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Aiba’s head dropped to the table sleepily, and he heard Sho chuckling.
“Why don’t you go back to your room, Aiba-chan?” he asked, his voice low.
Aiba waved a hand dismissively, even as he was feeling his eyelids close against his will. “Don’t wanna,” he said, but it was slurred, and Sho laughed again at that, this time louder.
Aiba nested his face in the center of his crossed arms on the coffee table in front of him, mumbling incoherently. He felt the last of his beer making his head light and sleepy, but he really didn’t want the night to end. It had been so long, he thought, since he got to do this with Sho, and he wasn't ready to give up being alone with his favorite person in the world because his body insisted on sleeping. With Aiba’s shifts at the pet shop being all over the place and with Sho’s tendency to work overtime more days than not, it had become increasingly difficult to meet with him, and Aiba wanted to take advantage of every bit of waking time to be with his best friend.
Suddenly, he felt a small pressure on his arm that wasn’t there before. It took him a second for his foggy brain to realize that Sho was touching him, barely resting his fingertips on the top of Aiba’s forearm, gently trying to get him to get up.
“Come on, let’s get you into bed,” Sho whispered, speaking in that soft and caring tone that always made Aiba want to crawl in his lap and purr like a cat.
Aiba’s head came up tentatively, peeking at Sho from his position between his arms, ready to go back into hiding if needed. “Yours?”
Sho smiled and shook his head like he always did when his friend was being unreasonable, but he didn't say no. Aiba knew he could never say no. Instead, he got up first, and the pressure of his fingertips turned into a grab as he pulled the taller man to his feet.
Aiba let himself be guided by Sho with his eyes still closed, body leaning into his friend’s for support so as to not fall. He didn’t know if Sho was bringing him to his room or the one Aiba was currently occupying in Sho’s apartment for a week starting that night, but he hoped that clinging to him would discourage his friend and temporary roommate from leaving him alone that night.
Sho’s tolerance to alcohol had always been the highest between his friends, so he was used to carrying them when they’re drunk. Aiba was not drunk—he was almost there, but he was not, or at least not really,—but his head had been buzzing insistently for the past half hour, trying to lull him into sleep despite his best efforts to stay awake.
They stumbled into the next room like in a three-legged race, Sho cursing slightly when he hit his elbow against the doorframe. Aiba’s lips curved up at that, because hearing Sho—prim, proper, perfect Sho—cursing was always a funny image in his brain.
“Sit here,” the older man said, carefully maneuvering him onto the soft mattress in front of them. “Come on, Aiba,” he incited him. “Yes, like that, let me take off your pants.”
Aiba knew he shouldn’t laugh, but even if he’d turned thirty a little over five months ago, his mind was still that of a fifteen years-old boy. “At least buy me dinner first.”
Sho huffed. “Ha-ha, very funny,” he said while he unbuttoned his friend’s jeans and pulled them down to make him sleep more comfortably. “You are staying at my place for free, though. Does that count?”
Aiba fell back into the bed as he felt his pants disappear from his legs. He mumbled a reply under his breath, but he wasn’t even sure that what he said were actual words. The next thing he remembered was Sho pulling the covers over the both of them as he made himself comfortable next to him, the puffs of breath coming from his lips ghosting over his own.
***
The next day, Aiba woke up with a jolt. Next to him, Sho’s sleeping figure pointedly ignored the ringtone filling the room, pulling the covers over his head to block out the sound.
“You’re not gonna take that?” Aiba asked, yawning.
The mound under the blankets that was Sho grumbled.
“Sorry, I didn’t catch that?”
The mound sighed exaggeratedly. “Too early. Day off. Turn off.”
Head still hurting from the hangover, Aiba crawled on his knees over the coverlet, bending down to recover the cellphone from Sho’s pants haphazardly thrown on the floor.
“It’s Jun-kun,” he said, turning the volume off with a sigh of relief, “are you sure you don’t want to pick it up?”
Somewhere under the covers, Sho groaned. “Tell him to fuck off.”
Aiba chuckled and picked up the call. “Good morning, Jun-kun.”
“Aiba?” the voice on the other end said. “Why are you answering Sho-san’s phone?”
Aiba crawled back to his warm spot under the covers again. The air around him was chilly, and he didn’t want to leave the bed yet, especially since Sho was still there. “Sho-chan asked me to tell you to call later.”
“That’s not true,” Sho’s voice interjected, “I said to fuck off and let me sleep.” Then, finally emerging from the covers, “Let me talk to him.”
