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Growing up Sayaka Miki was always called a tomboy. In fact, she got mistaken for a boy a few times, one of these aforementioned moments being when she met her best friend. Looking back it made sense why; she always kept her hair on the shorter side, she wasn’t fond of dresses, and she had a tendency to act “un-ladylike” as her father always seemed to put it. Ladylike. Lady. “You’re growing up to be a fine young lady.”
Sayaka wasn’t sure why the thought of being a woman, a lady, felt so… unfamiliar. Perhaps it simply was because she was living her days in the moment. She was still a girl after all. Just a young teen, still ripe for being picked up by some magical fairy tale creature for some grand quest. Many days she dreamed of going on some life-changing, self-changing, adventure. She could come back home after all that traveling, better than she was before, a newly appointed knight mayhaps, oh the stories she could tell Madoka.
In the end the idea of transforming into something that she was meant to be was just the stuff of legends and myths. There was no real Sayaka for this girl to become.
It wasn’t that she despised dresses, she didn’t even hate them. She just didn’t feel like herself in them. There was something about the way they made her feel, something about the way that they… flowed? Whenever she tried to explain it to Madoka she always found it hard. Maybe it was that dresses were too much. Too loose. Maybe it was simply that they made her feel like the princess of the story.
The word “daughter” stuck with her like a mosquito bite. Itching and uncomfortable. She tried not to scratch at it, hoping to keep it from bleeding… but eventually it became too much and she picked at it, trying to get the sensation to stop and… It started to bleed. The good news is opened up scabs could always be bandaged, all it took was a bit of effort. The bad news is that bug bites will still itch under the bandaid. At least now it couldn't be opened.
Sayaka Miki often found her(?)self wondering why the world got to dictate who she(?) had to be. The princess in the story. Girls don't get to be princes they would always say. She(?) didn't even want to be royalty! Why couldn't she(?) just be a knight? The only ones who ever seemed to let her(?) play the role she(?) wanted was her(?) friends…
She(?) remembered when Madoka had come out to her(?) and Hitomi. It was confusing at first, but eventually it was natural. Their friend was a girl and it was as simple as that. So she(?) offered to let Madoka play the role she wanted to play. The princess. Things didn't change much. After all, Sayaka was still her loyal knight. It didn't matter the title, the name, the pronouns, Sayaka would be with her always.
Not all royalty wanted a knight though. Some princes just wanted a princess. Some princesses just wanted a prince. Afterall, the bloodline must continue and who ever heard of a knight marrying a prince outside of fanciful stories? So she(.) would simply have to be the princess. A little conformity never hurt nobody, especially if it means she(.) can get her(.) happy ending.
You would think that when Sayaka finally got her(.) chance to indulge in the magic world she(.) had always dreamed of, she(.) would be happier. Ecstatic even. And she(.) was. For a time that is. It wasn’t the witch hunting that bogged her(.) down at this moment, nor was it the vague nature of her(.) job. It was the title. Magical… girl. Magical girl. Magical girl . Something just wasn’t right about it. The title just… didn’t feel like her(.?). Maybe it was because she(.) always expected to be called a hero. She(?) never expected that her(.) destiny was that of a magical girl . Maybe it just came with the adjustment of living in a world where you know miracles and magic do indeed exist. Maybe it’s something that all other magical girls feel at one point or another.
It was not in fact something that most magical girls felt. This revelation left Sayaka with more questions than answers. Why was she(?) different? Why couldn’t she(?) just happily accept the title? What was wrong with her(?)?
“Madoka… h… how did you realize you were trans?” No eye contact. Shaky words. Wringing of hands. Pass it off. Make it seem like a casual question.
Is Sayaka Miki really a girl? A question she(??) has to ask her(??)self. A question she(??) didn’t know how to ask her(??)self.
She(??) didn’t feel fond of the idea of being a prince. Never has. Something about it never struck a chord with her(??). She(??) wasn’t a boy. That much was for sure.
But if she(???) wasn’t a boy then was she(???) a girl?
A girl trying to feel special, jealous of the attention her(?) friend got. That had to be it. She(.) just was selfish and a sad excuse for a knight princess.
A knight. A princess.
A knight. A princess.
A knight. A princess.
A knight… A princess…
Why did she(?!) have to choose between prince or princess, girl or boy. Why couldn’t she(??????) just be neither!? The labels didn’t fit her(??????????????????) at all! IT ALL MADE HER(!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??????!) WANT TO RIP AT HERSELF TO DESTROY SOMETHING TO...
Maybe… maybe she(...) didn’t need to be either.
In an attempt to quell the pain and frustration Sayaka does some research. ████ learns of people who feel the same as ████. People who were neither prince nor princess, people who were no title, people who were many. It was… comforting. Made ████ wonder why ████ were crying in ████ little ol bedroom in the middle of the night. Crying because of some words on a screen. Words ████ felt ████ could relate to, connect to, so deeply, so thoroughly. It felt as if ████ were seeing ████ own thoughts and feelings.
Sayaka Miki, they(?)... they(???)... they(...)... they(.) they(.!) they(!!!)!
Sayaka Miki, they need not be a prince or princess, for in the end they will always be Madoka’s loyal knight!
That is what they know… and that is what makes them happy.