister, Willa, who had just turned 13. Since Clara had been working at the inn her entire life, transitioning to managing the business wasn’t as difficult as she thought it would be. Raising a teenager when you are still one was the harder job. But Willa had matured into a sweet and hardworking young woman over the last 10 years. Now, at 23 years old, she was in love. He was the son of a butcher, and she would be moving out of the inn soon to start her new life with him.

Clara had never fallen in love herself. She had been so focused on running the inn and raising her sister that she had never had any interest in it. Besides, she loved running the inn. The last thing she wanted was some meathead moving in and trying to take things over. Plenty of men had tried over the years. She was pretty, and a little plump in a pleasing way. Her dark hair hung down her back in a thick braid. She was always friendly with good patrons. But had no time or patience for nonsense.

Most people would probably be surprised to know how successful the modest inn was. It was on the small side, with only 6 rooms. It was always clean, but the décor had not changed much over the last four generations. The place was comfortable, but the amenities stopped at comfort and food. It wasn’t a social pub, and she never had entertainers at her inn. Occasionally someone stopped by, offering to play the mandolin or juggle in exchange for some pay or a room to stay in. But she always turned them away. People did not come to The Tranquil Duck for merriment.

They came for a safe place to stay. They came to be away from the crowd. They came for privacy. It was known amongst certain circles that if you wanted a nice inconspicuous place to stay in Ankh-Morpork, The Tranquil Duck was it. Located on the edge of the area known as Dolly Sisters, it didn’t attract the attention of those who lived nearest to the inn. None of them had reason to stay in an inn. And with no sort of entertainment and very little in the way of alcohol, there wasn’t much to entice them. She kept a single tankard of ale at a time. The ale was good quality and wasn’t cheap. Patrons without much money to spare typically stuck with water or tea. Those with more might have a pint or two. But no one drank to excess at her inn.

Clara left the hall to check on the stew she had warming for her guests. When she walked into the kitchen, she found Willa and the butcher’s son, Stuart, both together. On her entrance, they quickly pulled away from one another and Willa blushed.

Stuart looked at Clara and cleared his throat. “I was just uh... bringing the lamb you ordered.”

“Thank you,” Clara said, choosing to ignore the embarrassment of the young lovers.

Because she had never been particularly friendly with the young man, Stuart wasn’t sure where he stood with Clara. She wasn’t sure either. Clara wanted Willa to be happy, and if one of them didn’t have children, then what would happen to the inn after she was gone? But it was still hard to part with the only family she had left, even if she would only be moving two streets over.

“How’s the stew coming along?”

Willa smiled. “I think they are going to like this one. Stuart picked the beef out special for us.”

Stuart smiled with a combination of awkwardness and pride. “The best we got!”

Clara nodded. She walked over and took a small taste. It really was quite good. Willa had a special touch with cooking. She was going to have to improve her cooking when Willa left. Perhaps she would hire a cook. Clara had always kept Willa out of the way and in the kitchen. She didn’t want any of the strangers passing through leering at her little sister. Stuart wasn’t exactly Ankh-Morpork’s best and brightest. But he was a good kid, and he clearly adored Willa. They’d have a good life. Keeping her in the kitchen had been a good call. Even if it did mean losing someone who had grown up perfecting every recipe their father had left behind, and creating several more of her own.

Satisfied that tonight’s dinner met her standards, Clara went back into the main hall. Mr. and “Mrs.” John Dove had taken the private table in the back corner, where the candle she had placed was slowly burning down. She knew that John Dove was actually the Viscount Skater, and the Mrs. was Shyla from the Seamstress’s Guild. The viscount paid both Clara and Shyla well for their discretion. Clara always thanked Mr. John Dove for his generosity, and he never looked her in the eye. That was fine with Clara. This wasn’t her favorite part of the business. But she had no particular qualms with it either. The wife of the viscount had plenty of money and fineries to console herself should she notice a certain absence from time to time. She also had her footman. Clara made it a point to know these things, but never speak of them. There was power in that.

Overlooking the hand on the knee under the table, Clara searched the room for the guests she had been expecting. For the last four nights, the dwarf family had either come down from their rooms, or in from the city to dinner at the same time. But they hadn’t come in tonight. They hadn’t checked out. Something felt wrong. She didn’t like to go into the guests' rooms. So, she decided to wait until the next day. And if they didn’t turn up, she’d check then. It was always good to tidy up after a few days anyhow.

Later that night, as Clara and Willa cleaned up the kitchen and the main hall, the servant of the dwarf family entered. His face and clothing were dirty. He had a streak of blood that had dried going down the side of his neck. He looked scared and exhausted. His boots looked like they had collected all the muck and grime that the streets of Ankh-Morpork had to offer. He subtly tipped his head to Clara, but it was clear he was in no mood to chat. Without a word, he went upstairs. Clara heard rustling and the movement of items coming from the room.

After several minutes, the distraught dwarf emerged from the room. He had a small pack. He pulled out some gold coins and pressed them into Clara’s hands. “Do not allow anyone to meddle with the rooms, please.” It was enough gold to hold the rooms for a month easily. Clara nodded. The dwarf left the inn without another word. The innkeeper put the coins into her purse. She finished tidying up and went to bed. She didn’t understand what was going on. But she didn’t have a good feeling at all.

____________

A few minutes before Nobby Nobs began his shout of “It’s Twelve O’clock and All’s Well,” he stumbled across a crumpled figure in the shadows. Resolved to find a street with a better outlook, Corporal Nobbs did an about-face. Right into the broad chest of Captain Carrot.

“Have you found something, Corporal Nobbs?”

“I was hoping not to,” he sighed.

Together they moved further into the shadows of Treacle Street. Nobby stayed slightly behind Carrot. To better guard his back. This wasn’t the Shades. But anywhere with a shadow could become the Shades this late at night.

Carrot leaned down over the figure and held his lantern over it to inspect. The light shone on the body of a well-armored dwarf. His helmet lay to the side with a large dent caving it in. The dent was also evident in what was left of the dwarf’s head.

“That ain’t a pretty sight,” said Nobby as he queasily looked around. The body looked like it had been there some hours already. But you never knew when an assailant was waiting for his next chance. And anyone who could do that to a dwarf’s helmet wasn’t someone Nobby was eager to meet in the dark.

“Go get Commander Vimes while I secure the scene.”

Nobby didn’t need to be asked twice. He hurried towards Psuedopolis Yard on quick feet.

By the time he returned with Vimes, Carrot had stretched a thick ribbon in a perimeter all around the body. Vimes gingerly stepped over the ribbon to get a look at the scene that Carrot had lit up to the best of his ability. Thankfully, being the middle of the night still, they had attracted no onlookers. He looked down at the bloodied face of the dwarf. The beard was clotted with dried blood, and it was impossible to tell who he was looking at. “I don’t think I recognize this dwarf. Do either of you? I’ll have our Igor clean him up, so we can get a better look.”

He had already sent for Igor and two young watchmen to come respectfully escort the body once Vimes had finished his inspection here. Together, he and Carrot searched the area. Nobby stood guard to be sure no one interfered.

Off to the side lay a crossbow. An ax still rested on the dwarfs hip.

“Poor bastard must have been caught by surprise. There’s no sign either weapon was used,” Vimes said. “Doesn’t really look like Ankh-Morpork armor. May have been a visitor or a fresh transplant.” Many of the local dwarfs had taken to wearing lighter and more fashionable armor. This sturdy dark armor was all business and seemed it would be more at home in a mine.

Igor and the young watchmen assistants delicately collected the body when Vimes was ready. Once the body was gone, Vimes continued to look where the blood from the corpse was staining the stones. Not seeing anything else worth noting, he widened his search.

“Here’s another bloodstain. Might be another victim still alive somewhere.”

__________

Rincewind woke up when he heard all the commotion downstairs. He looked down at the makeshift bed Cheery made for Curly next to his own cot. The child was gently snoring. He’d pulled his blanket up over his face so that all that was visible were the wild copper ringlets. Rincewind pushed down his blanket to slip out of bed and see what was going on.

The Luggage sat in the corner nearest the unlocked cell door. Not long after Rincewind and Curly had settled in, the Luggage showed up. One unfortunate and confused officer tried to block the trunk from entering the building. Thankfully, all he had were a few bruises and a wild story to share with the young missus when he got home. Rincewind was pleased to see the Luggage. There was some comfort in knowing there was an unstoppable force at your side ready to protect your life with any level of violence necessary. The Luggage had even brought him a nice dressing gown and clean underwear.

The cell was beginning to feel positively cozy. Rincewind enjoyed all the luxuries your average wizard would appreciate. But he had grown used to not having them. Compared to many of the places he’d been, sleeping in a prison with an unlocked door was pretty comfortable.

Sparing a glance to be sure the child was still asleep, Rincewind stepped out of the little cell and moved over to the larger door to listen. As he approached the door, it opened. In stepped a grim-faced Corporal Nobbs. “We’ve found the body of a dwarf.”

Rincewind’s eyes widened. “Is it… Do you think it is some relation to the child?”

Nobby just shrugged. “They’ve got the Igor on it now. They brought the body to his… office to clean up and inspect.” Both men gave a small shudder.

“Is there anything else?”

“Not as of yet.” Nobby yawned. “I’m going to go catch a few winks before the Commander gets back.

Rincewind carefully walked back over to his cot and looked down at the little tuft of curls. He hoped that wasn’t the little one’s Mum or Dad. He wondered what would happen if that was the case.

Chapter Text

The sun was barely in the sky when the baby woke up. Rincewind woke to a tugging of his blanket. He attempted to roll back over, but then Curly grabbed a handful of beard, and it was a lost cause. Begrudgingly, Rincewind wiped the sleep out of his eyes. He sat up and looked around, remembering where he was and wondering how he had let it get this way.

The child was gnawing on the small brick of bread that Cheery had left him with. A grumble in his own stomach made Rincewind wonder whether breakfast would be delivered. A few minutes later, his question was answered when the larger door opened and Nobby entered. A small tray of food with two cups of tea was balanced precariously in his hands. He looked around for a place to set the tray, considered the Luggage, and thought better of it. He set the tray on the foot of the bed.

Curly immediately grabbed a piece of toast and crammed half of it into his mouth.

“Any more news about the uh, situation from last night?” Rincewind didn’t feel comfortable talking about the specifics with the child in the room. So far, Curly hadn’t said a word to him, and he wasn’t sure if he could talk. But who knew what toddlers could understand? Rincewind had no idea how these creatures operated. Wizards didn’t have children.

Nobby knelt down and was giving the toddler a whistle. “No word yet. Igor has been working for hours. The commander went home to his family last night. But he’ll be back soon. The wife has company visiting from Sto Lat. Some Duke and his family, I think. He’ll not want to hang around there I imagine. Not really his style.”

With that, Nobby left the room. Rincewind took a piece of sausage. It looked safe enough. As he sipped his tea, he wondered what the day had in store.
Then Curly figured out how to use the whistle.

*****

Lord Vetinari looked across the desk at the thin figure in front of him. The man was one of his many eyes and ears around town. He was no one important, and his look was inconspicuous. That was the point. He was the type of guy who could be anywhere, and no one would notice him.

“I don’t know where they went.”

Vetinari pressed his index fingers together beneath his chin. “Tell me again when you last saw them.”

“They left The Tranquil Duck in the morning. I watched them get into a carriage. The carriage driver was another dwarf. Didn’t recognize him. Tried to follow, but the carriage was faster than these old feet.”

“Tell me more about this carriage then.”

The old man described a completely ordinary carriage while Lord Vetinari listened. When he was done, he was dismissed.

After he left, Vetinari’s secretary entered the room. “The watch hasn’t identified the body yet. But it sounds like it might be one of them.”

Havelock Vetinari showed a hint of frustration as he stood up. He moved swiftly across the room to gaze out the window.

“And the child?”

“Still there, sir. Safe and sound.”

“Probably the best place for him right now.”

Drumknott gave a nod. “Will you be needing anything else?”

“Just send in my next guest. Hopefully, he’s got something more useful to tell me.”

The assistant stepped out of the room and closed the door.

Stuart Browne stepped into the office. The young man self-consciously smoothed his apron. Lord Vetinari began his next interview.

********

Samuel Vimes arrived at the watchhouse already irritable. His home was crawling with the duke and his family. Sybil had invited them to stay with them anytime they were in town, and they’d had the audacity to take her up on it. The only good part was that little Sam was enjoying his new playmate, a rosy-cheeked little 8-year-old girl. Vimes assumed she belonged to the duke. He only saw her in the company of her nurse and his Sam. The nurse had been quite distressed when young Sam had wanted to show his new friend all of the dragons in the sanctuary.

Carrot met him at the door looking pale. “Igor says he’s ready.”

Together they walked to the Igor’s laboratory in the basement.

“Good evening, Thir.” Igor led him through the dim lab.

Inside, Vimes found the corpse of the unfortunate dwarf. He looked down at the prone figure on the slab. A chill rolled through him as he realized he knew exactly who this dwarf was. He was looking at the body of the Low Queen’s consort, Aeron.

********

Clara sat in the quiet hall of the Tranquil Duck. It was too late for breakfast and too early for lunch, so there was no one present at the moment. The few guests she had were already out for the day on whatever business or pleasure brought them to the area.

She looked up when Willa came down from their room. She looked frightened.

“I heard a noise. From the dwarf room. But nobody is in there. Isn’t that right?”

