Work Text:
Los Angeles, 2020.
Bette Porter had never been the kind of woman that let her emotions get the best of her. She was a strong woman and had made it her mission to appear that way to each and every person around her, in every situation she had to encounter. Showing her true emotions in public was rare for the brunette, but it had happened. Usually these emotional outbursts had something to do with the love of her life, Tina Kennard.
The past year and a half had been rough for Bette. The death of her sister, moving back to Los Angeles, the divorce, running for mayor, Tina’s unexpected visit, Tina telling her she was getting married to Carrie and eventually losing the election. During the entire length of these things, Bette had managed to appear strong and kept together, but at a certain afternoon, 3 months ago, it had all become too much.
She had felt tired, exhausted even. The brunette was done with it, all of it. She just couldn’t possibly take it anymore. Nothing, literally nothing had gone the way it was supposed to go. Coming home that afternoon had felt like a haze. She couldn’t even remember going inside, going to her bedroom and changing into her pajamas. Bette was lying on the couch in some kind of trance. She was simultaneously feeling all her pain flowing through her body and not feeling anything at all. She was numb. Tears streaming uncontrollably down her cheeks.
Bette hadn’t even heard Angie coming in. Her sweet and caring daughter, always looking out for her heartbroken mom. Angie had been worried about her momma B. She knew that it was all getting too much for the poor woman to bear and had been waiting for an outburst like this to come. Bette didn’t show her emotions often, but usually it would become too much at a certain point and everything would come out in some kind of huge mental breakdown.
That afternoon Angie had decided to try her best to help her mom and had convinced her to come with her to the woods, to get some much-needed air. Bette had told Angie the story of her experience at the silent retreat while the two of them were standing at the edge of a cliff, and had asked the teen to scream with her. Both mom and daughter had enjoyed doing this together and had promised each other they would go and do it again when things got tough.
Angie and Bette had also had a heart to heart about how they felt about everything and the girl had let her it known to her mom that it’s alright to have feelings and to share these feelings with her or another loved one. Angie hated to see her momma B suffer in silence.
“Don’t bottle up all your feelings again, mom. You should express them instead.”
Bette had smiled at her daughter and could barely recall how and when her little girl had grown into such a wise young woman. She was Tina through and through.
“You’re so much like your momma T.”
“I know mom, but I’m also a lot like you.” Angie answered smiling back.
“Yes, you are. You’re a mix of both of us.” Bette told her daughter, enveloping her in a tight hug.
From that day on, Bette had kept her promise to her daughter and expressed her feelings when she needed it.
Now it had been three months since that day, and a lot of things had changed. Tina and Carrie had found a house together and had moved in three weeks ago. Bette had gone back into the art world, the work place she truly belonged and Tina and Angie had started to spend a lot of time together, Tina’s way of making up for lost time. Bette was happy for her daughter, she deserved to have both of her moms in her life and loved seeing the girl happy.
While having Tina back was great for Angie, it was hard on Bette. Seeing Tina happy and in love with Carrie was torture. In public she was able to behave, but at home she decided to let her feelings run free. There were nights where she cried until het pillow was drenched and there were afternoons where she went to their place in the woods and screamed from the top of her lungs.
Bette had never gotten over the fact that Tina had left her.
Bette was still very much in love with Tina.
Bette could never see herself with anyone else than Tina, ever.
Tina was it for her.
She wished and wished and wished that Tina would feel the same, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Tina was with Carrie and they were already planning their wedding that was supposed to happen in two months. No matter how hard Bette tried, she couldn’t be okay with it, she just couldn’t. The more time went by, the worse she felt. She was simply heartbroken.
Angie knew how her momma B felt and she understood. Angie was not pleased about her momma T marrying Carrie either. But for the sake of Tina’s happiness she behaved. She did however really enjoy spending time with her mama. Tina often picked her daughter up at Bette’s house to go and do a fun activity with her. Going shopping, going to the movies, going to beautiful places in and around LA, whatever it was that Angie wanted to do, they would. Tina missed Angie during the nights and would have loved for Angie to stay with her and Carrie for some nights a week, but she let the girl decide for herself and respected her wishes to remain in Bette’s care.
