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Silence hung over the mess hall like a thick fog. Wooden tables usually filled to the brim with Scouts both new and seasoned, were now sparsely occupied; those perched upon the worn benches pushing their food around their plates after their appetites had been all but extinguished after the massacre. Haggard expressions and exhaustion poured off of them in waves, and you couldn't help but add to the somber atmosphere as you sat at your own empty table with your head in your hands; the smell of the stew making your stomach churn.
"Hey (Y/N), is it alright if we join you?"
You lifted your head to see Armin and Mikasa standing tentatively in front of you, exchanging nervous glances.
"Of course. Sorry...I'm just still in shock. I can't believe this is all that's left of the Scouts," you croak, voice slightly wavering.
They both take their seats across from you and visibly deflate, the gravity of the situation physically weighing them down.
"I know. I can't even begin to imagine how Hange is feeling. Promoted to Commander, losing Moblit and their eye all in the same day..." Armin trailed off as tears started to form in your (E/C) eyes.
He cleared his throat and began to pick at his plate, while Mikasa sat silently, her grey eyes glazed over as her mind wandered somewhere far away. At the mention of Hange, your throat tightened and a pain pulsed deep in your chest. After the dust had settled, and what was left of the Scout Regiment had been routed back to the safety of the walls, Hange had immediately been thrown into the chaos after the death of Commander Erwin. You hadn't been able to catch a moment with them since they left with Levi, Mikasa and Eren to the basement in Shingashina. Even when you were atop the wall together before you all split up, they brushed off any affection or concern you had tried to show.
"Has anyone seen Hange?" you admitted disheartened, wanting more than anything to ensure they were okay.
A small figure slid silently into the space next to you, making you jump in surprise. With a huff you ran your fingers through your (H/C) hair and glared at the man beside you.
"You nearly gave me a heart attack Captain," you grumbled under your breath.
His emotionless eyes pierced through you, silencing your complaining at once.
"I am not here to chat. I am here on business," Levi's taught voice snapped through the air. His tone softened as he continued, "Hange is our Commander now, and they cannot be an effective leader in their current state. So, I need you to do whatever it is you lovebirds do and fix it. We have a lot of work ahead of us."
With that, he got up and strode down the hall, leaving you scurrying after him. The two of you walked in silence, the sounds of your footsteps echoing down the stone corridor towards the end hall. You eventually came to a stop in front of a closed heavy wooden door, before taking a deep breath and knocking.
"(Y/N) ...Hange is one of the only friends I have left. Please...take care of them. They need you now more than you know," he said, voice strained.
With that, he turned on his heel and disappeared from view.
After a few more moments of silence, you cautiously stepped through the door and closed it gently behind you. Immediately the stench of alcohol assaulted your nose. Once your eyes adjusted to the dimly lit room, your jaw dropped at the sight before you. Papers, books and glass from shattered beakers littered the floor. The table usually holding their research had been flipped onto its side and the bedsheets and pillows were soaked in alcohol and thrown haphazardly around the room. In the midst of it all, Hange sat in a heap against the back wall, their head hung in defeat with knees tucked into their chest.
You called out, but earned no response from the figure slumped dejectedly against the wall. As you made your way, avoiding the glass and debris on the floor they finally spoke.
"No, don't come any closer. I don't want you to see me like this," Hange said, voice cracked and strained as they desperately wiped what you believed to be tears from their face.
Once close enough, you knelt down in front of them and reached out to touch them, only for Hange to shy away from your hand and curl in even further on themselves.
"For better or worse, remember?" you reminded them as your (S/C) fingers absentmindedly caressed the engagement ring dangling from the chain hanging around your neck.
"How could you still want me like this...?" the scientist whispered.
"Like what- "you started before a heart wrenching sob cut through the tense air between you.
"Like this!" Hange cried, finally angling their face enough for you to see the full extent of the injury.
Their left eye was completely mangled, with jagged skin and crusted blood plastered to their face. You hadn't realized how devastating the blast had been, and what it had taken. With wide eyes, you soaked in the image of Hange's tear streaked and bloodied face, their raw expression of pain and fear burning in your mind. They let their head fall once again before burying their face in their arms, shoulders shaking as uncontrollable sobs wracked their entire body.
"How could you want this? A Commander by default. A failure who couldn't save the lives of their friends...who couldn't even save myself. Ha! I even managed to fail at getting drunk, spilled the damn bottle all over the bed. Not to mention..." they started, brittle voice on the verge of breaking again as their hand ghosted over the place where an eye should be.
