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The day trickles down, swirling at the drain with rose colored water making the last seven hours seem less painful than they actually were. The tips of TK’s fingers find evidence to the contrary, drawing an unavoidable wince from Carlos as the array of sore colors painting his sternum smart underneath the gentle slide of his boyfriend’s hand. Green eyes find his, looking up from under eyelashes that were wet long before they found themselves in the shower.
TK hides his sadness underneath the spray, taking one step back so the water cascades down his face alongside tears that have yet to stop. His bottom lip trembles with an apology that threatens to come, but TK bites it between his teeth as his eyes fall back to Carlos’ bare chest.
“It’s just a bruise,” Carlos reassures as he reaches out to press the notion into pale skin by following a splatter of birthmarks with his index finger like mapping out a constellation. He marvels at this one more than he ever has the stars themselves and finds himself grinning on the final connection. He looks up hoping to make just one more, brown eyes meeting green but TK twists away from the bump under his chin Carlos gives him to continue staring at the deep shade of purple staining his skin.
“If it were just a bruise,” TK fights to keep his voice above the sound of the water beating against the tile, “then I wouldn’t be feeling it, too.”
“TK-“ Carlos tries, but the man takes another step back putting the spray of the shower between them with a shake of his head. The sound of the glass door opening fills him with a dread that outlasts the feeling of the bullet striking his vest some odd hours ago. Watching TK towel off and slide into sweats through the fogged glass of the shower makes the bruise of it feel like it’s going to stay there forever.
The water turns cold quickly after TK escapes the bathroom, the chill of it forcing Carlos to face the remnants of the day that couldn’t be washed away sooner than he wants to. Rushing into warmth, his clothes stick to his still damp skin once he exits the shower and barely takes the time to towel off. He runs it through his hair until his curls expand with wild abandon before hanging the towel on the hook on the wall and preparing himself to leave the safety of the bathroom.
On a deep exhale, he steps through the threshold of the en-suite and into their bedroom. The usual comfort of the space alludes him as he finds TK sitting hunched over the end of the bed, quivering hands cradling his head. Carlos crosses the room, thankful for the warm carpet keeping his quick footsteps from sounding desperate as he drops down to a crouch in front of TK.
“Baby,” he whispers as he smoothes his hands up the thick joggers covering his boyfriend’s legs before finding the man’s sides and steadying himself there, fingers scratching gently back and forth. “I can’t apologize for this. I won’t.”
TK drops his hands from his face, bunches the material of his pants underneath white knuckles and gathers his anger in a trembling breath. “I’m not asking you to, just....meet me here.”
Carlos frowns at the desperation distorting the deep shade of green of TK’s eyes with tears. “What do you mean?”
TK shakes his head, cheeks becoming damp again as tears spring lose and trail down pale skin. He fumbles for Carlos’ hand at his side, pulls it to his own chest and spreads dark fingers over the place his heart pounds as if it’s never slowed down at all.
“Here. Show me that you’re just as scared as I am, that I’m not...that I’m not crazy for being terrified over almost losing you today. Why aren’t you...here?”
The rhythm under his palm hurts in a way that doesn’t compare to bruises and he rubs his hand across it in an attempt to soothe the tempo before resting his head there instead. “I’m here, TK. I’m with you and I’m just as scared.”
“You don’t show it,” TK says, the accusation rattling against Carlos’ temple and making it hurt.
He pulls back and looks his boyfriend in the eye with a truth he’s long thought was easy to see. “I can’t lose you. Ever, TK. You get that? That’s what I’m scared of. I would think that taking a bullet for you would be enough to prove that.”
TK tries to pull away at that, but Carlos doesn’t let him, holds him tighter at the sides. “I won’t apologize for protecting you. I won’t apologize that I love you more than anything and I won’t apologize that it scares you because it means you love me just as much.”
TK reaches out, traces the curve of cheekbones with his thumbs against Carlos’ face before cradling it in his shaking hands, determined to support him regardless of how incapable he feels. Carlos smiles at him, a small thing between the big moment defining them. “I am sorry that it feels this way,” he amends, trailing his hand back to rest over TK’s thundering heart and running his other to meet TK’s at the side of his face. “But it doesn’t have to because I’m here. You’re here. We’re here together, TK. That’s what I want to show you. That’s where I want to meet you. Always together. ”
TK blinks once, twice, and finds Carlos’ gaze after the third, the mischief flickering behind damp eyelashes pulling at the corner of TK’s mouth. Carlos feels himself being tugged up and follows without question as TK falls back on the mattress, pulling Carlos on top of him with whisper of, “Then show me.”
Carlos laughs into the kiss he presses to TK’s lips, feels it die out at the salt taste of tears when he kisses his cheek. He leans back enough to make sure that the tears aren’t fresh and breathes deeply when they’re not, the inhale of it causing him to wince. TK tenses at the flinch he feels beneath his hands and slides his fingers back to trace the darkening bruise covering Carlos’ sternum with a featherlight touch. It hurts just the same, but for an entirely different reason.
He pushes a hand through TK’s hair as he spares a moment to take him in, to remind himself that TK is alive and whole and loved as much as Carlos could possibly love anyone. “I’m always going to show you, baby,” he whispers before leaning down and kissing him just because he can then kissing him lower where his heart finally beats back in a calm rhythm underneath. “And I’m right here with you.”