Tina also knew that Bette was still having a hard time after all this time had passed. She could just see it in her face. Tina was able to read Bette like no one else could and she knew it. After all these years the two former wives could read each other like a book. She felt bad for the brunette, but didn’t really know how to help her. Angie had briefly mentioned teaching her mom to express her emotions instead of bottling things up and Tina was at least glad to hear this. She knew all about Bette and her bottled up emotions.
Knowing that Bette was hurting, hurt Tina too.
But she had to lock these feelings away, she was with Carrie now.
Today Tina was on her way to pick up Angie for a lovely picknick in the local park. She rang the front door and waited till her usually enthusiastic daughter opened the door.
“Mama… hi.” Angie said quietly when she opened the door.
Tina could immediately sense that something was off. Did something happen to Angie? Was she sick? Did she and Jordi break up?
“Sweetie, are you okay?” She asked concerned, and walked into the house.
Angie felt nervous about telling Tina what was actually going on. She had never told Tina how much her other mom was actually hurting.
“I am, I am. Don’t worry…about me.” The teen stammered.
“But?” Tina pushed, worry spreading on her face.
“It’s momma B…”
“Momma B? What do you mean? What’s going on with her?”
“She… uhm…” Angie was anxious about the reaction she could get from Tina and wanted to protect Bette.
“Angelica Elizabeth Porter-Kennard.” Tina said sternly. “You’re scaring me and I need you to tell me what’s going on.”
A tear escaped Angie’s eyes and she whispered: “She’s hurting a lot. It’s all becoming too much for her.”
“What is, baby?” A clueless Tina answered concerned. “Her job?”
“No, MOM. Do you really not see how hard it is for her to see you so happy with Carrie?” Angie answered a bit agitated.
“I…” Tina stammered.
“She’s trying her best, she obviously wants you to be happy, but she’s not doing well mom, she’s just not.” Angie sighed.
“Where is she?”
“Upstairs in her bedroom.”
“I’m going to check up on her.” Tina said, her voice getting small. She knew Bette had been having a hard time, but hearing this from Angie made it all the more real. It sounded worse than she had initially thought.
“Okay, but please be gentle with her.”
“I will, sweetie. You stay here and watch some tv or something until I get back.”
Tina slowly made her way upstairs. She had stayed in this house for a couple of days, but it still felt a bit strange to her. She had to make sure she went to the right room, out of many, in this big house. When she thought she’d found Bette’s bedroom, she quietly pushed the door slightly open and peeked inside.
Her heart sank in her throat.
Bette was lying in bed with her back towards the door. She was wearing one of the pajamas she and Tina used to share, and soft sniffles, barely audible, were coming from her. She had curled herself into a ball and had almost managed to completely soak the pillow she was holding.
Seeing her former wife like this was painful for Tina. Something stung her heart and it was not a pleasurable feeling to experience. She also knew right there in this moment of watching Bette, that she wanted to do anything to protect her from hurting even more. This broken Bette was unbearable to see.
Tina softly knocked on the door and whispered: “Bette?”
The brunette didn’t give her an answer and was unable to even move the slightest inch. It felt like she was experiencing some kind of shock. Tina decided to just walk up to the bed to see her from close by. She sat down on the bed, behind her ex-wife, and softly touched her arm.
“Bette…”
The only thing coming from Bette were more tears and a louder sniffle. It was worrying Tina like crazy. Of all the ways in which she had seen her former lover, she had never experienced her like this. So completely fragile and in such a shock.
“Please look at me…” Tina tried, with pain in her voice, as she stroked Bette’s arm softly. “I’m so worried about you.”
“I’m fine…” A barely audible Bette whispered. “I’m just tired.”
“You’re not fine…please…”
“I can’t…” Bette said very quietly.