Aiba placed the phone on the pillow next to him and laid back down. “You’re on speakers, Jun-kun.”
“Would you stop calling me so early?” Sho said, with a frown on his forehead as deep as the Grand Canyon.
“It’s nine in the morning, Sho-san,” Jun deadpanned. “It’s hardly ‘early’.”
Sho sighed. “Whatever,” he said. “What do you want?”
“You really are a peach when you wake up, you know?”
“Are you the pot calling the kettle black?” Sho countered, and on the other side of the line, Jun scoffed. Aiba was sure that if he were standing in front of him, their younger friend would have flipped Sho off at that. Rightfully so, maybe. “So?”
Jun clicked his tongue for a second before replying. “I’m just calling to tell you that I’ve emailed you the corrections you asked for, so you can check them before you send in your article due the day after tomorrow.”
Sho cursed under his breath, and Aiba shouldn’t have found it cute, but somehow he did. Seeing Sho in a bad mood just made him want to make him happy so he could see him smile again.
“Thanks,” Sho was saying.
“You’re welcome, jerk,” Jun said, before hanging up.
Sho sighed, eyes still close, and hummed tiredly. Aiba was laying on his side, looking at him being illuminated by the sunrays sneaking inside the room from the slightly parted curtains, feeling his heart beat contentedly.
Among his close group of friends, Sho was the one he’d known the longest, and his best friend. They met when they were children, when Aiba moved to Tokyo from Chiba and ended up in the same neighborhood as his. Sho was always kind to Aiba, even when the other kids didn’t talk to him because he was new, and slowly but surely they’d become inseparable.
After so many years of knowing each other, it surely wasn’t the first time Aiba woke up with Sho next to him; nor was it the first time that he felt nervous at the thought, because every fiber of his body was telling him to kiss him. Usually, Aiba was able to fight off these dangerous thoughts with not much effort. But, maybe due to the fact that it had been really too long since he was this close to Sho, there was something different about today as he scooted over to him to look for his touch, to feel his warmth.
His right hand moved first, almost without him realizing. Soon, it was brushing Sho’s left arm under the covers, hovering for just a second before grabbing him gently to pull him closer. Sho opened his eyes slightly, a bit confused, but not thrown off. He actually moved closer to Aiba himself, until they were almost chest to chest, and Aiba could move his hand to touch Sho’s back comfortably.
Sho was looking at him curiously now, and Aiba wondered what kind of expression he was seeing on his face. In truth, Aiba didn’t know himself what was happening. He had cuddled with Sho many times before—that was nothing new for them; but this time it felt different, somehow more intimate. He couldn’t stop looking into Sho’s eyes, hoping he wouldn’t spot the longing he was sure was in them.
However, his friend never said anything. Time passed as they just looked at each other, and if Aiba thought it would get weird after a while, he was surprised to realize that it didn’t. He didn’t know if it was because he’d known Sho for so long, or if it was the fact that they were completely comfortable around each other, but it felt so natural for him to just stare at him in silence like that.
Aiba’s hand on Sho’s back walked up to his shoulder, feeling the muscles under his shirt relax. Sho sighed contentedly, figuring that Aiba was just being his usual affectionate self, and smiled, closing his eyes again and nestling his head in his chest.
Aiba actually stopped breathing when he felt Sho’s hair tickle his chin. His friend scooted even closer, throwing his left hand over his waist as he made himself comfortable in his new position.
“Masaki,” he said after a while, unaware of the effect that he had on Aiba every time he called him by his first name, “your heart is beating like crazy.”
Aiba bit his lower lip and closed his eyes for a second. His right hand moved again, quicker this time, and pulled Sho away from him. He immediately regretted having done that when he felt the warmth of his friend’s body leaving him.
Sho looked at him with a frown. “What’s wrong?”
“Sho-chan…” Aiba whispered, touching his cheek with his fingertips.
Sho’s hand was still on Aiba’s waist when the younger man pulled him to make their lips meet. It was a gentle kiss, like something Aiba had never experienced before. If his heart was beating hard before, it was threatening to explode now. Sho’s lips were just as soft and warm as he had always imagined them to be, and they fit over his perfectly, like they were meant to be together.
Aiba pushed closer to Sho, making their bodies touch once again. He felt Sho’s hand over his waist clench over his shirt reflectively, and that made him want to deepen their kiss. He licked at his friend’s lips tentatively, feeling light-headed at the contact between their bodies, finding himself wanting more.
All of sudden, Sho’s hand came to rest on his chest, pushing on it. It was a soft push, but it was all Aiba needed to come to his senses and pull away. His friend was looking at him with wide eyes, agitation written into his face.
