Work Text:
They'd kissed. He'd kissed him. It had happened so suddenly, and so quickly, that Alexander struggled to remember what it was really like. What Dorian's lips had felt like, tasted like...He was in too much of an odd shock to really analyze it.
But it had happened. Whether or not the moment had drawn them to it, or if all their little flirtations had finally reached their mark, Alexander was wide awake in his room droning on and on about it. What did it mean, where did it come from, was it just due to the drama...? Alexander hadn't been kissed in years. Quite literally. He'd been touched, prodded, and pressed upon, but not kissed. And this wasn't like any he'd ever had.
Alex had kissed both men and women in his life, and up until now they'd been people he hardly cared for at all. But Dorian. Dorian...
Alexander knew he was in deep already, without Dorian's home life coming into play. Ever since he'd met the man, Alex had been obsessed to a degree he feared at first. But when Dorian seemed to share the same strange interest, Alex let himself hope.
He realized, laying in bed, that he hadn't hoped for this. For a momentary blip of passion, cut off by remaining anxiety and sadness, and an awkward call to duty. Dorian had seemed eager, at first, but once their lips parted he was apparently set on drinking himself into a stupor and staying alone. Alex was sadly called to business as well, and before he could suggest anything or ask a question they were separated.
And now Alex had no idea what to think. He'd thought their flirting was a silly little thing to pass the time, and then he'd felt something more. He'd hoped Dorian had felt it too, and now he thought maybe he did, but now...he was overthinking it.
Alex sat up and ran a hand through his hair. The night was clear, and even through the stained glass windows he could make out the dark, starlit sky. With a sigh he leaned on his knees and drooped his head. He could admit he'd never been in love, but he'd had those butterflies before, those distracting thoughts. And he was a romantic at heart. Watching Dorian with his father, and hearing the horrible story that set him to running from Tevinter, somehow made Alex all the more mad to have Dorian in his arms. There was something about that softness, and the way Dorian spoke of living a lie as if it killed him, that broke Alex in half and just made him want to hold the man. Dorian's sad expression showed such an odd amount of softness that Alex just...
It was a whole other side to the man. Alexander had seen Dorian be caring and kind, concerned with the down-trodden and desperate to help the world. But this? Dorian had always seemed like a rock. A teasing, taunting, sarcastic rock, but strong and defiant. This personal problem lit such a fire in him that, at the time, Alex had actually been afraid of Dorian. He'd watched Dorian yell, wide-eyed, as he stood there in full armour, and Alexander was scared! But then the truth came out, and there was a small hitch in Dorian's voice that had Alex ready to pull him out of that tavern and just run with him to wherever he wanted to go.
Alex hadn't ever guessed that, underneath Dorian's watchful and analyzing eyes, underneath the humour and the pride, lurked the butchered soul of someone who had suffered.
Maker have Mercy, Alexander was a sap. Hopeless in all manner of...love? Surely it wasn't to that point, and yet here he was sitting wide awake without any hope of sleeping. With one person on his mind.
What were they now? Was there a label? Could there ever be one?
And did there need to be?
It had never seemed as if they were going in a certain direction. All their flirting, all their time spent together, had made them close. But how close? Alex guessed he probably had an answer now, but he was still so concerned that it was a moment of weakness. He could tell, just by the way Dorian kissed him and held him, that Dorian wasn't one for physical comforts. But maybe he needed them. And maybe it wasn't a one time need.
Alex groaned. He kept running over the same issues in his head, solving the problem at one turn and then reopening the wound the next. Like a ghost, Alexander was thinking all this to himself as he put on a pair of trousers and a loose fitting shift. He was drifting down the stairs and out to the main hall quite literally as if someone had called him, all the while lost in his thoughts. Why did it matter what they were? Perhaps this could just be fun? Maybe that was all they needed, but maybe it would become more.
Skyhold was dark, but a few little sconces still offered Alexander some walking light. What shocked him most was how dead it all was. There wasn't a soul to be found in the main hall, and in the distance he could hardly hear a sound. Nothing echoed but his footsteps as he made his way to the little tower stairs, and it wasn't until he stood below, vaguely curious as to where Solas was, that he heard another sound.
