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So both Blair and Hannah B. are twenty dollars the poorer.
Sterling huffs and sighs her way through the entire morning after the party until Blair has finally had enough; she slaps her phone down on the couch, causing her sister to jump out of her skin.
“Blair!”
“I’ve had enough of you waiting for April to text you,”
“I’m not-“
“You are. But we’re not playing these games anymore, Sterl. Come on, we’re graduates. It’s time to buck up and take the plunge,” Blair declares, “Up you get. We’re paying the Stevens household a visit.” And with that, she’s up.
Sterling stays put.
“Blair, I don’t know if you recall this pretty life-changing event, but we happened to arrest John Stevens a little while back. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want me coming ‘round to visit his sexually repressed daughter at their family home to talk about if our homoerotic sex meant anything.”
“You really were in your own world last night. The Stevens’ are on some bullshit-“
“Language!”
“-grow up, Sterling- some bullshit couples retreat. They’re out of town. Do you really think April could get away with even attending a party if they weren’t?”
Sterling takes a breath in for her rebuttal but comes up short. She sighs, “you make a great point.”
Four outfit changes and half a packet of breath-refreshing gum later, the twins pack into the volt and head off.
Blair manages to drive like slightly less of a maniac these days, noting how Sterling’s entire frame seems to tense and shrivel in on itself when she does, so a crease forms in Blair’s brow when she notices Sterling nervously picking at her nails as she sits in the passenger seat.
“Hey, I’m going the speed limit,” Blair gently prompts, “would you feel safer if I took us a bit slower, maybe take some backroads?”
Sterling looks at her, confused. Blair nods her head at her sisters hands.
“Oh... no, you’re driving fine. Thank you. I love you, it’s just...” Sterling’s lips purse. “Let’s put on some Taylor Swift.” It’s not what Blair expected to come out next but she nods nonetheless and fishes her phone out of her pocket, keeping one hand on the wheel.
Sterling plays a short myriad of songs, leaning her head against the window and watching the world pass and Blair doesn’t complain; Taylor’s music seems to have a soothing affect on her twin.
When they pull up in front of the Stevens residence though, the nail picking is back with a vengeance.
“Hey,” Blair reaches across, placing her hands over Sterling’s, “it’s just a talk. I’ll be here the whole time. I’ve got fruit ninja and a full battery; I could survived for days. You take as long or as little time as you need. I’ll be here.”
Sterling’s watches her sister’s eyes for any sign of uncertainty, but the brunette believes in her with such conviction that Sterling can’t hold back the small smile that creeps onto her lips.
“Okay,” she nods.
“Okay.”
With that, Sterling slips out of the car. She takes a moment to breathe, take in the sight of a house she has actively avoided for far too long, steels herself and marches to the front door.
April takes her time to answer and, when she finally does, Sterling takes in an audibly large breath to begin her rant only to notice how disheveled and tired April looks.
Not just tired, April looks almost in pain. She looks dehydrated.
She looks hungover.
Sterling shifts gears.
“Did you get drunk last night?” She asks outright before taking in a slower, shakier breath. “Are you that afraid of us that you had to drink what happened off?”
This comes out quietly.
April looks like she wants to speak but instead sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, “Sterl, I-“
“You know what? I actually don’t think we need to talk.” And with that, Sterling is turning on her heels to head back to the car.
“I punched Chase...”
That stops her.
Sterling turns back around cautiously.
“Pardon?”
“I... punched Chase... he,” April groans and rolls her eyes at herself. “Can we not have this conversation in my doorway? Will you please come in?”
And Sterling is a little taken aback at the invitation, given so plainly, after having not been welcome near the house for years on end. She takes a deep breath in, glances quickly back at the Volt then nods.
The two settle into the kitchen, April taking in a glass of cold water as she sets up two cups of peppermint tea.
Sterling sits at the bench, hands awkwardly clasped in front of her, and watches April plunge the teabags up and down, trying not to be distracted by the way April’s fingers curl up and down in doing so.