“No one has been in all morning.” Clara stood up. “Go fetch Martin from the stable, then go stay in the kitchen.”

When Willa went out to fetch the stable boy, Clara hurried to the kitchen, herself. She glanced around. Her eyes landed on the heavy ladle resting in the stew pot. She grabbed the ladle, then headed up the stairs. If someone was in that room, they had come in through the window. People coming in through windows were up to no good. And she had been paid to keep anyone out of that room.

As she reached the top of the stairs, the scrawny stable boy started up the steps behind her. She looked down at his narrow face and almost laughed at herself. Martin was only 15 and weighed half of what she did. Why on earth had she summoned him?

“Go back and stay with Willa. Or keep an eye out for any watchmen.”

When she reached the door at the end of the hall, she gave a loud knock. She’d much rather scare off the intruders than have to find out how effective a ladle could be as a weapon. Though she was preparing just in case.

She knocked one more time, then used her key to open the door. She held the ladle above her head with her right hand as she pushed the door open. The room was empty. The sheets on the bed were tossed to the floor and the chair was tipped over. What little else was in the room was strewn about. But nothing particularly noteworthy.

Not knowing what was in the room before, she couldn’t really tell if anything was missing. As she contemplated the situation, she heard voices downstairs.

Clara closed and locked the door and hurried back down. At the bottom of the stairs, she found a sizeable troll standing in the main hall towering over Martin.

“Can I help you?” She asked, trying to keep the growing anxiety out of her voice.

“I look for the dwarf people. The ones what were stayin’ here.”

“There are no dwarfs here.”

“Where they go?”

“I don’t actually know. And why would I tell you if I did?”

“Mr. Shine. Him Diamond. Wants the dwarfs.”

“I don’t know what any of that means. I can’t help you, anyhow. If you have no further business, please see yourself out.”

The troll stood still for a moment and just looked blankly at Clara. Finally, he accepted the situation. “Mr. Shine not gonna like dis at all.” With that, he turned to leave. When he accidentally overturned a bench, he stopped to set it right. Then he squeezed out the door that had not been built with trolls in mind.

*******

Vimes entered the room where Rincewind sat with Curly, trying to persuade him to trade his whistle for a fluffy toy. The child wasn’t interested.

They both looked up as the Commander pulled out a chair and sat down. He quietly examined the child. He had no doubt now. This was the child of the Low Queen. He understood why he had seemed familiar. He knew they had a baby, but he really didn’t know much else. Sybil would have known all the details. Sybil probably knew the child’s full name and birth weight. But she was home juggling the nobility of Sto Lat right now.

The child looked up at Vimes and smiled. He toddled over to the commander, then tapped Sam’s chest plate. He liked the armor.

Vimes picked up the toddler and sat him in his lap. Chubby fingers examined his face with a curious fascination at the lack of beard. In his excitement over the newcomer, the child had dropped the whistle. Rincewind moved across the room with a speed that barely seemed possible. He stealthily picked up the whistle and walked over to the nearest window and casually dropped it outside.

Commander Vimes ruffled the child’s curly red hair and set him back on the floor. He had to find out what happened to the Low Queen.

“We’ve got to see the Patrician. Come along. Bring the baby.” With that he stood and left the room.

As the trio left the watchhouse, a carriage drew up to the curb. A door swung open, and without hesitating, Vimes climbed in. Rincewind paused, apprehension on his face. Then he just groaned, realizing he really had no choice. He passed the toddler into the carriage and hopped up behind him.

***************

Lord Vetinari sat inside the curtained carriage. He explained what he knew.

“The Low Queen Blodwen, Aeron, and the child had been staying at The Tranquil Duck along with their servant, Jolod Flintmaster. The Queen has disappeared without a trace. Jolod had been seen since the disappearance, but there was no indication he knew where Blodwen had gone. It seems he had been knocked out and came to only to find the Low Queen and the baby gone. He had been frantically looking for them on his own until Vetinari found him.

“What were they doing in Ankh-Morpork?” Vimes asked.

“Blodwen was working on the precarious alliance between the dwarfs and the trolls. They were doing so in secret because there has been much resistance on both sides. As well as outside of either group. There are those who fear an alliance between the two factions.”

“Why in the Disc would anyone want them to keep fighting?” Rincewind looked incredulous.

“For some, it’s a matter of tradition.”

“The fighting?”

“Of course.”

“Okay…” said Rincewind, still not getting it, but not wishing to either. “But who else wouldn’t want peace in our city?”

“Anyone who fears the consolidation of power. Especially when they are on the outside of that power. The dwarfs are quickly gaining influence as well as wealth here in the city. The trolls may not have their level of skills, but they are powerful, nonetheless.”

“Ah.” Rincewind warily peered out through a small slit in the curtain.

Vimes only listened.

They pulled up to a small inn. Vetinari looked at Vimes. “Here is the inn they were staying in. Go on and have a look around. Perhaps you’ll find something that has been missed.”

A few moments after Vimes went in, an attractive young woman emerged from the inn’s front entrance. Her dark braid swung with the brisk stride she made towards the carriage. “I’d like to know what exactly is going on here.” She addressed Lord Vetinari as if he were one of her stable hands.

The patrician didn’t seem at all taken aback. He smiled at the agitated face of the dark-haired innkeeper. “We have only yours and your guests' interests in mind, I assure you, Miss Tavner.”

Suddenly, her eyes were drawn to the movement behind Vetinari. The bubbly toddler was crawling up the back of the seat. She recognized him instantly. Her expression softened and her eyes brightened. “You’ve got him. I was so worried.”
Realizing he was being talked about, the baby turned towards Clara and seemed to recognize her. He reached out his arms and she picked him up and planted a kiss on the top of his head.

Then she looked serious again. “What happened to his parents?”

“I’m afraid that is the mystery of the hour.”

Clara held the little one out as if inspecting him. Seemingly satisfied, she hugged him back to her and looked over his head at the Patrician.

“I hope you solve it soon.” She handed the baby back to Rincewind. He’d watched the entire exchange with a sort of dreamy look on his face. Surprised Curly was back in his arms, his attention was back on the toddler. The child immediately grabbed the wizard’s hat in both hands and tugged it down nearly to the bridge of his nose.

Clara watched Rincewind and the child and gave a small smile before retreating to the Inn.

Soon after, Vimes was back in the carriage. He looked grumpier than usual. “Nothing there to find. Too much nothing. Someone beat us to the room. If there were any answers there, they are gone now.”

The carriage began towards the Patrician’s Palace.

As it began to roll down the cobbled street, something smashed into the front wheel of the carriage. Both horses whinnied in surprise. The carriage tilted forward as the wheel broke. Rincewind found himself clutching the baby with both arms as he struggled to keep from falling forward. Another stone pelted the rear flank of one of the horses. The horse reared back on its hind legs and both horses tried to run in different directions. The driver lost control and the horse that had been struck pulled wildly, shifting the carriage. It now faced the brick wall of an empty building.

Vimes was on full alert now. He scrambled out of the carriage, his sword drawn. Another rock narrowly missed the Commander and took the open door behind him off its hinges. Looking around, Vimes attempted to locate their assailant. A rock flew from another direction and hit the back of his knee causing it to buckle and Sam went down. His knee smacked the ground. As he got back up, another one smashed into the carriage. This one hit Rincewind’s hat and knocked it off his head. He quickly grabbed it.

Suddenly Rincewind felt himself being pulled from the carriage. The Patrician had yanked him out. Leaning forward he said “Run. Keep him safe.” Another stone slammed into the pavement next to the Patrician, whose expression didn’t change.

Rincewind did what he did best, and ran.

Vimes spotted a large, hooded figure that must have been a troll, given the size, and sprang towards him.

The Patrician seemed to disappear into thin air.

Rincewind noted all of this in his brief glance back before he sprinted around the corner with the child still held tightly against his beard. He darted into a nearby alleyway and was confronted with another hooded figure. This one didn’t look large enough to be a troll. Something seemed to gleam in the shadow.

Rincewind froze, his eyes wide. “Give me the child,” the hooded person said, in an almost sweet voice. A female voice perhaps. But the sweetness did little to mask the coldness beneath. A sound behind Rincewind caused him to turn around. The Luggage came barreling down the alley, its many feet smacking against the ground as it picked up speed. Rincewind stepped to the side as the Luggage made directly for the would-be assailant.

A large, strong hand wrapped around Rincewind’s thin upper arm. He felt his feet lifting from the ground and began to flail when he heard a familiar “Ook!” The Librarian pulled him into a window. Soon he was face to face with the orangutan who put a furry finger to the lips of his large orange face.

A scream outside the window told Rincewind the Luggage had found its mark. But another figure, this one much larger entered the alleyway, casting its shadow onto the window. The three stayed completely still. Even the toddler seemed to understand the need for stillness.

When the shadow moved past, the Librarian led them into another room and down some stairs. After 30 minutes of winding through basements and into alleys and even over one set of rooftops, they reached the Unseen University.

They climbed the stairs and Rincewind paused outside the library. “Wait! Is the library safe for a child?”

“Ook.”

“Very well then.”

Once inside the library, Rincewind realized that Curly had somehow managed to fall asleep during their escape. The Librarian quickly made a hammock for the little guy. Now that everything was quiet, Rincewind remembered to be afraid.

Chapter Text

Cheery gazed into the murky bottle before her and groaned in frustration. The science should be right. It had to be right. But if so, then why wasn’t it giving her the answer she needed. The liquid should have turned a light purple, yet it remained clear. She picked it up and shook it hard over her head, not even caring that her meticulously shaped curls were falling loose around the rim of her helmet. She liked fashion more than your average dwarf. But police work, especially involving chemicals, was her greatest passion.

She sat the bottle back down on the desk with a thump. Still nothing. Her hunch had been wrong. She heaved a sigh of disappointment and stood up from her oversized desk (they were still crafting the furniture around here with larger people in mind) walked over to the bin and dumped the contents, while resisting the urge to smash the bottle as well. She might need that later if she could come up with a better sample.

The High Queen was missing, Aeron murdered and now Rincewind had disappeared with the baby. The Patrician had also vanished, but she wasn’t concerned about him. That sort always turned back up. And by that sort, she meant specifically the Patrician. He could handle himself as well as the entire city. She needed something solid.

Where to go next? No way forward that she could see. How about backward? Yes. That’s the way to go. She decided to return to the inn. There might still be something in that room.

Cheery carried the unsmashed sample bottle to the sink in the small kitchen and dropped it in. She grabbed a fresh bottle and tucked it into the stylish purse on her hip. She looked around cautiously before pulling a small tube from the same purse and applied a fresh coat of pink lipstick. Cheery smiled at her reflection in a grimy window before exiting to the street. She could care about policing and still take a moment to feel pretty.

****
Clara looked out into the dining hall. The generations of quiet that the inn had enjoyed were being threatened. Business had picked up since the disappearance of her important guest. The new customers weren’t really any noisier than her usual crowd. There were just more of them. More dark strangers sitting in dimly lit corners. More lords and their secretaries. There was a distinct air of observation in the tavern. People were curious. People were investigating. This quiet new upheaval left her feeling anxious.

She nearly dropped the tea kettle she had forgotten was in her hand when someone touched her shoulder. Clara was never jumpy, yet she had nearly dumped a pot of hot tea onto her own feet over the light touch of her sister. Willa pulled her hand back with lightning speed, seeing the look on Clara’s face.

“Sorry Clara,“ she said and looked down at the tea kettle clutched in Clara’s hands. Clara’s knuckles had turned an alarming shade of white, verging on transparent. “Give me that thing.”

Clara pulled the hot kettle closer to her chest. “What do you think you’re about? Get back to the stew.”

“No. I think it’s time I had a turn out there. I’m nearly a married woman! You can’t treat me like a child forever, Clara. I don’t think you’ve slept in days. You need to sit and rest. I can handle more than you think I can.”

Willa reached her hand out and pried Clara’s fingers from the handle. Clara didn’t even resist. All arguments froze in her throat because she realized Willa was right. Willa was grown. When had that happened? And what was happening to Clara’s world? Everything seemed to be changing. Too much, too fast. She truly did need to sit down a minute.

Kettle in hand, Willa swept out of the kitchen and into the hall. Her warm smile, which Clara always worried would give the wrong customers the wrong idea mostly went unnoticed. Clara pulled her stool closer to the open doorway to watch.

As Willa approached Casanunda, Clara tensed. The small man looked up at her sister. A ridiculously tall wig perched atop his head. It seemed he was done hiding, because no one would dress the way he was if they didn’t want to be noticed. When he saw Willa walking towards him, he prepared his most charming smile. Willa returned charm with charm. As the two made conversation, Clara strained to hear what sort of words might be reaching her sister’s innocent ears. But they were too far away, and she could only see Willa pour the tea into the cup. As Willa walked away from the table, Clara was surprised to see Casanunda’s attention immediately go to his cup of tea. He didn’t even leer.

When Willa returned to the kitchen, Clara was relieved to see the same free-spirited and peaceful face on her sister. “What did Casanunda say to you?” Willa blushed. “He said I was so sweet, he hoped to have a daughter like me one day, if he didn’t already. What a strange thing to say! But he was very nice.”

****
Casanunda sat in the hall, surrounded by quiet rustling and murmuring. He rested by the fireplace, though the season was too warm still to have a fire lit. What was happening to him? The young girl who poured his tea was beautiful. Her innocent smile even more becoming than that of her older sister. It was obvious they were sisters. They had the same eyes.

