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i.
Here’s what Midoriya Izuku knows.
He is quirkless, so he must be useless. After all, Kacchan said so, and Kacchan is always right. Kacchan would never lie to him, he’s his friend.
He is quirkless, so he is invisible. To the teachers who turn a blind eye when he is being shoved into a locker, to the witnesses who look away when his face is shoved into the wooden plank floor, he doesn’t even exist. As someone who is quirkless, he is worthless to society.
And that is what Kacchan tells him on their last day in Aldera Junior High.
“Hope that you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life, and take a swan dive off the roof of the school building!”
Izuku ...doesn’t know how he feels about this. Kacchan hasn’t been his friend in years, but they had an agreement.
Izuku would stay out of Kacchan’s way, and Kacchan wouldn’t hurt him. Wouldn’t carve Izuku open with words that are just as sharp as he is.
(He doesn’t mention all the times Kacchan would break this fragile agreement of theirs. Being pushed down the stairs and dealing with a bruise that spanned down his back for months. Having his precious, precious notebooks destroyed time and time again by a quirk that he would have killed for. All the time he spent in his room patching up his uniform, hoping to god his mother didn’t knock on his door.)
Izuku thinks about Kacchan’s words, and doesn’t feel anything.
(Izuku still doesn’t feel anything standing on the rooftop of a random apartment building with his dreams shattered.)
ii.
Here’s what Midoriya Izuku doesn’t understand.
He’s not quirkless anymore. He’s got the best quirk, it has to be, it’s All Might’s quirk!
So ...why did Kacchan still treat him as if he was worth nothing?
Again and again he trains to be better, faster, stronger. All so he can be just as good- better than Kacchan. Again and again, he proves himself. So Kacchan will finally see him as an equal.
The Entrance Exam. The Sports Festival. Saving Iida from Stain during internships. Saving Kota from Muscular at the summer camp. Saving Kacchan from All For One at Kamino. Saving Eri from Overhaul during work studies.
Look at me, Kacchan, he thinks, I’m a hero, just like you. Better than you.
Kacchan still won’t look him in the eyes. Kacchan won’t even acknowledge his presence. Izuku thinks he hates Kacchan, now.
I’m right here, Kacchan, he thinks, so why can’t you see me?
Izuku looks at Kacchan, and all he can feel is a burning hate.
The ball of anger festering under his skin grows and grows and grows until finally, Izuku’s patience snaps like an overtightened guitar string.
They are studying for their final exams when it happens. Bakugou is talking to Mina, Kirishima and Kaminari. The self proclaimed ‘Bakusquad’. Izuku sees them jokin with Kacchan, and wishes he had that kind of charisma.
It’s not easy, hating them. They are nice, energetic, and almost always optimistic. Exactly the kind of person that he sees in the mirror.
(But he hates the way the corner of Kacchan’s lips twitch into a small smile, just for a second. He hates that Kacchan doesn’t use his quirk on them, just to show them that he is stronger, he is better.)
He hates that Kacchan has even an ounce of respect for them, because it is the one thing he has been working his ass off for.
And all he can think is, I can’t do this anymore.
He spends too long looking over the railing on the top of the U.A. dorm roof building that night. Iida and Uraraka and Todoroki are the only ones to stop him from falling, not that they will ever know.
Selfish, a small voice in his head proclaims.
iii.
Midoriya Izuku is confused.
Kacchan said he was worthless because he was quirkless. But now that he had a quirk, Kacchan still wouldn’t acknowledge him.
Kacchan thought of people with not-as-perfect quirks as lower than him. Kacchan thought Izuku was lower than him.
Kacchan thought a lot of things, and Izuku is just now realising that Kacchan might not always be right.
And that makes Izuku feel confused.
iv.
“The school board has demanded you all see a therapist.”
Izuku doesn’t hear the rest of Aizawa-sensei’s words. When Aizawa-sensei sticks the sign-up sheet next to the blackboard, Izuku is the first to write his name down.
(Kacchan is the only one in the class not to write his name. Izuku hates him for that.)
Standing in front of the therapist’s door, though, he wonders if he’s made a mistake.
(At the last second, he turns away. He’s not ready to talk just yet.)