“What was that?” he said when he recovered his voice.
Aiba, who had started panicking as soon as he saw Sho’s horrified expression, didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know why he did that, why today of all days, after years of being able to control himself around the person he’d been in love with since he was a teenager.
“I—I’m sorry,” he croaked, trying to think fast. “I think I’m still a bit drunk or something.”
Sho didn’t say anything at first. He just kept on watching Aiba like he was seeing him for the first time, like he was finally realizing why his friend kissed him. Then, as if just noticing they were still too close than it was acceptable, he moved away, trying to put some distance in between them.
Aiba’s heart broke at that sight. In his mind, all he could hear was his own brain telling him that he had fucked everything up, and that now he had lost Sho forever. “I’m sorry,” he said, trying to sound cheerful. “I think I really drank too much last night, huh, Sho-chan?”
“Aiba—”
He got up, scrambling to get his pants from the floor. “I’ll go take a shower, okay?” he said, running out to get to his room.
Once inside, he closed the door behind him and leaned on it, heaving a sigh. He let himself slide to the floor, where he sat, taking his head into his hands.
“What the fuck have I done…”
***
Breakfast was laid on the table when Aiba came out of his room. Sho was sitting down, waiting for him while he was trying not to freak out over what had happened not some thirty minutes ago in his room. Not that he was having a lot of success with that.
Aiba walked to the table carefully, a towel hanging around his neck with which he would pat his hair dry from time to time. He sat down, trying not to look at Sho; which was all well and good, but unnecessary, since Sho wasn’t looking at him either, afraid to make eye contact.
They started eating breakfast silently for the first time in over the twenty years they’d known each other. Usually, Aiba would be a firecracker at breakfast, laughing and talking loudly, something that Sho, who was not a morning person at all, hated. But in the end Aiba would say something funny, or do something funny, or simply push food into his friend’s mouth, and Sho would have to laugh and admit defeat.
Mornings were usually easier when Aiba was around, but not today. Today the air between them was just tense and uncomfortable, and Sho would have given anything for it not to be that way.
“Uhm…”
Sho looked up with a jolt at that sound coming from the other man, finding Aiba looking at him. Realizing that, he tried to look away, but he realized that he couldn’t. It seemed like Aiba’s eyes were drawing him in, and he couldn’t help but stare, just like he did when they were lying in bed together earlier. “Yes?” he said, tentatively.
“The omelette is good.” It was almost a whisper, so unlike Aiba, but it was a step in the right direction, Sho thought.
“Thank you,” he said. “Satoshi-kun taught me how to make it.”
“Did you add milk to it?”
Sho nodded. “To make it fluffier. The way you like it.”
Aiba smiled at that. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Sho said, feeling shy all of a sudden.
“About before…” his friend looked at him gingerly, “Please forget that ever happened, okay?”
Sho felt like the wind had just been knocked out of him for some reason. “Yeah,” he said, nonchalantly. “Yeah, sure. You just drank too much last night. Right?”
Aiba laughed, visibly relieved. “Yes. It’s just that,” he confirmed.
The silence fell between them again, but it was less uncomfortable now. Sho could actually feel Aiba try to sneak a glance of him from time to time while they were eating now. Sho did the same, feeling compelled to look for Aiba’s eyes for some reason, not able to leave his sight even when they finished breakfast and he walked back into his room.
Sho stared at the door of Aiba’s bedroom, waiting for him to appear again. He felt uneasy, and he didn’t know why, but he knew it wasn’t because of the kiss they’d shared. Something about the way they’d left things had left him with a bittersweet twinge in his chest that was raising questions in his mind that he didn’t want to answer to.
“My shift is about to start,” Aiba said, coming out of his room. “And I’m going to Nino’s right after. He’s showing me a new game he bought, so I might not be home until later tonight. Just thought I’d let you know.”
Sho, who was still sitting at the table, got up and busied himself with the rest of the dishes left. “Sure,” he said. “You have your keys, so…”
“I do.” Aiba said, showing him the pair Sho had given him years ago for emergency. “See you later, Sho-chan,” he said, running to the door.
“Yeah,” Sho said as he heard the door closing behind his friend. “See you later.”
The doorbell rang twice in a row, signalling to Sho that his friend had arrived. He opened the door to a sleepy looking man with plastic bags in his hands filled with what Sho knew was beer and the ingredients to make curry, and he stepped aside right away to let him in.