Music.
Somewhere above him, high in the darkness and nearing the rafters, someone plucked at the strings of a lute lazily. Alex stared up and up, listening and waiting, but if he expected anything to change he was wrong. And again almost against his better judgement he was moving up the stairs quietly. The music echoed around him, and gentle light was flickering beyond. Once he reached the Library, the moonlight pooling in from the arched windows around the space, he realized this had been where he wanted to go all along.
And now the music was perfectly audible, and Alex was almost smiling as he walked forward to try and spy the musician. It took hardly any time at all, and as Alexander peered around a bookcase into Dorian's reserved little alcove he melted at the sight.
Dorian sat in the high-backed chair with one leg crossed over the other, a lute in his nimble hands, and a melody on his fingers. He craned his neck down to see the strings he plucked, and his hair was just a little bit disheveled. He was dressed similarly to Alex, suggesting he too had been trying for sleep when the urge to roam the old stone walls came upon him.
As Alex watched, he wondered what it was that had drawn him out of bed and absently towards the library. Most likely the mere chance of seeing this exact image, or this exact person. He came around the corner a little more, hands at his sides nervously, until Dorian noticed him in the moonlight. He looked up in shock for a moment, stopping in his playing abruptly, but then his face turned to something like pleasant surprise.
Dorian gave his classic smirk, but his eyes weren't in it. "And what brings you up here I wonder," he said, looking back down at the instrument in his lap and fiddling with the strings once more.
"The same reason as you, I suppose," Alex said with a little shrug.
Dorian gave a bitter laugh. "I hope not," he joked darkly.
Alex frowned. "Couldn't sleep," he clarified, coming a little closer and leaning his shoulder on a bookshelf. Dorian nodded slowly as he continued to play, taking such deep and slow breaths that they sounded like a sigh. "I didn't know you played," Alex said gently after some time had passed.
"Did you think I just had a lute here for the view?" Dorian mused, and when he smirked up at Alex, Alex didn't return the light-heartedness. "Shockingly," Dorian stated, "music was one thing my father never restricted. I got lessons from a young age. Gave it up a while back, though."
"Why?" Alex asked. "You play beautifully."
Dorian's bitter smirk turned to an almost real smile. "Can't really travel well with a lute. Also, I felt like it was an awful noble stereotype at one point in my life," he chuckled.
Alexander finally grinned. "I always wanted to learn to play."
"Hah, Point made," Dorian laughed.
Alex smirked and gave his eyes a slight roll as Dorian played. It was slow and elegant, but practiced, as if Dorian had only recently figured out this particular piece. Alex looked up after a moment. "I know that song," Alex said.
"Of course you do," replied Dorian. "That woman in the tavern loves to play it when you walk in."
He frowned. "Why do you say that?"
Dorian smiled at him. "She feels like it's about you."
"It's not about me," said Alex like a little boy.
"It might as well be," Dorian said. "In all honesty, it very well could be."
Alex tilted his head as Dorian easily plucked away at the melody. "Did you learn that since you've been here?"
"Yes."
"That's amazing," Alex said.
Dorian chuckled lightly. "Such things you say," he mumbled. "I haven't been idolized so much in quite some time." He paused in his playing and looked up at Alex as he stared down on him. "Your fawning over me is doing wonders for my depleted confidence."
Alex laughed. "Can your confidence ever really be depleted?"
"I wear a hard shell, my boy, you'd be surprised," Dorian said.
Sadly, Alexander gave a little nod. "I think I can understand that now," he said, and Dorian avoided his eyes. But Alex stared at him all the same. "You didn't seem eager to discuss it today."
"Nor am I now," Dorian interrupted. His voice was stiff, but he wasn't rude, and Alex wanted to drop the topic. He almost did.
But..."I just feel like I didn't tell you enough that I'm sorry," Alexander said, finally looking away as well.
Dorian was staring out the window and his fingers were still. "And why would you be sorry?" he asked, his voice low and dark.
"It's not a pity thing," Alex clarified. "It's a sympathy thing."
