Work Text:
How can I say no?
That I don't want to go on
If she gives her life for me
How can I say I'm leaving?
Without hurting her
If she gives her life for me
I had never wanted to break her heart. Only he and God knew the truth, the least he wanted in life was to hurt her. He wanted to excuse his selfishness by feeling lonely and unloved. Steve was aware that he would cause her a wound if he continued in her life. Most people he cared about got hurt, but he refused to let her go, he hoped she would tell him that the relationship wasn't going to last or that he wasn't enough. He didn't have the courage to leave her.
Steve knew she loved him like he had never been loved before or could ever love anyone in his entire life. No one cared for him and protected him as if he were a crystal goblet. No one on earth or in the universe would ever guard him with the passion and dedication she had, he would be blind not to notice. From the moment he first saw her she was ready to give her life for him. Before he really knew her, when she was just an agent following orders, she was ready to die for him.
I wish she was the one to tell me that this is the end of the line.
That someone new would come along because I'm not capable
I wish she could understand that this is not my fault
It's not my fault and that she knows how to forgive me
That when love goes away, it goes away and goes away
His heart contracted as he remembered when it was only Kate, the pretty nurse who lived in the apartment next to his, tried to save him by brightening his life like a sun. When he came in from a difficult mission, was more melancholy than usual, had a bad day or just felt tired she would find a way to erase those gloomy feelings. Kate would bump into him casually, they would talk about something trivial, he would order some food delivery because he was a disaster in the kitchen and most importantly she would give him a smile so full of vitality that it would erase his woes. What he didn't know was that Sharon was there helping him, no matter what for her work environment she would be like demoted from her rank. When everyone wanted her head as a trophy, the blonde wouldn't have it, even if they gave her direct orders. Sharon refused to follow any orders against her. after Steve's speech, she was happy with her position. Maybe that position of supporting him, even though everyone was against him, was because it was in her DNA or because she would give her life for him.
Her life was peaceful with a fixed goal. To find her old comrade in arms and friend James Barnes. The days passed like the current of a river, his search was fruitless until he didn't have to look anymore. things were getting difficult for him and the team, people were not very happy with his efforts for a better world. Thinking things couldn't get any more downhill the team was splitting up, those he considered his allies turned their backs on him, his one great love had died and Bucky had shown up only to be blamed for terrorism.
How to say no to him?
That I don't want to go on (yah)
If she gives her life for me
How can I say I'm leaving?
Without me hurting her, ohh
If she gives her life for me
Then at the moment when all was lost and he couldn't find a way out she appeared, like a guardian angel. She was giving him words of encouragement like a song of the Greek muses inviting him not to give up and offering her help as a faithful ally again. Sharon owed him nothing, but still she was giving her life for him again. She didn't want to keep being close to his life every time she was she knew she would get hurt. she could never give him what he deserved.
When they joined their lips in a soft, sincere kiss, he realized that she had chosen him as her life plan. He was unable to ask her to join him because he took advantage enough. When it was all over he would look for her, if he made it out of this alive.
After the battle with Tony he realized his selfishness, also that he did not have a very pleasant future. Now he was one of the most wanted fugitives. Maybe they would call him a coward, but he could never give her anything but pain or a quiet life. If she was by his side he would find no one new and possibly no mercy from the government. So he made the tough decision to walk away, but deep down he knew he wasn't the real reason for that decision.
Mistakes come with consequences, she knew, but it didn't stop her heart from aching as she watched the recording. She hadn't survived the snap. What hurt him most about that recording, aside from her death, is how changed she was. she wasn't the same girl as simple as that. her walk was rougher, her gaze was cold, the way she fought was aggressive and god, her voice no longer had that melody of hope. While the pardon freed him from the burden of his crimes of betrayal, it did not free him from breaking a heart by abandoning her. He would not be able to reverse the damage he caused her, he could only make sure he did not cause her any more pain by being honest.
Mistakes come with consequences
Breaking a heart is also a crime
What's the use of going on just to keep up appearances
The relationship is dead anymore, it's already lost its resistance
Temptation has won, evil has separated us
Why go on fighting when there's no reason anymore?
Don't waste your time, mommy in conclusion
I'd rather be honest than break your heart
The battle against Thanos was over, everyone was back. He knew she wouldn't be the same and that he was the one who caused that. It was his mistake not to tell her at the time that he felt confused and lonely, that he regretted not being brave and helping her, that he was a coward. He had ended up damaging the friendly relationship they could have had if he had spoken up. He just did the only thing his cowardly heart cried out to him. He got on the platform and went back to the only time where he thought he would feel better. It was selfish, but he'd already left her behind when he needed her most. Disappearing from his life couldn't be worse, trying to get back the relationship he didn't even try to build would be too hard. So she chose the easy way out, living a utopia she didn't deserve, her only consolation was that she would find a person who knew how to love her and that no matter how brainwashed she was, the demon of the guilt of leaving her behind would never give her peace.