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The sky was dark. Gloomy and dreary. A blanket of clouds covered across the gray sky. As if the gods can't bear to witness Momo's grief.
Everyone muttered their goodbyes and slowly followed their shadows. One by one, they gave Momo some false promises that things would get better, which was the last thing Momo needed to hear. Friends tried to stay as long as they could, persuading her to go home. Momo did not budge.
It seemed like her sorrow had reached the heavens. Perfectly attuned with her mourning. Knees piercing into the freshly dug soil where the love of her life has now resided. Water was pouring down on her. It was raining.
“Momo, let’s go. You’ll catch a cold,” Jeongyeon, equally stubborn as Momo, is the only one left. Momo slapped her hand away from her shoulders.
“Leave me be.”
“Momo I think–”
“Just leave me alone!”
Momo stayed still. Letting the rain soak her and let the raindrops disguise her tears. The bottomless pit of anguish has engulfed her chest. Momo was too blinded to see her friend trying to ease the huge hole in her heart-shaped like Sana.
Jeongyeon nodded and let her be. Thinking that sometimes, people need to cry more to hurt less, but before she left she said, “If I could do anything to save her, I would.”
Fists both clenched at the anger she didn't know to whom directed, she clutched Sana’s ring to her chest. The hard round metal digging into her palms. A silent reminder this isn’t a sick dream she could just wake up to.
Her chest was heavy, she was struggling to breathe as if somehow she was drowning with her own tears, all she can think of is her laugh, her smile, her love.
It felt like an eternity as she stayed there. Soaked and cold. Alone.
"Do you want to save her?"
She heard a voice at the back. A man.
Momo chuckled without any trace of humor. It was the most ridiculous thing anyone has said to her today.
"I would destroy the world to get her back."
"What if I told you that you can travel back in time to save her?"
Momo's ears perked up at the offer, it might be ridiculous, it might be impossible, but desperation overtakes her mind. In moments, she was on her feet, staring at the strange man, begging for a chance. A chance to save Sana.
“At 6:55 PM the comet Interamnia will be the closest it has been to the earth for 5,685 years, aligning with the sun and venus. The god of fate will help you try and save her. Only in your lover’s final hour will you only try to change her fate. Change her fate too early, you will fail. Act too late, you will lose her forever.”
Any sane person would not believe such a thing, but that part of Momo died, along with Sana. So she nods, mind clouded with desperation, trying to ignore her heart's drowning ache.
“There will be a price.”
“Name the price. I will do anything in exchange for my wife.”
The man plastered a sick smile across his lips and shook his head. As if seeing her eagerness in her eyes as foolishness, and perhaps it did.
“For every hour you spend on that day, every hour you shed until you save your beloved, you will lose a year from your lifespan.”
Momo doesn't need to contemplate any longer. If making a deal with the devil is what it costs to have her back, then there was only one choice.
“You will not share a single soul about this matter,” The stranger held out his hand, thin and pale. “Hirai Momo, do you accept all of these terms and what consequence it entails?”
With no hesitation in her eyes, she took his hand and sealed their accord.
~~~
9:12 am
Momo felt a hand on her cheeks, she groaned. She felt a pair of soft lips kissed her cheeks, eyes still heavy, she forced it open. Momo did not regret it. The sight she was greeted by was Sana. A teasing smile inches away from her face. Momo broke into a sleepy grin, which only made Sana’s smile wider.
“Hey, sleepyhead, time for breakfast. We have a big day ahead.”
“I love you,” Momo murmured and wrapped her hand on her waist still buried in pillows and blankets. No intention to move just yet.
Sana removed her hand and pushed Momo flat on her back then sat on her stomach. Placing a hand on Momo’s chin forcing her to look up, meeting her gaze. A dangerous smirk on her lips.
“Does this wake you up?”
“When you put it that way it would be illegal to sleep anymore,” Momo joked, a hand rising to her thighs which were slapped by Sana immediately.
“No, no, no,” Sana pulled Momo out of bed, to which only Momo responded with a whine. “I prepared something.”
Sana managed to pull Momo out of their room, against her complaints and pushed her inside the other room. Sana's hands covered her eyes, preventing Momo to see what kind of surprise she had in store.
They were in their living room. The furniture moved to the side to give more room at the center. Pink rose petals were spread across the room to form a heart. The dining table moved to the side. Sana made her favorite meal. A candle at the center. Sana went closer to the stereo and played their song.
“You always do the sweetest grand gestures every anniversary,” Sana explained, a shy smile across her lips as she wrapped her hands around her neck. “I figured I should try to step up my game this year."
Momo was beyond happy, helplessly in love, to the same woman for the last nine years. She should have the silliest smile but something kept on tugging her heartstrings. Something she had no clue yet.
