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Some Furry Shit

Summary:

Razor is a furry owo and he beats up Paimon for roasting him.

Notes:

This was just me and my friend writing some crack and having fun. Hopefully y'all enjoy this great mistake we wrote.

Work Text:

Aether, Paimon, and Razor were walking through Wolvendom. The forest was so covered that they couldn't see the clear night sky above them. The smell of the air, the buzz of bugs, and the general vibe of a great night around them seemed to add to Razor’s happiness to be outside. The group wasn't talking much, but Razor didn't mind. Aether being quiet was nothing new, and Paimon being quiet for once was a well-deserved relief. In fact, the silence allowed Razor to be more in tune with his surroundings, enjoying them even more.

When they hit a clearing, Razor ran ahead, He seemed excited. He always enjoyed running around the forest, whether it was with the Travelers or just on a hunt. It was night time but the Moon lit up the area very well.If he had a tail it would definitely be wagging, and Razor definitely wished he had a tail.

He knelt down, and howled, "AHHHHHHWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo" Razor’s howl was very loud, catching Aether and Paimon off guard. Paimon looked visibly weirded out by Razor’s actions. She didn’t like the small wolf boy very much but Razor liked being around Aether, so Paimon didn’t have much of a choice.

“Uh Razor, that’s kinda weird, what are you doing?” Paimon was clearly judging Razor for his behavior, having a certain bitchy tone in her voice. She also was pointing at Razor to really exaggerate what he was doing.

“Howling, that is obvious.” Razor replied nonchalantly. He howled a couple more times, then got up. In the distance, you could hear his wolf pack respond to Razor with matching howls. Paimon was still giving him a judgy look, and she gave him a small “hmph” and turned away from Razor.

They continued on their adventure until Razor saw a bird sitting on a rock. He stalked up with very wolflike movements, clearly trying to hunt the bird. He sniffed around, picking up on the scents around him. In the blink of an eye, Razor pounced onto the bird, capturing it instantly with his mouth. Razor then spit the bird out into his hands, and put it away to save it for later.

“Okay, at this point, you're just straight-up a wolf.” Paimon sounded annoyed

“No, wolves are family”

“Razor, you’re such a furry!” Paimon scoffed, she sounded like a basic bitch.

"EXCUSE ME? a FURRY? I'll have you know that furries and I are NOTHING alike. I was raised by wolves, learned how to move like a wolf, and I know how to support a pack, hunt for meals, and can properly howl. Functionally, I am a wolf in human form. I may be primitive, but I am DIGNIFIED. Meanwhile, furries are complete POSERS, they aren't dedicated 24/7 like I am. They just wear crude costumes sometimes. Furries are nothing like animals, they're just people with a dumb hobby. So many little in-jokes and drawings and gatherings. Oh my ARCHON the fucking GATHERINGS. They fill up convention centers and hotel rooms and restaurants and whole fucking CITIES. They sing and dance and make so much fucking noise, I can't stand it. Furries and I have nearly nothing in common Paimon, and the sooner you get that into your stupid little small-ass malnourished brain of yours, the world will be a better fucking place. How DARE you even TRY to compare me to a FURRY. You're lucky I haven't blasted you into next week. Watch what you say, or it might happen for real, capiche? I am NOT a FURRY."

Paimon stayed silent for a moment, and then asked, “If you're not a furry, then why do you know so much about furries?”

So the Razor beat the SHIT out of Paimon

--- Time Skip UWU ---

Razor was back in his room at an Inn in Mondstadt. He wanted to stay outside and sleep with his wolf pack, but Paimon roasted him again for it, so he reluctantly went to an inn.

He sat down on the bed and took out a large bag which he had stuffed beside the bed. Scrawled on the side of the bag was "NO OPEN". He opened the bag, and inside was his big ass fursuit. His fursona was an Arctic wolf, but the paw pads were green. The fursuit was very nice, and super high quality. He took the fursuit out of the bag and put it onto the bed.

He slowly but euphorically got into the fursuit. It had been a rough day for Razor, and this was just the relief he needed. Each footpaw on his feet felt better than any shoes could.The fursuit head was hard to see out of, but wearing it was worth the joy that it brought Razor.

He was so happy in fact, that he began to dance around the room, to a music only he could hear. He was so enveloped in his role that he hadn't remembered to lock the door.

Paimon barged in, took one look at Razor, and screeched, "WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT YOUR FUCKING FURSONA? THAT"S CRINGE!"

Razor yelled back, "YOU'RE CRINGE!!!" and beat the shit out of Paimon again.