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💚 Winter 2021 💚
He never sends things like this anymore, she thinks, eyeing the folder on the screen with a dubious expression. It’s been years since she’s received these types of files. He’s gotten so busy, it’s difficult for him to find the time for a phone call, let alone to send her photos that she’ll surely see on Weibo or a billboard later. It’s this more than anything else that makes her so eager to open the unexpected message from her son.
When her little boy had first “hit it big” and earned a spot in a singing group, Yibo had sent these types of messages all the time. Folders full of video clips taken at a practice or performance, and every promotional photo from the first year or so of his career. And once he’d gotten into modeling and doing ads, Yibo would send her those pictures too, knowing she would fawn over them and tell him how handsome he looked.
Not that he needed to hear it — there were always plenty of people around willing to stroke his ego and point out the obvious. He had always been a beautiful child. But, she likes to think, he would always want his mother’s reassurance more than anyone else. She must have done something right, in those few early years she’d had with him. No matter how far he travels or how bright the spotlights become, Yibo is a good son. He always stays connected to his family, and he focuses on the things in life that are important.
And the most important part of his life for the past few years has not been his career, or his rising fame, or the money and connections that it brings him. It’s a new member of the family, the person he’s put at the center of his world and loves more than anything else.
She clicks on the link in the email, then types in the password to the server that he’s sent earlier by text. She can’t help but think it’s all a bit much, like something out of a spy movie, but given her son’s popularity and the issues he’s had with hackers before, she assumes Yibo knows better than she does what precautions he needs to take.
Whatever he’s sent must be important or dangerous if it gets out, she thinks and then wonders if he’s sent photos of the two of them together. She has a few she’s printed and put up in the house, which makes her son smile brightly whenever he visits, and one secretly saved on her phone (that he would kill her over if he ever found out about it.) It’s strange to see how much fame has made her outspoken son so paranoid, but then again, he has more than his own reputation and career to protect now.
She clicks on the generic name of the first file, which opens into a new screen with her Yibo in high definition. It’s obviously from a high-end photoshoot, the type of artistic pose popular in fashion magazines. He looks amazing, of course, with his pale skin a stark contrast to the mostly black clothing. It’s nice, but for a second she can’t understand the significance — until the rings on his hand catch her eye.
*****
💚 December 2018 💚
She could still hardly believe it — Yibo had brought someone home to meet them. The last time that had happened was before he’d left for Korea, when he’d been barely a teen and tugged some sweet little girl from school into her kitchen. Yet the level of interest he’d shown in that poor classmate was but a tiny spark compared to the light in her son’s eyes now.
She didn’t care that it was a boy. Truth be told, she’d wondered for years about the type of person Yibo would end up with. He had always been a little… different. When he’d left home and done so much growing up away from them, it was even more apparent in the rare times he came home. There were so many excuses for why he couldn’t date, but it seemed to her that he simply had no use for girls. Even that little Cheng Xiao, who he was so often paired with, was only ever treated like an annoying meimei. But get him talking about his UNIQ geges and he’d never shut up about them.
So it was no real surprise to her that Yibo had taken up with a boy. He was a lot older though, and that was worrying. Her husband had blustered and made a bit of a fuss, but eventually his heart gave way. Yibo was his son, his beautiful and successful only child, and having a boyfriend didn’t change that.
Their son had always let his heart lead the way, and it had yet to fail him. He’d been a success at everything he set his mind to. They had to trust that his heart had once again pulled him in the right direction.
It was Christmas, and though they didn’t celebrate it, both Yibo and Xiao Zhan had a few days off at the same time and had met in Luoyang to come visit. From the moment Xiao Zhan walked into her home, it was obvious that he was very special.
He was incredibly handsome, of course. She had looked him up after they’d talked with Yibo on the phone, but it still hadn’t prepared her for the man’s face. He was possibly the only person she’d ever met that could match her son’s beauty — though her Yibo, of course, was more handsome. And Xiao Zhan was so tall! Even taller than her son, and if she stood too close she would have to crane her neck nearly straight up to see him! And too thin, just like her boy — though Yibo would always assure her that was normal. Everyone had to stay lean for the cameras, he said. She couldn’t help but think Xiao Zhan looked a bit like a city skyscraper, so tall and lean that a strong wind might blow him over.
