Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PART ONE

"I MISS YOU"

Sunny didn’t like his new house much. Living in the city felt exciting to him at first, but it was just too busy. Between the roar of cars on the highway late at night and the absence of stars in the sky, he could never feel truly at home. It was almost summer, and he would be returning to Faraway Town for a time soon. He wasn't sure if he should feel excited or scared, right now he felt both.

Sunny was seated on his bed, his CD player quietly humming Hateful of Hollow . Sunny had gotten into music this last year. Not playing, but listening. He had begun amassing a small CD collection. Linkin Park, Blink-182, and Coldplay filled his shelf. It was something that made him happy. On his desk sat a bulky PC, and a small monitor beside it. He didn’t use it for much, aside from schoolwork and his own personal writing.

His desk was littered with clutter, but amongst it sat a bright green cactus. Basil had asked Polly to give it to him the day he left, and he promised to take good care of it. Sunny had no intentions of breaking any more promises and he did his research on taking good care of plants. In fact, a hefty book sat on his bookshelf about caring for various kinds of flora. Basil had recommended it of course, and he made sure to read it front to back. Though, some chapters were pretty boring.

On his nightstand was a sketchbook, with various doodles in it. Some serious, some not. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he was getting better at art. It proved to be a good escape for him. He still had a hard time being alone and confronting his reality. Drawing provided a safe outlet. A realistic face seemed to peer at him, and he shut the book before standing up. It was 2 AM now. He was still staying up too late. Old habits die hard, he supposed.

His chest felt tense as he saw the time. Being up late always stressed him out, but he couldn’t seem to force himself to sleep earlier. He did the only thing that seemed to make him feel better when he got like this; he picked up his Nokia.

(2:33) hi. are you still up?

It was a long shot, but Basil was a few hours behind. It’s not impossible Basil was having a late night.

(2:34) I am. Why are you, Sunny? Are you okay?

He was always worried about him. A small smile visited his face for a moment.

(2:34) im okay, sorry to worry you. trouble sleeping is all. you should get some sleep soon too, midnight is late for you.

(2:34) I was about to, don’t worry. Are you sure that you’re okay? 

(2:35) i just wanted to check in is all. hows your new plant?

(2:35) Great! Here, look!

There was a small pause before a barrage of pictures came through. Most were blurry, but a few of them you could make out details, although his room was dark. It looked like a flower had grown out of the plant. 

(2:36) It’s spring, so it’s blooming, as you can probably tell! It’s only going to get more flowers as it grows.

(2:36) thats awesome basil. i cant believe it bloomed already.

(2:36) I know! Me neither!

(2:38) :)

Sometimes Sunny didn’t know how to keep a conversation going. He hated it; he loved to talk to Basil. He just had a hard time talking over text. He initiated the conversation! Why is he letting it die?

(2:43) Anyway, Sunny. I should be getting to sleep. It was nice talking to you. Please text or call me if you need me, I’m always here. Goodnight!

(2:43) goodnight, basil. thanks for talking to me tonight. :)

Sunny sighed and put his phone down. Took him too long to reply. Regardless, talking to Basil always helped him feel better, though he missed him already.

He didn’t talk to his other friends as much. Sometimes Aubrey and Kel would reach out to him, but it felt forced. Maybe it wasn’t, but he didn’t trust them enough yet. He felt like they hated him.

Secretly, he hoped that they would all keep the promise that they made that day, and never let anything come in between them again. Still… they never could have known just what was coming. 

Hero still hadn’t contacted him, so he knew for a fact he hated him. That’s okay. He deserved it.

His therapist told him he wouldn’t deserve it if he was hated, but Sunny didn’t buy that. Surely what he did warranted hate.

He started getting therapy shortly after he moved into the city. His mom said that it would be good for him. Most of his time spent out of his house was with his therapist. It took a few different ones, but he finally found one that he felt kind of comfortable with. He didn’t tell her too much. She knew the basics of everything, but Sunny mostly just used her to talk about whatever was on his mind. Missing his friends, what Basil told him that day, what he had for dinner. It was kind of like having a friend that was being paid to talk to him.

That’s depressing.

He swallowed, his throat felt rough. He needed water. He opened his door, and slowly crept through the house towards his kitchen. Walking through the hall, he came face to face with an old family photo. Just him, his mom, and Mari.

His skin felt cold, just as it always did seeing her.

His mom had known all along. Or, at least had suspected something. She forgave him and loved him still. She said she had forgiven him a long time ago. Dad was a different story. He missed him. He missed Mewo too; his dad took her away with him. Sunny figured he didn’t deserve Mewo anyway. She wouldn’t forgive him.

His mom didn’t like his dad very much anymore. What happened had completely broken them. Sunny still felt guilty for it, but his mom reassured him it wasn’t his fault, and his dad was just an “old douchebag”. Her words, not his.

She says if his dad had tried they could have stayed together. Sometimes she admitted that he could have been right about some things. She let Sunny become a hikikomori, while his father wanted him to get out of the house. Sunny appreciated that she let him do that, but understood it's possible it wasn’t the best for him. Still, he certainly wasn’t in any condition to function in public. He hardly was today. 

“Hindsight is 2020”, as his mom always says. It’s easy to say what’s right after it happens. Sunny thinks he turned out okay. At least, okay as possible.

He still hoped he could see his dad again one day. Or maybe he would at least let him see Mewo. He talked to his mom a lot about Mewo. She said that she would see what she could do. Sunny wasn't optimistic. His dad probably didn’t trust him.

He took a deep breath, and stepped away from the photo, continuing to his kitchen. It was too late to keep thinking about those things. He was going to spiral. And when he spiraled, he wanted to call Basil, and he could never burden him like that. Sunny would be okay tonight.

He took a glass and filled it from the tap, before beginning his lonely trek back to his room. He kept his eyes glued to his destination, and made it to his room with no distractions. He took a small sip and sat the glass on his nightstand, beside his sketchbook. A pencil rolled off the table and bounced off of the floor with a "clack". He yawned. The day was catching up to him. He pulled his blanket up to his chin, and slowly closed his eyes. He was having trouble sleeping again lately. Nightmares plagued his unconscious mind. Because of his bad dreams Basil had sent him a small plush of a dog, and Sunny held onto it tight every night. Basil said it was Hector. Sunny didn’t see the resemblance, but he appreciated it nonetheless. Hector still seemed to like him, last he saw anyway. And this tiny version of him definitely liked Sunny, he cuddled him every night.

He had a big day tomorrow. Well, it was a big day for him. His mom wanted him to go shopping to try to find some new clothes, especially since he had a trip coming up. He also had a test to take, the GED in fact.

He didn’t want to go back to school, and Basil had told him about the GED, and how he could take a test instead of going to High School. Because of that, he’s spent the year on and off preparing. Still, his mom didn’t feel comfortable with just that, so she enrolled him in an online school. It wasn’t too bad, and he didn’t really have to talk to anyone. Except when a teacher made everyone say hi. But that wasn't the worst. He had just finished the school year this last week and made straight A's. Though, it wasn't exactly very difficult stuff. He liked learning, and his favorite subject was English. He wanted to write more. He’s hoping to go to the community college back by Faraway. As long as Basil goes there anyway.

His eyes shut slowly, almost against his own will. He never feels tired until it hits him all at once. His breathing slows, and his mind starts to drift. Visions of his friends fill his mind, as they do every night. He’s going to see them again soon, for better or for worse. He hoped everyone is okay with seeing him. He doesn’t want them to hurt him.

---

Sunny had a hard time finding clothes that he liked, but his mom found some for him. He didn’t want to keep wearing the same old vests and shirts he always had. He bought some T-shirts with designs he thought were stylish, and some with band logos. Maybe Basil would think that’s cool? Sunny didn’t really know what was cool. Though he was fairly certain the plain button-ups and khakis his mom picked weren’t the coolest.

He did find some black jeans that he liked. His mom thought they were a little ”emo”, but he thought they were good. They had small rips above the knees. They were his new favorite.

His mom said that was just him growing up, and he was finding his own style. He didn’t have to be “cool”, he just had to find things that he liked. She reassured him Basil would like anything that he liked. 

While he was out he found a green sweater with flowers on it, which he bought to give to Basil when he saw him. It seemed like something he would like, and Basil always wore sweaters. 

He did okay on the test, he passed in the ninetieth percentile, which his mom said was really good. She made him steak for dinner to celebrate. He couldn’t believe that he thought she would hate him. It felt like she loved him more every day.

Still, Sunny was back where he seemed to be every night. Sitting alone on his bed, his phone in his hand, contemplating texting Basil. He must be so annoying to him. Today he actually had an update, so he went through with the text.

(12:22) hey! i just wanted to let you know we decided on the day im coming back in town. ill be there in two weeks, the first day of june. im not sure how long im staying yet, my mom says that we'll figure it out. are you still okay with me staying with you and polly, or should i figure something else out?

After Basil’s grandmother passed away, Polly chose to stay with Basil as kind of a permanent caretaker. Basil’s parents remained absent, so when his grandma died he was left with no one. That was really hard on Basil, Sunny had tried to be there for him as much as he could be while adjusting to his new home. It was lucky that Polly was nice enough to stay with him. Sunny was so grateful to her. His phone buzzed.

(12:24) Of course it’s okay! We have a spare room, but you could also sleep on my floor or on the couch or something. Polly said that it’s fine! I’m so excited to see you, that’s just a little longer! 

(12:25) okay, thank you basil! im excited to see you again, ive missed you a lot. texting just isn’t the same :(

Sunny liked to use emoticons; ever since he learned about them he's made frequent use. Mostly just smiley and frowny faces, but he thought they made his texts a little more expressive.

(12:27) I miss you too, Sunny, it won’t be much longer now. I hope you can stay for a while! How did the GED go, by the way?

(12:27) good, i think. i passed anyway. my mom made me steak because of it. i should be able to go to that college now.

(12:27) Have you applied to it? It isn’t very hard, and they should still let you in.

(12:28) i havent yet. i wasnt really sure how, i wanted to wait to see you so you could help me.

(12:30) Of course! It isn’t hard, I’ll get everything all set up for you. Don’t you worry about it, Sunny.

(12:30) thank you, basil. you’re the best. :D

The smiley face was a lot happier than he really felt, but he liked to think it made Basil happy to see. He didn’t like it when Basil worried too much.

Sunny yawned, it was only 12:30 AM, but he was already tired. He had been out a lot that day though, it always took a lot out of him. He would probably be going to bed soon, especially since Basil’s spaced-out texts made it seem like he was sleepy as well. He stood up from his bed and began to walk towards his bathroom. He hadn’t been brushing his teeth as much as he should be, but he felt motivated today.

He spit the toothpaste out and looked up at himself in the mirror. He’d gained some weight since last summer. He was still skinny, but he didn’t look sickly. His face was more full than before. His black hair hung down past his neck. He hadn’t gotten a haircut in a while, he should do that before he left. Thick strands of hair fell in front of his eyes, and he could hardly recognize himself anymore. He gazed at his one good eye as it peered through his hair and he felt his heart freeze up. Something was looking at him. For just one brief moment he saw his sister looking back at him. He started to shake the more he stared at himself. That wasn't him. He didn't know what that was. He forced himself to turn away from his reflection, and he flicked the light off, before heading back into his room.

He needed a haircut.

(12:37) i dont like seeing myself.

He wasn’t sure why he confessed that to Basil. Especially since it was so juxtaposed with his last text.

(12:37) What happened, Sunny?

Basil replied immediately. Sunny paused. 

(12:38) nothing. i was just looking in the mirror and thought that. its scary.

He looked down at his hands, flipping from the back to his palm.

(12:38) i dont feel real sometimes.

(12:39) I understand that, Sunny. It's normal enough, I experience it anyway. You should try to talk to your therapist about it, I'm sure that she would know how to help. But it's okay if you don't want to, I'm always here to listen to you. 

He didn’t like to talk to his therapist about things like that, but maybe Basil was right. He would only see her one more time before he left for Faraway town, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try to figure out what’s going on.

(12:40) maybe, idk. thank you though. im sorry for bothering you. i think i would rather just talk to you.

(12:40) You’re not a bother. I wish you’d talk to me more, Sunny. I worry about you. You can talk to me as much as you'd like.

Basil had enough going on in his life. Sunny knew he must feel much worse than he did every day, but he never talked about it. Sunny should try to make him more.

(12:41) youre a hypocrite you know.

(12:41) I’m okay.

(12:41) i worry about you too. promise youre okay.

(12:42) Only if you do.

(12:42) promise.

(12:42) Promise.

Sunny took a deep breath. He was starting to feel a little bit better.

(12:43) okay. thank you, basil. i think im going to try to get some sleep now. you helped me a lot tonight.

(12:43) Goodnight, Sunny. Sleep well. 

It was funny how such a short conversation could help Sunny feel so much better. Basil’s promise helped too. Lately, he’d been worried about him. Basil does so much for others but he carries so much pain in his heart. Sunny didn’t do enough for him. He hated himself for that.

He laid down again, tucking himself in.

He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the week ahead. He had to reach out to all of his other friends, and let them know he was going to be back in town. He hoped they wouldn’t get mad at him. 

He stared at his ceiling. Sometimes, when it's pitch black like it is tonight he can see colors and shapes dancing above him. Images of a different world and time. A place that he feels that he's been before, but is always just out of reach. A sense of yearning tugged on his heart as he mourns the world he can't remember. A world full of friends that he has long since abandoned.

He closed his eyes again.

Just two more weeks.

Chapter Text

It was early in the afternoon, and Sunny had only woken up an hour ago. It was the obvious consequence of all the late nights he’s been pulling lately. His mom was out for the day running a few errands, so he would likely have the house to himself until dinner time. He wouldn’t be surprised if his mom brought home something for them to eat, she never liked cooking too late.

His stomach felt tight at the idea of dinner, he’s had a hard time eating lately. That’s something he hasn’t mentioned to anyone.

He sat at his desk and turned his computer on. He had to pass the time somehow, didn’t he? He had procrastinated on telling his friends he was going out there all week, and he knew it was only getting closer until he had to let them know. He would do it today… he just needed a little time to prepare.

He signed into his computer and began his daily ritual of checking his email. It's not like anyone ever emailed him, but sometimes there were promotions from games he liked or school information he needed to read. It mostly just gave him something to do every day. He always read every email. He waited for the webpage as it slowly loaded. The internet out here wasn’t the best, but at least it was better than in Faraway town.

Finally, the page loaded, and all of the sudden his body went numb.

Hero wrote him.

Sunny.

That’s all the subject was. His hand shook over his mouse as he forced himself to open it. He had to look. He couldn’t run from this, not when it was right in front of him.

Sunny, it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, huh? I asked Kel for your email, I hope that that’s okay.

I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything to you at the hospital, or anything until now. The truth is, it was a lot for me to take in. It still is.

I miss Mari. But I think we all do. It isn’t fair for me to hold this against you. Not when everyone else is trying to fix things between us. I haven’t heard the end of it from Kel lately. Even Aubrey’s been on my back.

Sunny didn’t know how to take that. His friends really did care about him, didn’t they? And they were trying to convince Hero to talk to him again… Maybe they didn’t completely hate him like he thought they had.

I still don’t know how to feel about what you and Basil did. I don’t know if I ever will, honestly. But, I do know that I made a promise that day, just like you all did. I’m not a fan of breaking promises. Mari never was either.

I don’t think that she would want this for us. She wouldn’t want us to be broken apart by a mistake.

I know that that’s all that it was. A mistake. You two were young.

I don’t know if I can ever forget it, Sunny. But I want the group to get back together. I’ll be back in Faraway town soon. I hope to see you when I’m there, but I understand if you can’t make it. Or if you don’t want to.

I hope to see you soon.

 - Hero

Sunny stared at his screen, reading the message again and again. He blinked, and he realized how dry his eyes had gotten. How long was he sitting there reading that email? He took a deep steadying breath. Hero didn’t completely hate him.

Still… What if it was a trap? Hero wouldn’t do that, right? He wouldn’t lead Sunny on. That wasn’t him.

He shook his head. He had to trust him.

He placed his shaking hands over his keyboard.

SUBJECT: hero

dear, hero

No, that’s weird. Too formal.

hi, hero.

i was actually going to try to contact you this week. i am going to be back at faraway town this summer, i am going to be staying at basils house.

He paused, he didn’t know how to word what he wanted to say.

i miss you hero. im so sorry for what i did. i know that you will never see me the same.

Maybe that was too much. He erased it.

i hope that we can still be friends like you said. but i want you to know i completely understand if you can’t keep your promise and if you hate me.

but, if you don’t change your mind, i’m looking forward to seeing you again, hero. i miss talking to you. youre a really great friend.

see you soon

sunny

Sunny sighed, and looked at his finished email. Was saying he was worried Hero hated him unnecessary? It was true, so he didn’t think so. But was the email too short? Hero seemed like he wrote more. He bit his lip, he couldn’t second guess himself or he would never get this email sent. His cursor hovered over the send button before he squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to click it.

Well, at least one of his other friends knew he was going to be in town now.

(1:37) hi basil. hero emailed me.

He had no one else to go to.

(1:39) Really? What did he say? I haven’t heard from him…

(1:41) he said that he wants to see me again if im in town. he also said that he knows what we did was a mistake, but he doesn’t know if he can ever forget it.

(1:42) but he still wants to keep his promise and stay friends with us.

(1:45) Oh… that makes sense. I’m surprised he wants to talk to us at all. Me particularly… he must really hate me.

Sunny held his breath. He never knew what to say.

(1:46) we both made the mistake together, basil. you’re not any worse than i am

(1:48) I am thogh sunny. Im a lot wors

(1:49) basil, hero said that he wants to see us. its all going to be okay, i promise. he doesnt hate us.

(1:50) Ok. :)

It scared Sunny when Basil got like this. It didn’t take much to send him down this path. Sunny clenched his fist, why did he say anything? He should’ve known that it was going to hurt Basil. Sunny could’ve handled this himself. He took a deep breath and called Basil.

“Sunny?” his voice was hoarse and Sunny could hear him taking short breaths, “What’s up!”

There was a forced enthusiasm in his voice that Sunny was all too familiar with. Basil never seemed to understand he could see straight through him. He was his best friend! Basil needed to trust him.

“Basil…” it was the first word he’d spoken that day, and his throat was rough. He licked his lips nervously, “It’s okay.”

He paused, listening to the sound of Basil’s breathing. It was only getting worse. He had to make this better.

“Hero reached out to me first. He didn’t say anything bad about you, I promise. I can even forward the email to you. He knows what you did was just a mistake, Basil. He doesn’t hold it against you, I know it.” Sunny’s body felt cold, he knew that Hero would never hold it against Basil, but what about him? He shook it off, he needed to focus on Basil.

It was still hard for Sunny to talk so much at once like this, but he steeled himself. He had to do everything he could to help Basil.

“I don’t deserve that, Sunny!” Basil forced out, “I-I don’t want him to forgive me. Not after what I did. I don’t want to see him again. I don’t want to see any of you again...”

The words resonated all too well with Sunny, it felt like his heart was split in two. Did Basil think Sunny hated him too? Maybe there was a time Sunny blamed Basil for what happened, but that was long ago, and it was one of his biggest regrets.

“I… I’m the one that did the bad thing,” Sunny replied, unable to bring himself to really say what happened, “Not you. You were just trying to make it better. He understands that. I know he does. If he hates anyone, it’s me.”

Probably wasn’t the best thing to say.

“No! Sunny… no one can hate you.”

“Basil.”

“Sunny…” His breathing was only getting more shallow, Sunny needed to do something.

“It’s okay...” Sunny paused, “How’s that plant doing that you showed me last week. It was blooming, right? It only had one flower though, does it have more now?”

Basil always liked to talk about his plants, sometimes it helped to calm it down. It was a long shot today, but it was worth a try. Talking about Hero was only making things worse at the moment.

“Oh... yeah! It actually has bloomed a little more… Let me look.. Hang on…” There was the sound of shuffling and soft footsteps, “Yeah… There are more flowers blooming now! You know, these remind me of you. They’re tulips… ha… I’m sure you’re tired of hearing that though.”

Basil never seemed to get tired of reminding Sunny that he was like a tulip. He didn’t mind, it brought a smile to his face every time.

“You’re like a sunflower, Basil.” Sunny knew Basil wanted to be like a sunflower, and he reassured him as much as he could he was just like the flower.

“Do you really think that, Sunny?” his breathing was getting slower, Sunny could tell he was starting to calm down, “Am I like a sunflower?”

“You are.” Sunny affirmed, “Always facing the sun. It’s going to be okay, Basil. I promise.”

Sunny didn’t mind being the one to reassure Basil it was going to be okay. Traditionally that was always Basil’s job, and Sunny didn’t like that. He wanted to be there for Basil in the same way that Basil was there for him.

“Thank you… Sunny,” he took a deep breath, “Thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, Basil.”

“Are you sure Hero doesn’t hate me?”

“I’m sure of it.”

Sure as he could be anyway. He didn’t doubt Hero could be angry with both of them, but Basil particularly? No way. Never.

“Are you sure… you don’t hate me? Basil murmured.

Sunny felt tears sting his eyes, and he blinked them away quickly. He took a deep breath.

“I could never hate you. I promise”

There was silence for just a moment.

“Okay, Sunny. I think I’m better now,” Basil let out a small laugh, “You always seem to know, don’t you?”

“You’re my best friend. That’s my job.”

“I guess so.” he paused, “Well, Sunny. I’ll let you go now. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay. I have to go and water some of the plants in my garden. I’m already a little behind today. It’ll keep me busy.”

Sunny smiled, “Okay, Basil. Stay safe.”

“I will. Bye, Sunny.”

“Bye, Basil.”

Click.

Sunny set the phone down and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Basil was doing better. That’s all that mattered.

But now he was gone, and Sunny was left alone with his thoughts. His hands were still shaking from earlier, but he forced himself to get up out of his chair and leave his room. He had to force himself to eat something, maybe it would distract him.

He just couldn’t get the image of meeting Hero again out of his mind. Is this how Basil felt? Basil must have felt so much worse.

Before he knew it he was standing in front of his fridge. When did he get here? He hardly remembered walking down the long hallway. He swung the door open and grabbed a gallon of milk.

His eyes darted around the kitchen before he found what he wanted, a new box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It might be a little late in the day for some people to make cereal, but Sunny liked it, and it was easy on his stomach.

He poured himself a bowl and sat down at his dining room table alone. There were only two other seats at the table, one for his mom, and another for if Sunny ever had a “guest”, something that was yet to happen. Maybe Basil could come by someday.

If Mari was still here, she would sit there. There should be four seats, actually.

He ruined that though.

He picked up the bowl and carried it back to his room, setting it down on his desk beside his keyboard. Maybe he won’t get distracted by that kind of thing here.

He forced the spoon to his mouth. It’s always hard to start eating, but more so lately. Things have been getting hard again. Usually, after he gets the first bite in it gets easier. That was the case today, he realized he was starving. He’d hardly eaten the day before, and waking up late today put him at almost twenty-four hours since his last meal.

Before he knew it he finished the bowl, and he began his trek back to the kitchen. It wasn’t the most convenient way to eat, but some days were worse than others.

His mom didn’t like it when he let dishes collect in his room, and he didn’t like to worry her. He always made sure to wash every dish he used and put it away so as to not put any more burden on her. She worked long hours to take care of him, he wanted to make her life as easy as possible.

He felt guilty that he didn’t have a job to help pay the bills, but he knew he wasn’t ready. Besides, his mom would never let him do something like that to help out. She was far too proud, and far too protective of him. She was always adamant she could take care of him, and all he needed to do was focus on getting better.

He forced himself to look around the kitchen. He and his mom had made themselves a nice home. There was a TV in the living room, mostly used by his mom to watch dramas or whatever sitcom was currently trending, but sometimes they would both use it to watch a movie. Usually Sunny just sat in silence, but his mom never seemed to mind.

She always made him feel comfortable, and she’d make them both popcorn.

He always looked forward to their movie nights.

Mari should be there.

He shook his head.

His therapist said these kinds of thoughts were normal, and of course he grieved her and regretted that she wasn’t there. But she said that he can’t let them rule his life.

It’s kind of like survivor's guilt, she said. Everything he does he laments that he can do but she can’t.

Sunny didn’t want it to be him gone instead of her though, he wanted her there with him. He guessed that’s why she said it was “like” it. It wasn't exactly that.

He mentioned not feeling real to his therapist the day before, like Basil had advised him to do. She told him it was perfectly normal, especially for someone in his position. “Depersonalization” is what she called it. It’s nice to have a name to put to things.

He tried to clear his thoughts, he had things that he needed to do. He was going to be going to Faraway town in a week, he had to text his other friends and let them know. Or should he call? He didn’t know what was most appropriate. What if he called but they were busy? That would be embarrassing. But then he could leave a voicemail, and that might be easiest. Unless they call back...

He went back to his room and picked his Nokia off his desk, and began pacing back and forth. Aubrey, or Kel first? Which one is least likely to get mad… probably Kel. He could call Kel and ask about how to handle Aubrey.

Okay. That’s a plan.

He took a steadying breath and called Kel.

“Hey, Sunny!?” The surprise was obvious in Kel’s voice, “What’s up, dude! Nice to hear from you!”

Sunny had never initiated contact with any of his friends aside from Basil since he left Faraway, so it wasn’t a shock that Kel was surprised at his call.

Kel sounded older, over the phone it was almost impossible to distinguish his voice from Hero’s. It seemed like everyone was growing up and maturing, was he being left behind?

He couldn’t worry about that right now.

“Hi, Kel…” he started, “Um, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be back in Faraway next Saturday. I’ll be staying at Basil’s house. I just figured I’d let you know in case you wanted to meet up or something, but it’s okay if not... I just wanted to tell you.”

His heart was pounding in his chest as he waited for his friend's response. It was likely only a few seconds, but the silence felt like an eternity.

“Are you kidding! That’s awesome, of course I wanna see you!” his voice was obviously excited, “You said you’ll be at Basil’s house on Saturday? I’ll be there! Do Aubrey and Hero know?”

Sunny winced.

“Um… Hero just emailed me, so I told him I would be in town… I haven’t told Aubrey yet,” he paused, “Do you think she would want to see me?”

“Totally. She acts all tough about it lately but she misses you a lot. I can tell. Give her a call, trust me.”

Something about Kel’s tone reassured Sunny. He felt more confident about calling her.

“Okay, Kel. Thank you. I’ll let her know now.”

“Let me know how it goes!”

“I will, bye.”

“Bye!”

Click.

That wasn’t too bad. Maybe Kel was right, and Aubrey wouldn’t take it too bad.

He called her.

“Sunny?” her voice was concerned, “What’s going on, is everything good?”

“Hi… Aubrey.” He took a deep breath, he already talked to Kel and Hero, this wouldn’t be that bad, “I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to be back in town next week. On Saturday. I’ll be at Basil’s house… Kel and Hero already know. Kel will be there, I don’t know if Hero will. In case you’re wondering.”

She’d probably be wondering, right? He just felt so awkward talking to his old friends, he didn’t know what to say. He was always much better suited to being quiet.

“Really?” there was a hint of excitement in her usually harsh tone, “That’s actually really cool. Everyones gonna be back together again, huh? Count me in, of course I’ll be there.”

“Are you sure?”

He felt he had to ask.

“I’m sure. Thanks for letting me know Sunny.”

Sunny felt optimistic for a moment. It seemed like all of his friends were going to be there. Maybe it would be okay.

“No problem. I’m excited to see you all again soon.”

There was a brief pause.

“Hey, Sunny…” Aubrey began, “You’re okay, right? We never hear from you much. I worry.”

Sunny’s chest ached, he didn’t want to worry them. He just thought they hated him. He still did.

“I’m doing okay. I’ve been in therapy. It helps.”

It kind of helped.

“Okay. That’s really good Sunny, I’m glad to hear. We’re all here for you, you make sure you’re okay.”

“You too, Aubrey.”

“I’ll see you in a week.”

“See you.”

Click.

Everyone knew he was going to be back in Faraway town. His mom would probably be proud of him. Basil too. He went to text Basil.

(2:37) hey everyone know i’m going to be in town. i think everyone is excited.

(2:38) That’s great, Sunny! The gang is gonna be back together!

He sent Kel a quick text as well, letting him know Aubrey was excited. Kel replied with a short “Awesome!”.

Basil seemed to be back to his usual spirits, much to Sunny’s relief. He was worried Basil would have gotten bad again in the time he left him alone. Basil was strong, he was good at taking care of himself. Much more so than Sunny was. Sunny could be pathetic. He hated it.

They took care of each other. They never made each other feel bad for needing help sometimes. Basil was the best friend he desperately needed. He hoped he could be that for him too.

He texted his mom.

(2:45) movie night?

Chapter Text

“Won’t you just let him see her for a little while?”

Sunny stood outside his mother’s door, frozen. He had just meant to ask his mom for the suitcase she had bought so he could start packing before his trip, but it was obvious he shouldn’t go in her room right now. She must be on the phone with his dad, given by what he’d heard up to this point. It’s weird that his dad was so close to him, he could burst down the door and yell for him. One impulsive action and he could talk to his dad for the first time in years. 

He’d probably just hang up.

“Please. You don’t even have to do anything. I’ll pick the cat up and I’ll bring it back. It can all happen in one day. Sunny’s a good kid. You know him. You can trust him.”

There’s silence for a moment.

“Fuck you!”

Sunny is still petrified in front of the door as his mother aggressively swings it open. Her frustrated face immediately softens upon seeing him.

“Oh, Sunny. I’m sorry, you didn’t hear much of that did you?”

He shook his head. 

“I’m sorry, dear. That was nothing you needed to worry about. What did you need?”

“The suitcase.”

Sunny didn’t have to talk very much around his mom, which he appreciated. Other people would expect him to talk a lot, like his therapist, or when he had to call Kel and Aubrey. Sometimes he willingly made more conversation, like with Basil, especially when Basil needed his help. Regardless, it was always easiest for Sunny to keep it short, and his mom always understood that.

She nodded, “Of course, Sunny. I’ll go get that for you now.”

She turns around, rummaging through her room and closet. Apparently looking for it. 

“You know, I’m proud of you for starting packing so early! You’ve really grown to be such a responsible boy. A whole three days early!”

Sunny only nodded, though she couldn’t see it. She seemed to have a way of understanding him. He knew it was okay.

“Here it is!”

She came back with a large black suitcase. There was no way that he was going to be able to fill the entire thing, but she wanted to make sure that he could bring enough clothes. Especially since it was uncertain how long he was going to be staying back in Faraway.

She handed it off to him, “Okay, and all your clothes are in the dryer. They should be about done, so you can start packing them. You must be so excited to see all your friends again! It sounds like they all want to see you too, especially Basil.”

He nodded.

“I’m glad you two reconnected. You were always the best of friends. Not that you aren’t good friends with the others! You and Basil just have a bond.”

Sunny smiled and gave another small nod. That much was true. Basil had always been Sunny’s best friend. The bond they shared was unlike any other he had with the rest of the group. 

“I’ll leave you to your packing, Sunny. Don’t forget to bring that sweater you bought Basil. I’m sure he’ll love it.”

The green sweater was already folded up and sitting on the corner of his bed ready to pack. In fact, it was the only thing Sunny had ready to pack. He wanted to make sure he didn’t forget it, it was the most important thing for him to bring.

He got back to his room, and set the suitcase down in the middle of his floor, unzipping it and swinging it open. It almost looked bigger on the inside than it did from the outside. He gently placed the sweater inside of it. First thing done.

He sat down on his bed and looked around his room.

His mom had been calling about Mewo, hadn’t she? 

She had said she would see what she could do about letting him see her, but he didn’t expect her to actually call his dad. He couldn’t remember the last time the two of them spoke. Probably not since he left the house.

It didn’t sound like it went well.

He missed her.

(3:43) hi. i miss mewo

He did the only thing he knew to do. Text his best friend.

(3:43) I do too, Sunny. She was such a good cat. Why are you thinking about her?

(3:44) i think my mom was on the phone with my dad

(3:45) How did that go?

(3:45) she cussed at him. i dont think ill ever get to see her.

(3:46) Maybe he’ll let you someday, Sunny. People change. I’d stay optimistic if I were you!

(3:46) maybe. he doesnt trust me. he probably thinks ill hurt her. i cant blame him.

(3:47) You would never hurt a fly, much less Mewo! You love that cat. If he can’t see that, he’s ridiculous. You should’ve been the one to keep Mewo anyway, not him. 

(3:49) he probably thinks id kill her.

Why did he say that? It felt like his world froze around him. He thinks things like that all of the time, but to put it in writing? His phone shook in his hands. It felt more real now. Why would he put that on Basil? Why would he put that on himself?

He would never kill Mewo right? He squeezed his eyes shut, horrible images coming to his mind. He started to tear up. He didn’t want Mewo to die. He didn’t want to kill her.

He started to cry.

His phone kept going off. Buzzing, and buzzing. He couldn’t check it. He didn’t want to. He hadn’t cried in a long time.

He was a murderer. No wonder his dad didn’t want him around her. No wonder his dad didn’t want him around him.

He couldn’t force the images out of his head. A dead Mewo.

A dead Mari.

He felt like he was going to vomit. 

Everything came rushing back to him. He’d been keeping it at bay for the last few months, but he could tell he was getting worse again. He could feel it these last few weeks. The late nights and dark thoughts all caught up to him. The reality of what he did was crushing him.

He was a terrible person. He was irredeemable. He was ugly. He was a monster. He was a killer. 

