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The end of the year was always one of the most hectic periods for Arashi and this year it was even more tiring and emotionally exhausting for Aiba. Every day they were shooting segments for various variety shows one after the other, and the most frequent question was about their plans with the coming hiatus… Since Aiba would have rather not thought about parting with the other members of Arashi, he did his best to focus strictly on the work before him. On things that he could actually control. Like planning the special episode of Doubutsuen…
Aiba and Sho had just finished the shooting at Miyakojima and they were heading back to the hotel where they were supposed to spend the night before heading back to Tokyo with the first flight in the morning.
“Hey, Sho-chan! Let’s have a beer before calling it a night!” Aiba proposed with a grin on his face, tired but still buzzing with excitement after a whole day of successful work that might change the life of many. Both pets and people.
“Sure, why not,” Sho agreed with a smile of his own.
After a quick stop at the nearest konbini, they settled down in Aiba’s room. Sho raised his beer can in a toast for the successful work that day before talking a large gulp. Aiba followed his example.
Deep in his heart he was cherishing this time he could spend with Sho alone. He couldn’t remember when he started falling for Sho anymore. With Sho being who he was – hard-working yet stubborn, serious and smart but so oblivious at times – it just happened. Like something inevitable. But exactly because it was Sho, Aiba long resigned himself to the fact that it was impossible to have the other man look at him that way, so these feelings of his would always remain one-sided.
‘Even a blind man can see you’re crushing on Sho-chan,’ Nino said to him once. But it only proved that Sho either was worse than a blind man or he was ignoring Aiba’s feelings on purpose. Neither option was favorable in Aiba’s eyes, so instead of approaching Sho with his feelings, he tried to take advantage of every minute he could spend in his company as a friend.
And Aiba did just that now as well. He watched Sho’s lips as he talked and drank, drank and talked, while it was getting later and later until Aiba long lost count of how much they drank already. But they sure finished the beers they bought and they finished a lot from the hotel's minibar as well. What Aiba did notice though, was that at some point Sho’s rambling returned to today’s shooting, and he started gushing about him again.
“Aiba-kun, you were really amazing today! I mean… I knew it, of course, but seeing it up close… it’s just… amazing! You’re amazing!”
“Sho-chan!” Aiba protested, whining embarrassed yet insanely happy to hear Sho say those things. Even if it was only the alcohol talking… Aiba shook his head, chuckling. “You can stop exaggerating, there’re no cameras here. I did nothing special…”
Aiba didn’t mean it to happen, really.
To be honest, later on he couldn’t clearly remember how it happened.
He just jostled Sho’s shoulder a little, to which Sho pushed back, and then the next thing he realized was that both of them tumbled off the couch. He landed on his back, which was probably more painful than his brain registered because it was too busy shutting down as soon as he realized that Sho landed right on top of him. Their bodies pressing close. Their lips only inches apart. Sho’s hot breath fanning his skin…
Aiba had no idea who moved first but, the next thing he knew, Sho’s lips were on his, devouring him hungrily. Hands brushing over his body, tugging on his shirt hurriedly, impatiently…
The next day Aiba woke up with a major hangover, his body sore, his skin feeling sticky and Sho clinging to his waist in his sleep. Memories of the previous night slowly and hazily trickled back to him.
“Oh…” he mumbled, trying to figure out how to handle the situation. Though his memories were kind of fuzzy, it wasn’t hard to put the picture together. Before he could decide what to do, he realized that what actually woke him up was the insistent beeping sound of his alarm.
Sho groaned behind him, his grip tightening on Aiba’s waist.
“Too loud… Make it stop…” he mumbled into Aiba’s nape, sending a shiver down his spine.
“Can’t do that if you won’t let me go…”
Sho groaned again but let him go.
Feeling weirdly self-conscious about his lack of clothing, Aiba tugged one of the sheets around his body and went to search for his phone to stop the alarm. It really was getting unbearably loud.
When he returned to the bed a few moments later, he noticed that Sho seemingly didn’t move an inch but completely fell back asleep.
