Chapter Text
May 3rd, 2025
Felix has a lot of things on his plate. It's two days away from the big day.
Flower arrangements. Catering.
Peonies. It has to be peonies. Fresh-cut and bright. Whites, pinks and red.
The guest list is long done and invites are already out. White on request. With a box of dry fruits. An old-fashioned way, but preferred by the wedding invitees.
They have decided to cut on the cake part. Only one layer. Basic vanilla.
He should have called for help. But it felt more personal to handle everything on his own.
Felix had wanted to be busy. Away from stray thoughts. Nostalgia.
He only has to endure two days.
"Yeah, so...yep, yep. That's correct. Send the pink ones, please. Could you spell the address again? Yeah...hmmm...yes, this is right. When can I expect them?......5 PM. Tomorrow. Alright. Thanks, miss Huem. Send me the confirmation later. Alright. Bye."
The to-do list has a lot of check marks now. Halfway through completion. Still a lot for a simple wedding.
Felix is sweating now. It's April but his tolerance to heat isn't the same anymore. Years of living in Australia and his body has adapted a different tune altogether.
It's not just his body that has changed.
Everything.
He is no longer the Singi-dong boy. Someone who used to bike around the town carelessly. Summers of mountain trekking. Winters of lantern festival.
He now has freckles. A tan. Very unusual for regular Korean boys.
Felix stands out a lot. Something he would have loved when young. Eyes on him. Gossips. Praise. A 15 year old Yongbok would have bathed in the attention. To be the focal point in the school. At home.
But it was before everything changed.
He changed places, his name, his identity.
He is no longer a naïve Yongbok. Felix is not just an alias. It's a new personality that he uses to hide his fragile self. To gel well in the sea of similar names, similar identities.
Appearances don't matter to him now.
This neighborhood is his part. Sydney is his present.
Just two days of obligation and he can fly back.
It will hurt. But what doesn't. His decision to attend this wedding hurt more. Perhaps he should have rejected the call. Told them no. That he can not come back.
This blue neighborhood carries a piece of his broken dreams.
Broken heart.
His entire childhood.
And Lee Minho.
-----------
September 12th, 2008
Birthdays are special. You cut cake. You meet friends.
It makes you happy.
Yongbok is puzzled why his classmate isn't too happy.
Teacher Song is already having them encircle their friend. A cute Doraemon cake in front of them. His birthday had a yellow Tweety one. His favorite color!
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to dear Minho
Happy Birthday to you
"Come on, kids! Give your gifts to your friend?"
Yongbok has prepared a pretty card. Pink origami flowers. Byunghee helped him make them. She is so amazing at papercraft.
He is learning to make cranes next. Yellow. Green. Orange. Yongbok is going to piece them with threads and hang them on his bedroom wall. Colors on a white background. He wanted pink walls but his father says pink is for the weak. That is not true. His teacher says anyone can like pink. Colors are colors. They are not for the strong or the weak. Although Yongbok is bigger now, he can still like pink.
Yongbok hopes Minho likes pink too. He has worked hard on the card. He is 8 now and can handle paper scissors just fine. It's clean and beautiful. Tiny stars and a 'Happy Birthday' written in Yongbok's best handwriting. He used rulers to make sure the pencil mark did not go skew.
Minho is wearing his regular uniform.
Why, though?
Teachers allow them to dress up on their birthdays. On his birthday this March, Yongbok has had his favorite jersey on. He had asked his father to take it out of the back of his parents' closet.
It's special. He only wears it sometimes. It has a tortoise on the front. Black and green. His favorite.
It's tight now but Yongbok is also growing taller. He is scared it would not fit him next year. But then he can have Ddaengmo wear it. Only on special occasions. Like Ddaengmo's birthday.
He hopes Ddaengmo won't grow as fast as he is growing now. He can't have the jersey going anywhere.
It's his mother's gift before she left for his grandmother's place. Father says she will be back soon.
Yongbok has been waiting for a long time.
She is not coming, he knows that. He is a big boy. He can reach the locks now. He knows father cries late at night, when he thinks Yongbok is sleeping. There are bottles in front of him. On the sofa. Yongbok wants to hug him those days. But he can not. His father is always mad now. Yongbok is scared he will make him more mad.
He thinks Minho is always mad too.
His other friends play in the school park. Minho stays in the class. Scribbling on his notebook. He reads too!
Yongbok wants to be his friend.
"Happy birthday!"
Minho looks up from the desk. There are other gifts placed in front of him. Stars, books, paper boats, flowers, chocolates.
"Thank you."
No smile.
Yongbok wants to say more. But Youngbin wants to give his gift too. So he moves away from Minho.
Maybe he will get his chance later.
**
"The play is about how the Crown Prince helped in getting world peace. Raise your hand if you want to participate."
Class 2 A is bubbling with excitement. Everyone has their hands raised. Including Yongbok.
