Chapter Text
"Say it!"
"No."
"SAAAAAAAY IT!"
"Begging louder won't change my mind."
"Say it or I'll start singing. And you wouldn't like my singing even if I have the best voice ever."
Techno sighed loudly as he entered the house. Slamming the door behind him and in Tommy's face. Earning amused looks from the rest of the family that already sat at the kitchen table. Food hot and ready.
"I told you not to take him, mate." Phil chuckled. "He's been hyper all week."
"Control your spawn, Philza." The piglin grunted, hanging up his cloak and heading for the fireplace instead of the table. Basking in the heat and shaking off the snow's cold.
Tommy eventually remembered he could open doors without cussing them out and entered. Kicking off his boots and hanging up his coat as well.
"Tommy, what have I told you about harassing Uncle Techno?" The 'uncle' was tacked on for amusement. A pet name often used by the family when they wanted to get something from the piglin.
No relationship whatsoever otherwise. Techno was just a long time friend of Phil's. Having been at his side for seven years and counting.
"To do it when you're filming." The boy supplied and Phil barked a laugh at Techno's annoyed look. Wilbur snorting into his dinner.
"Come eat you two."
"I'm not eating until Techno says it!"
"Then starve." The hybrid grumbled. Pushing up to stand and make his way over to the table. Grabbing his plate and already starting to wolf down half of it in seconds.
Tommy pouted but stubbornly stood there. Making loud obnoxious humming noises with his arms crossed. It ruffled Phil's feathers, made Techno's ears fall back. And Wilbur just leaned on his hands to watch the chaos unfold.
"Say what?"
Techno rolled his eyes. Groaning. "The gremlin found out I'm younger than him and now wants me to call him Big Man."
Silence followed his words. Tommy's humming cut off when he saw the shocked look of Phil. Wilbur glancing between Phil and Techno as he pieced two and two together.
When the piglin looked up to see what the problem was, Phil looked the most confused he had ever in his life.
The avian set down his fork. Clasped his hands. Let out an awkward laugh. "Right, language barrier. We haven't dealt with that in a while. Tech, you're not younger than Tommy!"
Now it was Techno's turn to look confused. "...isn't Tommy sixteen?"
"Yeah mate."
"...and eleven is younger than sixteen right...?"
More silence. Wilbur had set his fork down too.
"...what do you mean, eleven?"
"...I'm eleven." Techno repeated, tilting his head at Phil. "...you met me when I was four years old, Philza."
"...is this a prank, Tech?"
"...heh?! No!? I was four! I distinctly remember because it was my first hunting party!"
"Mate! You were the same height as me! You're seven feet tall now! You look like a grown adult!"
When Techno still looked confused, Phil went for his phone. Quickly googling piglins. Doing what research he could in the short span of time while Wilbur burst out into a laugh.
"You're seriously eleven?!"
"Yes." Techno said firmer. Huffing a snort. "Why is this such a shock? You idiots have been celebrating my birthday for years and you never thought to ask how old I am?!"
"The average height for piglins at age four is five foot seven?!" Phil screeched, staring at his phone. Gripping it a little too hard as his feathers puffed up and his wings fluttered. "What the fuck!?"
"Oh my god, Tech isn't the uncle-!" Wilbur cooed. Hands flying to his cheeks. "He's the baby brother!!! Awww!!!"
"Wilbur I will slit your throat."
"Whosa wittle baby boy?! You are!"
Techno stood up suddenly, which caused Wilbur to screech in alarm and fall back out of his chair. It was satisfying enough that the piglin didn't further attack him. Leaving him to wiggle on the floor in fear.
He looked back at Phil, who was growing increasingly more stressed the more he read on google. "...Phil, how old did you think I was this entire time?"
"Around my age!"
"So...a couple hundred years?"
Wilbur and Tommy laughed at that. Techno smirking down at his friend who just huffed an annoyed look at him. Then Phil stood up, finishing off the last of his food. Scrambling.
"Pack your bags tonight!" He ordered and the kids watched him curiously.
"What? Why?!" Tommy was the one to ask.
"We're taking Techno to Disney. No child in my house is going without a proper childhood."
"Phil! I'm an adult in piglin years!"
Techno's protests fell on deaf ears as the man was already gone upstairs. Rummaging through his stuff. Leaving him at the mercy of the two boys who now sat across from him again. Sharing equal grins.
He sighed.
"Don't."
"Little Baby Techno!"