He looked at the side of Dorian's face for a moment before the other man finally turned to him. "What-" He started off strong, but faltered for a moment. With a tilt of his head, Dorian attempted to look brave and casual. "What was it like at home," he wondered, "for you?"
Alex blinked. "For me what?"
Dorian frowned and looked unimpressed. "Well I imagine we're past the secrecy of 'what do we like'," he said. "What was it like preferring men in a noble household?"
"Oh!" Alex said, his cheeks flushing. Luckily, in the dark, Dorian barely noticed. "Oh well...For me it..." Alex shrugged and fumbled for the right explanation. Even with all their flirting, and the fact that they'd kissed, Alex felt exposed now. "I didn't really come out with it ever. No one ever asked and I was never betrothed or anything. My brother was the one everyone looked to, and when he joined the Templars it turned to me. Nothing ever really came of it, though. The Conclave happened too quickly I think."
Dorian narrowed his eyes. "I feel like you're not being honest with me, but I'll take your excuses for now," he sighed. "Maker knows if I don't want to discuss my private affairs, I can't ask you to."
"I don't mind telling you," Alex said. "I'd tell you anything if you asked."
Dorian smiled a slow, blossoming smile that gradually turned to wickedness. "I imagine you would."
Alex took a deep breath in and looked away. His chest felt constricted here, and he was fidgeting more than usual.
"Am I putting you off?" Dorian asked gently, and Alex's head whipped back to Dorian's eyes in a panic.
"No," he said too quickly.
Dorian chuckled. "You are far too easy to frazzle. It's very endearing and endlessly amusing."
"Stop it," Alex smiled with a blush, feeling like an idiot entranced.
Dorian just laughed more. "Look at you," he chuckled, but when Alex looked up through his lashes Dorian's laughter slowed. Alexander was stunning, and it wasn't the first time Dorian really realized that. He saw him as a baby-faced youth most times, but every now and then Alex would give him some look or make some stern comment that painted him as anything but young. Now was one of those times. He looked absolutely breathless, and Dorian had his eyes locked to Alex's for longer than he intended.
At last, Alex blinked and released him, and Dorian cleared his throat just lightly.
"Have you been drinking?" Alex asked after a pause, catching sight of an open bottle near Dorian's ankle.
Dorian uncrossed his legs as if to hide the alcohol behind his feet. "Only in an attempt to push myself towards sleep," Dorian said, but Alex disliked the reasoning no matter what it was.
He knew what drink could do to a person.
When Dorian caught Alexander frowning, he sighed, "I'm not in the mood to discuss that either," he said stiffly, absently pricking a string so it vibrated against the wooden body of the lute.
Alex sighed but left it alone. There was an odd tension between them that felt like a tight wire, much like the string of that lute. Alexander didn't want to be the one to make it shake.
Suddenly, as if someone had been badgering him about it, Dorian sighed and leaned his head back in the chair. "Look, about today..." he began.
"You don't have to explain," Alexander said in an almost fearful voice. "Please. I'd prefer it if you didn't." Though he wanted all kinds of explanation before, Alexander was now a little too terrified to hear the truth.
And Dorian could see that. "You...would rather I not explain?" he asked skeptically. "You seem to like explanations, and you seem to be more nervous than usual around me, so I thought I would help."
Alex hesitated. "I thought you liked making me nervous."
Dorian's face turned to something shockingly soft. "Not always." After another little exasperated sigh, Dorian went on. "I'm sorry if I caught you off guard. I thought that...It seemed as though you..."
"I wanted you to," Alexander blurted out as Dorian searched for the right words. He made the other man look almost taken aback, and Alexander bit his lips into a hard line. "I-I have wanted you to. For a while."
"Really," Dorian purred sensually. The "sex" in his voice had been replaced by something sweeter, something softer, that Alexander wasn't used to. But somehow it made his confession easier.
Alex smiled innocently. "I don't flirt aimlessly," he said, and Dorian grinned wider than Alex expected. "I was only worried that it...was a one time moment. Today. I don't want it to be. I don't want it to be just because you needed someone and I was there, or that you felt obligated or...Maker, I don't know." Alex sighed and Dorian listened very patiently, all the while still smiling gently. Dorian set the lute down and stood up nice and slow, all the while staring at Alex with purpose.