Years ago, he’d have made a pass. But she was so young. A child. Girls so young no longer held any appeal. He had wooed so many women over the years. Tall women, thin women, large women, young women, old women, very old women. He smiled a little to himself thinking of that Nanny Ogg. Sometimes the chase really was more fun than the catching.

He’d left home when he was a young dwarf. He never felt like he fit into that world. He couldn’t bear to be underground. And he couldn’t even tell which dwarfs were female; a very singular priority for him. They never responded to his charm. He’d crafted his allure over the years. He’d studied under many great women. The real secret he’d learned, was to always try harder. Though for the last few years, he felt like he was just going through the motions. The affair that had ended in his hiding at The Tranquil Duck once again had hardly seemed worth the effort. Maybe he was done with love as an occupation. At least he still had his swords, banditry, and stepladder repair.

He looked over at the fellow in the darkened corner to his right and gave him a nod. “Don’t suppose you’re in the need of a mercenary?” The man shot Casanunda a cold glare and then turned his attention back to the ale in front of him. Casanunda shrugged his shoulders and deflated a little.

***
Rincewind looked around the library. It was a place only the librarian could truly feel at ease in. Yet it was probably the safest place for him and Curly.

“Ook!” The librarian didn’t like Curly getting too close to most of the books. He had selected a few books he didn’t think could hurt the child.

“Oh, I see he’s taken an interest in the occult. Probably best to curb that while he’s young.” Rincewind caught Curly before he managed to slip into the dark aisle. Some of the books rattled in protest. They wanted the company. “Oh no you don’t!” Rincewind addressed the shelves.

Curly didn’t protest. He tugged Rincewind’s beard and dropped his head to nuzzle the whiskers. “Probably missing his mum.”

The librarian nodded. “Ook.”

The baby lifted his head and looked at the Librarian, let out his own tiny “Ook!” Then he giggled.

“Was that his first word? If we don’t get him back to his people soon, he’ll be speaking Orangutan.”

“Ook.” The Librarian smiled and held his long arms out for his little protégé. The child leaned out to exchange the arms of one caregiver for the other. The Librarian took him and ruffled the child’s hair. Their hair very nearly matched. Then he reached down and picked up a small book and handed it to the child who hugged it tight to his chest before giving the corner an exploratory bite.

Rincewind watched the exchange then sighed. “I guess you’ve got this handled for now. I’m off to have a nap. Wake me for tea.”

***

Cheery arrived at The Tranquil Duck just as Willa began serving dinner. Clara saw the new arrival and furrowed her brow. It wasn’t that she didn’t want them to find the High King. Or were they supposed to say Queen now? These things were more confusing than ever lately. But she really hated that the mystery seemed to originate from her business and home. So now she was in the middle of it whether she wanted to be or not.

Clara approached the officer. “Good evening, Sgt Littlebottom. What brings you back so soon?”

Cheery smiled at Clara with pursed lips. Instead of answering, she looked around the room, taking in the evening crowd. “Looks like business has picked up.”

“I’m afraid it has. I do hope you find the royal family soon. If it stays this busy, I may have to hire more help. Would you like access to the room again? It’s been requested a number of times, but as I’ve been paid in advance, I’ve kept it empty.”

“Yes. In a little while. First, I’d like to examine this room. I don’t believe we did so the first time around. Where did the High Queen and her family usually take their meals?”

Clara walked over to the table in question, with Cheery trailing behind, looking around suspiciously at the evening patrons. An unusual looking dwarf sitting by the fire caught her eye. He stared back at her like he was studying for a final exam and the main subject would be Cheery Littlebottom. Unnerved, she focused on the table Clara brought her to. Currently, Clara was hovering above a youngish looking couple whose hands were exploring one another in a way best suited to the upstairs rooms. The young woman pulled away from her lover’s embrace and blushed up at the tavernkeeper.

“Best get back home to your husband, Jana. He’s got a birthday you could be preparing for. 80 is a special birthday, is it not? I’ve heard he’s been especially lucid this morning and wondering where his young bride might be.”

The couple nearly tripped over each other, knocking over the lit candle as they bolted from the establishment. The flame went out as the candle thunked to the table, changing the shape and depth of the shadows in that corner of the room. As Clara set the candlestick back up and pulled out a match to relight it, Cheery stilled her hand. “Wait.” In one of the new shadows, a substance faintly glowed in between two planks of the table.

Cheery pulled her clean bottle from her pocket and a thin leather pouch from another. Carefully she slid out a thin knife that might have been a scalpel and scraped as much of the substance as she could into the bottle before replacing the cork. She placed everything back in her pocket before asking to once again be escorted to the family’s sleeping quarters.

Thirty minutes later, Sgt Cheery exited the room, and waited to see that Ms. Tavner locked the room up tight. The investigation of the room had been disappointing. But perhaps this was actually a good thing. Commander Vimes was always suspicious of clues anyhow.

She had the glowing material to examine at least. She hoped it would turn out more informative than the ore she’d removed from the corpse of Aeron. That was apparently nothing more than common Morporkian street sludge. But what she had tucked away in her purse was not something you’d find on the streets. This was something you’d find deep underground. Very deep. What it meant; she wasn’t sure yet. But she planned to find out.

At the exit of the door, the strange dwarf stood waiting. As she approached, he bowed so low his wig nearly touched the floor.

“Count Giamo Casanunda at your service.” He returned to his upright position and smiled at Cheery. He held out his card, which she took more out of impulse than any desire to actually take anything from this dwarf. Cheery was a dwarf of the modern era. This was after all, the century of the fruit bat. In fact, she was among the first to openly self-identify as female. Now even the Low King had outed himself as a herself. But who ever heard of a dwarf with no beard? And in a wig? And what on the disc was he even wearing? Not a lick of chainmail, no iron boots.

“I’m sorry,” Cheery found herself at a near loss for words. “I do not require your assistance.” She pushed past him and into the evening air, feeling flustered. She breathed in the fresh—well perhaps not fresh—but “outside a tavern” air, and smoothed her chainmail as if the odd encounter had somehow wrinkled her clothing. She shook her head at her own absurdity and marched back to Pseudopolis Yard.

***
Casanunda remained staring at the door after the Sergeant exited. He’d never seen a dwarf like her before. Long ago, he’d moved on from the dark mines and stuffy ways of his native land. But maybe if there had been dwarfs like her, he might have been inclined to stay.

She had lipstick and mascara! And knees! He’d obviously assumed dwarf women must have knees. But who could know for sure? A dwarf in a skirt. Now he had seen everything. And she was beautiful! At best, he’d only ever thought another dwarf to be handsome before. His heart raced. Feelings he believed he was perhaps moving beyond came flooding back. He rubbed his smooth chin and wondered at himself. Could he really see himself with another dwarf? Of course, she had shown no interest in him. But that was of little consequence. He had given her his card. He was confident he’d get another chance. Next time he’d not be caught unprepared, and she would see what an intriguing and charming fellow he could be.

He turned and noticed Clara looking at him quizzically. He winked and gave her a half-hearted waggle of the eyebrows before ordering another drink.

Chapter Text

Rincewind woke in the library to the sound of giggling. As he sat up, he rubbed his eyes and examined his surroundings. Curly stood on a pile of books atop the Librarian’s desk and leapt into the orangutan’s outstretched arms. This resulted in a shriek and more laughter as the Librarian immediately dipped the toddler into a low swing before raising him over his head. By the time Rincewind had ambled over to join the two, Curly was gasping for breath between fits of laughter. When the Librarian saw him approach, he set the toddler down.

The child started to protest, but when he reached out for his hairy entertainer, he wobbled on unsteady legs before falling on his behind. He reached out for Rincewind this time. When the wizard picked him up, Curly immediately nuzzled into the wiry beard. Rincewind sighed. It seemed he and his beard had become a sort of surrogate mum to the little one.

“Ook,” said the Librarian as he thrust a book out for Rincewind. Reading the cover, Rincewind raised his eyebrows.

“This seems rather advanced for him, don’t you think?”

Without changing expression, the Librarian continued to hold the book out for Rincewind to accept.

“Very well. I think Where’s My Cow? Would be more appropriate than Ores and More: Delving Deep into Minerology. But what do I know about dwarf children? I guess identifying ores is probably toddler 101 if you live underground.” Rincewind took the book and found a plush armchair to sit in as he began to read aloud.

He was halfway through the first chapter when the door of the library swung open. For a moment, Rincewind thought he was mistaken because the door appeared to still be closed. Then he realized that was because the whole of the door was filled with the body of a robust, white-stoned troll.

The Librarian immediately put himself between the new figure and the toddler in a protective stance. He bared a ferocious mouthful of teeth at the intruder.

The troll held out both hands with palms facing the occupants of the room. One hand presented a small paper. “I’m here to help. To guard de child of de Low King ... er Queen.”
Rincewind looked around the room, trying to decide where he was going to run and hide as he asked, “Says who?”

“It’s on de paper. Mr. Shine says I go watch de baby and de wizard. Paper is signed by Mr. Shine, Him Diamond. Also, Lord Vet-i-na-ri,” the troll carefully sounded out the name of the patrician. “Dey say library is a good place, but guards make it better.”

“Guards? I only see one of you. Are there more of you?” Rincewind’s eyes darted around looking for more trolls.

“I am Alabaster. I stand by door. I am large, and um, look … large. No one will cross me without permission.” Then Alabaster stepped to the side, revealing a smaller troll. This one was as dark as Alabaster was pale. “Dis Onyx. She will stay in de shadows. Patrol de grounds. She watches, and she is fast.” The white troll’s voice took on a tone of admiration.

Onyx didn’t speak. The smaller troll’s eyes shone like black and white marbles in her dark face. She gave an almost imperceptible smile then stepped backward into a shadow Rincewind hadn’t even noticed before and vanished. Curly gasped in surprise before Rincewind could.

“So, you two are a team?” Rincewind summoned a minuscule amount of courage to cross the room to obtain the paper Alabaster held in a stony hand. As he got closer, he saw the paper wasn’t small, but a regular sized paper that only looked miniature in the hand that held it.

As he approached, Onyx reappeared as if materializing from nowhere. “What the…” Rincewind started. This time her smile was a little more perceptible, and a touch wicked. She clearly enjoyed her job. She took the paper from Alabaster and deposited it in Rincewind’s unexpecting hands with a flash of speed. She seemed to be showing off. Alabaster watched the other troll with unconcealed adoration. Curly clapped with delight.

“We only recently started working together,” said Onyx. Her voice was gravelly, but more like a purr than the grinding of rocks you heard in many trolls. “I’m not from around here. But Al and I complement each other’s work well, so I expect we’ll be working together a lot in the future,” she flashed the white troll a quick smile. The ebony troll spoke with better grammar than was typical of the trolls Rincewind had met. He wondered where she was from. Was there a whole land of trolls like her somewhere?

Rincewind took his eyes off the duo as he quickly read over the paper. It included the patrician’s seal. Even a highly intelligent troll wouldn’t likely be able to fake this document, he decided. So, it looked like he now had guard trolls.

“Ok,” he said looking back up. Onyx had already vanished again. “Well thanks, I guess.”

Alabaster gave a curt nod before once again moving to cover the entirety of the doorway.

“Well, I suppose that is that” Rincewind said to himself before resuming the chapter on iron ore. Curly’s attention was torn between interest in the book, and the troll standing at the door. He looked positively thrilled as if a mountain had come to visit him. It seemed the prejudice between dwarf and troll needed to be taught, because the toddler clearly had no idea that he was supposed to feel anything but excitement and awe in the presence of living rock.

*****************

A knock at the door startled Cheery from her work. She’d been examining the substance she found at the table of the inn. Currently it was giving her more questions than answers, but she was sure that if she pursued the questions, she would find what she was looking for. She continued to stare at her lab work until the knock repeated. She covered her vials and dishes before unlocking her door, not wanting to risk cross-contamination.

When she opened the door, she found Nobby standing there with a small box tied up with a dainty blue ribbon. “A boy left this for you downstairs.”

She took the box, but Nobby remained. He looked more curious than she was about the box’s contents. At the moment her mind was still largely with the work she’d been pulled away from. Could that box have anything to do with the case? As she looked over the pretty box, she doubted it would contain anything of substance.

She thanked Nobby and shooed him away before closing the door and locking it again. She had no interest in entertaining his idle curiosity right now. Cheery put the box down a safe distance from her work, washed her hand before returning to her study.

A notepad to her right held a list of places she thought might be worth looking into. A few hours later she had narrowed the possible origins of the glowing cave fungus to a handful of places she knew about in the Ankh-Morpork area. She’d need to put together a small team to go with her this time, as she couldn’t be sure what to expect.

She thought about the Low Queen and what she might be going through right now. Had she seen Aeron be killed? Did she know her baby was okay? Was Blodwen even still alive? Feeling the urgency of the situation more than ever, she picked up her list and began planning what to do next.

Before leaving the office, her eyes landed on the box. There was no time for frivolous things, but the investigator in her couldn’t just walk away from a mystery. Even a mystery as seemingly benign as an unopened gift.

Cheery pulled the ribbon off and lifted the lid of the small box to peer inside. On top, there was a small letter. She unfolded the paper and read:

Dearest Cheri,

Please except this small token of my esteem. I would like to reiterate my desire to assist you in any way I possibly can. You will find that I have a wide variety of skills that could be at your disposal. I can be found at the Tranquil Duck at anytime over the next week.

