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Amanda had had enough wine to be relaxed, but not enough to consider herself drunk. It had been a lovely wedding - the ceremony was small, but the reception more than made up for it, the large hall that Fin and Phoebe had hired was packed to the brim with their friends and family - dozens of people Amanda knew and even more that she didn’t.
She and Sonny had arrived at the wedding together, but not with any illusion that things were any different than they would have been a year ago; he might be newly single, but they hadn’t taken the time to unpack that particular box just yet. He wasn’t her date to the wedding, not technically. They had walked in with Jesse between them, and they had sat together - his arm might have made its way around the back of her chair, but they didn’t touch; at least, not until he held out a hand to help her up from her seat. They had arrived at the reception together, too - and if their hands had brushed as they walked in through the doorway, well that was just a necessity of moving through a smaller space; if his palm rested on her back as he steered her towards their table, that was just him being polite.
If they’d stayed side by side almost the whole day, and if he’d held Billie on his knee while she picked at the plate of food he’d gotten for her, he was just being a good friend, a good godfather. If they’d shared a smile while Fin made his speech - if their eyes had met while Fin talked about the love he had for his former partner and the way they had slotted into each other’s lives differently; how she was a different kind of partner now - well, that was just the sentiment of the day getting to them. If they flirted - if she batted her eyelashes when her glass was empty, if he leaned in a little closer than necessary to whisper in her ear, if she caught his eyes grazing over her lips as she spoke - well, those things were a little harder to deny.
But she told herself that she hadn’t read into anything - that it was far too soon to ask him to jump into anything right now; she didn’t want to be a rebound girlfriend, and she pointedly ignored the voice in the back of her head that told her she wasn’t anyone’s rebound. They’d enjoyed themselves - not just with each other, but with their friends, their extended family - with Liv, and Kat, and Barba, and Stabler, and with Munch and Cragen, with Nick Amaro, who’d flown in just for the wedding.
The night was no longer as young as it once had been, both the older and younger guests had started to depart, the lights were down and the room was full of people just enjoying each other’s company. Sienna had collected Billie an hour ago, but Jesse had pleaded with Amanda to let her stay, and when she had hesitated Jesse had turned those eyes on Sonny - who was a sucker for Jesse at the best of times, and worse when he was four beers and three hours of flirtation with her mother in - and so Jesse was still partying the night away.
She had hauled Sonny onto the dance floor almost a dozen times, but he’d pleaded exhaustion and was now sat at Amanda’s side, leaning his elbows on the table between them as they watched Jesse run giddily around the room, chasing balloons with Jayden. Amanda turned towards Sonny, the knuckles of her fingers brushing against his where he cupped his right elbow. He tilted his head away from Jesse and towards her, his eyes meeting Amanda’s, and the air between them was thick with tension and promise.
“You havin’ a good time?” he asked, a smile filling his face, his fingers moving ever so slightly against hers.
“It’s been nice,” she smiled back at him, and he held her gaze for a moment, opening his mouth to say something else just as Jesse approached the table, out of breath and excited.
“Mommy! Mommy!” she shouted as she stumbled to a halt between the two of them, “Mommy, they’re playing all the romantic songs now. And Jayden’s daddies are going to dance together and Uncle Fin is even gonna dance. With Phoebe.”
“Yeah, that’s what happens at weddings, baby,” Amanda said, moving away from Sonny to reach out and tuck a loose strand of Jesse’s hair behind her ear.
“Mommy, you gotta dance too,” Jesse said, ducking away from Amanda’s hand and stepping back towards the dance floor, “Come on.”
Amanda made a show of sighing dramatically as she stood up, but she let Jesse take her hand in her smaller one, “One dance, Jess, then we’ll have to think about heading home, okay?”
“Okay,” Jesse said impatiently, turning towards Sonny, who had stretched his legs out in front of him, taking up the space where her own had been. He was smiling fondly at them both as Jesse let out a huff of frustration, “And you, Uncle Sonny.”
“What? I thought you were dancin’ with your momma?” he said, making no attempt to stand up.
Jesse dropped Amanda’s hand and moved closer to Sonny, tugging on his hand now, “Please Uncle Sonny, please?”
Amanda knew he was done for.
He let Jesse pull on his arm, scrambling up as she did so; Jesse took Amanda’s hand in her free one and they let her drag them to the middle of the dance floor.
