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Every single person Seokjin kissed ended up crying.
To be fair, the count was currently at two, but he wasn't about to risk it getting any higher.
The first one, Seokjin thought, could have been a one-off. A terrible first experience, sure, but everyone's first kiss was terrible, he was told. Mostly, slobbering and too much teeth, or braces getting caught together. He wished he'd just had some casual biting. Even if someone bit right through his lip. It would have been better.
Instead, tears.
His first crush, a pretty, shy girl he'd met at hagwon. She struggled with algebra, and he was good at it, so they sat next to each other. She smelled like vanilla cupcakes, one of those cloying lotions that all the middle school girls loved, and bit the eraserheads off her pencils. She loved dogs, and mario, and that was enough, when he was thirteen and too eager to kiss anyone.
They kissed for the first time standing outside in the cold after a long day at the hagwon; Seokjin said he would walk her home, as a gentleman did. She blushed, blushed even deeper when he took his coat off to wrap it around her shoulders (he was freezing, the snow settling on his bare hands but it was worth it to see her blush). They stopped a block away from her family's home, and she tilted her head up at him right when he leaned in to get the jacket, and well, he knew a sign when he saw one so he leaned in, kissed her softly.
And then she started sobbing. Full on sobbing, not romantic, soft tears that finally their love was fulfilled, no, gross, snotty, bawling. He probably got some snot in his mouth. It was awful. She looked at him once, still sobbing loudly, face pink, and ran away.
He didn't find out until the next day that she'd seen her father walking past when she opened her eyes, and knew she was in for it.
They didn't sit next to each other, after that.
It was sort of a funny story, on its own. And it would have been, a funny first date story to show how awkward he could be, too, if it wasn't for the second time.
The second time was in college, Seokjin's second year. Seokjin had put the first kiss incident behind him. Sure, it had turned him off dating for a few years, but that was fine. He'd ended up at SNU, so a little bit of time off dating was probably the best option for him. Yoongi took him to an underground queer party in someone’s apartment, said that Seokjin needed to "meet his people" - Yoongi, his roommate, who had a giant bi flag in his room, had brought home more men than Seokjin could count in less than two weeks, until Seokjin had asked him as nicely as he could to fuck more quietly, please - Yoongi had dressed Seokjin for this one, in his "slutty clothes." It was just a white t-shirt and jeans, actually, but the white t-shirt was too small, one of Yoongi's, so it rode up high, basically a crop top.
He was gonna get laid tonight.
Or at the very least, kissed.
Aim high, Seokjin.
It was going well, too. He'd started talking to someone - a handsome, overly lanky boy, a Labrador in human form who swore he knew Yoongi, maybe had been one of the ones going into Yoongi's bedroom before Seokjin put his foot down. Awkward funny, which was okay - so was Seokjin - and the sort of terribly smart that came out in every word he said, even when he wasn't trying to. And he wasn't trying to, at all, which Seokjin liked even more, the way he apologized every time he said something a little too high brow.
Seokjin leaned in to kiss him in the middle of a sentence. Namjoon melted under him easily, his mouth opening to let Seokjin lick into his mouth, and that was a little too advanced for him, French kissing, so Seokjin just let himself kiss Namjoon, curl his arm around Namjoon’s waist and bring him flush against his chest -
Then Seokjin tasted it, wet against his upper lip.
Tears.
He pulled away, frowning. "Namjoon, are you..."
"I'm..." Namjoon wiped his eyes. "God, I'm so sorry, you're great, you're so hot, you're way out of my league, it's just, we were talking and then I realized that the last person who I got along with like this was Yoongi and he was the last person I kissed and then you were here and kissing me and I'm so sorry I didn't mean to..."
Seokjin sighed, grabbing a paper towel and handing it to Namjoon. "Blow," he said. "Do you want to talk about it? I'm a Yoongi expert."
Namjoon nodded pathetically. Seokjin sighed, taking his hand and walking him to one of the bedrooms, trying to ignore Yoongi’s waggling eyebrows. He locked the bedroom door.
"Okay," he said, "let hyung help."
Somewhere between the twentieth minute of Namjoon's monologuing about Yoongi's pretty lips and big hands and pink elbows and how Yoongi was pink everywhere, Seokjin started to seriously consider if he'd been cursed.
When Jungkook walked into his room, collapsing on his bed (in his outdoor clothes , Seokjin was going to yell at him about that later), demanding Seokjin teach him how to kiss, then Seokjin was absolutely sure.
He was definitely cursed.