Aspirationally Yours,

Count Giamo Casanunda

Beneath the short letter there was a shining steel dagger. The smooth handle shimmered with dark red and white marbling, with just a touch of black outlining the two dominant colors. She picked it up and carefully turned it in the light, watching as the colors seemed to shift as the reflected light slid along the handle. A small card rested in the bottom of the box declaring the dagger to be a “One of a kind” Cherry Blossom Agate handled dagger, crafted by none other than Bryn Brynson: one of the most revered dwarfish crafters in all of Ankh-Morpork. His smelting process was said to have no equal.

Interesting that Casanunda chose to send a dagger. While Cheery wasn’t typically a weapon-loving type of dwarf, there was an elegance to the dagger that made it tempting to keep. If it had been an axe, rejecting it would have been simple. Still, she couldn’t accept a gift from this unknown dwarf. Who knew what he’d be expecting in return. She placed the blade back inside the box resigned to send it back.

Before stepping out the door though, she looked at her list again. The thought of going underground to these strange and possibly dangerous places sent a shiver down her spine. Perhaps one more weapon on hand wouldn’t be a bad idea. And she was rather curious to test out the blade to see what all the fuss was about. She’d only ever used the Watch supplied weapons. Would this really be any better? She could always send the dagger back after the Low Queen was located.

Chapter Text

The tavern was buzzing with activity. Every table and room at the inn were filled, and Clara was having to turn people away. The tipping point had come this evening when a large party of dwarfs arrived. There were too many, and she told them. But they paid her more than she could reasonably turn down. So, she agreed to allow the extras to sleep in the stables. The stables were also full, but the horses rarely complained. Not that it mattered if they did, since horses paid no coin, and dwarfs paid handsomely.

Even with the extra cash flowing in, Clara wasn’t sure it was worth it. Willa and her fiancé, Stuart, were both helping tend to all the patrons. The constant hum of conversation was starting to make her head feel like it was filled with bees. Why would anyone ever intentionally want to own a busy tavern?

The only good thing to come out of all of this had been watching Willa truly blossom into a grown woman.

Clara had begun to worry that her sheltering and protecting of the girl had gone too far. But Willa had grown up watching her older sister and when given the opportunity to manage things on her own, Clara was relieved to see Willa could handle things without her overbearing protection.

As she looked into the dining hall, Clara saw Stuart bus two tables and Willa expertly dodge the wandering hand of a rowdy drinker. When the hand at the end of the burly arm instead collided with Stuarts wiry frame, Clara held her breath, worried for the boy. The young man did not waver though and instead, gingerly pushed the mans hand back into place on the table in front of him.

“You might want to watch where that goes, or it could end up in the stew pot.” Clara was alarmed to see that Stuart’s butcher knife was held casually in his other hand. When had that happened? Last she saw he had been balancing a tall stack of pewter plates to carry back to the kitchen.

When the inebriated man took in the expression on the butcher boy’s face and then the knife, he immediately decided to refocus his attention on the table and patrons around him. He let out a loud laugh that wasn’t at all convincing. Clara exhaled the breath she had been holding. These kids really could handle themselves, it seemed.

A few minutes later she returned to the kitchen. At the pot stood the stable boy cautiously stirring the stew as if he were concerned he might get caught stirring incorrectly. He looked up at Clara and gave her a tentative smile. She was relieved to see that he had followed her instructions about cleaning up before assisting in the kitchen. His face and neck were red and raw from over-vigorous scrubbing. Even his fingernails looked clean. He wore his regular clothes but had donned the largest apron in the kitchen to cover them. What fit snuggly on Clara’s curvy body hung loosely on the slim frame of the 15-year-old. She hated to ask him to do double duty like this, but she was paying him extra for the extra work.

Commander Vimes had loaned her the use of Dorfl, the Watch’s first golem hire. He was technically patrolling the entire area but had been instructed to pay special attention to the inn and its patrons. His presence had been enough to discourage any potential shenanigans in the stables, thankfully.

Also in the kitchen, sitting at the small table Clara and Willa typically ate their meals, sat Count Casanunda. He grinned at Clara when their eyes met. “It’s getting rather crowded around here,” he declared.

Clara’s full lips disappeared into a flat line. “This area is not for guests. If you aren’t satisfied with the accommodations at my inn, please find another one. I’ve got more than enough business here without you.”

The count seemed dumbfounded by Clara’s vitriol. While she’d always been a no-nonsense sort, she’d never seemed so angry before. At least not with him. He felt abashed and stood up immediately, giving a low bow. His oversized wig fell to the ground at her feet. Hastily he picked it up just as Stuart came barreling into the kitchen with plates and soup bowls. Finding a dwarf and a wig where there had been none before stunned the young man. Stuart lost his footing, and one of the soup bowls went flying. Unfortunately, it was still quite full.

The bowl bounced off Casanunda’s head and the contents spilled over the elegant wig.

Casanunda pulled an embroidered handkerchief from his pocket and attempted to wipe down the sopping wig. Clara just huffed in frustration before storming out of the kitchen and back into the dining hall. She nearly ran into Willa on her way out.

Willa quickly surveyed the kitchen and addressed the bedraggled count. “You know, I think you look better with out it.” Her sweet smile seemed sincere.

Coarse brown hair covered Casanunda’s head. It was cut a couple of inches short and was aggressively wavy without being quite enough to call curls. Without the wig he looked more ordinary. Attention was now drawn to his eyes, which sparkled with an unceasing good humour.

“You think so?” He asked. He examined the wig thoughtfully.

“I do. Do you mind?” Willa asked as she bent down to Casanunda and ruffled his hair when he didn’t protest. The resulting mussed hair made him look younger. “Yes. Definitely.” She smiled satisfactorily at him, and Stuart cleared his throat.

“Maybe it is time for something new,” said Casanunda as much to himself as to anyone else. He gave a quick bow to Willa and walked outside to find somewhere to dispose of the ruined wig.

*****

Commander Vimes wasn’t in his office when Cheery knocked on the door. “Oh, he’s not in there,” the rotund Sgt Colon informed her.

“What? Where’d he go?” Cheery’s face tensed in frustration. The list in her hand crumpled slightly in her tightening grip.

“Didn’t we tell you? Someone was supposed to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“He and Captain Carrot are meeting with Lord Vetinari. He’s sent out most of the men and women of the Watch out as well, on different tasks. It’s just you, me, Nobby, and Igor still here at the Watchhouse.”

“No one else is here?” Cheery’s face paled. She needed a team. The list couldn’t wait. But going alone sounded like a bad idea.

She thought of where everyone was posted. Everyone that she knew of anyhow. Angua was out. She and Sally were out investigating and questioning vampires, werewolves, and other nocturnal sorts around the city, looking for leads.

It seemed best to leave Nobbs and Colon here at Pseudopolis Yard.

Then she thought of Dorfl. Vimes had put him at the inn. But what was left to patrol at the Tranquil Duck? She’d basically searched and scraped the place from top to bottom. Besides curious looky-loos, there was nothing interesting happening there.

Who else did she have? Dorfl would be a formidable partner to take into the depths. And didn’t he have exceptional night vision? She couldn’t remember, but that sounded right.

She’d check with him first and try and think of other potential recruits on her way.

When she arrived at the Tranquil Duck, Cheery first encountered the beardless dwarf who’d sent her the shiny dagger. His ridiculous wig was gone now, and his short dark hair was loose. He was coming out of the stables. When he saw her, he looked surprised. But soon his expression changed to a broad grin.

“Did you like my gift?” He asked her.

Cheery thought of the dagger that she had at this very moment tucked away on her person. But she wasn’t about to let on that she was carrying it. Accepting his gift would only encourage him. And she had no interest in a dwarf with no beard, who wore silks and satins and ruffles! While she had bucked many of the accepted cultural norms of the dwarfish people, everything had to have it’s limit. A dwarf could be a female. A dwarf could wear lipstick and skirts. A dwarf could even eschew axes and quaffing ale. But how could any self-respecting dwarf walk around with such a bare chin. Wasn’t his face cold. And where was his iron, or at least chainmail. He wouldn’t last 10 minutes underground in such fine clothing. Even if she could overlook all of that, she had heard that he had a reputation. Not that she’d asked. Well, she hadn’t asked many people. She was conducting an investigation after all.

“Thank you for the gift. But I’m afraid that it wouldn’t be right to accept gifts from citizens. As a member of the Watch it could give the wrong idea.” She thought about returning it right then, but that would mean admitting that she had chosen to carry it. Besides, she was still sort of curious to test it out. She’d never had such an elegant weapon before.

“Well then you have nothing to worry about. I’m not a citizen of Ankh-Morpork. I’m here strictly on pleasure. And the gift isn’t for you as a member of the Watch, but as the most alluring dwarf I have ever encountered. Casanunda offered his most charming smile.

His response flustered Cheery and she was thankful when she spotted Dorfl rounding the bend and moving in her direction.

She flagged him and explained the situation. Unfortunately, she was unable to sway the golem to her cause. Vimes had given him specific instructions, and though he was a free golem, he would require Vimes’ explicit permission before abandoning his post.

When Dorfl left to continue his patrol, Cheery stood in place racking her brain for more ideas.

“I could help,” said Casanunda from her side. She started at his voice, having nearly forgotten he was there. She looked him over, once again taking in his fine clothing.

“I don’t think so. I need watchmen or a soldier or … well someone like that.”

“I’m a fine swordsman and soldier of fortune. Did you not see my card?”

“The card that declares you to be the World’s 2nd Greatest Lover?”

“That’s the one,” he smiled at her.

“And an outrageous liar.”

“Only sometimes. You’d be surprised how handy a skill like that can be in times of crisis,” he retorted.

“Where’s your sword?” Cheery asked him.

He seemed surprised to have gotten this far, because he just stared at her for a moment. Then he beamed. “It’s in my room! I’ll fetch it. Don’t move.” Without waiting for argument, he turned on his elegant heel and hurried back to the inn.

Cheery merely stood, wondering if she had just made a mistake. She shouldn’t have asked about the sword. But then, what other options did she have?

*******

From the shadows around the Unseen University Onyx watched as people moved about unaware that they were being observed. Near the gardens, she watched on as a scrawny teenage boy slyly dug into the earth pulling out a bunch of carrots before absconding down the street. She didn’t care. The root vegetables were someone else’s problem. She looked on as a supposedly celibate wizard snuck into one of the outbuildings with an attractive young seamstress. What the wizards did with their own time was their own business.

After some time, something that did concern her caught her eye. An unusual group of characters had approached an alley near the university and were without a doubt skulking. A challenging endeavor given that among them were two trolls almost as large as Alabaster and a golem of similar size. There were a couple of dodgy looking men among the group as well.

She recognized none of them. But she knew the look of people up to no good. It was a look she’d grown up seeing everywhere. In the least popular region of XXXX resided some of the deadliest creatures on the Disc. This was of course why few people chose to explore there. Many maps omitted the region altogether hoping to discourage curiosity. But for those who were born there, deadly was a way of life. If you didn’t learn to look over your shoulder from a young age, you’d be a pile of rubble before you learned to walk upright.

Ankh-Morpork by comparison had been an absolute paradise. Even with all of the questionable characters, if you were used to paying attention, very little could catch you by surprise. Alabaster had caught her by surprise though. Despite her size, Al was a gentle and peaceful soul. In the few months Onyx had worked for Diamond, she’d met all sorts. Some almost as nasty as those she’d left behind on XXXX. But when she was put on duty with Al, she found herself relaxing for the first time in her life. If it weren’t for the nature of their work, she’d almost worry that Alabaster’s influence might make her go soft, or at least more porous. But when push came to shove, Alabaster knew how to throw her weight around. And there was no one else Onyx would rather have at her back.

The sketchy group began to spread out, looking for the best way to sneak into the university. The two men moved in one direction together.

The shorter of the two had oily brown hair, and his pale skin shone in patches beneath his filth. He wore black clothes, which only made the light patches of skin stand out more. He moved about as subtly as a troll toddler.

“Hey, check out this hedge right here. I bet if we crawled in there, we’d get right up to the building without anyone seeing,” he said in a stage whisper to his compatriot. There was no answer. He turned to look behind to see empty air where he’d expected to see his partner. “Jeth? Where’d you go?” He felt pain as something touched the back of his neck, then everything went black.

The trolls had required a little more effort to deal with, but she still made short work of them. It turned out the golem was amongst those still enslaved. She didn’t want to harm someone who’d had no choice, so she was relieved when the last troll standing fled. The golem must have been instructed to stay with the troll, or else he simply had no other instructions to work with, because he trod away in the direction the troll left with no further interest in the university.

She was glad she and Al had been posted here. They’d only been here a short time, and people were already trying to infiltrate. If this continued though, she wondered if there might be a less conspicuous place to hide and protect the baby. Protecting children was such a foreign concept to her still. But she was adapting to the ways of those around her. In Ankh-Morpork, and apparently in most other parts of the world, children were considered precious.

With the current trouble dispatched she decided to return to the library to update Alabaster. It wasn’t strictly required. But there was no harm in being thorough.

Chapter Text

Vimes sat at his desk putting together in his mind all that he had learned. He tried to see how they all fit together, and it was starting to cause a pain right behind his eyes.

He peeled his daily banana as he thought about the uptick in crimes. This was particularly notable amongst newly immigrated trolls and dwarfs. Chrysoprase stated the new trolls had nothing to do with him. That was hard to believe since he was the leader of the troll disorganization, Breccia.

