Work Text:
As Seokjin moved all of his belongings to boxes, he found a letter inside a book without a cover. He looked around a bit, trying to find its cover but to no avail. He sighed and checked his watch. 2:16 PM. He had a bit of time left.
He went to his couch, got comfortable and opened the letter. His heart sank immediately.
“Dear Seokjin hyung,
Heya! It’s Jeongguk. By the time you’re reading this I’ll be long gone and I don’t know how I feel about that yet. Lately, the days have been so surreal, so slow and melancholic like there’s something I’m missing. I can’t help but think that I don’t want to leave until I find what that is but, unfortunately, it’s out of my hands.
It’s been raining and you’ve been begging to go outside and jump on the puddles but I always say I don’t want to because I don’t want to catch a cold. To be honest, the only reason I don’t want to is because I barely have the energy to get out of bed. I’ve been doing so, just for you, just to see you each passing day, but it’s been getting harder and harder lately.
I started writing this letter for a reason actually.
I read this book called The Giver and it really made me think. I know you hate spoilers and I want to read the book so I’m not going to say much about it but the ending touched me in a way I didn't expect it to. The whole book really affected me but that last paragraph really stuck with me. Here, I’ll quote it. “Behind him, across vast distances of space and time, from the place he had left, he thought he had heard music too. But perhaps it was only an echo.” That paragraph hasn’t been able to leave my head since I read it. Weird, right? Anyway, I really enjoyed the book. Very thought provoking and moving. You should read it sometime.
That was all I wanted to write about but, thinking about it now, I should probably leave you something more than a book recommendation, right? I think I know what I should say next.
Ever since we started dating, I knew I wanted a life with you. Everyday, when you held me close in your arms, I fell in love with you more and more. The way you would pat my head when I made you laugh, the way you would hold my hand when I was anxious, the way you would kiss me like it was the last time you could, I love it. I love you. Loved. Weird how time flows, huh? Taking away anything it wants.
Maybe you and I weren’t meant to be. I always thought you were so much bigger than life itself but you made room for me. You sacrificed everything for me, yet it was probably all for nothing.
I was going to propose, y’know? On the exact same day I got the news. I still have the ring. I’ll tell you where it is at the ending note of this letter so no cheating. Namjoon hyung and Jimin hyung knew I was going to propose and told me you were going to say yes which I truly believed but I guess the timing didn’t align. Sorry.
I’m running out of paper so I want to say one last thing.
Do not give up on me Kim Seokjin. You hear?
You will live. You have to live. Life will go on without me and if I ever find out you gave up your dreams because of me I will actually hate you forever. Go on, become an actor! Become a singer as well if you’d like. I left a few songs for you on your phone already, just search for them. I also left some art for you, just go and search the back of the closet where you find this.
And most importantly, thank you. Thank you for not giving up on me when everyone else did. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for loving me like only you did. Thank you for letting me love you back.
Thank you for everything and also sorry for everything.
Goodbye, love.
Jeon Jeongguk.
PS: the ring is on my platform boots that I didn’t get to wear <3 also tell Yoongi hyung, Hoseok hyung, Namjoon hyung, Jimin hyung and Taehyung hyung that I said hi and that i miss them.”
By the time Seokjin finished reading, he was laughing while crying. He got up from the couch and immediately searched for the aforementioned ring which he found with ease, wondering how he didn;t know of it’s existence. He put it on immediately and choked on a sob right after. It fit perfectly. Leave it to Jeongguk to make everything perfect.
He got up quickly and picked up his coat to make his way towards the only place he could communicate with Jeongguk.
As he walked, the gravestone he hadn't seen in years made its way towards his vision. Jeon Jeongguk, 1987-2013, it read.
He placed a bouquet of supermarket flowers he had bought on his way there on top of the neglected grave and couldn’t help the tears rolling down his eyes.
“Hey, Jk. It’s been a while, huh?”
“...”
“I’ve missed you a lot over the last 8 years. I, uh, I’m sorry I haven’t visited.”
:...”
“Um, I read your letter. I only found it because I was preparing to move. I wish I had found it sooner, haha.”
“...”
“Uh, I, um, I became an actor, just like I promised you. Had a pretty big hit the year you left…”
“...”
“I found the ring, Jeongguk… After all this time.” And just as he said that, he broke down into sobs.
‘Fuck, I can’t do this. I can’t do anything. Everything has been so hard since you left, Gguk. Yoongi and Namjoon got divorced. Hoseok moved away. Jimin and Taehyung had a falling out. Everything went to shit and— and I can’t help but think it was all my fault. You left and I couldn’t pull myself together. I’m so sorry. I just— I should wish you were still here, y’know? I wish it was the same as 8 years ago when everything was ok. I wished we had gotten married and maybe had a kid or two. Maybe even a dog or something. I wish we would've been happy —”
He sighs, trying to collect himself but failing miserably.
“I just wished we could’ve been happy…”
“...”
Seokjin left the cemetery and made a group chat with all of his now ex-friends. They deserved this at least, he thought.
“Gguk said hi. Said he misses you.”
Typing…
Typing…
Typing...
Read, September 1st, 2021.