His phone started to ring.

He shouldn’t pick it up. Why should he? It must be Basil. He would only hurt Basil. Basil only hurt so bad because of him. He shouldn’t get to go cry to him.

But… Damn it, he really needed to.

He picked up his phone again and answered it.

“Sunny?”

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t know if he just didn’t want to or if he couldn’t. The only sounds he let out were the cries he was trying to stifle. He wasn’t doing a good job at it.

“Oh, no, Sunny! It’s okay!” Basil always got that panic in his voice when Sunny was upset. It was comforting to Sunny, knowing that’s how much Basil cared.

“It’s okay! I’m right here, Sunny. Don’t worry! I’m not going anywhere! I know it’s hard to talk, don’t worry about it, okay! Just listen to me.”

Just listen. Sunny was good at that. Sunny had always been good at that. He used to always just listen to Basil as he talked. He would talk about his plants, how they were doing, good or bad. He’d tell him about school, and the classes he liked. The kids that were mean to him. The kids that bullied him.

He’d tell him about his parents, and how much he loved them even though they were never around. How much he loved his Grandma, and how great her cooking was. How grateful he was to have such an amazing group of friends. How appreciative he was of Sunny for being his best friend. How lucky he was Aubrey introduced them.

He could listen to Basil.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking right now, Sunny. I think I have an idea though. You aren’t a bad person. You would never, ever, hurt Mewo. You love Mewo, right? I bet all you can think about is cuddling her! Or about having her sit on your shoulder like she used to. She would purr so loud, wouldn’t she? And she was so soft, wasn’t she, Sunny?”

He smiled, and laughed a little bit through his small cries. Basil could always make him do that.

“See! I knew it! You just want to cuddle that cat.” Basil’s voice was so kind and reassuring, Sunny couldn’t help to close his eyes and listen. His breathing steadied, and he wiped his face off of his tears. “I promise we’ll find a way to get you to see Mewo again, Sunny. If it’s the last thing I do. I promise.”

“Okay,” Sunny finally spoke, his voice still weak. “You really promise?”

“Of course, Sunny. I know that Mewo misses you too. You were inseparable! Honestly, it’s a crime to keep you two apart for any longer.”

Sunny agreed. Mewo was always there for him when all of his friends were busy. She wasn’t technically his cat, but in a way she really was. His mom always pointed out how much they hung out with each other. Mewo would always sleep in Sunny’s bed at night. He missed that. 

“I miss her a lot.”

“I know, Sunny. She misses you too.”

“You think so?”

“I do.”

Sunny sniffled a little. How embarrassing, he felt like a child. 

“Thank you, Basil.”

The two just sat in silence for a moment listening to each other breathe over the phone. Sunny found himself subconsciously matching Basil’s slow, even breathing. It helped a lot. 

“Sunny… you’re my best friend.” 

It was such a simple sentence, one that Sunny had heard thousands of times before. It meant as much to him as the first time he heard it. Basil was always going to be there for him. He knew that. Or at least, he hoped so. He didn’t know what he would do without him.

“You’re my best friend, Basil. Thank you.”

“It’s only three days until you’re going to be staying at my house, Sunny. It’s going to be just like old times. I promise we’ll get all this bad stuff sorted out,” he paused, “I know it’s scary… It’s really scary to me, too. But… we’re going to make amends with our friends. Or find out if it’s possible.”

Basil hadn’t hung out with their old friends much since Sunny had left, he knew that much. Though, he didn’t think that was Kel and Aubrey’s fault. It was much more likely Basil was too worried that they would hate him. He was probably the one doing most of the avoiding, not that he could blame him. He would do the same thing. Still, they must interact every now and then, Basil still went to the same school after all. 

Basil also said that it was going to be like old times... Was that really possible? Was it possible for things to go back like they were? Without his home, without his old treehouse? Without Mari?

Without Mari…

No! The last time they were all together it was… nice. It wasn’t perfect, Sunny could hardly remember most of it, he wasn’t all there, but he knew it must have been okay. They all promised to stay friends… it must have been okay.

He had to trust that it would be okay this time too.

He had to trust in his friends.

“Okay. Let’s do it Basil. Let’s make new memories together, like you said before.”

“Let’s do it Sunny.”

Sunny took a deep breath. He was feeling a lot better now. He sat up and looked down at his empty suitcase. He still had so much to do.

“I’ve got so much to pack, Basil.”

“I’ll let you go.”

“Not yet.” 

Sunny wasn’t ready to be alone again. He wanted to stay with Basil for just a little longer. 

“Basil… what do you want to do when I’m there?”

“I want to go to Gino’s!” his voice was obviously excited, “I haven’t gone there in a while… I was hoping you’d want to. 

“I’d like that.”

“Also… if everyone wants to, I would really like to go back to our old hangout spot. I know it wasn’t great the last time we were there… but! Like I said, we can make new memories! Everything turned out okay, afterall. I don’t want to let our secret spot go to waste.”

Sunny smiled, it did sound like fun to go to the lake again. It had been scary last time he was there, he and Basil almost drowned. But… that wasn’t enough to make him not want to go back. The place meant too much to him.

“Maybe we can have a picnic?”

Sunny’s suggestion was innocent, almost nervous. Would it be a bad idea, after everyone knew the truth to have a picnic? Truth be told, he’d been hoping to have a picnic with all of his friends again on this trip. He was prepared to set everything up, he was sure he knew how. Anything to have a picnic with his friends again.

“I think everyone would love that, Sunny.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Sunny felt excited for a moment. A picnic, just like old times! He would find all the stuff he needed to host it, he only trusted himself to get it right.

He’d watched Mari enough to know how to do it right.

He wished she was hosting it.

She should be helping him.

He couldn’t let that ruin this.

He needed to preserve her memory, and this was the best way. Making the best picnic ever in her honor. It would make her so proud! He’d show her how much he’d learned from her.

If she was here to see it he would, anyway.

It would be fun. He needed it. Everyone did.

“Okay. Thank you, Basil. For everything,” he sighed, “I should start packing.”

“Of course, Sunny. Just remember, it won’t be much longer now, and we’ll all be together again!”

“I can’t wait.”

“Me neither.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll see you, Sunny.”

Click.

---

Sunny sat with his mom at the dinner table. He picked at his food, trying to force himself to eat. He knew how much it meant to his mom that he ate enough. He needed to ask her if they still had that picnic blanket. He wanted to bring it back to Faraway to use. He figured it would be the best for recreating old memories. 

Or maybe it just felt nice to be close to something Mari had once. 

It made him feel better in a way.

“Hey… Mom?”

She looked up at him and tilted her head. “Yes, Sunny? What do you need?”

It was still uncommon for him to just speak up at dinner like that.

“Um… do we still have the old picnic blanket? And basket? I want to have a picnic in Faraway.”

She smiled, though her eyes couldn’t hide the sadness behind her expression.

“We do, Sunny. I can get it for you tonight. I think it’s a great idea.” 

The two sat there for a moment, finishing their dinner in silence.

“You know… Mari would be proud of you.”

Sunny just nodded.

---

Sunny had almost all of his things packed. His clothes, his Gameboy Advance , “Hector”, and the picnic basket. The only thing he had yet to pack was Mari’s picnic blanket.

He held it in his hands, looking down at it while he sat cross-legged on the floor. How many times must Mari have held this blanket while preparing? While laying it out for everyone? She was always the one that set everything up. It was her blanket.

He held it close to him. Squeezing it tight, almost cradling it. His knuckles turned white as he gripped the blanket as tightly as he could. He couldn't let it go. He couldn't let go of Mari.

He sobbed into the blanket.

He missed her.

Chapter Text

Sunny leaned his head against the car window, his skull rattled in his head as he stared at the trees going past. He hadn’t seen trees like this since he moved out of Faraway, he didn't realize how much he had missed it. It was an odd kind of beautiful, seeing the dim evening sunlight filtering through the leaves, casting speckled shadows on the ground. He didn’t like the cold gray buildings that populated the city. It didn’t feel like a home; this felt like a home. 

He sat in the passenger seat, something he’d only been allowed to do ever since he left Faraway. Growing up has its perks, apparently. He glanced at his mom, who was staring intently down the road and looked back out of his window. 

He saw his reflection in the mirror, his black hair being blown back by the wind from outside. He wore his prosthetic eye today. He didn’t like to usually, and often preferred to just wear a white eyepatch over it, but he wanted Basil to feel comfortable when he saw him. He didn’t want Basil to just be thinking about how he had hurt him.

It had been a long year, but he was finally going back. It still didn’t feel real, he didn’t think it would until he was standing face to face with Basil. His mom was going to drop him off outside of his house; she said he could stay for around a month, but if he needed to leave earlier or later she could work with him. 

He appreciated that he could leave early. He was worried that his friends weren’t going to take well to him being there. Or maybe Basil would realize he wasn’t quite as ready to hang out with him as he thought. That was his biggest fear. 

He sighed and looked down at his lap where his Gameboy Advance was laying. He really should have charged it before he left. He wondered if Kel had one, maybe they could play a game together. He always used to have all the video game consoles, so he’d probably have one? 

He just wanted to connect with his old friends again.

“Welcome to Faraway Town” the sign greeted him as they sped past. 

Faraway was so much smaller than he remembered, at least compared to the city. Houses and shops were spread apart, and what things were relatively close together were still separated by a solid tree-line. 

Before he knew it they were pulling into his old neighborhood… taking a left… and another left. 

Before he knew it they were on Basil’s street. 

He gripped his thigh, he was so close now. His heart started to race. He wasn’t ready. What if this didn’t work? What if his friends didn’t want to see him? Was Basil going to be upset? He hadn’t seen him since he left the hospital, what if Basil wasn’t ready either?

He took a deep breath as the car rolled to a stop outside of Basil’s house. His mom looked at him sympathetically, he was much more obvious about how he felt than he thought. He smiled at her. 

“Thank you for driving me here, Mom.” 

“Of course, honey. Make sure you call if you need anything, okay? You have fun, Sunny! It’s gonna be great!”

He nodded, and exited the car, taking his suitcase out of the backseat. He moved to the sidewalk and waved to his mom as she drove off.

This was it. He bit his lip before walking up to the house. There was no car in the driveway, was Basil home? The side of the house had an elaborate garden, much more established than the last time he was here. More like back when he and Basil were kids. He hadn’t been kidding about caring for his garden.

He stood in front of the door and steeled himself. He’d been here a hundred times before, what made this any different? It was going to be just like old times. 

He set his suitcase down and knocked.

“Sunny!” 

What could almost be described as a yelp came from inside the house.

“Hang on! Sunny!”

Sunny smiled.

“I’m coming!”

The door swung open.

Basil stood before him, just as he remembered, but so different. Basil was taller than him, though not by much. When did that happen? Basil had always been the shortest of the group. A bright pink flower shone from his slightly unkempt hair. It was still Basil.

He felt like he was staring at the boy for an eternity. 

“Basil..."

Basil embraced him. Sunny wrapped his arms around him and held on as tight as he could, resting his head against Basil’s shoulder. It felt so right being there. He squeezed his eyes shut before they could start to water, wishing he could stay right there forever. He missed his best friend so much. How long had it been since the two hugged like this? He was so warm and gentle… 

Too soon, far too soon, Basil pulled away and smiled at him.

“Your hair’s grown, Sunny.”

“I meant to get it cut.”

“I love it. It suits you, you should keep it.”

It was such a simple interaction. But that’s what made it special. Just like old times. They could talk as if they’d never been apart. 

He really had meant to get it cut. He hated staring at it in the mirror. If Basil liked it though, maybe it was okay.

“Come inside! We gotta get that suitcase in my room!”

Sunny nodded and picked it up before following Basil. 

His house smelled the same as it always had, incense burning mixed with a sweet flowery smell coming from the open window. This was home. He looked around, the place was mostly the same as it was last year, at least as far as he remembered.

“Polly’s out of the house, she’s going shopping to get some food for us to have over the trip! I think she’s probably going to bring home fast food for dinner, I hope you’re excited!”

Basil looked back at him anxiously looking for confirmation, Sunny nodded, as he followed Basil through the house.

He felt tense as they neared Basil’s room. Things hadn’t been the best last time they were both in there. He could tell Basil was a little on edge as well, as he paused in front of his door.

“Well, let’s go in!” Basil said, opening his door and walking inside.

Sunny followed him and set his suitcase down by the door. There was already an air mattress laid out on the floor for him, with a huge pile of blankets on top.

“I know you like to keep warm,” he murmured shyly, “So I made sure to get extra blankets here for you!”

“Thank you.” Sunny’s chest felt hot, Basil always remembered the little things.

“Oh, Is this that plant?”

Sunny walked over to the blooming tulip flowers, the ones Basil had sent him pictures of a couple weeks ago. It looked even more beautiful in person. Pure, and delicate. 

“The one like you!” Basil affirmed, standing beside him now.

“It’s pretty.”

“Isn’t it? It looks amazing this time of year, it’s my favorite."

The two just stood there for a moment, before Sunny remembered his gift.

“I forgot... I got you a present, Basil.”

He went back over to his suitcase getting on his knees and opened it up, pulling the green sweater out.

“Here! For you!”

Basil took it from his hands and examined it while Sunny looked up at him expectantly. 

“Oh! Roses! And sunflowers! And it’s my favorite color! Sunny, I love it! I’m going to go change into it now, okay? I’ll be right back!”

Basil ran out of the room, grabbing a pair of pajama pants out of his dresser before he went. 

Sunny looked around Basil’s room, taking it all in. It was mostly the same as it always was. Plenty of flowers, a bookshelf populated with tons of colorful books, an elegant dresser, and a twin sized bed with a green blanket. Just as he’d left it.

He felt a wave of unease being back in this room. A place he’d spent so much time in during his childhood. He didn’t like to think about the past too much, it brought back bad memories. It scared him.

He had to focus on the new memories.

A few moments passed, before Basil entered the room again. His mind cleared.

“Well?” Basil said.

The sweater fit perfectly, if not a little big. Still, sweaters are supposed to be comfy! Basil looked so cozy in that sweater, he was almost jealous. Not to mention the pajama pants to match. It looked… nice on him.

“Perfect! It won’t be too hot?”

“No, especially not at night!”

Basil smiled.

“I actually have something for you as well! Just a minute!”

He grabbed a book off of his shelf.

“Here!”

Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain

“It’s a book that really helps people with drawing! I know you’ve been doing a lot of art stuff lately, so I thought that might help!”

Basil looked at him, eyes wide, almost nervous. 

Sunny was already flipping through the pages, he smiled. This looked like it would actually be useful.

“I love it Basil!” 

“Really? That’s a relief.” Basil sighed. He was really stressed out about this, wasn’t he?

“Thank you so much.”

The two stood for a minute with their gifts, just looking at each other. Sunny hadn’t been in a room alone with Basil since the hospital. He felt nervous, but he couldn’t place why. 

 Before he could think about it any more he heard the front door open.

“That must be Polly! Let’s go, Sunny!” 

Polly came holding bags from a local burger joint and set them down on the dining room table.

“Hi, Sunny!” she said, without missing a beat, waving at him, “It’s nice to see you here again! I assume you’ve settled in mostly?”

Sunny nodded, “Yes. Thank you.”

“Of course! You’re always welcome here. You two can go ahead and start eating. Sunny, I wasn’t sure what you’d like, but there’s a few different kinds of burgers in there, you and Basil can pick and choose which you like. There should be plenty of fries too.”

Sunny and Basil both thanked her again, before sitting down across from each other and opening the bags. Sunny’s stomach growled, he hadn’t eaten since before he had left his house, and that was hours ago. 

“Here, Sunny. This one’s just plain,” Basil said, “You usually like those right?”

Sunny nodded, he always had.

“I’m so glad that you’re here you know, Sunny.”

“I like being here.”

Sunny unwrapped his burger and took a first bite. He hadn’t had this place before, but it was good. 

“Tomorrow I think that we should try to find Kel and Aubrey. What do you think?” 

Basil had begun eating as well.

“I think so,” Sunny set his food down. He felt sick thinking of seeing his friends again. “I guess we have to, don’t we?”

“It’s gonna be fine, Sunny! They seemed excited, didn’t they?”

“I guess so. I still don’t know when Hero is supposed to be here."

Basil seemed bothered at the thought of Hero.

“Maybe Kel would know? I can’t imagine it’ll be too much longer, I think it was around this time last year he came back.”

Sunny remembered when Hero came back last year, how he’d saved him and Basil from drowning. He always managed to live up to his name. 

“I hope… he still likes us.” Sunny said, “I’m scared”

Basil nodded, “Me too, but he emailed you first. We just have to trust in our friend. It’s all we can do.” 

The two sat in silence.

“Do you remember the last time we were eating together here, Sunny?”

“Kind of.”

He remembered how Basil ran off. How scared he was in the bathroom. What did Sunny see? What made the bathroom so frightening? It was just Basil, right?

His head started to hurt.

He felt like he was missing something.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Sunny. It’s probably a bad memory.”

“No, I’m sorry, I just got distracted. What were you saying?”

“Just, I’m happy you’re here. That day I thought I was never going to see you again. I... don’t know what I would’ve done Sunny,” the boy looked at Sunny, “Thank you. You’ve done more for me than you know.”

Sunny nodded. He knew what Basil meant. That day they fought could have gone very differently. For both of them. That night the secret could have been buried forever.

He was glad it wasn’t. The truth sets you free, as they say.

“It took both of us,” Sunny said, “You saved yourself.”

“I almost…” he glanced at Polly, and shook his head, “We’re okay now. That’s what matters, and I’m so glad you’re here.”

What did Basil leave unsaid? He would ask about it later, this conversation wasn’t one that needed to happen in front of Polly. She probably worried about Basil enough as is.

The two finished their meals.

“Okay! I’ll help Polly with putting away the groceries, you go unpack okay?”

Sunny nodded and stood up from the table.

He walked, alone this time, to Basil’s room. He took his toothbrush from his suitcase. That was really the only thing he’d packed aside from clothes and the picnic stuff.

He also grabbed his pajama clothes from his suitcase, just an old t-shirt and pants. He went to bring it all to the bathroom but paused outside of the door.

What had been in there that scared him? He opened the door and slid inside, locking it and flicking the light on.

He stared at himself in the mirror. It was just him.

See, nothing to worry about.

Still, he couldn’t shake off the feeling of unease. There was something wrong. 

He set his toothbrush down on the counter and quickly changed before running into Basil as he left.

“Hi! Oh, is everything okay? You don’t look so good.”

Sunny offered a half-smile, “Hi. I’m okay.”

Basil nodded, though he didn’t look convinced, “Okay… if you’re sure. I was just going to brush my teeth, we could together like we used to?”

Before he knew it, they were both standing in front of the mirror. It really was quite obvious Basil had grown to be taller than him standing side by side beside the boy. Well, he was younger, so maybe it made sense. Basil was already seventeen, Sunny still had another month. Schools in Faraway tended to accept students a year earlier than usual, so the gang would all be graduating this year, despite being a little younger than usual. Hero graduated a year later than he should have to his understanding. Apparently he failed the year of high school after Mari’s death.

He felt terrible for that.

He shook it off. He couldn’t be worried about that right now. Any amends he needed to make with Hero he would when he saw him again. He would be brave enough.

He felt better being in the bathroom with Basil than he did when he was alone in there. Basil made rooms feel safer. He could almost forget everything that bothered him when he was with Basil. Almost.

---

The two had hung out in the living room for a while, sitting on the couch and talking while the TV played. Basil updated Polly on their plans, how they were hoping to go to Gino’s tomorrow with Kel and Aubrey, and how Sunny was hoping to be able to have a picnic with everyone once Hero was home. Polly thought it all sounded great, and offered to drive them if they ever wanted to go somewhere far. Sunny thought it might be fun to go to the beach again.

Basil and Sunny sat on the floor in Basil’s room now, and Sunny was rummaging through his suitcase. He pulled out Basil’s old photo album!

“Here, look what I brought.”

He placed it on the floor between them.

When was the last time they looked at it, just the two of them? Basil would always show Sunny his new photos as he placed them in the book, but that was a long time ago. Maybe Basil would want to take more pictures now? That was his hope. 

“Oh, you remembered it!”

Basil opened the book, and the two looked at the photos. He laughed and pointed at the picture of Sunny playing his old Gameboy. “You know, this one was always one of my favorites, Sunny. What I wrote was true, you’ve always been a great listener.”

Sunny nodded and looked at the picture of him. It was one of Basil’s favorites? He had to find one of his favorites. He flipped through the album and stopped to point at the photo of him and Basil sitting together. Where he was showing him his new book.

“I like this one.”

“I like that one too! You look so interested. You’re always interested in what I have to say, aren’t you, Sunny?”

He just nodded again. They looked so happy in all of these pictures. He couldn’t help but think of all the great memories they could have made if things had been different. If Mari had never died, if he hadn’t locked himself away after she died.

“Basil… I’m sorry I left you,” he looked up to meet Basil’s eyes.

Sunny had messed up a lot, he made so many mistakes. But one of his biggest ones was abandoning Basil. They would have been stronger together than apart. Why didn’t he go to him? What was holding him back all those years? He hated himself for it.

“I missed you, Sunny.” Basil said, “It could get really hard sometimes. I never stopped believing in you though. I didn’t lose hope until… until I found out you were moving. That’s when I realized I might never see you again.”

He paused, looking down at the photo album, a sad smile on his face.

“If that happened… I knew the truth would never come out,” he looked back to Sunny, “I was too much of a coward. And I don’t think it was my place. I was in denial. I… I don’t know when I truly accepted you made the mistake and it wasn’t Something. It might have been the day at the hospital I truly understood. Maybe I just wanted to pretend. It seemed easier to accept, didn’t it, Sunny?”

Something... that's what Basil had been talking about in the bathroom that day. Something behind him? That's right...

Sunny nodded. He didn’t know how he would’ve reacted if his friends found out about what he did before he told them. He didn’t even know if he knew what had happened until the words were out of his mouth. It was all hazy.

It would have been so much easier if it had been Something behind him, just like Basil thought. It wouldn’t have been his fault, and Basil would have been right for helping him. Because it wasn’t his fault.

But it was.

And what Basil did was wrong too.

He had to accept that.

“Good people can do bad things.” Sunny offered Basil a smile, “I think you’re a good person.”

“So wise," Basil smiled back, "I think you’re a good person too, Sunny.”

He nodded.

That’s all he needed.

There was still one thing on his mind though.

“Basil, what were you saying earlier? When you interrupted yourself.”

“Oh,” he sighed, “I shouldn’t have said anything but, well it’ll just bother you if I don’t tell you, huh?”

Sunny nodded.

“I… I don’t think I would be here right now if you didn’t show up when you did that night.” Basil stared at Sunny, “I would be dead. I was planning on it. That night we fought. You saved my life, Sunny.”

Sunny knew Basil was close to losing to himself, but he needed to hear it confirmed. He had felt such a strong pull to Basil that night, the urge to save him. On some level somehow he knew Basil needed him. Maybe that’s just the bond best friends share.

Sunny swallowed, “I’m glad you’re still here.”

Basil smiled, “It’s getting late. We should get to bed, Sunny. We’re gonna need to be rested if we’re hanging out with Kel tomorrow, he’s always high energy, isn’t he?”

Always one to divert when the conversation gets to be too much about him.

Sunny nodded, he slowly closed the photo album and set it on the floor beside his air mattress. He watched as Basil turned the light off, then climbed into his own bed, still wearing the sweater he gave him. He hoped that he actually liked it, and wasn’t just pretending to make Sunny feel better. Sunny really liked the present Basil bought him. He was always so thoughtful.

He pulled the blankets over him, he was almost smothered by a huge mound of warmth, but he liked it. Again, Basil was always so thoughtful. He curled up, holding his knees. 

"Sunny... are you excited to see Aubrey?"

"Aubrey?"

"Yeah. I know you used to have a little crush on her."

"Oh," Sunny said, "Maybe a long time ago, not anymore. I'm excited to see her, I guess. But just as my friend that I miss."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure," Sunny thought for a moment, "You know, Basil, I was most excited to see you."

"I was most excited to see you too, Sunny."

The two laid in silence for a moment. Sunny didn't care for Aubrey in that way anymore, even back when he might have had a little crush on her it was nothing big. Nothing compared to the bond that he and Basil shared as best friends. He was excited to see all of his friends again, but Basil was his main reason for wanting to come back to Faraway town. If no one else liked him, he would be okay just hanging out with Basil.

Basil yawned, causing Sunny to yawn.

“Goodnight, Sunny.”

“Goodnight, Basil.”

He closed his eyes. He felt more at peace here than he had in years.

Tomorrow would be a good day. He had to trust his friends.

He could do that.

Chapter Text

A loud banging on the door woke Sunny with a start. Whatever dream he’d been having quickly vanished from memory, as they always seemed to lately. He sat up quickly, and looked around the room panicked. He was always disoriented waking up, and the sudden noise didn’t help anything. He looked over and saw Basil who was sitting up too.

“What is that?” Sunny yawned, tipping his head at Basil.

“I’m… not sure.”

Sunny slowly stood up, “Let’s find out.”

He was curious as to what it was. The light shining in through Basil’s window proved it had to be early morning, why would someone be here this early? He felt nervous, but he trusted it was nothing bad.

He walked to the front of the house, Basil following close behind. He froze in front of the door, suddenly doubting himself. He shook it off and unlocked the door, slowly opening it.

“Sunny! When were you two gonna tell me you got here? I was waiting all day yesterday!”

Of course it was Kel. Only Kel would bang on someone's door like that.

“Okay, that’s not true. I remembered last night when I was going to bed you were supposed to be in town. But still guys, Not. Cool.”

Basil sighed, “We were gonna get you today. He just got here last night, Kel.”

“Oh… well, still! You two should’ve come to see me right away!” He grinned at Sunny, “Doesn’t matter, I got you two now! What’re we doing first!”

“We weren’t even planning on being awake yet!” Basil looked at Sunny exasperated, before sighing again and looking at Kel, “We were gonna get you and Aubrey and go to Gino’s for lunch, does that sound okay?”

Sunny watched the two talk, when was the last time they talked at ease like this that he’d seen? He assumed they must have had some conversations over the last year, but before that? Sunny hadn’t seen them talk as friends since… probably since the accident.

He couldn’t hide a small smile seeing them together again.

“That sounds perfect, I think we should go get Aubrey now! What do you think, Sunny?”

“Um.”

Basil and Kel both looked at him. Basil probably didn’t want to bother Aubrey this early but he did want to see Aubrey again.

“We can go… in a minute.” Sunny looked at Kel, “I just woke up.”

Sunny yawned.

Kel laughed, “Yeah… I guess I didn’t think about that. You two have still gotta get ready! Well don’t worry, take your time. Do you mind if I hang out with you guys while you do?”

The three reentered the house, Sunny and Kel both sat down at the table across from each other.

“Okay, I’m gonna shower,” Basil said, “You two haven’t talked in a while, so I’ll let you catch up. I’ll be back soon!”

“See you!”

“Bye.”

Sunny studied Kel. He honestly looked the same as he always had, maybe a little taller than last year. He still went around wearing his basketball uniform, his hair still long and unkempt.

Kel smiled at him, “Seriously, Sunny, It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you.”

The two sat quietly for a moment, but being one to never let a silence turn awkward Kel immediately picked back up a conversation.

“You and Basil kept in touch, huh?”

Sunny nodded.

“I understand, you two definitely always got each other the most. Still though dude, I missed you! You’ve gotta reach out more.”

“Sorry,” Sunny looked down, “I thought you didn’t like me.”

“Seriously! Aw, man.” He sighed, “Sunny, of course I like you. I don’t think I could ever not like you. You’re my friend! You know that, Aubrey… Hero, we’re all your friends still.”

Sunny looked back up at Kel, and nodded. Was that really true? Had there really been nothing to worry about? He heard the hesitation in his voice when he said Hero’s name. Kel wasn’t even confident that Hero would be okay around him.

Still… Kel and Basil were enough. Aubrey seemed to be interested in seeing him again too. Maybe Kel wasn’t wrong.

“I should’ve done more, Sunny.” Kel lifted his hands apologetically, “This last year, yeah. But… before everything happened too. I never gave up on you, you know. I just couldn’t come by every day like I did at the start. It was killing me.”

He sighed.

“Still, I wonder what would’ve happened if I tried more. Maybe you would’ve come out sooner.”

Sunny shook his head.

“Maybe not. But I wish I would’ve tried. I missed you, Sunny. A lot,” he looked the other boy in the eyes, unusually serious, “Stick around this time, okay? I’ve got your back. We all do.”

“Thank you…” he smiled, “You mean it?”

“Totally. You don’t gotta stress about it anymore. I mean, look, we’re all going back to Gino’s today! I know Hero’s not here yet, but he will be.”

Hero’s name brought back the silence.

Kel bit his lip, “I know Hero’s a wild card right now. I think he misses you too, really. We’ve gotta trust him. He’s been kind of distant with me too this year, it’s not just you. It’s everyone. Though, I guess that might just be worse.”

He laughed apologetically.

“We’ll figure it all out when he’s here, okay? Today, let’s focus on getting Aubrey with us.”

Sunny nodded. He felt a little bit better about everything now. He was still worried about Hero, but that was just going to be a bridge they crossed when they got there.

Kel continued to talk about how school had been the last year, how he’d been accepted into a school on a sports scholarship, how he was going to be leaving the state just like Hero had. He said he was going to miss Sally a lot, and it would be hard leaving his friends.

“Still, Hero did it!” he flashed a smile, before it rapidly faded, “Well, I guess the circumstances were different, but… he did it!”

“Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve just stayed in town, gone to community, you know?”

Sunny nodded along to everything Kel said, he didn’t seem to mind he wasn’t talking much. He apparently had a lot on his mind he needed to let out. He supposed he might not have too many people to talk to. With Hero being gone, Aubrey would be his only option. For some reason he couldn’t imagine Kel venting to Aubrey.

A chair pulled out besides Sunny, causing him to jump. Basil sat down and smiled, “Sorry, Sunny. Didn’t mean to scare you there.”

The boy’s hair was still wet, clinging to the sides of his cheeks with drips of water traveling down his chin, splashing off onto his sweater. The same one he’d gotten him yesterday. He wore it. The boy seemed to glow. His chest felt warm for a second. He forced himself to get up.

“Okay. I guess I should shower too.”

---

The group stood outside of Aubrey’s house. The sun was much higher in the sky now, it couldn’t be any earlier than eleven. Kel, Basil, and Sunny had all hung out at the house for a bit, though it took Kel a bit of convincing to not get her immediately. Sunny and Basil both agreed it made sense to wait to get her until it was closer to lunch. Besides, Kel wanted breakfast. Sunny skipped it.

Kel leaned down and whispers in Sunny’s ear, “Aubrey still isn’t super cool about having people over, but she actually let me come inside last week, for her birthday.. It’s still not the best in there. I don’t know what she’s gonna be like this time.”

Her birthday had been recently, Sunny sent her a text with a lot of confetti emojis. He always remembered his friends' birthdays.

With that, Kel knocked on the door, “Aubrey! Guess who’s here!”

Silence for a moment.

The door swung open.

She stood as tall as before, which was a little taller than him, though a little less intimidating this time. A bright yellow jacket accompanied her classic black shirt. The only big difference was her pink hair had been cut short.

Her presence felt softer, a little more like it had when they were kids.

“Sunny,” she smiled, “It’s great to see you again.”

He nodded, “It’s good to see you.”

She looked at them all, and sighed.

“Well, what are you all waiting for? Come on in.”

She led the way back to her room, carefully navigating over trash strewn across the house. Her eyes were focused intently only on her destination, she never seemed to look around her. Before they knew it they all sat on the floor of her room. Her room felt like a different world compared to the rest of the house. A peaceful island.

“Look at us! All back together! Almost!” Kel said, “Awesome, or what?”

Aubrey laughed and shook her head, “You’re too much, Kel. You’re gonna overwhelm Sunny.”

“Am not!”

She looked at Sunny and tipped her head, “How have you been doing, Sunny?”

“Okay. Better.”

She nodded, her eyes softening, “Good. I like to hear that. Kel hasn’t been trouble?”

“I’m right here,” Kel muttered.

“No. He’s been nice,” Sunny looked at Basil, “Basil too.”

“They better be.”

“So! We were all thinking about going to Gino’s for lunch, does that sound okay to you, Aubrey?” Basil interjected.

“Totally! That sounds awesome. It’s too bad Hero isn’t gonna be there, though he’s kinda been a jerk this last year,” she sighed, “Not that I can blame, him I guess.”

“He’s just having a hard time!” Kel protested.

“Yeah, yeah. It doesn’t matter, we’ll see him soon.”

She looked at Sunny, “He better not be bad to you. You tell me if he’s mean.”

Sunny nodded.

Aubrey seemed really protective of him. She always did seem to care about him a lot. It made him feel a lot better knowing he had his friends on his side.

Kel looked frustrated with Aubrey but shook his head, "I guess we should get going then, huh? Gino's is waiting!"

Everyone nodded in agreement, standing up, navigating back through the house.

Now a group of four, they all walked together down the sidewalks of Faraway town. It'd been a long time since they'd been together like this. It did feel weird without Hero, Aubrey was right about it being too bad that he wasn't there. He didn't like the tension he felt between Aubrey and Kel, though Sunny supposed it was nothing new. Of course they were going to be a little on edge right now, especially around the topic of Hero. It is Kel's brother after all. Still, Kel seemed to move on from it pretty fast. He'd matured a lot in that way.