“Sho-chan…? Sho-chan! Wake up, we have to check out soon and head to the airport! We have rehearsal once we get back, we can’t be late. Jun will be angry!” Aiba said, trying to shake Sho awake.
“Huh?... Aiba?... Wha… what are you… doing in my room?”
“Actually… this is my room…”
Sho looked around confused, trying to get his brain to work. Or to wake up at least...
“Then… why am I naked?... Don’t tell me…?” Sho’s eyes widened with horror. He stared at Aiba for a moment before he scrambled off the bed, backing away from Aiba hurriedly as if he expected an attack from him.
Seeing Sho’s reaction, Aiba tried to swallow back the lump that quickly formed in his throat. Of course, he didn’t expect this to be more than an accidental one-night stand, but he expected Sho to at least be more mature about the situation. He did not force himself on Sho, after all! Well… he was fairly sure everything was consensual… as much as it was possible in their alcohol-induced condition…
“Look, Sho-chan, don’t freak out, okay? We were both drunk and I guess it just happened so…” Aiba couldn’t believe he was actually saying this, but anything would be better than Sho looking at him like that. “Let’s just forget about it, okay? We’re both adults, right? We can… pretend this never happened and… move on, okay?” As the words left his mouth, Aiba knew already that it wouldn’t be easy, at least for him, but for Sho he was willing to put this episode on the shelf of ‘things that happened but we’ll never-ever talk about.’
Sho kept staring at him for a few moments that felt like eons for Aiba. The tension never left the older man’s body, but in the end he nodded slowly.
“Okay. Yeah, you’re right. Nothing happened… It was a mistake…” Sho said through gritted teeth, before he gathered his clothes that had been thrown all around the room.
“Sho-chan!” Aiba suddenly called after him when he was about to leave. Seeing Sho wanting to escape from the room, from his company, that much, somehow filled Aiba with dread. Sho stopped with his hand on the doorknob but didn’t look back at him. “We’re fine, right?” Aiba asked, his voice wavering.
“Yeah, we’re fine,” Sho said stiffly. But he sounded nothing like fine, and he left without looking back…
Despite his words, Sho refused to talk or even to look at Aiba for the rest of the day unless it was absolutely necessary and work-related. Aiba tried to pretend that he didn’t notice and it didn’t hurt, but he doubted he was doing a good job with it.
The next day Sho sent him a text to apologize; blaming his behavior on his hangover and the lack of sleep…
They both thought that was the end of this embarrassing episode and were determined to never ever talk about it again, to act as if it never happened. But, of course, they should have known better…
“So, care to tell me what’s up with you two?”
It started out as a friendly dinner between Aiba, Sho and Nino to catch up now that they had not seen much of each other for weeks. But after a few beers, it turned into an interrogation from Nino.
“Huh?” Aiba stared at him with wide eyes, while Sho simply choked on his beer and was too busy coughing to say anything at first.
“What are you talking about, Nino?” Sho croaked out when he finally caught his breath.
“Oh, come on! Even an idiot can see that something happened. You act all weird around each other and both of you are so bad at acting that it’s starting to show even through the TV!” Nino said, staring at his friends. “So spill it!”
“What are you talking about, Nino-chan? We're fine, there's nothing going on, really!” Aiba protested with a forced laughter after stealing a quick glance at Sho and already spotting the signs of panic there. But Aiba was never good at deterring Nino and soon his laughter died on his lips. Since Sho still said nothing, Aiba gave in reluctantly. “Okay. Fine… We had a fight, kind of…" Sho nodded slowly as if to confirm Aiba’s words. “But it’s okay now, really!”
“Like hell it’s okay!” Nino snapped at them. “Even Oh-chan noticed. Oh-chan! And all he sees of you is on the TV screen! So if you don’t get it fixed, I will!”
Sho snorted into his beer at that.
“How will you decide whether it is fixed or not when you obviously won’t take our word in this matter?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. His voice was unusually cold, which made Aiba shrink back a little, hoping to be left out of this argument that he saw coming for sure.
