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Got ashes on my pants, my favourite ones but I don't care no more
If you're not here with me, my favourite one, I might as well just go
Bright clutched the soft fabric in his hands tightly. It wasn't anyone's fault, no. Despite this, he can't help but tremble as a wave of remorse washes over him. He pressed his eyes shut and fought back the tears.
Every nook and cranny of this place, every hue that encircles the wall, and even the scent that his nose recognizes serves as a reminder. Reminder of the sweet taste of the past, and the bitter smell of the present.
The now.
I'll leave it in your room my favourite clothes and you can wear them out, if you want
“Bright.”
But just in case you miss the way I smell, it'll just be there
He fought the urge to let out a bitter chuckle. Bright.
He didn’t know hearing his own name from the man’s delicate lips could feel like a literal punch in his gut. It sounded so...plain now. Unadorned.
“I have to go.”
Cause I can't make you stay if you wanna go
“Win,” he breathes. “How.. how did we end up like this? Why?”
With cold eyes, Win stared at him. “We both know why.” and if he managed to hide his soul within his eyes, he failed miserably at concealing them through his voice.
With a shake of his head, Bright expressed his frustration with the situation.
No, he didn’t. “I don’t..” want you to leave. He wanted to say, but stopped. “I don’t know,” he muttered instead, standing from his crouched position earlier.
He locked his gaze on him.
The burning force that managed to melt his walls like ice, including his heart; is now the raging fire that consumes his entire soul. Like a wildfire, it spread along his throat down to his toes. It burns, yet the itched to ignite it is there. He can feel the biting taste of ashes through his mouth. I love you, bite his tongue.
“I’m sorry,” he looked up at the ceiling as though that could prevent his tears from falling. “I tried my best.. I gave my best.” he leveled down his head to meet his brown orbs, “Guess it isn’t enough, huh?”
His husband responded with silence. They just stared at each other with eyes both mirroring the same emotion they can’t let out.
Years earlier, if anyone told him his beautiful family would split up, he would laugh and say it was impossible.
It turns out that nothing is really impossible.
And he is now standing face to face with his husband, grieving not only for their love that has passed away; but also for their son.
Dome was adopted after they had been married for five years. A precious child that they call their own. Dome proves to be the sunshine in their relationship, allowing it to flourish and bloom even more. Their little family is living blissfully, to say the least. Five year old Dome would be left with Bright everytime Win needs to show his presence in their family company, and vice versa. Win and their son would be together when Bright has to finish some work at the firm where he is working.
They’re happy and content.
But fate has its own ways of brutality.
“Dad I want those balloons, please..” Dome stated, pulling Bright’s pants to grab his attention.
“Balloons?”
His son nodded, pointing his tiny finger on the vendor located across the road. “There, there! See, see?”
He chuckled as he ruffled his hair, “Okay, we’ll get you later. Let me answer this important call, yeah?”
“Okay..” he says and pouts. “It’s Dome time today though, you shouldn’t be working.”
“I know baby,” he sighs. “Dad is sorry, just one phone call?”
“Just one?”
“Just one.”
“Okay, I’ll wait here because I am a good boy.”
Bright can help but to press a soft kiss on his son’s head. “The goodest boy.”
All happened at a breakneck pace.
Too fast that Bright can’t even wrap his head on what is happening.
All he knows is, he can hear some shouts and his heart is beating erratically, it's hard for him to breathe.
Because there in the middle of the road; lies their little sunshine.
Small, frail body surrounded by a rogue sticky liquid.
They say the ruthless part of death is not about that it can take away lives, but that it can make the people left behind stop living. Maybe that’s what the husbands did. It's been three months since their little angel became one with heaven but the memory, the ache, the blame--it’s still there. It’s still with them.
“No, Bright,” Win kills the silence. “ I’m sorry,” his voice cracks, “B-Because I.. I can’t. I can’t stay with you,” he sniffs, as he places his right fist on his chest. “I know there is no one to blame, but I.. I can’t help but loathe you, Bright.”
“Every fucking time I look at you, I see him. Everytime our eyes meet; all I can see is my son’s eyes as he looks at me on his deathbed."
But I will wait for you to say "Come home"
“Bright, let’s end this.”
Now might not just be the time for us
And for the last time, he gathered the courage to speak the words he wanted to say. “Metawin, I love you. ”
But know that what we have will always last
“I wish you all the happiness in life, my love. You deserve it all. I’m sorry. I am deeply sorry for the pain I inflicted on you, my son, our family, ” he let out an ugly sobbed as he kneeled in front of his husband, his other half.
I fear the day might come that I will see you with another man
As much as it hurts me in the feels, I hope he holds your hand
“One day..” he raised his head, looking up at him. “One day I hope you’ll heal from this.. And find the peace you truly deserved. Baby, be free for me.”
I pray to God that you live happily, appreciate yourself
Who knows maybe one day we'll be a family
“I will, Bright.” Win whispered faintly against his ear as he hugged him. “You’ll always be in my heart, I love you.”
Time is my friend until this life ends
They lock gazes for seconds... minutes... Until Win decided to break free from the embrace, and possibly from his life. He watched Win gather his already packed belongings and as he headed to the door.
There's nothing that it cannot mend
Everyday I wonder if you ever miss my love
Without turning his head Bright heard him say, “I’ll miss you.”
Cause I can't make you stay if you wanna go
But I will wait for you to say "Come home"
Now might not just be the time for us
But know that what we have will always last