Tears were streaming down Tina’s face. Her heart was hurting for the brunette and she needed the pain to stop. Seeing Bette like this had stirred something up inside of her, something she thought was long gone.
She loved Bette.
She loved her so much, there was nothing and no one that could ever replace the kind of love she felt so deeply for her ex-wife.
But what could she possibly do? She was getting married in two months and she loved Carrie, didn’t she? While softly stroking Bette’s arm, images were flowing through her mind. Images of walking towards the aisle on her wedding day. Her fiancé would be waiting for her on the other side of the aisle, they were already getting close to having it all planned out. Tina’s dress had been purchased, she had chosen her jewelry and they had ordered a cake. The venue was booked and even the invitations had gone into the mail yesterday.
As Tina’s mind let her walk down the aisle, things slowly changed around her. Her new dress changed into her old one, the one she wore on her previous wedding day. The venue changed, the decorations changed, even the guests changed. They all slowly changed back to her first wedding, the one she’d thought be her last. The marriage she thought would last forever. As Tina imagined herself walking closer to Carrie, she finally looked up from the rose petals on the dusty pink carpet and saw to her surprise that Carrie wasn’t standing at the altar, waiting for her. Someone else was.
Bette.
More tears streamed down the blonde’s face as she slowly started to realize how much she still loved the beautiful brunette. Her amazing, sexy, intelligent, strong, vulnerable and sweet ex-wife. She loved her, she missed her. She even missed the way she always wanted to be in control. Bette had flaws; god Tina knew how flawed she was. But Angie had also mentioned to Tina that her momma B had changed for the better in the past year. Could it be true?
“Bette… turn around…” Tina softly said.
Something stirred inside of the brunette. The familiar warmth in the voice she heard, and that oh so familiar phrase…
Tina.
Tina was the one here in the bedroom with her.
It took a few seconds, but Bette managed to shift her stiff body a little bit to see the familiar figure sitting behind her. She saw the tears streaming down Tina’s cheeks. Why was she crying? Was she really here, or was this just an imagination her drowsy mind had created? Most importantly, why was she here?
“Tina…” Bette whispered, her voice small and broken.
“Yes baby, I’m here.” Tina whispered back, a tiny smile forming on her lips. She shifted more onto the bed so she could lay down next to the brunette and helped her turn her body around. Tina propped herself up against a pillow and took Bette into her arms, hugging her tight.
She sweetly stroked her ex-wife’s beautiful curls. “Oh, sweetie, what’s going on with you?”
Hearing the blonde’s sweet voice, the voice she loved and missed so much, broke something inside of Bette again and she started sobbing. Tears streaming from her eyes. Waterworks bigger than the Niagara Falls.
“Honey… please talk to me.”
“I can’t.” Bette sobbed uncontrollably into Tina’s chest.
“Yes, you can. It’s okay, let it all out.”
“I just can’t do it anymore, Tee. It all hurts way too much.”
“I know…”
“It’s so hard, seeing you every day, looking all happy. Seeing Carrie wrapping an arm around you, seeing you plan your wedding, hearing Angie talk about the beautiful dress you’ve picked out, knowing that I’ve lost you again, and realizing that it’s for real this time. You’ve left me three times, Tina, but this one is by far the most painful experience I have ever had in my life.” Bette rambled through her sobs.
“I’m so sorry.” Tina cried too. “I never meant for it to end up like this…”
“I know you didn’t…” Bette hugged closer into Tina’s chest, taking in her unique scent, the warmth of her body, the familiar feeling of home.
“What’s the specific cause of you feeling like this today?” Tina asked softly.
“The wedding invitation came in the mail today.”
“Oh…” Shit. The blonde had completely overlooked the possible reaction it could provoke for her ex-wife when they had sent out the invitations.