To her and her husband he was incredibly polite, nearly too much, but so sweet and endearing that she couldn’t help but be enamored with him. He was a perfect guest: making polite conversation, complimenting the meal, asking thoughtful questions and answering every question they asked with an open, honest manner.
Yet for all his seeming perfection, she couldn’t help but wonder how this boy could end up with her rough-edged, sometimes too-blunt son. On the surface, they didn’t seem to be a match.
But the second day, Xiao Zhan seemed to have relaxed somewhat. He had an easy smile and couldn’t seem to hide it around her son. Everything Yibo said or did seemed to interest him or make him laugh. They tussled and teased one another, using playful (and crude) banter when they thought she was out of earshot. It was nice, seeing her son have a companion like that — someone whose company he so obviously enjoyed. She knew his life was full of meetings and events and schedules with people who came and went and mattered little. He worked so hard. Money was important, but it was good to see him getting to experience the things in life that really mattered.
On the couch together looking at something on a phone, they were like two cats curled around each other so tightly you couldn’t tell where one stopped and the other began. Xiao Zhan glanced up and startled when he noticed her watching, then tried to pull away and put polite distance between them. She couldn’t help but smile as Yibo tightened an arm around the older boy, still engrossed in the tiny screen but unwilling to let him slip away even an inch. Xiao Zhan seemed embarrassed and whispered quietly in her son’s ear.
Yibo looked up warily, then relaxed at her easy expression. He turned back to Xiao Zhan with a crooked grin. “She might as well get used to it.”
“Why’s that?” Xiao Zhan asked, his tone playful. “Are you planning to cuddle on the couch with every boy you bring to your parents’ house?”
“Just one,” Yibo said, and her heart nearly melted at the way her boy looked at the other. “You know I don’t give up the things I love easily.”
He had always been decisive. From the time he was young, Yibo either liked something or he didn’t — there was no in between. And like his father, once he found something worth his time and interest, he wasn’t likely to let it go. She knew, without a doubt in her mind, Yibo would never let go of this boy by choice.
She could only hope Xiao Zhan was mature enough to see what he had and to recognize how rare and dear it was.
“Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to pet a needy stray?” she asked, walking over to ruffle her baby’s hair as he barked a laugh. “You’re stuck with him now, Xiao Zhan!”
As she went to leave the room, she caught the older boy gazing at her son, and his soft response, “I’m okay with that.”
Oh, he’s a goner, too, she thought as her eyes watered with happy tears. At only twenty-one, her son had given his heart away.
She was glad it’s being well taken care of.
*****
💚 Winter 2021 💚
There’s only one other person in the world who can understand what Yibo is saying in these pictures — and likely the only other person he sent them to.
She opens WeChat on her phone, clicking the name of the woman who’s become a trusted friend over the last year or so.
Did you see them? Has he sent you the pictures?
The reply from Xiao Zhan’s mother comes quickly.
I did! So handsome! And then a moment later — I see he found a way to bring ZhanZhan into them too. So bold to wear both sets of their rings like that!
Not too bold. She defended. Only their close ones will recognize them and know the significance.
I’m not sure about that! Some turtles have theories — and they are pretty accurate!
She can’t help but laugh out loud. Of course her friend can’t stay out of the Weibo supertopic — even though both of the boys had warned them they should avoid it. She can’t blame her, since she is also guilty of peeking at the group posts from time to time. She’s well aware their boys both kept an eye on it, and it was a nice space for them. When things are hard and they are apart, she knows how much that support means to her sons. And it’s nice to see so many other people who love them both, even if they couldn’t ever know the truth about their relationship and it was all just “pretend”.
I don’t think Yibo is very careful about who overhears things in Changsha, she admits in the responding text. And don’t you think some of those rumors sound like they came from Da-laoshi or Qian-laoshi?
I do!! ZhanZhan says many of their friends like to “feed the turtles.” He says he can’t read the rumors any more. It’s too frustrating trying to think about who else was with them and who might have written it.
