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Harley had woken up in many unpleasant ways over the years. Loud neighbors, terrible hangovers, police knocking at her door… still, in this present moment, getting the air knocked out of her by way of landing flat on her back from a height of several feet ranked number one on this list. Her eyes shot open with the impact and, wheezing, she tried to take stock of her surroundings through bleary eyes. It was dark here, but her night-vision was good enough to tell her that this was definitely not her bedroom.
“What the hell…?” She rubbed her eyes absentmindedly and winced as hard fingernails scratched lightly at the skin beside her eyes. “Ngh. Hurts bein’ beautiful,” she muttered. “Hey, seriously, where the hell am I?”
As her sight adjusted to the darkness, she saw… stone walls, printed all over with glyphs she didn’t have a chance of being able to read. Her mouth set into a hard frown. Her drowsy brain struggled to process this strange turn of events; surely it was just some kind of dream, right? But every one of her nerves screamed at her that something was horribly wrong; that unsettling feeling felt all too real, no kind of nightmare she’d ever had before. She did her best to resist this sudden onset of dread that welled in her chest as she rose to her feet.
These walls were… tall. Four or five times taller than she was, maybe. And the symbols… some kind of hieroglyphics? She recognized some silhouettes in the glyphs that vaguely resembled some Pokémon she knew, but they didn’t have any meaning to her beyond that. She didn’t remember suddenly becoming an archaeologist overnight. What the hell was she doing in some kind of ancient… tomb, maybe? What was this place, anyway? She was just in some kind of corridor, so the purpose of the building wasn’t really clear.
“I… am totally dreaming,” she murmured. “So when can I wake up already? This place sucks.” She sat down again and crossed her arms. It was a dream, right? How else could she have wound up in a place like this instead of her comfortingly trashy little apartment? No, this was a long way from Celadon. They didn’t have anything like this in all of Kanto, even, not as far as she knew. The only reasonable explanation was that she was dreaming, of course. But… she felt cold stone vividly beneath her, felt the chill of the dark stone passage, and heard the distant howling wind. It felt so real.
The thought was thoroughly dislodged from her head as shrill, distant laughter echoed down the stony halls, turning her blood to ice.
“Ha… hahaha! No way! No way, no way, it worked! Yes! Finally! Hey, you!”
Ah… they already knew where she was. Harley threw her hands up in surrender. Not much to do now but hope they came in peace, whoever they were.
“Alright,” she began cautiously, “yeah, okay, you got me, I’m right here. Now who are you?”
Out of the shadows floated a small, vaguely-humanoid figure. A Pokémon, which was obvious by looking at it, but not by the way it had just spoken to her. On top of which, it was a Pokémon she didn’t actually recognize. A gray-and-pink torso sprouted from a wide, golden ring, under which was just a little wispy ghost-tail. Two arms floated near to the torso, hands clenched in excitement. Lastly, the head of the creature was big, with a gold ring set around the base of a horn on either side. Their face was split by an extraordinarily wide grin as they eyed Harley up and down.
“Name’s Hoopa!” they said, voice shining as bright as their eyes were. “And you are one very successful experiment! Heheheh… yeah, this is perfect! Can’t say I woulda chosen a Clefairy for you, but human girls must like that sorta thing, right? What do you think?”
Harley pushed her hands more forward than up. “Whoa, whoa, I- hold on, there. This is… a lot. Shit. Okay. First of all.” She pointed at this ‘Hoopa’ figure. “You’re a Pokémon. Right?”
“Sure am! And-”
“And you can talk?” She studied Hoopa intently. Their mouth was moving. Sound was coming out. And she understood that sound just like it was anyone else speaking - any other human, that was.
“Oh, I can talk alright, and so much more besides!” Hoopa said, chuckling. Their grin didn’t shrink an inch as they pulled the ring from one of their horns and twirled it around on their mitten-like hand. “Like pulling a human through the boundary between worlds, for instance! You know, simple parlor tricks. No big deal.”
Harley stared, mouth agape. “Between wo- you’re- I… I’m goin’ insane,'' she stammered. “What the fuck is going on here?!”
“I’m trying to explain, potty-mouth,” Hoopa scoffed. “If you’d just shut up and listen I’ll tell you.” Harley scowled, but kept her mouth shut. “Good! Oh, and you’re perfectly sane, by the way. As far as I know. So anyway, it’s like this. I’m trapped in this dump. You’re not! And the only thing that will help me escape isn’t here. So, I’m sending you out to get that particular thing for me. Then we can both go home and forget any of this ever happened. Simple, right?”
“No… no, no no no.” She shook her head so hard she felt dizzy. “If I am dreaming, I’d better wake up real damn soon, ‘cause I am in a whole heap of shit otherwise. I got shit going on! I got debts to pay, people to take care of, a reputation to maintain! I can’t just drop everything and disappear to spend God-knows-how-long chasing after some undefined ‘thing’ for some annoying little bastard I just met. Nuh-uh, no way.”
