Work Text:
~*~BEAUTIFUL (FUTURE) BOSS BROS~*~
Naomichi Marufuji
HEY all you handsome hunks and badass brawler bois have you ever considered taking control of your life and becoming your own boss?? Are you a go-getting, self-driven KING who is ready to take the plunge and cleanse your body, boost your bank account, and change your LIFE??? Do you dream of
Larger, firmer muscles, with visible results in less than 30 days?
Faster recovery times post-workout (More time for more reps, am I right boys????)
Softer, silkier hair that won’t tangle no matter how hard you sweat?
Sharper senses and a 37% BOOST to reaction times?
Smoother skin that resists bruising and heals three times as quick, no matter what you throw at it (tee hee, sorry about that!!)
I know what you’re thinking, surely this is all way too good to be true but I am living proof that it is NOT!! If you’re ready to take the plunge and jump-start your ROAD TO SUCCESS send a =P to know more XOXOXOXOXOXO
Katsuhiko Nakajima has left the chat
Masa Kitamiya
What the fuck is this
Kenoh
ITS A SCAM
FUCK YOU
Naomichi Marufuji
Looks like SOMEONE doesn’t want to live his best life
Nioh
are u serious...
Tadasuke
I want big muscles
=P
Kenoh
Don’t listen to him, he’s just hawking some weird supplement
Naomichi Marufuji has added Katsuhiko Nakajima to the chat
Naomichi Marufuji
How could anything that is all-natural, plant-based, and made entirely of ingredients you can pronounce be just some “weird supplement”?
HERBALLIANCE is 100% healthy, safe, and effective!!! What do you have to lose? An initial 60-day supply of our best-selling strength boost vitamins is only ¥8000 and by ordering through me, you’re supporting small businesses and helping a hot young entrepreneur build his future empire! XOXO
Haoh
Your 41
Thats not young
This is embarrassing
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Kenoh
Strychnine is all-natural and plant-based too, dumbass
Try supplementing THAT
Katsuhiko Nakajima has left the chat
Masa Kitamiya
Seems legit
Kenoh
NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS LEGIT!!!
Manabu Soya
Hey bros what did I miss
Naomichi Marufuji
Hey bestie want to tap into your body’s maximum POTENTIAL???
Kenoh
Its a pyramid scheme, Soya
Manabu Soya
Oh
Okay
Already got a good preworkout, sorry lol
Naomichi Marufuji
HERBALLIANCE is not a pyramid scheme, it’s an employment opportunity that can unshackle your life from daily office drudgery and let you become your own boss with HUGE EARNING POTENTIAL!!!
Kenoh
Yeah and how much of that “earning potential” goes to your recruiters…
Nioh
none of us have office jobs.
you know that right?
Masa Kitamiya
Yeah...
Nioh has left the chat
Tadasuke
Tell me more
Kenoh
TADASUKE NO
NO
LISTEN TO ME
N
O
Naomichi Marufuji
So excited to hear that you’re looking to take the plunge towards POWER and SUCCESS!!!!
Our basic-level consultant package will only cost you ¥120000 but if you really want to invest in your personal business empire, I recommend the HERBALLIANCE ultimate consultant package for a low fee of ¥300000, which includes an exclusive invite to our biweekly VIP video lecture series about MAXIMIZING profits and TURBOCHARGING your personal brand
As a HERBALLIANCE consultant you also get a 60% discount on any HERBALLIANCE supplements and 45% off any of our premium protein shakes!
Masa Kitamiya
Fuuuuuuck that’s expensive dude
Naomichi Marufuji
Think of it as a downpayment on your dreams
Masa Kitamiya
Okay
Kenoh
NOT OKAY
Manabu Soya
I knew a guy whose uncle did this Herballiance stuff. Heard he got this pretty sweet Nissan GT-R out of it.
Tadasuke
Damn!!!
Masa Kitamiya
OMG
Naomichi Marufuji
At HERBALLIANCE, our platinum-level consultants are eligible for plenty of amazing rewards for their commitment to high sales and higher support of their own sales teams. And yes, that includes some really spectacular (and sexy) sports cars!
Kenoh
…
With support of their sales teams, huh
How is this not a pyramid scheme
Naomichi Marufuji
HERBALLIANCE is about flexibility and freedom
YOU are in control of your business
YOU can decide how to build your fortune
If you chose to recruit a downline that is up to YOU!!
Kenoh
And how much of a fortune have you built
I know you’re not driving a GT-R
Masa Kitamiya
I mean
His Escalade is pretty cool
Kenoh
Don’t encourage him
Naomichi Marufuji
You’re just jealous of my success
Kenoh
…
Have fun losing all your money to a fucking supplement scam
Kenoh has left the chat
Tadasuke
Hey Soya, tell me more about your friend’s uncle’s GT-R
Manabu Soya
I think he had to sell it because he couldn’t afford the licensing fees or something.
Tadasuke
Man, that sucks bro
Masa Kitamiya
Should have sold it to me
Naomichi Marufuji
You know what doesn’t suck, though? Getting geared up to start hustling with HERBALLIANCE! If you sign up with my consultant link, you’ll receive a 20% discount on whichever startup package you choose, plus an additional 5% off if you use my exclusive best-bros coupon code HYSTERIC98 !!
www.herballiance.biz/marufujinaomichi/consult
Naomichi Marufuji has left the chat
Masa Kitamiya
So…
Is anyone gonna buy his supplements
Manabu Soya
Lol
Tadasuke
I mean, I know I’d look fucking dope in a GT-R
Manabu Soya
Just buy the car dude
Tadasuke
I don’t have the money to sell the supplements
And that’s like
The car costs like fifty times that
FML
Tadasuke has left the chat
Manabu Soya
You know
I think Sugiura’s guys are selling body wraps now
But for like
Bulking and shit
Masa Kitamiya
For real??
Manabu Soya
Yeah bro
Masa Kitamiya
Damn
How do we get in his group chat