He turns away from the therapist’s office, and he walks into the hospital.
“Which room doesn Eri- she’s the little girl with the volatile quirk, came in just a few weeks ago- which room is she?”
The receptionist looks up.
“Ah, you must be Deku. Eri’s been asking for you all day. We were about to send your teacher a message. She’s in room 241, just over there.”
Hearing the name Deku come out of her mouth stings. He had made it his hero name in hopes to regain some control over his past, but hearing Deku come out of everyone’s mouth when they speak to him just makes him feel more and more worthless. He wonders if it’s too late to change it.
He mutters a quick thank-you under his breath, because if there’s one thing his mother taught him, it is to always be polite.
Eri is sitting on the hospital bed when he comes in.
She looks up, and she sees him.
She knows what it’s like to be hurt. To be invisible. After all, to Overhaul, she was only worth her quirk.
(She doesn’t know the pain of staying silent.)
(But Izuku can’t fault her for that, so he peeks over her shoulder and smiles at her colouring.)
v.
Izuku wants to run.
Sitting in front of the therapist, it’s all too much.
He can’t do this.
So he gets up, and he walks away. The therapist doesn’t try to call after him.
(Kacchan was right when he called him a coward.)
Coward, the nasty voice in his head calls out. You’re a coward.
vi.
“Are you okay?”
Uraraka has always been an empathetic friend. She has always been able to tell when any of them- Iida, Todoroki, himself- was feeling sad. That’s why he thinks she doesn’t believe him when he smiles and tells her it’s fine.
(Because it isn’t.)
Liar, and the voice is starting to sound like Kacchan, you’re just a coward and a liar. You’ll never be a hero.
vii.
In the end, Midoriya Izuku goes to Shinsou.
Shinsou, who was bullied just as badly for his ‘villainous’ quirk.
Shinsou, who looks over at Izuku, and just- knows.
“He hurt you. Don’t try to make excuses for him.”
(Shinsou shrugs, and in that moment, Izuku shatters.)
“You don’t owe him anything. He’s not your friend, and it’s not your job to try to save him.”
Izuku doesn’t hear the voice in his head so much after that.
viii.
Kacchan never apologises.
Time and time again, Izuku is the one to apologise.
I’m sorry, Kacchan, is a phrase that Izuku uses almost daily. Izuku has never heard Kacchan say, I’m sorry, Izuku.
Standing in a crowded hallway heading to class 1-A, Izuku thinks, I’m sorry, Kacchan.
Izuku has learned to twist and turn and dance to Kacchan’s songs. It’s about time Izuku played his own melodies.
I’m sorry, Kacchan, he thinks, I’m sorry I can’t save you.
ix.
Letting go of someone isn’t as easy as the movies make it seem. Izuku can’t stop falling back into the same rhythm that Kacchan has set for him.
But every time, Izuku removes himself from the one-step-two-step dance he has known for years. Every time, Izuku turns away.
(He doesn’t notice Kacchan- Katsuki’s gaze linger in confusion on the back of his head.)
Izuku is no longer the back-up dancer of someone else’s song. He is the main character of his own story, now, and it was time the world listened to his songs.
(It’s time he moved onto better things. Izuku turns away from Kacchan, and towards Iida, Uraraka, Todoroki, and his future.)
x.
Kacchan confronts him after school, on the rooftop of the U.A. dorm building.
Izuku feels a sick sense of nostalgia at that.
“Hope that you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life, and take a swan dive off the roof of the school building!”
To Izuku-in-the-present, it happened lifetimes ago. To Katsuki, it never happened at all.
“Why are you ignoring me?”
Izuku’s voice betrays none of his feelings. While most parts of him recognise that Katsuki is no longer his friend, a small, hopeful part of him whispers, you’ve wanted him to notice you for so long, and now you have him right here.
Another voice, one that sounds uncannily like Shinsou, tells him, he hurt you. He is not your friend, and you don’t owe him anything. Not even an explanation.
And Izuku? Izuku knows which path he’ll follow.
“Kacchan, do you remember the last day in Aldera Junior High? Because I do.”
And Izuku feels as if a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders.
(Izuku is finally free.)