When interviewed about it the troll tugged at the lapel of his suit and appeared irritated about the situation. But Vimes found it difficult to gauge genuine emotion in the stoney face of a troll.

Meanwhile the influx of dwarfs since the disappearance of the Low Queen continued to increase the dwarf population, to the point that the city census was exploding. Everything was bursting at the seams. Local business owners complained they couldn’t keep up and undocumented, non-guild businesses were popping up on street corners and previously abandoned buildings. An interview with the infamous CMOT Dibbler focused primarily on this aspect. The business owner’s grumbling about the new unwanted competition led to Vimes buying two extra meat pies of questionable origin before beating a hasty retreat. It was a rare situation as Dibbler rarely failed to find a way exploit nearly every scenario.

Sybil had come by the office as well. She wouldn’t admit it, but Sam suspected she needed a break from the houseguests as well. Seeing the meat pies next to his banana peel, she’d raised her eyebrows but chose not to mention it. His sour mood likely dissuaded her. Instead, she just pulled a chair next to him and held his hand while allowing him to alternate between grumbling and sitting in silence.

After thirty minutes had ticked by, she stood up, brushed a tender kiss on his cheek and whispered “You're still better company than the Duke of Sto Lat.”

He smiled and gratefully returned her kiss. He was once again lost in thought before the door snicked shut behind her.

He barely had a moment's peace when a knock at the door informed him there was a small party of dwarfs waiting to talk to him.

*******************************************************************************************************************************

On his way out of the inn, Casanunda encountered Clara. She took in his weapon and slight alterations to his ensemble.

“Will you be checking out today?” She asked him.

“Not at all. I’m only going for a bit of an adventure.”

“Oh really? And you’ll need a sword?”

“Possibly. I’m assisting Sgt. Cheery Littlebottom on her investigation to find the Low Queen.”

Clara nodded thoughtfully.

Count Casanunda sketched a bow before turning on his heel and hurrying away.

When Casanunda returned from retrieving his sword, Cheery was relieved to see that he seemed to carry it as if it wasn’t his first time. She was also relieved to see that he had changed into some more sensible boots. His outfit, overall, still appeared frivolous, but not in a way that should restrict movement at least.

“I’ve got a horse as well,” the fancy dwarf offered. “She’s fast as anything and wouldn’t object to two riders of our noble stature.”

“No, that won’t be necessary,” Cheery quickly replied. “Where we’re going a horse would be an inconvenience.”

“Oh,” said Casanunda. “Where is it exactly that we are going?”

“I can’t say exactly, but it will be underground.”

The count’s face grew a shade paler before he straightened his back and nodded solemnly. He refused to acknowledge the creeping uneasiness in his gut.

Littlebottom bit her lower lip wishing she could think of something else.

“Well, I guess this is it then. Let’s go.” She glanced at her list noting the closest place. The entrance could be found beneath an abandoned shop not far off of Treacle Mine Road.

Before they made it off the property though, Clara came flying out of the inn. One hand grasped the front of her skirt. “Wait!” She shouted. Her cheeks were flushed, and her long braid swung wildly behind her.

Cheery stopped and looked at her. “Is something wrong?” Her hand was already hovering over the steel at her hip. Her eyes darted around, looking for the source of danger.

“No,” Clara panted. “I want to come with you. I can help.”

Cheery looked over the plump form of the innkeeper skeptically. The long skirts, the large heavy ladle tucked into her apron. But also, the strong hands and sturdy back. Maybe … But she quickly dismissed the consideration. This woman had no training. When was the last time Clara Tavner even left the Tranquil Duck?

“That’s very thoughtful of you, but you should really stay with your inn,” Cheery said gently.

“Willa and Stuart have got it all handled. I’ll do more good somewhere else. Besides, the Low Queen went missing from MY inn. I take the responsibility to my patrons very seriously.” This may have been a slight exaggeration, but she really did worry about the Low Queen and felt some degree of accountability. She had always prided herself on having such a private and safe inn. She had felt gratified that the Dwarfish consulate had chosen her inn of all the places in Ankh-Morpork to conduct business from.

“I’m sorry…” Cheery began.

“Please!” Clara’s eyes were frantic and pleading. “I need to get out of there to breathe. I’d rather fight a dragon than spend one more minute in that place right now.”

“Ma’am I can’t risk a member of the public in such a way.”

“You’re taking him!” Clara retorted, gesturing at Casanunda.

“Well, he’s uh. He’s a mercenary. A …”

“Soldier of fortune.” Casununda filled in helpfully.

“How exactly does one become one of those?” Clara asked pointedly.

“You … well you need a weapon, and you should know how to fight.”

Clara pulled out her oversized ladle. It was easily as long as the count was tall. “Want to have a go?”

“That won’t be necessary,” he said, eyeing the kitchen utensil warily.

Cheery was becoming impatient. “We really better be going. Thank you for your offer, Miss Tavner but …”

Clara firmed her jaw. “Lead the way.”

Cheery buckled under the unwavering countenance of the innkeeper. Sometimes you could just tell when a battle would be lost before throwing all your men to their deaths. “Very well.” The small band headed off in the direction of Treacle Mine Road.

*****************************************************************************************************************************

In the library, the dwarf toddler had wandered over to Alabaster as she stood guard at the door. He reached out his pudgy fingers to stroke the rough stone of the troll’s ankle.

“Let’s not bother nice Mr. Troll,” Rincewind shrieked as he rushed to pick up the child.

“Miss Troll,” corrected Alabaster in a soft voice.

“Uh, what?” asked the wizard as he examined the troll quizzically. “You are female?” He eyed the enormous body and broad face wondering how to distinguish a female troll from a male one. Onyx seemed close enough to his ideas of feminineness as she was smaller and polished and had a sort of brutal grace about her. Anything about her that didn’t fit could be chalked up to her being a foreigner. Alabaster, however, was an Ankh-Morporkian troll. Weren’t the girl trolls around here usually named something pretty like Amethyst or Ruby?

He supposed it didn’t really matter. Male or female, this troll could easily squash anyone who crossed them. It did make him wonder a bit more about the looks that passed between the two guard trolls. He had thought there was something soft in those looks, something that made him think of potatoes. ‘None of my business,’ Rincewind told himself.

Alabaster stretched a boulder-sized hand out toward the tiny dwarf and said “I don’t mind da wee guy. I have many younger siblings, myself.”

In response Curly reached both arms up to the troll. Rincewind was still hesitant to allow the troll to touch the baby. What if she accidentally crushed him?

“What is da tiny dwarf name?” asked Alabaster.

“I call him Curly, because of his hair.”

“Dat is not his name though?” Alabaster looked at the curly red hair of the small child. “I think … Copper would be better name. Also because of him hair.”

Without warning, the toddler launched himself at the troll who easily caught him in her large hand. He giggled in delight and immediately began climbing from the troll’s palm up her rocky arm as if he were on a little mountain excursion. When he made it up to her face, he immediately tried to stick his grubby hand into a cavernous nostril.

The sound that erupted from the troll may have been a giggle. Rincewind just watched on wordlessly. His was surprised at how gentle the troll was with the miniature dwarf.

As the toddler continued to explore the troll, a strange sound erupted from below. It sounded like some sort of an explosion. The floor beneath their feet vibrated and a few books slid off a shelf and spilled to the ground with a couple of muted thumps.

Alabaster’s eyes widened and her posture immediately went rigid. She reached up and gingerly plucked the toddler off of her shoulder and passed him back to Rincewind.

The Librarian appeared at Rincewind’s side with an equally concerned expression. “Ook?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” answered Rincewind. “But that didn’t sound good.”

The troll turned her back and again faced out into the hallway. She held a log-sized club that had previously been hanging from a thick strap at her hip.

Two more explosions sounded almost simultaneously. Glass shattered somewhere behind the shelves and multiple bookcases tumbled to the ground.

Rincewind took a long step in the direction of Alabaster who had now whirled around to face the noises coming from the interior of the library.

To his right, the shadow shifted and Rincewind let out an ear-piercing scream that he cut off abruptly as he recognized Onyx.

“Down!” She shouted before hurling something that spun through the space his head occupied seconds before. Someone let out a grunt of pain before collapsing to the floor.

Rincewind was astonished to see the figure was a dwarf. How he had gotten all the way up in the library, was anyone’s guess.

Alabaster was suddenly hovering above Rincewind and the baby. “You an’ Copper, come wif me,” she ordered before gently pulling the wizard up by the scruff of his robes as if he were a wayward puppy.

When he was firmly on his feet, with the dwarf toddler clutched close to his chest, she ushered them both toward a corner of the library with The Librarian. With no effort at all, she picked up the large heavy desk and plunked it down in front of the trio. “Stay behind dis,” she said before thundering in the direction of what turned out to be another troll. Her large club was already raised above her head as she approached the foe who was nearly her equal in height and girth. But with momentum on her side, she brought down the invading troll before he could inflict his own attack. The floor shook as the stilled body of the troll crumpled.

Curly gripped Rincewind’s beard in two tight fists and buried his face between them.

A clatter nearby caused them both to turn their heads in that direction as The Librarian leapt with ease to the top of the desk. He fell back on his large orangutan elbows and thrust his powerful legs forward, meeting a man in dark leather gear. The impact sent the man flying into another shelf, and for a moment the rage in The Librarian’s eyes at watching yet another case of books tumble to the ground was nearly as frightening as the threatening invaders.

Something heavy and wooden bumped into Rincewind’s side, eliciting another shriek of alarm. But it was The Luggage, standing beside him. The Luggage had backed up protectively to his side and faced outward like a guard dog. A very eager guard dog. Rincewind almost pitied anyone who might attempt to approach from that side.

He didn’t have to wait long to start pitying. A tall muscular woman stopped a respectful distance away before addressing Rincewind. “Just hand over the lad. No one is gonna hurt him. He’ll get to go see his mummy.” Then she addressed the baby. “Don’t you want to see your mummy?”

“Mummy?” Curly asked, cautiously looking up from Rincewind’s beard. He looked around the room as if he expected her to appear amidst the chaos.

“Yes!” the woman answered eagerly. A saccharine grin spread across her face. “I’ll take you to her.” She moved toward them with sudden speed. A knife had appeared in her hand. But before she halved the distance between them, she met something much faster and more vicious than she could ever hope to be. There was a moment of surprise and utter confusion which never had the opportunity to turn to a more appropriate look of horror before she disappeared into the trunk.

Curly squealed and clapped his hands like he’d just watched a magic trick. He reached excitedly for The Luggage, but Rincewind held him tightly. When The Luggage returned to their side, Curly managed to reach out his hand enough to pet the trunk affectionately. Rincewind could almost have sworn he heard The Luggage purr in response as it wiggled a little closer to the toddler.

Another explosion sounded, this one inside the library. Shrapnel ricocheted off of Alabaster’s stone body as she hunched to cover her softer-fleshed charges. Their section of the library was cast into near darkness.

Onyx rushed over to them and inspected Alabaster’s body. She carefully plucked a metal shard that may have been part of a chandelier a few seconds ago. Her dark hand lingered at the large of Alabaster’s back, worry shining in her marble eyes.

“I’m okay,” Alabaster assured her as she straightened up while still shielding the wizard and child.

Onyx seemed to realize where her hand was and quickly withdrew it distractedly.

“I don’t think we should stay here,” she said as her eyes never stopped scanning the environment around them.

“I agree.”

“Where will we go?” Asked Rincewind.

Both trolls jerked at the sound of his voice as if they had forgotten he could talk.

“I don’t know,” answered Onyx. “But we’ll start by getting away from here.”

She had thoughts of heading back toward the Psuedopolis Yard. But she didn’t want to share any of her ideas aloud because she was sure they still weren’t alone.

Rincewind followed Onyx out of the library with the child in his arms. While he was getting used to the heft of the little guy, his arms were starting to hurt. Seeming to understand this, The Librarian reached over and took the baby from him.

Rincewind resisted the urge to snatch him back. The orangutan was much stronger and faster. It wouldn’t hurt to let him have a turn carrying Curly. Alabaster followed closely behind the group. Both trolls were on high alert as they fled the library.

Chapter Text

The dilapidated sign above the long defunct shop read “hoe Rep.” The rest of the sign had either faded or rotted away with time. But Cheery gathered that this had once been a shoe repair business. The building was beyond condemned and no one had yet considered attempting to pull down what was left in order to build something new. Looking at the rest of the street it was no wonder. Even members of the Beggar’s Guild didn’t bother with this area. The only shops that remained on Pinesap Avenue were only still in business because the ancient clientele was sort who would only change their patronage after the building burned down or Death himself arrived to escort them to the shops in the Great Beyond.

Entering the building was easier than expected. Despite a number of locks and wood planks nailed across the old storefront window and door, the wood was so rotted all she had to do to open the door was give it a hard shove. The rusted locks remained in place, but the mushy wood gave way easily. She worried that was too easy, and also regretted breaking the door in such a way that she couldn’t close it properly behind her.

However, after an hour of searching in the fading light, she was disappointed to find that this particular trip had been a waste of time for anything other than scratching an item off her list. The old entrance to the mine here had taken some time to find in the depths of the basement. When she did find it, it was clear that the entire tunnel had collapsed years ago. Possibly even before the shop had been condemned.

She, Casanunda, and Clara returned to the street once again and shook off dust that wanted to cling to every part of them.