Before he knew it, they were all standing in front of Gino's. Sunny hadn't been there since the last time he'd hung out with his friends, though he didn't remember it all too well. He was excited to go back. It was always one of his favorite places they went as a group.

Soon they were all seated at a table, two large pizzas seated between them. Basil didn't think they needed more than one, but Kel insisted. Sunny was just happy to have anything at all.

"So, Sunny," Aubrey started, "How long are you supposed to be in town anyway?"

"My mom said I could stay for a while," Sunny said, "Around a month."

She grinned, "That's awesome! We're all gonna get to hang out a ton!"

Kel nodded in agreement, "We've gotta plan a bunch of fun stuff to do with Sunny! He probably misses a ton of things, like the beach! You miss the beach, don't you Sunny? It's been years!"

Sunny nodded. He did miss the beach, that was one of the places he was hoping he'd get to visit on his trip here. He was glad Kel already seemed to know.

"Sunny actually wants to have a picnic with you all too, once Hero gets here!" Basil said, almost proudly.

"Really?" Aubrey asked.

Sunny nodded, "I have the old blanket and basket with me."

"Whoa... it's been a while," Kel said, "I'm excited. I guess you're gonna be preparing the picnic then, aren't you Sunny?"

Sunny nodded.

"I bet you'll throw a great picnic. I'm in," Aubrey said.

Basil smiled at Sunny, and he looked down embarrassed. Basil had reassured him everyone would love the idea of a picnic, but he had remained uncertain until now. Now he was stressed about preparing it. They must all be used to a really high standard of picnic, how was he going to live up to it? He tried to shake off that thought as he lifted a slice of pizza from the box.

"By the way, what are you planning on doing this year, Sunny?" Kel asked in-between bites, "Are you graduating this year like us, or is it gonna take a bit longer? Totally not a bad thing if it does, don't think that! I'm just curious."

"Oh, I think I'm going to the community college out here," he looked at Basil, who nodded, "Basil said he was going to help me apply while I'm here. I missed being here, so..."

"I'm going there too!" Aubrey said, "Though... I kinda have to. Not that I don't wanna be here! I just kinda messed up my chances anywhere else. I don't mind though, you guys are gonna be there, and so is Kim. So it's no problem!"

Sunny remembered he'd seen Kim briefly while he'd been out last year. All he remembered was how she worried about Aubrey. Aubrey always seemed to worry about others, it was good someone was looking after her too.

"What? Come on!" Kel sighed, "Seriously? Everyone but me is gonna be going there?"

"Kel, I've told you," Aubrey said.

"I know! But it sucks even more now!"

"I think you're gonna be just fine, Kel."

He muttered something under his breath and kept eating.

“Do you have an idea on what you want to learn in college, Sunny?” Basil asked.

It was a question he asked him often, it was innocent but it always stressed him out. He didn’t know what exactly he wanted to learn. He knew one day he was going to have to face reality, get a job, make money. That world felt so alien to him right now though. He didn’t like to think about it.

Still, recently he’d had more ideas about what he wanted to learn.

“I like writing and drawing. So maybe things like that.”

It really felt like an awkward family dinner, but he liked it. He felt like he was bonding with his friends on a personal level. They’ve never really gotten to sit and talk like this, as adults. Kind of adults.

“That’s so cool!” Kel said, “I was never too good at those things.”

“You’re not too good at most things that aren’t basketball, Kel,” Aubrey said.

“First of all… you’re not wrong,” Kel sighed.

Sunny laughed a little, and Kel grinned.

Sunny leaned back a little in his chair, feeling full from the two slices he ate. Kel ate the most, grabbing the last slice. Though he made sure everyone else was full first.

Aubrey sighed as she watched him eat it and shook her head, “Anyway, Basil. It was nice of you to let Sunny stay at your house.”

Basil shrugged, “It wasn’t a problem at all! I love having him there.”

She smiled, “I bet you do.”

Basil glared at her and Sunny looked on confused.

Kel immediately stood up slamming his palms onto the table, “Okay! Let’s go to the park!”

“Why do you get to decide?” Aubrey asked.

“Don’t you all want to?”

Sunny knew he did, and everyone else's silence seemed to imply they did as well.

“See! Let’s go!”

The four arrived at the park and Kel immediately began pulling on Basil’s arm.

“Come on, Basil! Let’s play basketball! You know how to play, don’t you?”

“Uh… not really…”

“Come on then! I gotta teach you! I’m gonna teach Basil to play, then we can all play, okay guys?”

Sunny nodded, though he didn’t exactly know how to play either. He knew he could never compete against Kel, still, it might be fun.

Aubrey motioned to the bench and he sat down beside her. They both watched Basil and Kel on the court, Basil was obviously having a hard time. It was kind of funny, really. He kept dropping it.

“Not much of a sporty kid, huh?” Aubrey commented.

“No,” Sunny watched him fail at dribbling yet again, “I’m not either though.”

“Don’t worry about it, I totally suck at it too. Kel’s tried to teach me a ton of times, I think he’s just happy to have an excuse to teach someone else. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries you next,” she paused, “Though I guess he used to try to teach you a lot, didn’t he? Maybe he thinks you remember.”

Sunny remembered way back when practicing with Kel on that very court. Kel really had wanted him to join the basketball team with him even though it didn’t make much sense. Back then Sunny would’ve been barely five feet tall, if even. Which even for a middle-schooler was way too short to try out for really any sports team.

Still, Kel really wanted him to, so he tried to practice. Maybe it was just an excuse to hang out.

“That’s true. I haven’t played in years though.”

“I guess we’ll find out how good you are then, huh? You wanna be on my team? I assume he’s gonna do two versus two.”

Sunny really had no idea how a competitive game of basketball would operate, he’d only ever practiced throwing the ball and dribbling with Kel. He felt bad at the idea of going against Basil, but maybe it’d be fun! He hadn’t done any kind of physical activity in a long time.

“So… do you like being back here?”

Sunny nodded.

“I like having you back here. Things feel more normal, y’know? Things never feel right when you’re gone.”

He nodded again.

“How’s Basil?”

“He’s nice,” he paused, “I missed him.”

“You two talked a lot, huh?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you as much.”

“Don’t worry about it!” she smiled, “Sometimes it’s easy to focus on one person, I get that. I wouldn't have minded hearing from you more though. It gets lonely, only having Kel and Basil to talk too. Even Basil didn’t talk to me too much.”

Sunny nodded, “I think he was scared. I was too."

“I’d be scared to. But you don’t have any reason to be, I promise. We’re all your friends here,” she sighed, “It’s hard, you know? It’s hard for me too. But you’re my friend,” she looked at him, “Besides, we’ve both made some pretty bad mistakes. I’d be a hypocrite to hate you.”

Sunny felt tense, the conversation was getting a lot more serious than he felt comfortable with. It felt dangerously close to mentioning… her.

“I’ve already lost one friend. I can’t lose another. For a while, I thought I had. That night I thought I had lost two,” she pursed her lips, “I worry about you, Sunny. I wouldn’t ever let you hang out with people you wouldn’t be safe with.”

She gestured to Basil and Kel, the former of which just accidentally launched a ball into the back of the latter's head, “I don’t think those two could ever hate you, honestly.”

Sunny nodded, “Thank you.”

They both dodged around the idea of Hero. Sunny didn’t know what to think of him still. In his dreams, he’d be happy and they’d all be friends again, but he knew reality was a lot worse than that.

“Alright! That’s enough!” Kel cried, rubbing the back of his head, “You two! Off the bench and on the court! Me and Basil versus Sunny and Aubrey!”

Aubrey sighed and shook her head, standing up, “Well, come on, let’s go! We got this, Sunny.”

Chapter Text

Sunny lied on the air mattress with his blankets pulled up to his chin as he stared up at the ceiling. His body was sore from earlier, they had played basketball for almost an hour. To nobody’s surprise Sunny and Aubrey lost almost every single time, and Sunny suspected that the times they had won were just Kel going easy on them. They had swapped team members every now and then, the most successful team by far being Aubrey and Kel. That wasn’t a shock at all though.

After they had played basketball they decided to say their goodbyes until tomorrow. They all figured it would be best to let Sunny and Basil get back before it got too late, especially since it was his first full day and Sunny likely needed to adjust. He didn’t complain, though he felt sad leaving his friends.

Still, he was restless. His body twitched in that same way it always did late at night when he just couldn’t keep his eyes shut. Something was wrong.

The feeling had gone away the night before, when he first arrived. It was naive to think that would last.

He just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was forgetting something. Something important. It wasn’t always like this. For a while after he’d moved he had felt just… a normal terrible. Terrible in the way of finally admitting the truth. Terrible in the way of having a name for his guilt.

But after that came a new feeling. It felt like he was being called, or pulled in rather. But to what? His head started to hurt. He just couldn’t remember.

Maybe it was nothing. What was there to remember, after all? He knew the terrible thing he did. Sure, he didn’t remember exactly everything that had gone on in those four years, but maybe that’s just because nothing happened. Or maybe he was better off not remembering.

He didn’t know what was scarier, that there was something big he was forgetting, or that he was just rotting away for four years.

He sighed. It was impossible not to dwell on it. His hands curled into a fist, he hated this feeling.

He heard a yawn.

“Sunny? Are you still awake?”

He saw Basil’s form slowly rise and look down at him in the dark. Maybe he’d sighed a little too loud.

“Um… yeah.”

“It’s late, Sunny. Are you okay?”

They both looked at the digital clock on Basil’s nightstand. One AM. Not out of the usual for Sunny, but Basil had fallen asleep almost two hours ago. Oh god, it’s been two hours?

“I... don’t know.”

There was a rustling, and before he knew it Basil was sitting down on the air mattress. Sunny slowly sat up as well.

“What’s going on?” Basil stared into his eyes, the room barely illuminated by the bright blue numbers on the clock.

“I don’t feel right. I haven’t.” Sunny wrung his hands, “I’m having a hard time remembering things.”

Basil was quiet for a moment, “Like… Mari?”

Sunny winced, “No, not like that. I don’t think. I don’t know what happened in those four years in my house.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t remember anything. Even when I came out and saw everybody,” he sighed, “it’s all foggy.”

He paused.

“I don’t know if I even knew Mari was dead.”

He bit his lip and looked down. Looking back, he remembered waiting for Mari to come home. But that didn’t make sense. He couldn’t have just been waiting for years, could he? How could he have not known? How could he forget what he did? He wanted to forget again. It felt so easy to slip away. Is this what he couldn’t remember?

Basil grabbed his hand.

Reality.

He looked up to meet his friend’s gaze.

“Sunny. I understand,” he offered a small smile, “I was really confused about things back then, and it only got worse. Like... I really thought I was saving you from Something.”

Saving him from Something. He remembered it really felt like there had been Something there. He had been fighting for his life.

“I’m just, I’m glad we had our friends over,” Basil shook his head, “I’m sorry, that’s not helping at all, is it?. What I mean is, I wasn’t thinking clearly and I hadn’t been locked away like you had. I can’t imagine your headspace.”

Basil gripped his hand tighter.

“Whatever it is you’re forgetting, I’ll help you remember, I promise. But you need to get some sleep, Sunny. It’s late, and you looked exhausted all day.”

Sunny nodded and slowly laid back down.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. I’ll stay here until you’re asleep, okay?

Sunny nodded and slowly closed his eyes. He did feel better with Basil there. He slowed his breathing and tried to focus only on what he felt around him. How the mattress dipped around where Basil sat. How gently he held his hand. How whenever he opened his eyes he could see Basil watching over him. His mind cleared for the first time in hours, and he finally felt calm enough to fall asleep.

And he did.

---

Sunny sat at the table, pushing against it causing his chair to lean off the ground. He’d already showered and was just waiting on Basil to get out as well. They’d woken up later than the day before, probably because Kel didn’t feel the need to bang on the door.

Basil had been passed out on the floor besides him when he woke up. It made Sunny feel better that he really had been there to watch over him all night. It also felt kind of nice that he slept so close to him.

He could think about that later. His phone buzzed and he lifted it off the table to check it.

(10:37) Hey! Come by my house, dude! Got a surprise!

Kel.

(10:38) be right over.

As if on cue, Basil came walking into the living room at that moment.

“Basil, Kel said to come over, he’s got a surprise.”

“I was just gonna suggest that anyway!”

The two left the house, and made their way towards Kel’s house almost immediately, both of them skipping breakfast. They walked down the sidewalk side by side.

“So, what’s it like being back, Sunny?” Basil asked, obviously trying to break an awkward silence.

Sunny thought for a moment, “It’s… weird. But not bad. I like being with you again. Even though I was here last summer, it feels like I haven’t been in five years.”

Basil nodded, “Same here, nothing has really been the same since you left. This is the first time thing’s have felt normal. I’m sure Kel and Aubrey feel the same too, they seemed happier”

“Really?”

Basil smiled, “Really.”

Before they knew it, they were knocking on Kel’s door. The door swung open, revealing a nervous Kel.

“Okay, you’ve gotta promise to not freak out, okay?

That didn’t sound good.

Basil took over and promised for both of them, and the two entered the house.

“Uh, hi,” Hero lifted one hand in an awkward greeting, “It’s been a bit.”

Of course, what else did he expect? It might have been nice of Kel to tell him exactly what the surprise was so he could prepare, but who was he kidding. He knew it’d be Hero.

Sunny steeled himself and nodded, “It has. It’s good to see you.”

Hero was obviously uncomfortable, but maybe that was a good thing. If they were all uncomfortable, maybe it’d be like none of them were. Is that how it worked? Hero smiled at the two.

“I, uh, heard you all had a pretty fun day yesterday.”

“Dude! Stop being so weird!” Kel sighed, “He wants to hang out with us all today and he feels like he missed out since he wasn’t here the first day you were. ”

Sunny’s mind raced, was that true? Did Hero really want to hang out with them? Even if he and Basil were included? He bit his lip, he was stressed.

Hero looked at Sunny and grimaced, almost seeming apologetic for what he was about to do, “I hate to ask, but Sunny, do you think you and I could talk? Just us? Before we all go out as a group of friends?

Sunny looked at Basil, who looked back, just as anxious. He was on his own this time. He composed himself and nodded. Of course, he felt the same. Something would feel wrong if he and Hero didn’t talk about what had happened at all, and they all went out together as if nothing had ever happened. Aubrey could wait a little longer before they went to get her.

“Okay.”

The two left Basil and Kel behind and headed towards Hero’s old room. It looked like it had last year, not much had changed. Sunny sat on the floor, Hero sat across from him.

“So... this is weird,” Hero said.

Sunny nodded. It was.

“I was angry at first. I just want to be honest,” Hero looked at Sunny, “I’m not now. But… I was then. I miss her. I still miss her every single day.”

He paused, resting his head in his hands for a moment. Sunny only watched in silence. His chest felt cold. He hated talking about Mari like this. Most day’s he couldn’t bear to let himself think her name. Especially lately. His hands were shaking, but he had to do this. He forced his palms downward into his thigh trying to minimize the movement. He didn’t want Hero to notice and stop talking. This was important, for both of them.

At least this conversation was affecting both of them. It was obviously a fresh wound for Hero as well. No matter how many years passed, would either of them truly recover? They were the closest ones to Mari, everyone else got hurt, but no one else held the connection that Hero and Sunny had with Mari.

“But that was selfish.” Hero finally continued, “The day after you left, I realized something. I realized you missed her too. And…”

Hero’s voice cracked and he stopped talking, he looked up to meet Sunny’s eyes. Sunny saw tears forming in Hero’s eyes.
“I know how it feels to blame yourself for her death. I did for years. I was so angry that I had mistakenly blamed myself,” his voice was wavering, “But I didn’t think that you must’ve felt so much worse than I ever did. And still, maybe some things were my fault.”

Sunny furrowed his brow and slightly tipped his head, “What… did you do?”

His voice was barely a whisper. It had to be, he didn’t know what kind of emotion his voice would portray if he allowed himself to be properly heard. He knew he was vulnerable to break, and he couldn’t expend any more energy than necessary.

“Anyone could see Mari was pushing you too hard. I know she didn’t mean to do it, but… if anyone was in a position to bring it to her attention it was me,” he sighed, “I should have done something.”

Sunny shook his head. His breath was shaky now, “I did it. Not you.”

There was silence for a moment. Hero gave a small smile, “You didn’t mean to, Sunny. We all made mistakes. It might not have gotten this far if I’d been there like I was supposed to.”

Hero moved closer to Sunny and put his hand on his shoulder. Sunny’s hands curled into tight fists as he fought back tears.

“You loved her, Sunny. Things may not completely go back to normal for a little while, and that’s okay. As long as we’re all working on it. I know you would never hurt her. That’s what I wanted to say today. I know you didn’t mean any harm. You loved her.”

And I killed her.

But some things are better left unsaid.

The two had talked a little more about various things, after the conversation about Mari they rarely brought her up again. Hero said he loved the picnic idea, and he and Kel sent Basil and Sunny back to the house to prepare the picnic. They told them to meet the gang at the old hangout spot when they were ready, they would both get Aubrey.

Polly had gone out the day before to get groceries so there was no shortage of food.

Basil offered to bake cookies, which relieved Sunny. Cookies had always been a staple of their old picnics, but Sunny didn’t even know where to begin with baking.

He was able to stick with what he knew, which was making sandwiches and assorting various other snacks. He remembered how Mari used to make the sandwiches, they’d be in a triangle with no crust. It was his favorite way to have them, and Mari made it like that for everybody so he wouldn’t be self conscious. He blinked rapidly, trying to preemptively stop the formation of tears. He couldn’t focus on that right now.

He delicately cut around the edges of the sandwiches, which proved to be difficult with a butter knife. He didn’t like to hold real knives. It brought back memories of worse times.

He finally stepped back to admire his handiwork, a dozen triangles, so... six total sandwiches.

One too many.

He shook his head, and gently placed them into the basket. Extra is good.

Basil had suggested they pack both watermelon and Orange Joe, so Aubrey and Kel would have something they both really like. Neither of them were really sure about what Hero would want, so they just threw in various assorted fruits and snacks.

Sunny moved the picnic basket from the kitchen counter to the table.

“Sunny! Look, the cookies are out!”

He immediately went over, they actually smelled and looked amazing. Dare he say, better than his moms?

“Basil… these look great.”

Basil grinned, “I told you I could do it! I’m no Hero, but I can cook some things!”

“Can I try one?”

“Not yet, Sunny! They’re way too hot! Let’s give them a minute.”

The two sat down at the table together to wait.

“This will be fun, right?” Sunny asked.

Basil nodded, “It will! Everyone’s super excited.”

Sunny smiled, “Okay. I hope so.”

“Your picnic basket looks great! You organized it perfectly, and you even left a spot for all the cookies. You’ve got a real talent for this kind of thing.”

Sunny felt his cheeks warm up, but he tried to ignore it. It was embarrassing! It wasn’t that hard… he just put everything where it looked like they should go.

“Thank you…” he eventually murmured.

“I mean it! It’s great! As good as…” Basil stopped himself.

Sunny shook his head, “Not that good.”

Basil pursed his lips and stared at Sunny, eyes apologetic.

“It’s okay,” he looked down at his lap and sighed, “I made one too many sandwiches.”

Damn it. He could feel himself breaking again. He’d managed to barely keep himself composed with Hero but it was all becoming too much. Hero, his mistake, the picnic, how could he do this without her? He felt tears sliding down his cheeks. It wasn’t fair.

This was so embarrassing, falling apart in front of Basil again. It was pathetic. How many times could Basil comfort him until he just got sick of it? He’d have to get over this, maybe he could still recover without Basil noticing?

Arms wrapped around from behind him.

He hadn’t even noticed him move.

“It’s okay, Sunny.” Basil murmured, “I miss her too.”

So much for getting over it. Basil slowly pulled him out of his chair and embraced him properly. His head fell into place against the other boy’s shoulder as he cried. He squeezed his eyes shut and held him as tight as he could, never wanting to let go. This was the only place he ever felt safe. He was on guard constantly, always being haunted and chased by his own mind.

But against Basil’s shoulder he was safe. In Basil’s arms he was safe. With Basil he was safe.

Basil whispered words of comfort as he sobbed, and hugged back just as tight as Sunny did. Basil’s voice was soft and composed. How did he always manage to stay calm? Sunny could feel himself start to panic whenever Basil was stressed. He felt that he never knew what to do. Basil always knew exactly what to do.

Basil excused himself for a moment, and came back with two cookies, gesturing for Sunny to sit down on the floor beside him.

Basil smiled and handed Sunny one of them.

“Is it okay?” Basil asked.

“It’s really good,” Sunny smiled, the last of his tears dripping down his chin. His breathing started to slow down again, “Thank you.”

Basil nodded and squeezed Sunny’s hand before pulling away again, “We should get the rest into the picnic basket.”

Basil guided Sunny back to his feet, and then went to bring the pan of cookies to the table with the basket. The two stood in silence, packing all the cookies into a plastic bag together, and then setting it down into the basket. They both admired their handiwork for a moment. It certainly seemed to have the potential to be a good picnic.

He knew that there must be heavy expectations from everyone. He knew he wouldn’t be able to meet them, or bring back the feelings they used to have, but maybe it could be something close. This picnic was a way of apology for Sunny. A way to offer something they could no longer have. Maybe it was more of an apology to himself. Or to her.

Would she be proud of him? She always told him he’d be able to throw a great picnic one day, and she’d always let him help. He organized it almost all by himself this time, though he couldn’t bake cookies. Maybe Basil could teach him. That would make her proud.

“Are you okay, Sunny?”

“I think so.”

Sunny smiled at Basil, his eyes still red from crying. It was going to be okay, he had to trust his friend. He had to be okay, he couldn’t let everyone else see how upset he had been.

“Okay, I’ll seal this up, you go get the picnic basket from my room, okay, Sunny? After that we can go meet the gang.”

---

“Guys! They’re here!”

Kel jumped up waving, and ran over, “I thought you’d never make it!”

“It’s only been an hour and a half, Kel!” Basil said, “How long have you all been here?”

“Like… thirty minutes.”

“So not that long?”

“Well!”

While Kel bothered Basil, Sunny gave a small “Hi” to Aubrey and Hero and laid the picnic blanket out beside them. Basil set down the picnic basket in the corner, where they’d always put it.

“Sunny put together almost the whole thing! I just made some cookies for it,” Basil smiled, pointing at Sunny.

“Seriously? I’m excited,” Aubrey said, and Hero nodded in agreement.

Sunny looked down, “It’s okay.”

This was the first time everyone had been gathered together again for the first time since the hospital. It felt awkward, but not because of anyone else. Sunny just felt uncomfortable around everyone, like he didn’t deserve to be there. Basil handed him one of the sandwiches and he smiled thankfully, taking small bites as he watched his friends talk amongst each other.

It was a good thing to get everyone back together, Sunny’s personal feelings aside. The friend group hadn’t exactly been repaired in the time he left, the only improvement had been between Aubrey and Kel. With Hero being gone at college, Basil’s emotional distance, and Sunny’s physical distance they hadn’t gotten a chance to catch up properly.

Hero especially seemed to be getting a lot out of it, a smile playing on his face as he talked with his old friends again. For a moment, it seemed like there’d be hope for them after all.

“So, Sunny, you’re going to the college out here?” Hearing Hero say his name snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Oh, yeah. The Faraway Community College, with Basil and… Aubrey?”

She nodded in affirmation.

“That’s good, Sunny! I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there like that,” he smiled, “I know how hard that can be.”

Kel expressed his frustration with being the only one leaving, only for Hero to chide him, “How do you think I felt!”. Kel sighed, digging through the picnic basket for more to eat.

It made Sunny sad to think he could’ve had that kind of brotherly relationship with Hero, if things had been a little different.

At least everyone seemed to be enjoying the picnic, they’d mostly gotten everything right. Apparently Aubrey still liked watermelon, and Kel still liked Orange Joe. Hero seemed happy enough with whatever random fruits they’d put in. Of course he was all about being healthy. He wanted to be a doctor! That reminded Sunny…

“Oh, Hero. Are you still studying to be a doctor?”

“Oh, I am. Why? Are you interested?”

“No, I was just wondering. Honestly… it makes me sad you don’t want to be a chef anymore.”

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that, but it was true. That might have been one of the biggest shocks Sunny had when he left his house, finding the Hero had given up his dream. He couldn’t help but feel the guilt of being responsible. He knew it was because he didn’t have her anymore.

Hero shook his head and smiled sadly, “Honestly? It made me sad too for a while. But… I’ve found something I actually really want to do as a doctor.”

“Really?”

Everyone turned to look at him expectantly, it seemed everyone was worried about his career choice. Maybe as long as he was happy with what he was doing, it was okay? Even though the thought of him not being a chef like he dreamed broke Sunny’s heart.

“Psychiatry. I want to be able to help people in situations like us, you especially, Sunny,” he smiled, “You shouldn’t have to go through this kind of pain… no one should. I want to be able to make that better. For you, and any other kid in a similar position. Maybe if I’d known more, none of this would have happened.”

Like a therapist? Hero would be good at that. He was a comforting person to be around. It really felt like you could open up to him at any time, just the way he presents himself.

Sunny sighed, as long as Hero was doing something he was passionate about, he could rest easy. It got Sunny thinking about what he wanted to do in the future, he was mostly aimless right now. He liked art, that was about it. He’d really like to be able to help people like Hero.

“Sunny, you should take some psychology classes when you’re at college! I think you would like it, you seem like a curious person when it comes to that kind of thing,” Hero said, “That’s what I thought during mine, anyway.”

“I was going to take one! Maybe we can have the same class, Sunny! Do you want to?” Basil grinned, how could Sunny say no?

He nodded, “Okay. I’d like that.”

Aubrey sighed and leaned back, one arm propping her up above the grass, “Now you guys got me wanting to join in. If you end up doing it, tell me the teacher’s name, I’ll check it out!”

“Professor’s name,” Hero sighed.

Kel looked dejected, “Man, now I feel like you guys are just rubbing it in my face! You’re all doing the same class? This sucks!”

Aubrey rolled her eyes, “If you care so much take a psychology class of your own, I’m sure it’s all the same stuff!”

“It is,” Hero chimed in.

Kel stood up, dramatically gesturing to them all, “After everything I’ve done, planning such a great surprise for you all today!”

Everyone looked up at Kel.

“Alright, I’m sorry,” Aubrey sighed, “What’d you do for us?”

“Get ready for this! The new owners of Sunny’s old house are gonna be out of town for the next few days! They agreed to let us visit while they’re gone, check it out, they gave me the keys! They said if anything is broken or missing they’ll sue me to ‘hell and back’,”

“Wait, so that means…” Basil started.

“That’s right! We’re going over there after the picnic!”

Sunny felt frozen, back to the old house? He didn’t feel ready to go back there yet, it’d been a year, and honestly, he’d been trying to forget about his time there as much as possible. Kel was so excited though, and everyone else seemed to be okay with the idea too. Maybe it would be fine, so long as he had his friends with him. It wouldn’t be that bad.

He was there for almost his entire life, what could go wrong visiting again?

Chapter Text

It felt like a bad dream, standing before the old house. It was much bigger than he remembered, though that was likely because his new house was only one floor. The second story made his childhood home so much more intimidating. 

The outside had a fresh layer of white paint, covering all the blemishes and imperfections Sunny’s old home had gained over the years they’d spent living there. They were the first people to ever live in that house, every mark it gained was a memory of his family. Everything was different now though.

Basil had stuck close to Sunny as they walked to the house, he could only assume his friend picked up on his unease. It did make him feel better to know that Basil was right there beside him. 

A welcome mat laid in front of the door, “Welcome Home”, in some kind of fancy print. Something like that would have been unheard of back when Sunny lived at the house. His family had always been simple, and modest. The message almost seemed to be taunting him. He dreaded seeing the inside. Maybe it would help him move on from everything, seeing his home remodeled. He couldn’t deny there was a part of him that missed the security of the house.

He could vaguely remember the nights spent creeping from the bathroom to the kitchen, how often he would just sit at his dining room table for the better part of the night. Waiting, waiting, and waiting. For what, for Mari? He’d always end up returning to his room before his mom would wake up in the morning.

He’d slept his life away, but he didn’t have a care in the world.

Though the memories of that time scared him, he couldn’t deny there was something that still appealed to him about that life. This was something he’d discussed with his therapist before, but the feeling had only gotten stronger since he returned to Faraway. The call of the void.

 A small voice nagged at him, If given the choice, would you return to that time? He wanted to say no, but even he didn’t know the answer. He was never one to have a powerful will.

He had to be able to handle this. He was with his friends, it was going to be okay. He just had to trust in them. Nothing would go wrong. They’d all decided they wanted to see if the treehouse was still up, it remained when Sunny moved out after all. In some ways he hoped it was there, in other ways he hoped it was gone. 

“Sunny, I think you should be the one to open the door, “ Hero said, “It would feel wrong for any of us to do it.”

Sunny nodded, that was true he supposed, it was his old house. He stepped forward, standing on top of the welcome mat. Kel handed him the keys, and he slid it into the lock. The new owners had changed the lock, naturally. It only made the house feel more alien to him. His hand wrapped around the cool door knob. 

The door slowly opened in front of him, it felt heavier than he remembered. It’s funny how fallible memories can be, he remembered the door gliding open last time he’d handled it.

He stepped inside of his old home, hardly able to comprehend what he was seeing in front of him. His footsteps were barely audible compared to the distinct clicks shoes would leave before.

The hardwood floors had been replaced with carpet, the light beige color scheme long since replaced by elegant green and black furniture. A large TV sat against the far side of the room by the fireplace, where they’d kept their own TV. It must have been a fifth of the size of this one.

He hated it all. It didn’t feel right. 

But he couldn’t be upset. They sold the house, it only made sense the new owners would redecorate. 

He just really wished they didn’t.

“Whoa… it’s… different,” Kel said, “I saw a little of it, but not like this. It… feels wrong.”

“I don’t like it,” Aubrey sighed, “Doesn’t feel the same without that stained rug. And carpet? Really?”

Sunny slowly walked away from the group, as they talked amongst themselves, finding himself drifting towards the kitchen. He stood at the familiar counter, this was where he’d take the knife, he remembered. Something about knives proved a comfort item to him, nowadays he could hardly stand to look at them.

What was the last thing he’d really done here, make that steak? His stomach churned at the thought of it, it took almost half a year until he even felt comfortable enough to eat meat again after the ordeal.

He slowly walked out of the kitchen, his hand trailing along the counter and the walls, keeping his pace steady and quiet. Old habits die hard. 

“Hey, you okay?” Basil whispered in his ear as he returned.

Sunny nodded, and looked to the group to see what they were talking about.

Hero shook his head, “It’s disappointing how different this all is, isn’t it? But we have to have hope, the treehouse could still be there.”

“That’s right! It’d be more trouble to remove than leave, right?” Basil asked.

“It better be there,” Aubrey muttered.

The treehouse. Right, if the treehouse was there everything would be okay. It would prove that everything wasn’t so different after all. Despite all these awful changes there’d still be something left behind. Some memories of her in this place she called home.

If it was still there, maybe it would be left untouched, the new owners never stepping foot inside. Leaving it a time capsule of a time when Mari was still with them. Little things like that helped him feel connected to her, even though it was hard for him to even think about Mari. 

The new owners couldn’t be so cruel as to tear down a child's treehouse, right? They must have been able to see the childhood joy a treehouse brings, or perhaps they have kids of their own that would enjoy the treehouse. 

He shook his head, the thought of other people making memories in his treehouse made him sick. He wished he never moved out. He wanted his home back. If only he’d fought his mom, deep down a part of him knew if he protested even once they wouldn’t have left. If only he had been more lucid. 

He tried to gather his thoughts, everyone was getting ready to head outside. He had to be ready too.

“I’ll lead the way!” Hero said, opening up the sliding glass door that would lead to the backyard.

They used to go through there all the time. They’d play in the yard and go up in the treehouse to play cards, or just talk. It had been a safe place, everyone was happy when they were there. 

Sunny didn’t like to walk out there anymore though, he’d only done it once since the accident, and that was with his friends last year.

Sunny breathed in the fresh air as he stood in his old backyard. He closed his eyes, and it almost felt like he’d never left. The sun on his skin, the smell of grass, his friends voices, it felt like he’d woken up and he was twelve years old again. Was that possible?

A smile started to form, he eagerly opened his eyes and sighed. Cliff-faced as usual. Of course it wasn’t possible, what did he expect? That time had passed, and he was never going to get it back. He was stuck here. 

Life felt so cruel. 

“Are you okay, Sunny?” Basil asked.

Sunny nodded, “I am, I’m sorry.”

Basil smiled, “It’s okay, we were all just saying it’s weird being back here.”

“Oh, it does. It feels the same.”

“I guess it’s a good thing, but it kind of gives me the creeps,” Aubrey said, looking around the backyard, “It feels frozen in time.”

It was just missing one thing.

He shook his head, and tried to focus on what was around him. His friends. Things were okay. 

They all walked forward together, Sunny and Basil side by side. Leaves crunched under his feet as he tried to keep his head clear of bad memories. He looked to Basil for reassurance, and he gave him a smile. That’s all he needed to keep going.

Until the gang came to a sudden stop.

“Oh…” Aubrey breathed.

Sunny’s hands started to shake. The tree stump was still there. 

“Let’s just keep going,” Hero said, turning back to off a weak smile to everybody, “We’re almost there!”

Sunny couldn’t move. His eyes were focused on the dead tree. Why couldn’t they have removed it? He felt lightheaded as he stared, he could almost see something. Some… bad memories. If he squinted, he could almost make it out. 