He loves plays. He has participated in every single play his teachers have asked them to be in. Even for older classes! Yongbok loves to be on the stage, to be with his friends, to dress up and do makeup. It makes him really happy.
"Good, good. There are a lot of roles for all of you! Who wants to be the Crown Prince?"
More noises. Raised hands.
"Alright. Because there are a lot of you, we'll have to see who fits the best. Hmm?"
Sighs. Complaints. Yongbok is excited either way. He wants to see if he can do well to be the Crown Prince. And it's okay if he can't. Father says every role is good. He will get to be on stage and that's amazing on its own.
"Haha, give me your names. I'll pair you up and you will have to recite the poem like a Crown Prince. Easy?"
"Nooooo."
"It's going to be! Try once!"
Yongbok gives his name to Teacher Kim. She is nice and her drama class makes him so happy.
"Okay, I have six names. So two-two of you. Hyunjin, you are with Gunhee here. Siyeom? Yeah, you pair up with Dawon. Minho, you are with Yongbok. Come on, line up quick. Yes, here is the poem. Recite in the strongest way you can. Like you are giving advice to someone. Like a Prince. Yeah? Take 30 minutes. I'll be around if you need me."
"Yes, teacher!"
Yongbok has his chance now. To speak with Minho directly. To be his friend.
Minho is quiet as usual. Going through the paper in his hand.
"Hello Minho."
"Hello."
"Can I be your friend?"
"I will get this role. I can not lose."
Yongbok is confused. Why is Minho talking about that?
And why is Minho looking at him like that?
"Uh, okay. Sorry."
The Little Prince so recently I have met,
He tells of travel, folly and regret.
With question and wonder he is sure to ask,
What draws us to each and every task.
Of what import is what we think and do,
If it does not hold what is good and true.
With love he does tame and so he does see,
One blossom of beauty among all that be.
Wherever he travels he questions anew,
Why do we do whatever we do.
He holds a blossom, a sunset, a star,
Venturing to lands near and far.
And what he tells us in his favored way,
Each sunset brings to this very day.
And so The Little Prince sets out to depart,
To his homeland from where he did start.
The Little Prince within us shall remain,
A blossom, a star, now to tame.
**
"I hate you."
"No, no. I am sorry. I don't want to be the Prince. You can be the Prince!"
"Teacher Kim has already decided you to be one."
"I will tell her I don't want to be. I will be the tree."
"No need. I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone."
"No, Minho. I'm sorry."
"I said leave me alone."
Yongbok wants to cry. Minho is angry with him. He should have said no before. Now Minho won't be friends with him ever.
He doesn't want to be the Prince anymore.
**
"Yongbokie? Why are you crying?"
"Am I bad? I made a friend cry. Am I bad, Noona? Will he leave me too?"
"Shhhh….no. Nobody will leave you. What happened?"
"He wanted to be the Prince for the play. Teacher Kim selected me. He is mad at me."
"See? It's not your fault. You said Teacher Kim selected you. How is it your fault then?"
"But Noona, he is always sad. What can I do to make him happy?"
"Give him time. He is going to be okay. Come, let's get ice cream."
**
"....and this is how the Crown Prince helps the world come together and work in harmony."
Yongbok is smiling. There are lights on him. He looks pretty in his red hanbok. Like a prince.
His sword is out. People are clapping for him.
It's his best day ever.
His father is in the audience. Waving his hands. Byunghee is there. Minho is there too.
He is smiling.
Truly the best day ever.
Teacher Kim helps him remove the make up. Tiny little dots on his face. Lipstick.
They are in the enclosure behind the stage. Everyone hugged him for his performance. He did great.
"Teacher Kim, can I speak to Yongbok? Please."
Minho wants to speak to him? He is not sad today. He is smiling.
"Ah, yes, yes. Of course."
Minho grabs his hands lightly. Warm. And then they leave for the outside.
It's quiet here. Near the school temple. Very quiet.
"Hey."
Minho whispers to him. His voice is clear in the quietness.
"Hello."
"You were beautiful. I think you are a better Prince than me."
"Really? You really think so?"
Yongbok's best day indeed.
"Yes. You are a really good friend."
"You don't want to be my friend."
"I want to. Now. Yongbok, will you be my friend?"
"YES!"
Minho kisses him on the cheeks. Light. His lips are red from the makeup now.
But that doesn't matter.
Yongbok has a new friend now.
They laugh as they walk back to the enclosure. Hand in hand.
Wind. Pearls. Red.
-------
January 13th, 2014
Yongbok hears it before he sees it.
He is dressing up in his room. Shirt half-buttoned. Trousers unbuckled. Wet hair dripping on his white shirt.
He is running late to school. Only 20 minutes to morning prayer. He should have not played games all night long. But his dad was out and it was his only chance to stay up all night.
A pickup truck with furniture. Two motorbikes.
Someone is moving to the empty house in front of his window.