Nino smirked back at him as if he was waiting for this question.
“You’re right, Sho-chan. I can’t take your word in this matter ’cause you would obviously say anything to get me off your backs, so the only thing left for me to do is to fix it…”
“And this here is your idea of fixing us?” Sho kept arguing with Nino.
“You can say that…” Nino said, his grin widening. “Say, Sho-chan… aren't you taking on various challenges recently?” He asked changing the subject suddenly.
“I don’t see how that has anything to do with the problem at hand…” Sho said, starting to dread how this conversation was developing.
“Take it as a challenge if you like, but you’re moving in with Aiba-shi until the situation is fixed!” He ordered smugly, raising his hand to show the keys dangling from his index finger.
“Oi! When did you…?” Sho cried out, trying to grab the keys when he recognized them as his, but Nino’s nimble fingers made them disappear in a moment. “Give them back!”
“No,” Nino said with finality before he grabbed his coat, obviously getting ready to leave. “But if you won’t do privately, it’s not below me to go to you producers with the idea. I’m sure they’ll love it. Your choice, Sho-chan…”
Hearing this, Sho was too shocked to move but Aiba shot up from his seat and rushed after Nino.
“Wait! Nino!” he hissed, grabbing his arm to stop him, and pulled him to a somewhat secluded corner near the restaurant’s entrance. “What are you doing? Stealing Sho-chan’s keys…?”
“I’m doing this for you, Aiba-shi,” Nino said, looking at him seriously. Aiba just stared back at him confused. “Look, you’ve been pining after Sho for years, yet you never made a move. If you live together you can either bag him or finally get over him. So trust me, this is gonna work. I’ve never let you down, now, have I?” Nino said confidently. Hearing no more protest from Aiba, Nino patted him on the shoulder and walked away.
Despite Nino’s words, Aiba wasn’t convinced that this plan could work at all but he’d known his friend long enough to know that nothing he could say would change his mind at this point. Feeling half anxious, half excited, he walked back to Sho.
“Sorry, Sho-chan, I couldn’t catch Nino. He can be really fast when he wants to, can’t he?” he said, covering up his lie with a forced laugh. “Anyway… you can stay at my place tonight, and tomorrow we can get Nino to change his mind, okay?”
Sho, though he didn’t seem to be too happy about this solution, nodded. Aiba, on the other hand, couldn’t suppress the happiness the bubbled up in his chest…
“So… Does anyone have a spare key to your place?” Aiba asked the next morning while they had breakfast. “You know… just in case Nino is being… well, you know Nino too… Stubborn…” Aiba tried to say nothing offensive about Nino’s current behavior considering he was doing this for Aiba’s sake but it wasn’t easy.
Sho frowned at the question.
“My mom… But I’d rather not go there…” He shuddered at the thought, knowing his mom would want to know why Sho suddenly needed his key back. Lying to her was pretty much impossible, but telling the truth was also out of the question. He would never live that down…
“You know…” Aiba started shyly, keeping his eyes strictly on his breakfast. “You can totally stay over here for a few weeks…” he said, trying to sound nonchalant. “I can offer the couch only but if it’s fine with you, I don’t mind. Really… It would be like a sleepover…” he said chuckling a little. “I’m sure Nino will get bored with this idea soon and he’ll give you your keys back. Also, we’re at work most of the time anyway, right? So does it really matter where you sleep?”
Sho stared at Aiba for a long time, like he couldn’t believe that Aiba was actually considering this as if it wasn’t a big deal at all! But taking all his options into account, this really seemed to be the least painful one, probably. He wasn’t too keen on the idea of having to beg Nino or to explain himself to his mom. He just had to make sure to keep his distance from Aiba. And to remember not to get drunk while he was staying there… They didn’t want a repeat performance of… But then again, that never happened, right?
“Fine… Okay, let’s do this…” he said rather reluctantly. “I can’t believe I’m actually agreeing to this… That brat! It’s all his fault…” Sho grumbled under his breath while he stuffed the last bits of breakfast in his mouth.
