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Zagreus: Take a left turn at Elysium. Once you're there, take a right turn soon as you reach Brimstone Alley. You'll be at the Gates of Tartarus. Some Italian weenie's harassing the souls of the damned for a crappy poem he's writing. Just ignore him.
Tauren: What do I do after that?
Zagreus: Do a 180 degree turn before you reach Nepenthe Heights. You should see a sign that says "Alastor Haberdashery." That's where I get my laurel crowns creased and ironed. Once you're there, go down the alleyway to the left. You'll see a hooded figure selling fake ancient Egyptian relics to help you cheat at children's card games...
Tauren: And?
Zagreus: Ignore that guy. He's an asshole. Still owes me five-thousand Malebolgian Dollars from that time I had to pay his bail... but I digress. Once you're past that jerk, you'll meet another hooded figure, a woman. Says her name's Anna, but everybody calls her "Joy" and/or "Jenny."
Tauren: Why's that?
Zagreus (shrugs): Hell if I know. You didn't hear it from me, but sources say she has over a thousand identical sisters back in the surface. She wound up here after a Ponzi scheme went horribly wrong. She wasn't in on it, but she got sent to the Circle of Grafters anyway. Turns out it was a clerical error. Some asswipe named Screwtape got her files mixed up, so she's stuck here till management sorts out this whole damn mess. Meanwhile, she kills time selling Bronze Swords, Axes, Bows, and Magic Tomes to adventurers who wanna find...
Tauren: The Holy Grail? The One Ring?
Zagreus (stern): We don't talk about overrated Oxford Dons in this here Hell, young bull. No, they're looking for something called... the Flaming Logo, I think. Anyway, you're gonna tell Anna / Joy / Jenny / whatever today's secret password: "Nulla Redemptio." Write it down so you won't forget. (Tauren does exactly that). Once you do that, she'll take you to the backroom of her shop, where some mercenary named Simmons is holed 'coz he's hiding from an evil clown. Again, you didn't hear it from me.
Tauren: What happens next?
Zagreus: You're on your own from then on, buddy. I'd love to come along and help, but I'm busy trying to overthrow my evil dad. I'm sick and tired of him making me come to work whenever I'm trying to have a Star Wars marathon with the boys.
Tauren (enthused): Really? Which ones're your favorites?
Zagreus: The ones with The Senate.
Tauren: I like the ones with Ben Solo.
Zagreus (alarmed): Don't say that out loud, dumbass! The damned'll tear you apart! It's one thing to steal, kill, fornicate, defraud, deceive, desert, and all that, but liking overhyped crappy sequels is too much! This may be the Realm of the Damned and all that, but even we have this thing called "integrity."
Tauren: Don't you mean "good taste"?
Zagreus: Same difference. Run along now. That harp-playing prima donna's trying to rescue his dead wife for the umpteenth time. Imma spook him and make him look behind so he'll lose her again and he'll have to try next century.
Tauren: That's... kinda mean.
Zagreus: Trust me, he has it coming. Now get going. I promised Cerberus I'd get Grade A beef for today's lunch. Damn mutt's such a fussy eater. He'll be furious if he catches me talking to you, and I don't feel like letting him rat me out to the guy downstairs.
Tauren: Satan?
Zagreus: He's away on sabbatical. Umbridge's covering for him. Later, dude. (Leaves).
Tauren: Don't buy that GPS, they said. Waste of money, they said. We know a guy, they said... (Leaves).