It's so chilly outside. No wonder the movers are all packed in parkas and boots.
Yongbok needs to hurry. He has no one to give him a ride today. Hyunjin can ask his driver to pick him up. But he would rather use his bike than ask anyone for help.
The new neighbors can wait.
**
"Social studies are such a scam, man. I don't want to know what happened in the 2nd century please."
"This idiot says this and has the highest grade in the class. Where do you get your marks from, Changbin? Your ass?"
"Naah, your ass. Jinnie."
Yongbok has idiots as friends. He has known Hyunjin since elementary school. Changbin is a new addition to their screwed group.
"Shut up. Both of you. Have some decency. Why are you this shameless?"
"What did we even do? Don't be such a prude, Bokkie. I have seen you making heart eyes at Han Jisung from 8 B."
"What are you even talking about?"
"See Bin, I told you he will lie. And he calls us shameless."
Yongbok has nowhere to go. He can't lie because he is shit at lying. And Han Jisung is actually very pretty.
They share P.E. He is an energetic guy who is good at sports. And studies. And everything else.
But the thing is, Yongbok can't really approach him. Not when Jisung is always surrounded by people.
"Okay, I find him attractive. Happy? Go back to your books now. We have a quiz in 30 minutes."
First crush.
Hyunjin says it's weird to have a crush this late. And that he had a crush on Yongbok when he was 10.
But Yongbok is a late bloomer in every way.
He is still a hand shorter than Hyunjin and Changbin. And Jisung.
He is 14 and kinda likes a fellow batchmate. Like he wants to hold his hands, go on soft picnic dates, have sleepovers and everything they show in the movies.
That dizzy feeling when they cross paths.
Every smile shoots butterflies straight to his stomach.
It's a beautiful feeling.
**
A pack of strawberry milk. Some gummies. Chips. Soda.
Yongbok is filling his stock for the weekend. His father will be out again. He wants to have a good time. Hyunjin and Chamgbin have agreed to come and accompany him for the two nights. This means unlimited soda and movies.
The cashier is quick and familiar. In a small town like theirs, everyone knows everyone.
No secrets.
More gossip.
He likes walking in his neighbourhood. Not a lot has changed over the years. People come, people leave. There are some new additions in his street. Old houses demolished. New, improved ones taking its place.
The house in front of his own is the same.
Same brick exteriors. Slope as a roof. A fence outside.
Just cleaner. Weeds removed. Fence fixed.
Right. They have a new neighbor.
There is an old Skoda parked outside. And two bikes.
Someone is sitting on the porch. Head down. Someone his age. Joggers and a dark sweater. Sports shoes.
Yongbok is curious but he is not sure if it's right to just go and meet the boy. He might be crossing some lines.
So he jogs to his own house. Maybe they will get proper introductions once his father is back.
He has more pressing matters in his hand anyway.
Like arranging his fridge. And hiding his favorite cookies from the monsters.
**
"Wait...so you have never kissed anyone?"
They are sitting on Yongbok's bed. Squeezed side by side to accommodate all three of them.
There's a romantic movie playing in the background.
"Of course, no. I have told you this before."
"I thought you were joking…"
There's disbelief written all across Changbin's face. Is it that surprising?
"Why so dramatic, Bin? What if he hasn't had his?"
"Nothing. Nothing. I was just saying."
"Don't use your brain. Your ankles will hurt."
Changbin hits Hyunjin on his knees.
"Lame. Yongbok, wanna see a live kiss?"
"What?"
"Like that in the movies? You wanna see how they do in real life?"
"How…?"
"Hyunjin, let's show him?"
"Wow, you have completely lost it."
"It will be fun! Come on."
"Only if Bokkie agrees."
"Okay…….."
Yongbok moves to the carpet to give his friends some space.
He knows Hyunjin and Changbin have been fooling around for some time. They are not exactly subtle about it.
But they don't have labels for their relationship yet. Just friends who like kissing and sometimes more.
It feels oddly exciting to witness two people kissing in front of you. Hyunjin is holding Changbin by his shoulders while the latter has his arms wrapped around him.
They do pecks. Cheek kisses. They are in their own world. Too intimate. And Yongbok knows he should leave them be.
More for himself than them.
So he climbs down the stairs to his living room. He can just say he was bringing up more soda. Not a lie. Not the truth either.
It's colder downstairs. Good that he is wearing his fleece pajamas.
The light on the porch is still on. Hyunjin's car is parked outside. He has no license but he lives only a few blocks away. They might tease him but Hyunjin is a pretty good driver.
It's not his porch that is bright.
The neighbors have their lights on too.
The Skoda is still parked. And the same boy is sitting on the porch.
This time he is wearing a hoodie and earphones. Head up.
He looks too familiar. But maybe Yongbok is imagining things.
Hyunjin and Changbin have not inquired about him yet. He can buy some more time.
Yongbok acts on pure impulse.