Aiba was still giggling at Sho's pouting when the doorbell rang. He went to check it, curious who could it be so early on a Saturday morning.
“Sho-chan! This is for you!” he yelled a moment later.
Sho went to the door confused.
“Sakurai Sho-san? This is to be paid upon arrival,” the delivery man said politely, indicating to the large box at his feet while handing over the invoice to Sho. Still confused and even more annoyed, Sho paid up. Then, after the delivery man left, they dragged the box to the living room. As it turned out, the box was filled with Sho’s clothes, laptop, phone charger and a bunch of other stuff of his. A note on top of everything:
‘Have fun. Nino’
“That brat…”
Aiba giggled furiously behind his back…
Sharing a room with Sho for a few nights on a tour or a location shoot was completely different than living together for an undetermined period – depending on Nino’s mood. Especially since they’d stopped making them share rooms years ago.
As it turned out, Aiba was not prepared for this at all.
Because living together with Sho in reality was nothing like what Aiba imagined it to be, which he did a lot if he wanted to be honest. The difference was not only because he usually imagined them living together as a couple…
People always said Aiba was the loud one in Arashi. Which was true most of the time; he never denied it. But Sho was loud too. Like very loud! Not just the snoring that Aiba could hear even behind the closed door of his bedroom. Whenever they were both at home, Aiba noticed that Sho was either on the phone or had video calls; about work or just catching up with the thousands of friends he had; having remote drinking parties with the ones who were too far at the moment to meet up in person.
Aiba also knew that Sho was someone who stayed up late at night. Either for one of those remote drinking sessions, or to work, write rap lyrics...
Aiba also learned that Sho never really grew out of his messy lifestyle, no matter what he said on TV. Even being a guest at Aiba’s place couldn’t stop him from leaving clothes, newspapers, used coffee cups, all around the apartment.
Aiba knew all these things about Sho, of course, he really did. They were together in Arashi for more than twenty years after all! But knowing was one thing. Witnessing it first-hand and living with it was something else, and he needed time to wrap his head around this…
Considering their busy schedules, – even without their group commitments as Arashi, – just as Aiba predicted, they barely saw each other during the first weeks. They were mostly passing each other in the morning or the evening; fighting over the bathroom or the last drops of coffee in the morning before heading out in a hurry.
“What are you doing, Sho-chan?” Aiba asked.
For the first time, they had the same night off since this strange co-habiting arrangement started. Sho was sitting on the couch, scrolling something on his phone with a frown on his face.
“Trying to decide from where to order for dinner but I know none of these places in your neighborhood. How about this one? You know it?” he asked, showing the screen to Aiba.
Aiba peeked at the screen curiously.
“Uh… You don’t want that. Their soba is soggy, like… uhh… Really, it’s disgusting. Believe me, you don’t want it!” he said, shivering as he remembered the one time he ordered from that place and received a bowl of a sorry excuse for soba.
Sho groaned and resumed his scrolling with a pout on his face when his stomach grumbled loudly. A faint blush spread on his cheeks and he let out a nervous chuckle.
“Sorry. Had to skip lunch today for a meeting...” he said as an excuse.
“You know…” Aiba started uncertainly, trying to push away his shy feelings. “I can cook something for dinner,” he suggested. Despite living in the same apartment, they didn’t really do anything together. Meals included.
Sho looked up at him, eyes hopeful and happy as always when it was about food. But then he quickly looked away, shaking his head.
“You don’t have to feed me, Aiba-kun. Just because Nino forced me onto you, I don’t want to bother you more than necessary,” he declined.
Aiba huffed, annoyed at this answer.
“Just to be clear, I’m not offering to cook for you three times a day while you’re here. But when I have the time to cook, whether it’s for one or two, it’s not much difference,” he said. “If that makes you feel better, you can do the grocery shopping next week,” he added before turning on his heels, heading to the kitchen. “I’m making omurice, by the way!”
