Chapter Text
Johnny groaned at the obnoxious beeping, reaching out to slap his hand down on the alarm clock. Then he grabbed hold of it and threw it off the nightstand. It hit the carpet with a crunch, and he sighed. The beeping went silent, but he knew he was going to regret breaking the alarm clock tomorrow when he had to get up early. Rolling onto his back, he rubbed at his eyes then blinked up at the ceiling. He was having that dream again, before the alarm woke him.
“Idiot,” Johnny muttered, scowling as the self-hatred swept through him. Why was he so stupid back then? Shaking his head, he climbed out of his bed. There was no point in dwelling on it. What happened, happened. He made a ton of bad decisions back then, and as much as he regretted one of those decisions, he knew in the end it was probably for the best. He couldn’t do anything about it now anyway. They were a country apart now. He simply had to live with that.
Johnny made his way into the bathroom to relieve himself, wash up, and brush his teeth. Still only wearing a pair of boxers, he headed into the kitchen, making a quick breakfast of oatmeal with a glass of orange juice. He checked the time then the schedule that was written down in a planner sitting out on the counter. It was a little past seven, and Bobby’s mass wouldn’t start until eight. Johnny had plenty of time to get dressed and drive out to his church. He still wasn’t a big believer in the whole god thing, but he went because it meant getting to spend a bit of time with Bobby every week after mass was finished.
Johnny returned to his room and pulled on a pair of jeans, starting to fade from use, and a simple black dress shirt. He tried to put in an effort to look decent at mass, for Bobby’s sake. After another quick stop in the bathroom, running his hands through his hair to tame his locks, he left his apartment, carrying a rectangular box and his gym bag with him. The drive went fairly quickly, blasting some good old hits from the 80’s the whole way.
When he arrived, Johnny hurried up to the big double doors and held one open for a little old lady walking in. Mrs. Simmons was a kind lady, and sometimes, she gave him a tin of homemade cookies at Christmas time. Once inside, he found his usual spot to sit, off to the side and near the back and well away from everyone. Bobby always tried to encourage him to sit with the rest of the congregation, to become a part of the whole community. Johnny was just fine not doing that. He didn’t care for all that hand holding shit they did during prayers.
Settling back against the pew, Johnny thought back to the dream from that morning, which he probably shouldn’t be remembering in church given the nature of said dream. He wished he remembered that night better, but even the fragments of it made his face feel hot. Sometimes, he thought maybe that whole night was only a dream, because it didn’t feel real. But he was certain it happened. He remembered waking up the next morning curled up around a warm body. He shifted on the pew and tried to put it out of his mind again before he embarrassed himself.
The mass ended, and Johnny stood, passing the wave of people leaving the church. Bobby smiled and shook hands with people as they left. Johnny hung back, leaning against the front row pew until it was only him and Bobby.
“Good to see you, Johnny.” Bobby drew him into a big hug, like always.
Johnny rolled his eyes. “We see each other every Sunday.”
“A lot can happen in a week.” Bobby led the way to his office, and Johnny followed. “Are you keeping to your promise?” He took his seat behind his fancy desk.
One of the photos on his desk was of them and the other Cobras, after they were ex-Cobras. Bobby’s mother had taken it one day while they were hanging out at his house on the weekend toward the end of senior year. Johnny couldn’t remember why he was smiling in the picture. It didn’t feel like he had much to smile about at that point in his life. He knew that wasn’t true. He had reasons to be happy, but it was easy to fall back into thinking his life was worthless.
Johnny eased into the chair opposite Bobby. “Of course, I am. Six years sober.” It was still a strange thing to him, and more often than not, he still had an itch to grab a Coors Banquet and drink until he passed out. When it got almost overwhelming, he remembered his promise to his mother. She wouldn’t have gotten herself checked out if he hadn’t promised to quit drinking. He had worried about her for a while, and after visiting the doctor, they managed to catch the breast cancer early enough. Just because she was in good health now, it didn’t mean he could go back on his promise.
He was also trying to make better decisions, having too many past regrets.