He is underdressed for the cold January night. But the curiosity has his heart pumping wild.
The distance is a short one even with his sloppy slippers.
The boy is not looking at him. Immersed in his music.
But Yongbok can see him clearly now.
An unforgettable face.
"Minho!"
No response.
Yongbok is truly going crazy. Is he hallucinating?
What is Minho doing here? He moved away years ago. To Seoul.
"Lee Minho!"
No response.
Yongbok is so happy. So so happy.
This is his friend. His Minho.
Tearful goodbyes. See you soon. Grade 5.
Minho finally notices him. Eyes reflecting recognition.
It's nice to know he isn't the only one.
Minho takes off his earphones and places it on the side. They are face to face now. Doing nothing, just smiling at each other.
Disbelief. Surprise. Happiness.
"Wow.."
"I know!"
"I can't believe it. You live here?"
"Yep, that house. Just across from yours. Wow, I'm…."
"Haha. Come. Sit?"
"Shouldn't you be inside? It's so cold."
"I like it here. Come, I have a blanket with me."
Yongbok is too giddy as he moves to sit next to Minho. Warm. His friend unpacks a huge blanket from his side. Big enough to cover the both of them.
"Is it better now?"
"Hmm…"
They sit in silence for a while. A playback of music from Minho's open earphones.
"Want to listen to some songs?"
"Sure."
I see the crystal raindrops fall
And the beauty of it all
When the sun comes shining through
To make those rainbows in my mind.
When I think of you some time
And I want to spend some time with you
Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us
Just the two of us
Building castles in the sky
Just the two of us
You and I
We look for love, no time for tears
Wasted water's all that is
And it don't make no flowers grow
Good things might come to those who wait
Not to those who wait too late
We got to go for all we know
Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us.
The sweet melody flows through Yongbok's heart. Warmth in this cold winter. He lays his head on Minho's shoulders.
Just the two of them.
And nothing else.
**
"I met Minho the other day. I did not know he was in town?"
Hyunjin is filling up his water bottle. The school canteen is quiet at this time. Early mornings. They are here for the volleyball practice with 8 B.
"Ah yes, he moved back recently. Remember the Park house? Which was empty for years? He is staying there. With family."
"Whoa. That's so cool. Will he be joining our school?"
"I don't know? I mean I never asked if he has actually enrolled in any school?"
Yongbok meets Minho often by his house. Sometimes on the porch. Sometimes by the convenience store. He is always smiling. Minho is taller than him now. Curly hair under his dark hoodies.
They are still friends.
So many exchanges and Yongbok still doesn't know a lot about the boy.
Just that he likes music and books.
Minho is often sitting on the same porch, in the cold. Sometimes with a blanket draped around him. Sometimes just a jacket. He reads there. Does his scribblings there. Listens to music there. His home. His sanctuary.
Why do you sit here?
I like it here. I feel happier here. Especially now that I can see you from here.
Yongbok understands Hyunjin's curiosity. He himself would want to know.
But there's not a lot he wants to do when he is with Minho. For a chatterbox like Yongbok, he sure enjoys the quiet Minho's company brings him.
A blue breeze in his raging heart.
A comfort.
Unadulterated happiness.
Hyunjin is looking at him fiercely now.
"Wait. What's wrong?"
"Jisung...he is coming our way? Just behind you. Don't. Don't turn."
Butterflies. Sparks.
"Uh. Hey guys."
Yongbok turns now to face a sweating Jisung. Straight after a jog maybe.
"Hi Jisung. What's up?"
"Nothing. Nothing. Just checking if you guys need help with the net."
"Naah, naah. We were just taking a water break. It's okay. We'll manage."
"Uh. Okay. Cool. Let me know if you need anything, I'm by the bleachers."
"Sure, thanks."
Jisung gives them a last smile. Huge enough to send Yongbok's heart into a rollercoaster. And then he jogs away.
"Damn boy, you do have a chance. Shoot your shot!"
"Shut the fuck up, Hwang."
Maybe one day Yongbok will. But today is not the day.
**
Winds on the mountains. It's too cold.
But Yongbok is happy biking through the steep hills. It's his favorite thing.
A taste of rebellion.
This time he isn't alone.
Minho is just behind him. A warm coat embracing his body. Earmuffs on.
They are tearing the wind apart. Laughter. An unnamed competition.
It's them against the world.
"Beautiful."
"Yeah? I told you! It's my favorite place on the entire planet. You can see the entire town from here. You can't see it today because of fog, but let's come again in Spring!"
"Haha. Yes, it's really nice here."
"Right! Come, sit here. This rock is flat enough for the both of us."
The mountain is high and calm. A depth. Mystery.
An untold story.
"Why did you move back?"
Minho jerks a bit. Startled at the question.
"Ah. Just. Parents wanted to."
"How is Seoul?"
"Empty. I mean it's brighter than here but I like it here."
