Chapter Text
"Before we get started… can you pick a relaxing color for me?"
"A relaxing color?" you echo back.
Gen smoothes out the furred tarp laid out on the floor of the tent, running his palm along any wrinkles in the fabric. "Well, I suppose I should say, 'pick a color that you find relaxing'," he clarifies. "It won't really affect anything, but it's a little personal touch I like to use."
You think for a moment, eying him warily. "It won't affect anything?"
"Nothing at all," he smiles as he stands up. "I just find that using someone's favorite color in an induction makes them feel a bit more comfortable. And since you're such a skeptic, I thought I'd give myself any advantage that I could."
He motions for you to lay down on the makeshift bed he's prepared for you. You do as he instructs, feeling more than a little self-conscious as you try to shift and get cozy. Gen peers over you and smiles thinly. You instinctively cross your arms over your chest and try not to make the motion too obvious.
You hadn’t intended for things to get to this point.
It had been a simple, innocuous question. You don’t even remember precisely what it was that you had asked him. Something about the old world, about his life as a magician, and about hypnosis.
Why hypnosis? Well, truthfully, the question had been a bit snide in its origin, and you were almost certainly implying that his ‘magic’ was more parlor tricks than anything else. He was no psychologist, he was a mentalist . A showman. And maybe the two of you had traded barbs, and Gen had offered to try his tricks out on you, taunting you with the argument that you would have no reason to decline if you weren’t scared of really getting hypnotized.
You realize, now that you’re lying here on the ground alone with him in his tent, that this was quite a stupid argument to have fallen for. But here you are regardless. It would be humiliating to back out now, so you’ve just got to endure whatever little show he’s going to put on for you.
"You're not going to be standing over me while you're doing it, are you?"
"No, not at all," he assures you. In fact, he kneels back down next to your head, settling himself into a comfortable sitting position close by.
You feel a slight warmth creep into your cheeks. "Do you have to be that close?"
"Well, you need to be able to hear my voice clearly," Gen replies, that small, impartial smile still on his lips. "Have you picked your color yet?"
You hesitate before answering. "...Pink," you say, with some unwillingness. He gives you a look and you flush. "You said it wouldn't affect any of your - what'd you call it, an induction?"
"It won't," Gen assures you mildly, holding up his hands. "And don't worry, I wasn't judging your choice… now, just one more thing before we begin. Are you comfortable with me touching you during the session?"
You stare sharply up at him, cheeks still burning. "You're gonna have to be more specific."
"Well, in ideal circumstances, I'd like to have you put your head in my lap," he says, and gently pats his thigh. "That way I can pet your hair while I talk, and you'll feel far more relaxed… but I can tell you wouldn't like that, so we'll skip it for now."
He backtracks before you can even say anything, evidently picking up on your answer just from the look on your face. "That's okay, though. It isn't totally necessary. You'll do just fine without it."
Gen breathes in deeply, exhaling slowly as he lets his shoulders drop. He lets his eyes open just a crack and smiles down at you. "Are you ready?" he asks. His voice has a different tone then you're used to, each word spoken with purpose and a slightly undulating pitch that catches your attention right away. Taken aback for a moment, you recover quickly and nod.
"Good… now do me a favor and uncross your arms," he instructs you. You force yourself to do as he says. Nothing has even happened yet, but it really sounds like he's taking this seriously. "Let them rest by your sides, and get comfortable… make sure you can lie in that position for thirty or so minutes."
Thirty minutes? He's going to just sit there and talk at you for half an hour? The thought is kind of dreadful, to be honest. Maybe it would be better to back out.
"Are you comfortable?"
His voice… it sounds so warm.
Ughh.
"Yes," you mutter unwillingly.
"Good. Now, I want you to take one big, deep breath, filling up your chest as full as you can… and let it all out, until there's nothing left."
You do as he says.
"Very good."
You could really do without all those little praises scattered about. They're distracting. It feels sort of condescending, the way he keeps telling you ‘good job!” for doing nothing at all.
"Hey," Gen says suddenly, in his normal tone. You blink. "If you're not going to take this seriously, I won't even bother."