Bobby smiled proudly. “That’s great, Johnny! We should really celebrate how well you’ve been doing sometime. The other guys would love that.”
Johnny smiled. They didn’t get to see a lot of each other, especially all of them together. “Yeah, that would be awesome. I heard Jimmy’s got some little ones now.”
Bobby nodded. “I got to meet them a couple of days ago. He’s such a proud dad.” When Johnny’s smile faltered slightly, Bobby immediately caught it. “You’ve mentioned before you wanted to be a dad. But I haven’t heard you talk about dating anyone since Shannon.”
Johnny snorted. “And wasn’t that a great choice?” He sighed, slouching down in the chair. “I knew that wasn’t going to work from the beginning. But the other stuff worked out pretty well with her.”
Bobby grimaced. “Yeah, we all kind of saw that the relationship was kind of toxic. Are you sure you weren’t looking for something that was doomed to fail?”
Johnny glared. “Why would I do that?”
Bobby squinted like he could read through Johnny’s defenses right into his heart. “Regret, maybe?”
Johnny scoffed and turned his gaze away.
“Johnny,” Bobby sighed, “I know something happened years ago, but you still won’t talk about it.”
“There’s really nothing to talk about.” Johnny hunched up his shoulders. “Now, are we going to grab some food?”
“It’s not a bad thing to talk about your feelings.” Bobby frowned when he didn’t get some kind of big reveal out of Johnny. “You know all that shit Kreese drilled down our throats was bull shit.”
“They let you be a priest when you talk like that?” Johnny smirked cockily.
“Pastor,” Bobby corrected with a tired sigh. “You must be doing this on purpose at this point.” Then he laughed, shaking his head as the smirk stayed on Johnny’s face. They left the church together, heading to a nearby diner that Bobby liked. The burgers were all right, so Johnny didn’t complain too much.
After eating, Johnny said his goodbye to Bobby, promising to be back next Sunday. Then he got into his car and drove away from the church. He tried to keep his breathing deep and even as he made his way to the big houses in Encino. This part of his weekend was a bit of a mix. He hated being there. Encino barely even felt like home when he was living there, and he hated having to be anywhere near Sid, even after all the time living on his own. Sid never missed the chance to make him feel like he was a teen again, making him feel small and unworthy. It made him angry that Sid could still have that kind of effect on him.
His mother was the only reason he came around here anymore.
Johnny pulled into the long driveway and parked. He took a deep breath to center himself, hoping this would be one of the times Sid actually wasn’t home. Then he grabbed the box and climbed out of the car. His mother was standing on the doorstep before he even walked up to it. She smiled at him, pulling him into a hug with one arm as she kissed his cheek.
“My handsome boy!” She took the box from him. “You spoil me with these cupcakes.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you trying to make me fat?”
Johnny laughed, shaking his head as he followed her into the house. “You survived breast cancer, mom. You deserve a little treat now and then.”
She pinched his cheek. “Only if you have one with me.”
“Of course.” Johnny followed her into the dining room where they sat on the sofa. When he didn’t see any evidence of Sid being around, he relaxed.
“How has work been?” His mother leaned forward, placing the box down on the table. She lifted the lid of the box and grinned when she saw the cupcakes with little bat and spider sprinkles decorating the icing. “Oh, the pumpkin ones! You know how I love those ones the best.”
Johnny couldn’t help smiling while his mother happily bit into one of the cupcakes, getting a bit of the buttercream icing stuck to her upper lip. “Work has been good. Keeping busy.” He took one of the cupcakes for himself. Chocolate with a gooey raspberry filling.
“That’s good. I’m so proud of you.” She set down what was left of her cupcake and picked up a napkin to clean off her hands and mouth. “Of course, I never want to pressure you, but you haven’t mentioned anything about dating.” She arched one elegant eyebrow as she frowned, concerned for his happiness.
Johnny shrugged. “I’ve been focused on work, and no one’s really sparked my interest. You and Bobby really need to stop being so concerned about my love life. I’m happy right now.”