You could feel Hange's desperate plea for comfort in your bones. Unable to bear the sight of the love of your life so distraught you closed the distance and straddled their legs, wrapping them in a tight embrace. You buried Hange's face in your chest as you willed your warmth and love into their soul, hoping and praying they could feel your love like a warm blanket. Slowly you felt their strong arms wrap around your waist, pulling you deeper into them as their fingers bunched up in the fabric of your shirt; clinging to you like at any moment you would slip right through their calloused fingers.
The minutes ticked by as the two of you sat there, before you finally felt their strained breaths calm and the tenseness of their body melt into you. You took the tie out of Hange's auburn hair and ran your fingers along their scalp, massaging and needing until they were nothing more than a sighing puddle of goo beneath you. You peppered light kisses atop their head before you finally broke the comfortable silence.
"Hange Zoe, I love you. I will love you until my dying breath, and nothing in this world could change that. Nothing. You are mine and I am yours forever Zo. Do you understand me?" you whispered, lifting their chin, forcing your eyes to meet. As you gazed upon each other, you traced your fingers along the left side of their face along the edges of the broken skin. You could feel Hange's neck muscles tense, ready to turn and hide their face from you once more. "You are so beautiful Hange. I don't know what I did to deserve you."
Before they could respond with a comment of their own, you slid your hands along the back of their neck, tangling your fingers in auburn hair, before bringing your lips down to capture Hange's in a long and tender kiss. Kissing was nothing new between the two of you. You had done it so many times in fact, you lost count. But in this moment, there was such a desperation and need that was anything other than sexual. It was fear. Pain. Sadness. Guilt. Remorse. You could feel it in the way she grasped onto you, almost too tight. The way her lips instantly sought yours out the second they parted when you needed air. The taste of salt from her tears as they continued to spill down her exhausted face and onto your lips. No matter what you provided, she needed more. Something you were all too willing to give. You poured your love into every flick of your tongue, every caress of your fingers, every time your lips danced. Soon you were both nothing more than a panting mess, amidst the chaos of a dimly lit and destroyed room.
"Zo, I need you to go wash up while I clean up this mess. Can you do that for me?" you asked as you attempted to untangle yourself from her vice like grip.
Hange instinctively tightened their hold on you and burrowed their face into your chest, making you chuckle and stroke their disheveled auburn hair.
"I just...need to feel you. I know you are here with me and that you're safe (Y/N). I know. But I just...I need to make sure. I can't do this without you."
You simply traced patterns along the skin of Hange's neck and shoulders as they pressed their ear to your chest, allowing them their moment. After a while, they pulled away with an embarrassed blush creeping on their face and small smile on their lips. You got to your feet, pulling Hange up with you before placing a peck to their cheek and ushering them out the door to the washroom.
You set to work cleaning the mess that Hange's breakdown had caused. You made quick work of the room, and as you finished putting fresh sheets on the bed, you heard the door open and close, before feeling arms snaking their way around your waist and a warm pair of lips against your ear.
"Thank you (Y/N). I'm...just...thank you," Hange murmured as they brushed their lips over your neck, causing goosebumps to form along your skin. You hummed at the welcome sensation. Turning to meet their gaze, you saw a poorly done dressing over their eye. A smile snaked its way across your lips before you ordered Hange to take a seat on the bed before redressing their eye and pulling them down with you into the warm embrace of the blankets. You ghosted your lips over the bandage, taking your time lavishing that area with attention and softly placed kisses.
"I love you Hange."
"Can you please say it again...?" Hange asked, hesitantly meeting your gaze.
"Zo, I love you so much, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."
The relieved smile that broke across their face lit you on fire, but also broke your heart. It would take time to convince them that your feelings haven't changed, but it was something you would gladly remind them of over and over again.
You pulled Hange into you, their ear pressed firmly to your chest as you watched their expression turn slack as sleep finally took them under. It evaded you, as you kept your attention trained on the absolutely breathtaking scientist draped over your body finally looking at peace for the first time since the whole ordeal. You tightened your arms around Hange protectively, earning a small huff from your slumbering fiancé as they mumbled nonsense about Sawney and Bean in their sleep. Thoughts of laying down beside Hange, and waking to them every morning filled your mind, as a wave of calm washed over you, and sleep finally claimed you.