"Huh? I am taking it seriously," you say, glancing up at him.
He meets your gaze with a somewhat petulant look. "You are not. You're overthinking everything I'm saying. If you don't just relax and listen, there's no hope of it ever working."
...You guess he’s right.
"Okay. Sorry," you say, a little sheepish.
"I don't need you to be sorry," Gen tells you, "I need you to listen. Can you do that?"
"...Yes."
He takes another little deep breath, preparing himself again. He rests his hands gently in his lap. "Okay. Good."
That velvety tone is back. Wow, he can really flip that switch fast, huh?
Oh, that's right. Stop overthinking. Okay, you can do this.
"You don't have to try to stop yourself from thinking; that'll just make you think about everything even harder. All I need you to do is follow along with my instructions, and it'll happen naturally. Alright?"
He's exceedingly talented at picking up on what you're thinking. It’s more than a little freaky. "Alright."
"Alright," he says once more. "Take a deep breath in for me… fill up your lungs as much as you can, until there's no room left at all… and let it out, exhaling every last bit of air…"
Big inhale… bigger exhale.
"Very good. Now, I want you to take another deep breath - but this time, as you inhale, count to three. And when you exhale, do the same thing. I'll count it out with you. One, two, three… and one, two, three, again, that's right."
One, two, three… One, two, three. You make sure to follow along exactly as he counts.
"I want you to keep breathing like that as we move on. In for three, out for three."
His voice sounds so different when he's really concentrating on something like this. It's less shrill, somehow. Less grating. There's still that familiar lilt, but it's much more pronounced. He just sounds… softer.
In for three, out for three.
"Now, pick a spot on the ceiling for me, okay?" he says gently. "Make sure it's just about straight ahead, so you don't strain your eyes to look at it. I want you to focus on that spot as you continue to breathe, and as I continue to speak."
It’s a bit hard to see, but there's a little spot on the fabric above you that’s darker than the rest. You don’t have to turn your head or strain to focus on it, so you pick that.
“If you find your eyes wandering, remember to return them to that spot.” Gen shifts ever so slightly beside your head, brushing dust from his lap. “Focus on that spot. Focus on your breathing. Focus on my voice, and my words… I’m going to guide you down, now. Follow along as I speak…”
You’ve never focused so clearly on just breathing before. You’re still counting your breaths the way he told you to: three seconds on each inhale, three seconds on each exhale. It’s becoming easier to do without thinking so much. You do your best not to let your eyes wander.
You’re not really falling for this, are you…?
No, of course not. You're just playing along.
“Imagine,” Gen begins, drawing out his words, “that you’re in a room. The room is round, with not a corner to be seen. There are no windows, but the room is very well-lit, and you can see without any issues. The only thing in this room, aside from the door where you came in, is a large, luxurious bed. It looks soft to the touch, as if you’d sink right into it if you were to lay down.”
Sounds nice right about now. You can’t remember the last time you laid in a real bed.
“It’s a welcome sight… you’ve had a long, weary day,” Gen says softly, letting his voice dip into a lower register, even quieter and more delicate than before. “You weren’t aware of it before, but as you find yourself staring at this bed, you can feel all the aches and pains in your body that have been building up throughout the course of the day. Your neck… your shoulders… even your wrists, and all the muscles in your legs.”
He’s right… your neck has been bothering you for days. You squeeze your eyes shut tighter, trying to resist the urge to wiggle as he calls attention to the ache.
Huh? When did you close your eyes?
They snap open.
You’re supposed to be looking at that spot on the ceiling. You almost forgot.
That was close.
“Every inch of your body feels the stress of having stayed awake for so long, having worked so hard… it would be so nice to lay down. Your work is all done for the day, after all. You’ve done such a good job today… you deserve it.”
Your eyelids droop slightly. That’s a nice thing to hear. Some appreciation, no matter how small.
“You approach the bed, running your hand along the covers. They’re just as soft as you imagined - softer, even. Just this simple touch makes a warm, comforting feeling spark in your fingertips. It feels as if you’ve dipped your fingers into a fresh, hot bath, at just the perfect temperature.”