April let’s out a breath neither knew she was holding and finally looks at Sterling again. “I punched Chase because, after you left, he was bragging about giving you those hickeys...” she let’s out plainly, though Sterling can tell she’s feeling embarrassed by the purse of her lips.
Sterling nods slowly and takes her tea from April. “He kept saying you were,” she clears her as if it will adjust her discomfort, “to quote, begging for it.” While her expression remains poised, April’s fist clenches on the bench top and only now does Sterling notice the redness of her knuckles.
“So, how did that result in you getting drunk enough to be this hungover today?”
“Right,” April nods, placing her tea down. “As it turns out, when you knock someone out at a party full of first-time-drunks, people cheer very loudly and want to do very large shots with you.”
“I see... so, you got drunk because you felt good?”
“I got drunk because I’d never been celebrated for acting so blatantly butch,” April corrects and Sterling’s eyebrows shoot up. She looks at the girl across from her and can’t resist the softening of her expression.
“Well, I think that’s nice,” Sterling quietly states, “that you felt celebrated, I mean.” April steels her expression, straightening her posture, and nods.
Still in some form of sync, the two finish their teas and migrate to the living room couch, sitting a respectable distance apart.
“April,” Sterling starts, finally breaking the silence, “I’m sorry but is this not what you wanted?” She looks at April, exasperated. “You were off the hook; no one would’ve suspected that we had anything to do with each other. Don’t you think punching a guy for just talking about me is a bit much?”
“He wasn’t ‘just talking about you’, Sterl,” April rebuts harshly, avoiding eye contact.
“Okay,” Sterling soothes, “but it would have been the perfect get out of jail free card.”
“Well, maybe...” April comes in quickly but immediately loses steam, backing off both vocally and physically.
Sterling leans forward in her spot to counteract April’s shrinking frame.
“Maybe?”
After a slow breath in, April quietly let’s out, “maybe some part of me wanted people to know I gave them to you... maybe there was a part of me too full of pride and... honestly probably some weird form of internalized misogyny, that wanted people to know... you were mine.” She chews her lip for a moment, unable to meet Sterling’s gaze.
“Maybe there was a part of me that was more jealous than scared. Maybe there was a part of me that cared more about you than me.” When she’s done verbally processing her thoughts, April finally look ups. Seemingly taken aback by Sterling’s piercing gaze, she immediately looks down again.
“Maybe.”
Sterling knows it’s dangerous but she gently shuffles herself closer to April before placing a hand on top of one of April’s, which are both gripping her knees tightly.
“Maybe,” Sterling starts, “you’re just young and in...fatuated and were on a bit of a high from... events. And maybe that’s all okay. And maybe, now that we’ve graduated, we could keep... exploring these feelings that are all covered by the ‘maybe’ umbrella. Maybe we could find some certainty somewhere.”
This gets April to look up.
“I’m not ready to come out-“
“I know,” Sterling assures quickly, “that’s fine. I... actually think the time to privately focus on you, on us, might be much better at this point.”
April looks like she might be fighting back tears, but Sterling doesn’t say anything, just caresses her thumb against April’s red knuckles.
“My parents are away for another two weeks,” April offers softly.
“Well, I’ve got nowhere to be for the next two weeks,” Sterling smiles. April looks apprehensive though, so she adds, “Blair’s waiting for me in the car but... why don’t I come back later on with some greasy food to cure this hangover properly,” she teases, poking April’s forehead. “We can take it easy, slow, and see what happens.”
“I think... I think that sounds like a plan.”
The two share a shy smile and suddenly Sterling is laughing. Her laughter grows and grows. April is taken aback, a self conscious frown forming on her face.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It’s just,” Sterling sputters through her laughter, “April, you were so mad and-and sexy last night! I mean, you practically ripped me off of Chase! You punched him!”
That cracks April’s expression, and soon she’s laughing too.
It’s comfortable and easy, and the two of them seem to reach an unspoken understanding that they don’t need to be scared of each other or themselves anymore.