“You’re early, niisan,” Sho said, lining up a pair of slippers for his friend. “I wasn’t expecting you for at least another hour.”
Ohno just hummed and simply said, “You sounded worried on the phone.”
Sho took the bags from his hands and led the way to the kitchen. “I wasn’t worried, I was just—” he placed the bags on the counter and looked at Ohno. “Alright I am worried,” he admitted.
“Grab the beer.” His friend waved his hand to make him follow to the living room, where he plopped down on the couch and took the beer Sho was offering him. “Tell me everything.”
Sho sighed and sat down on the armchair. “You know that Aiba is staying here this week while his apartment is being fumigated, right? Well, we were drinking last night, and you know how Aiba gets when he’s drunk, so we ended up sleeping in my bed together. We just slept,” he added quickly at his friend’s raised eyebrow, “nothing else. But then this morning he just kisses me out of the blue.”
Ohno took a swig of his beer. “He just wakes up and kisses you? Nothing else?”
Sho thumbed the label of his bottle nervously. “Well, we were just hugging. But that’s not weird,” he said, defensively. “That’s just how it’s always been with us, you know.”
“I do know,” Ohno said.
“What does that mean?”
“It means,” he said, “that you are a very touchy person, Sho-kun, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you touch anyone else the amount that you touch Aiba.”
Sho seemed taken aback at that comment. “It’s just because he’s my best friend.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything,” Ohno said calmly. “But what is it that you want from me?”
Sho leaned forward. “I just need some advice, niisan,” he said. “Things are awkward now, and I don’t want them to be.”
Ohno stared at him for a moment. “What did he say? When you told him that you didn’t like him.”
Sho was caught off guard for a second. “I didn’t say that. He just said he was still drunk when he kissed me, so I thought he was still hungover and was just embarrassed.”
“I see.”
“What?”
“So you don’t think he likes you?” Ohno asked.
Sho blinked in confusion. “He’s my best friend.”
Ohno moved closer to him. “Just because you’re best friends,” he said, patting his leg, “it doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings for one another.”
Sho was speechless for a few seconds. “No, it can’t be,” he said after a while. “He would have told me.”
“Sho-kun,” Ohno said, “would you have told him?”
Sho thought about it. If he had any romantic feelings for Aiba, would he confess to him? Would he risk ruining his life-long friendship for something like that? Would he risk losing Aiba forever just because he’d fallen in love with him?
“No,” he found himself saying automatically. “No, I would never tell him. I would never risk losing him.”
His friend stayed silent for a while, studying Sho’s face with interest. “Sometimes,” he said eventually, “to find what we’re looking for we must lose it first, Sho-kun.”
And with that, he got back to his beer, leaving Sho to reflect on those words on his own.
***
“You did what?”
Nino, who had been leaning on the couch lazily since Aiba had come, sat up straight with renewed interest.
“I kissed him,” Aiba repeated, feeling his face become warmer.
“And why would you do that?” Nino asked. “Wait, no, I know why you would do that, but why would you do that?”
“I don’t know what got into me,” Aiba sighed, burying his face in his hands.
“I know what didn’t get into you,” Nino muttered. “Hey!” he exclaimed, dodging a pillow that was tossed to his face.
“Come on, Nino, be serious,” Aiba begged him. “What if Sho-chan doesn’t want to see me again because he thinks I’m in love with him?”
“Well, you are in love with him, though. It’s the truth,” Nino added, lifting his palms defensively when Aiba looked at him threateningly. “I’ve known you for what? Since we were fourteen give or take, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you try to attract the attention of anyone else like you do with Sho-chan.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m in love with him,” Aiba said, irritated at the implication.
“Then why did you kiss him?”
“Who kissed who?”
Aiba jumped hearing that voice come from behind him. “Jun-kun! You scared me.”
Jun, who had just come in and was still wearing his jacket, gave him an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Aiba-kun. I’m back.” He took off his jacket and placed it on the hanger in the hallway. “So? Who kissed who?”
“Nobody” Aiba said, at the same time as Nino said, “He kissed Sho-chan.”
“Nino!”
“What?” his friend said, shrugging. “He's my bother half. I have no secrets from him.”
“It’s better half,” Jun corrected him.
“Is it, though?” Nino said under his breath, loud enough for his boyfriend to hear.
Jun ignored that comment and sat next to him on the couch, where Nino promptly put his legs over his lap. “So, what happened?” he asked.
Aiba explained the details to Jun, who looked at him pensively the whole time.
“And now things are awkward between us,” Aiba concluded with a sigh.