“You could do nothing, and I'd love you even more,” Momo whispered back, confusion stirred around her chest. Trying to push foreign feelings aside she focused on the rhythm of the song.
“You don’t deserve anything less,” Sana held her closer, eyes filled with nothing but love.
Momo only hummed in response, burying her face to neck, welcoming her comforting warmth, focusing on nothing but Sana’s beating heart. Yet somehow felt like it was a timer.
“I love you, Sana.”
“I know.”
“You know, you have to say it back, right?”
“I know,” Sana lets out an easy chuckle. “I can’t believe that until now–even when I already put a ring on your finger–you always pout whenever I tease you.”
Never succeeding to fight the urge to kiss whenever she saw Momo’s pout, Sana kissed her.
“I love you too,” Sana put both hands on her cheek and looked straight into her eyes, “So much that I endured five years of having you as my girlfriend and four years of being your wife.”
“But not enough to not buy those yogurts I love,” Momo joked as she scanned the table, taking a seat in front of Sana.
Sana rolled her eyes, accepting the fact that Momo will never let the yogurt incident go.
They first met when they fought over the last yogurt they liked at a convenience store, the blatant flirting, the playful bicker. In the end, Momo offered Sana to have it, Sana offered to share it as they sat at the hood of her car, sharing a spoon looking at the stars, joking and talking, doing nothing but fall in love.
“Have you checked the fridge?”
Momo didn’t move an inch, if so, all she did was hold Sana tighter. Perfectly content to have her in her arms. Sana pinched her cheeks and wiped the tears falling on Momo’s cheeks and chuckled. Momo doesn’t know why she was crying, but it felt right.
“I miss this,”
“We just did this last night, silly,” Sana kissed her cheeks. Momo can’t waive the intense feeling inside her chest. Something felt wrong. Wrong and familiar.
They stayed like this, arm and arm for a few more minutes until Sana’s phone rang. Buzzing and blaring the familiar tune of her ringtone. It dawned on her. The urgent call, her endless crying, the funeral, Sana’s grave. The flashbacks came crashing down on her like an avalanche.
The sudden tense on Momo’s shoulders caused Sana to pull away and look. All Sana could see was Momo’s blanched face, as if she was looking at a ghost. With shaky hands, Momo sought Sana’s hand. Trying to brush off her dread.
Sana sends her a look, concern evident in her eyes.
"Baby, is something wrong?”
Yes
“No,” Momo shook her head and gave a forced smile. “I just remembered a bad dream, that’s all.”
“I’m sure you’ll forget about it soon, baby.”
It was real. You died.
“Now come on, I prepared some breakfast. Let’s eat. I’m running late already,”
~~~
11:23 am
Momo had a lot of regrets that very day. This moment was one of them.
Sana was busy getting ready for work. Which she was already late for. Momo was washing the dishes, trying to convince Sana she was fine. Sana called for her across the living room.
“Babe,” Sana yelled, she sounded distracted, probably searching for her keys again. “I need to go, my boss is gonna kill me. I’m so late.”
“Wait!” Momo dropped the dishes, not caring if they shattered in the sink, with soap in her hands she rushed to the door and hugged her.
Momo never knew what regret felt like until she held Sana again in her arms.
Keep it together, Momo. You’ll save her.
Momo fought back the tears that didn't seem to run out and focused on whispering sweet nothings on Sana’s ears. Mumbling how much she means to her, how she’d do anything for her.
“Baby,” Sana was left confused by the sudden pour of emotions by her wife, “What happened? Did you break the air-fryer again?”
Momo buried her face to her neck. Inhaling her scent wishing to memorize every little detail of Sana. The little things she overlooked and realized she very much missed when she was gone.
“I just really wanted to say I love you.”
Sana pulled away and looked at her face, nothing but love and affection.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
But you did
Momo wanted to reply, her tears didn’t stop streaming down her face. Momo just held her hand tighter. Too afraid to let her go just yet.
Momo was one moment too late to give her a kiss goodbye, so she kisses her now. She was one moment too late to tell her she loves her, so she tells her now. She was a moment too late to stop her from going, yet she lets her now.
“My baby is so cute being so emotional,” Sana cooed, rubbing her thumb on her hand to calm Momo down.
“If I didn’t know better I’d say I got you pregnant last night,” Sana jokes, only Sana could make the silliest jokes and still make Momo smile.
After a few more kisses and a tight hug, Momo finally lets her go. Sana kissed the crown of her head and murmured she’d pick her up for her surprise tonight.
She wanted to ask her to stay. To just spend the entire day inside. Away from her fate, away from death, close to her. Momo knew it didn't work that way.