It almost seemed like vines were enveloping the stump, rotting it away before his eyes. Tendrils seeped from the stump, getting closer to him. A flash of pain in his head temporarily blinded him and he stumbled back. He couldn’t be here. He couldn’t be out here in this yard. 

He couldn’t ignore the bad memories. The leaves, the sun, Basil. It was just like the day it happened. He couldn’t handle it. He should’ve known better than to come back here. He should’ve known it was a bad idea.

His breath was short as he stepped back more, his blood was roaring in his ears. He saw his friends mouthing something, but he couldn’t hear it. He saw the form over the stump start to materialize and he turned away to run. Basil grabbed his hand and Sunny turned back to meet his gaze.

Tears were forming in Sunny’s eyes, he hesitated for only a moment before he pulled his hand away and ran. Before he knew it he was back in the house. 

He was climbing up the stairs. Those same stairs he’d quietly slipped down nearly every night. Those same stairs he crept down the night it happened. He stumbled over the steps, catching himself and then running into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him. His hands gripped the counter and he lifted his head to look into the mirror.

He was a mess. His black hair unkempt, barely hovering over his shoulders. Strands of it covering his face, obscuring his vision. He lifted a hand to push his hair back. He felt the beads of sweat on his forehead. 

He squinted as he stared into the mirror. He could see something else there. It wasn’t there before.

The thing coming from the stump.

The thing from…

Something.

He remembered now.

He remembered everything.

He whipped his head back but it was gone. It was still here somewhere, he knew that. He remembered it would never just go away. It was still here. He frantically looked around, his vision blurring. He fumbled with the door knob, trying to twist his fingers around the lock to open it. Finally he pulled it open and ran to his room. He was safe there, he remembered that. That was the safest place he could be. The only place.

His bed! His bed would be where he was safe. That’s how he could escape. 

He stumbled through the door and fell to his knees in the middle of the room.

This wasn’t his room.

Where was his bed?

His eyes were welling up as he struggled to breathe. Was there nothing left? This room they used to share?

Black spots were forming over his eyes now, he couldn’t get enough air to keep himself conscious. He caught himself as he fell, thrusting his palm onto the floor beneath him, barely keeping himself above the ground. 

He found himself staring at the floor, gasping for air. This wasn’t right. He needed to escape.

He could go back, couldn’t he?

He felt himself drifting, losing himself. He’d felt this way before but he’d grounded himself, or Basil had stabilized him.

But… it seemed easier to slip away. It was so inviting wasn’t it? That crevice in his mind… that empty white room.

He could feel himself being watched, he knew it was right behind him, staring into him. Peering into his soul. It knew what he did. It knew he didn’t deserve forgiveness, it was here to punish him. He could never get rid of it.

He only realized now it had been terrorizing him this entire last year, he just couldn’t recognize it. The fear he felt looking into a mirror late at night, the unease accompanied by a photo of Mari, his dreams filled with memories he couldn’t recognize as his own. He was being haunted all along, he just didn’t remember.

He did now though. His friends, Omori, Something. He must have locked away this part of himself when he fought off Omori. 

It didn’t matter though, it was all back now. He’d invited it back.

There was a nagging feeling in his head that he should fight this, that he shouldn’t give in. He fought so hard to escape these demons of his, he knew he shouldn’t go back. He knew the pain that they caused, the pain that isolating himself brought. 

But… it was easier then, right? His friends, they were all always so happy. His life was simple. Mari was there. He missed her so much, and she was there. Why shouldn’t he go back? Why shouldn’t he disappear?

Afterall, Omori had taken care of him.

If given the choice, would you return to that time?

His wrist gave out and he collapsed onto the floor.

Welcome back to White Space.

You’ve been gone for a while.

Chapter Text

Omori sat cross-legged on the floor, just as he always had. He’d already completed his routine of checking his laptop, doodling, and petting Mewo. His tissues were there to wipe away the sorrows that seemed to never come. He laid down onto his back and stared up at the dim gray light bulb that was flickering above him. Soon it would be time to go through the motions again, just as he always had.

Right now it was different however, right now a great white door had appeared in white space. These were always his favorite times, the times he got to see his friends. He slowly stood up, and approached the door. His hand wrapped around the cool door knob, and he slowly slid the door open. It felt heavier than he remembered.

His eyes took a moment to adjust to the difference in color he was always greeted with every time he visited this pastel place. He saw his friends gathered around a game of cards, it seemed like Hero was winning, as usual. 

“Everyone! Look!”

The door slowly closed behind Omori, leaving behind the white world in exchange for the colorful room. Kel ran up to Omori as he stood in the neighbor’s room, his other friends rapidly approached as well.

“Omori! You shouldn’t worry us like that! You’ve been gone for so long!” Aubrey whined.

He stood there as his friends surrounded him, as they had a hundred times before. 

“I’m just happy to see you back, Omori,” Hero said, patting his shoulder. 

Had it been so long? It didn’t feel much longer than usual. Though, they always seemed to make a big deal about it when he came to visit, perhaps that was all it was. Regardless, he felt guilty that he had worried them. He should make a note to visit more.

Hero smiled, “Your sister has been looking for you everywhere, you know. You shouldn’t worry her so much.”

Of course, Mari must have been worried. Maybe that’s why everyone was making such a big fuss, she must’ve had them searching everywhere. It wouldn’t be fair to keep her waiting anymore. She was always so worried about him.

The room was the same as always, littered with toys and various nostalgic items. The unfinished card game laid in the middle of the room. It felt sad seeing the game lay there, maybe they could return later to finish it. 

Omori led the way up the stairs, and out of the stump, running south to where the picnic always was.

Though, Mari wasn’t there. Basil was, however.

Basil stood up from the picnic blanket and ran towards the group with tears in his eyes, “I don’t know where she went, but I can’t find Mari anywhere! I blinked and she was gone!”

Mari was missing? She was never missing. 

“Oh no! What happened to her?” Aubrey said.

“I’m sure she’s okay! We’re just going to have to search, we know how to do that!,” Kel said, “Like when Basil needed us to find his watering can, or when Aubrey lost her bow!”

“Both of which you hid, Kel,” Hero pointed out, “Then pretended to find.”

“Not the point! We can find her!” 

Omori felt uneasy, Mari was never missing, she was always there, no matter what! No matter where they went, she was always one step ahead of them. It wasn’t like her to go missing. He agreed with Kel, they had to find her. 

“I know! Let’s check my house!” Basil said, “I haven’t looked there yet!”

“Good idea!” Aubrey said, “Let’s go, Omori, come on!”

Before Omori could start moving again, Hero sighed and leaned down to whisper in his ear, “Don’t tell anyone else, but I’m really worried about Mari. It’s not like her to go missing like this!”

Omori felt the same, the disruption in routine was causing him anxiety as well, and he felt worried about Mari. He had really been looking forward to seeing her today, though he couldn’t place why he wanted to more than usual today. 

Omori led the way down, passing through the playground. All of his other friends were playing as always. Today it looked like a game of freeze tag. It’s a good thing they hadn’t come through here a little sooner, otherwise, Berly surely would have roped them all into the game. Even Boss seemed to be joining in on the fun this time around. It seemed that against all odds he had successfully been reintegrated back into society after his self-isolation. 

Berly ran by and jumped up, touching Hero’s shoulder, “Ha! Gotcha!”

Hero froze and frowned, “Oh no… I’m sorry guys, you’re going to have to go on without me. It’s the rules, I’ll catch up, don’t worry!”

“Hero! No!” Kel fell to his knees and pretended to weep, “What will we do without you!”

“Get up! He’s not dead or anything, let’s go get Mari! She’ll know how to help him!” Aubrey said, pulling Kel up off the ground.

Now a group of four, they progressed further south, passing through the playground with only one casualty. Surely the game would be over soon and Hero would be able to reunite with them, but sometimes these games went on for a while. If that was the case, they would need Mari to deescalate the game, or convince Berly to let Hero go.

Everyone followed behind Omori as they continued the adventure, except for Basil who walked by his side. 

“You know, it’s nice to have you back, Omori,” Basil said.

Omori kept walking, it felt like he’d just been here, but it was good to be back.

“I wonder what you were up to all that time away,” Basil looked at Omori, his eyes felt like they were looking right through him, “You’ve never left for quite so long.”

It felt like there was a hidden meaning to what Basil was saying, Omori was on edge. It was like he was being confronted for something. For what, he didn’t know. He didn’t have time to question it though, as they approached a flower patch.

“Oh no!” Basil darted behind Omori, grabbing his hand, “Look! A sprout mole again! I thought they’d all left my flowers alone!”

That’s more like the usual Basil.

There stood the sprout mole, it almost looked like it was intentionally trying to destroy the flowers. It was jumping and stomping all around the tulips, making a big show out of it. What did the flowers ever do to it?

“Those are some of my favorites! Please, somebody, do something!”

“I’ll take care of it, don’t worry!” Kel ran at the sprout mole, “You guys, keep looking for Mari, I can handle this one!”

Kel leaned forward and sprinted, throwing his arms behind his back, before leaping forward and tackling the sprout mole to the ground. The two rolled and skidded across the grass, keeping the flowers out of harm's way.

“Thank you! Thank you!” Basil cried.

Basil slowly came out from behind Omori, though he didn’t let go of his hand.

“Ugh! Now I’m just the third wheel!” Aubrey sighed.

“Are not!” Basil objected.

They all kept walking. Luckily, it didn’t seem like there were any more sprout moles to terrorize Basil and his flowers. It looked like there was a garden that wasn’t here previously, this one both white tulips and sunflowers, growing alongside each other.

“Oh! Do you like my new garden, Omori? I just think tulips and sunflowers look so pretty together.”

The group paused to look at the flowers for a moment, the sunflowers towered over the tulips, but what the shorter flowers lacked in height they made up for in numbers. They surrounded the stems of the sunflowers, some wrapping around multiple times. How clingy. 

“Oh! Oh! Basil!” Aubrey interjected, “What flowers did you say I reminded you of again?”

Basil smiled, as the group started walking again, “Gladiolus, Aubrey! It’s because of how unwavering you are in what you believe in. Like when you think Kel’s being dumb, you really let him know! Here, there’s some Gladioli now.”

The flowers stood almost as tall as Aubrey, a wide array of colors.

“Wow… they’re beautiful!” she said, “Like me, I guess!”

She went to brush a loose strand of hair out of her eyes, only to end up patting her hair, all around the top of her head, frantically with both hands.

“Oh no! My bow is missing!” she clenched her fists, “I bet Kel took it again! Ugh, I’m gonna go back and get him, you two find Mari, okay?”

With that, she turned around and sprinted back to catch Kel. 

Omori and Basil continued walking to his house as a duo now,  still holding hands as they were before. 

“I guess it’s just us now, isn’t it, Omori? That doesn’t happen too often,” Basil leaned against him, humming softly, “I’m really happy that you’re my friend.”

The sky seemed to get a little dimmer as they got closer to Basil’s house. An uncharacteristic red hue seemed to seep into the purple, slowly overpowering it. 

“Oh, let’s stop here for a moment, Omori.”

Basil stopped walking in front of a garden patch of tulips, white tulips to be exact.

“You remember these, right? We saw some earlier. They’ve always reminded me of you. They aren’t looking too good right now, though... Here! Help me out.”

Basil guided Omori’s hand to a nearby watering can, lifting it up with him. 

“You have to be very precise with the amount of water you give them.”

Basil gently tipped the watering can over the soil of one of the tulips, one hand overlapping Omori’s, the other supporting it from the base of the can. Basil looked up at the other boy and smiled.

“Okay, you try alone now, Omori!”

Omori went to the next tulip and gently tipped the watering can, darkening the soil underneath the flower. He repeated the process until every tulip was watered. The effect seemed immediate, all the flowers perking up. 

Basil took the watering can from him and set it down in front of the garden, before walking back to stand with Omori. Basil grabbed the other boy’s hands while facing him, his face painted with a soft pink blush as he averted his gaze from Omori.

“There’s something special about standing amongst the flowers, don’t you think, Omori?”

He sat down on the ground, crossing his legs and pulling Omori down with him, and laid his head against Omori’s shoulder.

“I wish we could stay here forever.”

Basil plucked one of the tulip flowers, and gently cupped Omori’s face, turning it to face him. He delicately placed the flower into Omori’s hair. Omori stared back into Basil’s eyes, the two were barely inches apart, and Omori’s breath was small and tense. Basil smiled at him. 

The two sat in the silence for what felt like an eternity, but not nearly long enough at the same time. They didn’t get to share moments like this often, their other friends were almost always there. Omori couldn’t recall a time he and Basil had been truly alone. 

Basil’s hand slowly trailed down his cheek, as if he regretted what would happen when he reached the end, before he finally let go entirely and slowly stood up. 

Basil sighed, “We should get going, we’re almost to my house.”

He extended a hand, and Omori took it, struggling to his feet. Basil gently tugged on his arm as he now led the way to his home.

“Thank you for the help, by the way, Omori. My white tulips seem to have a hard time supporting themselves, they needed a little extra help. I think it’s cute, don’t you? Everyone needs a little guidance every now and then.”

The tulips were now far out of sight as Omori continued to follow close behind the other boy. his chest still felt tight from the experience he’d just had in the garden with Basil, he’d never felt that way before. 

None of the other flowers seemed to need any watering, Basil was right about how tulips seemed to need more help. He wouldn’t have minded helping Basil out with more gardening, but at least they would be finding Mari before they knew it. 

“You know, your friends all miss you a lot when you’re gone. You always seem to know how to get us out of trouble.”

A wind blew through the trees, chilling Omori. Basil leaned against him again, as if he could sense his discomfort. His body felt warm all around where Basil touched.

“But you shouldn’t worry about us anymore, Omori. We can take care of ourselves.”

A cold fog rose around them, enveloping the forest. What had been a bright day had turned quite gloomy.

“Though, I appreciate you coming by to visit.”

The two stood in front of Basil’s house, an eerie glow seemingly coming from the door.

Basil squeezed his hand, and slowly pulled away. He looked at Omori regretfully, “The person you’re looking for isn’t in there, I’m sorry to say. Although, what is inside will help you find her.”

Basil looked upset, nervously fidgeting with his hands, a pained expression on his face as he avoided Omori’s gaze. 

He sighed and looked into Omori’s eyes, “There’s so much more I want to say to you.”

Basil began to disappear in front of him, slowly fading away. Tears were forming in his eyes, as he slowly shook his head, grabbing Omori’s hands as he stared at the other boy.

“This is goodbye, I’m so sorry that it has to end like this, and I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you,” Omori could see through the other boy now, “I had to get you here no matter what, even though I knew what it meant for me. It was worth it to see you one last time. It has always been worth it.”

Basil pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around Omori. Basil smelled of dirt and nature and the appreciation of the little things. Of flowers and an eternal summer, a dream that one would never want to wake from. Of the tragedy of the passage of time. 

“Please, promise you won’t forget about me, Sunny .”

Basil pulled back, and stared pleadingly at the other boy, tears falling down his face. 

“I promise.”

And with that, the flower boy wiped his tears and smiled one last time, and disappeared. The boy reached up to his hair to feel the tulip Basil had left, and took a deep breath, relieved it was still there.

He tried to fight back tears as he stood in front of Basil’s house. He had to do this, he had to complete the adventure or it would all be for nothing. 

He reached a shaky hand out to the doorknob, and twisted it open, slowly entering the house.

It was dark, and the floorboards creaked as he stepped onto them. The place looked like it was falling apart, as if without Basil’s presence it was already wilting away. Tears started to slip down his face as he looked around the now abandoned building. It wasn’t a home anymore. In the middle of the room lay a single photograph.

The boy knelt down to lift it, remembering what Basil had told him. What he would find inside would lead him to Mari. He slowly turned the photograph to face him.

A violin.

A familiar melody played, one that he’d heard an uncountable amount of times before as he found himself back in white space. 

“Sunny.”

The boy turned around.

His sister stood before him, as monochrome as the world around him, but his sister nonetheless. She smiled at him, and shook her head slowly.

“You found me.”

He ran to her, wrapping his arms around her as tightly as he could. She gently ruffled his hair, and grabbed his shoulders to look down at him.

“You can’t be back here, Sunny. This world isn’t for you anymore.”

Sunny looked up at his sister, she looked just as she did the last time he saw her alive. Despite that, she carried herself with a newfound wisdom that she didn’t have back then. A type of knowledge someone at her age should never be burdened to possess. 

“Everyone will be okay here, you can trust Basil. You need to make room for the next dreamer. You’ve outgrown this place.”

But he didn’t want to leave, he was finally starting to feel okay. For that time he spent with his friends he felt okay. He hadn’t felt that peaceful in so long, he didn’t want to go back. He wanted to fight it. He wanted to go back to five minutes ago, sitting with Basil in the garden, with no memory of his pain. He was happy. 

He wanted Basil back. He missed him. 

Mari hugged him.

“It’s not going to be easy, Sunny. I know. But I want you to know that I’m so proud of you,” she sighed, “I wish I could stay with you here forever, but that would be selfish of me. Your friend is worried about you, can you hear him?”

“Sunny! Sunny, please! Wake up!” 

Tears came to Sunny’s eyes, he couldn’t abandon Basil again. He had to be there for him. 

Mari squeezed him close, “You know I forgive you, don’t you?”

Something broke inside of Sunny, and he cried against his sister in the way he always wanted to. The scenarios that used to lapse over and over in his mind where he confessed his pain and frustration with music, how he’d sob and she’d hold him close. It was all he ever wanted. He clung to her and cried, soaking her shirt with his tears as he sniffled, letting his emotions out for once.

Mari gently rubbed his back as he cried, this was all he had ever wanted.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give this to you when you needed it the most. Can you ever forgive me for that?”

He nodded against her, the tears finally starting to slow down. He coughed, struggling to catch his breath. 

“You’re so much stronger than you’ll ever know. I’ve seen what you’ve gone through, Sunny. ”

He nodded again, taking deep breaths now and trying to blink the tears out of his eyes. 

“Sunny! Can you hear me? Please, somebody, do something!”

She gently pulled away from him, and smiled, “You should let the flower boy know that you’re okay, my time here is almost up, Sunny.”

He sniffled against her.

She nodded, “I know, Sunny. I’ll always be with you, I promise. I’m so proud of you, little brother.”

Mari slowly turned away and began to walk deeper into white space, slowly fading from view. Her voice seemed to come from all around Sunny, “You know what you need to do, it’s not as scary as you think. I’ll see you again someday, I promise.”

There was silence for a moment.

“I love you, Mari.”

“I love you, Sunny.”

And he was alone.

It was different this time. He could see the door still there, an eye was peering through the lock. Probably Kel. He’d want to look for Basil, or Mari, he was sure of it.

He shook his head, they weren’t there anymore. They’d sacrificed themselves to save him, he realized now that they always had tried to help him. They’d always guided him to the truth. Mari was right. He couldn’t stay here anymore. It was easier, but that didn’t make it right. It was selfish of him.

He missed Basil. He had to go back. He had to leave for good.

He found what he had come to find, though he didn’t know it when he entered. 

His hand was wrapped around the cool handle of the knife in his hands, when did that get there? This was the worst part, but surely he could handle it, just one last time.

He remembered his sister’s words, “It’s not as scary as you think.”

He felt a mutual understanding between him and Omori, having finally been granted full control of this body. For once, it felt like they were truly on the same page, truly one, as they should have always been.

He plunged the knife into his monochrome body, and collapsed to his knees. It didn’t hurt like it used to, instead, it felt bittersweet. Goodbyes are never easy, especially when you’re leaving a part of yourself. Friends you’ve just barely rediscovered. He didn’t know what was harder, the ones he got to say goodbye to, or the ones he didn’t.

He had to trust they would be okay, just like they’ve trusted him.

He gave a silent thank you to Omori for everything in his head, but it was time to part with this world for good. He knew Omori would always be a part of him in some way, the way he was supposed to be.

He closed his eyes, and when he woke up again, he was in Basil’s arms.

Chapter Text

“Sunny! Oh my god, Sunny!”

Sunny’s head laid in Basil’s lap as the boy cried over him. Sunny’s shirt was tear stained, and Basil’s wasn’t much better. The boy’s nose was red and his eyes were puffy from crying.

“Basil…”

Sunny took a deep breath, trying to recover from what had just happened. He was still on the tail end of the panic attack, he felt like he’d been asleep for eternity, but apparently it was a little less than that.

“I… I thought you were dead, Sunny…” Basil’s voice cracked, and he lifted his hands to desperately wipe away his tears, “I chased you in here and you were on the ground and you weren’t moving and you were hardly breathing and you wouldn’t wake up and i was shaking you and,”

He choked back a sob again, “I thought you left me!”

Sunny slowly pushed himself up off the ground, and out of Basil’s lap. He turned to face the other boy and pulled him into a tight hug, letting Basil cry against him.

“Sunny, are you okay?” Hero stood in the doorway, a small frown on his face. Had he just gotten there? The worry in his eyes was obvious.

“I heard Basil crying for help… what happened?”

Sunny pulled away from Basil for a moment and gave a small nod to Hero, “I had a panic attack. I think. I’m okay now.”

Kind of.

Hero nodded, “I’m sorry, Sunny. I’ll give you two a minute and tell everyone you’re okay.”

After Hero left Sunny turned and gave a small smile to Basil, “I mean it. I’m okay.”

He couldn’t worry Basil anymore than he already was, the boy didn’t deserve. Not after this ordeal he just sent him through, he’d never let that happen again.

But really, he was okay, wasn’t here? As okay as someone who just saw his best friend disappear and who sobbed to his dead sister could be.

“You’re okay?”

Basil’s innocent face stared back at his, eyes almost begging for reassurance. What was he to say?

“I’m okay. I promise. I just got a little scared.”

“Of what?”

Sunny paused, trying to decide if he should tell Basil everything he had remembered, the truth behind everything. Basil didn’t deserve to be burdened like that, but he knew the pain would only be greater if he didn’t tell him. And, selfishly, he needed Basil’s help.

“I… remembered, Basil. I remembered everything I did those four years.”

Basil’s eyes widened, his forehead wrinkling with worry.

Sunny blinked away tears and nodded, taking a shuddered breath, “I-I’ll tell you everything later, Basil. For now, I’m okay. I promise.”

Basil wrapped his arms around Sunny, pulling him into a tight hug. He smelled the same.

“Don’t leave me, Sunny. Please, promise me. You can go anywhere in the world… just don’t die. Please, promise.”

“I promise.”

Basil sniffed as Sunny hugged Basil back, his head pressed into the other boy’s shoulder. He always seemed to end up here, he hoped Basil found it just as comforting as he did.

Moment’s like this he wished could last forever. But it couldn’t even last forever in a dream, why should it here?

Sunny pulled away and offered Basil a smile.

“I’m okay. Do you know if the treehouse is still there? I want to go back. I can do it this time.”

Basil shook his head, eyes puffy, “I don’t know, I just chased you.”

“Well… let’s go find out, together, okay?”

Sunny slowly stood up and grabbed Basil’s hand, gently pulling the other boy up to his feet. Basil wiped his tears away and nodded to Sunny, showing he was ready. Sunny led the way out of the room, walking down the long stairway. It wasn’t as scary going down as it was before, though maybe that was because he was with Basil.

He wondered what it would feel like if he was alone in the house again at night, like he used to. Would he fall back into old habits? Or have they been conquered for good. He didn’t know which he preferred.

No, he had to focus on what was real. That’s what he preferred. He knew that now.

When they entered the living room they found the rest of their friends there waiting for them.

Kel ran to Sunny, “Hey, dude! Are you okay?”

Sunny only nodded, as Aubrey gave Basil a quick hug.

“Well… we can all head home now, if you need to get some rest, Sunny? That seemed bad.” Hero offered.

Sunny shook his head, “No. I want to see the treehouse.”

If it’s there.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay to do that?” Aubrey asked, her eyes soft and a sympathetic smile on her face, “It’s okay to turn back.”

“I can do it.”

Everyone looked at eachother, then nodded.

“Okay, let’s go back.” Hero said.

The group walked outside again, this time with Sunny and Basil leading the way, everyone else trailing a safe distance behind. The stump came into view, and Sunny didn’t avoid it. He had to confront his fears. Right? That’s what Mari wanted for him.

He stared at the stump, eyes darting around the area attempting to see anything. Any sign of Something.

It was just a regular dead tree.

As regular as a tree with a history like that could be.

The two passed by it as if it wasn’t there, going deeper into the back yard.

The big tree still stood, and on it, albeit worse for wear, stood the tree house. Too nice to be removed, apparently. Sunny wondered if anyone had even gone inside.

“It’s there!” Kel cried, running to the tree.

“Be careful with that ladder! It might not be safe!” Aubrey ran after him.

Hero sighed, and looked down at the remaining boys, “You two relieved?”

Sunny and Basil both nodded, and followed Hero as he followed Kel and Aubrey to the stump.

Sunny went up the ladder last, Basil pulling him the rest of the way up.

It had been completely cleared out, so people evidently had been inside. But still, it felt the same as it did all of those years ago. Everyone was sitting around in a circle, cross legged in the treehouse. It was only missing one thing.

But maybe that was okay. Maybe it was okay to make new memories. There were things that would never be the same, but his friends were making an effort. It was time he did too.

As he sat there he realized he was the only one that wasn’t making an effort. He could’ve reached out to Hero, but instead Hero wrote him first. He could’ve stayed in contact with his friends better. He didn’t have to only talk to Basil. He hadn’t been ignored, he’d been ignoring. It was time for that to end.

He wouldn’t ever make that mistake again.

He looked around the treehouse, taking in everything. All posters or decorations that had once adorned the place were long gone. All that remained was a small etching, “Mari And Hero Forever”. Cute.

When was the last time he and Basil had been in the treehouse? It must have been years. Truth be told, this place had been a hideout for him and Basil during the rougher times of recital practice. Sunny had been able to climb in the treehouse and play cards and talk with Basil without any pressure on him.

Often he’d be pulled away, but it was fun while he was there.

Sunny and Basil had always had that kind of friendship, where they could just sit there doing nothing but talking occasionally while lounging, but both leave feeling fulfilled. It worked well for Sunny, given how quiet he was, and it worked well for Basil, who didn’t mind talking without much response.

It was what set Basil apart from the rest of the friend group. They were all great, better friends than he could have ever asked for, or expected, given how reserved he had been back then. Basil had always been his best friend though, ever since he met the boy. There was something about the two that just clicked. Some kind of unspoken bond that always pulled them together.

Even in headspace, Basil had always been the one trying to save him. That must have meant something, right?

“It’s sad seeing everything gone, but I guess it’s to be expected, isn’t it. Are you doing okay, Sunny?” Hero placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I am.”

“I’m not!” Kel said indignantly, “They took all our stuff? What’d they do! Throw it away?”

“Kel…” Aubrey sighed.

“Nope! I’m fixing this!” Kel said, pulled a pocket knife from his pocket and started slowly cutting into the wood of the floor.

Kel was here.

And Suny.

“There! You like that Sunny? It’s like you got your treehouse back!”

“You missed an ‘n’” Aubrey chided, “And why you too? It’s just Sunny or all of us!”

“I wrote it!”

Kel apparently didn’t hear about the letter he missed. Suny, he didn’t really think that was how his name was spelt, right?

Sunny smiled, “Thank you, Kel.”

Basil looked away.

“Hey, no problem! They can take our stuff, but they can’t take us out of the floor!”

Hero shook his head, “Well, this is the first time we’ve all been back in the tree house in these last five years. I guess it could be our last, huh?”

“This place was always great though, wasn’t it?” Aubrey said, “We all made it into a real home.”

“I missed it,” Sunny said, “Did you, Basil?”

Basil looked to Sunny and nodded, “I did. We used to hang out here a lot.”

“We did.” Sunny smiled, Basil remembered too. His chest felt warm.

Hero slowly stood up, “We should probably get out of here soon, Sunny, do you want to stay up here a bit longer? We can give you some space alone.”

Sunny nodded, “Basil, can you stay?”

“Of course.”

The other three started to head down the ladder.

“Oh, Kel! Wait,” Sunny said, before he could head down, “Could I… borrow your knife? I want to etch something.”

“Of course!” he tossed the pocket knife to Sunny, it hit the ground in front of him and skidded towards his lap. The blade was still out. Seriously, Kel?

Sunny picked it up nervously, he didn’t handle knives unless he really had to, and he still felt unsettled from having to leave white space.

“What are you gonna do, Sunny?”

“Look.”

Sunny gently opened the knife and went over to where Kel had written. He gently pressed the knife into the wood, writing as neatly as he could.

And, Basil.

Besides it he drew a crude drawing of a sunflower, and by his name a small tulip symbol.

Sunny smiled at Basil, “This was always our place, I think. It should be remembered like that… and Kel’s, I guess.”

Basil laughed softly, and smiled back at Sunny, “I love it.”

The two sat in silence for a moment.

“It’s amazing this thing is still up, isn’t it?”

Sunny nodded. It was.

His dad had built it a little after he was born, for him and Mari to play in. None of them knew what it would grow to mean.

“Promise you’ll tell me everything tonight, Sunny.”

“I promise.”

“Okay… there’s something I want to tell you too. Or ask, I guess. Kind of both.”

Sunny smiled, “Okay. I’ll hold you to it.”

He liked the late night talks he and Basil would have, whether over the phone or in Basil’s room.

“We should go after the other three, shouldn’t we?” Basil asked softly.

“In a minute.”

---

“So… was it real?”

Basil was leaning forward on the floor, his legs cross legged and his arms firmly planted on the ground in front of him. He was thoroughly invested in Sunny’s story, which had spanned from start to finish. All of his adventures in headspace, how Basil would disappear, and they would always look for him. His final adventure in headspace, how he saw Mari. But how he’d seen her before too.

The question froze Sunny though, was it real? Or was it all just in his head?

“I don’t know. I don’t think it’s possible to know.”

“Well… what do you think?”

Sunny took a deep breath. He… really was there. Or Omori was. The pain was real, the emotions, or lack thereof, was real.

“I think it was.”

He nervously fidgeted with his hands, “It… felt like Mari. Everyone felt real… that Basil felt real. Like you.”

He reached out to gently touch Basil’s arm. Just as real.

Basil smiled, “I bet it was real then, Sunny. It seemed like you and that version of me were pretty good friends, so it definitely seems like a reality! But, Sunny… I think Mari was right. You don’t need that place anymore. You have all of your friend’s here, don’t you?”

Sunny nodded, “I know, you’re right.

Sunny let out a deep breath. It was hard getting all of that out, he had been remembering along the way of explaining it all. It was almost like he was telling himself everything that had happened.

“Can we keep this between us, Basil?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

He didn’t want the rest of the group to know about it, he didn’t know what they would think of it. He only really felt comfortable with Basil knowing, and even he was worried that he wouldn’t understand. But Basil believed him, and even believed him in thinking it was real. It was more than he ever could have hoped for. How could he have ever doubted his best friend?

“Now… tell me what you had to say,” Sunny prodded.

“Oh… I don’t know, I thought about it and it probably won’t work. And you won’t want to.”

Sunny tipped his head, “What is it?”

Basil leaned back, placing his hands into his lap,”Well… you’re gonna be leaving your house for college, right? It’s really far away.”

Sunny nodded, although he hadn’t exactly thought about where he was going to go when he left, he just got wrapped up in the idea of going to college. He started to feel stressed. Community college didn’t have dorms.

“Well… the college is kind of far from me, so I can’t stay here either. Not easy anyway, so Polly said I should get an apartment, and find a roommate or two, they have some right by the college so you can walk there. So, I guess I just wanted to ask, do you want to be my roommate? It’s okay if you don’t, or you have a plan, or don’t have a plan and just don’t want to! I don’t mind, really! I just thought it might be nice…”

Sunny’s heart sped up, and he leaned forward and wrapped Basil into a hug. He couldn’t help it, he felt so excited and happy from Basil’s offer. It was the perfect idea!

“Yes! I’d love to, Basil!”

“Really?”

“Of course!”

Basil sighed in relief, and gently hugged Sunny back, “I was so worried you weren’t going to want to, Sunny.”

Why wouldn’t he want to live with his best friend? He couldn’t think of anything better.

“Polly said that she’s going to help me pay, but I’m going to get a job too! I figure you can ask your mom to help, because I understand if you don’t want to work. It’s a lot, going to college is already a big thing.”

Sunny shook his head, “I want to help pay for it. It’s going to be for both of us, I’ll get a job too!”

“Really?” Basil laughed, a big smile on his face, “That’s awesome, I’m so happy for you! You wouldn’t have even considered it a year ago!”

Sunny shrugged, trying to play it off, though he couldn’t deny a small part of himself was proud as well. He felt stress gnawing away inside of him at the thought of a job, but he wasn’t letting that stop him this time. That was a big step, even he could acknowledge that.

“Well… do you want to help me apply to the college?”

“Let’s do it.”

Chapter Text

The trip had been a success, although Sunny ended up cutting it short by a few weeks. Now that he realized how official it was that he was leaving home he wanted to spend some time with his mom before he was gone for good. Basil had helped him apply to the college, and even helped him look at classes he might want to take.

He decided that he wanted to be a psychology major, although he still wasn’t entirely sure what all that stuff meant. Still, he knew it was kind of like what Hero was studying, so he wanted to give it a try.