His friend didn’t say anything at first. He thoroughly cleaned his glasses on his shirt as he hummed, while Aiba was nervously glancing at him hoping for some advice.
“Why don’t you come stay with us for a while?” Jun said after a while.
Aiba looked between him and Nino. “With you?”
Jun nodded. “Yeah, this is a pull-up couch, so you can stay here this week. It will give you the chance to let the air between you clear till you’re back to your own apartment. Right, Nino?”
“J is right,” he backed him up, albeit a little unconvinced.
“You should go get your stuff and tell Sho-san you’re going to stay here instead.”
Aiba remained in silence, pondering about it. He had been looking forward to staying with Sho, but after that morning, he wasn’t sure he could even be in the same room with him without feeling anxious. If leaving his best friend some space was the only way for things to get back to normal, then that’s what he would do.
“Alright. Thanks, guys.”
The keys jingled in his hands as he took them out of his pocket. He stuck them in the keyhole and turned them slowly, pushing the door open to the familiar place that was Sho’s apartment.
The smell of curry hit him as soon as he stepped in the genkan.
‘Oh-chan must have come by,’ he thought. It made sense. Apart from Aiba, Ohno was Sho’s oldest friend, and he always turned to him for advice. He wondered what the two of them had said about him while he was away; if Sho had decided that he didn’t want to be his friend anymore after all…
“You’re back.”
Sho’s silhouette appeared in the hallway, and Aiba could almost see the electricity in the air. The tension was palpable, as if, now that Aiba had crossed that line in their friendship, there was something else there pushing to come out. As if, now that Aiba had kissed Sho, he couldn’t stand the thought of not being able to do it again.
“I’m back,” Aiba said.
He bent down, lining his shoes with Sho’s. His friend’s room had always been very messy, but he was very particular about the rest of the house looking as perfect and respectable as he always did.
“Satoshi-kun came by,” Sho said, moving his weight from one foot to the other nervously. “We made curry—Well, he made curry. But I helped,” he added. “So, uhm. Do you want some?”
Aiba got back up and smiled at him. “Smells delicious, but I can’t. I just came by to pick up my stuff.”
Sho remained speechless for a moment, as if the words were not registering right in his brain. “What do you mean?”
Aiba stepped inside, not really able to look Sho in the eyes. “I think… I think I’m going to stay with Nino and Jun for a while.”
Sho pursed his lips. “Aiba-chan,” he said in a soft tone, “is this because of what happened this morning?”
“That was a mistake,” Aiba said quickly.
Sho took a step forward instinctively when he heard that, his arms already reaching out to him. He stopped himself short of a few steps and dropped his hands to his side, looking hesitant. “It was?”
Aiba forced himself to smile. “Of course, Sho-chan. You’re my best friend, I was drunk. It was stupid,” he said with a fake laugh. “Look, I’m just going to give you some space for now. It will be easier for me to get to work too, because it’s closer to Nino and Jun’s apartment.”
Sho didn’t say anything. He nodded silently, looking at his feet.
Aiba didn’t wait for him to speak and rushed to his bedroom. The suitcase he had brought for his week at Sho’s was still unpacked. He hadn’t even slept in that bed one night, and he was already saying goodbye to it.
He grabbed his things quickly, wanting to run away from that apartment as soon as he could. Now that he had seen Sho again, he found himself wanting to get close to him, to touch him again. He couldn’t let his feelings get in the way of their friendship. Not again, not anymore.
Sho was still standing in the hallway when he appeared, pulling his carry-on with him. He looked up when Aiba passed him by, eyes filled with something he couldn’t really understand. Then, Sho’s hand brushed his back, and Aiba felt his breath hitch.
“You’ll call, right?”
Sho’s fingertips were light on his shoulder, and Aiba fought against himself not to lean into the touch. Sho had always been very touchy with him, and Aiba feared that he was addicted to the feeling of his hands everywhere on his body every time they were standing close.
“Yeah,” he said, his voice raspy all of a sudden.
He pulled away with difficulty, letting Sho’s hand fall back and away from him. He didn’t look back as he put his shoes on and opened the door.
“Goodnight, Sho-chan,” he said, feeling his heart breaking without even knowing why.
***
In all the years they’d been friends, they’d never been apart that long.
When they were kids, they would meet up to play or study together even though they were not in the same class. And more often than not, their day would end with one of them sleeping over at the other’s house.
When they’d grown up, and they’d gone to different universities, they would text everyday. Even when Sho left for a year in the US when they were in their early twenties, they would make time to hear from each other daily.