Your fingers twitch slightly. You can almost feel the sensation as he describes it… that’s weird.
“You carefully climb up onto the bed, your knees and the palms of your hands sinking into the plush, pink fabric… the warmth spreads slowly from the tips of your fingers downwards, creeping over your palms and the backs of your hands…”
In… out. Breathing carefully.
Look at that spot… focus on it.
“You want to lay down,” Gen murmurs, and you feel his thumb sweep gently over your forehead - just once, as if he’s brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. He moves his hand before you can process the touch too heavily. “You’re sure that if you lay down, that lovely, warm feeling will spread all the way down your body. Already, the aches in your fingers and your wrists seem to be disappearing, but the rest of your body still feels so stiff…”
Yeah. Your neck still hurts…
“You really want to lay down,” Gen tells you, his voice almost dripping with the desperation you’re beginning to feel. “You need to… you’re not sure you can stand it much longer, knowing that relief is right there. It’s not even important to get under the covers, or to fluff up the pillows beforehand… just lying down and letting your back sink into this soft, cozy bed will be enough.”
Yeah… you'd fallen asleep plenty of times before without getting under the blankets in your old bed. You'd even fallen asleep on the floor, sometimes, if it was comfortable enough… it all depended on how tired you were.
"You find yourself sinking before you realize it… as if the bed is coaxing you to lie down, to let all that tension in your body drip away… and though you might hesitate, you know it's going to feel so good when you let yourself drop into that softness."
You probably should have noticed the precise, feather-light way that Gen emphasized that particular word, but all you're able to think of is that soft, warm bed beneath you… how much you want to bury your face in those pillows and drift off… to drop, like he said…
"And it's okay to close your eyes," Gen's sweet voice guides you. "Your work is all done… you've got no more responsibilities. Let all those worries fall away, dropping out of your head… dropping away, as you let your body drop … your muscles relaxing as you stop supporting yourself and instead sink down, deep down, into that comfort…"
Deep…
"And when you drop into that soft, warm embrace, you just feel so … happy. So relaxed. So perfect. It's been so long since you truly relaxed."
A tingling smile slowly spreads across your lips. There's no tension in your face at all. Just your eyes, gently closed, your lips slightly parted.
"And that warm, nice feeling… that warm relaxation begins to spread over your whole body. Spreading from the tips of your fingers, up your hand… over your wrists… creeping up your arms, past your shoulders…"
All the aches and pains are melting away. You let out an audible little sigh.
This… feels nice.
"And a strange thing begins to happen," Gen muses, his voice warm and soft, wrapping you up in the gentle current of his words. You focus a tiny bit more, curious to know what strange thing is going to happen to you. "As that warmth spreads… as all the aches in your body drop away… your thoughts drop away, too, one at a time… like little drops of water.
"Drop… the feeling reaches your neck. So warm. So nice. Spreading down over your chest… Drop. Getting harder to think. So warm. Feels so good."
Your chest is warm… your arms are warm. Your stomach, your hips… every spot on your body that he mentions is slowly flooded with a pleasant warmth.
"Hard to think… easy to feel good. That warm sensation spreads down your thighs. Feels good not to think. Over your knees, down your legs… until it reaches the very tips of your toes, and your whole body feels so warm, and so empty.
"So empty, and so obedient ," Gen murmurs… a new word. A word that grabs your attention for just a moment before you lose track of your thoughts again. "All that's left is your head… your empty little head. That warmth slowly creeps up your neck, and over your cheeks… over the bridge of your nose, to the tips of your ears… and everywhere that feeling goes, it lets your tension drop away. All that's left is your head, now… and as the gentle, warm feeling reaches the top of your head, the last of your tension, the last of your thoughts, they just…
" Drop ."
Gen snaps his fingers.
*
Your eyes snap open.
You blink a few times, taking a moment to suck in a deep breath and stretch, raising your arms up high over your head. Ah… did you fall asleep? You sit up slowly.