His friends had all checked up on him multiple times throughout his visit, though mostly he spent his time with Basil. Sunny read the book Basil had bought him, and Basil lounged in the sweater Sunny got him. Sunny left behind his sketchbook with Basil, as sort of an insurance he would come back. He couldn’t leave that behind after all, and it should assuage his friend’s fears. Basil was interested in majoring in biology, naturally. He wanted to study plants, something about genetically modifying them? Sunny wasn’t entirely sure.

Still, he wasn’t sure he was ready for all of this. He had barely begun to rebuild his relationship with his mom and now he was leaving her all over again. She seemed okay with it, but he knew that he couldn’t trust that. She’d always act happy for him.

Lately he had been trying to accept his mom as a flawed person. It wasn’t fair to think that she was wholly good, just as it wasn’t fair to think she was wholly awful as he did before. She could have done more for him. He felt angry with her the more he thought about it.

But he knew she was doing everything she could to make up for it.

He’d been ignoring the anger, but sometimes it’s hard to block it out.

Right now, it was important to focus on the good. He wasn’t going to be around here very much soon. It was already his last week, the last month had gone by fast. That had been in part thanks to his friends, he had been talking to them a lot more than before the trip. He and Basil still called nearly every day, but every few days Kel or Aubrey would call, and Hero checked in every Sunday. It was nice having his friends support him again. He had forgotten how it really felt.

A suitcase lay on the floor again, just as it had before his trip. He hadn’t loaded too much into it, he still needed all of his stuff after all. All that was in there was a few loose shirts he wasn’t going to wear in the next few days, and a pack of pencils and notebooks. School stuff.

(4:33) Sunny!

Basil!

(4:33) basil! hi!

(4:44) Just one more week! Polly finalized all the apartment stuff! The first three months are all taken care of, so we just need to worry about after that! We can handle that, can’t we?

(4:45) definitely. I can’t wait.

It was true, he couldn’t wait. He couldn’t ignore the anxious twang in his heart at the thought of working a job, but he knew he had to. Besides, he had some experience running odd jobs around Faraway the year before. It couldn’t be that much harder. It wouldn’t be fair to force Basil to pay for the apartment entirely on his own.

(4:47) I’m not going to go to it until you’re here. We’ll be stepping into it for the first time together!

(4:47) Oh… also, there’s something I need to talk to you about, do you have time for a phone call?

(4:48) of course.

Like clockwork, his phone started buzzing in his hand and he lifted it to his ear.

“Hi, Sunny! So, actually it’s not really just me here, it’s more Aubrey needs to talk to you about something!”

“Hey, Sunny.”

“Hi, Aubrey. What’s up?”

Aubrey had something to ask him? He had no idea what it could possibly be.

“Alright, so… I realized, I don’t exactly have a place to stay. Or, rather, I do, but I’d rather move out. I was talking to Basil and he suggested I could move in with you guys. But I don’t want to impose or do anything without asking you! I know it’s only a two bedroom so I would be completely okay sleeping on a couch or something. I would help pay rent, I wouldn’t just mooch of you guys, but I just wanted to know if you’d be okay with it?”

Aubrey wanted to move in with them? He didn’t have anything against the idea. If anything, it might be kinda fun having two of his friends in the same house.

“We could even keep up the air mattress arrangement we have now and share a room, if you wanted Aubrey to have her own room, Sunny.”

The tone in Basil’s voice betrayed that was an ideal outcome for the other boy, though Sunny couldn’t deny it was one to him as well. The two had a lot of fun when he was spending his time at Polly’s house, late night talks and games filled their nights. He slept better knowing Basil was nearby, something about an empty room was stifling. Too many bad memories, he wasn’t used to being alone outside of those times.

“That would be great, Aubrey! I wouldn’t mind sharing a room with Basil, you probably have a lot of stuff that needs a room.”

“Yeah… I guess that’s true. But seriously, I don’t mind not having a room or anything. You don’t even need to let me stay.”

“Of course you can, I would love that.” Sunny said, a small smile on his face. It was kind of sad he wouldn’t get to have as much time, just him and Basil, but them sharing a room seemed like a fair tradeoff to him. He could live with it, it’d be fun. He missed Aubrey anyway.

“Okay, only if you two are sure. Thank you! I wish I could hug you Sunny, so I’m just gonna hug Basil twice as hard!”

“Hey! Stop!”

Sunny could almost hear the air getting squeezed out of Basil’s lungs.

“Okay! Bye, Sunny! Thank you!” Aubrey said, with a click.  

He let out a small breath, as he always did getting off the phone. He was always much more tense than he realized, he still wasn’t used to the whole calling out of the blue thing. Unless it was Basil, it was usually okay then.

Still, Aubrey would be living with him! Not only that, but now Basil and him were going to share a room! They were going to get to talk all the time. He couldn’t deny he’d planned to spend most of his time hanging around Basil anyway, but now he had an easy excuse.

He wasn’t sure why he always felt so excited at the thought of spending more time with Basil, but he chalked it up to a best friend thing. He didn’t feel that way about his other friends, but they weren’t his best friends. It’s not like Aubrey didn’t make him happy. Though he remembered feeling a similar way about her a long time ago… he must have just wanted her to be his best friend! And he thought he had a crush on her back then.

Besides, the feeling was always stronger with Basil anyway. He never had moments with Aubrey like he did with him, there was always just something special. Something about just being with him. A soft smile came onto his lips.

“Sunny, it’ll be dinner soon!”

“Okay!”

His voice was higher than usual, he had caught himself in a good mood. Though reality grounded him again. It was hard to feel happy for long, looking around all he saw was reminders of the past. Maybe it would be a good thing to get away from here. A room where she never entered.

Though, that was hard too. A place where Mari had never seen, how could he do it? She never got to go to college. She should have. She was smart, so much smarter than him. How could he ever live up to her. How could he live for her? The life she deserved to have. He stole it from her. Took it from her and gave it to himself. He didn’t deserve it.

Damn it, why couldn’t he ever be happy?

She was happy for him. He saw her.

That wasn’t real.

It was real.

He clenched his hands into fists, slamming them down into his bed. A soft squeak of the springs denied his silence, and tears slipped down his face. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve anything.

He should have died a long time ago.

Better yet, he should have never been born. He should’ve never gotten a chance to be here.

If he was never born she would still be here. Hero would be happy, Basil would be happy. Basil was plagued by what he had done.

No, Basil made a mistake all the same.

But it was because of Sunny.

But he still made it.

His mind was bouncing back and forth so much it started to cloud up. He couldn’t think straight. He didn’t know who he was angry at.

Maybe if Mari hadn’t been so tough on him.

But that’s not fair.

But it’s the truth.

Maybe it wouldn’t have happened. But that doesn’t make it okay. That applies to a lot of things. Sunny knew what Basil did was wrong, even though it was because of what he did. What he did was wrong, even though Mari made mistakes.

But Sunny’s mistake was the biggest. Basil and Mari just wanted to help. Sunny couldn’t remember what he was thinking. He just knew he was angry.

Can you blame a twelve year old for what they did? He didn’t want to kill her.

He loved her.

But he still killed her.

He shouldn’t be spiraling, he was happy just a moment ago, Mari didn’t want this for him. She told him as much, she wanted him to forgive himself.

But that wasn’t real, it’s what he wanted to hear.

It was real.

He buried his face into his hands. What a crybaby. Things were never going to change, were they? Life isn’t all that it’s made out to be, is it?

Hell, he should be happy! He’s going to college with his two of his best friends! People love going to college, people love having friends. He has the greatest life on paper! How could he get so lucky and be so ungrateful? How could he have ruined his life like this? Damn it, why couldn’t he have just been better? Why couldn’t he have just been more talented, smarter, better, kinder. Why couldn’t he have been the person Mari wanted him to be? None of this would have happened if he could have just played the damn violin properly. He hated playing music. He swore to never do it again.

The world is a cruel, unforgiving place. Why should a world exist where you can ruin your life so? Why is it so easy to change a life? To end one? Hell, he could take his own right now if he wanted. Why was it so easy? Why was life so fragile?

There was no longer a barrier for his negative thoughts, before he’d had headspace, when it was gone there was still a mental block, Omori behind the scenes, still helping. He didn’t realize until now he had been there, but he had. Still there blocking the truth of his feelings. He realized too late Omori had been right. The truth was simply too much to handle. He couldn’t take the thoughts in his head. They never ended. And now he was alone.

He froze, a single thought came to his mind, almost silencing the others.

You aren’t alone.

He wasn’t, was he? He had Basil. He had Aubrey. They forgave him. The rest of his friends, they did too. All he was missing was her.

But he couldn’t get her back. He had to accept that.

It was going to take a long time.

His therapist had said recovery isn’t always a straight line.

Children make mistakes. He was a child, not even a teenager. Hardly a tween. He knew he wouldn’t fault Kel, had he made the same mistake. He didn’t fault Basil, even though the boy was older.

“Sunny! Dinner’s ready!”

He blinked rapidly, wiping his tears away with the backs of his palms. He pulled the blanket to his face and wiped it. He was sure it wasn’t convincing, but it was better than going out there with snot and tears all over his face.

---

His mom hadn’t said anything, though she wasn’t good at hiding the worried wrinkles on her forehead. Sunny had quietly eaten his dinner before excusing himself to head back to his room. It felt like he had a long time ago, when he’d force himself to eat just so his mom wouldn’t say anything.

He laid on his back, staring up at his ceiling. It was almost midnight now, he hadn’t done much since midnight. His suitcase was practically full, he was just waiting to leave now. One week, seven days. How many hours was that? A lot, probably.

He had wanted to call Basil, but he figured Aubrey would be there still. He just wanted to talk to Basil right now.

It’d been a while, so he figured he would try.

(11:58) hi. are you there?

(11:59) Hi, Sunny! I’m here!

(11:59) do you want to call for a little bit? It’s okay if aubrey is there or if you are busy.

His phone started to buzz. Naturally.

“Hey, Sunny! Are you okay?”

Yeah, anytime he wanted to call this late usually something was wrong.

“No, I’m okay.”

He paused.

“Actually, no, I’m not.”

“Talk to me, Sunny. Please.”

His voice was so worried and soft. Why did Basil care so much for him? It didn’t make sense.

“I’m scared. And I’m sad. I don’t deserve any of this, Basil. I don’t deserve to get to go to college or live with you.” Or live. “Mari should have been doing it, not me, Basil.”

There was silence, but as always, just for a moment.

“Sunny, I know it doesn’t feel fair. But… unfortunately, it’s just how things have to be. I miss her too. She should have had this life. But… she doesn’t. And she won’t. You need to live it for her, I think. It’s what she would want.”

That was right, wasn’t it? That he had to live his life to the fullest because she couldn’t? It didn’t feel right. He didn’t deserve it. But Mari didn’t deserve to lose her life. He was right, life was fragile, that’s why he had to take advantage of it. If not for him, for Mari. For Basil. For his friends.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Basil.”

“Why?”

“For bothering you again.”

“It’s not a bother, Sunny. Never”

Sunny took a deep breath. It was moments like that that made Sunny’s heart heat up. The fact that his friend was there for him was all he needed to feel better. Basil was always going to be there, wasn’t he? No matter what.

That’s what was so important about them, what made them such special best friends. They would always be there for each other, no matter what.

“Thank you, Basil. For everything.”

“Of course.”

Sunny laid on his back in his bed, slowly closing with eyes with the phone up to his ear. He yawned, listening to Basil’s breathing on the other end made him sleepy. He couldn’t help it.

“Goodnight, Sunny.”

“Goodnigh…”

---

Basil wrung his hands as he stood on the sidewalk outside of his house, waiting for Sunny to appear. The sweater the other boy had gifted him was pulled down his arms, nearly concealing his hands. A deliberate action, though one he didn’t wish to delve into. Especially not with Sunny. His heart was pounding in his chest as he awaited his best friend’s arrival. His phone buzzed, a text from Aubrey.

(4:00) excited? ;)

His cheeks flushed as he stared down at his phone and he quickly shook his head, shoving his phone back into his pocket, disregarding the text. He bit his lip and leaned over the sidewalk staring down the street as he heard the familiar rumble of Sunny’s family car. He couldn’t control the small upward twist of lips as he grinned at his best friend’s approach.

He didn’t know happiness for nearly four years, but Sunny made him happy.

END OF PART ONE

Chapter Text

Basil’s eyes were squeezed shut, though that didn’t stop the harsh white light above him from piercing his eyelids, a dull ache in his eyes already formed. He knew he had to open his eyes, but he wasn’t ready to do it. He recognized the smell of the room he was in. Sterile, white. A hospital. He’d been here before, whether it was for his grandma, or for him he had been here. What happened? His body hurt, he felt sore. A fight, that’s what had happened, he remembered now.

What had he done?

He inhaled deeply.

His hands felt cold from unspeakable acts. Acts from the night before, from years past, from nearly every day. He was imperfect. Flawed.

Right? There wasn’t another explanation. The harm he’d done must make him inherently flawed, there was no way around it. He knew that.

What had he done?

Where did it all go wrong?

Was he born like this? Was that possible, to be born broken? If it was, he surely was. If not, it must have happened later. Though looking back, he couldn’t seem to recall a time he didn’t feel broken. When he was a child he felt joy, perhaps. He remembered how his parents had played games with him, tag, movie nights. It wasn’t always all bad, was it? It couldn’t have been.  He concluded he must have lost his innocence somewhere.

Maybe it was when they left the first time, the obvious answer. Life was never quite the same. His grandma took care of him, and Polly as well, a little later. He loved Polly like a mom, but it was never the same. He hadn’t had his parents truly there for a long time. Maybe every few months they’d have dinner, where they would ask him about his grades, his friends. They would always ask, verbatim, “How’s that Aubrey girl, she was cute, wasn’t she?”

They’d never understand, he’d heard the things they’d said about people like him. It was better to nod and agree, “Yes, mom.”

 Polly knew, that was enough.

Maybe if things had been different, he would have told his friends, he was going to tell Aubrey, but then she abandoned him. Truth was, she was the only one he trusted after Sunny left. Hell, he may have even told her what really happened had she not blamed him for the photo album and started bullying him.

No, he was too much of a coward for that. He wouldn’t betray Sunny like that either, no matter how much his guilt had grown. No, he couldn’t bear the thought.

He didn’t blame her for the bullying, he had deserved it. He deserved a lot more than he got.

He didn’t have the guts to tell Sunny either, even back then. He didn’t know if he would understand. That’s what he told himself anyway, there was a real reason he didn’t want to tell Sunny. But it's not like Sunny was like him anyway.

Even if it was so, it’s not like Sunny would like him anyway.

He remembered the dreams he had as a child, the fantasies of a young boy who doesn’t quite understand the world. How he saw him and Sunny staying best friends forever, maybe becoming more. He’d imagine the two of them sharing a home, again, just the hopeful fantasies of a kid with a crush. He knew it was unrealistic, but he couldn’t deny the dagger in his chest anytime he thought of his childhood hopes. The pain of young optimism being dashed. He'd sobbed countless times over what could have been.

It had been four years since he saw Sunny smile, saw him laugh, or even just seen him at all. It killed him. He missed him. He just wanted his friend back. But he knew he would never be back. He didn’t deserve it. Especially not now.

Maybe if things had been different, he would have told him. He had been terrified, but he was getting closer. He remembered how he’d grab Sunny’s hand, how even though the boy looked so cold he radiated heat. He was the sun to Basil. The words that came to his lips but were never able to escape. The words that would threaten to burst anytime he looked at the boy. The regret he’d feel after holding them in, but also the relief. There’s comfort in familiarity, perhaps it would cause too much change had the truth come out.

After all, what if Sunny didn’t feel the same? Worse yet, what if he didn’t understand? What if Sunny was like his parents? He didn’t think so, Sunny was so kind and smart, and Mari had been too. But what if?

It was no use, anyway. Sunny didn’t feel that way. Sunny had been undoubtedly in love with Aubrey. Constantly doting after her. That was the first time he really felt jealousy. It wasn’t Aubrey’s fault. But he couldn’t help but feel angry. He couldn’t help the tears that stung his eyes. It wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t fair to Sunny either. It wasn’t fair to Basil.

But who would like him anyway? Again, he was broken. Scarred. He could hardly stand to look at himself, how could Sunny look at him? He’d regretted what he had done from the moment he laid his hands on Mari’s body. He just couldn’t stop. He’d taken it too far; his instincts took over. He had to save Sunny.

Sunny was pure. Basil was dark, sinful. Maybe he could keep Sunny pure since he was already bad. That must have been what he was thinking. It was what he was thinking.

What’s another sin in his book if it kept Sunny in the clear?

His parents had raised him to be religious, to be moral. Always do what’s right. Polly taught him you can be moral without a higher power telling you to do so. He learned from both. For a long time he had thought he must be a demon, or at the very least already be fated for damnation. There was far too much against him, he simply couldn’t be a good person. He certainly didn’t deserve paradise.

Now he realized, he was just a truly awful person. He didn’t believe in God anymore; he’d lost that a long time ago. All there is is who you are, and he hated who he was. But what did it matter? It was all for nothing. Right?

It had been a long time since he believed there was anything left for him here. What was there, if Sunny was gone? If all of his friends had long since split apart? It didn’t feel worth it. He wasn’t even supposed to be here right now.

Sunny had saved him.

That can’t be right.

He used to believe that no matter how messed up he was, Sunny would always be there. No matter what he did, he would have his best friend there at his side. But Sunny left a long time ago, and he would never be back. Especially not now, especially not after what he did to him. He could hardly remember, just brief flashes of memory. But he knew it was unforgivable. Sunny couldn’t have meant to save him last night. He must have wanted him dead too. That’s the only real explanation. It was an accident that he was still alive.

A swing. Blood. The way he recoiled. The way Sunny fell to the floor. How he collapsed. He felt sick just thinking about it, bile climbing his throat. He forcibly swallowed. He must have hurt Sunny so bad.

His mind felt clearer in this moment than it had in years. All of his thoughts were lucid and sane, one after the other. No jumble or fog. A pure stream of thought. He could see everything he’d ever done wrong, every mistake.

The pain he had caused. But also the joy he had given. It could be true that he wasn’t all bad, that he’d done good as well. He’d made his friends laugh; in Sunny’s darker moments he had always been there. Even at the worst of the recital preparation he had been able to put a smile on Sunny’s face. Are all of those actions erased because of the bad?

Surely a person can be both good and bad, and it’s simply what you’re more of that counts. Or perhaps none of it counts. How do you know which?

And he exhaled.

He became aware of breathing in the room, breathing that wasn’t his.

Surely no one else was there, no one would be waiting for him. Everyone abandoned him. They’d be caring for Sunny, he’s the one who needed help. Basil attacked him, not the other way around. The pain all over his body said otherwise, though he knew he initiated it.

He slowly opened his eyes.

A smile.

He smiled back.

PART TWO

"I FEAR YOU"

The car pulled to a stop in front of Basil’s house and Sunny waved out the window to Basil. He was finally back! It’s not like he was happy to be leaving his mom, but he didn’t like the city, he felt so much more comfortable in Faraway, with Basil.

His mom stepped out of the car to help unload his suitcase from the trunk. He hugged her goodbye, and before he knew it she was gone. It’s amazing how quickly it happens. One moment he was living with his mom, the next he was about to start a new life. 

Basil stood on the sidewalk, a small smile on his face. It was hard to tell what Basil was thinking sometimes. Was he happy? Scared? Did he even really want him here?

Basil ran towards him and wrapped him into a tight hug. 

Okay, maybe he wanted him there.

Sunny wrapped his arms around Basil’s body and hugged back as tight as he could, which admittedly was not quite as tight as Basil. As always, the world felt right when he was in Basil’s embrace. He slowly closed his eyes, just listening to the sound of himself breathing against the other boy, before Basil slowly pulled away.

“I’m so glad you came back, Sunny.”

Basil looked down to him slightly, the height difference wasn’t excessive but it was certainly apparent. Sunny didn’t mind, he thought it made hugs more comfortable for him. 

“I told you I would. I could never leave you.”

Not again. He could never live in a world without Basil in it. 

Basil’s smile grew a little wider, now it was a little easier to tell just what he was thinking. Basil was just as happy as he was to see him. He felt like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders. Of course Basil was happy to see him, he was going to be living with him! Why did he always get so nervous and uncertain around him? 

“So… Polly’s all ready to go, if you want to get in the car? We’ll be heading out to our apartment, it’s only around twenty minutes away. Aubrey will get there a little later, she said she has to finishing packing up and tying up loose ends.”

Presumably with her mom. Sunny wondered if she was even lucid enough to understand what was happening, or if one day she’d wake up and notice Aubrey was gone. He felt sad for both of them. Mostly for Aubrey though, she didn’t deserve that. 

Sunny nodded, clearing his head, and followed Basil. He sat in the back, while Basil sat in the passenger seat, which made sense. Basil still didn’t have his license, and he didn’t either, so for now they were reliant on Polly. The apartment was within walking distance of everything they needed though, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. 

Sunny wanted to drive, but the thought of it scared him. Mari had never gotten her license either, although she was about to be ready to take the test. She probably would have been a great driver, she was always so meticulous.

Sunny didn’t feel confident, and from what he’d heard, a lot of driving was confidence. He wasn’t ready yet. But maybe one day he would be. 

Basil and Polly made small talk as they drove. Sunny leaned his head against the window, staring at the trees as they zipped by, a blur of green and brown. Grocery bags and cans were strewn across the side of the road in the grass. Even in a tiny town like this you can’t escape human’s disregard for nature. He didn’t like it.

“Are you excited, Sunny?”

Polly asked an innocent question, but it was something he didn’t know the answer to. He was scared, mostly. He didn’t know what to expect from college, he hadn’t been in a physical learning environment since middle school, maybe the start of high school. It was hard to remember, being honest. Either way, it had been a long time.  He didn’t know what to expect.

But he supposed he was excited. The nervous flutter in his heart when he thought about living with Basil, he was certainly looking forward to that. So he supposed the answer could only be,

“Yes. I am.”

A little simple maybe, but true. 

“You’re going to study psychology right? That’s what Basil said.”

More conversation. He could do it.

“Yes. I think it sounds interesting, and Hero studied it. He told me a little bit about it.”

“That’s great! I took a few psychology classes, they were definitely my favorite ones. I think they helped me the most. It’s important to understand others. Sometimes understanding others helps you understand yourself, don’t you think?”

He nodded, “I think so.”

“Sunny is super smart, so he’s going to do great! You know he got a top score on the GED! He’s gonna be amazing!”

Sunny saw a small smile on Polly’s lips in the rearview mirror.

“I do know, Sunny sounds like a really smart kid.”

She turned around to smile at him. That wasn’t safe driving. He made a note not to do that when he was learning. 

He nervously fidgeted with his hands, it felt awkward having the attention on him like this. He didn’t really know how to act or talk. Still, it was nice Polly was interested in his life. He wanted her to like him. She seemed like a really nice person. Understanding, if she was being nice to him despite everything he had done. She never once acted weird around him or Basil. 

Maybe she truly did understand others.

The car pulled to a gentle stop in front of a large apartment complex. 

“It came pre-furnished. It won’t be great, but there’s couches and beds. I think there’s a TV too,” Polly explained, “You two have fun, okay? I’ll let you explore on your own. Your number is 524, don’t forget. Ask for the key up front.”

She pulled out a small wad of cash, and handed it to Basil, “Here’s a couple hundred. The apartments paid in advance three months, so this is for everything else you need. Call me if you need help, okay?”

Basil nodded, leaning over to hug her. Sunny wondered if it was safe to do that in a car that was still on. 

“Okay, Sunny! Let’s go!”

---

The apartment was small, but at the same time bigger than he had expected. It was funny how things like that worked. There was a large couch in the living area facing a TV. He checked, it did have cable. There was a kitchen, two bathrooms, and two bedrooms. Exactly what had been described. Aubrey still hadn’t arrived, she texted saying she’d be there in around thirty minutes. 

Sunny had already organized most of his stuff, which wasn’t much. A few books on a shelf, a few cd’s, and a cd player. And of course the plant that Basil had given him. He sat on the bed looking around, Basil was gone for a moment. To the bathroom he assumed, though Basil would never specifically say. Apparently embarrassed. 

He smiled. Basil was cute like that.

Cute? 

He shook his head. 

He laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

Cute?

“Hi, Sunny! I’m back!”

He quickly sat up, and got up off the bed.

“I was wondering if you wanted to walk somewhere and grab dinner? We don’t have groceries here yet, so…” he paused, “We could also just order pizza!”

“No, Basil, that sounds great!” he pushed the thoughts out of his head, “I’d love to. Let’s see what’s around here!”

They opened the front door.

“Where do you two think you’re going without me?”

Aubrey.

“Oops!” Basil’s face turned red and he looked to Sunny, “Um… we were gonna get food!”

“You two already making me a third wheel?”

She was apparently trying to look angry, but it was obvious she was joking around. Sunny rolled his eyes.

“Oh, yeah? You think I don’t care?” she grinned, “Well you’re right! Cause I’m going with you!”

She hugged both of them quickly, before practically dragging them both along.

“Come on! I saw a really good-looking burger place!”

Basil looked at Sunny, and shook his head sighing. They’d have to get used to this. He didn’t mind though, it seemed kind of fun having two of his friends here like this. 

But, still, he couldn’t fully shake the thought from before off.

Cute?

Chapter Text

Faraway community college was a small campus, but that wasn’t such a surprise for a town so small. If anything, it was a surprise that it had a college at all. Sunny learned it pulled people from nearby towns, so it wasn’t just people from Faraway. That was good he figured; he wouldn’t have to deal with seeing too many familiar old faces. People he hadn’t spoken to since middle school. He shuddered at the thought. He hoped if he did see them, they wouldn’t recognize each other.

School hadn’t officially started, that was still a week away, today the gang was just doing a small self-guided tour of campus. The three had grabbed a goodie bags at the entrance, a cup, a shirt, and a lanyard. Basil threw the shirt on over his sweater, obviously already feeling prideful about his school. Sunny and Aubrey both abstained but appreciated his enthusiasm.

Kel had just left the week before, his college started a little sooner and was a few states over. It was sad to say goodbye to him, but he promised to visit as much as he could. So… twice a semester, at most. Oh well.

Even though Kel and Hero were gone, he got to live with Aubrey and Basil, and that was just enough for him! The three had grown closer than ever the last couple weeks. Truth be told, he had been worried that the closeness would cause them to fight, but so far things had been great! Of course, he expected conflict to arise at some point, but as of now he was enjoying the “honeymoon period”, for lack of better explanation.

“Check this out, Sunny!”

Basil called him over, gesturing to a large fountain. Sunny rolled his eyes and exchanged a glance with Aubrey, before catching up with the other boy.

“This is… really cool, Basil.” Aubrey said, “Nearly every day, we’ll be in the presence of this greatness.”

“Come on! It’s pretty!”

“It is, Basil,” Sunny agreed. It was, if he was being honest. A cracking but elegant brick, pennies strewn in the water. Hey, it was a cool fountain.

“I’m just excited, I know it’s not much.” Basil glanced to the side, “It’s cool though, and the flowers by it! I could sit here…”

What seemed like embarrassment seemed to quickly fade into a thoughtful daze as he stared off, before shaking himself off, “Well! Let’s look inside the buildings! We can check out our classrooms too! I’ve got all our lists right here!”

“He has my schedule memorized…?” Aubrey muttered, before following behind the boy.

Truth be told, neither Aubrey nor Sunny felt the need to tour the campus, they had a feeling they’d be able to figure it out on the day of. Basil had been so excited and kept bringing up how he was “worried” he’d get lost, so naturally Aubrey and Sunny obliged and went with him to explore the place. His excitement was admirable, Sunny couldn’t deny the excitement he felt in his chest when he thought of going to school with Basil either. Though lately he’d had a hard time separating what was school and what was Basil, oddly enough.

It was exciting getting to be with two of his best friends, and it was exciting to be going to college. Both is double exciting, right? Right.  

Still, that feeling of excitement seemed to be most prevalent when he was with Basil. Especially at this moment, watching the other boy excitedly jog towards the main building on campus.

---

Sunny leaned back in the chair and sighed; a laptop’s light glowed in the dark light of the kitchen. An excel sheet of job applications seemed to glare back at him. He liked to keep organized, maybe it granted a small level of control. Made it more fun to go through the motions. A long list of “NOTHING” read off the results column, he’d gotten a few calls and one interview before.

It didn’t go well, he had made a fool out of himself. It had been for a grocery store as a cashier, but he could hardly respond to the interviewer. How was he supposed to prove he could make conversation with customers when he couldn’t even properly answer a question? Another had just called him back today though, and he was happy about this one.

It was a small coffee shop in town, only a few blocks away from the college. It wouldn’t be hard at all to walk there. Being honest, this is the one he had hoped for the most. He had an interview tomorrow in the morning, his eyes slowly glanced towards the clock on the oven.

1:42.

Five hours and eighteen minutes. He should really be asleep, he could feel the bags under his eyes as he yawned. He laid down, but he was too restless. His stomach felt sick at the thought of the morning. He hadn’t realized how scary something like that had been, especially never having done anything like it before. Now that he knew what an embarrassment he could make out of himself he felt even more anxious about going tomorrow.

He leaned back again, his fingers tapping absentmindedly at the desk as he bit his lip. Shit, his leg started bouncing, he wasn’t ready for this kind of thing. He thought he was, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t even ready to go to college, what was he doing here? All he was doing was proving time and time he wasn’t normal. He could never just live a normal life. He shouldn’t be here.

He shouldn’t be anywhere damn it, what was he doing here? He couldn’t do this, this feeling was becoming all too familiar lately.

“Sunny?”

Sunny whipped his head behind him and offered a small smile, “Hi, Aubrey.”

“It’s late, Sunny. Don’t you have that interview tomorrow?”

“Uh… yeah! I do.”

She sat down in the chair next to him and frowned. Aubrey crossed her arms on the table and looked up at the ceiling.

“You know, I’ve been to a few interviews.”

“You have?” Sunny looked at her.

“Yeah, I have. I’ve worked a few odd jobs, had to get some money saved, you know? I wanted to go to college, but my mom wasn’t going to be much help,” she laughed, “Anyways, it’s… not that bad. You talked to Basil a bit earlier, right? About interviews, I mean.”

Sunny took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He’d been really close to complete panic before Aubrey showed up, and he tried not to let on that kind of thing to Aubrey.

“Yeah… he interviewed at that flower shop a few days ago. They basically just, gave it to him on the spot though! Apparently, he just started pointing at flowers and naming them, and saying what they meant in flower language… overqualified, if you ask me.”

The two looked at each other in silence for a minute, before laughing.

“Basil, huh?” Aubrey said, “He’s such a great kid, I don’t know how he does it.”

Sunny smiled and looked down at the table, “Yeah… I don’t think I’ll be able to ace an interview like that,” he laughed, “obviously, it wasn’t too much help. But I’m so glad he got that job, it means the world to him, you could see him glowing all day.”

“Alright, well, as someone who’s not a flower prodigy, I can give you some interview advice,” she sighed, “I failed a couple, there’s a dozen jobs I didn’t get, okay? It’s not always your fault. It definitely was mine sometimes, I’m sure it won’t be yours if this goes wrong again. Honestly? Just pretend you’re confident, I know you’re not, and that’s not a dig against you! I’m not! But just pretend you are. Honestly, that’s what worked for me.”

She shrugged, glancing at his laptop screen, and sighing softly.

“Thank you, Aubrey.”

The clock 2:07.

“Sunny…”

He looked at her.

“Basil’s a good kid. A really, really good kid,” she bit her lip and tapped her fingers on the table before shaking her head, “It’s late, you better get back in that room, Sunny.”

She shut his laptop, as if to take away his choice, and shooed him to the room.

“Okay, okay!”

Before he knew it he lie in the dark room again. Mostly dark. Basil had a nightlight he used every night, Sunny didn’t like the light much, but it made a pretty design on the wall.

He stared up at the ceiling and took a deep breath, before closing his eyes. This was it.

---

“Why do you want to work here?”

The woman tipped her head. She was kind and had guided him through the interview easily up to this point. She allowed him a moment to think before responding and made him feel comfortable. It was greatly appreciated from him.

He kept his hands on his lap, awkwardly clasping them or tapping them against his thighs. Mostly trying to keep his movements contained.

Look confident, like Aubrey said. That’s all that counted right now, he could do it.

“Well…” he took a deep breath, “This is honestly everything I have ever dreamed of in a job. Whenever I thought of myself working in the future, it was in a local coffee shop like this. Being able to serve people coffee and make their day better, I can’t think of something I want to do more. And this location has a huge plus for me, it’s within walking distance of my college, and my apartment!”

He finished with a laugh and a smile, trying to remember how Hero would talk. He was charismatic, he was honestly trying to model him. He hardly remembered half of what he just said, it all just slipped out in the moment. Forced charisma, he felt confident though.

She smiled and nodded, “The college? What are you majoring in?”

She prodded, Sunny couldn’t help but wonder if this would be relevant to whether or not he got the job. Was there a wrong answer? A right one?

It’s not like he could be majoring in coffee, he should just be honest.

“Psychology.”

“Why is that?”

“I want to help people.”

Time seemed to freeze around him for a moment. He hadn’t really thought that much about what he wanted to do, but there it just slipped out.

It wasn’t the full truth, obviously. He wanted to help people like him, that had suffered like he had. That were suffering, like him and Basil. And Aubrey, and everyone. He wanted to prevent pain or help it. He wanted to make it better.

“Well, I’d like to think we do that here, don’t you?”

“Definitely.”

He nodded.