“I want you to be happy, Tee. That’s obviously the most important thing here. You deserve to feel happy, loved and fulfilled. Please know that…”
“I do know that, baby.” Tina kissed the top of Bette’s head. “I have noticed how hard you’ve been trying and how kind and welcoming you’ve tried to be for Carrie.”
“Well, it doesn’t fucking mean that was easy to do though.”
“I get that…” Tina answered softly, as she continued to stroke the hair and back of a crying Bette.
“I love you so much, Tina. I could never, ever love anyone the way I love you. I never even want to be in a relationship with another woman. It’s just… you. It has always been you.”
“I love you too, Bette.” Tina sighed. “I always have. You were my first love, remember?”
“As if I could ever forget.” A small smile formed on the brunette’s lips, thinking back to that special night at the Bette Porter Gallery in 1997. “I have loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”
“I know, me too.” Tina smiled too. “Eric long forgotten when I saw you standing there in that beautiful velvet suit and purple shirt, with your hair all short and your killer smile.”
“Oh right, my power lesbian era.” Bette chuckled.
“You’re still a power lesbian, babe.”
“Yeah, well one that’s getting all wrinkly and old.”
“Bette, don’t be ridiculous. You’re more beautiful right now than ever before.” Tina admitted honestly.
“Oh, I am not.” Bette countered.
“Yes, you are. Look at yourself, you’re perfect.”
“I’m a crying mess, Tina.”
“Tears don’t make you any less beautiful, they show that you’re able to experience vulnerability and show your inner beauty.”
“Wow, I certainly missed your wisdom.” Bette looked up into Tina’s eyes, and stroked her cheek. “Everyone deserves to have their own Tina Kennard. I hope Carrie realizes how incredibly lucky she is.”
Tina stared back into Bette’s eyes and felt the sensation of the brunette’s soft fingers burning into the skin of her cheek. Her heart was beating a thousand miles an hour inside of her chest and she had to refrain herself from kissing her beautiful ex-wife right there and then. Bette was a heartbroken mess, but still had room to wish Tina happiness. She had not once said a bad word about Carrie, like the old version of Bette Porter would have. The new Bette Porter had really improved herself and Tina could feel it. Angie had been right about her momma B.
“You’re amazing.” The blonde smiled softly.
“No Tina, you’re the one that’s amazing. I took you for granted and I have been paying for that ever since the divorce. I should have given you more space, I should have listened to the things you had to say, to what you wanted, to how you saw things. I see that now, I was so blind, I was always in some sort of tunnel vision when it came to what I wanted and hardly ever considered your needs. I was awful, and I-.”
“Shhhht.” Tina stopped Bette, putting her index finger on the brunette’s lips. “You were not awful, don’t ever say that again. Yes, some of the things you listed were true and were part of the reason for me to want the divorce, but it’s not just your fault, you know. There were two of us in the marriage. I should have fought for us, instead of running away.”
Bette looked at Tina with her teary eyes. Taking in what the beautiful blonde said. “And now it’s too late…” She sighed sadly.
Bette’s sad sigh felt like a pang in Tina’s chest. She found herself feeling that she didn’t actually want it to be too late. She wanted to be there for Bette. She wanted to be the one that made her smile every day. She wanted to have Bette in her arms forever. She wanted to kiss her. She wanted her fun activities with Angie to include Bette. She wanted to come home to them every day. She wanted to eat breakfast with them, to eat dinner with them. She wanted to watch Bette sleep. She wanted the brunette to be the first one she saw when she woke up in the morning.
She wanted Bette back.
She knew that now.
“No…” Tina said quietly.
Bette was confused. What did Tina mean? “What do you mean, no?”
“I don’t want it to be too late…”
Bette could only stare at the blonde with an open mouth.
“Kiss me.” Tina said determined.
Bette couldn’t believe her ears and quickly moved onto her elbow so she was face to face with Tina. “But Tee, you-.”
“Bette, just shut up and kiss me, okay?”