“Where to next, boss?” asked Casanunda.

“Boss?” replied Cheery. “I hope that you are aware that you have not been hired. And I am in no way responsible for your wellbeing. You are with me strictly as an adventurer. I don’t have the authority to offer you anything.”

“All I ask is for the pleasure of your company,” said Casanunda with a sincere smile.

Cheery didn’t know how to respond to that, so she didn’t.

“Well, I suppose we’ll have to try the next place. It’s awfully close to the Unseen University. Supposedly hidden with some sort of magic. But I’m hoping we’ll have some luck on our side.” She privately hoped for another scenario like this one. Everything around the Unseen University had a way of being … complicated. But it made the most sense to check it next.

As they approached the University, they heard blasts. Cheery was aware that the Low Queen’s child was being kept there, in the library. She began running. Clara and Casanunda knew nothing about the location of the royal toddler, but they matched Cheery’s pace. When Cheery drew her axe, Casanunda unsheathed his sword, and Clara pulled her ladle from her apron.

When they heard the sound of footsteps heading in their direction Cheery stopped and grabbed Casanunda’s arm with her free hand and yanked him into the shadows against the nearest building. He grinned as metal clanged when his body collided with hers, but she quickly pushed him to the side and did the same to Clara. When she pressed her back flat against the wall, the other two followed her lead. She pressed her finger to her lips, but they already had the idea.

Seconds later an unfamiliar dark troll passed them followed by the familiar figures of Rincewind, The Librarian, and the Low Queen’s child. The group was trailed closely by a large pale troll who stood out like a beacon in the gloom of the evening.

Without allowing herself any hesitation, she quickly stepped out of the shadow in front of the large troll. She drew herself up to her full 3’4”.

“STOP!” she shouted at the group. “By order of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch.”

The troll looked around with a confused look. “Where is city watch?”

“In the absence of my brothers and sisters in arms I am the City Watch,” Cheery replied, trying to look a little taller. She unconsciously rocked up on the balls of her feet, giving her another half inch or so.

“Sergeant Littlebottom!” Rincewind called out behind her.

“What are you doing outside of the library with the child?” she demanded of Rincewind.

“Ook!” The Librarian replied.

“What is going on?” she asked Rincewind, ignoring The Librarian’s insertion.

“We don’t know, but the University has been, uh, compromised. Didn’t you hear the explosions?”

“We can’t stay here,” a deep voice seemed to purr from out of nowhere. Cheery nearly jumped out of her armor. How had the other troll gotten so close without her noticing?

“No, we cannot!” replied Cheery when she regained some of her composure.

The toddler had begun to squirm, so The Librarian handed him back to Rincewind who groaned as the weight of the toddler once again strained his noodle-thin arms.

“We were relocating the pair back to Pseudopolis Yard,” said the smaller troll. Cheery was surprised how clear and intelligent the smaller troll sounded. She’d only heard a troll so articulate in a freezer, aside from Mr. Shine, who was an exception as diamond troll. On examining the dark troll, she also realized she’d never seen one who looked like this before, and her accent was unusual as well.

“Who are you?” Cheery asked her.

“We don’t have time for this. We need to get this baby back to safety.”

“You’re right. Let’s go.”

As the party began moving as a unit in the direction of Pseudopolis Yard, a loud commotion from behind them caused them to pick up their speed. It sounded like a lot of heavy feet hitting pavement. A large group was running in their direction.

In front of them, flames erupted from the two closest buildings. Suddenly shadows appeared where there were none before, and they moved and shifted like living creatures as the flames grew at an alarming rate.

From behind them, two large trolls arrived. They were running right at Alabaster, and as they did, they picked up speed. Onyx shifted in a series of smooth movements to stand between the approaching trolls and Alabaster. Up against her own kind, she didn’t bother with blades, but fought unarmed, leveraging her weight in ways that seemed nearly in defiance of physics. For a moment, Cheery was mesmerized by the dance of the trolls.

Then someone came barreling out of the alley and slammed into her. Her body sprawled on the cobbled pavement and her axe went skittering out of her reach. She quickly shifted to her back to see her assailant. It was an enormous man with muscled chest and arms so bulky, he could almost be mistaken for another troll. He was twice Cheery’s height. His sweaty bald head reflected the flames of the buildings.

As Cheery reached for her axe without taking her eyes off of the hulk, he effortlessly kicked it further beyond her reach. Then he rested his foot on her outstretched hand. She could feel the bones in her wrist threatening to crack. He sneered as he raised his own axe high above her body.

Before he could bring the weapon down though, a blade burst through the man’s middle. Where one would normally expect a belly button, the end of a sword now protruded. He lowered his arm and looked down at the sight in confusion. Before he could make sense of it, the elegantly booted foot of Giamo Casanunda kicked in the backs of his knees causing the man to immediately buckle to the ground next to Cheery. Any thought of fighting quickly drained from him.

The Librarian snatched the axe from the hand of the man as he fell. The he charged into two more assailants, another bulky man, and a hooded dwarf. He quickly changed his mind about the axe and flung it away, preferring to fight with his bare hands.

Cheery scrambled back to her feet and retrieved her axe. As she launched back into the fight as new assailants appeared, she was impressed to see how well she and Casanunda worked together fighting side-by-side.

She heard a high-pitched scream and remembered Clara. A greasy looking man had one arm around the innkeeper’s waist. In his other hand, he held a knife against her face. Before Cheery could reach them though, Clara bit the man's hand and suddenly dropped her weight. The unexpected shift caught her attacker off-guard. As she slid down, she pulled her arm backward jamming her elbow as hard as possible into his groin. The man let out a howl of pain. Then, as suddenly as she had dropped her weight, she straightened her legs and stood up quickly, rocketing the top of her head into the underside of the man’s chin. There was a loud crack as something sounded like it broke either in his jaw or in his mouth. He spit out blood along with what was possibly a tooth and released the young woman. He had fully lost any grip he had on Clara. She immediately whirled around began beating the man with her ladle as he tried to cover his face. He was no match for her animal-like fury and soon collapsed to the ground.

When the man no longer fought back, she joined Cheery and Casanunda’s side. She had somehow acquired a sword of her own, though she may have been better off sticking with her ladle. When Cheery saw how she held the sword, she knew the woman would need some practice for it to be much of any use to her. But she was soon surprised to see that the innkeeper was doing just fine swinging the sword as if it were a living creature with a mind of its own, because none of the assailant’s expected that.

In time there were no more enemies to fight. They either lay on the ground around them, or they had fled. A fire brigade had shown up to deal with the fire.

Onyx had been injured and was on the ground as well. At one point she had been up against 4 other trolls while Alabaster fended off two men who had targeted Rincewind and the baby. Once Alabaster had laid both men flat, she raced to Onyx’s side and knelt, examining the smaller troll for injuries.

“I’ll be fine,” Onyx assured her. Her left arm looked like it had been disassembled and put back together wrong. But she slowly got back to her feet with Alabaster’s help. “Thank you, Al.”

Alabaster put a hand on each of her partner’s shoulders and looked into her eyes. “You are ok?” She searched Onyx’s face one more time, before relaxing a little.

Another scream tore through the night. Cheery looked at Clara before realizing it wasn’t the innkeeper this time. It was Rincewind.

Everyone else in the party realized the same thing. A hulking troll had grabbed the wizard who still clutched the toddler tightly to his chest. The troll was bounding off into the dark, in the opposite direction of the fires. He was heading back in the direction of the university. Both of the trolls, The Librarian, Cheery, and her two adventurers immediately began sprinting after the retreating figure. As they followed around a corner, they were met with an explosion. Someone had wheeled a large cart in the way and as it blew up, shrapnel of all sorts went flying in every direction. The fleshier members of the motley crew threw their bodies to the ground while the trolls batted away the debris.

Unfortunately, by the time they had cleared the path, there was no more sign of Rincewind or the baby.

Cheery stood up and brushed herself off. The only thing left to do was follow in the direction they saw the troll disappear and hope they caught the trail. The group of six fell into order with little discussion and rushed into the night.

Chapter Text

Rincewind thrashed in the stony arms of his captor, but to no avail. The child, who up until now had seemed thrilled by trolls, tried to crawl inside Rincewind’s beard to hide. The wizard found himself wishing for his own hiding place.

Why was a troll kidnapping them? Of course, he assumed they wanted the child and Rincewind himself was just a bonus. Or perhaps collateral damage. But why? Weren’t the trolls and the dwarfs supposed to be friends now? Kumbaya and all that? But then, hadn’t he seen some dwarfs as well amongst the raiders?

He supposed it didn’t really matter to him. Kidnapped is kidnapped. The real question was, how would he get out of this? Or perhaps the more realistic question might be, how would it feel to be squashed into the pavement? He closed his eyes. He’d rather not see the end coming at him.

Behind his closed eyelids, he could perceive the dank streetlights disappear and soon there was a sensation of descending. The air felt cool and damp. Each step jarred him, and the sense of impending doom grew with each heavy footfall.

After what felt like ages, Rincewind found himself unceremoniously dumped onto hardpacked earth. Curly still clung to him. But when Rincewind worked up his nerve to open his eyes, he saw the toddler was no longer hiding his face but had his head up and was taking in their stygian surroundings.

The troll left the room without a word to his captives; closing something that may have been a door but looked more like a slab of stone.

Soon Rincewind heard voices from the other side of the slab-door. So, it wasn’t soundproof. Hopefully that was a good thing.

Less hopeful were the words that floated to him from the other side of the door.

“Why did you bring the wizard? I only asked for the dwarf child!” This voice rumbled and hissed and made him think a little of the sound a crypt door might make when it slides open. Or closed.

“The tiny dwarf was stuck on wizard. It was faster just to grab both.”

“What am I supposed to do with the wizard?”

“I dunno. He do not take up much space.”

“It’s not a matter of how much space he takes! He could cause trouble. Take care of him.” This was followed by the sound of heavy footsteps storming off.

Oh no. Rincewind suddenly found himself searching the small dark space for somewhere to hide. A sickly green substance glowed faintly on the walls in some areas. But it did little to illuminate the room. His eyes were built for above ground endeavors.

What he could see wasn’t hopeful. Not so much as a niche or cranny to try and disappear into. Above him, he saw no convenient vent grates. Absolutely nothing to work with. He wondered if The Luggage could find him down here. The Luggage had a knack for finding him. He was pretty sure it couldn’t open stone doors though.

Curly climbed off his lap and began to explore the room.

“Let me know if you find any secret escape tunnels,” he said to the toddler.

The child stopped suddenly and babbled. For a moment he wondered if somehow the child had done just that. But then Curly held up a chubby fist. Clasped in the fist was a small brown rock. A few minutes later he acquired a second rock, and now he had a full entertainment system as he banged them together. He seemed pleased with the tiny clacking noise they made.

“Brilliant. You’ve found some rocks,” he said dryly.

Curly toddled over to Rincewind and placed one of the rocks in his hand. The wizard examined the rock for anything interesting. He established that it was brown, rough, and hard. In short, it was a rock.

He considered whether one of these small stones might be used to dig a tunnel into the stone walls. He even did a test scratch against the wall. Part of the rock broke off so that now he had one slightly smaller rock and one very small rock. It was a fool’s hope anyhow. Even if he were capable of digging into this wall at all, it wasn’t exactly a realistic plan. He didn’t even know how deep underground he was. But he’d wager it was quite far.

A scraping sound in the direction of the door drew both of their attention. Their burly captor entered the room carrying something that roughly appeared to be a tankard hewn from stone.

Rincewind scooted back against the wall, pulling the toddler with him. Trying to keep as much space between them and the approaching troll as possible. However, there wasn’t really anywhere to go. The troll bent his massive frame in half and held out the hand with the tankard in it. Up close the container appeared exceptionally large.

“Take it,” the troll ordered in a tone that brooked no argument.

Rincewind reached out with shaking hands and took the heavy receptacle. It’s size and weight required both of his hands. The shaking caused whatever liquid was inside of it to slosh out and he gasped in fright as the cold substance splashed on his hand. The result, however, was only a wet hand.

“What is it?” He asked the troll. He didn’t really expect the troll to announce “It’s poison” if that was the case. Poison wasn’t exactly how trolls dealt with things anyhow. They were more into the “dash your heads upon the rocks” type of execution.

“Water,” the troll answers. “For drinkin’. People need to drink water. Or was dat ale?”

The troll’s eyes widened slightly, and he scratched his boulder head as he considered this.

“Either would be preferable to whatever this is,” Rincewind muttered as he examined the substance suspiciously.

“You want somethin’ to eat?” the troll asked, drawing out each word carefully as if he were auditioning for the role of waiter.

“Uh, no thank you,” Rincewind replied. His traitorous stomach gave a quiet rumble.

“Ok,” said the troll as he turned to leave the room.

Rincewind couldn’t help himself though he regretted opening his mouth as soon as the words started coming out.

“That’s it? When do you intend to, er, take care of me?”

The troll looked confused. “Dat’s what I’m doing. Is der somethin’ else? I did ask about food.”

“No. That’s alright, never mind.”

With that the troll left Rincewind to contemplate his predicament.

Curly dropped one of his little stones into the tankard-thing and giggled. At least one of them was having a good time.

Rincewind wasn’t quite brave enough to risk trying to drink the murky water anyhow. So, he settled down on the cool floor. When the tyke put another rock in his hand, he obligingly dropped it into the water. It made a plink sound. Curly clapped his approval.