It almost felt like he was back in therapy, but he had to remind himself that this was very different. Remembering that, he chose to keep a lid on the rest of his thoughts on the matter. It wasn’t relevant.

“Okay, Sunny, assuming you don’t have any other questions I think we’re about done here… no promises, but I think it’s safe for you to expect a call in the next couple of days.”

Sunny smiled and stood up, shaking her hand. The two said goodbyes, as she led him back out to the main lobby of the store. Basil waved him over, he had chosen to stay inside the store while Sunny was in the interview. Sunny raised a hand to signal to Basil he’d be right there, before heading to the counter.

Basil spent all that time waiting, might as well get him something for it.

He stood in line for what felt like forever, before standing at the counter.

“Hello! What could I get for you today?”

Wait, had he ever ordered something alone? He froze up for a minute. Confidence, that’s right. That didn’t change that he had no idea what to say. He really should have thought about that before he came up here.

He smiled, and looked up at the menu, mostly trying to buy himself some time.

“Um… just… a small, brewed coffee please. And a large tea, black tea. With honey.”

“Got it… that’ll be $5.22.”

Sunny fumbled in his pockets grabbing his wallet, pulling out exact change. He didn’t have a bank account yet, Aubrey had been hassling him to get one. She said he needed it, especially if he was trying to get a job. He figured that was fair. For now, though, his cash was enough to get him by. Maybe he and Basil could swing by the bank another day, he wasn’t sure if he needed to make an account too.

He handed the barista the money and dropped two dollars in the tip jar.

That’ll be him one day, right? Good karma.

He needed a lot of good karma to offset his bad levels.

“For Sunny!”

With a quiet thanks he grabbed the two drinks and sat across from Basil, setting down the tea in front of him.

Basil smiled, “Thank you, Sunny. You didn’t have to do that!”

“You didn’t have to wait here with me.”

Basil took a small sip and tipped his head, “Honey?”

“Um… yeah. I saw you use it the other day.”

Basil almost seemed to blush, but it couldn’t have been that.

There were a few moments of silence.

“So… I think it went well.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! I think so, anyway. She said to expect a call, so… I hope I got it.”

“I bet you did! Aubrey’s advice help?”

“She told you?”

“Yeah, said you were up way too late.”

Sunny sighed and looked away, “Honestly I was worried that was gonna mess me up today.”

He really had to stop staying up so late. He just couldn’t seem to turn his brain off, ever. It’d gotten better in some ways but worse in others since he first left to visit Faraway again.

Sunny finally took a sip of the coffee and winced a little, he realized he didn’t ask for any kind of cream or sugar. It was bitter, but not awful. He took another sip.

He looked around the café, it was mostly quiet, only a few tables filled up with people. Groups or couples, then him and Basil. He wouldn’t mind working here.

“It’s a nice place, Sunny.”

Almost as if he could read his mind, how’d he always do that? Maybe he was just that obvious. He looked out the windows, large trees cast beautiful leafy shadows onto the sidewalk. The sun was still rising.

“Hey… Basil? Do you want to go for a walk?”

They hadn’t gotten to explore much of the town yet, they’d walked to the college and a few restaurants nearby, but haven’t wandered around aimlessly. Sometimes that’s all Sunny really wanted to do.

“Okay! I’ll take this though.”

Basil picked up the tea and stood up. He walked to the counter and dropped a few dollars in the tip jar before heading towards the exit and waving towards Sunny. Good karma.

Sunny picked up his coffee and followed after, Basil held the door open for him.

The air was warm and humid as the two walked down the sidewalk.

“Do you like being back, Sunny?”

Sunny looked at the other boy, and then around at the town. While this area of Faraway was much busier than the rest of it, it was nothing compared to the city he’d lived in for a while. It was nice being back in a quieter area. He didn’t realize how much one could take grass and trees for granted.

He wasn’t able to walk with Basil in the city either, so that was a plus.

“I love it here, Basil.”

“I’m glad.”

Basil’s smile was genuine. It made Sunny feel good to know that Basil was happy he was there. He’d spent a lot of time the last year worried Basil wouldn’t like him there or wouldn’t want to be around him. Maybe… wouldn’t think the best of him.

Sometimes all you need is one person that believes in you to feel better about yourself. Even if you don’t think you deserve it.

“Basil… thank you.”

The two were stopped at a cross walk, cars flew past on the street. Standing on the edge of the street always caused his heart to pound, as if a car could swerve and hit him any minute. He clasped his hands together.

“For what?”

Sunny smiled at Basil and shrugged, “Come on.”

The walk signal switched.

“This is your shop, isn’t it, Basil?”

A beautiful small brick building stood in front of the two. Flowers grew around the outside, and what must be hundreds of bouquets were seen inside.

“Yes! We won’t be working too far from each other. Maybe you could come visit sometime? Bring a tea!”

“That sounds great.”

For a minute they two pretended he for sure had the job. It felt nice, pretending that. Almost like a good omen.

The sun was much higher in the sky now, it was almost noon. Aubrey would be expecting them, she was probably worried.

“We should head back,” Sunny said.

“Oh, okay!” Basil almost sounded disappointed. Sunny couldn’t help that he was too. He looked at the other boy and furrowed his brow.

Basil was looking the other way, waiting for the next crosswalk to turn. His hair was getting much longer, and unkempt. You’d think he would brush it, even Sunny had gotten better about that.

It fit him though, it looked nice.

People were going to think he was cute.

Sunny lifted his thumb to his mouth and started biting the nail. They were about to be in college, and he’d hardly even considered they should be dating people at this age. He didn’t want to, not really.

Was Basil going to?

Sunny noticed his fist was clenched.

Basil looked back at him, Sunny shook it off and smiled.

It was time to head back.

Chapter Text

“We’ll be meeting here every Tuesday and Thursday, as I’m sure you all know. I look forward to seeing you all more. With that said, we should get started here. Starting from the very beginning, psychology is the study of…”

Sunny tipped his head and scribbled down notes, trying to keep up with the professor’s rapid-fire lecture. Most of his other lectures had just been introducing the class and syllabus, he half-expected this to be the same. That was a mistake, however.

In a way it was a relief, he just wanted to get on with it already, and start learning. What was he here for, if not that?

Next to him Basil was anxiously writing, trying to write in a perfect cursive while still maintaining the breakneck pace. It’s fine to not write perfectly! Sunny certainly wasn’t.

Aubrey was at his other side, writing as well, though not as much. It was obvious she was intently listening. Maybe she was just better at retaining information. Kim sat by Aubrey, Sunny hadn’t seen much of Kim since he came back. He thought he saw her in his English class the day before, but he wasn’t sure. Maybe he’d get a chance to ask her later.

He really didn’t know much about Kim, but she seemed important to Aubrey. Any friend of hers was a friend of his he decided.

“The biological approach, well that’s to do with your biology!”

Bullet points, quotes, underlines. He felt like he’d been thrown back into a world he hadn’t known in years. His online school was nothing like this, he hadn’t had to sit in a classroom in over half of a decade. It was odd. It didn’t feel right, but he knew that he had to be here.

So he did what he was supposed to.

Psychoanalytical Approach

• Unconscious Desires
• Related to Freud
• Regression and repression

Was this stuff true? His professor seemed to think it wasn’t, and from what he knew he’d have to agree. Still, he couldn’t deny the concept was interesting. That the truth was beneath the surface? He picked at the skin on his thumb, wasn’t that kind of like him? He had issues remembering things, and he’d seen… odd things.

Didn’t his professor just mention repression? Hadn’t his therapist?

There was a gap in his notes now, he quickly tried to get back into it. Zoning out in class had consequences, apparently. That was going to be a problem.

That’s part of why he was here, to learn more about himself. He couldn’t let it get to him. But he couldn’t help that it was.

Another student raised his hand with a question the professor had just explained a minute ago, the professor responded as if he hadn’t. Sunny rolled his eyes.

“Okay, everybody! We’ll end early today since it’s our first day. I’ll see you all on Thursday!”

Thank yous were said as most of the class shuffled out the room in nearly single file.

Aubrey leaned over to Basil and Sunny, “Hey, me and Kim were wondering if you all wanted to go grab lunch… or brunch. It’s kind of early, I guess.”

Class was supposed to end at 10:50 and it was 10:30, so definitely more of a brunch.

“That sounds great! Right, Sunny?”

“Yeah!”

Kim leaned over and smiled, waving at the two. She was definitely a bit awkward around them still. That was fair. Did she know about him?

People would only like him if they didn’t.

He squeezed his eyes shut.

Shit, he’s in public. He can’t do this here. He opened his eyes and smiled.

Aubrey and Kim were talking, Basil looked at him and furrowed his brow.

Damn it.

He tried not to let on how he was feeling as much to anyone. Usually he did with Basil, but lately he tried not to as much. Now he was working, and had school, he couldn’t spend all of his time worrying about Sunny. It wasn’t fair.

“We should go.”

He tried to say it assertively, but happy. Confident. He was trying to be so many things at once it was all getting muddled up in his head.

Aubrey nodded. The four stood up, they were the last ones in the room aside from one other student still talking to the professor. Sunny mumbled a quiet thank you as they passed by.

“Okay, so! I know a good place we could go to,” Kim said, “It has breakfast and lunch foods… kind of everything, I guess. It should be good for today!”

The rest of the group nodded.

It felt kind of weird to be walking around in a group of four with this make-up. It felt out of the ordinary.

Headspace.

He shook his head. He had to get used to things being different.

The only real difference was Kim, but he was happy he was going to get to know her a little bit better.

“Here! This place, we used to go here a lot with the rest, Aubrey!”

“It’s good, trust her.”

Sunny and Basil looked at each other and nodded.

Soon enough they were all seated at a booth, two seats on each side. Sunny by Basil, Aubrey by Kim. A server passed by nearly as quickly as they’d been seated.

Aubrey ordered a breakfast burrito, Kim sunny side up, Basil scrambled eggs and toast and orange juice, and for Sunny…

“Um… same as him!”

Panic made for quick decisions. It worked out, it was his favorite way to have eggs.

“So… Sunny, and Basil. We’ve met, along time ago and last year, but it’s nice to meet under… more ordinary circumstances?”

Sunny nodded, “It’s nice to really meet you too.”

“We’ve heard a lot about you!” Basil said.

“Really, Aubrey? Is that so?” Kim glanced at the other girl.

“Well… yeah! We’re pals.”

Kim rolled her eyes as the server came back and set down their food.

Sunny poked at the eggs with his fork, dragging them on top of the toast. He picked up the toast and bit into it, some falling back onto the plate. Basil was staring at him. He felt his cheeks heat up. That was embarrassing. He went back to eating with the fork.

“Sunny! You’re in Smith’s English right? I thought I saw you yesterday,” Kim said, “back of the class?”

“Oh, yeah! I was actually gonna ask you the same thing. I thought I saw you.”

Basil’s eyes darted between the two.

“I’m just glad I know someone in that class. Aubrey is in almost all of them, so I was really stressed about that one. Outside Aubrey and the rest of the…” she sighed, “hooligans, I don’t really know anybody.”

“Yeah… I only know people in a few of my classes. Psychology obviously! And me and Basil also are both in the same art class.”

“We are! We sit right next to each other.”

Of course they were?

Aubrey sighed, “Yeah, I’m lucky I’ve got Kim here, otherwise I’d be practically alone in like, every class!”

“Aubrey, you’re trying to major in… social work? Right?” Basil inquired.

“Um… yes… though I don’t recall telling you about that,” she rolled her eyes, “You got that just from reading my schedule, huh?”

“You want to be a social worker, Aubrey?” Kim interjected.

“Yeah… you know. Helping kids out and stuff. Don’t need more kids like me out there with moms like mine, you know? We don’t need to go into it.”

Sunny nodded. He felt like he understood exactly what she meant.

“I think that’s a really good thing for you.”

He meant it.

She smiled.

“Kim!” Aubrey said, “You’re majoring in art, right? Graphic design and stuff?”

“Oh, yes! Psychology is just kind of something I’m interested in, so I’m taking that class.”

“Sunny is really good at art!” Basil chimed in, “I thought he should be an art major too!”

Everyone looked at him and he offered a weak smile, patting his lap with his hands absentmindedly. He felt embarrassed.

“Um… I’m still thinking about a minor, maybe?”

He was starting to feel stressed, but he didn’t know why. He had been fine just a minute before. Unfamiliar place, new person. It felt like a battery burned out. His leg started jumping. He just had to ignore it; it would be over soon.

He shifted in the seat, pressing his back into the booth.

Why was he like this? Why was it so hard to talk normally? Everyone else was! Why, why, why.

“Sunny?” Aubrey said.

He shook his head, “Hi, sorry!”

“You’ve never shown me your art, I was gonna ask if I could see sometime?”

“Oh… um, yeah. Of course.”

“Good! I’m excited.”

Sunny forced a smile. His art was really personal to him. He had only ever shown it to Basil before. He trusted Aubrey though, she would understand.

Before long they had all finished eating and stacked their plates together before standing up.

“I’ve got it this time guys, don’t worry, you can all go ahead if you’d like,” Aubrey was already pulling out her wallet as if to end any potential conversation or argument. When she said she was going to do something, she meant it. It was no use fighting.

They all nodded and thanked her, before heading to the exit. They mutually agreed to wait for her out front. It’d be kind of wrong to just abandon her in there.

Sunny yawned as they stood outside. He closed his eyes, trying to recompose himself.

“Hi! You’re in one of my classes, right?”

His eyes snapped open.

“Me? Oh, yeah! Biology, right?” Basil replied to the girl.

Why was this girl talking to him?

Why did it matter?

“I thought so! I’m Natalie. It’s nice to meet you!”

“I’m Basil! It’s nice to meet you too.”

The two smiled, before she headed inside the restaurant.

“Making friends already, Basil?” Sunny prodded. Was that anger?

He pushed away the feeling.

Basil rolled his eyes, “Apparently.”

---

Sunny sat down at the table again. Him and Basil had been trying to find desks for the bedroom, but so far, they’d only found one that was good enough, and Sunny let Basil have it. Besides, he wouldn’t have wanted to keep him up at this time of night. Which happened to be three in the morning.

Even though he hadn’t had much of real class sessions, he didn’t want to fall behind, and he had some required readings already! They went to the bookstore to pick up textbooks the day they had toured, so he already had everything that he needed. Right now, he was trying to read chapter one of his psychology textbook as Aubrey snored on the couch.

Thirty minutes passed, page three.

He couldn’t focus.

He had been feeling worse ever since school started again. He thought things were going to be different, but honestly, they weren’t. That was making him feel worse than ever.

Maybe it was foolish to think college would be the end-all to his problems, but he thought living with his friends would help. Sunny simply couldn’t deny the truth of the matter anymore.

He was sad. He was guilty. He was… upset.

It was getting a lot harder to keep it together.

He put a small smile on his face. It became a habit whenever he remembered.

Sunny pushed his chair back and stood up, heading to the bathroom and quietly closing the door behind him.

He locked the door.

He stared at himself in the mirror, this had become a pastime. Every time he was overwhelmed he hid away.

His chest felt cold. The lunch earlier replayed in his mind. The brunch. Why did he get so weird? Everyone definitely noticed. Why couldn’t he just be normal?

That was a stupid question. How could he be normal? How could he ever live a normal life after what he’d been through? How could he ever make different friends? Not that he wanted them, but if he did how could he? How could he ever form a normal relationship with anybody, with this hanging over him?

Word choice.

He felt sick to his stomach as he clutched the bathroom counter. How was Basil so okay? It didn’t make any sense. It seemed like there was a sudden shift in the last couple of weeks.

Damn it, why was he so unhappy?

He felt tears welling up in his eyes as he leaned over the sink, his throat felt dry.

Why wasn’t he better yet? He should be. He made it! He was in college! Living with this friend! It was the life he always dreamed of.

Why was he so sad?

Why couldn’t he stop feeling so guilty?

Why was he so panicked? So scared? He hated himself for staying up late, so why was he staying up later? Why wouldn’t he just go to bed? He hated setting alarms he pretended would wake him, he only got up in the morning when Basil or Aubrey shook him awake. Without them he’d be a wreck, he would’ve missed every class!

His hair was getting so long. He liked it, but would others think it was weird? He was around so many new people, he had to think about these things. He hadn’t in such a long time. It was overwhelming.

He fumbled with the lock, his fingers slipping off the doorknob until finally he opened it, trying to be as quiet as he can. He slowly slips into his room and onto his air mattress.

He pulled the blankets over his head and curled up as small as he could. It was a coping mechanism in a way. He felt so small. It made him feel better to acknowledge how small he was.

Like it was okay to feel small, since he was? But he shouldn’t be, he’s old. He’s in college. Much to old to be feeling like this still.

How could he not though?

And Basil! Basil was making friends. He was already making friends. Hell, he was probably going to have a girlfriend soon! Where would that leave Sunny? He didn’t want to date anybody! He didn’t even want any other friends! What was he supposed to do?

What was he supposed to do? He felt his heartrate speed up as he started to feel dizzy. How did it make any sense to feel dizzy laying down. His breathing quickly became more shallow and rapid. What was wrong with him? Why wouldn’t it stop?

“Hey…”

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Sunny…?”

He tensed up instinctively, before forcing himself to relax.

“O-oh. Hi, Basil,” his voice cracked.

“Sunny… come out of there.”

Basil wasn’t going to take no for an answer and pulled the blanket down below his head. A small frown was evident on Basil’s face as Sunny quickly lifted his hands to wipe away the forming tears. He pulled in a large breath trying to make up for the oxygen he’d lost under the blanket.

“You’ve been acting funny all week…” Basil hesitated, but didn’t take his hand off Sunny’s shoulder, “What’s wrong? You used to tell me everything?”

Basil looked so upset. Did he make Basil feel worse? Shoot, that’s not what he meant at all.

“No… I’m okay… I’m just tired I think, I’m… sorry.”

It was hard to talk, he almost couldn’t force the words out.

“Sunny… you’re crying.”

More tears were slipping down his face, he didn’t even notice it happen. He almost laughed, he thought he was going to be able to hide it. That’s so annoying of him. So embarrassing. To think Basil had been so okay and here he was, crying on the floor.

“What’s wrong… please, tell me?”

He had to just tell him. He knew Basil, he knew he wouldn’t leave him alone. Maybe he wouldn’t say everything, especially not the stuff about Basil leaving him… probably.

Basil always knew what to say.

“I’m… I’m still not happy, Basil,” he sniffed, “I thought I would, being in college. I’m not. I feel worse. I miss her.”

Basil nodded. Clear encouragement. It started to feel easier to talk.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I…” he couldn’t say that, that was weird. It was weird to be scared of Basil making other friends, “I just… don’t know how I can ever be normal.”

He would talk the other stuff.

“What do you mean?”

“I… what I did. You know, everyone in the gang knows, so… it’s kind of okay. But nobody else knows. I feel like… I can’t know others because of that. I can’t be in public.”

Any relationship he had with another person would be fully conditional on the fact that they didn’t know the truth about him. That’s all he would be able to think about. But he couldn’t ever tell them. He didn’t know how to articulate that in words.

“It’s impossible to forget, isn’t it, Sunny?” Basil sighed and placed both his hands behind himself leaning back, “I can’t either.”

Sunny slowly moved to sit up besides the other boy.

Basil bit his lip, softly illuminated by the nightlight, “You know, it got better for a little while. I went a while without…” he trailed off, and shook his head with a smile, “without feeling bad. It got hard again. Last month or so. I thought it’d be better too.”

That was a weird pause. Before he could say anything, Basil kept talking.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever feel okay, Sunny,” he glanced at the boy, “But… when I look at you, or when I’m with you… I remember when I wasn’t. And I’m so grateful to have my best friend with me again. You make me happy. I’m already taking it for granted, to be honest. I get to live with my two best friends in the whole world.”

Sunny smiled. That was true, wasn’t it? They had a lot of good going for them right now. That’s what made it so hard to be sad though, wasn’t it? That he should be happy.

“What do you think Mari would think of me?” Sunny whispered.

“You know… psychology was her favorite class in high school, you remember that? And she always loved your art. Hey! She told you herself she was proud, didn’t she? She’d be so proud of you, Sunny. And she is.”

Sunny nodded, blinking quickly. He took a deep breath and nodded again.

“Sunny… it’s going to be hard. For both of us. But we have each other, okay?”

“Okay.”

The word was almost less than a breath. But it meant a lot more than that.

There was silence for a moment as Sunny yawned, with Basil following suit a second after.

“Hey… have you heard back from that job yet?”

“No… it’s still just a few days. I don’t know though. I think I messed it up.”

Basil smiled, “I’m sure they’ll get back to you.”

He shook his head, “You start tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah… at 6,” he laughed.

“In the morning?”

“Yeah…”

“Basil! You need to go to sleep!”

He smiled, “It’s okay, I will. Don’t worry.”

Another moment of silence. Basil was obviously exhausted.

“Um… thank you. I appreciate this, Basil.”

Basil nodded and slowly stood up before pausing, patting Sunny’s head and swiftly pulling his hand away.

“Sorry.”

Sunny smiled. Basil was funny.

He curled up in a ball again under his blankets. There were tears in his eyes, but a small smile on his face too.

“Goodnight, Basil.”

“Goodnight, Sunny.”

Chapter Text

“Okay, I’ll see you guys soon!”

Aubrey and Sunny waved their goodbyes as Basil left for work, before quickly returning to their previous stations. For Aubrey this was to the table in the kitchen, for Sunny it was to his and Basil’s room. It had been a couple weeks since the first brunch with Kim and the rest, and they’d had a few more since then. Sunny was starting to fall into a shaky routine, though it wasn’t easy to keep up with. He yawned, sitting at his new desk-chair. They had found a desk at a thrift store, so now they both had one, not that Basil was home that often anymore anyway.

It’s not like he worked that much, it couldn’t be more than twenty hours a week. It just felt like a lot, especially when Sunny himself still hadn’t heard back from any jobs. Plus, sometimes Basil took a little longer to get back from work. Apparently, he liked to take walks around the neighborhood. Sunny was much too scared to do that alone. He kind of wanted to go with Basil, but he was always done by the time he would be ready.

That was beside the point though, he was about to give up his job search at this point. He really thought he was going to get the coffee shop, but no luck. Maybe it was for the best though,

Things weren’t getting much easier, but at least he was getting used to it.

His classes hadn’t been too difficult yet, only a few quizzes in some of them, which wasn’t anything that he couldn’t handle. He had actually been enjoying his studies, it was just hard to stay motivated at times. That was probably true for everyone though, so he tried not to dwell on that.

He missed that first week of classes where Basil hadn’t been working nearly as much, and they’d done a lot of studying together. They only really got to hang out at nights now. It wasn’t like he didn’t have two free days a week, it was just inconsistent. Sunny knew he had to get used to it though, this was life. One day they’d have even less time for each other. One day, they’d probably have none.

Wasn’t that how these things went?

There was a knock at his door.

“Come in!”

Aubrey entered the room and looked around, glancing at Sunny’s screen. Blank word document.

“Um… well, it’s totally okay if you’re in the middle of something, but I was gonna ask if you wanted to get lunch somewhere? Basil’s out and Kim’s busy and… honestly, I wanna talk to you about something. That cool?” she absentmindedly tapped her fist against the doorframe.

Sunny felt concern prick in his chest, but he nodded, ‘Yeah, that sounds great. I’ll be right there.”

He knelt down besides his desk and pulled his black socks up before slipping into his converse. He paused for a second, before tying the knot. Almost as if the action required a certain degree of forethought. The shoes were also found from a thrift store. They kind of fit.

He felt stressed about what Aubrey was going to tell him, but she didn’t sound particularly upset or worried when she said it. It couldn’t be anything bad, right? Honestly, serious talks were a big deal when it came to Aubrey, so he had no idea what to expect.

He tried not to let his nerves get the best of him, but his leg was jumping before he stood up.

He threw on the black hoodie that had been laying over the back of his chair, before leaving his room. It was a chilly September this year, he figured it was best to be prepared. Aubrey waved him over, opening the door for him.

She was always going out of her way to make things a little easier for him. He realized how hard his life had been without her around. She might not seem like it, but she was a really thoughtful person.

The two walked mostly in silence to the same place they usually all went together. Why fix what wasn’t broken, he supposed. It was good there.

Sunny ordered what he usually got, so Basil’s regular. Scrambled eggs and toast with orange juice. Can’t go wrong with that. Aubrey mixed it up today, just getting sunny side up. Something gave Sunny the idea that a breakfast burrito doesn’t exactly go with serious discussions.

Though if anyone could make that work…

Aubrey sighed as the two waited for their food.

“Sunny… how are you? Honestly.”

Sunny offered a smile, “Uh…” it wasn’t much use lying to Aubrey, she always could seem to see right through him.

 “You know, not the greatest.”

She nodded, “Yeah… I know. Same here.”

Silence.

“It seems like things won’t really get much better, huh? Not with her gone.”

Sunny winced, but Aubrey’s gaze was soft. It wasn’t meant to be an attack.

He nodded.

“You know, I don’t really care for my hair color. Well, I like it, but… well, I’m sure you remember, I wanted it to be purple. But… it didn’t feel right to do that without Mari, you know?”

He nodded again.

“Maybe one day though.”

“I think she would want that.”

It came out as a whisper, though he didn’t mean for it too. It was just hard for him to talk about Mari.

The waiter placed their food in front of them. Sunny took a small sip of orange juice.

“I’m sorry. It must be so much harder for you to hear about this than it is for me to think about it.”

“No, it’s okay.”

It honestly was. Sometimes it helped him to talk about her. Made it feel like she was still there. His heart was heavy, but he smiled.

“Um… has it been hard? Having to not be in therapy anymore?”

He nodded. It honestly had been difficult. It wasn’t like he ever had medication or anything, but it was difficult not being able to talk things through with his therapist anymore.

Though, having Aubrey and Basil offset that a little bit.

“A little bit, but it’s okay. You guys help.”

Aubrey nodded, “Just wondering. Sometimes I think I’d benefit, you know?”

The two sat in silence.

“Anyway… that’s not why I wanted to talk to you, Sunny.”

Oh. He had kind of assumed it was. It would be pretty weird to take him out to eat just to talk about Mari, he guessed. They did enough of that at home. But it would have been okay regardless.

“So… Basil knows this already, and I’m like, one-hundred percent positive you’re okay with it, so I just kind of want to let you know, I guess. You’ll be… the second person to know! In the world! Uh, far as I know. So that’s exciting, for you. I think. I mean only you could say.”

Aubrey didn’t get awkward like that very often. Sunny tipped his head, prodding her to go on.                                                                                                                                                                      

“Alright, Sunny. Here it is. So basically… I like girls. Like… you know. I don’t wanna date guys. Well, not as much. I don’t know. It’s like that! And… like that with Kim, which is mostly why I’m telling you, because I’m kind of inviting her over for dinner so like I want you to know what’s going on there because like I don’t know if she likes me I know she likes girls though but I don’t know we hang out  a lot and stuff but I’m just telling you so it’s like you know not a weird… surprise. And… I guess I also just kind of want you to know.”

She took a breath.

“So, um. You get it.”

Sunny smiled.

He did.

“I think she likes you.”

Aubrey rolled her eyes and laughed, “OK, Sunny.”

She sighed.

“Thank you.”

He felt like he understood her a little bit better now. And… a lot of things made sense. Honestly, hearing it he felt like it was something he had always known deep down, and just never really thought about.

“Well, I definitely feel super dumb now.”

“Why?”

“That dumb crush I had on you”

“Oh, that,” Aubrey rolled her eyes, “I think you were more concerned about someone else, anyway.”

“Who?”

Aubrey laughed, “You’ll figure it out, you’re smart. You were a funny kid though, that’s for sure. I think we all were, a little. It’s why we still get along.”

Sunny nodded and let out a small sigh. He hadn’t realized how tense he was ever since Aubrey pulled him out of the house. Honestly, what could have possibly been bad? He didn’t understand himself sometimes.

“For the record, though, Sunny, I thought you were cute.”

She rolled her eyes again and shooed him as he reached for his wallet, “It’s on me, I’ll meet you back home.”

---

Aubrey opened the front door for him. Sunny didn’t leave the diner like Aubrey had asked of him, instead choosing to wait outside for her to leave too. He didn’t like walking alone too much, but it also felt impolite.

Being completely honest though, he was just scared to walk alone.

“Hey, do you think I could see some of your art? If you’re comfortable, anyway.”

It’d only been an hour and a half since Basil left the house, he’d probably be gone another three or so hours. Bonding time for him and Aubrey, as Basil put it. Basil wasn’t far from the truth though, he felt closer to Aubrey than he ever had before. He was coming to really value their friendship.

And because of that…

“Um… sure! I’ll go get my book.”

Sketchbook. Why’d he call it a book? That’s weird. He sighed and shook his head as he went to his room and picked the book up off his desk. He sat on the couch in the living room and Aubrey plopped herself down besides him, leaning over the book.

The sketchbook.

Sunny slowly opened it, gently flipping through pages, though leaving each one exposed for a couple seconds. Enough to get a look, but not enough to catch all the imperfections or details.

Cats, people, trees… odd creatures. Things he remembered. Anything that came to mind.

Aubrey gently put her hand down on a page to stop Sunny from flipping it.

“I didn’t realize until now, but she looked a lot like you, Sunny. Especially now.”

Mari’s smiling face shone from the paper. Honestly, he didn’t even remember drawing it. Well, he kind of did. It must have been a weird night, back at his Mom’s.

She did look a lot like him, he couldn’t deny it. The longer his hair got the more he saw her in the mirror. Honestly, that might be why he hasn’t cut it. Or maybe he just likes it. He shook his head; it was hard to know what what was what sometimes.

He nodded slowly, “She does.”

He smiled.

It felt nice to have something in common with her like that. Her smiling face shone at him through the paper.

“There’s Mewo too, huh?” she paused, “Hey… where is that cat?”

“My dad’s.”

A short answer. It said everything that needed to be said.

“Oh…”

Sunny shrugged, slowly closing the sketch book. They’d practically reached the end. Just some… practice sketches of Basil towards the end.

“It’s okay, it’s been a while. Said he didn’t want me around her.”

There was silence for a moment.

“Hey… so… it’s okay if this is a little personal… did your parents know what happened? You don’t need to answer or anything, you can like, ignore me or something.”

Sunny pursed his lips, and sat for a moment, starting down at his book, fidgeting with his hands.

“Um… no, it’s okay. my mom said she knew, and my dad left so… can kind of assume he did,” he laughed bitterly, “but… that’s kind of funny because I guess.. I… didn’t know?”

Aubrey tipped her head.

Yeah, that didn’t really make much sense.

“Um… so… I told Basil this… and… I guess you should know too? I mean you told me about you so…”

“Mhm…?”

He started the long explanation of what he’d been up to in those four years. Headspace, Omori, his friends. What happened after, his amnesia. When he went back. When he saw Mari.

“So… I’m sorry I didn’t reach out… or… apologize… I told you as soon as I remembered…”

It was quiet after he finished, but he felt her arms wrap around him. She hugged him for a couple minutes, before letting go.

“Okay… not quite what I expected. But, I should’ve been there for you, Sunny. I’m sorry. That wasn’t your fault.”

“Um… do you think it was real?”

“That’s a long time for something that’s imaginary.”

Sunny smiled.

He knew he could trust her.

“Hey… if anything like that ever happens again… you can talk to me, okay? Me and Basil, we’re both here for you, okay? Especially, you know, parent stuff. I get it. And Basil definitely does too.”

Sunny hugged her back.

Aubrey smiled.

“Oh… Sunny, speaking of Basil… could you check up on him sometime? Me and him got close this last year and… sometimes he acts a certain way. He won’t talk to me though. Can you try to find out what’s going on?”

Sunny’s heart started to tighten. He didn’t even notice anything. Sure, he seemed a little quieter, but he assumed he was tired. Was there something wrong?

“Don’t stress, I’m sure he’s fine!” she reassured, picking up on his stress, “Just, you know, the guy needs to be checked in with every now and then.”

Sunny nodded and took a deep breath.

It was all going to be okay.

---

“Kim! Hi!”

Aubrey opened the door for her while Basil and Sunny laid back on the couch. Basil seemed fine enough, they’d been talking like normal. Four boxes of pizza sat on the table, maybe a little overkill for four people, but Kim was planning on staying the night, so they were gonna need it.

“Hi!” she replied, “Thanks for having me!”

Sunny and Basil both stood up to greet her, before nearly immediately rushing to the table. Kim was more than a little bit late, and they were starving. Aubrey was obviously much happier now that she was here too.

Sunny sat by Basil as the table, having two slices on his plate to Basil’s one. Basil just wanted a plain cheese pizza; he was kind of picky. But, he did want oregano on it. Figures.

“So… you all sure you’re okay with me spending the night? I really don’t have to.”

“Of course, it’s okay! Right guys?”

Both Sunny and Basil nodded assuredly, it was fun having company, honestly. Kim was nice. She definitely fit into the group’s dynamic well, a calm foil to Aubrey.

Still, Sunny couldn’t shake the thought in the back of his head every time he saw Basil. He felt like he was so close to piecing together, there was something that he was missing.

Basil smiled and gave a quick excuse to resign to his room for a moment.

Sunny watched the other boy go, glancing at Aubrey who only shrugged.

A few moments passed; Sunny looked around the room. Basil still wasn’t back. He put his plate in the sink.  

Sunny excused himself to the bathroom.

He stared in the mirror.

His mind started to wander. He paced across the bathroom biting his lip, he couldn’t focus. His peripheral vision showed his thin frame wandering. A clean bathroom, gray rug, slightly open trashcan.

