Work Text:
There's something really beautiful about being in love.
Being with partners that love you, cherish you. Like home. Comfortable. Happiness.
Spending cozy winters wrapped in their embrace. Sipping hot chocolate.
Little kisses before you leave for the day. More when you come back.
Someone like cotton candies and spicy jelly. Someone you look forward to meeting in your life.
Your soulmate.
Changbin loves love. Just like his parents. They have matching tattoos under their collar bones. First meeting at 24. A hurried passenger and the flight attendant. 5 minutes of delay and they wouldn't have met that particular day.
Sometimes he wonders what would have happened had his father missed his flight?
You will meet your soulmate. One way or the other. At any point of time. Regardless of your age or theirs.
Which is true.
He has many instances scribbled in his diary and then on Google docs. Some published. Others in the buffer.
Changbin has been a columnist at 'Rendezvous' e-magazine's 'Soulmates Weekly' section for three years now. He covers pieces on the first meets, their signs, hopes for the futures, messages or anything his interviewees have to convey.
Different scenarios.
Some meet early. Best friends since childhood. Changing hair colors.
Others meet later in their life. Just after retirement. On a vacation. Black and white.
Some speak the language of flowers. Assigned lilies and poppies.
Others speak for the first time after they meet their soulmates.
Some have none.
Some have many soulmates.
Soulmates are not confined to one thing. It may differ from person to person. However, it is totally possible to have one type of soulmate indication in multiple people. For example, it could be soulmate marks for many. But, the type of mark will be distinct and special to the soulmates only.
Changbin loves these interviews. Speaking to the ones who have had their soulmates reciprocate their love, affection. Attention.
Because his own soulmate doesn't acknowledge him at all.
Changbin is 27 and he wishes things were a little different than now.
That he could experience the things he writes about. Has witnessed growing up. Unadulterated love. Happiness.
Someone who would let him lean on them - both literally and figuratively.
Because Seungmin is anything but open to him.
His flat mate. His soulmate.
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"Leave the coffee on the table. I will pick up later."
"It will get cold…"
"It's fine. I don't mind. Thank you, Changbin."
"Hmmm…"
A few words in a week. This is how they work, Seungmin and him.
It's not that Seungmin is rude. Or irresponsible. He has been civil with Changbin for the entirety of three years they have lived together. He had been new to Seoul and the broker arranged this two-bedroom apartment for him. It was a good deal and he obviously went ahead with it.
And he got a nice roommate. A postgraduate student. Clean, introverted but nice to him.
It's only a few days later that he realized that Seungmin was his soulmate.
Voices. They could hear each other's voices in their head when dealing with strong emotions. When in proximity to each other.
Not loud. Just whispers. Feelings.
Seungmin had been crying. Low sobs but vivid in Changbin's mind.
Confusion. Unhappiness. Hatred.
Why did you leave? I waited for you for so long?
It had surprised Changbin the first time. A new thing. His indication was strong but totally different from others stories and experiences.
He had never imagined that he would meet his soulmate exactly the same year of his life as his parents did.
At 24.
While the indications might differ, there's one thing that will remain constant. Your soulmate would be the same age as you.
Changbin had half a mind to approach Seungmin, console him at that time. But it was not suitable. Invasive even. Especially when Seungmin had no idea Changbin could hear his thoughts.
Still, he tried bringing it up during breakfast the next day.
"Seungmin….I think we are soulmates."
"I don't believe in it. Sorry."
Changbin is optimistic. He tries to see good in everything. He believes in waiting for the good.
It's been 3 years and Changbin is still waiting for Seungmin to accept him.
At least acknowledge Changbin's existence as his soulmate.
But with every month, he is losing hope.
At first, it was just Seungmin soundproofing his room. His first year as an Assistant Teacher. Changbin's emotions affected his studies, he had supplied. And Changbin had accepted that. Maybe it was that simple. Isolation for preparing materials.
Then Seungmin got himself a girlfriend.
It broke his heart. Changbin remembers crying to sleep every night. Soundproofing did help mute their love nights. But it did not do anything to soothe the pain Changbin felt to see them being close and smiling at each other in the kitchen. Maybe he wasn't good enough for Seungmin.
Two months later, they broke up. And Seungmin got another partner to love.