"Oh? I wish I go to Seoul one day. I want to try for Seoul National when I can. They say it's really flashy and nice."
"Might be. I don't know."
"You...you are not enrolled here?"
"I am. Seobyun. It's not far. I just….I haven't atarted going yet."
"Oh? I thought you will go to ours."
"Haha, me too. But yours is not co-ed. Parents want co-ed."
"What is the difference? It's all the same."
"Maybe. It's okay. Maybe we can go to the same high school."
"Really? I would love to! Hyunjin misses you too, by the way. He thought you got lost or something."
"Maybe I did."
"Huh?"
"Nothing. I have sandwiches. Want to eat?"
"Sure!"
**
Byunghee hardly gets time to come home now. Seoul is flashy and for her.
You are graduating in a few weeks. What do you want? I'll get gifts. Do you want clothes? Perfume?
Get me Tweety!
Haha, you are older now, Bbokkie. Okay, I will get you the largest plushie I find. Even bigger than you.
Yay!
Moving to high school seems intimidating. A new experience. New friends. Old friends. Tougher studies.
But Yongbok is ready for the challenge.
A hope.
Minho will join him soon. They will bike together to school. A companion. A familiar face.
He is ready to grow together with his friends.
**
Graduation comes with flowers, chocolates and a lot of emotions.
Happiness.
His father is in the town. He has his best clothes on, a suit and a shaved beard. Byunghee is in Daegu too. For two days only. They cheer for him and his friends while they receive their diploma on stage.
Red gown. A hat. A lipstick. The stage is shining on him.
Just like his plays.
But this is more than a play. This is Yongbok's journey into young adulthood. A stage where you witness power, infatuation, a lot of confusion.
A stage of unfiltered hormones. Growth spurt. Changing voices.
Puberty.
His father treats Hyunjin, Changbin and him with grilled meat and soda. The fanciest restaurant in the town. A place where they have to follow dress code and be quiet.
"So, have you guys decided on your majors for University?"
"Yes. I will take up biology. I like science."
"Good choice, Changbin. What about you, Hyunjin?"
"Probably, nursing? I don't know yet, father."
"Ah, it is going to be long. It's okay. You have three years to decide before the entrance exam. I'm sure you all will do good."
"Thank you."
The table is surrounded with banchans and meat. The iron grill taking the most part.
It's quiet.
Opposite to Yongbok's insides that are at war right now.
Raging. Crazy.
He knows why his father is taking some time out for him.
He will be gone for longer now. Months and more.
A new job in the sea. Sailors that come home sparsely. He will be traveling to more than Japan now. To the States. To Europe. To Africa.
"Thank you for taking care of my Yongbokie here. You all have grown so much."
Byunghee is silent next to her. She won't stay either.
Yongbok will be alone for longer now. Local ahjummas checking on him from time to time. His father sending him money parcels. Byunghee sending him gifts.
He should have been used to it by now. Days of working alone. Living alone.
He knows how to cook now. Not that he needs to. Ahjumma comes twice a day to cook and clean.
But he likes the kitchen. A way to cope. Ramen. Eggs. Meat. Tears. Loneliness.
A kid forced to grow up earlier than his peers.
A kid who just wanted to play outside and not look out for his drunk parent.
A kid who is so attached to the neighborhood that he would rather stay here alone than to shift to a flashier Seoul.
A kid who wants to shout and cry and do everything to put his family back together.
But he cannot do anything.
They are all looking for escaping this blue neighborhood.
Maybe Yongbok found a safe sanctuary here.
Hyunjin and Changbin, who are always by his side. Spending nights when he gets nightmares.
Ahjumma, making sure he eats on time and has his laundry done.
Minho, another lonely soul who loves sitting on the porch. Waiting for Yongbok to share his blanket.
First kisses.
You are really beautiful.
Really?
Hmm. Your cheeks are so pink right now. Can I kiss them?
...Yes
A few pecks on his cheeks under the cold night. Another between his brows. Another on his jaws.
One soft one on his lips.
Strawberries.
A thunderstorm in his heart.
Raindrops.
**
"I'm sorry I couldn't come to your graduation."
"No, it's my fault. I had no invites."
"Hey hey. It's okay. We can celebrate it here!"
"Here?"
"Why not? It's your favorite place. Come on, stand up! I have an idea."
The mountains are as quiet as they were before. Just them.
"Lee Yongbok, you did you well!!!!"
He hits Minho on the arms.
"What? I was not lying. You did so well. I am so proud of you."
"Don't…."
"Lee Yongbok is the best!!!"
"Shut up."
"Haha, I have something for you? As a graduation gift."
"Really? I don't have anything…."
"It's okay. I only have the open school diploma. And I don't need anything."
Minho fumbles through his backpack. Yongbok peeking over him.
It's a simple box. Black. No ribbons.
"Sorry, I'm...I'm not good at packages."