She dropped both of their hands once she was satisfied with their location, and gave each of them a brief nod of the head before she stepped away from them. “Okay, bye,” she said, skipping away gleefully, descending into giggles as she joined Noah and Jayden back at their table.
Amanda turned to look at Sonny, an eyebrow raised, the two of them now standing pretty much in the centre of the dance floor, a slow song playing and couples - almost only couples - dancing close around them. She laughed, “Did we just get played by a five year old?”
“I think so,” he shrugged, “But I’m game if you are,” he said, the smile she loved back again as he held out a hand in invitation.
Her heart fluttered in her chest as she took his hand in hers, letting him draw her in close, after all this time. After a whole day of stolen glances, long looks, brushed hands. After a whole year of inching closer and closer, even through all the obstacles that life threw in their path - some of them of their own making. After years previous of looking at him but not seeing him; not letting herself see him because he was too good, too nice, too kind, all the things her childhood, and the road her life had taken ever since, had told her she couldn’t have, didn’t deserve to have.
She couldn’t not see him now - and that had been the way things were for a long time; her eyes darting to him whenever he was in the room, the sound of his voice drawing her attention whenever he spoke - sometimes it felt like all she did see, and hear, and breathe was him. They stood as close as either one of them dared, his hands on her waist, her arms around his neck, and they moved slowly to the music. They danced close, and Amanda revelled in it - being held by him like this, and just because she could be, not for comfort or protection or reassurance, but just because they wanted to hold each other.
“Not that Jesse isn’t an excellent dance partner,” Sonny said, his voice low, the thumb of his right hand moving back and forth across her hip as they danced, “But I gotta say this is what I’ve been missing all night.”
“You could’ve asked me,” Amanda said.
“Wasn’t sure you’d say yes,” he whispered back, his eyes on hers, half a smile on his lips - nervousness warring with hope on his face.
“Well now you know,” she said, her tone flirty and inviting, “And your name is all over my dance card now, Carisi.”
He laughed, a genuine happy laugh that left a grin on his face, and she found she had never been more attracted to him, never felt more for him than she did in that moment, as though everything had been building up to now - this place, this time.
She didn’t want to hold back any longer, didn’t want to wait and risk missing her opportunity. Her arms were already around his neck, but she moved her right hand up to cup the back of his head, caught the realisation in his eyes half a second before she brought her lips up to meet his, and he stopped moving, stopped there in the middle of the dance floor and moved his hands from her waist up to cup her cheeks in his, deepening the kiss, coaxing her mouth open without much persuasion.
She was dimly aware of the people around them, but it wasn’t until he broke the kiss, his breath warm against her cheek as his nose bumped hers, that she realised just how much attention their friends had been paying; she could hear Kat hollering at them, Jesse’s excited chatter and Noah’s exaggerated groans, and she moved her head away from Sonny’s only just long enough to glance over his shoulder - Jesse was standing on the chair Sonny had recently vacated, Liv’s arm hovering behind her in case she lost her balance as she bounced about joyously; the smile on Liv’s face was one of genuine happiness, Noah's groaning had been replaced a beaming smile as he gave Jesse a high-five, and out of the corner of her eye Amanda caught Fin, still dancing with his bride, but smiling smugly at them, like this was somehow his own doing.
There were other eyes on them too, the rest of their friends and colleagues, and Amanda knew this would be a story buzzing around the precinct on Monday morning but she didn’t care - she turned back to Sonny, capturing his lips again, a shorter kiss this time, one they were both smiling into. This time when they broke apart he brought his arms around her waist, his hands resting in the small of her back, and she rested her head against his chest as they wordlessly moved together to the song that was still playing; she breathed him in, the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body, letting him hold her for a little longer.
When the song came to an end she drew back, catching his hands as he dropped them from her waist, and they shared a smile that grew into a laugh - both beaming, both overwhelmed by the collision after years of near misses and deliberate swerves. She tugged him forward by his hands, pressing her lips to his again, just a touch before she smiled up at him, “Are we good?”
“Are we- Amanda- seven years I wait to kiss you and-” he laughed, shaking his head before dropping her hands and reaching forward to take her face in his palms again, drawing her bottom lip between his and kissing her like he never wanted to stop, she curled her fists into the material of his suit jacket as he deepened the kiss, right there in the middle of the room without any illusion that they were here to dance. When they separated again he grinned, “That answer your question?”