Hoopa tried and failed to suppress a laugh. “Heh-hey, take it easy. I’m just, ah, borrowing you for a while. You can go back once you’re done. I just figured I needed a human’s, uh… radiant charm, and impeccable wit, I guess. No, see, thing is, I can’t affect the outside world with my portals. On account of being stuck in this place, and all. So I needed someone different from your average Pokémon, from somewhere different, and they don’t exactly grow on trees here. Uh, humans, that is. Yeah, that means you. So I reached in, like if you were pulling a berry out of a sack without looking, and plucked out the first human I could find. And, well, I guess on the way over, the powers that be figured humans ought to stay rare, and so…”
Movement snapped Harley away from her wandering thoughts as Hoopa removed one of their rings and stretched it out, contorting the golden ring like it was made of elastic instead. A dark shadow formed in its center and slowly faded into the image of a familiar glyphed wall and, standing in front of it, a… short, pink figure… big ears, clawed hands, cutesy face currently marred by total bewilderment and the dark bags under the eyes…
A Clefairy...?
Something short-circuited in Harley’s brain. She waved an arm, and the Clefairy waved back. Stepped forward, and the Clefairy stepped in turn. Made an ugly face, and saw it reciprocated.
“Oh, what the fuck,” she said weakly.
“I don’t really get it either,” Hoopa continued with a shake of their head. “I mean, I’m not exactly sure what I thought would happen when I brought you through, but that sure wasn’t it.” They snickered. “Don’t blame me, ‘cause I didn’t pick the form. Suits you though, right?”
“You… You- What did you do to me?!” she squeaked. “What do you mean you don’t get it?! Is this some kind of joke? Where’s my body, my real body? What the shit is this, man?!”
“Beats me.” Hoopa made a gesture that she slowly realized was supposed to be a shrug; it looked a little strange from a figure without any shoulders. “But you know what they say, you get whatcha get and you don’t get upset! Right?”
“‘Beats me,’ you say... yeah. Yeah, I’m upset, alright!” Harley yelled. “Do you realize how totally off the fuckin’ wall this is?! Look, if you brought me here, then you can send me back,” she demanded again. “Seriously. Right now. Chop chop, you little fairy bastard.”
Hoopa snorted. “I just got done telling you I can’t. Not right now. And I’m not a fairy, by the way.”
“Then when? Tell me how I can get back. That’s all I care about right now, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Sheesh, you’re impatient! I’m getting to that! Okay, ready? The item you’re gonna get for me is called… the Djinn’s Bottle,” Hoopa said, with an air of showmanship like she was supposed to know what that meant. She didn’t. Seeing her look unimpressed, they continued, “Or, well, half of it. We’re in the other half right now. See, the headpiece of that bottle contains, like, the other ninety percent of me, basically. All my real power is corked up in that stupid thing, the wish-granting part included. The deal with that is… a bit of a longer story, but the important thing is, I’m here and it’s not. No headpiece, no wishes, see? But if I could just reunite those pieces… ohh, I’d bust out of here easy, and send you back too, to boot. Human form and all.”
“Wishes, huh… so the head of the bottle’s my ticket outta here, that’s what you’re saying? Bring that back and you wish away your own fuck-up and wish me outta this dump?”
“Yeah, yeah, exactly! Say, you’re sharper than you look, girl, you’re getting it.””
“Ugh, don’t call me girl. And what if I say no?”
“If you say no? You’re a Clefairy now, idiot. How do you suppose you can make it back to your body, your world, without my help? Even if I were to put you back, you’d be going back home looking like that.”
“I…” Ugh. They weren’t wrong, loath as she was to admit it. “Fine, you conniving little bastard. I’ll get the bottle somehow if that’s all that’s standing between me and my normal damn life. If I even have a life to get back to once this is all over. Is that all?”
“That’s about the short of it, yeah. Sweet gig, right?” One of Hoopa’s hands floated over to her, palm open for a shake. Harley stared, unmoving, at the commitment hovering in front of her.
“What, still not sold? Hey, maybe if you play real nice, I can throw in some bonus favors,” they said. “Take it from me, the kind of favors I can offer are to die for. Money, power, fame? It’s yours, my friend, for just that one little task. Say maybe you turn out to like it here better than home. Who knows? In that case-”
“As if!” Harley interrupted. “I already told you, I got shit to get back to. I have a life back there, unlike your shut-in ass. And besides, wherever here is, and that’s a question you still haven’t answered, I’ll bet it ain’t got TV or cigarettes or memory-foam mattresses, anyway. I mean, look at this dump you’re in!” She gestured wildly around to the dour dungeon that surrounded them.
“Ah, fine, fine!” Hoopa said, waving the other hand dismissively. “Suit yourself, little lady. But then, if getting home is all you care about...” The hand nearer to Harley wiggled enticingly, still waiting on her to seal this deal.
She grumbled idly in thought. Making an agreement with this shady little genie probably wasn’t the wisest decision, given they put her into this mess to begin with, but it wasn’t as if she had any better ideas regarding how to return to being a human again. The number one priority was getting back home, and right now this was her only lead. Above all else, her odds with this bastard were much better than just wandering around on her own and hoping a solution would present itself. She heaved a heavy sigh.