***********
Cheery and company ran through the street, desperately looking for some sign of the trail they had lost. Where might they be taking the child? It might help if they had some idea who “they” even were. What did they want with the child? Were these the same people who had the Low Queen? What had they done with her?

“Wait!” called out Cheery. “We need some sort of plan. We can’t just run aimlessly through the streets.”

The group halted with some awkwardness as Clara nearly ran into Onyx. Casanunda drew up close to Cheery, but he did so less awkwardly.

Onyx turned and looked at Cheery.

“What do you propose we do?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t even know where we’re presently running to,” replied Cheery.

“They went back in the direction of the library, so that’s the direction we are heading in.”

“Do you think they’d take him back to the place they just tried to abduct him from?”

“Well no. But what else is in that direction?”

Cheery thought. What else might they find in the direction of the Unseen University? Some taverns. Some dwellings.

Then she thought of her list.

“Beneath the Unseen University,” she said. “Well, not beneath necessarily. Perhaps around. But down below.”

The rest of the group looked at her.

Cheery pulled out the crumpled list.

“It’s where we were going earlier. When we collided with you lot. It’s the next stop in my investigation. I think that may be where they have taken them.”

She looked around at the group for agreement.

Casanunda scratched his beardless chin thoughtfully. “I’m in.”

Clara just shrugged.

“Ook,” added The Librarian.

“Lead the way,” said Onyx.

Alabaster fell in next to Onyx at the back of the group as Cheery led them to what she hoped would be what they were looking for. Never mind that only a couple hours ago, she had been sort of hoping the opposite.

The Fourecksian troll massaged her arm absentmindedly as they moved through the alley.

“How’s the arm?” asked Alabaster quietly. She eyed Onyx out of the corner of her vision without looking away from the path before them.

“It’ll be okay. Just have to shift some things back into place. I’ve still got one good arm for now.”

“I, uh, could help with dat. If you want. I have some petrology training.” She tentatively reached out and touched the wounded arm with a pale knuckle.

“We don’t have the time.”

“Oh … right.” Alabaster tried to mask her embarrassment and disappointment.

“Later though. That might be nice.” She turned her head and flashed her large friend a quick smile.

Despite the dire circumstances, Alabaster couldn’t resist smiling back. She continued the journey with a little extra spring in her step. She always felt so light when Onyx smiled at her like that. Being light when you weigh nearly a ton is something like being invincible. They would get Copper back. And after that she could take care of Onyx. She thought of what it might feel like to run her rough hands over Onyx’s cool, smooth stone. Alabaster might have blushed at the thought if that was something trolls could do. She shook her head to clear the distracted thoughts. Got to keep her head in the game.

Cheery moved remarkably fast for someone with such short legs. This motley crew might look like an accidental gang, but they had a certain chemistry together that gave each of them little hope. They would find this child and gods help anyone else who tried to stop them.

Chapter Text

“Are you sure this is it?” Onyx asked, skeptically.

“No! I’m not sure at all,” Cheery replied. She was feeling along a garden wall for a lever or brick that she could press in and reveal a secret door or something. She really had very little to go on. Less that she actually understood.

“Ook!” said The Librarian.

“Do you have a better idea? Because I’d sure love to hear it,” Cheery said as she scowled at the orangutan.

“Ook,” he replied, pointing to the half-crumpled paper in Cheery’s hand.

She smoothed it out the best she could and passed it over to him.

“There isn’t a lot to go on, based on what I knew when I wrote down this location. The file I pulled the information from indicated the entrance might move. I don’t know what to do with that sort of intelligence.”

The Librarian studied the paper as he scratched his head with a long furry finger.

After some quiet contemplation, he neatly folded the paper and passed it back to Cheery. She sensed some chastisement in his expression.
When she tucked it back into her pocket, the great ape waved for the group to follow him.

Soon they found themselves standing near an unobtrusive-looking shed. It was so unobtrusive in fact that Cheery barely noticed it until The Librarian led them to it. When he disappeared inside it without opening or breaking through the door, Cheery, Clara, and Alabaster all gasped in surprise.

After a few seconds, a hairy hand poked out the door without disturbing the wood and curled its finger in a ‘come hither” gesture.

With only a moment’s hesitation, Casanunda walked through the door followed closely by Cheery who was a little miffed she hadn’t gone first.

When everyone was inside, Cheery looked around and was surprised to see they didn’t appear to be inside anything at all. From where they stood, she could see the surrounding garden and hedge wall perfectly.

Inside the imaginary shed was a very small, very steep hill with an opening that was reminiscent of a root cellar. It had no door, just a dark, cavernous opening.

Cheery reached into her pack and pulled out a torch and started to light it. Then thought better of it. If this was really where they needed to be, no good that would come from announcing their presence. Everyone in her group should have some degree of night vision. Well, maybe not The Librarian. She wasn’t really sure how orangutan eyes worked. But once their eyes adjusted, they’d surely be better off with the torch unlit.

They began a careful descent into the darkness. Cheery hoped the trolls, especially the large white one, would be capable of stealth. She needn’t have worried about Onyx, as it was immediately obvious that she was the stealthiest of the party. Alabaster did have a heavier tread than the rest, but she impressed Cheery with her ability to move quietly with slow and deliberate purpose. She took up the rear as she often did.

Casanunda stayed close to Cheery. She was surprised to find he was nearly as stealthy as the black troll. The ridiculous dwarf was one wonder after another. Who would have thought a dwarf who wore silk and wigs could be so capable?

Sgt Littlebottom had read about this place in an old report from over a century ago. It had an almost mythological quality, and she wasn’t sure it would be real. As they descended below the depths of Ankh-Morpork, she wished she had read more on the subject. Who had created it? Was it the wizards? It had magic. But since when did wizards burrow underground like dwarfs?

If she had done more reading on the subject, she would have learned that many races and talents had been involved in the creation of this place. It was in fact many centuries old. Its purpose was mostly lost to history. But the lore was that it had been meant to be a sort of underground palace. Instead of ruling from above, some creative organization had thought to rule the land from the underworld. The idea had been scratched when it turned out men felt at a disadvantage when not in their usual element. The balance of power was too evenly shared in this field. So, the rulers moved back to their lofty palaces and towers to loom over the people before the dust had even settled on this excavation.

In time, the group started to hear voices ahead. As the stairs wound around, they couldn’t be sure how close those speaking might be. So, they all halted to listen.

A deep troll voice said “Now dat her know dat the baby is down here, she do not stop asking for him.”

There was a response, but it was too soft for anyone in the group to hear.

“I do tell her dat is not possible. But she is very per… per … she do not stop asking.”

The troll was silent again as he listened to the reply.

“Ok,” the troll sighed. He didn’t sound thrilled with whatever response he got. “I will go tell her dat.”

Then the sound of heavy steps indicated the troll was walking away, the other voice finally spoke loud enough for the group to hear.

“And WHY is the wizard still alive and breathing in my palace?” This voice was raspier, almost hissing by comparison to the deep timbre of the other troll. It gave one the idea of stone being dragged across stone. Only far more menacing.

The retreating footsteps halted.

“What? You said take care of da wizard.”

“And still he breathes.”

“Uh, yeah.” The deeper voiced troll sounded confused.

“I don’t know what you’ve been doing. But when I say, ‘take care of him,’ I mean for you to crush his bloody skull!”

“Oh. Okay.” The heavy steps began to retreat again. The other troll moved away as well, though it sounded like they were headed in a different direction.

Cheery looked around the party to gauge what their next step should be. She felt the obvious one would to be go after the troll who was just sent on a mission to apparently kill Rincewind.

When her eyes found Onyx’s though, she saw an expression that she couldn’t read. She had a feeling that Onyx had gotten more from that conversation than any of the rest of them had.

Onyx’s stony hand was gripping a knot in the wall so tightly in her fist that bits of it had started to crumble. Alabaster touched her hand in hopes of calming Onyx, who for the first time since any of them met her, looked truly agitated.

When the larger troll touched her hand, she looked up into the pale face of Alabaster and settled enough to release the destructive grip on the wall. But it was clear something was still bothering her. A lot.

While they had all heard the danger Rincewind was in, it seemed that news should have spurred the troll into action. Instead, Onyx seemed nearly glued to the spot. This was something to address, soon. But for now, they had to stop that other troll from crushing the wizard.

Clara surprised the whole group by suddenly leading the charge.

“We have to go stop him!” she said with conviction and charged into the unknown around the bend. The group quickly rallied behind the innkeeper.

Fortunately, there were no other surprises waiting for them. Since the group was in a much bigger hurry than the troll who seemed to just be trying to do his job, they caught him quickly.

Alabaster and Onyx together were able to overtake the would-be assassin without the assistance of the rest of Cheery’s team.

They held him in place so Cheery could question him. After an unexpectedly quick interrogation, they were able to learn exactly where to find the wizard, who thankfully was located in the same place as the toddler. They also found that the Low Queen was also located down here, but on a different level.

Even better, the troll had a set of keys that should open both cells, as well as a number of other rooms and cells in this subterranean place.

Once the troll was secured in the most out of the way cell the team could access, they began looking for Rincewind and the baby.

Following the directions given to them by the troll in question, they found the pair with little trouble.

When they entered the cell, Curly/Copper shrieked with delight and ran to The Librarian with his arms flung wide.

“Oook!” the baby said as The Librarian scooped the toddler and flung him into the air without letting go, eliciting a series of giggles.

Rincewind stood up and stretched his legs while dusting off his robes. He straightened his hat and let his eyes roam around the group.

“Glad to see everyone has made it,” he said. “I hope you all have some idea how to get out of this place.”

“We do,” said Cheery, solemnly. “But first, we have one more person to rescue.”

“Aye,” replied Rincewind. “I’ll be glad to be rid of this little freeloader.”

When he said this, The Librarian pulled the toddler close to his chest and gave Rincewind a scandalized glare.

“Only kidding,” Rincewind was quick to modify. “I’ll miss the tyke, I’m sure. I don’t know what I’ll do with a full night’s rest and no one to pull out my excess beard hairs.”

As if on cue, the toddler climbed out of the orangutan’s hairy grasp and ran back to Rincewind to be picked up. He buried his rosy-cheeked face in the wizard’s beard.

“Let’s go find your mummy,” he said as his expression softened. Then he hugged the toddler back.

Chapter Text

Reacquiring Rincewind and the baby had been easier than anticipated.

With that major task accomplished, Cheery had high hopes that finding the Low Queen was finally within their grasp. They had every reason to believe she was close by.

If she was able to ask after her baby, that meant she was still alive and with her faculties. They just had to find her before the imprisoned troll and Rincewind’s empty cell were discovered.

It helped that the troll they had stored away had no desire to notify his employer/master of his failure. Therefore, he was unlikely to do anything to draw attention to himself before it could be avoided. When Cheery last saw him, he was doing a convincing job of looking like he was knocked out, despite the fact that Cheery had been averse to harming someone who was being cooperative.

When they left the now empty cell, they locked it back to make it appear less suspicious from the outside.

As the team crept through the dark hallways peering into each cell as they went, they stayed on high alert with weapons and fists at the ready. Rincewind walked in the middle of the group armed with only the toddler. It was assumed without question that in a battle, he would be most effective at holding a child.

After the last debacle, no one in the group was willing to be far from the child. The Librarian allowed no more than a few inches between himself and the pair.

They rounded a corner, and the end of the hall was in sight. There was a door that may lead to a stairway. But before the entire group had entered this portion of the hallway, a small group emerged from one of the cells.

Three figures ranging in size were talking quietly. The tallest appeared to be one of the men they had fought in the alleyway. He was a large brutish fellow, towering over the other two who were a dwarf and a goblin. Cheery was surprised to see a goblin working with these people.

Cheery’s team immediately retreated back around the corner and waited as the trio moved in their direction. If they wanted to avoid a fight, they would have to avoid discovery.

Clara, who was currently the one carrying the keys, quickly opened the closest cell, and the group caught on immediately. Making as little noise as possible, they all slipped into the cell behind her.

“Did you hear something?” asked the man from the hallway.

The group stopped as if to listen. Cheery found herself holding her breath. She prayed the toddler was capable of staying quiet without instruction. For the first time, she became painfully aware of how easily carrying a baby around with them on this mission could put the whole thing at risk. But of course, there was nothing to be done about it. It was what it was.

Thankfully, the tot seemed to be naturally gifted with a quiet nature when needed. The child was practically built for espionage.

“I don’t hear anything,” said the dwarf.

“Wait! I think, over here. Perhaps,” the goblin said as it shuffled very near the door Cheery was hiding behind.

“We don’t have time for this,” said the big man. Then the goblin gave a small shriek of protest as if it had been shoved or otherwise aggressively handled.

The strangers moved away; the sound of their muttering died away as they travelled farther away.

Cheery waited until the hallway was silent for several minutes. Then Clara unlocked the door and the whole group once again continued toward the door they hoped would take them to a level to where they would find the Low Queen.

Out of curiosity, Cheery attempted to peek into the room they had seen the trio exit from earlier.

Unfortunately, the window stood a little too high for Cheery to peer into. Seeing the struggle, Clara stopped and stuck her own face against the bars of the small window. She was just the right height for the purpose.

“Hrmm. I think this may actually be what we are looking for,” Clara said.

The rest of the group halted.

“It’s a stairwell,” she added.

She started to pull out the keys, but Casanunda reached out and tried the doorknob. It opened without resistance.