Alex felt his heart start to hammer, and he actually leaned back into the bookshelf like he could hide there among the spines. Dorian approached him at a glacial pace, and he gave a breathy laugh when he saw Alexander gulp. With a very gentle hand, Dorian reached out and put his fingers at Alexander's hip, feeling the muscle that threatened the bone. Amazingly, Dorian was just a fraction taller than this massive warrior before him, but at this proximity Alex actually felt like Dorian towered over him.
What killed Alexander completely was Dorian's face. At first it had been an amused, silly expression as always, but the moment he touched his side Dorian's face shifted into one of pure simplicity and light. There was no joke ready on his lips and no witty comeback forming in his eyes. The armour he wore to shield himself from the seriousness of life was absent, and he looked at Alex with a softness Alexander hadn't known before.
"Thank you," Dorian breathed, his lips so close to Alex's that it physically hurt. "For being there for me when I had no one else to turn to." He put his other hand on Alex's other side and moved a little closer. His eyes were so sincere..."For telling me the truth, and not letting me be ambushed by it. For just...being kinder than anyone I've ever met."
Alex's chest was heaving, and his eyes were half veiled as Dorian leaned in closer and closer. "You are glorious," Dorian breathed, "and it was not a one time thing." In the next moment Alex's head was shooting foreword to press his lips tight against Dorian's. Dorian gave a little sharp inhale at Alex's need, and his eyes closed instantly. His mouth melted against the younger man's, and his hands tightened on Alex's hips, pulling close. And even though Dorian was the aggressor in this moment, and even though he was perhaps the more confident and determined, he felt safe here. For once, Dorian felt completely safe in his own body and with his own actions.
They kissed so deeply, and with such a slow and gentle passion, that Alex completely forgot about everything around him. He barely remembered why he'd been kept awake all night, and he couldn't even feel the bookshelf digging into his shoulder blade. All he felt was Dorian, in every sense of the word, pressed against him and holding him close. As he found his courage, Alexander snaked his arms around Dorian's waist and let his hands dangle, just gently brushing the strong curve of Dorian's backside. It was an exciting feeling to have him, so close and tight like this, after dying for just a glance for so long.
They touched each other everywhere, slowly, as if letting the feeling linger wherever their fingers trailed. Their lips only parted for breath, and their eyes only opened to share a momentary heated stare. Little moans escaped them both, suggesting how desperately they each needed the other, and in the darkness of the dusty library they were perfectly alone.
Dorian stopped with a little exhale, breathing heavily as he leaned his forehead against Alexander's. "I'm sorry," he mused with a smile. "I keep taking you by surprise."
Alex smiled back, blinking as the heat slowly left his cheeks. "I'm only surprised by what I don't know about you," he breathed.
Dorian gave a little laugh and let his hands slide back down to Alex's hips. "I do like to stay interesting," he mumbled.
"I don't think you could be anything but," said Alex, tilting his head up to meet Dorian's darker eyes. In the dim light he could barely see the shine in them, but it was there. For a long moment they just stood in each other's arms, looking in each other's eyes and then away over and over. They shared small, breathy laughs in the darkness before Alex licked his lips and said, "I don't know what to say now."
Dorian chuckled. "Perhaps goodnight?" he suggested without a harsh tone anywhere in his voice. "Before I ruin this completely, which I'm prone to do."
Alex smirked. "You wouldn't do that though," he said.
Dorian smiled. "I'll try my best, I can promise you that." He gave Alex one last, incredibly soft kiss before walking with him to the main hall. There, they parted ways with blushes for each, and as Alex climbed the stairs back to his room he regretted, just for a moment, not asking Dorian to follow.
But once he was laying there in bed he realized that that would have ruined this. Alex didn't think that now, once he'd tasted Dorian on his lips, he would still want to take things slow. Well, slowish. As slow as Dorian could go. Alex had imagined himself falling into the abyss that was Dorian's charm and never coming out. But he smiled to himself with his eyes closed and his breathing peaceful, thinking about the moment that had been, and relishing just the simple idea that Dorian too was laying in bed with a soft smile.
That was enough for tonight.