Archive of Our Own

The life of a college student wasn’t as easy-going as you thought. It wasn’t all frat parties and drinking, or having those fun little study dates with your friends. No, it was absolute madness. 

Your finals for the second semester are coming up and the stress has been getting to you, so much that it began affecting not just you but also your boyfriend of six months, Rintarou Suna. 

He seemed to be getting irritated by the number of times you’d run to him for comfort whenever you were stressed or having a mental breakdown over all your assignments. But you understood that Rin had a lot going on his own plate and he needed to take care of that too. 

“Rin, we should probably take a break for a bit, don’t you think?” You had suggested to him, thinking of it not as a temporary breakup but more of just not contacting each other as much as you normally do until you both got your shit together. 

You remembered him looking down at you, completely unbothered as he agreed without hesitation. At first, you thought nothing of it, at least that was until you tried contacting him a day later to check up on him and he didn’t answer. 

You tried again another day, but nothing, you got no response. It worried you a lot, so you decided to try calling him and after a while, he finally picked up. 

“Rin! I’ve been trying to-” 

“What do you want?” He cut you off harshly. 

Your eyes widened, surprised by his tone. “You weren’t answering my texts and I was worried.” You said, brows furrowed in confusion. “Did I do something wrong?” 

“You said we were taking a break, so why the fuck do you keep contacting me?” 

“I said that so we could focus on our studies…” You frowned. “You’re not mad are you?” 

“God, can you just leave me alone? I’m trying to work!” He raised his voice. 

You remained silent, heart-aching slightly as you absorbed the hidden message of his words. You’re being annoying, I don’t wanna talk to you so stop contacting me.  

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard him call your name, his tone was much more gentle this time. “Ah, I’m here.” You replied, masking the hurt in your voice. “I’m sorry about that Rin, I was just worried about you.” 

You heard him sigh from the other end of the line and you immediately knew he was going to apologize, but that was the last thing you wanted. He was only apologizing because he thought he hurt you, not because he thought what he said was unnecessary and wrong. 

“I’ll stop contacting you.” You cut him off before he could apologize. “I have to go do some studying, let’s just… we can save this for after we get our shit together yeah?” 

“No, that’s not-” 

“Bye, Rin.” You hung up before he could continue. 

A sigh left your lips as you stared at the scattered notes and revisions on your study desk. His attitude hurt you, sure, but you weren’t the type to cry over things like this. 

You knew you wouldn’t be able to focus on studying so you decided to contact your cousin, Shinsuke instead. The two of you were really close, in fact, he was the one who introduced you to Rintarou in the first place. They were in high school together and Rin was his junior. 

It wasn’t long before you heard a knock from the door to your flat. You stood up and headed over, pulling the door open to find Shinsuke standing there with a plastic bag in hand. You could already smell the food he brought. 

You grinned at him, wrapping your arms around him in a warm hug. “Did I ever tell you that you’re my favorite cousin?” 

“Yeah definitely.” He rolled his eyes playfully, a breathy laugh escaping his throat. 

He knew he was your favorite cousin, but he also knew you were saying that to flatter him too so that he’d bring more food to your apartment. You absolutely loved his cooking. 

The two of you sat side by side on the kitchen counter, snacking on his homemade sushi. “Why did you ask me to come over? I thought you were having finals.” 

“Yeah, well I couldn’t exactly focus on my studies so I decided it’s better to spend it with someone.” You replied, shoving another piece into your mouth, moaning in delight at the texture of the sticky rice in your mouth. 

“You’d normally call Suna for that.”

You froze at the mention of your boyfriend, trying to play it off cooly by shrugging your shoulders and swallowing the sushi roll. 

You opened your mouth, ready to come up with a lame excuse when Shinsuke cut you off. “I know that face.” He stared at you intently as you avoided his gaze. “What did he do this time?” 

“Nothing!” You denied a little too quickly as Shinsuke squinted at you. “We just got into a bit of an argument, that’s all.” 

He was less than satisfied with your lame response but decided to let it go. “Okay, I won’t pry into your business. But if he hurts you-” 

“Yeah, yeah. I know, you’ll beat his ass or some cliche shit like that.” 

He looked at you incredulously, “What? No! I was just gonna say that I’d step in if that were the case.” 

You stared at him, dumbfounded. It was moments like these where you forgot how rational and composed Shinsuke was, even in simple situations like these.

Finally regaining your composure, you shook your head, laughing quietly. “Yeah, that’s something only you would say.” 

“What do you mean?” He asked, his head cocked to the side.

You simply waved him off with your hand, a genuine smile on your face. “Never mind.” 

_________

The week had finally passed and you had just finished taking your final exam, the long-dreaded bio-mechanics exam, and you were sure that you had failed. It made you feel like absolute shit, adding to your already shitty mood after passing Rintarou in the hallway this morning. 