“See you tonight, baby. I think the moon is beautiful tonight.” Sana hugged her one last time. With that, Momo saw Sana walk away. Again.
~~~
2:43 pm
Momo had a plan. Stay near Sana unseen, waiting for the clock to hit 5 o’clock, and then save her. It was simple, she had plenty of time to prepare herself. She tried everything to distract herself from worrying. She did everything to soothe her uneasiness. She kept fidgeting in their apartment, forcing herself to sit back and don’t do anything irrational and cause her chance to save Sana.
Momo can’t stop herself. She soon found herself in Sana’s building. Momo knew in detail Sana’s work schedule for the entire week. She has meetings from noon to early afternoon, by 4 o’clock she has a 45-minute break and afterward, she has stacks of paper to file and process.
Momo smiled as she realized. They were happy. Maybe Sana arrives home tired and worn-out, but Momo never fails to see Sana’s smile when Momo welcomes her home each day. It was always the smallest things that mattered the most. Something she discovered a little too late.
Her plan was easy, it was really simple, it could work, but it soon crumbled when arrived at Sana's office.
"Sana? Didn't she tell you? She took a day off today."
A dozen of things swirl around her head. Panic, dread, distress. Flashbacks of Sana’s face. Colorless and quiet. It rendered Momo immobile, her feet cemented on the ground, chest-beating erratically, she can hear her aggressive heart pounding beneath her chest, and she has no control.
Momo didn’t know what to do. Her vision was getting blurry, her head was spinning, her hands involuntarily trembling, the surroundings were too much. Momo knew she needed to dash to her car. She needed to protect Sana, but it felt like she can’t control her body to take a single step.
She can’t die. I can’t lose her again. I can’t.
Momo could hear an echo, a voice that seemed so far away. It was familiar. It was Jeongyeon.
“Momo? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
The heavy tension in her chest disabled her to reply, and Jeongyeon noticed it after. “What happened? Are you okay?”
Momo didn’t know how she ended up sitting across Jeongyeon’s office. The sudden rush of worry is slowly subsiding, heart beating at a steady pace. The alarms in her head were still ringing but it’s more controlled. More bearable.
Momo’s frail hands are on Jeongyeon’s shirt, too weak to hold them tight.
"Jeongyeon, what is she planning tonight? Where is she?”
Momo is begging. She was chasing time. With the little borrowed time she has left. This is her last chance to save her love.
“Momo you need to calm down, I think you just had a panic attack.”
Momo fell on her knees, trying so hard to gauge her emotions. She needs to be strong to be able to do this right. She can't lose her. She can't lose Sana again. Energy seeping out of her body. Momo gripped on her friend's shirt as much as her weak hands could, and begged. Desperation and grief were greater than her sanity.
“You said if you could change anything today you would," She wanted to spat on her words, make Jeongyeon take her seriously, but her ears only heard a broken person begging.
"She told me she took a day off because she wanted to surprise you with a special dinner," Jeongyeon was kneeling beside Momo, worried and confused, she couldn’t understand the urgency in Momo’s eyes. "She didn't say where, but she told me you'd like it. She said it has been a while you two went there."
“I’m so sorry Momo, the doctors really tried but–”
Momo shoves her away with all of her remaining strength, she falls to her knees covering her ears, and says, “I don’t care how or why she died. Nothing will change the fact that she died. Nothing’s gonna bring her back.”
Jeongyeon lets her be, wrapping her arms around, not letting her go even if Momo tries to push her away. Saying nothing and doing everything Momo needs that day.
Shoving the uneasiness to the deepest parts of her chest, she ran. Momo was out of the doors before Jeongyeon could utter another word.
~~~
3:54 PM
Frankly, Momo didn’t have any idea where Sana would go. She raced outside and went inside her car. Overtaking dozens of cars in hopes of slowing time. When she arrived, her hands were shaking, cold and sweaty. Anticipation and fear bubbled her body as she passed through the doors.
Momo's heart felt like a clock. Every heartbeat served as a reminder that she was losing another second of a chance to protect Sana. She has been searching everywhere. Calling Sana’s phone every minute for the possibility that Sana would pick up.
She went inside. It was the restaurant they went to on their first date. Momo asked her to go out with the pinkest cheeks and the smallest voice. All bashful and fidgety. Knowing Sana, she expected a teasing smile, a mocking remark about how tiny she looked. Instead, Momo glanced and watched Sana panic to gather a response. She saw the pink rose to her cheeks and eyes roam everywhere but hers.
The colors of the memory burned too bright on Momo’s eyes, blurring her vision for a short while. Shaking her head she wiped the tears away and focused. Momo checked each table. Asked the reception for any reservations under their name.