“I-.” Bette stammered and then smiled. “Okay.” She moved closer to Tina to close the distance between the two of them and pressed her lips to the blondes. She couldn’t believe it, this feeling. It was indescribable. It felt like fireworks were erupting from the sky, it felt like sparks were flying through her entire body, as the love of her life kissed her back.
Tina felt the same way. Nobody had ever kissed her the way Bette did and nobody was capable of making it feel so incredibly good. It felt like her heart was exploding in her chest and she could feel the kiss in every part of her body.
The two ex-wives made their lips melt into a passionate kiss. Bette’s tongue probed Tina’s lips, seeking entrance into her mouth. They both let themselves go completely and only focused on their kiss. Both Tina and Bette released the occasional moan, enjoying the passion they had missed for so long.
Minutes seemed to go by before the both of them had no choice but to release each other for some air. Bette couldn’t help but to look at Tina with a smile. Tina, the breathtaking, stunning, incredible Tina. The woman Bette still loved beyond measure after all these years, had kissed her again for the first time in two years. She couldn’t believe it. But what did it mean?
“Tee, what’s going on?” She asked shyly.
Now it was Tina’s turn to break down and cry. “I love you so much, Bette. And I missed you, and I-.” She sobbed.
“Shhht, baby, it’s okay.” Bette consoled the crying blonde. “Come on, let’s sit up.” She suggested as she helped Tina and herself move into a sitting position. She put her hand on Tina’s face and softly stroked her cheek.
“I just want you back, Bette. I want to be with you so badly.”
Bette’s heart skipped a beat. Tina wanted her back??? She didn’t know what to say, so she let the blonde continue.
“When I saw you lying here in bed all broken, when I heard you sobbing, when I saw the intense pain displayed on your face, it just hit me how much I actually still care about you. I miss the life we had together, I miss the smile you got on your face every day when I came home from work, I miss the way we were able to read each other by just one look, I miss cuddling up together with a glass of wine after a long day, I miss kissing you, I miss weaving my fingers through your curls, I miss sleeping in your arms, I miss all of it. I miss you.”
By the time Tina finished her speech, tears were streaming down Bette’s face again too.
“Tina… oh my god…”
“I love you…” Tina whispered through her tears.
“I love you too, baby. You know how much I love you.” Bette cried back.
“It’s you, Bette. It has always been you. Will you please let me be yours again?”
Bette gave Tina the biggest smile she had ever given her. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, I am. I have never been more serious in my life.” Tina smiled back.
The brunette enveloped Tina in a tight hug. She couldn’t believe it. Tina was hers again. The love of her life was coming back to her. “Of course, Tee! There’s nothing in the world that would make me happier.” But…
“What about Carrie?”
Tina hugged Bette back and held her tightly. She knew this question would come. “I will figure it out, I promise.”
Bette moved back from their embrace and looked her beautiful ex-wife – soon to be girlfriend in the eyes. For the first time in a long time she felt happy, really happy. She grabbed Tina’s face and gave her a kiss. Pouring all her new regained happy feelings into it. The two of them kept kissing each other for a little while longer, teasing each other and giggling in between.
“Tee, did you plan for this to happen today?” A curious Bette asked.
“I most definitely did not.” Tina giggled. “But when I saw you, it all changed.”
“Awwww, babe, I changed your entire plans?”
“Well, this was not how I imagined this day would go when I walked through the front door, but when does life ever go according to plan?”
“You’re right, it never does. Especially not our lives.” Bette laughed.
“Get up.” Tina said, while moving herself off the bed and walking over to Bette’s bathroom. “Remember that I came here today to take Angie out for a picknick?”
“Uhm, yes I think so.” Bette said, following Tina. “What about it?”
“You’re coming with us.” The blonde answered while she freshened herself up and cleaned her face. She then proceeded to clean Bette’s face too.
“I am?”
“Yes, you are. Go put on some clothes.”
“Okay.” The brunette smiled, and did what Tina asked her to do.
When they were both ready, Tina took Bette’s hand into hers and walked her downstairs. The first steps to their newfound life together…