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Serrit and Auckes strolled out of their lecture, and out toward the lawn, happy to be out in the fresh air. An hour was far too long to listen to some old fart drone on about any subject, especially when the two of them were a bit hungover.
Auckes threw his backpack down onto the grass and flopped down after it, sighing. Serrit watched him for a moment, considering him. He seemed happy enough to forget the way he’d been flirting last night, but Serrit wasn’t so sure the two of them could keep ignoring it.
‘Professor Mackinnon needs to learn when to stop flogging a dead horse. That lecture could have been half the length, or covered twice the material,’ Auckes grumbled.
‘Why do you keep flirting with me when we’re drunk?’ Serrit asked, ignoring Auckes’ ramblings. This was more important. The question had been left unanswered too long.
Interestingly, Auckes blushed as soon as he heard the question. He threw a hand over his eyes and tried to pretend he wasn’t, but Serrit could tell. Serrit had always been able to read Auckes better than anyone else. Right now, Auckes was embarrassed.
‘I can stop,’ he offered, pulling his hand away from his face. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to, y’know, make things weird or anything.’
‘You only ever do it when you’re drunk,’ Serrit said bluntly. It wasn’t the biggest problem Serrit had faced, but… well, it would be a little awkward if Auckes wanted to fuck Serrit.
‘I… uh… I’m bad at saying things I want to say,’ Auckes said, pointedly avoiding Serrit’s gaze. ‘It’s easier to say things when you’ve got a few drinks in you. Sorry. I’ll stop, I swear.’
‘I don’t get it though. What’s the point?’ Serrit asked.
That finally made Auckes look over. He looked completely bemused. Serrit wished it didn’t make him look as cute as it did.
‘What do you mean what’s the point?’ he squeaked.
‘I mean that I don’t get why you’re flirting with me. Surely there are other people you’d rather try it on with? There’s certainly plenty throwing themselves at you.’
Auckes stared for a moment, and Serrit wondered where, exactly, the confusion was.
“Why…? Wha…? Serrit, I like you,’ Auckes said, brow furrowed. ‘I’ve been flirting because I’m attracted to you. That’s… I… Did you not know that? Everyone’s been telling me how obvious I’ve been. I thought you knew, at least a little.’
It was Serrit’s turn to stare. This was… probably not good. It was pretty much the exact thing Serrit had feared, actually, because Auckes wanting to fuck Serrit was always going to be a bit of a problem. And now Serrit was going to have to explain why it was a problem.
‘Well, shit,’ Serrit said.
Auckes’ face closed off. His eyes showed his hurt and his disappointment, but the rest of his face dropped into dead neutral.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, ‘I know you don’t feel the same way about me. We can just forget I ever said anything.’
‘It’s not that I don’t like you... ‘ Serrit tried to explain, ‘It’s just that I don’t want you like that. I… Fuck. I… don’t want anyone like that.’
Auckes stopped babbling apologies and turned to stare at Serrit again. ‘What? Like, nobody nobody?’
‘Pretty much, yeah,’ Serrit said, shrugging. ‘It’s like… Okay, so, you like salami, right? And salami is great, and you enjoy eating salami. And I think salami is disgusting and gross and I don’t know why anyone would want to stick salami in any part of them because it’s messy and sticky and disgusting.’
Auckes looked deep in thought, but looked up to speak at that. ‘No flange. Not safe. Nobody should be sticking salami in them.’
Serrit blinked at him. ‘That’s… what?’
‘No flange. You know, the flared bit at the bottom of a butt plug that stops your arse sucking it in and then you have to go for a really embarrassing visit to A&E to explain to the hot nurse how you got something stuck up your butt? That’s what would happen if there wasn’t a flange. Salami has no flange. Therefore, salami should not go in the butt,’ Auckes explained.
‘I mean, the salami is a metaphor. I’m pretty sure your dick has a flange. It’s called the rest of you. But my point was that I don’t want your metaphorical salami anywhere near me, flanged or otherwise. I don’t like sex, Auckes.’
‘I mean, that’s fair,’ Auckes said, brows furrowed as he clearly tried to follow Serrit’s logic. ‘It can be kinda sticky, I suppose. I mean, I like sex, but I can see why other people might not.’
Serrit shrugged. ‘So, yeah, I have no fucks to give. Sorry to disappoint. It’s not that I mind the flirting, but you should probably know you won’t get anywhere with it.’
Auckes nodded. ‘Is… is it just sex?’ he asked. ‘I just… I like you. A lot. I can stop having sex, but I don’t think I can stop liking you. Sorry, I… You’re more than that, to me. I don’t… I don’t want things to be weird, but…’
‘You mean like kissing and stuff?’ Serrit asked, a little confused. This wasn’t how Serrit had expected this conversation to go, which was a little off-putting. Not necessarily in a bad way. Just a confusing way.
‘Like, dates and stuff,’ Auckes clarified, blushing again. ‘There doesn’t have to be kissing or anything. Just… going out together, and doing stuff. Dating stuff.’
‘You’ll get bored when I won’t have sex with you,’ Serrit predicted. He would. Serrit knew what he was like. He was always out on the pull, bringing people back to their shared flat and making obnoxious squelching noises at all hours of the night.
‘I’ve got two working hands,’ Auckes pointed out. ‘I’ve gone without sex before. I like it, but I don’t need it. I want to date you more than I want to have sex. Like, at all, not just with you.’
Serrit blinked at him again. ‘So, you’re willing to what, just never get laid again? Just because you wanna hang out with me more?’ That was… definitely something. Serrit wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but it was something.
‘It’s… it’s not just hanging out though, is it?’ Auckes said. ‘Like, we’d be dating. And we’d be together. As a couple. It’s different.’
‘And you’d be fine with that? Never having sex, just, being around each other and telling people we’re together, even though you won’t be getting any of the benefits most people expect from a relationship.’ Serrit didn’t know exactly why it seemed to important to stress the lack of sex. Auckes probably understood that part by now. It was just that most people, especially people as overtly sexual as Auckes, would be at the very least disappointed to hear that they wouldn’t get what they wanted from the person they had been hitting on.
‘You’re more important than that,’ Auckes said, looking a little sad, like he was figuring something out. ‘Has… has someone not been okay with that? Because that’s their problem, not yours. You’re… You shouldn’t feel like you have to have sex with someone for them to want to be with you. That’s not how relationships should work.’
‘I… I guess I just don’t understand,’ Serrit confessed, ‘I’m different and weird and most people don’t like that.’
‘I’m not most people, Serrit. I like you exactly the way you are. If you don’t like me back, that’s fine. But, if there’s a chance you’d want to try dating me, I want to give it a go,’ Auckes said, making earnest eye contact.
I do like you,’ Serrit mumbled, ‘I wouldn’t be… averse to dating you.’
‘Just no salami, right?’ Auckes said grinning.
‘No salami,’ Serrit agreed. ‘I’m reliably informed it doesn’t have a flange.’