Archive of Our Own

The apology letter was her publisher’s idea, a way to show that she never meant to hurt her siblings with her words, which was a lie in a way. She isn’t sorry really in any way that matters at least. She’s sorry that her siblings don’t seem to understand that what she did was for them too, that she exposed their father too, she’s sorry that Allison is getting harrassment by stupid reporters under her circumstances but how was Vanya supposed to know about that? It’s not like her sister talks to her.
But the publisher seems to always get what they want. She’s too meek, too much of a pushover and it all comes from the childhood which the people she’s apologizing to made a living nightmare.
So far three of them have responded, Klaus took the money they offered (he was the only one who did that and Vanya’s pretty sure she knows what he’ll use it for), Allison has issued a statement full of idioms and empty promises and Luther called to let her know he forgives her. 

“It’s fine,” he said. “I mean I guess it isn’t, you were kinda mean sometimes… but there’s worse stuff in the world. So whatever. I don’t care about the book. Don’t worry. I’m still your brother. I don’t hate you.”
He had sounded sad and tired and like he was holding back something he wanted her to know but Vanya really can’t care less what things Luther thought of as ‘worse’ than her book. Maybe his favourite star dying or something. The call was awfully awkward either way. 

The only one who hasn’t yet responded to the letter is Diego.
And now he’s here standing in the middle of her apartment like he’s supposed to be staring at her as she comes home from the orchestra.
“Jesus, Diego,” Vanya says and puts her violin down carelessly.
“Vanya,” Diego barks and it sounds way less cool than he might have hoped it would, it’s just Diego trying to be tough. She’s seen enough of it during their youth.

She looks him up and down. He has his hands crossed in front of his chest with his fingers twitching like he wished they were curled around the handle of a knife. He’s definitely mad.
“I got your letter,” he says then.
“Yes, I figured,” Vanya says and walks over to her fridge. She's not going to stoop down to this weird superhero vs. super villain thing Diego is trying on her, this is her brother for God’s sake, she’s been in a bathtub with him, has seen him cry over losing a tooth and has eaten his vegetables for him.
“Do you want anything to drink? I have… water and soda...” she has one soda to be clear and only water from the sink. She really needs to go grocery shopping.
“No,” Diego barks again, clearly irritated with her acting so nonchalant. “Fuck you and your fucking letter.”
Vanya sighs and looks up at him from the fridge taking the coke, if Diego doesn’t want it she’ll take it. “I’m guessing you’re not forgiving me then.” It comes out a little more mocking and cruel than she had intended but she didn’t feel like hiding that the letter hadn’t been her idea in the first place. She walks over to her couch and tries to ignore his stabbing eyes on her. 

It’s just Diego being pissed. Not half as scary as he wants to be. Not half as scary as she thought he’d be. It reminds her of a toddler throwing a temper tantrum and that thought makes her hold back a giggle as she lets herself fall on the couch. This situation isn’t really funny, she has to remind herself.

“No, no I’m not forgiving you!” Diego says, still trying to pretend that there’s some bite behind his bark. “You should have thought about that before you went and published a tell-all book on our childhood.”
“It was about my childhood,” Vanya says, calmly. She’s in the right here. She has leverage on Diego, on all of them for the first time in her life. She pops one of her pills and swallows it with the coke just to be sure she won’t lose her shit, she’s mastered the art of taking them so quickly and efficiently that nobody notices but even if he sees it, he must be used to it still. She was never allowed to go anywhere without her little pill bottle rattling in the pocket of her blazer. “It wasn’t just the six of you. I was stuck in that house with him too. And the book helped me deal with that. I admit some of what I wrote about you guys was a little personal but…”