"How do you feel?" Gen's sly voice suddenly grabs your attention, and you jolt slightly.
"Gen?" you blurt out on instinct. "What are you…?"
"Don't you remember?" he asks, with an exaggerated tilt of his head.
You have to think for a moment, but the memory floats back to the surface without much effort. That's right. He'd tried to hypnotize you, after you goaded him about it. You shake your head slightly, still waking up.
"Ah… that’s right.” You rub at the back of your head. "I think I fell asleep halfway through. I'm sorry if I messed anything up..."
He smiles. "Oh, no, not at all. You did perfectly. I'm almost surprised that it's your first time being hypnotized."
"Uh… huh." You find that comment a little off-putting, although you can’t seem to place why. His strange smile is unreadable, as always. "So… did it work, then?"
"Well, we're about to find out," Gen says sweetly. "How do you feel? Do you feel relaxed?"
You think it over for a moment. "...Yeah, I do," you admit. "Like I said, I think I just took a nap while you were talking to me, though."
Gen covers his mouth daintily and chuckles. You feel a little unnerved. It's like he knows something that you don't. "Alright, what exactly do you remember, then? What was I saying to you?"
You think for a moment. "You had me lay down, and talked me through breathing… three seconds in, and three seconds out. And then you had me imagine that room with a bed in it, and laying down in it… and then feeling really relaxed." Saying all of this somehow feels so... embarrassing? Is that the word you’re looking for? Maybe it's just how silly the whole situation is.
"And that's it?"
"...What do you mean?"
"You don't remember anything else after that?" Gen prompts.
Nervously, you shake your head. Were you supposed to?
He slides his hands into his sleeves and smiles again. "I think that's that, then."
"What? What do you mean?" You aren't trying to get worked up over something so unimportant, but what does he mean by 'that's that'? Did it work or not?
"What are you upset about?"
"I… I'm not upset," you say firmly. "But I thought that… well, I was giving you a hard time because I said you can't make people do things through hypnosis, and…"
Gen raises his sleeves up to cover his mouth again. "And you wanted me to make you do something?" he asks teasingly.
"No!" you snap, feeling your face flush. "But I guess I don't see the point of you - having done all this, if…"
You trail off, not wanting to accidentally say something he'll misinterpret. But it feels like he's just wasted a bunch of your time for something with no payoff.
He hums to himself. "No, I see what you mean," he says. "That was the whole point, after all, to see if I could induce you and leave some sort of effect. You relaxed like I told you to, and you forgot what I told you to, so I guess all that's left is to see if this will work…"
Forgot?
What did you forget?
You swallow nervously as he drops his hands and rests them in his lap. "Are you ready? If this works, and you really did get hypnotized, promise not to throw a fit about it?"
He's a real aggravating character, huh. You try to ignore the heat in your cheeks as you stare him down. None of this stuff is real, anyway. He's just trying to get up in your head and tease you about it. You have nothing to be scared of.
" G-Go ahead," you mumble.
He pauses dramatically. "What," he begins slowly, "...is my name?"
You blink.
What kind of question is that?
"Answer me," he says. "I'm waiting."
"...Gen," you say, half-expecting something to actually happen when you say it. But that's it. You don't feel anything different, and there's no sudden desire to do anything crazy, as if he'd actually influenced you in any way. All you've done is say his name.
But he's smiling at you. That thin, sly smile, as if he knows something that you don't. As if he really has done something to you.
"You're sure?" he asks, staring right at you.
"Yes. Yes," you repeat yourself, with more certainty. You curl your hands into fists. This whole thing was stupid. Why would he even go to these lengths just to pretend he had some kind of supernatural power? Was he just that stubborn, that unwilling to admit that he was a fraud?
"I can tell you're getting upset," Gen says gently, as if trying to calm you down. It doesn't work. "I just have one more question for you, and then you can go." He waits for your approval.
"Fine," you spit out. You can't believe you've just wasted the last half hour hanging out with this guy because you had a stupid question about his old job! That's the last time you try to strike up a conversation with him.