A long-term curse, too. There were layers to this one, making this moment uniquely awful, Jungkook in his big, baggy black shirt and tight black jeans splayed out on his bed, perky ass in the air, pouting into his sheets and whining, " hyunggg , can you teach me how to kiss someone?"
Problem one: His awful, embarrassing, impossible crush on Jeon Jungkook. This, Seokjin considered, was the biggest issue. Awful because Jungkook was too young for him, twenty two and terribly pretty, with his big eyes and bigger muscles, and there was absolutely no way he was going to date Seokjin , the hyung he tried his absolute best to annoy. Jungkook had cycled through crushes in the group - his first, obvious one on "Namjoon-hyung", which ended the second he saw Namjoon try to cook pasta - his second on Jimin, a little less obvious but still obvious enough that he heard Jimin and Taehyung wondering if they should invite him in for a threesome. That one seemed to have died out after whatever had happened between the three of them, replaced with a soft, goopy crush on Hoseok, marked by a little too much cuddling and lingering glances.
And now... now, Jungkook didn't seem to have a crush on anyone. He'd skipped right past the Seokjin phase, apparently.
Which was fine. Of course Jungkook didn't like him. Jungkook wrestled Seokjin into the ground, snuck extra salt into his food and called him an old man. That was fine, Seokjin had figured out how to live with it, just being Jungkook's friend instead of his lover. He loved Jungkook, and if that love would only ever be teasing pinches and grabs when everyone else whined, calling them children, if the most he'd ever get from Jungkook was a teasing kiss on his ankle just to freak him out - that was okay. He could take it.
The thing was, though, if Jungkook didn't have a crush on any of his friends, it meant he could have a crush on someone else.
Someone else who might actually like Jungkook back.
And, apparently, he had.
Problem two: Even if he didn't have a crush on Jungkook, he had no idea how to kiss anyone. After two failed attempts, he didn't want to try anymore. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thrice... well, he didn't even want to think about it.
So he told Yoongi he just didn't like dating, wanted to take some time for himself, and it had worked, so far.
Problem three: If Jungkook ever found out about that, he would never hear the end of it. Seokjin did his level best to keep Jungkook's teasing arsenal low, and this one - this was a nuclear weapon. No way Jungkook could ever, ever know.
Problem four: Every time - every single fucking time, and there were so many of them - that Jungkook flopped on his bed, all of Seokjin's higher functioning went south. It was just the picture of it, Jungkook splayed out like he belonged there, like he'd spent the night there, kicking his heels up and wrapping himself in Seokjin's sheets -
It tugged at him, the gross, inside voice that thought - hey, maybe Jungkook could stay there, maybe Jungkook could stay the night, maybe if Jungkook had to take his outside clothes off he didn't have to actually wear anything else to be in Seokjin's bed, maybe he'd look even better than Seokjin imagined, maybe he'd let Seokjin drink soup from his collarbones.
So Seokjin, being an idiot, said, "Yeah, sure."
Jungkook's eyes brightened. "Seriously?" he asked, flipping around to face Seokjin. "You will?"
"Yeah," Seokjin said, closing his eyes. "Because I'm...repeat after me, here, Jungkookie, the best hyung."
Jungkook rolled his eyes. "So like, now?" Jungkook asked. He sat up on the bed. "I mean. I'm ready now. If you are."
Seokjin shook his head. "No, no, no. You can't just..." he waved his arms around. "Who is this for, anyway?"
"Oh!" Jungkook smiled. "Uh, he's really cool. A little awkward, but that's okay. It's cute. And he's really handsome."
Seokjin nodded, pretending to consider. This guy sounded terrible. "As handsome as me?" he asked, cupping his face. He fluttered his eyelashes at Jungkook. Jungkook winced.
"Uhhh...." Jungkook paused. "Maybe?"
"Well," Seokjin said, leaning back on to his chair. Clearly no one was as handsome as him, but he'd let that drop. "Does he deserve you?"
Jungkook rolled his eyes again, hands fisting in Seokjin's brightly colored sheets. "You say no one deserves me, hyung."
"And I'm right," Seokjin answered. "So just... think about if you actually want to date this guy, okay?"
Jungkook crossed his arms, pouting. "That's not the problem."
"Tell hyung," Seokjin said, opening his arms wide. It was awful, every time Jungkook pouted. Then he did really want to kiss him, see if his pout went away.
Jungkook sighed, flopping back down on to the bed. "I just... I don't know if he likes me back. He's... sort of weird."