“A little personal? A little personal ?” Diego echoes and looks at her. “Come on! Don’t pretend like this was something you just did to deal with your trauma. You didn’t have to publish it in that case. No this was your revenge, Vanya.”
“Oh? And that’s wrong somehow?” Vanya laughs a little. “Don’t pretend like you don’t want to act out revenge on Dad. Your last words to him were ‘drop dead’ if I remember correctly.”
“You didn’t get revenge on Dad though, did you?” Diego spat. “You got revenge on us. I think Dad came out of it best all things considered.”
“Nothing I wrote was a lie,” Vanya gives back.
Diego looks at her. “No. But it wasn’t your truth to tell, Vanya.”
“Like I said. It was my childhood I wrote about.”
“Oh, shut up ,” Diego yells. “You don’t truly think anybody read your book for the sad adventures of little Vanya learning the violin while desperately trying to get everybody’s attention. Because then the chapter about you running away wouldn’t be followed by: ‘Number Four - Death Drug and Decline’ or the chapter about how your relationship with Mom with ‘Number One - little boy in soldier’s body’. By the way your chapter titles suck ass.”
“Thanks for the constructive criticism,” Vanya scoffs and shrugs. “Luther and Klaus both accepted my apology.” She pretends she doesn’t notice that Diego’s leaving out his chapter on purpose.
“Yeah, Klaus would do anything for money and Luther’s gonna be shipped to the moon. Why would he give a shit about you revealing all the times he wet himself during training if he’s not gonna be on earth for much longer anyway?”
This does render Vanya speechless for a second. “He… what ?”
Diego scoffs. “Oh, so you don’t know everything that goes down in this family, yeah apparently Dad got sick of him stinking up the mansion and found the farthest place away to put him on.”
Vanya thinks of her call with Luther, the sadness in his voice, the feeling she’d gotten that there was more he wanted to tell her. Did he already know then?
That made sense. It’s so like Luther to punish her in his own quiet way by not giving her the chance to say goodbye before he leaves for the moon of all places.
“This isn’t about Luther though,” Vanya mutters and tries to stop herself from thinking about him out there in space. “I had to write about you all because you guys are my siblings which makes you a part of my childhood. A very important one might I add. So I actually don’t understand your problem.”

“Fuck off. You do know why we’re all mad at you. You read the think pieces and articles or you let your agent do that or else they wouldn’t have issued that official apology.”
“That was the publisher’s idea,” Vanya says and shrugs. Because who cares? She didn’t do anything wrong with the book, everyone who thought so just didn’t get what she had to deal with, of course Diego doesn’t get it either he’d been fortunate enough to be seen all his life. He’d been one of her tormentors.
“I figured,” he says and looks her up and down with something akin to… disappointment? Did he really hope the apology was genuine? “You knew they would fall all over themselves with articles and shit,” Diego says then and suddenly he sounds calm at least when you don’t know Diego and you haven’t grown up listening to him learn to speak in a way that didn’t make him stumble over his words. Learning how to force them out by slowing his speech down and focusing on every word with intent. Especially when he’s emotional. There’s tears in his eyes and Vanya tries to ignore that fact. “You knew what it would bring back for us, especially for Allison who’s p-pregnant and now also dealing with shit from dumb reporters. Dad messed us all up Vanya but you had to go and make it all about yourself. Make it out like you were the vi-victim.”
“I was the victim!” Vanya yells back.
“No, you were a victim, you were one of seven and it su-sucked for you to be excluded but you were excluded from was f-fucked up shit ! Messed up! And I don’t think you get that. You had it better than all of us and instead of being hu-happy about that you went and t-twisted our stories and our pain, twisted them for money and exposure and nothing else!” 
“I was in pain too!”
“Maybe,” Diego shrugged. “But instead of being a part of us to support us you went and v-victimized all of us again. No wonder Luther forgives you. Fits his track record.”
Vanya stares at him. “You’re comparing me to Dad. That’s not fair.”
“Yeah, well,” Diego says and looks at her and breathes out heavily. “Nothing about this has been fair so far. Forget this. You’ve clearly just always been an awful person,” he mutters and turns towards the window ready to climb out he looks back at her. “Hope it was worth it at least. Enjoy your five minutes of fame and then the rest of your sad life. I thought we were a family. I thought we were friends. But all you are is a backstabbing bitch.”

Vanya watches him leave and makes a fist. He had excluded her once again made it clear where he stood and for what. In his eyes only members of the Umbrella Academy had suffered under Reginald’s abuse.
Fine. If he thinks so. But Vanya knows how unfair and painful her own childhood had been and none of the others would ever get that, too wrapped up in their own problems. She takes another pill. Maybe she shouldn't have written that damn book, she needs to concentrate on practicing.