He slowly raises his right hand and, as he speaks, he snaps. The sound is quick and crisp, and it seems to hang in the air for several more moments than it should. "What's my name?"
"Gen-chan," you say harshly, and you're still glaring at him as the words fall from your lips and you realize what it is that you've actually just said. You blink. You recoil in sudden horror, covering your mouth.
His eyes light up - just for a moment, not even for half a second - but you see it happen. It fills you with dread. He looks positively elated.
"Oh? What was that?" he asks, peering at you with a snide look on his face. "What did you just call me?"
"Nothing," you hiss, trying to ignore the heat of embarrassment coiling up in your stomach. "I... I just said your name."
"My name ?" Gen purrs.
He snaps again.
"Gen-chan," you blurt out.
What? What the hell? You start to panic. How did he make you say that? You'd never, not in a million years, be caught dead calling him that. You hate his stupid, cutesy little nicknames.
"I thought you hated that," Gen taunts, grinning at you wickedly. "Maybe you don't hate it as much as you say you do? Or maybe you just wanted to get me alone before you called me that? It could be our little secret."
"N-No, shut up!" you snap at him.
He laughs, clearly taking some sadistic pleasure from how upset you are. "You don't have to be embarrassed. I mean, I think it's cute…"
"It's not cute, Gen!" Your face feels like it's on fire.
"Ahh? Just Gen? That's not my name ." He snaps.
"Gen -….chan!"
Even when you try to hold it back, you can't. It spills out before you can fully contain it, as if your mouth can't keep the word inside. You whine, ducking your head so he can't look at your face.
Wha… how did he do that? He didn't really hypnotize you… he couldn't have. It's not real! That type of thing can't really happen…!
"Ahh, are you okay over there?" Gen teases, leaning in closer. "Did I do too much for your first time?"
You take a deep breath and peek up at him. "H...How," you finally manage to spit out, once you've pulled yourself together. "How did you… do that?"
"I think you know as well as I do how I did it. You're the one who asked me about it in the first place."
"But..." You shake your head. "But it's not… but that doesn't make any sense," you argue. You're not coming across very eloquently, but you're legitimately confused, and legitimately frustrated.
Gen laughs, covering his mouth again, as if he's playing the part of some cute dainty schoolgirl. But this isn't the time for playing around. You get upset when you don't understand things, and right now, you do not understand what he's done to you.
"No, really - how?" you demand. You press your palms against the ground and lean in, staring at him expectantly. Gen smiles smugly.
"Are you really that interested?" he teases you. He knows full well that you're asking out of a sense of insecurity, not out of curiosity. He's just playing with you because he can. "I thought you didn't believe in any of my pseudo-science."
You bite back the scathing retort building up in your throat. You want to know. Not because you care to know, but because it's infuriating that you don't know. But he's the one with all the cards, here. This isn't information you can necessarily drag out of someone else.
"Tell me," you say, instead of something far harsher. You hesitate. "It… clearly works, so… I want to know how you did it." It stings your pride to ask him in such a submissive manner, but he decides to take pity on you.
He hums delicately. "Well, on paper, I hypnotized you," he says, and the sense of delight that his tone gives off is infuriating you even more than before. But you hold yourself back obediently, and listen. "Hypnosis is not magic, no matter how hypnotists might like to present it. It's a method used to guide subjects into a state of heightened suggestibility. It's nothing dangerous, because you can't truly force a subject to do anything. Hypnosis only works when the subject is willing to be hypnotized."
You stare at him, waiting for him to continue.
"So," he continues, "the first requirement for our little experiment just now was a willing participant: you."
"But I don't believe in this kind of stuff," you interrupt him - not out of anger, this time, but out of a genuine desire to correct him.
"So you say!" agrees Gen. "But you were the one to bring up the subject, and you agreed to partake - didn't you?"
You can't argue with that. You fall silent.
"A willing participant," Gen says again. You get the feeling he's teasing you by repeating that phrase. "On some level, you were interested in the possibility of being hypnotized, whether or not you logically believed it was possible. Many people subconsciously long for an escape into a fantasy world, where they may encounter things that can't be explained… it's this deep-seated desire for a magical experience that can often allow skeptics to fall into trance, no matter how vocal they are about their disbelief."