Later, while they were sitting at the kitchen table, eating omurice, Sho was looking all kind of delighted, stuffing his face until his cheeks bulged. Aiba couldn’t help but smile softly at the sight. He had to admit that there was a slight difference when you were cooking for someone else. Especially if that someone enjoyed eating as much as Sho did. Part of him wished that everything would be as easy as making Sho happy with food.
“This was really good, Aiba-kun!” Sho praised him, his hand covering his mouth which was still half-full with the last bite.
“Don’t speak with your mouth full!” Aiba said, reprimanding him, but it only made Sho laugh and almost choke. Aiba just pushed his glass towards him and kept frowning. “Are you done?” he asked, then grabbed both their plates before Sho could even reply and stepped to the sink to clean up.
“Ah, yeah, thanks for the food, Aiba-kun,” Sho said sincerely, though a bit surprised by Aiba suddenly jumping from the table. After a few moments, he left the kitchen.
Aiba just hummed something non-committal which was mostly muffled by the running water. He tried to focus on the task at hand, instead of how much it hurt that even after twenty years, Sho kept calling him ‘Aiba-kun’, like they were nothing more than bare acquaintances… It felt weird that he didn’t seem to mind Aiba calling him ‘Sho-chan’ all the time but made sure to keep Aiba at a certain distance… He sighed deeply, feeling sad all of a sudden. Maybe he should just stop pushing for something impossible to happen. No matter what Nino said, living together changed nothing.
Deciding that it was better to just head to bed early, he quickly finished the dishes and headed for his bedroom.
“Hey!” Sho called after him as Aiba passed the living room. He was sitting on the couch, fiddling with the remote, looking strangely nervous. “There’s this movie I wanted to watch for a while… Wanna join me? I mean… if you have nothing else to do…”
Aiba looked at Sho and blinked once slowly. Then once more. ‘It’s not… Is he…? He’s not asking you out!’ Aiba yelled at himself mentally to break the strange spell that Sho’s words seemed to have cast upon him and before his imagination could ran away with him. ‘It’s completely normal for friends to watch a movie together. It’s not a date so don’t get any weird ideas!’ he insisted in his head, trying to make himself to act normal.
Sho blinked back at him as if he was shocked by his own words.
“O… okay…” Aiba said finally, sitting down at the other end of the couch.
Sho flashed him a quick smile and fumbled with the remote for a few moments before starting the movie.
The awkward atmosphere slowly disappeared as the movie progressed, and after a while Sho scooted closed to Aiba, whispering various fun facts in his ear about the movie, the director and the cast members every now and then. It made Aiba relax more and even laugh a bit, though most of the stuff that Sho found so fascinating about this movie wasn’t fun at all but plain boring in Aiba’s view.
If later that night Aiba went to bed with a smile on his face, no one was there to question him about it…
After the ‘not-date’ night, their dynamics shifted slightly and sometimes it made really hard for Aiba to remind himself of reality and keep his hopes in check. Because from then on there were more shared dinners, at least a few times every week, and when their schedule allowed, more shared movies. Sho took Aiba’s words about him paying for groceries to heart, but insisted on going together, saying that since Aiba was the one actually cooking, he knew what they needed better, which made his presence imperative – Sho’s words, not Aiba’s! The whole thing was so domestic, almost intimate that it made Aiba’s heart clench painfully, but at the same time he couldn’t help himself wanting to indulge every minute of this illusion, knowing it was only a matter of time until Sho’s persistent calls and texts would wear down Nino’s patience and he’d give in and allow Sho to return his own home…
Aiba pouted at the clock on the wall one last time before he decided it was pointless to wait any longer. Though Sho had said he’d be a bit late, he’d promised he’d be back on time for another dinner-and-movie session. ‘Still not a date!’ But it was getting late; long past the time they agreed on. It happened several times before that Sho was late but by now, it became obvious that their plans for today were cancelled. Especially since Aiba would have to leave at 5 AM the next morning for a location shoot.
His appetite gone, Aiba packed up the dinner he made, putting everything in the fridge, and decided it was time for him to go to sleep already.
