Chapter Text
It was during our last concert of the international tour; we were in Seoul. The last song was playing over the loudspeakers and despite having flown in from Turkey less than a week ago, the energy in our voices was unaffected. The whole stadium was singing Mikrokosmos as if it were the national anthem. The lights, the drones drawing our logos in the sky... I was never much of a crier, but I seem to remember feeling my tears building up and not wanting to let them fall. The guys were each tending to their respective areas, I had Jimin to my right and the others behind me. Army looked lively and they were moving the army bombs to the beat of the song; "we shining" was always a verse I liked.
Suddenly, I stopped listening to Jin through the in-ear and it was at that moment everything ended. Ashes filled the stadium, my naivety made me think that the confetti was replaced for a different color, but the voices of the audience turning into murmurs of confusion didn't let me believe it for long. Without thinking I ran down the catwalk and my eyes searching for Namjoon quickly found him. My heart was pounding so hard that I couldn't hear the crowd. The buzzing blood in my ears wouldn't even let me think. I only felt fear. His hands, legs and parts of his face --which never stopped smiling-- were slowly turning into black snowflakes. I ran as I had never run before and hugged him as I had never hugged him before as I felt his body fade away without asking time for permission. With the pounding of my heart still ringing in my head I could hear Namjoon say, "You are the reason we are BTS." That was the last thing he said to me before he faded away like those autumn leaves that inspired him so much that time. I wish it had all ended there.
The stadium lights flashed without warning. It was horrible what I saw. Suddenly what had happened was no longer hidden by darkness. From the building floated the ashes of thousands of people. It was so much that not all of it was floating, on the ground area it could easily have reached above my ankles. It really looked like snow. Everyone was crying, screaming and others said nothing and just watched. I saw one girl pick up the flakes as they usually do with confetti without a tear wetting her face; she was lost in thought. Children too young to be in the building looking for someone who was no longer there and the unified crying of thousands of people who demanded an explanation as much as I did. I turned around with terror in my eyes and saw Jimin crying on the floor where Taehyung used to be and Hoseok being comforted by a Yoongi struggling not to let the tears fall. I myself was covered with what I later understood were Namjoon's ashes. I remember nothing more of that day.