Chapter Text
"Not leaving yet? Aren't you running late for your morning class?"
Jimin startled when Jeongguk's voice rang across the room, making him jump on his seat. He pressed a button on his phone to unlock it and check the time.
"Oh," he whispered, staring dumbly at it. He was indeed late for his class. It was 8:45 am, he fifteen minutes late, but he couldn't get himself to move from where he was sitting on their bed.
Their bed.
Jimin still found it hard to believe that he was living with Jeongguk, his boyfriend of two years. He couldn't believe he got himself a boyfriend, let alone it being Jeongguk, college sweetheart and the best man he could have ever met.
Jeongguk was so out of his league. He had no idea why Jeongguk even wanted to date him in the first place.
"Hey," Jeongguk said, voice gentle, and then he was kneeling in front of Jimin, taking his hands in his.
Jeongguk was fresh out of the shower. He was only wearing his sweatpants, chest bare and his skin was slightly red from being rubbed, damp hair falling over his face, peering up at Jimin with his pretty brown eyes. Still, his abdominal muscles protruded and he was just the right type of tanned, making him look as if he came straight out of a magazine.
Handsome, always so effortlessly handsome. Jimin's heart clenched.
Jeongguk's first class didn't start until 10:30 am, but here he was freshly showered a couple hours before.
After living with Jeongguk for almost a year now, Jimin learned that he liked being productive. No matter what time he slept, he'd wake up at 7 am everyday and follow his routine; eat his pre-meal workout, work out, shower, and prepare their lunchboxes if he had extra time. Jimin had no idea how he could manage to do all that when most of the time, he didn't even have the energy to wake up in the morning.
"Are you okay?" Jeongguk asked, and he was so perceptive that Jimin couldn't hide anything from him, but that didn't mean he wouldn't do it anyway.
It was one of those days where Jimin just felt...down. Like a hole had been punched out of his chest and nothing could fill the gap. It was one of those days where the things he wanted to forget and get over with kept bothering him and bringing him down. It was one of those days where he felt so much doubt about himself that he felt like he was drowning in those insecurities. Days like these were the hardest on him because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t feel content with himself, and he knew he was lucky and he should feel happy, but he just couldn’t.
"Yeah, I'm okay," he lied, forcing out a smile. With the way Jeongguk sighed, he could tell his boyfriend knew it was fake. But he didn't push, he never did.
He got up on his knees and sat on the bed beside him. He reached up and tucked Jimin's blonde hair behind his ears. He had dyed it last week after hesitating for so long. Jeongguk had encouraged him, told him he would look pretty in any color. Jimin liked it at first, he thought he was pretty too, but that thought was gone as soon as it came.
"You know I love you, right?" Jeongguk said, searching for Jimin's eyes but the latter kept his eyes trained on his lap, didn't know if he could look at Jeongguk without tearing up. "I love you, okay?" He repeated when Jimin remained silent.
Jeongguk always did that; remind him of how much he loved him. As if Jimin often forgot, and he had to get it through his thick head. In a way he was glad because he indeed needed reassurance.
"I, uhm, yeah. I know," Jimin choked out, wincing at how unsure he sounded.
Jeongguk decided that was enough. He tilted his chin up with his fingers and placed a chaste kiss on his mouth. Jimin's cheeks reddened, and he felt like a teenager. Even after two years, Jeongguk still had that effect on him.
"Do you feel like not going to your classes today?" Jeongguk asked, a fond look in his eyes as he looked at him.
That sounded great, skipping classes and not going to school, but at the same time it sounded like a nightmare. He'd rather be in school instead of being holed up in their apartment, tearing himself down with his intrusive thoughts. Well, he'd still have them even if in class, but at least he'd get things done and be more distracted.
"No, I need to go," he replied, chewing on his bottom lip, Jeongguk followed the gesture. "I'm, uh, just gonna have to sneak into my class."
Jeongguk laughed, pushing Jimin's hair back that was falling into his eyes, then caressed his cheek. It was quiet for a few moments before he said, "You're pretty."
Jimin spluttered and looked away from Jeongguk’s gaze, the latter remaining with his eyes trained on Jimin, but Jimin still was not used to the sudden compliments. "I- thank you."