He understood that Sho had probably been held up at work or something had come up last minute. In their line of work, it happened a lot. But in light of the recent changes between them, Aiba would’ve expected Sho to at least let him know if he had to cancel their plans. He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, hoping it would keep him from crying. He knew he should stop expecting anything from Sho. He didn’t owe Aiba anything. He knew it. They might be friends, colleagues, but only that; this living arrangement that gave Aiba all these weird ideas and hope was forced on them by Nino. It wasn’t Sho’s own choice. Aiba knew it all. He really did!
Maybe… maybe it was time for him to call Nino and make him end this façade, Aiba thought. The only thing he achieved with these past months was the strengthening of Aiba’s belief that pursuing anything with Sho was impossible, and all that waited for him at the end of this road was heartbreak…
He was on his way to his bedroom when the front door was finally opened by Sho.
“Oh, you’re still awake! I know I’m a bit late despite what we agreed on but we can still watch that movie, right?” He asked, smiling as if everything was alright. As if he didn’t make Aiba wait almost three hours! As if he didn’t just make it pointless for Aiba to go out of his way to prepare Sho’s favorite for dinner! As if…
Aiba counted back from ten in his head. He didn’t want to snap at Sho. He felt too tired to fight with him.
“I can’t. I have a location shoot for Doubutsuen tomorrow so I have to get up early. But you go ahead. Good night, Sho-chan,” he said avoiding Sho’s eyes, before he retreated to his room.
He didn’t see the smile disappear from Sho’s face, nor the disappointed look in his eyes that followed him until his bedroom door was closed…
Unsurprisingly, Aiba was exhausted by the time he arrived home after the Doubutsuen shooting the next day. His body was sore all over. The dog he worked with was especially scared of the shampooing and tried everything to escape from the moment Aiba put him in the sink. It took almost two hours just to wash him and by the time they were finished, Aiba’s clothes were drenched and his arms were completely covered in scratches. Aiba wished for nothing else but a proper bath and his bed.
“Tadaima…” he mumbled when he entered his apartment.
“Are you angry with me?”
Aiba jumped in surprise, stumbling back into the door behind him.
“Sho-chan…” he breathed out, shocked. “What are you doing here?”
Sho stood at the entrance as if he was waiting for Aiba. He was frowning, yet looked confused at the same time. Like he was anxious to hear Aiba’s answer. Like it bothered him that Aiba might reply with a ‘yes’. Aiba didn’t get it. Sho was never bothered with what Aiba might think or feel, wasn’t he?
“Are you angry with me?” Sho repeated insistently.
“What are you talking about?” Aiba asked back, too tired to play guessing.
“For yesterday. Are you angry with me?”
Aiba swallowed back the lump that started to form in his throat. Did Sho notice? Did he act weird last night? Aiba wasn’t sure. But he sure wasn’t prepared to have this conversation with Sho right now.
“Are you angry with me ’cause I didn’t tell you I’d be late? I’m sorry. Yesterday’s dinner… you worked a lot on it and I made your efforts go to waste. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… to blow you off… Things got messed up and we had to re-do the shoot yesterday. With everything going on, I forgot… I didn’t mean to…” Sho explained in a rushed manner, almost desperately.
“It’s fine, Sho-chan,” Aiba interrupted him. He didn’t want to hear any more. Sho never meant it, it was just the way he was. Aiba knew it but he was also tired of hearing this when nothing ever changed. “You had work, I understand. I’m not angry,” he said the words Sho wanted to hear, hoping to end this conversation as soon as possible.
As Aiba stepped past him, Sho grabbed his arm, pulling him back. Tired as he was, Aiba stumbled right into Sho’s arms.
“Even if you’re not angry… You’re hurt. I’ve hurt you…” It wasn’t a question what Sho whispered, his eyes clouded with regret.
‘Too close!’ Aiba’s mind screamed at him but he couldn’t find the strength to step away.
“I’m not…” he tried to deny it but the words got stuck in his throat when Sho raised his hand to cup his face.
