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The dust under your feet kicks up as you come to a sudden, dead stop at the sound of the familiar, smooth voice of your ex, Erwin Smith. You’ve done well avoiding him this long- a little over a year and a half now if you're remembering correctly and you thought you’d moved on, you convinced yourself you had but hearing his voice brings it all back, like a bad movie you can’t stop watching and wishing for a better end. The punch line repeating in your head as he comes into your view; “You’ll never be more important than my dream.”
Of course, you had always known that. It was crystal clear from the moment you fell for him, hell- it was part of the reason you fell; you loved Erwins determination to see his dreams through no matter the price. You wanted to believe you could handle that, being second to his dreams but being second meant at some point, he would choose his dream and job over you. The realization that was happening came slowly, or maybe it was there all along and you were just blind to it. Either way, the end of your relationship hurt, killed you a little on the inside.
Erwin wasn’t an easy man to get over. Borderline perfection in almost every way to his gorgeous looks, incredible mind and even though he doesn’t show it often, his big, loving heart; a man truly worth spending the rest of your days with and giving your whole heart to. You tried with every ounce of your being to forget the moments when he gave you all of his love, all he had to offer and then some. You truly can’t remember the last time those moments sat in the front of your mind but somehow it’s all you can think of as his cerulean eyes catch yours.
Your breath catches, heart beat drumming loudly through your ears, eyes widening when he excuses himself from his raven haired companion and starts to make his way over to you. You want to move, run and never look back but your body is frozen, only able to move your eyes from his defined features to the stone floor.
“____,” he calls for your attention once he’s standing in front of you. “Where are you headed? I’ll escort you there.” He doesn’t question why you’re at the Scouts Headquarters, he’d heard you had taken a job with the Reeves company shortly after your break up. He hasn’t necessarily been hoping to run into you- a blind man could see you were avoiding him, but he knew if the chance came, he wanted to take it. He never wanted what might be your last encounter to be him breaking your heart and for over a year the thought has lingered and guilted his mind. He only did what he thought was best for you; you deserved a man who could give you more, who could put you above all else, who you could spend your life with. It hurt him just as much as it hurt you to leave.
“No,” you answer coldly, looking up to meet his eyes. He towers over you and you might be intimidated if it weren’t for the soft expression on his face, his desperate attempt to make this encounter pleasant, trying to let you know he means well. “I know my way.”
You step to the side, trying to walk past him but he extends his arm to block you. Your heart skips at the contact and you feel the tears beginning to swell in your eyes. You can’t bring yourself to look at him.
“I insist.”
“I said no Erwin,” you argue, glaring up at him. “What are you trying to do? I don’t have anything to say to you.”
Your words sting but they’re not unexpected. He doesn’t know what to say to get you to agree so he chooses to be honest, even if he thinks it might only make it worse. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.” He averts his eyes from yours.
“Why? Does it really matter to you?” Your voice cracks and you hate yourself for it, gods why can’t you just run away.
“Well, yes.” He speaks softly, his arm falling to his side. Even though you’re not looking back, you can feel his eyes on you. “I’ll always care..”
“You’ll always care, right..” You bite the bottom of your lip, choking back a sob even though it’s a lost cause, your resolve is breaking. “You just couldn’t love me enough, could you?” It comes out in a whisper.
“____… It was never that I didn’t lo-” He reaches out for you but you quickly pull away, backing away as fast as you can until you're out of his reach.
“I’ve heard it all before Erwin,” you say through tears. “And if it’s all true like you claim then tell me.. how much does it hurt knowing you lost me?” Does it hurt as bad as it does for me? Though that doesn’t leave your mouth, you can’t bring yourself to say outloud how badly you’re hurting even though it’s painted all over your face.
He can’t bring himself to say anything. He wants to be as vulnerable as you are, as you always have been but he can’t; the words, the feelings won't leave him.
The silence rips your heart in two, you need to get out of here before you make an even bigger fool of yourself. “That’s what I thought,” the last words you say before you walk away in tears, not looking back.