Now that they were working adults, and the time to see each other was less and less, they would still hear from each other at least every night. Aiba would send Sho pictures of himself with the animals in the pet shop, telling him in short and frequent messages what had happened that day, while Sho would send long and detailed walls of text explaining what his day at the office entailed. Sometimes, when their lunch breaks coincided, they would call each other to catch up. Jun, who was working with Sho at the same company, would often complain in the background that he felt left out. Sometimes, Sho would let him join in in their chat by putting Aiba on speakers, but he always made sure to get his phone back to say bye on his own.
Aiba loved his job at the pet shop, and he adored all of his friends, but talking with Sho was always and without fail the highlight of his day. He knew that he relied on his best friend a lot in his everyday life, but he never realized how much he would miss talking to him until now.
It had been three days since he’d last seen Sho that night when he left to stay at his friends’, and they hadn’t spoken even once during that time.
He stared at the chat he shared with Sho with sad eyes, hoping to see a text bubble form, but nothing ever happened. He wanted to hear from Sho, he really wanted to. He had even started writing in that very same chat the previous day, when Jun had stopped him.
“Give him time,” he had said. “Wait for him to talk to you first.”
Aiba sighed, closing his eyes and dropping the phone on the couch next to him. He knew Jun was probably right, but what if Sho never tried to contact him again? What if Sho was waiting for him, Aiba, to make the first step?
“Twenty-five.”
Aiba opened his eyes again. Nino, who was sitting down on the rug with a controller in his hands, cheered as he hit a new high score. “Huh?”
“Twenty-five,” Nino repeated, finally pausing his game and turning toward his friend. “The number of times you’ve sighed today. And that was only while I was around, I can’t imagine what it must have been during your eight hour shift at work.”
Aiba crossed his arms defensively, but didn’t say anything.
It was Nino who broke the silence again, “If you wanna call him, why don’t you?”
Aiba squinted his eyes at him and shook his head. “Jun said not to.”
“And we are listening to J why?”
Aiba rolled his eyes. “Because he said that Sho-chan needs time to forget what happened.”
Nino shook his head and got up. “Scoot,” he said, pushing Aiba away and sitting close to him despite there being space on the couch to sit more comfortably. “Look, I love Jun with all my heart and all my other bits, but he’s bad at giving this kind of advice,” he said. “Trust him with buying a house? Sure. Trust him with planning a trip? He’s your man. But trust him with giving you love advice?” he lifted his eyebrows. “If it weren’t for me making the first move, we wouldn’t be here, sitting on the couch he picked for our lovely home.”
“To be fair,” Aiba said, “you weren’t that easy to read. You would tease him all the time.”
“Exactly, I would tease him all the time,” Nino repeated, as if that explained everything. “Look,” he added when he saw Aiba’s confused expression, “everyone expresses love in a different way. I like to bully my friends and my potential partners into loving me,” he said, shrugging. “You like to make people laugh, even if it makes you look like an idiot. You do,” he said when he Aiba tried to protest. “And Sho likes to touch the people he loves. Seriously, it’s so easy to understand when someone pisses him off because he actually dodges them.”
Aiba sighed. “What’s your point?”
“Twenty-six. My point,” Nino said, “is that Sho loves you. Does he love you as a friend or as something more? That I don’t know. But what I do know is that he’s probably sulking around, waiting for you to go back to him again after you rejected him.”
Aiba frowned. “When have I ever rejected him?”
Nino started counting on his hand. “First you kiss him and then you tell him it was a mistake; then you move out of his apartment; and then you don’t even contact him when you said you would.” He looked at him pointedly. “You see how it would look for him?”
Aiba didn’t know what to reply. He never thought what it would look like to Sho to have him constantly blow him off after the kiss. Even though Aiba was the one who kissed him, he never really explained anything to Sho because he was afraid to lose him if he had. But he now realized that the fear of losing him was so strong that he was pushing him away anyway.
“What should I do, Nino?” he said, feeling anxious all of a sudden.
“Admit to yourself you’re in love with him,” his friend said. “And then go tell him.”
Aiba looked away, and his eyes fell to the phone next to him. He picked it up and unlocked it, staring at Sho’s chat.
Still no new messages.
***
“Good job today!”
Sho looked up distractedly and bowed. “Ah, good job to you too, Haru-kun.”
“Aniki!” Ueda, his kouhai called out to him as he walked to his desk. “We’re going to get some drinks, do you want to come?” he said, pointing to the group of laughing men and women gathering together.
“Uh, no thank you, Ueda-kun,” he said. “I have an article to finish when I get home. Maybe next time.”