“I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you… You have to believe me… I…”
The shrill, insistent ringing of the doorbell broke the strange spell that fell over them.
Aiba pushed Sho away rather forcefully and hurried to open the door.
Jun was the last person he expected to find there, especially since he looked quite annoyed. Almost angry.
“Matsujun, what are you…?” Aiba started but then he spotted Nino trying to hide behind Jun and the situation became a bit clearer in an instant.
“I can’t believe it!” Jun said instead of a greeting as he pushed his way in, kicking his shoes off. Nino was following him, obviously unhappy for having to be there. “Just how stupid the two of you are for letting this brat orchestrate this disaster waiting to happen?!”
Sho seemed to snap out of his shock faster than Aiba.
“It’s not like he gave us a choice or anything! He stole my keys!” Sho argued back. Despite the initial shock after seeing Jun barging in, he seemed more annoyed than anything, and he was not someone who was willing to take such a dressing-down silently. Especially when it wasn’t deserved one bit.
“So? He’s smaller than a shrimp, don’t tell me you can’t take your keys back from him?!” Jun huffed.
“Oh, so instead of sharing Aiba’s place for a while, you’d rather have me strangling Nino in a public bar for my keys? Sure, that would’ve been a spectacular sight…” Sho crossed his arms over his chest, looking at Jun as if he lost his mind.
“Of course not…” Jun admitted, reeling back a bit. “But obviously neither of you thought about what kind of media shit-storm it would be if the tabloids get a wind of this, now did you? The two of you living together… Did you think about how it could affect our come-back? It might even ruin everything!” Jun rubbed his forehead, already feeling the headache the said situation would surely bring. “Anyway, he’s here to return your keys, so pack up and I’ll drive you back. The sooner we terminate this extreme demonstration of stupidity, the better…”
Nino handed over the keys obediently. Sho and Aiba were both sure that he got his own scolding on the way here. Otherwise, he wouldn’t give up on his fun without a fight. Nino then retreated to Aiba’s side, next to the living room door, watching the whole scene silently, passively.
With Jun helping Sho to pack up, and with the obvious goal to move Sho out of Aiba’s place as quick as possible, they were on their way within half an hour.
The apartment was strangely silent when it was just Aiba and Nino left there.
“I’m sorry. We were together and he saw your message on my phone and… You know the rest…” Nino said as an explanation for the events that just occurred. It was unusual of him to offer an explanation on his own, which spoke a lot about how he felt about the situation.
Aiba just nodded silently. With everything that had happened since he arrived home, he completely forgot about the text he sent to Nino on his way home.
‘Let’s just end this. Give the keys back to Sho.’
“What happened?” Nino asked. “The last time we talked, it sounded like things were actually going good for the two of you…”
Aiba didn’t reply.
“Do you want me to… I don’t know…, talk to him?” Nino tried again, not used to Aiba being this silent.
“No. Go home, Nino-chan. You’ve done more than enough already…” he said uncharacteristically coldly before he left Nino to see himself out as he clearly overstayed his welcome.
Aiba never liked to fight with any of the members so a few days later he sent Nino a text to apologize, citing his exhaustion as an excuse for his behavior. Only after hitting the ‘send’ button did he realize that he practically used the same lame excuse that Sho gave him after that night. He couldn’t keep in the bitter laughter at the irony of the situation.
As much as he wanted to patch things up as soon as possible, he couldn’t bring himself to reach out to Sho. In his head, he kept repeating the scene that happened before Jun barged into his apartment. If he didn’t know better, he’d swear that Sho looked like he was gonna kiss him… But Sho would never do that. Not with Aiba. He made that crystal clear after that night…
Then, what was going on?! What was that all about? Ambushing him right at the entrance, nagging him with all those questions. Just what was going on in Sho’s head?! Sho wasn’t drunk that night, Aiba was quite sure of that, but he sure acted like he was.