There was none.
Momo bustled through the group of people, even hitting someone on the way out, but Momo didn’t care. Time is ticking and it waits for no one. Sometimes without warning, sometimes without notice, and often all too sudden.
~~~
A sly smirk on her lips, nothing but teasing.
"You can have it," Momo held both hands in resignation. It was way past midnight. Her body was covered with fatigue. After the gruesome night of studying for the finals, Momo knew that yogurt isn't worth the silly fight. She should just go back to her dorm and get her well-deserved sleep.
The girl's eyes soften, the playfulness of her eyes dimmed. Giving her a small smile.
"Wanna share it instead?"
Momo should've declined, should've shaken her head, should've given a polite excuse. She should've walked away. Anything would be the right choice, but something inside her yelled the opposite. She nodded.
"Great," Only now did Momo realize she had the same dark circles under her eyes like hers only prettier. Judging by it, the girl was not older than she is, she may even be younger. "I got the feeling the moon is beautiful tonight."
She followed her to her car and sat. Quiet but right. It was like she was where she was meant to be. Momo was meant to be here, with her.
The sliver of beauty at her side, sitting at the hood of her car, gazing at the vast darkness, eyes twinkling prettier than any stars.
Momo knew she was enamored by this woman. It was only moments ago she has seen that smile yet she misses it terribly.
“The moon is beautiful tonight,” The woman's eyes trained above, whispering it as if it's a secret only they could know.
“It has always been beautiful." Momo's unfiltered thoughts poured from her lips.
Go watch the moon, I will watch you.
~~~
Momo finally knew where Sana was. Momo felt a rush of relief coursed through her body as she saw Sana perfectly fine carrying the same blanket they used on their very first meeting, a basket on the other hand, she walked across the street from her car. Momo lets go of the breath she didn't notice she was holding. She still has time, she hasn’t failed yet. Momo looked at her wristwatch.
6:54 PM
Before Momo could register anything, she saw a car speeding through, passing through a red light. Time seemed to slow like this was what she was meant to do. Without a beat, Momo drove straight ahead. Blocking the driveway, shielding Sana, saving her love.
Broken shards of glass sprayed in every direction, everything was loud and silent, the heavy buzz on Momo’s head made it harder to keep her eyes open.
Momo expected something painful. Something to hit her with a sharp sting and make her cry in pain and wince at movement, but all she could feel is that her chest feels lighter. She saved Sana. Sana didn’t die. That’s all that ever mattered.
Numerous sensations in her body pierced through her nerves, but all she could think of was Sana. It should scare, death should scare her more, but Momo realized some things are worse than her own death.
She heard a loud cry that caused her to look up. Everything was horizontal, she can’t comprehend most of it, but thankfully she could still register Sana’s face. Prettier than the moon, shining brighter than any star.
Momo gave her the biggest smile she could manage, eyelids drooping heavier at each blink, Momo rebelling against everything of her body's nature, she fought back the sleepiness. If this was the last time she would see her face, she couldn't waste a single second of it.
Wishing to feel her warmth once more, Momo ignored the pain and the blanket of exhaustion just to reach for Sana's hand. She tried to hide the wince at the contact.
I can't feel your warmth.
And that breaks Momo, eyes filled with tears while she helplessly stares at how broken Sana looked. Begging for her to stay with her. Momo wanted to wipe the tears and whisper assurance, but it felt like air was running out of her lungs.
"Don't you dare leave me. Not now."
I won't.
It was an empty promise so she tightened her grip, hoping to feel something from her numbing arm, making the gods bear to witness that only death could only make Momo leave Sana. And even when covered with blood and glass, even if the gods and fate are against her, Momo was still pouring every ounce of strength to stay awake.
“You’re right, the moon is beautiful tonight,” She wanted to say more yet everything went dark.
~~~
Something heavy hovered her hand when she woke up, the harsh lights made her squint. The slight movement of her hand caused Sana to rise from her side.
“I thought I lost you,” It was barely a whisper.
“You never will,”
“Momo you didn’t see yourself covered in blood–” Sana was starting to break again, eyes covered with dark circles underneath, eyes still puffy and red, pretty as ever.
Momo’s heart constricts. She shushed her and held her hand, “What’s important is this moment, right now, with you,” Momo uttered, every movement aches as she battled her body to sit up, hugging her.
It took nine hours. Nine years. She sacrificed nine years of her life to save Sana. Frankly, she would do it even to hold her for even just another minute. Now she could still wake up every morning looking at her beautiful smile, hearing those cute giggles and mutter. "I love you for as long as I can."
She doesn’t know how much time she has. Or how much time they both had, but she will never take another second for granted. Never.
Time is precious.