That sort of makes sense. Obviously, you didn't really believe in this stuff - it didn't make one damn lick of sense from a scientific point of view. But, at the same time, you've loved magic since you were a kid. You suppose that suspension of disbelief could still be a pleasant experience, if it was just for a short while.
"Our second requirement," says Gen, holding up two fingers. "A trance. Once again, a trance is not necessarily what the name implies - I haven't drugged you, or put some magic spell on you. What I've done is helped you to relax, by speaking in a very precise, guided tone, with an innate rhythm that the mind finds pleasant. If you've ever read Shakespeare, for example, you know that he uses iambic pentameter in his plays. You can feel the rhythm in his words by simply speaking them aloud."
Alright, that one you buy. Gen was a performer by trade, and though you'd never say it to his face, he did have a voice that was pleasant to listen to. It wasn't too much of a stretch, especially once you admit that you did feel really relaxed when you woke up.
"Three!" Gen hides his hands within his sleeves again. "Once I've gotten you nice and relaxed, you're much less likely to argue with what I'm telling you. By this point, you're lying there all cozy with your eyes closed, and in the back of your mind, you're waiting for me to magically hypnotize you. So, when I start giving you simple instructions, you listen. You trust that I'll make something fun and unusual happen to you, and you don't worry about how I'll make it happen. It's like a fun game of pretend."
"Wait, but… you didn't give me any instructions," you say slowly. "Besides telling me to look at the ceiling, and to breathe…"
"Really?" Gen asks, once again doing his trademark puppy head tilt. "Well, let me ask you something. If I were giving you simple, easy instructions, and you were following them all without thinking, what do you think would happen if I said, 'and you'll forget everything we talked about when you wake up'?"
He looks at you expectantly, as if he’s waiting for an ‘ooh’ or ‘ahh’ of understanding, but you just laugh instead. "Yeah, but… okay, I see what you're saying, but you can't just make me forget things."
"No, I can't," Gen agrees. "But you can ignore what I told you. You can pretend like you've forgotten. Because then, you get to say, 'Oh! What's this? I've woken up, and I've been hypnotized! This is sooo exciting!'"
You laugh again. Not because it's funny, but because you're embarrassed. Why? You have no idea why. It doesn’t make any sense at all. But still you turn your head away and you laugh, covering your mouth and your warm cheeks with your hands, knowing that he's looking right at you but unwilling to face him.
"That - that's dumb," you say with a laugh, palms hovering over your mouth.
"I don't think it's dumb," says Gen serenely. "And you know what else?"
"What?" you manage with a nervous giggle, trying to fight back a smile.
"I don't think you remember my name ."
Snap.
"Gen-chan!" your voice calls out, betraying you. God! You cannot get over that feeling of being unable to control your own speech. It makes your stomach twist.
"Oh? How did I do that?" Gen gasps out, as if he's truly baffled. "How did I make you say that? And why wouldn't you remember being told to say that? It defies imagination!"
"O-Okay, stop - stop making fun of me," you say, fighting back the urge to cover your whole face. "Because - well, according to you, you're saying I… wanted it to happen… right? Even though I didn't ."
You can't help but defensively tack on that last part. It's a matter of pride, you think. Gen doesn't seem bothered by it.
"I'm not saying you want me to control how you talk. I'm saying you were stressed, and a little bored, and you wanted to experience something fun and unexpected." He smiles gently. "And, well. All it really takes is one little part of your mind relaxing enough to say, 'this will be fun, so let's just see what happens.'"
You peek at him. He probably thought that sounded so knowledgeable and elegant.
...And maybe it did. Just a little bit.
"Okay…" you begin slowly. "Let's just say I'm gonna believe all that dumb stuff you just told me. I'm not gonna be stuck like this forever, am I? Calling you that stupid name?"
"Oh, no," Gen says quickly. "No more than an hour. Probably closer to thirty minutes, if I'm being truthful. You'll be just fine before you know it."