Jeongguk pressed another kiss on his forehead before grabbing his arms and helped him stand on his feet.
"Don't forget your lunchbox," Jeongguk reminded him because Jimin kept forgetting. Jeongguk loved to cook and it saved them the money—the food the cafeteria sold cost three times more than it was worth. Besides, Jimin loved the food his boyfriend prepared. He once told him that he should build his own cafeteria. "It's—"
"On the kitchen table, I know," Jimin smiled, a genuine one, for the first time that day.
He didn't deserve him.
As always, Jeongguk walked him to his school which was a 10 minute walk from their apartment. Every day they would argue about it. Jimin would say that he could go alone, and that Jeongguk should rest and get ready for his classes, but Jeongguk never backed down and insisted that it was okay, that he loved walking with him. Jimin wasn't sure what was so interesting about their walks, it wasn't like they talked much. He didn't even let Jeongguk hold his hand in public, afraid of drawing unwanted attention to them.
Jimin supposed Jeongguk got used to it. Walking Jimin to and from home to school, it was something he had always done, even before they started dating.
They met when Jimin was a sophomore and Jeongguk was a freshman. He was two years older than Jeongguk but Jimin started school a year later than he should. They went to different colleges. Jimin studied literature for free in a public college while Jeongguk studied medical technology for his pre-med course in a private one.
They met through Youngmin, a mutual friend.
Jimin had asked to meet up with Youngmin at a cafe near the latter's school because he had asked for a favor. He borrowed Youngmin's older sister's books who also studied—and had graduated—literature in the same school as Jimin. It would save Jimin some money to not have to buy books he wasn't going to use the next year anyway.
When Youngmin arrived at their meeting place, Jimin wasn't expecting him to be with someone, and that was when he met Jeongguk.
A week after that, Youngmin had called him and asked him if he was fine with giving Jeongguk his number. Apparently, the boy had asked for it. Jimin was taken aback but he managed to stammer out a yes, nodding even though Youngmin couldn't see him.
As soon as the call ended, he had received two messages from an unknown number. Jimin could still recall, they read:
hi hyung, it's jeongguk
is it ok to call you hyung? youngmin hyung told me you're older than me :)
Jimin hovered over his phone's keyboard for a while, unsure what to reply. He'd never been good at texting, or anything that had to do with socializing.
Hello! And yes, it's okay.
You can call me hyung.
That was how they’d started talking.
Surprisingly, Jimin realized he hadn't even had to try so much. He had no idea how they could talk so much in the beginning when they barely knew each other. Conversations came easily with Jeongguk. They texted every time Jimin had time, sometimes Jeongguk called him. Two weeks into their daily texting and occasional phone calls, Jeongguk had asked him to meet for coffee. In his panic, Jimin quickly rejected the offer, much to Jeongguk's dejection. But the next day, he was the one to offer it and if he heard Jeongguk's muffled screams over the phone, he didn't mention it. Jimin liked to think he got him.
Who wouldn't be happy to have a new friend?
Their first meet-up went really well and they texted and talked through the phone even more often than they did before, and met almost everyday after finding out that their schools were half an hour away from each other. Jimin was pleased, more than anything because he had found a friend. He barely had anyone who he could call that. It was his fault though. He wasn't the best at socializing and he pushed everyone away.
But Jeongguk was different.
Jeongguk had this lightness surrounding his aura. He always had a gorgeous smile plastered on his handsome face. He was gentle with his words, respectful. He was care-free, a go-with-the-flow kind of person. Jimin forgot about all his worries when he was with him, and for a while he could smile and pretend everything was alright, at times he even felt like he was better now that he had someone to lean on.
Six months into their friendship Jeongguk started showing up in front of his school wearing his signature bunny smile that made him look so young. And then without Jimin realizing it, Jeongguk was walking him home every single day.
He had no idea where Jeongguk lived exactly, but what he knew was that it was the opposite way to his house. He didn't bother asking either because he saw no point in it, maybe secretly hoping this wouldn’t ever stop, so he just let it happen. He enjoyed their walks anyway. He appreciated the extra time he got to spend with Jeongguk. As cheesy as it might sound, he was his human charger, who he needed when he was feeling down and without wanting to do anything at all.