Yongbok shakes his head. That doesn't matter. He is intrigued.
"What is it?"
"See for yourself."
Yongbok takes the box from him. It's light.
A CD.
To, Yongbok
Love, Minho
"Happy graduation. I have compiled the songs that remind me of you. Hope you like it."
Minho made him a playlist. A playlist full of songs dedicated to him.
No, songs that remind Minho of him.
He spent hours on this. For him.
Yongbok matters to him a lot.
Is this what liking someone means?
Why are his insides bursting?
Why is he feeling both heavier and lighter right now?
His brain is fuzzy. The cold. The warmth.
Minho is still standing at the same spot. Smiling. Hazy mountains behind him.
Yongbok lets his emotions take control.
He snakes his arms around the younger. His head fits perfectly on Minho's shoulders. Like puzzle pieces.
"Thank you."
"I'm happy."
"Me too."
------
May 27th, 2017
High school is crazier than he had expected.
There are papers, quizzes, exams every other week.
Preparations for college, they say. Byunghee disagrees.
It's better in college, don't worry. At least you will have a choice.
The only good thing that happened in the past two years was that Hyunjin and Changbin finally stopped skirting around each other.
Which was more annoying. Honestly.
Now with labels, they hardly stay away from each other. Yongbok feels like a loner when with them.
It would have been better with Minho.
But Minho did not enroll in his school. Again.
See, I'm just 5 kilometres away. We can obviously spend time like before. Yeah?
Which they did. Yongbok spends as much time as he can spare with Minho. Doing homework together, eating dinner together, trying out recipes together.
Pillowfights, cuddles, kisses.
Bike races.
Mountains.
Beaches.
"Did you pack sunblock?"
"Why didn't you get your own, Jin?"
"I forgot…."
"Here, I only have one tube. Use well."
"Thanks! You are the best! When is Minho coming?"
"He should be on his way. I have texted him."
"Are you two…"
"No, no. We are friends. What even?"
"Ah, good. Jisung was asking about you. Do you want to…."
"I don't know, Hyunjin. I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay...But I am here. You can talk to me anyday, right?"
"Hmm…"
"HEY!"
Changbin saves him for further questions. He has the hammock set up now. Shirt flying in the wind. A distraction.
Yongbok really doesn't want to talk about his things with Minho.
It's his safe space.
And Minho wants it that way too.
First love.
Min, how do you know you like someone?
I don't know. They just feel different?
I feel...I feel different with you. Do I like you?
Maybe.
Do you like me too?
Maybe.
Crossed fingers, pecks under ears, warmth.
Yongbok wants more. He wants to be more.
But Minho is holding back. He has reasons.
It's okay.
They will get their chance.
Minho is late to their picnic. His khakis dirty, a bandage under his left eye.
"What happened?"
"Nothing, I fell from the bike."
"You should not go in the salty water."
"No, no. It's fine. I am fine. Sorry for keeping you all waiting."
Yongbok says nothing. Minho is not looking at him either. He is chatting softly with Hyunjin.
The blanket they are sitting on is full of sand now. Their basket full of food and soda. Tteotbokki, dumplings, sandwiches. Brought from the side stalls.
They eat and then play in water and then eat again.
Perfect Summer weather.
Hyunjin gets up to take a stroll on the hilly ridges. Changbin follows him quietly. They need privacy.
Maybe Yongbok needs it too.
He has a lot of questions.
"Is it….is it your father?"
"It doesn't hurt much. Don't worry."
"I'm sorry."
"No, come on. Get up."
Minho grabs him by the hand. Just like when they were kids.
Now they are 17 and full of feelings.
A love that cannot be spoken aloud.
Running on the sand.
Heart full.
Mind full.
They take off their shirts by the shore.
"Wait..I have something for you."
Yongbok has a surprise for Minho. A piece that he had saved in his pocket.
A pink hibiscus.
"Here you go. You look so beautiful."
Minho blushes. The pink of his cheeks matching the pink flower on his left ear. Hiding his scars.
They walk into the ocean. Hand in hand.
The trees shielding their fresh love.
The water reflecting it in full force.
Minho holds him by his cheeks. Tender. Soft. As if Yongbok is made out of glass.
They slowly submerge in shallow waters. Green and blue. Sky and ocean.
Two souls meeting underwater. Lips on lips.
A love that is under the sheets.
Away from loose eyes.
Gasping for breath.
Lost in love.
**
His house is quiet today. Ahjumma is already gone. Dishes clean. Food done.
But Yongbok hardly has time to focus on that.
His heart is having a marathon on its own. Trying to find a match with Minho's.
Double bed. Single sheet. The two of them.
Passion.
"Are you hurting?"
"No….it's..it's okay."
He is not.
A beautiful expression. Love without boundaries.
"Wait, I'll make something for you. Coffee?"
"Hmm…"
Yongbok longes for so much.
But there's not a lot he can ask for. Minho is giving whatever he is able to.