All the thinking about these questions earned Aiba nothing but a long chain of sleepless nights where he laid in bed, stared at the ceiling, weighting the pros and cons of confronting Sho about his weird behavior. But in the end, when he almost convinced himself to talk to Sho, he always got scared of actually hearing the answer to those questions, and like all those years until now, he ended up doing nothing…
It was another night of fitful sleeping, endless hours of tossing and turning, when Aiba heard the thumping noise. At first he was sure he’d just imagined it. Or that it was the neighbors. But after a while he realized that someone was banging on his door.
“What the…” he mumbled as he shuffled to the door. Peeking through the peep hole, the last thing he expected to see was Sho slouching on the doorframe, hand raised to resume banging on the door.
Aiba hurriedly opened the door before Sho could make even more noise, waking the entire neighborhood and causing trouble with his neighbors.
“Sho-chan! What are you doing here?!” Aiba asked once he closed the door. The dark circles under Sho’s eyes screamed lack of sleep and they instantly made Aiba worry.
Sho stumbled a little as Aiba dragged him in, but once he found his footing, he looked at the younger man with such intensity that made Aiba’s breath hitch in his throat.
“Sho-chan?”
“I had to see you”
“What?”
“We have unfinished business…”
“What?” Aiba asked again, not being able to follow what Sho was talking about. “No, we don’t… Are you drunk, Sho-chan?” Aiba asked, frowning suspiciously.
“Wha…? No! I mean… I was out drinking with Ryuu-chan and Bukki but I’m not drunk! I know what I’m talking about!” Sho insisted.
“Well, at least that makes one of us, ’cause I sure can’t follow you at all. Why are you here, Sho-chan?”
“I had to see you,” Sho repeated insistently. “’Cause the other day I couldn't say what I had to tell you. I love you, Masaki, and not seeing you at all these past weeks was driving me crazy!”
Aiba gasped.
“What are you saying, Sho-chan!” Aiba protested, shaking his head furiously. He didn’t. There was no way Sho said what he heard. He was imagining this. Or dreaming. Yeah, that must be the case, otherwise…
“I do! I love you!” Sho repeated, and before Aiba could realize what was happening, Sho had his face cradled in his palm and his lips were on his. Soft, yet insistent. Proving his point. Making Aiba dizzy and breathless…
“But you…” Aiba whispered with difficulty once their lips parted. “You hardly spoke to me for years now unless it was work related…” Aiba said, a hint of vulnerability in his voice. Scared to believe that this was actually happening. Scared that he’d wake up any moment now, only to realize that this was only a dream that his mind conjured just to torment him.
Sho chuckled and pressed a kiss to Aiba’s forehead.
“I was scared,” Sho admitted with a small, embarrassed smile on his lips. “I was so scared that you’d reject me and I wasn’t sure if I could stay in Arashi if that happened. So… I thought that if not pursuing you but being in Arashi with you was the only way to have you, it would be still better than not having you in my life at all.”
Aiba’s heart skipped several beats at Sho’s confession. Could it be… that all this time…? Aiba reached out his hand slowly and fisted Sho’s shirt right over his rapidly beating heart. The feeling soothing his own turbulent emotions.
“Are you not scared anymore?”
“I am. I’m scared that I’ll lose you for good if I don’t take this risk now… So… here I am…”
“I was scared too, Sho-chan… For years… I thought… you can have anyone so… why would you choose me?”
Sho couldn’t help himself and sealed Aiba’s lips with his once more.
“No more of that, okay, Masaki? It’s time for us to be brave, okay? Together…”
Aiba felt tears stinging behind his eyes.
“Say it again?”
“Together?” Sho asked back, a bit unsure, but smiling at how adorable Aiba was.
“No, my name. You always call me ‘Aiba-kun’ or ‘Aiba-san’ so… Say my name again?”
Sho smiled a bit wider, his eyes full of love.
“Masaki…” he whispered, pressing a short little kiss on Aiba’s lips. “Masaki, Masaki, Masaki…” he repeated again and again, pressing kisses on Aiba’s cheeks and lips every time, until he started to laugh despite the tears trickling from his eyes.
“I love you too, Sho-chan…”