Everyone just loves it when a new rumor gets posted. They like to hear about them being happy, she types back with a smile.
Yes. Hopefully they will notice his clue in the new pictures and see what he wants them to know. Did you see there are over three million now?
Three million. Three million people, supporting the relationship of two men. In China. She would have never believed it to be possible.
*****
❤ January 2019 ❤
She thought it was impossible.
How could anyone love her son as much as she did? And how could a man hold enough affection in his heart to come even close to a mother’s love?
When Xiao Zhan had told her that he’d found his other half, she couldn’t help but be ecstatic. He was already midway into his twenties, and with the profession he’d chosen to jump into, she couldn’t imagine he would find a worthwhile spouse. The entertainment industry didn’t seem like the place to find a down-to-earth, wholesome partner.
And if anyone needed someone to keep him grounded, it was her dreamer of a son. He lived with his head in the clouds too often, seeing the world through an artist’s eyes with music in his heart. It made him creative — and bold — but his sensitive soul was left open to hurt too often, and she couldn’t help but want her baby to find someone who would protect him with the gentleness he deserved.
Finally, he’d fallen in love — with a man.
And she had been heartbroken.
Not for what the neighbors might think, because they had much better friends than that. And not for the grandchildren she may never have now, though there was certainly a dull pain of loss in her heart for that. No, her concern was Xiao Zhan. How could a man possibly love and care for him the way he needed to be?
Women were just made differently, she believed. They were built to be nurturing — that’s the reason so many of them were nurses and teachers. She was convinced that there was something on the X chromosome that accounted for being caring, tender, and intuitive to people’s needs, and women got a double dose.
No man could take care of her baby’s heart the way she knew a woman would.
But then, she’d never met a man like Wang Yibo.
Of course, when her son told her who he was dating, she’d done her research. She’d often watched his weekly show, but now she viewed their youngest host with a much keener eye. He was strong, tough, and stubborn — riding motorcycles, skateboarding, and dancing with a level of skill and abandonment that constantly amazed her. On the surface, at least from his interests, it seemed that Wang Yibo was “all boy,” rough and tumble in a way that her ZhanZhan never was. And he was a rapper, of all things! What could this boy — for he was definitely only a boy, he was barely into his twenties! What could he possibly have in common with her sweet, sensitive son? This cold, stoic boy who talked so little, even as one of the hosts of a variety show. They say opposites attract, but this seemed like a bridge too far.
And yet.
When ZhanZhan brought him home for the Lunar New Year, she had seen a different Wang Yibo than the one on her screen. He was certainly quiet, there was little doubt about that. With her husband and herself, he was incredibly polite — nearly to a fault. She’d made her son’s favorite dishes, and he had eaten the spicy food without any complaint or sign of intolerance, and it was only the next day that she’d learned his stomach had been irritated and he hadn’t slept well because of it. She had felt horrible, and made special dishes for him over the next few days with less heat, even as he insisted he wanted to be able to eat Chongqing food. Though he couldn’t cook, he’d admitted to her shyly, he wanted Xiao Zhan to be able to make the types of food he liked without worrying about him. He couldn’t come home as often as he liked, so Yibo didn’t want him to give up the comforts of home he could create for himself.
It was such a simple thing — but knowing that Yibo was willing to suffer the spicy discomforts for her son’s happiness sparked a tiny flame of acceptance in her heart.
Over those few days, watching the two of them together in her home, she had been able to see that they worked well together. ZhanZhan liked to care for others, so it was no surprise that he would find a younger partner. She worried that he was being too subservient to Yibo, spoiling what was probably an already spoiled child. And while her son did dote on him, Yibo’s attentiveness to Xiao Zhan was also very obvious.
He fussed at ZhanZhan to eat more at every meal, bickering with him when he argued that he was filming and couldn’t overindulge. The young man would coax and pout, not for his own self interests, but to persuade Xiao Zhan to look after his own health. And when he pressed too far and challenged her son so much that his temper flared, Yibo melted like ice in the sun.
She would have had to be blind not to see it.
That boy loved her son.