Basil.

Basil.

Basil.

He’d been weird lately.

Basil.

The way he’d excuse himself and duck out.

How he’d leave the room in the middle of the night.

Why would he leave for so long?

Basil.

How his smile got more strained every day.

Basil.

The excessive focus on how Sunny felt.

There was no proof that anything was wrong. But if there was, Sunny surely would have missed it. He’d been so focused on himself. School, his stress. He hadn’t been paying attention to Basil like he should have.

He knew the boy wasn’t okay.

There’s something going on. He just knew it.

Basil would never let him in, he hardly ever told him when he was feeling worse than usual. He remembered from before… he shook his head; it couldn’t be that.

What he saw at the hospital.

He never told Basil he saw.

He took a deep breath.

He tried to steady himself.

Why didn’t he check on him after that?

He ran the sink water, gently placing his hands underneath it. It was cool.

He dried them.

Surely it wouldn’t still be like that.

He grabbed the doorknob.

He stopped.

He turned.

Sunny felt his stomach start to tense as he looked around the bathroom, as if there’d be a clue somewhere.

Something he was missing.

He knew there was something he was missing.

A small red smudge on the trashcan.

Oh no.

“No, no, no, no, no…”

He slowly lifted the lid, brushing aside some paper towels.

Okay, so someone got hurt.

His shaking hands didn’t seem to believe that.

Okay, it’s perfectly normal.

Realistically, there was no reason to think what he was thinking. He knew that. But he also knew he was right. Everything made sense in that moment. His nails dug into his palm, forcing down vomit.

Sometimes you just know.

Especially when it’s your best friend.

He swung open the bathroom door and walked quickly to his room. He found himself face to face with Basil.

The boy rubbed his sleeved arm and looked at Sunny desperately.

“Sunny…”

The world seemed to freeze around them.

The air around Sunny was cold. He felt his lungs freeze as he inhaled. Ice formed around his shoulders. He was shivering. It felt like forever until what Basil said next.

“I have to tell you something.”

Chapter Text

“I have you tell you something.”

The word’s slipped out of his mouth as if they had been spoken a thousand times before. Everything in this moment felt so fluid, so natural. So unreal.

It was as if he was living in a dream.

It was the words that came next that were going to be a lot harder.

Still, he hardly felt alive in this moment. As if he was in some kind of state between alive and dead, between truth and fiction. He didn’t know how to break the spell.

Aubrey’s gentle gaze coaxed him out of his shell. Hero’s firm expression sensed something was wrong. Kel glanced between the two, obviously uncertain where he found his emotions between the two of them. The harsh white lighting of the hospital hurt his eyes.

“I…”

This would be the first step to breaking it. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion.

He looked at Basil, still lying in the bed. His face was bruised, bloody bandages wrapped around his head. He reached his hand to his own head, gently patting at the band-aid over his eye.

There was nothing underneath it was there?

Pulling away he half expected to see blood stains on his hand, but there was nothing of the sort. His eye had been thoroughly cleaned.

He shuddered and shook it off.

His voice was raspy from not speaking in so long. He was surprised he even knew how to anymore. Was that something you could forget? Not talking for so long, you can’t utter another word?

He wanted nothing more than to turn around and run away. Escape this horrible situation. Honestly, wasn’t it easier not knowing? Wasn’t it better for them?

Wasn’t running away easier?

His feet stayed planted to the ground. He knew the truth now, and he knew he preferred it.

It would be selfish of him to keep it to himself. He didn’t know if he could bear the guilt of hiding it anymore regardless.

They needed to know too.

“What you think happened…”

He took a deep breath.

This was it.

“It was my fault.”

“What was your fault?” Hero spoke with a sense of authority. Sunny couldn’t conceal a pained smile. He’d grown to be so mature and confident. What an amazing big brother Hero would have been, in another life.

He really screwed up, didn’t he?

“Mari.”

Everything seemed to get quieter after he said her name. Already silent friends seemed frozen in anticipation. Or was it fear?

Maybe just speaking Mari’s name was enough to silence a room. It certainly would have to him before, it probably still would right now. The pain her loss brought. It was his fault.

“Sunny… what happened?” Kel asked softly.

What did happen? He was still piecing it together in his mind. He remembered the clips, he was just slowly putting them all together.

Flashes of memory and emotion flooded behind his eyes.

“We… we argued,” he began, “I… the recital day, I got… upset. Really bad. I was doing bad, and I got angry so… I broke the violin.”

He paused. That violin had meant so much for him, he remembered crying when they had to change the strings on it, because it didn’t have the original ones everyone had bought him. His friends gift had meant everything to him.

“That um… you guys got for me…”

He sniffled,

“I’m sorry… Um… and… Mari got really mad at me. And… she yelled at me, bad. But… I yelled at her…”

He could hardly imagine himself yelling, yet that was what his memories told him. It felt so far from him, so detached. It didn’t even feel like the same person.

Was it the same person? It’s been four years.

Had he ever truly been that person?

What makes you a person?

Everyone stared at him, Hero’s hands started to shake.

Could he imagine her yelling? Could he imagine him yelling?

It seemed like he was figuring it out.

This was the worst part.

“I tried to leave, so she… grabbed me. She pulled me back to the stairs. That made me really mad, I think… and…”

He swallowed.

The imagery played again in his head. The soft thud of a firm push.

The scream.

The crack.

The silence.

“I pushed her.”

It was silent.

That silence had never gone away since that moment

“But… that’s not true… because… she killed herself…” Kel mumbled, “Right…?”

“I saw her.” Hero said.

Sunny remembered his scream. His sobs.

Why did it have to be him?

Sunny regretted everything he did. But hearing Hero’s screams, seeing him cry for the first time.

That’s when he really regretted what happened next.

“Basil was there too… and he told me that he would make it okay. So we… tried to help her, but it didn’t work… so Basil told me to help him… and… we took her outside… and…”

He tried to choke back a sob. It wasn’t his place to cry.

“He knew what to do.”

Why would Basil know how to do something like that?

“Please don’t hate him… he was just trying to-“

He fell flat on the floor as Hero shoved him, hitting his head on the ground, before the other boy stormed out of the room.

Sunny stared up at the unfamiliar ceiling, hearing muffled voices around him as his head spun. He deserved that though, didn’t he? He deserved a lot more. Hero could’ve done a lot worse.

It almost felt like a four year build-up just to that moment.

“Sunny!”

Aubrey grabbed his hand and pulled him up to a sitting position.

“Jesus Christ, Sunny, are you okay?”

He reached his hand up to his face, feeling a small trickle of blood from the bandage. He must be on so many painkillers, he didn’t feel a thing.

Sunny just sat and looked down at the ground. Why was she here? She should have left with Hero. She should have left him on the ground. She should have left him to die.

She wrapped her arms around him, and he felt Kel do the same.

“Shit, Sunny… how the hell did you hold that in for so long?” Aubrey murmured, “It’s okay…”

Kel nodded, “I… I think I understand, Sunny… I’m sorry about Hero. I’ll talk to him. He’s such a jerk.”

Aubrey sighed and pulled away shaking her head.

“No, Kel. It makes sense, don’t be mad at him for being upset. I mean, I am really pissed off at him right now, but don’t get mad at him for being mad. He shouldn’t have done that to Sunny though. Sunny, really, are you okay?”

His head started to clear up as his gave a small nod. He didn’t even notice until now, but tears were streaming down his face and pooling on the floor beneath him. He desperately wiped away at them. He shouldn’t be crying. He couldn’t be crying.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m sorry, I’ll stop.”

He barely gasped the words out as he wiped his cheeks and forced himself to rub his eyes until it hurt.

“Sunny… stop, it’s okay…”

“I’m sorry.”

Aubrey was crying now too as she rubbed his shoulder, “It’s okay…”

Kel looked at the two of them, and gently patted Sunny’s other shoulder.

“It’s… kind of scary, Sunny. But… I… know why it happened. And… I want you to know I’ll always be your friend. No matter what.”

Sunny gave a small smile and nod through his tears. He couldn’t believe Kel still even wanted to be around him. He thought for sure this would be the last time that he ever saw his friends again. He honestly thought he might…

“Sunny, I would be a horrible hypocrite to hate you,” Aubrey sighed, “I almost killed Basil the other day… just, honestly. I would be in the same position you are. Almost, I guess… I understand. It was an accident.”

She stopped for a moment.

“Sunny, I don’t think she would blame you. It wasn’t your fault, no matter what you might be thinking.”

Sunny sniffled, and wiped his eyes, the tears finally starting to slow down.

Kel slowly stood up, “I’m… gonna go check on Hero,” he gritted his teeth, “He better apologize.”

He quickly left the room, leaving just Sunny, Aubrey, and Basil.

“I’m… gonna give you two some space, okay? Honestly, I need time to process this too. I’m not mad at you Sunny, though. Thank you for telling me. Honestly. It hurts, all over again. But I feel better. I think I always knew there was something else to it.”

She hugged him again and stood up. Slowly leaving the room, looking back at him, before exiting.

Sunny slowly pushed himself to his feet and approached Basil’s bed.

He looked down at the damaged boy. Cuts and bruises on his face, his arms marked up.

Had he attacked him there?

Something told him he hadn’t. He winced.

 He understood all too well.

The other boy slowly blinked and opened his eyes.

It didn’t matter, it was going to be okay now.

Sunny smiled.

Basil smiled back.

“Sunny… is that you?”

“Basil!”

Basil grinned as he looked at Sunny, trying to reach forwards before groaning and falling back.

“Oh, ow. Oh! Sunny! No! Your eye! What… happened… oh….”

Sunny shook his head, “No, Basil. I’m okay, I’m sorry.”

Talking felt easier when it was to his best friend.

They were still best friends after all this time, weren’t they? It’s amazing how that worked.

Basil’s eyes were starting to water as he looked up at Sunny, despite his best efforts to comfort him. He felt terrible seeing Basil’s condition too, he understood how he felt.

He hated himself for what he did to him.

“Sunny… it’s gone now, isn’t it? Can you feel it?”

Sunny nodded.

He didn’t know how they both understood it, or knew it was there. But they did.

That didn’t matter anymore though, what did matter was that it was gone. Everything hurt a lot more now that it was, but the world felt more real too. He felt like he could breathe. Like he could talk.

Like he might be able to live.

A second chance.

“Here, um, I brought this for you…”

He pulled a small flower from his pocket he’d taken from his hospital room. He was surprised how many people cared about him, he didn’t even know that that many people knew he existed.

He slowly stepped forward and put the flower into Basil’s hair, tucking it behind his ear.

“I thought it might have fallen out last night, so I brought this for you, I know it’s not your usual color, I’m sorry.”

Basil smiled, tears slipping down his cheeks as he slowly closed his eyes.

Sunny could tell he was exhausted.

“Thank you, Sunny…”

He nodded, and gently rubbed the other boy’s shoulder, hoping to offer any kind of comfort he could. His chest felt more open when he was around him. He didn’t know how to comprehend that he was supposed to move tomorrow. Hell, he didn’t even know where he was moving to.

Basil took a deep breath, before beginning, “Can I ask you something?”

Sunny nodded and looked down at Basil.

“What is it?”

“Sunny… please…”

---

“…don’t get mad at me…”

Basil’s eyes were watering, it was obvious he had been crying before Sunny found him.

Sunny practically ran towards Basil and wrapped his arms around him. All he was thinking about in this instant was helping him feel better. He felt the warm urge to protect Basil in his chest. He had to do everything in his power to make things better. He steeled himself. He was going to be there for him.

“Basil…”

“I… didn’t mean to hide this from you, I promise… I just… I didn’t know how to tell you…”

Sunny pulled back and nodded, already knowing what was coming. He took a deep breath.

“Um… can we sit down…”

Basil’s voice was small. Sunny nodded, both of them moving to sit on Basil’s bed.

“Sunny… I… you know, I haven’t been feeling that good. I don’t always know what to do. I hate bothering you.”

He picked at his hands, refusing to look at Sunny.

“Basil… I… I think I know. I understand.”

Basil fidgeted with his sleeve revealing the smallest bit to Sunny, and smiled sadly, biting his lip.

“I wasn’t as much, for a while, but after you went back home this summer… I don’t know.”

Sunny pulled the other boy in and wrapped his arms around him again, tightly squeezing him.

“You just had to tell me, Basil… I… understand. I know what it’s like.”

“I’m sorry…”

The two sat in silence for a moment, just holding each other. They both pulled away at the same time.

“Basil…” Sunny gently touched the other boy’s arm, “How can I help you? Please, I’ll do anything.”

He couldn’t fathom letting Basil hurt like this any longer, he would do anything it took to help him feel better. He just couldn’t let this keep happening. Not to Basil. He knew how it felt, Basil didn’t deserve to go through that.

“I don’t know, I just… I think you knowing is going to help a lot.”

Sunny nodded slowly, “Um… what if you told Polly?”

“No!”

Sunny nodded. He understood. Still, there had to be something they could do.

It wasn’t like the city, it wasn’t like there was a therapist within walking distance. Faraway town wasn’t exactly that kind of place.

Not that they’d be able to scrape together enough money for something like that, anyway.

“You should tell Aubrey, though… she… told me to check in on you. She’s really worried.”

Basil winced and nodded, “I… don’t want to. Not tonight, anyway.”

“Of course…” Sunny didn’t really know what to say or do, but he was trying his best to help. All he knew was he wanted to make things better. So whatever would make Basil the most comfortable, he was more than willing to do. Whenever he wanted to tell Aubrey was okay with him.

“Sunny… can you maybe, stay with me tonight? I’ll go back out there but, stay close?”

Sunny blinked away tears and nodded, “Of course, Basil. Anything.”

Basil took a deep breath.

“So… how was work, Basil?”

The other boy laughed and smiled, obviously happy to have a normal conversation.

“It was really good, actually. They gave me like, a voucher!”

Sunny rolled his eyes, “Oh, really?”

“Mhm! Look!”

Basil got up and headed to the bookshelf, taking down a small bouquet of tulips.

“I figured… maybe you’d like them? It’s okay if not.”

Sunny hugged him again and gave the other boy a smile.

He felt warm in his chest. What a good friend.

“Thank you, Basil.”

He gently took them from the other boy and looked around the room, “Um… we’ll have to find a vase, I’ll put in on my desk! In the meantime…”

He gently laid the flowers out over his keyboard. He wasn’t going to be doing anything else on his computer tonight anyway.

Sunny almost wished he had gotten a job or something, just so he could bring Basil gifts. The other boy was always just so thoughtful. It almost made him tear up just thinking about it.

 How could he be so caring while hurting so much?

---

After the two boys talked, they spent a lot more time together again. Basil had mostly been avoiding Sunny out of guilt of not talking to him, and with the truth out, he didn’t stay out quite so much.

He talked to Sunny a lot more, told him a lot more about how he was feeling, and ultimately let Sunny into his life.

Sunny was a good listener. He heard Basil out through every problem he had, no matter how small or big. And Basil listened to Sunny.

Thing’s were getting better between the two of them.

Kim stayed the night and didn’t leave until late the next day; it had been a great weekend.

After Kim left, Sunny sat down with Basil as he told Aubrey everything, which Aubrey completely understood, the two hugged him and comforted him again.

It almost seemed like business as usual, it was Tuesday now, and Sunny was back in classes.

Everything was starting to get a lot harder though. One bad quiz grade made him realize the importance of doing well, and now he felt panicked every time he even thought about studying. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to make anything easier.

Still, he tried to push through it and be there for Basil.

He sighed as he set his pencil down, leaning his chair back away from his desk. This wasn’t getting any easier. He let the chair fall back forwards and placed his head down at his desk, taking deep breaths. He hadn’t felt this stressed in a long time; it was a different kind of anxiety than he was used to.

His phone buzzed on his desk, and he jumped. He answered it.

“Hello! Is this Sunny?”

After the phone call he sat in silence for a moment.

He got the job at the coffee shop.

Honestly, he didn’t even feel excited about it like he did before. Now it just sounded like more work and more stress. Maybe it would be good for him.

And having money is always a good thing, right? Plus, he’d be able to make Basil teas all of the time now! That made him feel excited.

With that new rush he quickly exited the room to find Basil and Aubrey and told them the news. It was met with excitement and “told you so’s” but honestly he was just happy that they were happy. It was nice that they were so supportive of him.

He felt anxious about it, but he knew he had his friends to back him up.

Chapter Text

“Sunny, can’t we always be friends?”

The blond boy leaned forward, a big smile on his face. Sunny still couldn’t help be surprised at seeing this side of Basil, one that seemed to be so isolated from the rest of the world. It couldn’t help but to bring a smile to his own face. He supposed that was quite different from how the rest of the world saw him as well. They seemed to have a secret language, that only the other could understand and awaken up in this treehouse.

“Absolutely! Why wouldn’t we?”

Basil leaned back with a soft sigh, “Well, you know. They say friends grow apart, don’t they? What if that were to happen to us?”

“It won’t.”

“It could.”

“It won’t!”

It wasn’t the first time they’d had a short argument like this, and Sunny was confident that it would not be the last. Still, he was always adamant that they would be friends forever. Perhaps he didn’t have a good reason to think that, but it was something he knew to be true.

“Why do you say that, Sunny?”

Basil’s voice grew softer, more curious. Moving from a half-joke to completely serious.

“Because…”

Well, it was a hard question, wasn’t it? How could he say where they would be in five years, much less a week? Still, he had to believe what felt right.

“Because I know it! And because I promise!”

“Okay, okay. We’re still getting a house, right?”

What seemed to be the age-old plan, up in this treehouse, mapping out what their house would look like. A picture hung on the wall of the blueprint, though no one else knew what it represented. Sunny thought about this future more than he cared to admit. A lifetime living with his best friend? That sounded better than anything!

“Of course! Look, I added to the drawing.”

Sunny pointed at the newly sketched little building outside the house.

“A cat-house! For Mewo! If she visits, I guess, because she is Mari’s. Unless… I steal her!”

“You wouldn’t!” Basil put his hand over his mouth, “Would you…?”

Sunny laughed and nudged the other boy, “Of course not. I wouldn’t do that to her, she’d be sad!”

“Oh…” Basil sighed, “That’s good.”

Sunny laughed and leaned back again. Basil always got so worried about stuff like that. Knowing that, he decided to go back and reiterate his earlier point.

“See, Basil? We have all these plans, we’re definitely going to be best friends forever.

Basil bit hit lip, and slowly pushed himself closer to Sunny, wrapping his arms around him and leaning his head against his shoulder.

“You really think so?

“I do.”

This was a little closer than he was used to.

“Sunny…”

“Yes, Basil?”

Sunny smiled.

But that was okay.

“H e l p  m e . . . “

Blood started to pool.

Sunny tried to scramble away, but couldn’t, joint with where Basil had grabbed him.

The vision around his eyes went red.  

---

He sat up breathing heavily and looked around.

The clock read 6:17.

Another nightmare.

He took a deep breath and stood up, shaking his hands as if to brush off the dream.

He slipped his socks and shoes on and took a quick trip to the bathroom, before he quietly snuck past Aubrey on the couch, and leaving through the front door.

Pale light illuminated the world. Bright enough to see, but not enough to see comfortably. Still, he found that lately, this was his favorite time of day. He’d been woken this early by his nightmares for a couple weeks now, ever since Basil confided in him what he was going through. But he wouldn’t complain, Basil was doing much better.

He found he was never able to fall back asleep after one such dream happened, and he took to taking morning walks. Well, they’re good for your physical health, and mental health. He never took himself as a morning jog type person, but perhaps this is a first step?

The thought of that made him roll his eyes at himself. As if.

He began to take a stroll down the sidewalk away from the apartment, but not towards his work. He found that was the last thing he would want to be thinking about. It had been going well for him, it had, and the people there were actually quite nice to him. He reasoned that they understood that he was a bit quiet and reserved and were willing to work with him. They very rarely made him take orders, and instead preferred to let him just follow the order and make coffee, which he found he was quite good at.

He made sure to perfect the green tea and honey combo that Basil liked though, which, admittedly wasn’t too difficult, but he always brought one home for him, and he seemed to love it. Aubrey wasn’t much of a tea drinker, but he’d bring her a brewed coffee and she seemed happy.

It was a bit difficult carrying two drinks back, but he wouldn’t complain. He loved doing things for his friends.

Aubrey’s appreciative nod, and Basil’s ecstatic grin. It’s funny how a small inconvenience can quickly become worth it.

He yawned, passing by the neighborhood houses. He always noted different houses colors, it said a lot. Some light blue, some yellow, some white. He wondered what went into that decision, how does that conversation go?

If he ever had a house, he’d want it to be green.

Sunny had never liked coffee much, well, he didn’t dislike it. But he hadn’t loved it like others had. But ever since he started working at the café, he found he really did quite enjoy it. Not black like Aubrey did, but he found an appreciation for lattes. Now he found himself stopping by nearly every day. Aubrey joked he repaid his entire paycheck. He didn’t say that that mostly wasn’t a joke.

But, when life is hard, isn’t it okay to do something that makes you a little happy? Well, it was hard not having too much money, but he had friends helping pay, and his mom, and Polly.

So, he wouldn’t complain.

The air was crisp, and cool. Thanksgiving was near approaching, and he hadn’t decided if he should return home, or stay with his friends. No one else had said what they were doing, but he could assume Aubrey wasn’t going home, and Basil… didn’t really have a home. With no one left in his old house, Polly had no one to take care of there, and not much of a reason to remain. Well, what would his parents be paying her for then? So, she had to move on, and the house remained vacant. It would be quite sad for Basil to sit at home alone. Chances of his parents returning were slim.

Sunny could go back to stay with his mom, but really, why would he? It was quite a ways away for just a couple days, and he wouldn’t be amiss to say that thanksgiving with his mom weren’t exactly pleasant memories.

Sitting at a table, just the two of them, tears streaming down her face as he looked blankly at the feast.

How could she have been so worried about him, but so unrecognizing of what was wrong?

Was it fair to blame her?

He couldn’t deny the surge of anger in his chest as he thought about those four years lately. Less and less was he blaming himself, and more and more was he blaming his mother’s lack of attention.

But it quickly abated, as he reminded himself that he was in fact the monster. It was kind of his mom to still care for him at all.

So, he wouldn’t complain.

Besides, he could never shake the twinge in his heart at the thought of Basil and thanksgiving spending thanksgiving alone. This twinge was becoming more and more frequent, and he didn’t know what it meant. But he knew it made him anxious.

But mostly, happy.

So, he wouldn’t complain.

His mind seemed to hover over Basil for a while whenever he went there on these morning walks. There was something he was missing, and it was something that he just couldn’t shake. There has always been something different about him.

He was worried for the other boy, that surely must be most of it. He kept a close eye on Basil, always making sure he knew where he was and how he was feeling. Maybe it was obsessive, but sometimes you just need to know someone is okay.

And he seemed to be doing better. And it felt like a weight off of Sunny’s back to know that.

Still, he didn’t want to put anything on Basil while he was still recovering from his darkest time. So, he didn’t. And it was okay because Sunny knew how to take care of himself.

He knew how to take care of the stress, and the sadness, and the fear, and the anger, and the hatred, and the love.

So, Sunny doesn’t complain.

He stood at where the beautiful neighborhood sidewalk transitions to the strip of land between the quick highway, with cars suddenly zipping by, whipping his hair into his face. Perhaps a haircut was in order.

He usually didn’t walk this far out. It didn’t feel safe.

He turned around and began his walk back. He checked the small watch Basil had bought him at a thrift store, it’d already been around twenty minutes. He needed to be getting back before the others woke up, they’d be getting worried.

Still, these morning walks were a big help to him. They helped him clear his mind and prepare for the day. Get all his thoughts in order.

He found himself wishing he were walking with Basil.

But the boy needed rest.

So, he wouldn’t complain.

The door gently shut behind him as he tiptoed back into the house, trying to pour himself a bowl of cereal as quietly as he could. He sat at the table eating frosted flakes as he pulled his sketchbook a bit closer. He always left it out on the table for easy access, trying no one else would go through it. He’d shown Aubrey, but it was kind of an only okay when he had control over it kind of thing.

He absentmindedly doodled, letting his mind take the page wherever it wished to go. When he used to do this, it would be a little scary, he’d sometimes panic and rip up the page. Sometimes he’d draw Mari. Those were the worst days.

Today he sketched himself and wondered if maybe back then he’d just had been drawing himself in the future. The resemblance was uncanny, ever since Sunny had passed her in age. He winced; he hated the though every time it appeared in his mind.

Though, he did like that they looked similar, in a way, it helped him to feel closer to her.

He doodled Mewo as he often did, she was easy to draw really. She looked like a blob, but she did in real life too. Sometimes he wished he just had a picture of her. He hadn’t seen her in over five years.

“That’s really good, Sunny.”

Basil’s shushed whisper made Sunny jump as he quickly turned around and gave a small smile, “Oh! Thank you.”

His cheeks heated up a bit, he hated when people caught him drawing. It felt embarrassing.

Basil sat down besides him, “Are you okay? I noticed you went out early again today.”

Had he been paying attention to that? He gritted his teeth, that was unintentional, though he wasn’t surprised.

Not like he could lie about it, so he nodded. “I did. I’ve been going for walks. I’m sorry that I worried you.”

“Hmm…” Basil obviously wasn’t content with his answer and scooted the chair a bit closer to him.

Sunny’s heart tensed as he moved closer, the dream at the forefront of his mind still.

Basil leaned over and pointed at the page.

“Mewo?”

“Mewo.”

“She’s cute. That looks a lot like her, Sunny! I can’t believe how good you are at drawing stuff. Did my book help at all?”

The dream started to fade from his thoughts.

Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. Isn’t that a throwback? Of course, he read the book cover to cover, it may as well have been his most prized possession, his bible. Though, was that really because of the contents, or because his best friend had given it to him? That, he didn’t know.

But he did know that, “It did! It taught me how to shade like this, see.” He gestured to the dashed lines, a messy kind of chaos. Something like him and Basil, he reasoned. Was that an odd comparison? It felt right.

He went on explaining his various techniques for shading. He didn’t talk much, but when it was about something he liked he really could go on. Just with Basil, really though. But he knew Basil would listen to him. Probably felt he owed it to him.

Not that Sunny had any problem with listening to Basil talk. He could do it all day without uttering a single word, just listening.

But he was learning that he kind of liked to talk too. It wasn’t often he got in these moods, but when he did it all seemed to move like clockwork.

Soon, the sun had fully risen and the frosted flakes had become soggy. Aubrey yawned and stumbled towards the shower and the two shared a laugh. For a moment his heart felt calm.

The clock read seven thirty, he’d have to be leaving soon, his class was at nine, and he liked to be there early. Sometimes he sat outside, or caught up on work in the library. He shut his sketchbook and smiled at Basil. The other boy didn’t have to leave until much later, but he would see him when he did, Sunny had to be there a while.

When that happened, even if Sunny didn’t really have any classes, he’d stick around and wait for Basil to finish so he’d have someone to walk back with. Assuming neither of them had work, anyway. Aubrey would do the same, but she didn’t have classes today.

He stood up and sighed, “I should start getting ready to head out, I’ll see you soon though, Basil?”

He nodded, “I’ll be there!”

Sunny shut the bathroom door behind him.

He found himself staring at the same reflection he always did.

He couldn’t deny the flicker of… something, he still saw. But it wasn’t the same. In some ways, it was almost harder to stare at himself alone, without something there. Confronting the horror of his own gaze.

Nightmares he could handle, he was a little harder.

He really needed Basil.

But he didn’t want to keep bothering him.

So, he would be okay.

A small smile painted on his face he left.

Really, it would be rude to complain.

Chapter Text

The glide of the bow over the violin barely seemed to be music to Sunny’s ears anymore. A harsh whistle shrieked to a stop, before beginning anew a few moments later.

His sister’s voice hardly seemed to be coming out as words anymore—more like incoherent grumbling and shouts. 

Maybe they weren’t shouts. But it’s how they felt. 

The boy on the floor clapped along as he sometimes did. That still sounded like music to Sunny.

So he kept playing. 

— 

Sunny’s nights had been plagued by nightmares. Well, memories. Memories mixed with nightmares? He honestly wasn’t sure how to describe it.

He just knew it was hellish. It was obviously taking a toll on him, homework often being turned in a day or two late, test results that were not exactly ideal. Still, what could he do when he couldn’t sleep? It was a problem for another time.

He was hardly keeping his head upright in lecture, nearly falling forward multiple times. Luckily, catching himself before his head could slam into the desk. What a spectacle that would be. 

Images were important, and knowing the fragile state that Basil was in he was trying his best to maintain his. That he was strong, well, and happy. He could see the improvement in Basil’s smile, and that’s what counted.

Lately, they seemed to do everything together. Though, Sunny had no qualms with it. As registration for the next semester had already occurred, they chose to synchronize many of their classes. Basil even talked Sunny into taking a plant biology class. Honestly, he was considering trying to drop it, but he couldn’t break Basil’s heart like that.

Plus, getting outside of his comfort zone was a good thing. Nothing would change staying the same, right? 

“Someone who hasn’t spoken yet today… Sunny! A summary of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, please!”

A brief pause as he made sure there was no follow-up to the professor’s question.
“It’s… a five-level pyramid, supposed to show the different levels of needs that a human needs.”

Just because he hadn’t been doing great didn’t mean he hadn’t read the textbook. This stuff was still interesting.

Basil sat beside him still, beaming as Sunny answered. Basil didn’t talk much in this class, though he could only assume he was much more talkative in his other classes. Which pertain more to… plant-like things. From what he could tell.

His support was appreciated though.

Aubrey had skipped again, but it never seemed to affect her too much. She was never one to miss class without knowing she would be just fine without it. The professor never held it against her.

“Are they always followed in order? Asking you, Sunny.”

Physiological needs, safety, love, esteem, and one’s self-image. In order, the person should only focus on the next with the first being covered. Health before love, for example.

“No, they aren’t.”

—

“Mom, I can’t.”

Her voice was obviously agitated on the other line. That voice always stressed her out, like she couldn’t just admit that she was angry with him. He would feel better if she did. He paced the living room, Aubrey and Basil sitting on the couch, looking just as anxious as him.

As expected, that he was not going to be headed home for Thanksgiving was not exactly going over well with his mom. Basil warned him that he shouldn’t have put off telling her, but honestly, it wasn’t even Halloween yet. 

Well, Halloween was tomorrow. But the point still stands, doesn’t it?

“Polly is going to be out of town with her own family, what’s Basil supposed to do?”

“Can’t he and Aubrey just stay with us?”

“Uh.”

Technically?

He couldn’t exactly say this out loud, but honestly, he kind of wanted to be away from his mom for this Thanksgiving. Something about a holiday that places such importance on family made him hesitant to attempt to celebrate it with her again. Sometimes things like that only make you think about what isn’t there.

He looked at his friends pleadingly, hoping they had been paying attention to his mom’s voice from the speaker phone. Maybe they could help him out with this?

“Sunny?” she sighed.

Basil was mouthing something. Sunny squinted.

Kim…?

Kim! Aubrey wanted to spend Thanksgiving with Kim. Sunny’s apartment was hardly big enough for two extra people, there’s not a chance it could handle three. 

“Aubrey’s inviting Kim, Mom. There’s just not space for all of us.”

There was silence for a few moments, then a sigh from the other end.

“I get it Sunny, I was your age too once. I’m not mad. You all have fun, and let me know if you need anything.”

A click and it was over.

Sunny hadn’t realized his hands were shaking. 

“So… that was… not terrible?” Aubrey asked.

Sunny shook his head, “I don’t think so, she wasn’t super upset.”

Basil smiled, “So we’re all spending Thanksgiving together?”

Sunny nodded affirmatively. 

“But first!” Aubrey chimes in, “Halloween. Sunny, did you even get a costume?”

Aubrey had been bothering him about this for at least a couple of weeks. He hadn’t celebrated Halloween in a really long time, could you really blame him? Last year he wasn’t exactly feeling festive, though he watched a couple of Halloween movies with his mom. 

Even if he was feeling festive though, which the jury was still out on, what would he dress up as? It’s not like he was a super big fan of anything. Well, anything that wasn’t extremely obscure. He always went for the generic costumes for that reason, last time he had dressed up he had been a mummy, Basil an angel. 

He remembered he liked that costume a lot.

Moving on from that, Sunny tried to redirect.

“Well, does Basil even have a costume?”

Basil seemed to puff his chest out, “Actually, I do!”

“Since when?” Aubrey said.

“Yesterday! I’m gonna be a scarecrow. They’re very noble I think, and keep plants safe.”

Crap. Now he really did need to get a costume. Was a bedsheet ghost really out of the question?

“And don’t worry Aubrey, I have an idea for Sunny, I still have that angel costume, unless he has any better ideas,” he looked Sunny up and down, “It should fit!”

Maybe today should be his lesson that putting things off just made things worse. Unfortunately, he did not in fact have a better idea or even an idea at how he would find a costume at all at this point. Besides, even though he felt his face heating up from the idea of it, he couldn’t turn down Basil’s smiling face.

“Um… I guess so?”

“Perfect! I’ll just ask Polly to bring it over when she gets the chance. She was going to come by to drop off some candy anyway.”

Aubrey smirked at Sunny. Yeah, yeah. 

— 
“There… see! Look at that!”

Sunny glared at himself in the mirror, usually dark attire now a pure white. Maybe it was more than a little out of the ordinary, though he supposed to couldn’t complain, seeing as he was supposed to be dressing up. 