During one of their walks, Jimin was particularly quiet. His mind had just been bogging him about a lot of things recently. Jeongguk noticed his aloofness and stopped walking, grabbing his wrist.
"What's wrong? You've been so...quiet," he said. Jimin wasn't that talkative but he wasn't that quiet either.
"Oh, nothing. Just...thinking."
"About what?"
"Nothing important."
"It must be important if you're so bothered," he said, eyebrows knitted in worry.
Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, "I don't get why you're doing...this."
"What?" Jeongguk asked, genuinely confused.
"This. Befriending me, walking me home, being so nice to me."
"Can't I? You're my friend, you're important to me. Do I really have to have reasons to care for you?" Jeongguk said, a little frustrated. Jimin deflated, maybe that wasn't the answer he wanted.
Jimin sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry I'm just—"
"—hyung, I like you."
"—Really tired—what?" Jimin's eyes were wide with shock.
Jeongguk what?
"I have liked you for a while now," Jeongguk confessed, scratching the back of his neck.
"I—you do?"
Jeongguk laughed before nodding. "Why do you think I asked for your number? Asked you out for a coffee? Wanted to be your friend? Why do you think I've been walking you home for months when I live an hour away from your home?"
"Because, uhm, I'm your friend?" Jimin said, avoiding Jeongguk's eyes and feeling himself go red.
"Hyung, how can you be so oblivious? And here I am thinking I can't be any more obvious than this!" He said, laughing fondly at Jimin.
Maybe Jimin had tried to purposely ignore the signs for a long time. The way Jeongguk glanced longer at him while they walked, averting his gaze hastily when Jimin turned to look at him, or the way he would stare at him when they were out eating. The way Jeongguk's eyes would often fall to his lips when he was talking. Or how he would always come up with silly jokes to make him laugh, or the way he would slow his walking so they could be together for a while longer.
Jimin ignored the signs because he thought maybe it was just his mind playing with him, making him think that Jeongguk actually liked but in fact, Jeongguk did like him.
He had ignored it because why would Jeongguk like someone like him?
Jeongguk was everyone's ideal type: tall, handsome, smart, funny, kind, and a gentleman. He was popular. Everyone liked him, may it be as a friend or a potential partner. Jimin couldn't blame them, Jeongguk was practically perfect.
Jimin's initial reaction was joy because, wow. Jeongguk actually liked him. The person he'd been secretly harboring feelings for for as long as they had met for the first time. But then again, maybe he was just kidding. He was such a simple person, someone invisible, an outcast. He couldn't possibly be serious.
"If this is a joke, then it's not funny," he said curtly before walking away, but Jeongguk was quick to catch up to him and block his way.
"I'm dead serious. I just didn't know what to say, I was scared of how you would react. I-I don’t even know if you feel the same." Jeongguk reached for his arms and brought them closer until they were only two feet away from each other.
In lieu of an answer, Jimin wrapped his arm around his body and pulled him so they were front to front, and turned his face on Jeongguk’s chest. Jeongguk immediately wrapped his arm around his waist with one hand while the other stroked his back.
"I really like you, hyung."
“I like you too.” Jimin whispered.
A month after Jeongguk's confession they started dating, and Jimin couldn't be anymore happier. Jeongguk was a good friend, but even a better boyfriend. As opposed to his initial thoughts, Jeongguk was never afraid to show him off. He'd go to Jimin's school during his breaks and wait until Jimin was free so they could eat together. They'd sit across each other as they ate in peace, sharing dumb stories to make each other laugh in between bites of food. Sometimes for even a full week that was all they could have due to their conflicting schedules, but he wasn't complaining. Seeing Jeongguk and his contagious smiles was more than enough.
Almost a year into their relationship, Jeongguk asked if he wanted to move in with him. Jimin hesitated and asked for a bit of a time to think about it. Since they both lived alone, away from their families and rented apartments, it would save them both some money to live together and split the rent. They could see each other more often and Jimin wouldn't have to suffer from secretly missing his boyfriend too much. After a week, Jimin called him and told him he was fine with it, that he'd loved for them to live together. They soon found a perfect place for them. It was a small apartment with one room and two beds, perfect for two people, and it was only 10 minutes away from Jimin's school and half an hour from Jeongguk's.