Three years and the pain has numbed. He has gotten used to the constant to and fro of people coming inside the house and into Seungmin's heart.
Maybe one day it will be him in Seungmin's heart.
A low hope. But still there.
Because Seungmin did not leave the apartment yet. Changbin had a compulsion due to the low rent and his salary. But Seungmin is earning way better than him.
Or maybe he likes this place.
Maybe Changbin's optimism is going to kill him one day.
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"He just kept looking at me. I thought he was crazy hahaha. I was seconds away from calling the cops."
"I can't help, I could see the colors thing going on in your eyes. Why couldn't you see anything?"
"You were wearing glasses, duh."
"It's been years, please. I don't remember much."
"Yeah yeah."
Changbin smiles. They are a cute couple. Mid thirties and full of stories. They did not get along at first. Hated each other's guts even. But fate made them cross paths again and again.
Maybe it's fate.
Maybe there are soulmates who meet and don't click immediately. But they come back to each other.
Or the others who leave their soulmates for good for multiple reasons. It's a gray world.
There's a possibility for soulmates to have partners other than their soulmates. It's not common, but not discouraged either. Because love is love. While being with your soulmate further intensifies the love, gives you more strength and stability, choose a partner that makes you happy. Remember, it's an option, not a compulsion.
Changbin is going to go by his own advice.
He is holding himself for something that might not see the light of the day. Maybe he is forcing his happiness on someone who is hardly a friend to him.
Changbin deserves the love. He is going to try.
Me : Hey Jisung
Me : Can you fix the blind date you were talking about? For me?
Jisung : sureee
Jisung : fantastic!!
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Chan is nice. Very caring. Understanding.
He is a veterinarian. Changbin loves visiting his clinic to meet his patients. He likes holding Chan's hand. Stealing kisses when no one is around.
Changbin loves being in love.
It's been six month since their blind date. Three since they started dating.
They usually meet at Chan's cosy place in downtown Seoul. Full of lights. Cats. Haikyuu and Kikki. Sweet Prussian cats. Chan's babies.
He has a little corner of his own in Chan's apartment. A place where he completes most of his articles. Place where he holds Chan while he tries to nap. Blankets, a cookie box. Little home. Sanctuary.
Changbin should feel bad about leaving Seungmin alone at his own apartment. But there are no pieces left to join. He still makes sure to do all the assigned chores and come back to sleep every now and then.
He is running away.
An escape.
Seungmin has met Chan. Once. It was when his boyfriend was dropping him home after their date. Seungmin wasn't supposed to be home.
And Changbin wasn't supposed to hear Seungmin's heart drop. That pain. The regret.
Running was the best way.
Especially when Changbin now knows how Seungmin feels. And Changbin is anything but cruel.
Revival.
Lost chances.
Regrets.
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"I'm sorry…"
"No, no. I understand."
"I don't know what to say…."
"Haha...you don't have to, Chan. I know. I have a soulmate too. I know how it feels."
"You have? I thought they were dead."
"Oh, God. No no. They are alive and….yeah. But, yes, your happiness is more important. Hope Felix makes you happy."
"He does. Oh my God. I know we aren't together anymore but it still feels I'm betraying you."
"You are overthinking, Channie. I am your friend, aren't I? Listen to your friend and get your happiness. Yeah?"
"Okay...Thank you."
"Come here, you idiot."
Changbin is not lying. He is happy. So happy that his friend, or ex boyfriend, got to find his own soulmate. Changbin knew the initials. It has been carved on Chan's hip - F.L.Y. At first, he had thought it was his own tattoo. But it was Felix Lee Yongbok. And they match. Really match.
Chan is warm in his arms.
He is really glad they decided to remain friends after their breakup. Jisung also knows Chan well. His two worlds coming together.
The most difficult part was to go back to his own apartment knowing Seungmin will know what happened. And he did not want to hope.
He desperately wants to run away. Believe what he heard was a lie. Afterall, Seungmin was nothing but repulsed by knowing who he was soulmates with.
Then how can he have feelings for Changbin?
It doesn't make any sense.
10 days and he will leave the apartment and Seungmin's life.
He deserves more than this.
A love that is crossed by fate.
A love that is delayed by chances.