"Okay, well… that makes me feel a little better."
Gen closes his eyes serenely and rests his hands in his lap. "You really don't like calling me 'Gen-chan'?" he asks innocently. "I think it suits you, personally."
"Y-You do, huh?" you shoot back, intending to be playful, but your voice wavers slightly.
Huh. That's unusual.
"I do," he says again, voice lilting. "I think it's very cute."
...Cute?
Gen has called you cute before. A number of times, in fact. You hate it. He says it often, to almost everyone, in a very casual and falsely affectionate way that almost turns the word into something condescending, even if he means it positively.
Ah, Chrome-chan, what a cute little contraption , he'd say, as Chrome passed by with some complex machinery that he'd spent weeks crafting. And Chrome would mutter curses under his breath, mood immediately ruined, and stomp off somewhere else as Gen watched in confusion. Or he'd do the same thing to Senku, who would snidely tell him to can it and get back to work on their project instead of gawking at it.
Or he'd do it to you, weirdly enough, usually when you made some sort of effort to change your appearance. Wearing a new bracelet that you had made with some of the little kids in the village, or having braided your hair in a different way. No matter how small the change was, Gen would immediately and unyieldingly notice - and comment on it.
Your hair looks cute today. You finally changed it?
A compliment, immediately followed up by an insult. Compliment: You look good today! Implication: You never looked good before!
Everything about the way he spoke was confusingly cloying, frustratingly superficial. You hated that tone, the look in his eyes when he'd 'compliment' you. It always felt more like a passive aggressive knock.
But in this present moment, when he says that word you hate so much - cute. - with his eyes closed so calmly and a little smile on his lips, you feel your heart jump in your chest.
You chalk it up to a sudden palpitation. You don't think about it for any longer than you have to.
He opens his eyes and glances at you, as if he can somehow peer into the contents of your chest from where he's sitting. Your throat feels dry. But he doesn't comment, doesn't mention anything at all about your heart. He just gently pushes himself off from the ground, dusts off his robes, and smiles down at you.
"Well," he says. "If I've satisfied your need for an explanation, I think that's that, then."
"Huh? Oh, yeah," you agree, shaking your head slightly to clear your thoughts. You stand up. "Sure, I'm satisfied."
You can't help but be put off by that smile of his. Sly and perpetual, clearly meaningless, yet dangerously knowing.
"Thank you for letting me show off," Gen says with a twinkle in his eye. "It's been a long time since I've had the opportunity to spin my words just for fun."
"Um, sure," you reply, suddenly overcome with the desire to dart out of the tent. Now that you're standing here and talking to him normally again, you feel self-conscious, somehow. As if you've bared a part of yourself to him during this little endeavor that you hadn't meant to.
"If you ever need to relax like this again, you can always come find me," he continues. You fidget with your fingers. "You did have a good time, didn't you?"
Um. You eye the exit nervously.
"I, well - it was relaxing," you admit lamely, not entirely sure if that's what he's asking. You don't recall ever using the phrase "good time". You don't believe you have any intention of ever having a "good time" with Gen.
You feel the brush of Gen’s shoulder against yours as he walks past you. It’s so subtle that you can’t tell if he did it on purpose or not. “Well, I had a good time,” he says smoothly. You can’t see his face. You have no idea what expression he’s wearing when he says that, what he means by that, what implication lies even further underneath.
That palpitation hits again. You ought to sit down.
You hear the soft swish of fabric as Gen raises the flap of the tent for you to exit. You turn around quickly, almost forgetting where you are. You try not to look at him as you duck underneath his arm.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he says sweetly.
“Sure,” you mumble quickly under your breath, your chest tight. You suddenly can’t wait to get away from him.
The night air feels refreshing, almost freezing as you gulp it in. You take a moment to compose yourself. You look back over your shoulder, as if expecting Gen to be standing there with one last remark, one last innuendo of some kind. But the tent is shut, and the cool breeze makes you shiver as you stand alone under the full moon, rubbing at your bare shoulders.
That’s that, you suppose.
...If only that were true.