Ueda looked a bit let down at that, but he didn’t push it. “Of course. Do you need help? I can do some research for you.”
“I’m going to help him, Ueda-kun,” Jun’s voice interjected coldly. “See you tomorrow.”
Ueda looked at Sho one last time before he bowed. “See you tomorrow. Good job!”
Sho waved him goodbye and watched him join the group waiting by the elevators. “You didn’t need to be rude to him,” he said with a chuckle.
Jun clicked his tongue. “He gets on my nerves. He’s all like ‘Aniki! Aniki!’ Like an excitable puppy.”
“I like him,” Sho said defensively.
“Of course you would,” Jun said. “Excitable puppies are definitely your type.”
“What does that even mean?”
Jun crossed his arms and glared at him. “Cut the crap, Sakurai. You’ve been sulking for three days now, and frankly, seeing your face look like your dog just died every time I have to bring something to you makes me want to punch you in the face.”
“Wow, Matsumoto, tell me what you really think,” Sho muttered.
“So?” Jun said, lifting one eyebrow.
“So?” Sho repeated, looking confused.
“Aiba.”
Sho looked away and cleared his voice. “What about Aiba?”
“You like him,” Jun said, matter-of-factly.
“Of course I do,” Sho said calmly. “He’s my best friend, I love the guy.”
Jun rolled his eyes and looked up, muttering what Sho was almost sure were curses under his breath. “Why don’t you try telling him that?” his friend said, slowly.
“Because he might misunderstand.”
“How could he misunderstand if you tell him that you just love him as a friend?” Jun asked. “You do just love him as a friend, right?”
“Yes,” Sho said quickly. Then, “No… I don’t know.” He sat down to his desk and took his head in his hands. “I’m so confused. I don’t know anything anymore.”
Jun pulled a chair next to him and sat down. “Listen,” he started, “do you remember when Nino would try to make his affection for me known by teasing and pranking me every day?”
Sho chuckled despite himself. “I remember you coming to work with purple hair once, yes.”
Jun clicked his tongue. “I made him pay for that real good, that brat. But that’s not the point. The point is that it was obvious to everyone else that he liked me but me, right?”
“Right.”
“And that I didn’t believe you when you told me that he was just trying to get my attention, right?”
“Yeah,” Sho said. “But what has that got to do with anything?”
Jun looked at him softly for the first time that night. “You two talk every day. You even talk during your lunch breaks. Do you know who else does that?”
Sho shook his head.
“I do. With Nino. Like every other couple I know.”
“I don’t—”
“You’ve talked every day since you were teenagers,” Jun said. “But have you talked to him lately?”
Sho pursed his lips. “I haven’t.”
“And do you miss him?”
Sho nodded. “So damn much.”
“Well then,” Jun said, getting up. “There’s your answer.”
Jun pushed the door to his apartment open, letting Sho go in first. He felt his heart beat a thousand miles per hour as he stepped inside his friends’ apartment and walked into the living room.
“Welcome back, babe,” Nino said, before realizing he wasn’t talking to Jun. “Sho-chan?”
“Hey, Nino,” Sho greeted him shyly. “Where’s Aiba-kun?”
Jun got inside too, pressing a kiss on Nino’s lips lazily. “You just missed him,” the smaller man replied. “He went to find you at your apartment.”
“I told him not to go,” Jun said, clicking his tongue.
“Well, I told him to go,” Nino retorted.
Jun rolled his eyes. “Well, he doesn’t know you’re here,” he said to Sho, “so I suggest you go to him.”
Sho nodded once and headed toward the door. He bent down to put on his shoes, and turned around. “Thank you,” he said to his friends before he went out.
Sho all but ran the blocks separating his friends’ apartment from his. While he was going back to Jun’s apartment with him, he had prepared a whole speech in his mind, and was now repeating the main points to himself. He would tell Aiba that he didn’t want their kiss to be a mistake in their relationship, but the start of something new. That he wanted to go wherever Aiba was willing to go with this. He wouldn’t back down, he wouldn’t push him. He wanted Aiba to be the one person he would wake up to in the morning, and the one he would go to sleep with. He wanted to cuddle with him, and he wanted to do more than just that. He wanted to hold him, wanted to be held by him. He wanted to touch him, unrestrained, anywhere that he could. He wanted to make him laugh, he wanted to make him feel loved, he wanted to make him scream his name as they found bliss together. And if Aiba still thought it was a mistake, if he didn’t want any of that, Sho would take anything he would want to give, because he didn’t think he could live without him.