"What kind of weird?" Seokjin asked, "like, dangerous stalker weird? Because I've got to say, Jungkookie, you're not painting the best picture of this guy."
Jungkook laughed. His whole body shook when he laughed, including his legs.
He had, incidentally, very nice legs.
"Not murderer weird, hyung. Just... awkward. Like you."
"I've never been awkward a day in my life," Seokjin squawked, waving his arms. He jammed his elbow into the desk and winced, hoping Jungkook didn't see. "And anyway, it sounds like you're not actually sure about this guy."
"I'm certainly starting not to be," Jungkook muttered into the pillow.
Seokjin nodded sagely. "See. This is why you have to wait. Tell you what, Jungkookie," he said, patting Jungkook's clothed ankle. "If you still want, after a week, I'll teach you how to kiss this guy. Just... spend a little time, make sure you're sure."
Jungkook sat up again, his hair mussed. Seokjin leaned forward, smoothing it down. "You promise?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Promise," Seokjin said, extending out a pinkie to swear on it.
Jungkook grinned. "Deal, hyung," he said, intertwining their pinkies.
A week. That's long enough for him to come up with a plan.
The plan is Yoongi. Yoongi, legendary kisser (and everything else, apparently), Yoongi, his soulmate, Yoongi, who would never abandon him in his hour of need. He barged into Yoongi's apartment without texting. It was two pm, he figured Yoongi would be up.
Yoongi was up, which was a win. Yoongi was up, sitting on his nearly bare ass, just in skimpy tighty-whities on a wooden chair, a spoonful of rice half-up to his lips, frozen as he blinked at Seokjin.
"Do the thing! The tongue-technology thing!" Seokjin said, without introduction.
Yoongi blinked, setting his spoon down. "What?"
"You need to..." Seokjin took a deep breath. "You need to teach me how to kiss people, because Jungkook wants me to teach him for some awful guy, and I have to be better a kisser than that guy, and then Jungkook will realize we're in love, and... "
"So you want me... to teach you how to kiss... so you can teach Jungkook how to kiss?" Yoongi asked, slowly. He pulled a white earbud out of his left ear. "Is that. Is that actually what you said?"
"Yes,” Seokjin repeated.
Yoongi put his headphones back in. "This seems complicated. And sort of dumb."
"Yoongi," he asked, grabbing his spoon and wielding it threateningly, "are you going to help me or not?"
Yoongi blinked at him, grabbing the spoon from his hands. "Probably... probably not, because I don't think Jungkook would like that very much, and I'm not dealing with another one of his crying sessions." He paused. "Also, I don't think Namjoon would, either."
Seokjin waved him off. "Namjoon owes me one, he knows I wouldn't want to kiss you on purpose, and... wait, why is Jungkookie crying?"
"I cannot answer that," Yoongi said. "Just... just talk to him, hyung. Seriously. Save us all the trouble."
Seokjin groaned, collapsing into the other chair. "Do you think he'll cry?"
Yoongi blinked.
"Like. Do you think he'll cry when I kiss him?" Seokjin asked.
"Is that... is that usually a problem, hyung?" Yoongi asked. He took the earbud back out.
Seokjin groaned. "You have no idea."
Seokjin can do this.
Seokjin is a grown adult. He's hot. He has a good job. He's got - mediocre to great friends, Yoongi downgraded to mediocre for his failure to help - And Seokjin can do this.
He read some articles about how to kiss properly. They mostly seemed to be about the vibe of the kiss, and Seokjin was pretty good at vibes. The technical instructions were really easy. Smash mouths together. Try not to smash teeth.
He could do this.
He wore his slutty outfit. Not, like, maximum slutty, Yoongi said that one would be too much, but he did wear the dangly silver earring that Yoongi said looked good, the pink hoodie that made his shoulders look extra broad, pale skinny jeans that clung to his legs.
And pink tinted lip gloss he snatched from Jimin. He looked good, wicked hot. Hot enough that probably, Jungkook wouldn't be able to notice that he had no idea what he was doing. Cool. Cool cool cool.
He paced around his apartment, cleaning up, dusting the books. Maybe he should check his bedroom again, make sure that everything was ready, just. Just in case.
Jungkook let himself in, kicked off his big stompy boots at the door.
That was fine. He was definitely fully emotionally prepared for this.
"Hey, hyung," Jungkook said, sitting down on the couch. "You want to..."