He rolled his eyes as Basil attached the wings, feigning annoyance. Honestly, it was kind of fun to dress up again, even though it was kind of embarrassing. Basil already had his costume on, they were supposed to be having Kim and some of the other “hooligans” over soon. Their apartment had become a sort of hotspot for gatherings. Sunny didn’t mind so much, if it was ever too much he could just go into his room, or go for a walk. 

Sunny sighed, “Well, it looked better on you, if that’s not weird to say.”

It didn’t seem weird to say, but it definitely felt weird to say, so he added the caveat. 

Basil laughed though, “It’s not weird to say, well, I hope not. I was gonna say the same thing about you!” 

Sunny found himself unable to stop a smile.

“You don’t have to keep this on until later, but just until then…” Basil adjusted the halo on Sunny, “There! See, an angel!”

Sunny shifted awkwardly as the other boy looked him over. It seemed like a while, maybe it was. “Okay, okay, can I take this thing off for now?”

“I guess so, but you have to put it back on when our guests are over, okay?”

Basil chided him as if he was a child, but he didn’t mind, that’s just how he was sometimes. He needed someone looking after him that way sometimes, though he didn’t particularly want to admit it. It felt nice having Basil’s support. It’s not that Sunny wasn’t able to function without it, but he definitely was having a harder time the last couple of weeks.

Basil turned to leave the bathroom, which they had elected to use as the dress-up room due to the mirror and turned to look at Sunny again. He opened his mouth, but then just smiled and left the room. “I’m gonna check on Aubrey.”

Sunny just stared at himself in the mirror, cheeks still slightly red. An angel, huh?

He didn’t really feel like one, being honest. It felt like more of a costume than he had ever worn in his life. A fallen angel, maybe.

He sighed, and turned to leave the room as well. It was kind of embarrassing that Basil’s costume from four years ago fit him… perfectly. He felt like he was the only one that hadn’t grown up.

Well, that was true mentally and physically he supposed. It’s not like browsing the internet for four years was going much for a growing boy's mental faculties. He had sworn to never visit 4chan again. 

He intercepted the thought of “Why didn’t Mom intervene?” That was a thought for another time. It seemed like it always was. 

“Sunny!”

Aubrey was dressed up as… a vampire? With her bat? 

Oh, bat. 

“Pretty badass, huh? Basil had the idea for the bat too, isn’t that clever! Like a bat!”

He got it, but he didn’t really get how it made any sense.

“That’s cool Aubrey, and that was clever, Basil!”

Basil and Aubrey grinned. What an interesting team they made.

Looking at them now, you would never know the two harbored ill will toward each other at any point. They were practically best friends.

Sunny sighed and went to his room. No one ever really went in there, but he didn’t feel comfortable having everything messy if there were going to be guests. Especially when his sketchbook was out, as it was before he gently closed it and placed it into his desk drawer. 

It was hard to imagine that it had really only been over a year since the group had all seen each other again. Seeing them all interact now, living with each other and whatnot, no one could’ve guessed it. Not the whole group, and they wouldn’t have been separated for so long if not for him. 

He was trying to teach himself to shake those thoughts off, but as he did there was always the thoughts he couldn’t shake off, did he even deserve to be loose of them? Or should he let them haunt him? Humanity must suffer guilt for a reason. 

“Sunny! Where are you?”

Basil interrupted the boy’s “philosophizing” and Sunny quickly left the room. 

“Here, Basil.”

“We’re gonna be short a pumpkin, Polly forgot one of them back home. Did you want to try to find one with me? Aubrey’s gotta stick around in case any of the guests arrive.”

Singular guest, Kim, more like. Though he wasn’t super concerned with correcting the boy, not when he was excited. It was close enough afterall.

“Okay!”

He nodded though. Who’d pass down a last-minute shopping trip with Basil?

Well, hopefully, nobody. Just the thought of it hurt his chest, poor guy!

A few steps out the door Sunny paused looking down.

“Um.”

Basil turned back and grinned, laughing.

“Sunny! I forgot you didn’t change!” he rolled his eyes, “Okay, okay, hang on.”

He went around behind the boy and unattached the wings. Sunny’s chest seemed to tighten as the boy took them off. It felt… oddly intimate, for lack of a better work. After Basil got them off he turned back, setting them down in front of the door.

“I’m sorry, Sunny! I promise I forgot, but at least now its just the outfit!”

It was kind of embarrassing. Honestly, super embarrassing. But it would just be for a little bit, and it was Halloween after all. It made him feel better that Basil was wearing his costume too.

A goofy hat, some poorly done make-up and an old torn-up flannel. It wasn’t exactly Basil’s normal style. Still… it was… it was a good costume, for sure.

Leaving it at that.

“Sunny? You okay?”

Oh, he hadn’t replied.

“Oh! Sorry! Yes, I am.”

Basil made a face, but nodded, “Okay! Let’s go!”

The two walked side-by-side, the sun setting as they did. Long gone were the days of trick-or-treating, though if they weren’t, he suspected they would be just getting ready to go out by this time. Only knocking on the doors which had the porch light on, of course.

Kel always tried to knock on every door anyway. Some very disgruntled people who surely worked in the morning would angrily toss some old sweet they had lying around into his bag, and he’d walk away beaming.

He hadn’t trick-or-treated since he was eleven. Now he never would again. Things like that were hard to come to terms with lately.

But he looked to his side, and Basil was smiling at him.

So maybe even if things weren’t the same, maybe they could still be okay.

Basil stopped walking.

“Sunny…”

Sunny stopped too.

“Basil?”

“I’m… I’m really glad you came back.”

Sunny smiled, but his eyes felt heavy. He nodded.

“It was so hard. I missed you so much. Every Halloween, Christmas, birthdays… I still celebrated your birthday, you know? I think I thought just in case you decided to come out.”

Sunny only nodded.

“I’m just so glad you’re here.”

A few seconds of silence passed before Sunny took a couple steps forward and wrapped his arms around the other boy. He smelled of dirt and nature, but he felt like home.

“I’m glad I came back too.”

He took it for granted sometimes. He forgets if Kel hadn’t kept knocking on his door he might have never come out. Looking back… he had been at the end of the line, just about. There was only so long that kind of thing could be maintained.

It wasn’t easy to stay. Some days it felt easier than others to just let himself slip away again. But Basil kept him tethered to the real world. He owed more to Basil than Basil could even owe to him. More than Basil would ever understand. He found his grip tightening around the flower boy.

Basil laughed a little and hugged Sunny back, before gently pushing him away. Sunny suddenly felt a pang of sadness.

“We should go.”

---

Sunny took a bite from the slice of pizza he’d grabbed as he sat on the couch.

The pumpkins, all carved now glared eerily from the table. Sunny’s was entirely unoriginal, triangle eyes, the whole thing. Basil carved some really impressive flower out of it somehow, everyone was impressed.

Aubrey’s was… disturbing, to say the least. Kim’s also looked quite ordinary.

Really, it had been quite a fun night. Him and Basil procrastinated a bit on coming back with the pumpkin, walking around town and going into a few shops. Some candy was bought, but mostly just window shopping. It was the most fun he had in a while, things were really starting to go back to normal it seemed like.

Aside from the nagging feeling. He hadn’t been able to shake it since after the two had hugged.

Basil’s costume really was quite great, Sunny wasn’t able to stop looking at it. It was amazing how Basil was able to put something together like that.

Something about that, and the way Basil grinned whenever he looked at Sunny was bothering him.

“Sunny! We’re gonna put a movie on!”

Well, that was a problem for another time. He smiled and stood up.

He was happy.

Chapter Text

The holidays always were a strange time of year, weren’t they? Through the chill that seemed to cut straight through his thick sweater, the ice that he could feel forming over his bones, it inspired a sense of new beginnings in Sunny’s mind. When the cold air iced over the back of his throat and his nose ached he couldn’t shake the excitement in his chest. Even at times where he’d been a little more holed up in his room than this year, he still found himself beginning to attempt at self improvement. These holiday months, he’d often find himself picking up the pen and paper again.

Of course, it wasn’t long before the new sketchbook and pens his mother had gifted him for Christmas found themselves nestled in that familiar spot under his bed; a destiny of dust and spiders and any other creepy crawlies that chose to make that space their home awaiting them. It’s quite easy to begin things, but it’s never quite as easy to finish them, is it?

There was something that was left unsaid between him and Basil, and he just couldn’t seem to put his finger on it.

Actually, that was a lie. Sunny could put his finger on it. The problem was he was having a hard time accepting the “it."

He’s replaying that night again in his mind. Halloween, the way it felt his cheeks were frosting over as he walked by Basil’s side. The way it seemed to melt away when the other boy embraced him. The way he clung to Basil so tightly, not wishing for him to ever let go.

The way the cold air stung the tears in his eyes.

Just thinking about it brings the tears back, and as such, the wind whipped past him stinging them all over again. A literal painful reminder, thank you, nature.

It wasn’t what was left unsaid that was bothering Sunny. It was something a little harder to come to terms with. Something that was frightening.

It was what he wanted Basil to say, that concerned him.

But did he really want… that?

He didn’t want Basil to let go.

It was certainly true that Sunny didn’t particularly like the thought of ever being without Basil. And, well, it’s kind of hard to just be roommates with some random dude for the rest of your life. Not that Basil was a random dude… but, the point is there.

He just kept thinking about the way his heart raced when Basil took the wings off his back, the way his cheeks flushed when Basil called him an angel. So what it was literally his costume? The spark that he felt when his hand brushed against Basil’s when handing him the tea he made just for him, the way he would oftentimes just watch Basil as he studied across the room, not pretending to be asleep but… not exactly acting awake earlier.

Basil made his chest feel the same way cold weather makes his chest feel.

Scared, but excited.

Sunny stood at the door now, fumbling in his pockets for the key, holding a coffee in one arm and Basil’s tea delicately in his other hand. Coffee spillage was acceptable, loss of tea? Unacceptable.
As he pulled the keys out, drinks in hand, holding things in his arm, and huffing is exasperation, he was acutely aware that in that moment, he had turned into his mother. He sighed, and unlocked the door, slipping into the space he had created. He pressed his back into the door, using his elbow to lock it as he set both the drinks down onto the table.

Aubrey wouldn’t be back yet, she had late class today, but Basil should be.

“Sunny! Hello!”

An oddly nice sweater, black pants, and well combed hair.

“Basil! What’s the occasion?” Sunny inquired, “Hot date?”

One of those jokes that someone says because they’re hoping it’s not the way. Not for any reason, but it’d be kinda sad if Basil started spending time with other people.

Realizing he forgot to mention it, Sunny picked up the tea and handed it to Basil who graciously accepted it.

“Obviously.” Sunny’s heart dropped before Basil rolled his eyes, “No, I was gonna ask if you wanted to check out this place for lunch that Aubrey told me about… so a friend-date, I guess?”

Sunny let out a soft sigh, in that moment relieved.

“I’d love to, let me change though, I’ll be just a moment.”

Basil nodded and sat down at the table taking a sip of the tea.

“Thank you, Sunny. Awesome as always.”

Sunny bit his lip and tried to stop the smile curling up his lips. He loved making Basil happy.

Ugh, but now he needed to find something to wear. Sunny wasn’t exactly a fashionista, and it wasn’t often he had to “dress-up” so to speak. He couldn’t just match Basil in Sweaterville, however… pulling out a dark brown sweater he realized the texture was different enough him and Basil wouldn’t look like an exact pair. Why not?

He’d leave his black pants on if not stained from coffee grounds and other unrecognizable substances that somehow accumulate from working in a coffee shop.

Luckily, Sunny was prepared for this, as he pulled out one of many other black pants he has. Sometimes having a wardrobe Einstein would be proud of came in handy.

Shutting the bathroom door behind him, he quickly changes. His hair… is a mess. He is in desperate need of a cut, but he hasn’t gotten his haircut by someone who didn’t share 50% of his genes since, ever? So he continued to put it off. Maybe he should just cut it himself, at this point. It can’t be that hard?

Do barbers cut their own hair? The hottest question since “Does the mailman deliver his own mail?”

There was still some control the Sunny could take from this situation, and he planned to squeeze every last drop of it. Brush in hand he tidies up, it wasn’t super knotted, he worked today – so it had to be combed this morning. Long gone were the days of months of unkempt hair catching up to him, where he’d tear out multiple strands each time he tried to unknot it.

Leaning his head forward, and quickly throwing it back to allow the hair to settle he looked in the mirror.

He looked… passable? Maybe? He brushed his teeth quickly, very aware that he was just about to drink coffee again and it would hardly make a difference, before he slipped out of the bathroom to see Basil standing up at that moment, flashing him a quick smile.

“What’s the occasion?” Basil said, clearly suppressing a smirk.

“Shut up.”

“I’m kidding. I heated your coffee up,” Basil tilted his head the direction of the microwave, “I moved it to a thermos.”

Basil was just thoughtful like that. Sunny took it and cupped his hands around it, he didn’t need the warmth yet, but he would when they were outside. “Thank you, ready?”

Basil nodded and held the door open for him.

It felt like Sunny was just outside, because he was. But the direction was different from where he came from, so the fresh scenery was nice. It wasn’t too often that he walked down this way. Even during his morning walks to “process” he tending to walk the standard path to the coffee shop. It’s what he knew, Basil’s store was along the way, and so was the college, so really, it was the only path he needed. Even though he could technically walk anywhere in the mornings, he preferred familiarity.

“Um… so what is this place, exactly?”

It occurred to him that he hadn’t asked any questions, just kind of gone along with where Basil had taken him. Far as he was concerned thirty minutes ago, he was taking a nap right now.
“Is it okay to say I don’t really know? Well, they have sandwiches, and Aubrey said she went with Kim and it was really good! That’s about all I know, oh! And it’s along this street.”

Obviously. It’d be a cause for concern if it wasn’t. It was sweet of Basil to literally tell him everything that he knew.

“Do you like it when it’s cold, Basil?”

Honestly, it wasn’t often that Sunny was the one starting a conversation, but something felt different today. He wanted to hear Basil talk, so much that the was willing to break the ice.

Basil obviously picked up on this change with a small tip of the head and a smile, but he answered normally nonetheless, “I do, but…” he sighed, “It’s not the best for a lot of my favorite flowers, my garden gets sparse this time of year. Flowers aside, I think it really is quite beautiful.”

With that, Basil gestures around them, fallen snow on the ground and Christmas lights strung on various storefronts.

“Do you like the cold, Sunny?”

Basil really did make Sunny feel the same way cold weather did.

“I do, a lot.”
---
This turned out to not be a fancy establishment as both Sunny and Basil had been led to believe, and was rather an interesting place called “Silly Sammy’s Sub’s.”

“Do you think it’s true Sunny? Will the subs be silly?”

Sunny shook his head, “They better be.”

Basil laughed at that. Sunny smiled. He had to keep making Basil laugh.

“And here are your menus! Could I get you started with any drinks?”

Basil and Sunny had finished theirs on the way, so they nodded and quickly exchanged glances, before informing the waiter a lemonade and coke would be fine.

Flipping through the menus the two boys are silent for a moment, before Basil breaks the silence, “I’m torn, Sunny. On one hand, the wacky wraps sound amazing… but passing up a silly sub at Silly Sammy’s Subs? Is that even allowed?”

Basil was in a good mood, and it showed. He was making jokes, smiling, his face was practically glowing. But… Sunny was in a good mood too, which lately, was rare. He knew the same was true for Basil.

He knew this was a day to be savored.

“Well, Basil, I’ll be getting the gutbuster turkey-club silly sub, though… I do not really want to say that.”

“I’m not saying it for you, Sunny,” Basil rolled his eyes.

“Oh, come on!”

“Sunnyyyyy it’s part of the fun!”

Sunny opened his mouth to protest but before he could the waiter set their drinks down, the lemonade for Basil and coke for him.

“Do you two know what you’re gonna be ordering today? Or need another few?”

Basil confidently set his menu down, “I think we’re good, what was it you were getting, Sunny?”

Jerk.

“Uh… the turkey…” he sighed, Basil’s face was expectant, he could be a little silly if it meant making the other boy smile, right? He shook his head, “The gutbuster turkey-club silly sub, please. With…” quick glance at the menu, “freaky fries?”

Who the hell came up with that name?

Basil grinned and laughed across from him before composing himself, “Just the wacky caesar wrap for me, thank you.”

“You got it, be right back.”

Sunny made a face at Basil as the other boy just looked back at him innocently. A look that made him feel like he was breathing in the cold air outside. But in this warm, almost stuffy restaurant, he knew it wasn’t that.

There was a silence between the two, but it wasn’t awkward. Instead it was… kind of comforting? That’s odd.

“Are you excited?”

Basil broke the silence.

“For…?”

“Thanksgiving break,” Basil smiled, “Technically, it started, right? Our last classes were today, and I don’t think you have any assignments due.”

Leave it to Basil to keep on top of his assignments. He does the same for Basil, but still.

“Oh, of course.” he felt stupid for not realizing, honestly his mind hadn’t even fully realized break was upon him, “Yeah, but it’s not really a break I guess, because it just means I got scheduled to work more hours… but no school will be nice”

Basil nodded in agreement, “Same situation here, I’m afraid! We’ll have to see how our schedules overlap so we can plan some stuff.”

Basil wanted to plan stuff? Sunny needed to stop making such a big deal out of everything, it’s nothing out of the ordinary, they’re best friends and are always doing things together. But curiosity got the better of him.

“Like what?”

“Well, there’s this fair thing I think I mentioned sometime that might be nice? If you wanted?”

Sunny nodded, it did sound fun. Christmas themed if he recalled, and he did love Christmas.

“We could invite Aubrey, but I think she’ll be going with Kim, so… probably not” Basil glanced at him, suddenly fidgeting with his hands, “If that’s cool?”

More than cool. But he couldn’t say that.

“Of course! It sounds like fun!”

So instead he said something ten times more enthused. Get it together, Sunny!

Basil sighed, “Okay, good. I was worried.”

“Food’s here!” The waiter jovially announced setting the twos plates down. “Just let me know if you need anything else.”

It actually looked really good. It’s not like he was completely shocked, but maybe he underestimated it based on the name, it was an amazing looking sandwich, Basil’s wrap being nothing to scoff at either.

“I knew it’d be good! Aubrey’s usually right when it comes to food!” Basil grinned starting to eat.

Sunny smiled, “Here, hang on,” he dumped half the fries from his plate onto Basil’s, “No fair only I got some.”

Honestly, he only ordered the fries because he wanted to be able to share something with Basil, hoping to make him happy.

Judging by the look in Basil’s eyes, it did.

A success.

Soon they’d cleared their plates and paid the bill, Sunny covered it and Basil tipped, and were standing to head out.

The wind blew against his face as the door opened and his hair whipped behind him, a bitter reminder yet again of how long it’s been since it was cut.

Basil laughed as he let the door shut behind them, “Your hair is cool, huh?”

OK maybe he wasn’t gonna cut it. He felt his cheeks warm up, which was quite the feat in this weather. Why was he acting like this? He looked at Basil, the boys blond hair, not as long as his, but long, tucked behind his ears. If anyone’s hair was cool, it was Basil’s.

So that’s what he said. And Basil laughed. And Basil smiled. And it didn’t feel real seeing the glint in his eyes as the snow started to fall.

And when the snow caught in Basil’s cool hair, got caught in the threads of his green sweater, and melted into his nose, Sunny was forced to face what he had always known.

Sunny was in love with Basil.

Chapter Text

The dull ringing of the other end of the line droned on. With his lips pursed Basil stared down, tapping his foot anxiously. Of course he wasn’t going to pick up, it’d been a year since they’d last spoken now. Sunny had only picked up the phone once, a few days after the funeral.

Basil sighed, looking at the calendar. Little less than a year, really. Today’s date, unmarked, seemed to stare back at him. Mocking him. “Mark me,” it seemed to say, “Acknowledge it’s been another day without him.”

A small nod to himself, as if to silence the voice of the calendar and the humming of the phone on the other end, Basil sketches a neat X besides the date.

September 3^rd. Sunny’s birthday already passed, maybe if he'd picked up before they could have planned something. Maybe he could at least have wished him a happy birthday, if there was such a thing anymore.

The ringing stops, without the click this time.

“S-Sunny!”

His voice is high, he didn’t actually think the other boy would pick up. He wouldn’t have imagined this, it was almost out of an obligation he kept reaching out. He knew he would get nothing in return.

But he did.

“Sunny? Are you there? It’s Basil!”

It’s just silence. But... that’s how it is, right? Basil talks, and talks, and talks, and Sunny listens! This is just perfectly normal.

“Sunny, I mi-”

Click.

“Oh.”

Sunny hung up. He shouldn’t be surprised anymore.

Sunny didn’t want to talk to him.

He gently set the phone down, hand’s shaking. That’s okay. Sunny didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to do. He’s probably having a hard time. He’s probably really sad about everything.

He probably blames Basil. That’s it.

He must think that Basil is awful. That makes sense, he is. Basil ruined everything. His hands clenched and he gritted his teeth. He was just trying to do what was right! He didn’t want to make Sunny hate him! Sunny shouldn’t hate him! He did what he had to do for Sunny! Doesn’t he get that? He didn’t want this. Now nothing would ever be okay again.

“Fuck.”

Maybe Basil was the one that didn’t get it.

He didn’t call Sunny for a long time after that.

---

“Basil! Hi!”

Sunny was walking across the street, phone to his ear and balancing a tea and coffee in his other arm. A precarious situation for a rookie perhaps, but to a seasoned drink carrier such as Sunny this was light work.

“Just wanted to make sure you got off work okay!”

Sunny rolled his eyes, of course he did. He humored the boy, “I did, I’m coming back right now.”

“Great! So turns out Aubrey is actually gonna be staying at Kim’s tonight, so they’re kind of leaving us with a lot of the cooking.”

Thanksgiving was tomorrow and they were supposed to all be prepping stuff for it, not that any of them were amazing cooks or anything, Basil was probably the best. Looked like for tonight at least though, they were gonna be on their own.

“Sounds good!”

“Okay, see you soon.”

“Bye.”

Sunny hung up and smiled, it was sweet of Basil to check in like that. He always felt a lot better after talking with Basil, and he was really starting to understand why. He just... was having a hard time fully processing the whole situation.

So luckily he found himself back home before he had to much further.

Soon Sunny was at the table resting his head in one hand, sipping coffee from the other, watching Basil intently as he rambled on about the plans for the night. Now that Sunny’s here, they can really get started. They’ll definitely have to do the pies tonight. Sweet potatoes – maybe. Wouldn’t hurt to get a head start on deviled eggs, they can just go in the fridge.

Sunny just nodded along, Basil was the mastermind behind this whole operation, he didn’t have much to add.

A small smile played across his lips as he watched the way Basil picked up his tea to take a sip in-between talking, the slight pause and chuckle as he brushed his hair out of his eyes. The way his hair gently fell on his shoulders, much more graceful and delicate than Sunny’s own. In that moment he suddenly felt self conscious, that if Basil chose to look at him the way Sunny was looking at him now, there wouldn’t be much at all to see.

“Sunny?”

“Sorry! What?”

Basil laughed, “I just asked if you wanted to get started.”

“Oh! Yes!”

Basil rolled his eyes, “Okay!”

Before he knew it they were loading the pies into the oven and setting the timer. Basil glanced at the clock and sighed, “Wow. 1 AM. We are in for quite the night, you know that?”

“You should sleep, I can stay up and take them out.”

“Psh, and miss out on Sunny time? No way.”

Sunny felt his face flush, “OK, but... really it’s like... moon time.”

Because it’s night? Sunny just got embarrassing when he was embarrassed.

Despite that, Basil somehow laughs. And Sunny feels okay with his embarrassing joke. Basil glances at the TV, as if about to put something on, before shaking his head.

“You wanna go outside, Sunny?”

“Okay, let me get ready.”

It was far too cold to go out in just the t-shirt and sweats he was wearing. He threw on his black hoodie and followed Basil out the door, before they sat down in the grass together.

This was something you didn’t get in the city. The milky way sprawled over them, glittering specks of light thousands of years old shining through an eternity, just to illuminate this evening. For what purpose?

“It’s beautiful,” Basil sighed, leaning back into the grass. Sunny did the same.

It was.

“Um. You know what’s cool about that one?” Sunny pointed, “That really bright one. It’s not a star, I don’t think. This time of year that should be Jupiter."

Basil turned to face Sunny and smiled, “Really? I had no idea.”

Sunny nodded, “I think that’s so cool, that we can a whole planet. It’s really really cool with a telescope, but not as cool as Saturn. Me and my Dad used to use one, but. You know.”

“Trust me, I understand.”

He knew Basil did. That was good, because Sunny didn’t really want to get into all that right now. he just wanted to talk to Basil.

A moment of silence and a silent frown on Basil’s face, Sunny wanted to break the silence, break whatever thoughts were coursing through the boy’s mind.

“Maybe we could get a telescope?” Sunny inquired, “If we saved up, I mean... because it wouldn’t be worth it to just get a cheap one.”

“Christmas is coming up, silly. Don’t buy yourself anything yet.”

Sunny laughed, somehow still warm despite the frigid air surrounding him. Okay, nice sentiment, but Sunny was gonna have to tell him how expensive the kind of telescope he wanted was. Basil was probably thinking $70... it was a little closer to $700. That’s if they’re lucky.

But it wasn’t the time for that, Sunny looked over at Basil and felt his heart soften. The way his eyes shone as he talked to Sunny, he swore the night sky had to be a reflection of the galaxy within Basil’s eyes. Inside of Basil he knew there was multitudes. Multitudes of emotion, of knowledge, of fear, of love, of hate, regret, sorrow, and tragedy. Sunny wanted to be a part of that cosmos, to lose himself within the boy as he felt lost just within his presence. However deep he goes, Sunny wanted to follow. Sunny would follow him. Sunny had to follow him.

The side of Basil’s lip curled into a small smile as he stared back at him, almost as if to say he’d read his mind, offering a sly, “follow me, then.”

Sunny smiled back.

“Is it pretty, Sunny?”

“Hm?”

“Jupiter. It looks pretty from here.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“It’s wonderful how something so far away can still inspire us, isn’t it?”

Nearly four-hundred-million miles away, Jupiter wasn’t too far in the grand scheme of things. But in Earth terms, it was far. Something destiny had decided the two would never see for themselves in person, but still illuminated their night.

“Kind of like you did,” Basil continued.

Sunny frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Just, when you were gone. I still believed in you I guess. I stopped reaching out because... it hurt too much, but, I still wanted to believe you were going to come back,” he laughed, “That’s the only reason I made it so long. Inspired by something so far away... you felt farther than these stars do.”

“I’m sorry, Basil.”

“No, I’m sorry, Sunny. It was never you. It was never your fault.”

“It wasn’t yours either.”

Basil sighed, “We were stupid kids.”

“We are stupid kids.”

Basil laughed at that, almost enough to conceal the tear slipping from his cheek. Sunny brushed it away with his thumb as Basil stared back, eyes wide.

“We’re in this together, Basil,” he tried to deepen his voice to hide any cracks of emotion forcing itself out, “and we’re together now. I’m not going away again. I promise.”

Basil sighed, “I would never blame anyone else, if they were in our position, God, twelve year olds are so stupid, how could you ever define someone by their actions at that age? But... shit Sunny, it’s so hard sometimes...”

Basil really started to cry now, burying his face into his hands. Sunny wrapped his arms around the other boy and pulled him close, letting him rest against his chest. He hesitated for a moment, before slowly beginning to rub his back.

“Hey... it’s okay, Basil. It’s okay,” there was no illusion of a deep voiced confidence from Sunny’s end anymore.

“And I’m sorry, because I shouldn’t be bringing this up, because this is probably so hard for you and I’m so sorry Sunny, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry because you’re probably so upset now but I’m the one crying and it’s about me again! And it’s never about you,” he sobbed, “I want you to talk to me too but I can see why you don’t when this is how I handle your problems, and you didn’t even bring it up and it was such a nice night!”

Sunny took a deep shaky breath, blinking the tears from his eyes as he held the other boy close.

“Basil... that’s not true, Basil. Listen to me, okay?” Basil looked up at him and Sunny felt a surge of protection. All he knew in his heart was that he had to keep Basil safe. He felt this so strongly he nearly broke down.

“Basil. We both made mistakes. We both wish we didn’t.” he took another breath for composure, “I ran away from it, and I ran away from you, and... I almost died from that. I think we both nearly did. Basil, I feel better when I’m around you. I’m sad, and I’m scared, and I’m lost, and I’m so many bad things but when I’m with you I feel better. I feel better around you, Basil, so please don’t think you aren’t helping me, because you’re the only thing that’s making it better.”

“Oh, Sunny.”

Basil hugged him, and squeezed tighter than one could ever imagine the scrawny boy was capable of. Sunny held him back.

Under the stars, in Basil’s arms, sharing tears, he felt safe. He hoped that Basil did too.

“Basil, you’re a kind person. You love, you love so much. You try to help everybody you know. You were always there for me, even when I pushed you away. Basil, I... I’m grateful for you.”

Basil shook his head, blinking the tears from his eyes, “I’m sorry. Thank you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Basil, I promise. I’m... I’m here.”

“You’re here,” he murmured.

Sunny smiled. That’s a surge of protection he had only ever felt for Basil, even when they were kids. Silently listening as Basil confided he was being bullied, Sunny wanted nothing more than to fight those who hurt his best friend. Is this what Basil had felt that night?

He always understood, but he felt more sympathetic now. He felt like he understood Basil better than he ever had.

“Here,” Sunny pulled Basil up to his feet, letting the boy lean against him, “The sky is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Basil nodded against him.

“Want to go inside? We’ll put something on the TV, and we can make hot chocolate while we wait for the pies to finish.”

“Sunny...”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

He was never going to abandon Basil again. He swore to himself in that moment he would always be by the other boy's side. He would never let things be how they were before. Like they were when...

---

Sunny stood alone by the phone, balloons floating around him, a lazily thrown up “Happy Birthday 14th Birthday” decal already peeling off the wall. Sunny’s mom had to work, so he was here alone.

He didn’t really know why he was standing there, truth be told, he didn’t really even remember walking here. But he seemed to find himself here, waiting for something he didn’t know he was waiting for.

Phone’s are things that are supposed to ring, on an occasion at least, though this phone had been relatively dead, at least when it came to a ringing for Sunny’s ears. It used to be that everyday that phone attempted to reach him, but that all stopped around a year ago. Now it was at most a decoration, a centerpiece of the counter. Well, it had some purpose at least.

It did ring, though. To Sunny’s shock, if you could call it that. Internally some hint of curiosity may have grown within him, but there was no jump, no startle. No change in expression.

Still, he swallowed. He picked up the phone.

“Sunny... hi.”

Sunny started to shake.

“I’m sorry, it’s... been a while, right?” a awkward laugh, “I just wanted to say, um. Happy birthday. Getting older.”

Sunny didn’t know why, but there was a tear streaming down his face. He wanted to hang up. He wanted to slam the phone down.

“I know that you don’t want to talk to me, that’s okay. I understand. I’ll keep our secret, Sunny. Don’t worry. I’ll keep you safe.”

Sunny’s breath was raspy now, he felt like the phone was going to drop out of his hands. What? What secret? He didn’t want to think about this. He couldn’t think about this. There was nothing to think about.

Why wasn’t he talking to Basil?

He didn’t know.

He just knew he couldn’t.

He tried to swallow again but his mouth was too dry.

“I’ll leave you alone again now, I hope you have a good birthday, okay, Sunny?”

There’s a moment of silence, then a click.

“I’m sorry,” Sunny whispered, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Basil."

It was too late. But would he really have said anything if he was still there? He knew he wouldn't have. Things would never be okay again, would they?

No, it'll be okay. He just had to lay down. He'd go find Basil. 

He's probably lost again. He might be in Otherworld. He'd find him. He would protect him from the bad guys.

He had to keep Basil safe. 

---

Basil was bundled up in blankets on the couch, sipping on a third mug of hot chocolate and watching hallmark trash that Sunny had put on the TV. He watched it a lot with his mom, and knew it was just mindless enough to soothe an upset mind. He offered to take the pies out for the other boy, so he was, gently setting them out to cool. Almost felt like Hero, a real chef! He rolled his eyes at the idea.

“They look perfect, Basil! You did a great job.”

“You did a great job,” Basil retorted.

The other boy was feeling better, those his eyes were clearly puffy, and the hint of sadness failed to leave his voice. It was something Sunny understood, as he sat down on the couch again besides the boy.

Basil’s head fell on his shoulder as he yawned. Sunny’s body stiffened, but he didn’t pull away.

“Thank you, Sunny,” the boy’s voice was clearly exhausted as another yawn escaped from him, “You’re the best.”

Sunny shook his head, “Thank you, Basil.”

“Sunny... we’re... best friends, right?”

Basil looked up at him from his shoulder, eye’s accentuated by eyebags, but still holding a glint of curiosity.

They were best friends, right?

“Of course.”

Basil smiled, but he didn’t seem fully satisfied.

“What happens when you move away, Sunny? When you... meet someone. I don’t... want to be alone.”

This was the kind of tired when you just started letting things out. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Sunny was just as exhausted. Despite that, he had the sense to not say he already had found someone even though... that person was right there.

“I’m always going to be right here.”

“Promise...?”

“Promise.”

Sunny yawned this time, feeling his eyes slowly shut. Basil’s weight against his shoulder, warm deep breaths against his neck, his hand just barely brushing his.

Would it be a crime to have this every night?