You thought he would at least greet you, but no, he simply passed you. It was like he didn’t even know you were there, and at this point, you honestly couldn’t tell if he’d done it on purpose. 

But since it was your bio-mechanics exam you decided to ignore it until after, and now was after, and your mood was absolute crap. You decided to let go of your pride this time and approach Rintarou once more. So you headed over to his building in search of him. 

He should be finished with his exams for the day so meeting him should be fine , you thought to yourself as you weaved your way through the somewhat crowded halls.

You reached an empty hallway and spotted Rintarou’s classroom, both nervousness and excitement building up to finally talk to him again. He was the type of guy who’d always leave the classroom last, though you never really understood why. 

But the moment you peeked your head through the doorway, your heart dropped when you saw him hugging one of his classmates, she was crying in his arms and he was standing there, comforting her, something he should be doing for you. 

Your mouth was left hanging open, you didn’t know what to say. It’s not like he was cheating on you, but he might as well have been. 

His eyes finally met yours as they widened visibly, but you simply allowed your gaze to fall to the ground, shaking your head in both disbelief and disappointment as you turned around and walked away. 

With every step you took away from that classroom, your heart sunk lower and lower. He had been treating you so coldly, and yet here he was, offering such warmth and comfort to another classmate as she cried in his arms. 

_________

You sat alone in your dark apartment, your desk lamp and laptop screen were the only things that illuminated your surroundings. You didn’t know what to do, you were still left in shock and surprise.

It was about eight in the evening and you had been receiving calls from Rintarou nonstop, but you didn’t answer. 

You wanted to answer the phone, you really did. But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Why? Was it because you wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine? Or was it because you were afraid, afraid that the moment you picked up the phone, he would end things between the two of you. 

But maybe that’s what you needed, to end your relationship with him. But the thought of doing that alone sent a sharp stab into your heart. You loved him, you really did, but you were torn on what to do. 

However, all those thoughts came to a stop when you heard a knock on your door. You had a feeling you knew who it was, but you didn’t know if you should answer. 

The knocking didn’t stop and it began to bother you, so with a defeated sigh, you stood up from your desk with what little energy you had left inside you, trudging your way to the front door.

The moment you pulled it open Rintarou stood right there in front of you, his hair was a mess, like he had run his hands through it a countless amount of times out of distress. His eyes looked red, but you were convinced it was simply your imagination. 

You looked no better, your hair was also a giant mess and your eyes were red from suppressing your tears. You stood there in a loose set of sweatpants and a hoodie that you didn’t even realize was Rintarou’s. 

“We need to talk.” He muttered, his voice was weak, dry, almost like he’d been crying.

That’s impossible. You shook your head, getting rid of the thought as you stepped aside, allowing him to enter your flat as you switched on the lights. 

You closed the door, turning around to face him, your expression was tired as you crossed your arms over your chest. 

He stood in front of you, a hand running through his hair as he released a sigh. “About what you saw-” 

“Don’t.” You cut him off, shaking your head. “I don’t wanna remember.” 

He remained quiet for a moment and attempted to take a step towards you, close some of the distance between the two of you, but you weren’t going to let that happen so easily, so you stepped back, maintaining the distance.

A look of hurt flashed his eyes but you decided to remain ignorant, he wasn’t the only one hurting right now. 

“Why did you do it?” You asked, “Why did you hug her?” 

“She did really bad on the exam so I just-” 

“You what?” You cut him off, your voice hardening. “You decided to comfort her? Is it your duty to do that?” 

“She’s my classmate-” 

“And I’m your girlfriend.” You snapped. “Yet when I came crying to you, you pushed me away! You ignored me and shrugged me off and treated me like I was a nuisance. ”

His hand reached out to you as he took another step forward, trying to reach you, but you took another step back, dodging him. His heart ached. “Please-” 

“What? Now you apologize because you feel guilty? Do you even know what you did wrong?” You scoffed, pointing at the door, “Get out.” 

His eyes widened as his breathing became unstable. “W-What?” 

“Get out. I don’t want you here anymore, we’re done.” 

“N-No- Y/N-” 

“Leave!” You raised your voice, tears brimming your eyes. You could feel your heart break, you didn’t want him to leave, but you needed to save yourself, save your heart from any more pain. “Leave, Rin.” Your voice wavered as your shoulders slumped, defeated. 

“Y/N please!” He grabbed your hand but you pulled back immediately.

“Don’t touch me.” You growled. 

He shook his head, he didn’t want to leave, he didn’t want to lose the person he cherished the most in this world. 

“Fine.” You turned around as his eyes widened, “If you won’t leave, I’ll find another place to stay.” 