His attention. His time. His love.
It hurts. But not physically.
A label doesn't mean a lot to him.
But what exactly is he to Minho?
They never talk about it.
Or about their feelings.
It's all in action. Gestures. Caress. Touches. Kisses.
His heart wants to dive deep. But his brain is conflicted.
He knows Minho is suffering too. He has his own conditions. Restrictions. Obligations.
All of which demand Minho to be away from his feelings for Yongbok.
But Minho is violating them on a daily basis. Just to spend a couple more minutes with him.
A love against society.
Against the world.
Father thinks it's a phase. That I'll be okay soon.
Don't cry. I am here.
And he is.
He is going to be there for Minho.
As long as he needs him.
**
"I want to study drama."
"Haha, I know. I have seen you shining so brightly in all your school plays."
"Really dad? Will you let me study?"
"Of course! Go ahead. Do whatever makes you happy."
It's one of those days when Yongbok feels invincible. Flying. Lighter. Happier.
His father is home for the week and Yongbok has his permission to pursue drama.
The dinner table is full of fresh produce and gifts from the Caribbeans.
His father is just as warm as he was before. A bit tanner from the sea.
"I got some for Hyunjin and Changbin too. Share with them."
"Sure!"
"Are you well?"
"Yes, yes! I know how to cook steak perfectly now. A friend helped."
"Hyunjin?"
"No, no. Minho…"
"Oh? Wait. Is he the one who lives in front of our home?"
"Yeah. You don't remember him, dad. He was with me in elementary school too."
"Really? Fantastic. I have never had a chance to interact with our new neighbors too. Do you want to invite them for dinner one day?"
"Just Minho, please. His family…..I'm not sure his family will be free."
"Okay. Whatever you say. Call him in this Saturday. And your other friends too, if you want."
"Alright, dad."
**
Loving someone takes a lot of patience.
Waiting for them.
Waiting for their responses.
Me : are you okay?
Yongbok receives a response several hours later. Just when he is about to sleep.
Minho : Yes, yes. Im okay.
Minho : Come to the window?
Minho : I miss you
He jumps up from the bed, smoothing his stray hair with his palms. Not that it matters. Minho has seen him in all forms.
Minho is sitting on the porch as usual. In a t-shirt and shorts. A blinding smile on.
Then he goes back to his phone.
Minho : Let's bike down the street?
Me : this late?
Minho : It will be fun
Yongbok changes into comfortable shorts and a t-shirt too. It's late Summer. He takes a water bottle, pops some mints and takes his house keys before leaving. They will be back before his father wakes up anyway.
Minho is already peddling away. A safe distance away from him. Yongbok follows him.
They drop their bikes by an empty park. There's no one around. No one is expected to. This town sleeps early.
Minho runs to the swings, taking the first one. Yongbok takes the second.
"Ah, I am too old to be riding a swing."
"Why? It's fun. I miss it."
"Of course you do, Min."
"Your father invited me to dinner?...does he know?"
"No, no. He wanted to meet my friend."
"I'm sorry...it's not...it's not fair."
"It's okay, I don't mind."
"What should I wear?"
"You look beautiful in everything, Minho. Don't worry about it."
"You too. You are beautiful too."
"Min?"
"Hmm?"
"I like you…"
"I know...I'm..I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. You don't have to say."
"Thank you.."
"Mhmm."
**
Saturday comes very late.
Maybe because Yongbok has been anticipating it too much.
Minho meeting his father.
Face to face. For the very first time.
He has everything set up. The table, his room, the living space, the kitchen.
Father has been cooking since late evening. He just knows there are going to be a lot of dishes.
"Should I help with something?"
"Nope, I am good. Just check if your friends are on time."
They are.
Yongbok need not dress well. But he is wearing his best jeans and t-shirt. Long hair curled in waves. His best look.
Hyunjin arrives first. Followed by Changbin and then Minho.
They are all chatty on the table. Talks between the bites. Tales of school. Experiences at the sea.
He wishes Byunghee was here too. His small sphere. His family.
"Thank you for the dinner, uncle. I'm happy we met."
"Me too, son."
They all run to Yongbok's room after dinner for a movie night. Stomach full. Heart content.
There is Split playing on the TV. An action movie. Not his genre.
Instead, he is focused on the light reflecting on Minho's features. He looks sadder than before. Conflicted. Something he has mastered in hiding in front of the others.
Yongbok reaches out to hold his hand. A soft caress. A silent assurance.
Everything will be okay.
**
One should always keep their emotions in check. Themselves in check.
Because when reality strikes, it leaves nothing intact. Neither your emotions, nor yourself.
Yongbok feels like he has fallen into an endless pit.
Darkness.
His worst fears are coming true.
Minho has been unreachable for days now. Not on the phone, nor texts. Noone is sitting on the porch.
Their neighbors have sealed themselves in. Or out. Yongbok honestly cannot tell. It's always dark on that side.