“...Alright. Alright, fine, I’ll do it. I’ll get your damn bottle back. Not like I have much choice.”
“That’s what I like to hear!” Hoopa pumped one floaty fist in the air. “Now, I’m not like that blasted Jirachi, you know. I don’t just grant wishes all willy-nilly, see, I make deals. If you want a wish from me, you’ll do my bidding first. Those are my terms.” The extended hand offered itself one more time, palm still open amicably. “So, whattaya say, Harley? Shake on it?”
Wait, she’d never told them her name. How did they…?
She hesitated. This was such a stupid idea. They’d said they were some kind of wish-granter too… some kind of djinn, or genie, or whatever. She sighed and offered her own hand in return, to be shaken vigorously by the overenthusiastic Pokémon before her.
“Excellent. Excellent!” Hoopa’s grin returned, wider than ever. “In that case, the contract is sealed. I look forward to working with you, my friend. You made a good choice just now.”
“Uh… yeah,” she mumbled. “Whatever. So, uh… how do I get outta this clammy old hellhole?”
“Ah, I’ll show ya. I know the place like the back of my hand, naturally.” Hoopa gestured for her to follow as they started down the hall. “C’mon, now, walk and talk, talk and walk.”
Harley stumbled slightly as she followed Hoopa away. This stumpy new body would take some getting used to, but a smooth stone floor wasn’t a bad place to learn. Hoopa gave her some time to catch up, floating patiently ahead until she hit a steady enough stride.
In spite of their apparently-talkative nature, Hoopa hadn’t said a word to her in the past ten minutes. It had just been absentminded humming and muttered directions the whole way through since their initial encounter. They hadn’t even entered any rooms that whole time - it was just a labyrinth of corridors the whole way around, and they all looked the exact damn same. She couldn’t believe she’d be the one starting conversation with the floating freak, but the near-silence was starting to get to her as they made their way through the maze-like halls of this place.
“Hey, uh, Hoopa.” The genie immediately perked to attention.
“Hmm, yes?”
“I was just thinking… Why me? Like, literally, on top of the rhetorical ‘why me?’ Compared to any other human you coulda found, I’m the one you picked?”
“Well, ah, ‘picked’ is a strong word. But, maybe it wasn’t totally random… I could at least peek through the portal before I pulled anyone through, you know, and it took a couple tries to find someone who might be willing to help me out. A roll of the dice, basically, just reaching in and seeing who came up. Kids, goody-two-shoes types, useless old dinosaurs, no one like that would do. But you, though, lounging around a cheap, run-down room filled with shiny junk that totally didn’t belong to you? You looked like just enough of a low-life that you might play along and be good at it to boot. Or maybe I’m just a good judge of character, huh?”
“Ouch.” Once again, they had a knack for being frustratingly correct. “Well gee, I’m honored.”
“You should be! It’s not every day a Pokémon gets a chance at one of my wishes. Or a human, for that matter!” Snickering to themself, they stopped short halfway through rounding the next corner. “Oh, hey, here we are.”
They’d finally come to the first and last landmark in the course of their walk. The corridor opened up to accommodate a huge, stone-slab gate edged with simple geometric designs of purple and gold. Well, she figured it was a gate, but she couldn’t see anywhere for it to actually move.
“Right. So this is the way out?”
“For you it is,” Hoopa sighed wistfully. “If I get too close…” They floated towards the door and were stopped halfway down the path by the appearance of a shimmering barrier that seemed to flash into existence just to stop them. “Ow! Yeah, that. All you gotta do is touch that slab there and you should be shot out into the real world. Then you can finally get to work getting the both of us back where we belong.”
“Yeah. Real simple…” Harley took a trepidatious step forward past the point where Hoopa had gotten shocked away, but nothing appeared to stop her. A few more steps confirmed that she was almost in the clear here.
“Oh, uh- don’t think you’re free of me just ‘cause you’re leaving me behind, by the way” Hoopa said quickly. “We’re in the bottom half of my Djinn’s Bottle now. Keep that on you and I should be able to project my voice out of it so we can keep in touch. You’ll have to keep this half of me safe so I can scratch your back in return, see?”
“Lovely,” she groaned. “I hate this, and I hate you. That said, I ain’t got much choice but to carry on like you said.” She stared up at the towering stone slab. The air felt somewhat warmer here than in the rest of the tomb, as if a pleasant breeze was blowing from parts unknown. Not too far off from the truth, she supposed. “Well… here goes.”
As Harley reached a claw out to touch the decorated stone, a pinprick of light shone back at her, enveloping her body completely in a few seconds flat. She squinted against the light, but by that point she was totally awash in the glow, and the halls of Hoopa’s dark prison vanished from her sight along with everything else. Her stomach lurched as she felt herself pulled along some impossible path at high speeds, the sound of rushing blood and howling wind filling her sensitive ears.
She felt an impact, landing face first on some kind of warmer, coarser stone. She heard distant chatter come to a sudden stop at the noise. Then, for the second time that day, she rose to her feet in an unfamiliar place, and took her first step on the long road home.