You were about to pull the door open, walk out of your own home when you felt his arms wrap around you tightly from behind. You struggled, tears spilling as you tried to get him to let you go, but he shook his head, his arms tightening around you. 

It was only when you gave up struggling against him that you realized his body was trembling against yours, his breathing was erratic and unstable, like he was struggling to breathe. 

"Rin?" You became worried, turning around. “Rin, look at me.” You demanded, his face buried deep in your shoulder. 

He refused, his body continuously trembled and his breathing nowhere near stable. You finally managed to get a glimpse of his face, but only for a moment before he hid from you again. It was only then that you noticed what was happening, he was having a panic attack. 

Instinctively, you wrapped your arms around him, shushing him comfortingly as one hand rubbed circles on his back while the other went up to run through his hair. The moment he felt your comforting gestures, his walls finally broke down as he collapsed in your arms and the two of you sunk to the floor, broken sobs wracking his body as he pulled you closer. 

“I’m sorry I’m sorry,” He repeated brokenly. “Don’t leave me, please don’t-”

“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay. Breathe Rin, I’m here. You’re gonna be okay.” You hugged him closer to you as more tears spilled from your eyes. The two of you were so close that you could feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

You were so convinced that he didn’t care for you, but the moment you threatened to leave him behind… It’s still difficult for you to comprehend that you caused this, and you couldn’t help but feel guilty. 

“Deep breaths Rin, you’re gonna be okay. I’m here.” You whispered, pressing a gentle kiss on his head as you could feel him slowly but surely calming down. “I’m not going anywhere.” You muttered into his hair, leaning your head on his. 

_________

With a bit of luck, after about half an hour on the ground, you finally managed to bring Rintarou to your bed. You had your back leaning against your stacked pillows as Rintarou had his arms wrapped around you, his head resting on your chest as he laid down between your legs.

You didn’t know when he had passed out, but you were thankful that you finally managed to get him to calm down. It hurt your heart seeing him so weak and fragile, it was the first time you’d ever seen Rintarou react so badly to something. He had always been the more composed one between the two of you.

Although the problem between the two of you wasn’t completely solved you couldn't help but focus on taking his pain away first. You were still angry that he hugged and comforted his classmate that way, but at this point, you at least knew that whatever happened back there was something that would never repeat again. 

You cursed yourself for letting him off so easily, but at the same time, you were happy. You finally got the reassurance you needed that Rintarou truly loved you, though it wasn’t the best way of finding out, you were happy. 

“Y/N?” He called out to you, his voice was rough from all the crying he’d done earlier. 

“I’m here, Rin.” You replied softly, kissing his forehead. “Are you feeling better?” 

He remained quiet, as if he was too tired to answer. 

“You can go back to sleep, Rin, it’s okay.” You reassured him, threading your fingers through his hair, pressing another kiss to his head. “I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.” 

He finally looked up at you, his eyes and nose were red, and tear stains marked his cheeks. “I love you.” He whispered, lips quivering. 

You smiled, running a hand through his hair as you leaned down, connecting your lips in a soft, gentle kiss. “I love you too.” 

“I’m sorry for what I did.” He apologized, burying his face in your neck as he took in your scent, it was his comfort space, he had always done that even in the past, it was a small way of him telling you that he was upset. 

“I know, it’s okay.” You let your hand play with his hair, “Don’t do it again.” 

You knew he wouldn’t, but it wouldn’t hurt you to say it aloud, it helped you feel more reassured. You never realized that throughout your relationship, Rintarou was a lot more attached to you than you were to him. But it never showed until now because this was the first time the two of you had such a big fight.

The fight you two had earlier probably hurt him a lot more than it hurt you, but you didn’t realize that. You didn’t realize how much it hurt him when you created distance, whenever you stepped away from him and dodged him, you didn’t realize his heart broke a little more every time. 

And when you were about to leave him, that was his breaking point. He couldn’t even imagine not being with you, and seeing you about to walk out the door struck a chord in his heart. It was an immeasurable amount of pain that he never wanted to feel again, that was what set his panic attack into motion. 

He looked up at you, admiring your face. He thought you were beautiful, everything about you was perfect to him, your smile, the way you handled yourself in front of others, your dedication in everything you did. But most of all, it was the way you loved him so deeply that had him hooked onto you. 

You had him wrapped around your fingers and you didn’t even know it, but this time he was determined. Determined to show you just how much he truly loved you, and he promised himself that from now on, not a day would go by where he would allow you to ever question his love for you ever again. 

It’s not easy, and tonight's events taught both of you that relationships aren’t always going to be easy. But you were both determined, no matter what happens, the two of you would get through it. Together.

He placed a soft kiss on the side of your neck. “I love you so much, Y/N.” 

And you smiled, “I love you more, Rin.”