“I know.” She smiled sweetly, reaching up to place her hand on his cheek. “But as your mother, it’s my job to worry about you. I know I haven’t shown you the best when it comes to relationships. Your father leaving, and Sid.” She sighed, lowering her gaze, her sorrow stinking up the air.
“Mom,” Johnny took hold of her hand, “I know you were doing the best you could in a rotten situation. Sid is a piece of shit, and you deserved so much better than him. But trust me, that has nothing to do with why I’m not dating. If anything, it’s my own issues. Ever since Ali, it’s just been one fuck up after another when it comes to relationships.”
Maybe there was something wrong with him. Maybe Sid and Kreese had fucked him up too much to form a real relationship. Maybe Bobby was right and he was purposely seeking out relationships that would never work out. Johnny just couldn’t understand why that would be.
“Can we just leave the topic of my love life off the table?” Johnny frowned at the sad look his mother was giving him. “I haven’t given up on finding someone, but I’m just not interested in going out of my way to search for someone right now either.”
His mother’s eyes were kind as she brushed her fingers through his hair. “I just always imagined you’d be settling down and having your own little ones by now.” She reached forward and picked up the remaining half of her cupcake. “Now, tell me more about how work is going. No problems with Shannon?” She lifted her eyebrow as she took another bite.
Johnny shook his head, a ghost of a smile on his face. “Not since she finally sat down and we talked and figured out we were better as just friends and business partners.”
His mother nodded. “Maybe you just weren’t right for each other when you met. Sometimes, you both need time to grow before realizing someone is actually the one for you. Neither of you were in a very good place when you dated.”
Johnny knew his mother was talking about Shannon, but his thoughts turned to someone else and a night that was only a distant memory now. “I thought we were moving away from my love life.” He landed a pointed glare at his mother.
“Okay.” She smiled as she lifted her hands in surrender. “That’s the last I’ll talk about it. So, how was Bobby?”
“Same as always.” Johnny licked some icing off his thumb. “Annoying about my love life too. But he wants to have a little celebration for my six years of sobriety. Jimmy might even bring his kids.”
His mother smiled wide and proud. “I’m so happy you’ve kept up with that. You’ve been so much happier.” Her eyes twinkled, and Johnny knew the mention of kids had caught her interest.
“You’re more than welcomed to come to it,” Johnny pointed out, though she should know she didn’t even need the invitation. “And I doubt I would have lasted this long without you and Bobby helping me out.”
They chatted for a while longer, his mother telling him about her last doctor’s visit. Everything was still looking good. She blathered on and on about all the various social gatherings and business parties she attended. Johnny thought they sounded horribly boring, but he kept silent about his opinions. His mother was happy, and he wasn’t going to spoil that.
Johnny kissed her on the cheek as he left, making his escape before Sid came home. He hit the gym and went for a jog then stopped by the grocery store on his way back to his apartment. After putting away the groceries, he took another shower, knowing Shannon would complain if he showed up still stinking and sweaty to dinner. He gathered up all his dirty laundry and dumped them into the washer, setting it to run while he was gone. Then he grabbed his planner on the way out the door.
As he drove, Johnny checked the directions to the place Shannon picked. He never heard of the restaurant, but Shannon talked excitedly about trying the place out. Johnny rolled his eyes when he rolled into a parking space at a lot down the street. Snatching up the planner from the passenger’s seat, he climbed out of the car and walked to the restaurant. Piccolo Albero was written in elegant script with a tree motif on the sign. It looked like a little hole in the wall type place, nestled in between two other, larger, businesses.
Opening the door, Johnny was met with a lot of greenery. But there was a homey feeling in the cozy little space. He didn’t have much time to relish in the feeling of it before Shannon appeared, dragging him over to a table. There were more tables in the restaurant than Johnny would have guessed given the limited space, and most of them were already taken. Apparently, the restaurant was doing fairly well. A waitress came by, dressed simply in a white dress shirt and black slacks, to drop off menus for them to look over. Johnny hoped the food was good.