The motley crew followed the small count into the dark stairwell. To the left, the stairwell led up and to the right, it led down, wrapped around a tight curve.

Cheery was positive that they would find their quarry only if they moved further into the depths of this place, so they took the opening to the right.

As they descended downward, the air took on a chill not felt at the higher levels. Clara rubbed her arms to combat the cold. However, a new gleam lit Alabaster’s eyes. She was truly in her element now. Remembering how intelligent Detritus has become in the frigid temperatures, Cheery hoped this would bode well for them. Of course, that would likely mean the same for whatever trolls they encountered down here. That was a less hopeful thought. Thankfully, the air was only moderately cold and not freezer temperatures.

With relief, they once again found an empty corridor when they carefully emerged from the stairwell on the next level down. The stairwell led farther down. But some deep instinct told them that they didn’t want to go down any farther.

On this new level of what the unseen troll had referred to as her palace, one could see hints of why someone might call it that. While the other hallway was dank and felt closer to a dungeon than anything else, this place felt opulent by comparison.

The stone here was smooth and nearly shimmered in the glow of a few torches. Lines of glowing green lichen wove down the walls in intricate patterns rather than appearing in random patches and runs as they had on the previous floor. The doors here were spread farther apart, indicating larger rooms. And instead of looking like cell doors, these doors looked proper. Bureaucratic, even.

Suddenly Cheery found herself worried they might be in the wrong place after all. This didn’t look like a place you’d keep a prisoner. She hoped the keys they had would work here.

With no idea where to start, Clara tested the keys until she found one that could open the first door. The rest of the party stood behind her, weapons, and bare hands at the ready.

Since Casanunda was the closest, he slipped into the room first. Cheery followed closely at his heels. The rest of the group joined them, and they looked around.

The room was even larger than expected. A massive, elegant desk sat near the back wall. An equally sophisticated chair sat behind it. In front were two cushioned chairs. Along the wall near the entrance were love seats on either side of the door. No art decorated the walls or surfaces, yet much of the stone seemed to have subtle yet attractive engravings throughout.

On the desk were some carefully stacked papers. Cheery badly wanted to investigate them. But this place felt like it was waiting for someone to enter at any moment. It wasn’t worth the risk to delay and possibly get caught.

The next two rooms apparently didn’t match any of the keys they had. The third door wasn’t even locked and turned out to be something like a broom closet.

It wasn’t until they reached the end of this long corridor that they found another door their keys worked on. When the door lock clicked open, Cheery nearly gasped in surprise. She was starting to suspect the troll had been less than honest with her.

Before Clara opened the door, Alabaster held out a hand and said in a barely audible voice, “Wait.”

So, Clara paused before opening the door. Alabaster stepped in front of Clara. She seemed to have heard something the others hadn’t.

Before any of them could touch the doorknob or re-lock the door. The door flew open, and, in a blink, Alabaster was face-to-face with an unknown dark troll. While the troll was smaller than Alabaster, there was a deadly quality to those eyes that made the larger troll step back unconsciously.

The troll’s eyes were wide and furious.

“How did you get in here?!” she asked in a low threatening tone. Her voice sent a chill down Cheery’s spine. It was like someone had walked over her grave. And that same person made her dig it herself first.

Yet when Cheery summoned her courage and stepped closer, she began to feel more relaxed for no reason she could explain.

The troll’s eyes roved to Cheery, and she gave the dwarf an almost peaceful grin.

“Have you come for your que…”

Before the troll could finish her sentence, her eyes landed on Onyx.

“You!” the troll shouted.

The small amount of ruckus in the hallway drew the attention of neighboring guards and soon they were joined by 5 guards of varying sizes and races. Two of them were trolls easily as large as Alabaster.

Onyx ignored the new arrivals. Her eyes were glued to this new troll. Now that Cheery was looking at them both, she realized some similarities. The two were comparable in size, and each was some shade of black, though where Onyx was smooth, the other troll had a duller finish. Her eyes were somehow a thousand times colder.

“Lina!” Onyx finally said. Her eyebrows lowered as she peered at the other troll. “Why are you in Ankh-Morpork? What are you up to?”

“You can address me as Tourmaline. We aren’t pebbles anymore. And I could ask you the same question, Onyx.” She hissed the other troll’s name. “They told me you ran away in the middle of the night. But I could hardly believe it. I knew you had your weaknesses. But I never would have believed my own sister would be a coward.”

“It is not cowardice to start a new life and live as I choose. I would have thought you’d be grateful since you always wanted me out of the way. The title and property will be yours now.”

“You were never worthy of it!” Tourmaline growled. The sound brought to mind images of rock being ground to dust.

“I never wanted it. But you did. So, I ask again, why are you here?”

“I would have gladly let you disappear off the face of the Disc. Unfortunately, Mother was furious. She couldn’t believe she’d raised a troll who would shirk her responsibilities. She sent me to find you and drag you back, in pieces if necessary. But when I got here, I found something far more intriguing. When Mother finds out how much power I can secure for our family here, she’ll forget you ever existed.”

“There is nothing for you here. Go back home, Tourmaline.”

“You couldn’t be more wrong. Do you have any idea of the power and wealth being held in this city? And it is full of superior races inexplicably bowing down to some scrawny human male. It’s absurd.”

With this, Tourmaline looked around at her gathered guards.

“Please escort our guests back to the cells. I may find some use for them.” Then her gaze landed on Clara and Rincewind. She seemed to silently debate something. “Take the baby and give it to one of the dwarfs. Dispose of the humans.”

From inside the room behind Tourmaline, a voice bellowed. “Bring my child to me! If you want me to even consider listening to what you have to say, I must have him, now!”

“Queen Blodwen!” Cheery shouted. Before anyone could stop her, the watchwoman ducked beneath the arm of Onyx’s sister and into the room beyond.

Then a true kerfuffle erupted.

Chapter Text

One of the guards, a large dwarf reached for the toddler in Rincewind’s arms, and the wizard shrieked so loudly, the chainmail on the guard’s uniform rattled. Then he darted away from the grab so quickly, the guard found himself trying to wrap his arms around air.

As he regained his composure and located the wizard’s new position, which was in a state of constant motion, he suddenly found himself face-to-face with something large, orange, and hairy. With deft movements, the orangutan grabbed the helmet right off the guard’s head and flung it down the corridor. When another guard, a second dwarf, joined the fight, The Librarian did the same to his helmet. They were both so thrown off by the action, they were ill prepared when their assailant grabbed each dwarf by the hair and slammed their heads into one another. The first one would have collapsed immediately, but The Librarian kept his grip and repeated the action to assure neither dwarf would stand back up when he dropped them in crumpled heaps on the floor.

Now the remaining guards were the two large trolls and another dwarf. The dwarf was now wielding a crossbow. There was also Tourmaline to consider. When she tried to follow Cheery into the room, Alabaster threw her weight into the smaller troll and toppled her to the ground.

Tourmaline had similar fighting skills to her sister though and knew ways to use her size and strength to her advantage regardless of the dimension of her opponent. In no time, she was on top of Alabaster and slamming the large rock skull into the stone floor.

Rincewind found himself watching, mesmerized. With a sickening dread in the pit of his stomach, he found himself wondering if one could actually crack open the head of a troll in this manner. If you’d have asked him last week, he’d have said absolutely not. The creatures seemed virtually indestructible next to his skinny and all to squishy frame.

Then the light went out of Alabaster’s eyes, and she stopped fighting back. That didn’t stop Tourmaline though, and she continued her assault. Until a pair of dark gleaming stone hands reached down and yanked her body off of the larger troll.

One of the troll guards lay motionless in the wake of whatever Onyx had just done.
Seeing that Rincewind had gone still, the last troll guard decided to seize the opportunity and grabbed the wizard by the shoulder. His bones seemed to creak under the pressure of the strong hand, and when he tried to pry it off of him, he found it unmovable. The troll reached for the baby with his other hand, and Rincewind had to think fast. He looked around and found that Casanunda and The Librarian were currently battling the other troll. Clara was struggling to hold her own against the large man. He was underestimating her because of her soft, feminine curves, and perhaps a little distracted by them. She was using everything she had to her advantage.

No one seemed to be available, but still he screamed.

“Help!”

Now that Onyx and Tourmaline were embroiled in an intense physical battle, they had moved away from the door. Cheery realized this and ran back out of the room to assist Rincewind.

“Take him!” he shouted, and she reached out her arms. The toddler didn’t hesitate before leaping into her waiting arms. Once the child was secure in her arms, she ran into the room to get him out of danger.

The furious troll’s grip tightened on Rincewind, and he imagined his bones would start snapping at any second. It was good that the baby was out of harms way, he told himself. But he would have preferred to have a little more assistance.

He cried out again, this time from a combination of pain and fear when he realized the troll was starting to pick him up. Images of being slammed into the wall, having all his bones smashed to pieces flew through his mind. Then the troll pulled him instead and he found that he was hurtling toward the ground and threw out his arms to catch his fall.

The troll landed with a much heavier thud next to him, shaking the ground with the impact. Rincewind looked up just in time to see The Luggage running past at full speed before turning again, ready to run over the troll it had just knocked down.

Rincewind sighed with relief at the short respite.

When a bolt drove into the neck of the man fighting against Clara, he remembered Cheery’s crossbow. The officer had re-emerged from the room and was taking quick aim at anyone one foolish enough to be made out of flesh and fight against them. She finished off the remaining enemies, excluding the trolls.

But when one the one who had just been attacking Rincewind disappeared into the gaping maw of the luggage in a feat that defied all physics, they were all out of opponents save for Onyx’s sister.

The black troll was making quick work of her though. Rage glowed in her pearlescent eyes as she stood and pulled Tourmaline to her feet. Instead of finishing her off though, she expertly placed a blow that rendered the Fourecksian troll unconscious. Then turned her attention to the too still figure of Alabaster.

She knelt before the massive pile of white stone and took Alabaster’s face in her hands.

“Al! Wake up!” she shouted. “Alabaster!”

New sounds attracted everyone’s attention but Onyx who only had eyes for her fallen companion.

Shuffling and shouting, and more than a little grumbling preceded the appearance of Commander Vimes, Detritus, Angua, and a handful of other watchmen not immediately identifiable to Rincewind.

Vimes took in the scene with a gaze that always seemed too observant by half, while still looking annoyed.

“Constable Littlebottom, care to explain what is going on here? When you AND the child disappeared, I had to have Angua track you down. And here you are in the same place.”

“Sorry sir,” replied Cheery. “The little one was swiped by these foul criminals. But we found him. What’s more, we found his mother!”

She led the group into the small room, while Onyx stayed behind with Igor who promised to help, though he had no experience with living rock and wasn’t sure how his knowledge of both living and dead flesh might be applied. He was always enthusiastic to try now things though.

Inside the room the found the tired, but healthy Low Queen. She had been shackled with two heavy chains to a corner of a room that had all the basic amenities. She sat on a low-lying bed, clutching the mass of red curls to her chest.

Vimes let out a long sigh. Then he ordered Detritus to take care of the chains. The troll snapped the chains with only a little more effort than it would have taken Vimes to break a thick string of yarn.

Cheery explained the situation with Tourmaline.

“I hope this doesn’t mean we’ll need to make a diplomatic excursion to Fourecks,” was his only response. Cheery paled at the very idea.

Then Vimes clapped his old friend into a powerful hug, mindful not to crush the little one. Detritus and the others took care of the fallen combatants, some of which were still alive. Soon they would be all behind cell doors.

When only Vimes, the Low Queen, and Cheery’s companions remained with Igor, everyone’s attention went to Alabaster. After countless minutes of rather bizarre ministrations none of them would ever be able to explain later, Alabaster opened her eyes. When here eyes found Onxy only inches from her face she pulled the smaller troll into a surprisingly passionate kiss for stone on stone. Onyx held her tight until she gradually became aware of their audience.

Then she laughed. A sweet, purring rumble that was contagious. Soon everyone was smiling and relaxing. Carefully, Alabaster got to her feet with the help of Onyx. They continued to hold one another as everyone started making motions to leave.

Casanunda turned twinkling eyes to Cheery. “Kind of puts you in a mind for romance doesn’t it?”

“Everything puts you in a mind for romance,” she said with a roll of her eyes.

“Still, what do you say? I hear Ankh-Morpork has one of the finest Dwarf delicatessens in the world. How about a dinner, just you and me. A celebration for successfully finding the low queen and reuniting her with her tot. My treat. You deserve it.”

Cheery gave a shrug. “Why not?”

Casununda’s grin grew across his face. Perfect!

Rincewind carefully approached the dwarf queen and her baby.

“I was wondering… What is his name anyhow?” he asked already a little sad that he’d have to say goodbye to the toddler.

“He hasn’t been named yet. I’ve been waiting for it to come to him. I had been considering the name Price.”

“Well, for it’s worth, I’ve been calling him Curly,” Rincewind offered, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck.

“Copper,” came the thick voice of Alabaster who was still recovering from her near-death experience. “Dat’s what I call him.”

The Low Queen just looked down at her child and asked him. “What do you think? Do you like those names?”

Curly/Copper clapped his hands enthusiastically and giggled.

“Well he certainly seems fond of them. They have a nice sound. I’ll let him decide when he is old enough.”

The rest was all paperwork for Vimes, a very, very, long meeting with Vetinari, and as he had feared a planned diplomatic journey to the distant land of Fourecks.