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Zhongli was the perfect gentleman, everything you could ever want in a partner. He made sure you were comfortable, accustomed to any place he took you to and seemed to always prioritise you. You constantly questioned why he held you in such a high regard, you weren't anything special. You considered yourself quite average... Your bafflement was amplified when you learned of his actual status, the fact he was the Geo Archon, or used to be the Geo Archon at least. Why would an Archon treat you, a normal being, in such a way?
As time progressed, around a year into your relationship. Things seemed to being going smoothly. You slowly let go of your doubts and felt appreciated that such a man would treat you so well. You felt important, attractive, happy. That was till whilst on a date at your usual spot, listening to the tales of Rex Lapis which always amused you that he liked to listen to tales about himself as a pastime, everything was going as usual. Well, until he didn't call you by your name but called you 'Guizhong'. You choked on your tea and looked him in confused betrayal. His wide eyed shock worried you even more, he eventually regained composure and said he got his names muddled due to the tale we were listening to. Credit where its due the tale was about someone called Guizhong. You shook it off and reassured him but you didn't let it go.
One day whilst he was busy with the funeral parlour, Hu Tao had requested he do some obscure advertising again. You took the chance away to do some research on this 'Guizhong' the look in his eyes when he muddled up names seemed more panicked than what he explained it was. He also didn't seem the type to muddle names or lose composure much to do so.
Wanwen Bookhouse had always been a life saver for looking up old pasts about Zhongli, even if some where untrue you enjoyed laying in bed with Zhongli as he corrected all he wrong parts. It was an opportunity to learn more about him and his voice was so soothing it often sent you right to sleep and you always woke up disgruntled that you didn't get to hear much. He always chuckled at your disdain. Your hunt for information on Guizhong gave you a headache, part of you wished you'd actually listened to the tale on that date to at least find a place to start instead of being in a daze whilst looking at Zhongli. Yeah, he still had that effect on you annoyingly.
"Can I help you find what you're looking for?" Jifang's soft voice broke you out of your frustration.
"Ah yes, my apologies for taking so long. I uh wanted to learn more about Guizhong. I heard the name mentioned at a tale last night and wanted to know more but I'm not sure where to start..." You sighed.
Jifang chuckled softly.
"Not to worry, you aren't the only one to come looking about her. Here," She pointed to a shelf mostly about Rex Lapis and you gave her a confused look.
"The one about Rex Lapis's relations and comraderies has things about her. It has a concerning amount of detail about her, sadly Archons sure have no privacy" She chuckled again.
So she was a relation to Zhongli, your anxiety was not quelled as you hoped it would be... it increased and your chest felt tight. Okay let's not get ahead of ourselves maybe she was just family, let's not jump to conclusions you told yourself. Jifang seemed to sense your anxiety, maybe its because your breath caught when she said that and you hadn't breathed out since.
"Are you okay? Is something wrong?" Her tone had softened and was no longer amused, you liked Jifang for this, whilst she was impatient she was still sweet and cared for those around her, she was an admirable person. Heaving a breath you shook off her worries and paid for the book, leaving swiftly. Your anxiety never quelled all the way home, mind racing, your inner council in a blazed panic.
Do we really want to know? We could just stay ignorant and not hurt ourselves... you debated internally looking at the book on the table in front of you. You had plenty of time Zhongli usually didn't come back till early morning if Hu Tao asked for something spectacular. You concluded that your curiosity would make you eventually read it in the end.
The explanation started off pretty normal, Guizhong was close with Zhongli, what worried you was the line about how 'they could have easily been mistaken for lovers'. The next part about her was in Rex Lapis's Close Relations: Relationships. You hoped, and prayed it wasn't what you thought it was. Alas your prayers were not heard, you read with tears in your eyes. Guizhong was once Rex Lapis's lover who is long dead. Whilst that was quite relieving in one sense there was a picture of her on the next page. She so closely resembled you, you were shocked, taken aback. Your heart constricted in pain. You connected the dots. This small piece of information made everything fall into place. Why he treated you so well whilst being a past Archon. Why he treat you with such high priority. Why he called you Guizhong by accident that day. He was only with you due the resemblance. To him you weren't Y/N, you were Guizhong. His loyalties didn't lie with you, they lay with her. Your heart constricted with pain. The idea of this amazing man you loved with every cell in your body, not loving you after all felt like your heart had been ripped from your chest. He loved someone else and used you to love them still. This entire year had been a lie, a hoax, a delusion. As the sobs ripped from your chest you felt like an idiot for ever believing someone so high out of your league could ever ever love you.
After the sadness came anger, unbridled agony filtered into petty frustration. You ripped the picture from the book. You'd already paid for it. You didn't care for it. All it brought you was pain. Zhongli should be on his way home now, you knew the route he took. It was early hours of the morning. No one was there to see your tear strewn disarray of a being storm their way down the detour he always took. It all made sense why he took that detour home by the cliffs now. You once questioned why he came home so late, he always said he just liked to reminisce on days of old. You used to take pity at his pained expression when he told you, always trying to comfort him every time he got upset over his long gone friends. Now the image of his face angered you, how dare he use you. Sacrifice your heart just to feel better. You regret ever taking pity. Ever sharing your love. You regret everything.
He saw your figure walking towards him as he heard the sound of footsteps on the leaves atop the cliff, he had a soft smile till he saw your face. His smile quickly faded to concern and anxiety.
"My love? What's wrong?" Voice laced with concern as he held your face. You didn't care for it. It didn't calm you anymore. He was a traitor. An asshole. He used you. You slapped his hands away from your face and shoved the picture roughly into his chest. His surprise was evident, you never acted like this. Never had he seen you angry at him in an entire year.
"I know everything you fucking asshole. How dare you use me? I was an idiot to ever think an Archon would care for a human so much." You spat through gritted teeth.
His eyes widen as he uncrumpled the image, regret and sympathy was the next emotion to trace his face. It infuriated you. This meant you were correct. A small part of you hoped that it wasn't the case and that he'd reassure you. You could go home. Forget this ever happened and live a peacefully ignorant life until you passed away and he moved to the next person who resembled her. Part of you yearned for that life, you were seething with anger but it didn't change the fact that you loved him. Unfortunately, he didn't speak. He just stared at the picture with pained, regretful eyes. A small part of you felt some sympathy for him, but your hurt and betrayal quickly pushed it away.
"I thought maybe I could ignore it, but even though I've closed my eyes, I know who you pretend I am." That was all you could muster, you just wanted to leave. Never ever see him again. You wanted to forget.
He reached for you, regret and sorry painted his face. You felt nothing. You just stared at him, waiting for him to say something. Anything. He didn't move. He didn't speak. Even as you stormed away and moved away from Liyue. He didn't come to you, he didn't even try. It was just another not so friendly reminder that he never cared for you, he didn't want to salvage what was left. You took that as your sign, your time had come to leave his life. As everyone would one day. You just left a little earlier, a little more hurt than the rest. He didn't deserve all the comfort he would get from his friends in Liyue, you weren't petty enough to go to them and complain. Reveal his secret. You just wanted to leave and forget this ever happened.
You never saw him again after that day. He was an asshole for what he did and you knew that, but as the anger subsided and the original hurt washed away. It was replaced with a new kind of hurt. You wished you could feel his warm, caring touch even if it was fake. You wished to feel it just one last time.