Kiss. Yes. Put mouths together. With his crush.Who definitely had a crush on someone else, and who about two days ago had whipped off his shirt in the middle of the living room (Seokjin modified his plan about collarbones to include cum gutters, too. He was adaptable like that), and then promptly challenged Seokjin to a push up contest where the loser had to buy the winner dinner.
Not like Seokjin ever had a chance, but it was worth it, for the chance to watch Jungkook's back ripple as he pressed down.
Seokjin is a fucking perv, and this is a terrible time to remember what Jungkook looked like shirtless, muscles aching, the little ah-ahs coming out of his mouth as he struggled, face all red.
He flushed. "Sure. Uh. Standing or..."
"Sitting is good," Jungkook said. "I mean. I'm sitting. So."
"Okay!" Seokjin said. Too loud. "Okay, so I'm going to sit down here, like, next to you, and then we're gonna...do you want me to like, hold your hand? Or something? What's the vibe here, Jungkookie?"
Jungkook blinked. "I, just. Whatever you want, really."
Seokjin leaned in closer. Jungkook was very close. He sort of had to be, but it still felt like too much, somehow.
He leaned in, hand tangling into Jungkook's hair. It felt really soft, silky against his hand. He'd touched Jungkook's hair before, why was he being so weird, god, Seokjin, get it together. Jungkook's mouth parted open, just a little, before Seokjin forced himself forward, pressing their lips together.
And he opened so so sweetly, lips soft and plush and lovely, so much more than he'd ever imagined, because his sad, late-night fantasies could never actually compare to Jungkook, sweet and pliant, moaning a little into Seokjin's mouth as he kissed him back, and, oh, oh, that was Jungkook's hand at his waist, Jungkook's hand rubbing against the crook of his hip, Jungkook's lips pressing firmly against his, the same little ah-ah sounds falling from his lips, and Jungkook's -
Jungkook's tears. On his lips.
Seokjin pulled back. "Are you... are you crying?"
Did he annoy a witch when he was a kid? Steal her food? Maybe play a prank on her?
Jungkook sniffled. "'M happy, hyung."
Seokjin sighed. "Please. Please tell me why you're crying." His voice sounded choked up, and god, is he going to cry? No, no, he's absolutely not going to cry, it's fine, his crush just...
"I just..." Jungkook sniffled again. Seokjin wiped the tears off his cheek. "I just wasn't sure, hyung, if you liked me back, because, well, you're..." he gestured. "Y'know. The whole mess, but then you kissed me like that and I figured you had to like me so -,"
"Hyung is an idiot."
Seokjin opened his mouth without thinking.
Jungkook cocked his head to the side. "What?"
"I..." Seokjin ran his hands through his hair. "Okay. Everyone who I've ever kissed cries."
Jungkook blinked. "What?"
"I... it happened when I was thirteen, and then when I was in college, so I just stopped kissing people, basically, because I was pretty sure I was cursed, and then I figured it wouldn't matter, like, I wouldn't really have to know, and then you wanted to kiss me and I've had this terrible embarrassing crush on you so I figured you couldn't know, and -"
Jungkook blinked at him.
"You could've just lead with the crush," he said, taking Seokjin's hand.
Seokjin nodded. "Yeah. I'm getting that, now."
"As for that curse..." Jungkook said, smirking, "I don't know. I think we should test it more, don't you?"
Seokjin laughed. "Do you promise not to cry this time?"
Jungkook leaned in, pretty pink lips nearly flush against Seokjin's, and whispered, "Try me."
Seokjin giggled, closing the distance and kissing Jungkook through his smile. Jungkook smiled back, the kiss soft, messy, their teeth clacking against each other as they smiled.
Seokjin laughed, pulling back and holding his hand to his mouth. “Wait, I can do better than that. I read articles, and everything.”
"Okay, hyung." Jungkook said, wrapping his arms more fully around Seokjin's waist, pulling himself until he was fully seated in Seokjin's lap, and, oh, wow, he'd done this before, they'd done this before, but it felt different, now. "Show me, then."
He did, soft and sweet and slow, until the afternoon sun dimmed, the light in the room turning dark, until Jungkook made little keening sounds against his thigh and pulled back, panting, all flushed pink and pretty. Definitely better than his fantasties.
"Want to stay, Jungkookie?" Seokjin asked, running his fingers through Jungkook's hair. Jungkook's head rested on his chest, his legs intertwined with Seokjin, all clinging together, so it wasn't clear where Jungkook started and Seokjin began.
Jungkook "Yeah. Yeah, I'd really like that, hyung."
Seokjin smiled, and kissed Jungkook again, a gentle peck.
He didn't cry, that time.