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Logically, Nino knew what was wrong.
He’d stayed up way too late, and his brain was too tired to operate rationally. Also, he hadn’t eaten enough today — well, technically, yesterday, since it was past midnight. Kagami and Adrien had been so busy, he hadn't even seen them all day, and it was harder to stay on a schedule when he was left alone in the apartment. Especially now, in the grayest part of January, when he felt sluggish no matter what he did. Shoot- he'd forgotten to go outside, too. Had he taken his Vitamin D supplements at all in the past week? His memory was foggy, and trying to remember made him panic, so he pushed that down and tried to think rationally again.
It did all make sense, rationally speaking. He was dehydrated and hangry and tired, and short on sunlight, and he’d spent way too much time refreshing every social media app on his phone, instead of sleeping.
He knew all that.
Unfortunately, it was difficult to blame the awful way he felt on rational things, and even harder to trust that doing something rational — like sleeping — would make anything better, not when every thought that ran through his mind hurt so much.
Adrien was… Adrien was fine, probably. He’s been really busy all week, and was acting weird about it, but it was fine , it was okay . Adrien was a grown-up, too. He didn’t have to give a detailed explanation every time he wanted to leave the apartment. He didn’t.
And Alya was definitely sleeping. She woke up at eight her time, which was nine his time, which was hours away. Plus, she had classes on Tuesday mornings, anyway. She wouldn’t be able to talk to him until lunch, at the earliest, and she had friends at her university who she’d want to hang out with. Which was
good
. He wanted her to have fun. He’d be genuinely happy for her as soon as he could tear himself away from scrolling through their old texts for long enough to sleep. And then eat breakfast in the morning. And then drag himself outside, which wouldn't even help because it sounded like it was raining, so he'd missed his chance. But that didn't matter right now. All he needed was sleep.
He just needed sleep. He just...
Unfortunately, sleep didn’t seem like it was going to happen tonight. He gently threw his phone, so it landed at the foot of his mattress, and closed his eyes tightly, but that only made the gross-exhausted feelings worsen.
So, rather than sleeping, he settled for curling into a ball on top of his mattress, staring at the wooden floorboards, and trying cry as quietly as possible
He was interrupted by footsteps and the soft thump of a plastic cup hitting the wooden floor. He twisted around to see a cup of water right next to the mattress, with Kagami standing next to it. When had she gotten back?
She made some nervous clicking sounds and then slammed her hand over her mouth to silence herself.
“Tears can dehydrate you,” she said, with a customer service smile on her face. Even with tear streaked vision, and without his glasses, in the dark, Nino could see the way her hands flexed and twitched, and the way she was rhythmically tapping the toes of one foot against the opposite ankle. She was overflowing with nervous energy, though she’d seem fine to anyone who didn’t know her.
Nino fumbled for the water glass, almost knocking it over.
“You should sit up... so you don’t choke,” Kagami said.
“Thanks.” He meant for his tone of voice to be joking, but it was the first time he’d spoken all day, so it came out more grumbly than anything else.
“Of course.” Her voice was suddenly infused with plastic cheerfulness. It made him feel uneasy.
After a moment, her smile dropped. She sat down, and tripped over her own limbs in the process, which was unusual for her. She steadied herself, looking frustrated.
“Sorry, I know you don't like..." Her voice faded to background noise. Nino was too tired to begin to argue with her stupid standards for trying to make everyone happy. "...but that was just habit, I promise. I worked late last night and I’m still in barista-mode.”
“Did you even sleep?”
“It’s five o’clock. I always wake up at this time,” she said defensively, which wasn’t an answer. His train of thought was still moving too sluggishly to argue, though. He hated that.
“I should probably just get up too, then.” He moved to try and stand up, but he was so wobbly he immediately flopped back down.
“No,” Kagami said. Her tone of voice was still confident, but her gaze was fixed firmly at the ground, and she was twisting her fingers into the blankets. “It feels better at first to stay up all night, but it’s much better for your body and mind if you sleep a little. You’ll feel tired when you wake up, but it’s better than crashing later. Trust me.” Those last words stood out in their softness and sincerity. She almost sounded like she was about to cry. Nino wished he was awake enough to process that and react appropriately.
“Well, I’m not sleeping anyway, so I think it’s better to get up than to just lay here.” He finally managed to prop himself up on his arm so he was sitting, and took a sip of water. He'd spent yesterday alone; he'd hate to waste time when Kagami was actually here.
“No. I could…” Kagami trailed off.
She didn’t stutter or use filler words. She never did; she just took unnervingly long pauses. This time, though, it seemed like she had completely frozen.
“You could what?” Nino asked.
She started hyperventilating audibly for a second, but caught herself quickly, and forced herself to look directly into Nino’s eyes. Her gaze was extra unnerving when she was sitting so close to him.
“If it will help, then we can cuddle.”
“Oh, uh, sure-”
“Platonically.” Kagami corrected hastily. “As friends.” She looked like she wanted to say more, but started hyperventilating again. “Only if you want to, you don’t have to...”
“Do you want to?” Nino asked. “Because you sound really uncomfortable.”
She seemed suddenly startled by how close they were, and scooted backward.
“Yes, I want to,” she finally said. She sounded almost guilty. “Is that okay?”
Nino drank some more water, trying to clear the grogginess from his mind.
“Is what okay? You wanting to snuggle?”
She nodded, backing away slightly further. He didn’t know why she was so stressed all of a sudden. They’d fallen asleep while cuddling on the couch all the time. She made a few more clicking noises with her tongue and snapped her fingers nervously.
“Shut up,” she whispered, pressing her hands against her back. “Sorry, I was talking to myself, not to you.”
“You…” Nino stopped himself. One issue at a time. “Of course it’s okay if you want to snuggle? You’re allowed to want things.”
She nodded firmly, though she didn’t look any less anxious.
“And yeah, if you want to cuddle right now, that might help me fall asleep.”
“Yeah… yes.” Kagami tapped her fingers on the floor, and then slapped her hand to stop herself.
“Just, tell me if you’re uncomfortable.”
“Of course.” She flashed another fake smile, which made Nino’s gut twist. Then, with deliberate, calculated motions, she sat right next to him on the mattress and pulled him into a hug.
Instantly, he felt a thousand times sleepier again. Against his will, and against any logic, his crying restarted, too. His head felt too heavy, so he had to bury his face in Kagami’s shoulder, shaking. He heard her muttering something softly, and felt her shifting them until his head hit the pillow.
When he woke up, it was past noon, and Kagami was gone.