His days at school are just dragging. Empty and quiet.
Alone.
**
Two months of no contact and Yongbok is tired. He wants to run to the house and knock it to hearts content.
Minho's absence is hitting him harder than before.
He is worried. Crazy worried.
He knows Minho's father is capable of hitting and hurting him. He hopes Minho is okay.
Hyunjin notices the void.
"Did you try contacting his school?"
"Should I?"
"I think we should. I will go with you."
Minho's school is just few minutes away. They bike in the area and take shed under a full tree. Still in their uniforms.
Day one. Nothing.
Day two. Nothing.
"Should we still?"
"I don't know, Jin. I'm worried sick. I don't know if they are at home too. I am scared for him."
"Shh... nothing will happen. He is okay."
It's easy to say but harder to believe.
Yongbok spends nights hugging his pillow. Crying to his sleep.
Minho's CD to him playing on loop.
I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
And I wanna come home to you
But home is just a room full of my safest sounds.
'Cause you know that I can't trust myself with my 3:00 a.m. shadow
I'd rather fuel a fantasy then deal with this alone.
I wanna sleep next to you
But that's all I wanna do right now
So come over now
And talk me down.
**
When you love someone, their pain hurts you too.
Minho is hurting. Yongbok knows he is hurting.
Standing on the side of the road. By his own school.
Eyes empty.
Yongbok is still on his bike. No courage to get down and meet him.
Frozen in time.
Minho is still beautiful. Even with his curly hair chopped close to his scalp. Even with reds on his nose, side of the neck.
He is so beautiful.
Yongbok wants to run to him. Save him from the world. Wrap him in his arms so he can sleep well.
It hurts.
So painful that he can barely breathe.
Minho looks up at him again and then he walks away.
Like they are strangers.
Like they don't know each other.
First heartbreak.
**
The Lees? Heard they left the town. Poor fellows. Their only son was kind of a rogue. Good thing he enlisted. They are hoping he will do better as a marine.
**
"Wow, I never knew you got into SNU too?"
"Me too! I'm glad to see you, Jisung!"
**
"Are you sure you want to do masters in Australia? Won't that be unfamiliar?"
"It's okay dad. This scholarship is a big one. I can learn to adjust."
"I will miss you. This town will miss you too."
"Hmm...I'll miss it too."
-----
May 4th, 2025
Fittings are almost done.
He needs to check for his suit too, but others come first.
"Just check the fitting, should be perfect."
"You look gorgeous, Noona. Don't worry."
"Aww, thank you. By the way, I can't see Jisung anywhere?"
"He should be with Kyeongri and Hyunjin. I don't know, I will check."
"Wow, you hardly keep a tab on your own boyfriend."
"Why should I? And we have broken up, what are you on?"
"Sorry, kinda nervous…."
"Haha, don't worry. I know. You are looking perfect! Sihyun hyung will love you!"
"He better! I would kick him in the shin if he doesn't. I am wearing this heavy gown and for what?"
"True, true. Don't worry. I'll kick him for you."
"That's like a good brother! Now go, get your suit done."
"Hmm."
Felix walks back to the men's section. Not a lot of people are around. Just a few groomsmen. He hardly knows them.
Byunghee's wedding came as a surprise to him. He had never thought his sister would get married in their hometown. Turns out she is attached to it too. A different sort of escaping.
I liked it here, you know. When I was younger. It got harder after mom. Everything reminded me of her. So I ran away. I am sorry I wasn't the best sister to you.
Everyone is doing better here. Hyunjin works in the local hospital and takes care of his foster kid, Kyeongri. Changbin is in the states doing research.
Jisung was with him in Australia, same college, doing his masters in scriptwriting. They dated for a close to four years and then parted ways on a good note. Being friends first always helps.
He checks his fitting quickly. He still needs to pick up flowers from the shop.
Fresh peonies.
He has rented a pickup truck for all these odd jobs. It's quicker to be in control.
It helps that the flower shop is only ten minutes away. He quickly parks and hops off the truck. Slacks slighly wet from humidity.
The shop is open and huge. Flower arrangements decorating the sides. Marigold, roses, peonies.
The bell chimes at his entry. Alerting the only staff inside. This man has his back to Felix. Black polo, uniform. A cap.
"Excuse me, hi, I have an order of two dozen pink and white peonies under the name of Lee Felix."
The staff turns around and Felix takes a step back.
You know the feeling when you cannot believe something is true?
It seems like Felix is destined to be hurt in all ways.
Lee Minho.
In flesh.
So beautiful.
"Minho."
"Yongbok."
**
Love comes to everyone. For some it's sooner, for others it's late.
Platonic love. Romantic love.
Yongbok has always been a late bloomer.
"Lee Byunghee, do you take Kim Sihyun as your lawfully wedded husband?"
Minho, do you love me?
"I do."
Always.