He was about two minutes away from his apartment when he suddenly heard his phone ring. He pulled it from his jacket, stopping for a second to catch his breath, and his heart did a backflip in his chest when he saw the name on his screen.
“Aiba?” he said breathlessly when he picked up.
“Sho-chan, I know Jun-kun said I couldn’t call you, but I need to talk to you.” Aiba’s voice came out of the receiver agitated. “I need to explain everything, Sho-chan, but I don’t know if I can. I don’t even know myself why I kissed you that day of all days, why now after all these years—”
“Aiba-chan, wait, I’m—”
“—I know that I messed everything up, that I messed us up. But I miss you, Sho-chan. I have never missed you so much as I did these past few days, and I don’t want us to stop being friends—”
“Aiba, can you just—”
“I love you, Sho-chan. And I know you probably don’t love me in the same way, but that’s okay. I can learn how to stop loving you, I promise that I can! I’ll cheer you on when you go on dates and everything too.”
Sho climbed the last step to his apartment, and saw Aiba standing outside his door with his phone in his hand. He started walking toward him, his phone still stuck to his ear, waiting for Aiba to notice him.
“You just need to forgive me. Just say you forgive me and we can be best friends again, please. I swear I’ll move on from you. But please don’t stop being my friend over this.”
“Masaki.”
Aiba looked up with wide eyes. “Sho-chan,” he said, still talking into the phone. He dropped his hand suddenly then, and Sho closed the call. “Sho-chan, can we be friends again, please?”
Sho shook his head. “I can’t be your friend anymore.”
Aiba’s shoulders dropped as he looked at Sho with sadness in his eyes. “I—I understand.”
Sho shook his head again. “No, you don’t,” he said, looking at him softly. He stepped in front of him and took the phone from his hand to put it back into his coat’s pocket. “But it’s okay, because it seems like I didn’t understand either until today. Or maybe I didn’t want to.”
Sho leaned in to catch Aiba’s lips, and heard him gasp. Aiba’s lips tasted like cherry chapstick, and Sho decided then that that was his new favorite flavor from now on. He pushed up against the taller man, sliding his arms under his coat and around his waist, deepening their kiss at the same time. Aiba’s tongue met him halfway, immediately attacking him with all the energy Sho was expecting from him. His arms came to rest around his neck, pushing on it as he kissed him back eagerly, making Sho’s stomach fill with butterflies. He felt the adrenaline pump through his veins as he ran his hands up Aiba’s back and felt the warm skin through his shirt. He stumbled back as Aiba pushed him against the door, taking complete control of the kiss, and Sho happily let him. He melted under Aiba’s caresses, feeling his fingers slide into his hair slowly as they kissed.
Aiba pulled away first, and Sho’s knees almost gave out as he let himself slide down a bit against the door. He breathed heavily, looking at Aiba’s disheveled hair and his red mouth and wanting for nothing more than to kiss him again. He straightened himself up and grabbed the lapels of his coat to pull him in when his friend stopped him.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Aiba said, sounding confused. “So you like me too?”
Sho chuckled at that. “What do you think?”
Aiba’s eyes grew the size of the moon. “You do?”
“It just took me a while to realize,” he said, taking one of his hands and intertwining their fingers.
“And I didn’t even have to turn your hair purple,” Aiba commented.
Sho laughed again, pulling him in, successfully this time. He looked up at Aiba and smiled. “Would you really have moved on?”
“Ah well.” Aiba shrugged. “I lied,” he said candidly.
Sho pushed him away jokingly. Aiba chuckled a bit, going back into his embrace immediately.
“Are you nervous?”
“Yeah,” Aiba admitted. “You?”
Sho nodded. “I had a whole speech planned out, but now I don’t even know where to go from here.”
Aiba shook his head. “Let’s not think about that for now. No plans. Just you and me,” he said. “Let’s just start with a kiss, and then we’ll see,” he said with the brightest smile Sho had ever seen.
“Yeah,” Sho said, smiling back. “Let’s start with a kiss.”
Their lips met halfway to share a chaste kiss, not unlike the first one they shared in Sho’s bed that fatidic morning. They pulled away with crinkles around their eyes, heart bursting with happiness. Sho turned around to open the door, stumbling inside with Aiba’s hand in his as he giggled in his ear.
They would have dinner, then drink together, like they always would; but this time, Sho would be holding Aiba’s hand throughout the whole thing, stealing a kiss from time to time, if he was lucky. And then who knows where the night would take them. They had so many years to catch up on, and the rest of their life to make up for it.