Having soulmates is a lie which Changbin could live without. He did well with Chan, he is going to do well with someone else too. Or alone.
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"Hey, Changbin."
"Yeah?"
"You got mail. Someone dropped by the office reception. Pretty unconventional though. Who drops tips using envelopes?"
"Ah. Maybe they want to be anonymous?"
"It's electronic age, Bin."
"Shut up, Han."
"You wound me."
Jisung is dramatic. But that's what having a co-worker as a best friend means.
"Anyway, bye! Gotta deliver papers to Choi. He is on my head since morning."
"Cool, bye."
Jisung leaves with a quick salute. Changbin can't help but smile at his friend. He might be whiny and loud but he is always there for Changbin. Always. A home away from home.
Envelopes are indeed unconventional and new to him. He mostly gets tips on email, even though their website has an official address mentioned in case anyone wants to send out a mail.
It intrigues him.
Who goes by this way?
Maybe someone older? Who is really not into technology?
The envelope is plain with their address scribbled in the middle. Neat penmanship.
His name is in all capitals. Emphasis.
Changbin uses a ruler to tear the envelope off. Careful. To make sure the person did not accidentally glue the letter with the envelope. He used to make that mistake when young.
The paper inside is plain too. Like an official letter.
Beautiful writing though.
Hi,
This might be a bit awkward. I have never sent a tip before. Anyway, I am writing to talk about my soulmate story.
I am a 27 year old man who met his soulmate at 17. Pretty young, right? I recently learned that while it is not common, it isn't exactly unheard of. We were high school friends.
But it was only later that we realized that we were soulmates too. Our indication wasn't that open or physical, you see. We used to have similar dreams. A camping trip together and we had our realization phase.
They were everything to me. A happy couple. The university was jealous of us. Everyone wanted what we had.
I pray no one has the same fate as us.
She was 21. Too young to go. But I lost her. And I lost my belief in soulmates. Or love.
It is difficult. Knowing someone lost their life because they were connected to you. That they misinterpreted their dreams coming alive. Them running to save you when you were okay. Them losing their lives when it was supposed to be you.
I lived in guilt. For years.
And even now I'm guilty.
Because fate gave me another soulmate. I did not know this was possible. I was scared of the outcomes. Of history repeating itself. So I pushed them. I pushed them so far.
We live together but I try to stay away. I have built barriers so high even I cannot bring it down.
You only realize what you are missing when they go away. And I do. It's funny right?
I was supposed to be heartless. Then how did I fall for you Changbin?
I hear you hoping so much. The reds. The warmth. Happiness. The love. And I wonder do I even deserve your patience?
I'm cruel to even hope for it. A second chance.
But I don't want to run anymore.
I'm at home. Still there. Hoping you would not leave me.
I wish to see the reds too, Changbin.
I want to be in love again.
I like you,
S
Tears. There are so many things Changbin never expected to do. Crying at his workplace is one of them.
He knows Seungmin likes him. He has felt that deep in his heart.
Then why is he questioning himself?
A second chance.
Maybe they need it.
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5 minutes.
Changbin should have taken the metro. But he never expected traffic jams.
Seungmin might have already left for his 5 PM tuition classes. It's weird how he remembers his schedule by heart. Seungmin loves kids. He has a lot of home tuitions placed after school. He enjoys spending time with little kids.
Of course, it wasn't Seungmin telling him all this. But the immense happiness he had felt when that little girl and father dropped by to arrange for her English lessons told an entire story.
Seungmin had a lot of layers. Harsh, coarse, but super soft at times.
Maybe Changbin will get his time to explore them one by one.
His own chance to love and get loved in return.
1 minute.
Finally.
Seungmin is locking the door when he reaches their floor.
Just in time.
He seems started but they need not say a word.
There's no soundproof walls to block their feelings anymore.
Love.
Fear.
Doubts.
Hope.
Now that he knows his feelings are reciprocated, Changbin doesn't want to miss a second.
He jumps into Seungmin's ready arms.
Happiness conveyed in kisses.
Warmth.
Love.
"I'm glad to be back!"
"Welcome home."
Soulmates - your soulmate can be anyone, anywhere. They could go, they could come back. But love stays. Give yourself a chance, whatever the situation may be. You are worth it.