Jimin thought he would have a hard time adjusting because he wasn't used to being around or living with someone. He thought they'd clash and have fights but no. Jeongguk made it so easy to live with him. He was very considerate, as usual. Jimin wasn't a messy person but he often forgot to do things, and got distracted very easily. He never snapped at Jimin for not washing the dishes or not cleaning the sink or forgetting to empty the trash. He never got mad at him even when he loved being tidy and he would find Jimin's socks under their bed, sometimes on the kitchen floor. Jeongguk would simply come up to him and remind him to do it next time, and even if he forgot again, he'd just remind him...again.
Living with Jeongguk made him fall in love with him more every day, if that was even possible.
Jimin realized just how good of a person Jeongguk was, and how lucky he was to have him.
Jeongguk had been acting strange lately. Jimin couldn’t pinpoint exactly what changed but he had been...withdrawn and restless. He wasn’t as chatty as he usually was, and his smiles were a little forced. Jimin had been with him for a while so he could tell something was off. He could tell something was bothering him so when they were laying in bed after a long day, Jimin decided to ask.
“Is something bothering you?” he asked, lying beside his boyfriend, cheek squished against his chest.
“No.” Jeongguk answered too quickly for it not to be a lie.
“Are you- are you sure?” he hesitated, peering up at him. “You’ve been kind of...detached lately. Did I, uh...did I do something wrong?” he bit his lip in worry.
“What? No, no, no, baby. It’s not that. I promise,” he said, pulling Jimin up to bring him closer and held him tighter. He ducked his head down and pressed his lips against his. "Don't think too much about it."
Jimin nodded, but of course he was going to think about it. He couldn't not think about it when the following week, it only got worse.
Jeongguk was talking to him even less. He normally talked Jimin's ears off before they slept at night. He would get so playful and sweet with him, would tickle his sides and whisper sweet nothings against his ears, would pepper kisses all over his face before they slept, but now, he barely looked at him. Jimin tried not to be too bothered about it. Jeongguk was busy, he probably was just tired and stressed about his studies, and whatever was bothering him, that he wouldn't tell Jimin, was probably eating him away, but Jimin tried to be patient with him.
He couldn't not think of it when Jeongguk seemed to suddenly be texting someone so much. He always went outside to answer the calls, as if Jimin wouldn't find out. Despite the strong urge to snoop into his boyfriend's phone, he didn't. They didn't do that because they trusted and respected each other's privacy. It bothered him so much though. Jeongguk had never been like that. Nevertheless, he pushed it to the side and ignored it the best he could.
Jimin was in bed, rereading his favorite book of poems collection for the umpteenth time, when the bedside table suddenly vibrated, startling him. It was Jeongguk's phone, he was in the shower and he left it in their room. He ignored it in favor of continuing the book but it kept on vibrating that he just couldn't ignore it anymore. Sighing, he put the book down on the bed and stared at the phone. Jimin contemplated. Should he? What if Jeongguk saw? What if he got upset at him? What if—
He decided to just fuck it and take a look when it vibrated one more time. He wanted to just get over with it, he wanted to prove himself wrong for the sake of his sanity. Being left in the dark had been driving him crazy.
With shaky hands, he reached out and took the phone. He pressed the power button so the phone would light up and he wished he hadn't as soon as he did.
Jaeya
I need u here, pls come. I can't do this anymore I...
The message was cut short. It was the only message he could read from the preview since the phone was locked, and that was enough. He put the phone back exactly how it was before. Suddenly, his favorite book wasn't that interesting anymore and his chest felt tight, like his heart was beating in his throat. Why were his hands clammy? Why… Why couldn't he feel them?
Jimin placed the book inside the drawer, laid down on the bed and pulled the blanket over his head. It could be anything, he shouldn't overthink it. This was nothing. Yes, nothing he kept repeating himself.
When he heard Jeongguk get out of the bathroom, Jimin tried to stay as still as possible and pretend to be asleep. He felt Jeongguk hover above him before the blanket was pulled down from his head and a kiss was placed against his cheek after.
Jimin just hoped he didn't notice the wetness in his cheeks.