He nearly glowed with it, lighting up with every smile and soft look ZhanZhan sent his way. He followed her son around the house like a puppy who couldn’t stand the thought of his owner being out of sight. Yibo was so clearly over the moon that she worried that ZhanZhan would end up breaking his heart. From what she could see, her son seemed to be holding a piece of himself back.
And then the night before Yibo left, she came across them in a private moment. She’d gone to bed, but forgotten something, and got back up to retrieve it. The boys had stayed on the couch in the living room to finish watching a show, and Yibo was laid out comfortably with his head on ZhanZhan’s lap. She watched as they talked about the next time that they would get to see each other, as ZhanZhan ran his hand gently through Yibo’s hair. But it was the look on her son’s face that was impossible to ignore.
She’d never seen him look at anyone like that before. His expression held so much sweetness and care that her heart jumped up into her throat. He looked so much like his father that it was like a vision of the past. She’d seen that same loving look on her husband’s face so often when they were young, and still did from time to time. There couldn’t be any doubt in her mind — as much as that young boy loved her son, ZhanZhan had fallen just as deep.
💚 2019 💚
It was obvious they were a matched set, like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. Xiao Zhan was soft in all the ways that her son was hard, with hobbies and interests like art and literature that Yibo had never cared much for. But he was also tough where Yibo was soft, with years of life and experiences that had shaped his view of people and the world.
For all of her son’s experiences, he had been largely protected, safely ensconced in a bubble of geges and staff that made it possible for him to remain somewhat naive to the harsh realities of life outside of the entertainment industry he’d grown up in. Xiao Zhan was able to see things in a different light than Yibo, providing a perspective that Yibo needed and an honest opinion that he could trust. He looked out for her son in ways she and her husband never could, and it was a blessing.
Yibo had always been strong willed and determined, but he was never so stubborn that he wouldn’t give in to his parents when they demanded something of him. He knew what he liked though, and as he got older and more capable, he learned to use his looks and his charms to manipulate situations until he got his way. So she could hardly believe the way she watched her son bend like a bamboo sapling in the breeze when it came to doing things for Xiao Zhan. Whether it was what to watch on TV, what to eat for dinner, or where to go for a short trip when they got a few days free together, Yibo was always ready and willing to go along with whatever Xiao Zhan wanted.
It was sweet, but she couldn’t help but worry that he was giving in too much. Xiao Zhan was older, and she didn’t like to think that he was steamrolling her son just because Yibo would willingly follow like a puppy wherever the man went. She’d asked him once, why it always seemed to be Yibo who traveled to see the other and sent pictures of places Xiao Zhan wanted to visit.
“Because I don’t care, Momma,” Yibo told her. “I don’t care where we go or what we do, as long as we get to spend some time together. I travel to so many places for work, I see lots of things on my own. When I have time for myself, I just like to see him happy. And I’ve got money and a better team… It’s easier for me to get around.”
Her son’s heart was so open, and Xiao Zhan had crawled inside and taken up so much room. She couldn’t help but worry that he didn’t deserve it.
But then they talked more and sent messages, and it was clear from their communications, video calls, and the rare few visits they’d had that Xiao Zhan was pretty safely wrapped around Yibo’s finger as well. Xiao Zhan called her to get recipes for Yibo’s favorite foods from childhood so that he could cook for him when they had a few days at home together. He sent her pictures and videos of Yibo on his skateboard, complaining in the background about how he was still at it three hours later but whooping and cheering for her boy when he completed a trick. Yibo proudly sent her pictures of the drawings Xiao Zhan had done for him - logos and doodles, paintings or sketches that he’d done during a free moment on set or a rare few hours of spare time.
She knew they’d had a few rough spots when their show hit it big. Adapting to the new struggles of unimaginable fame was difficult for both of them, but for Xiao Zhan even more so. Their world exploded into the public eye, and their privacy was strained. Luckily, they managed to hold onto each other through the rough waves of those crazy months.
And when the quarantine started, and she watched the most precious person in her life rush to Beijing to be with Xiao Zhan, she didn’t have to worry too much. She knew they would take care of each other and enjoy the brief period of time without work and responsibilities. As much as she was terrified for the safety of her friends and family, a small part of her couldn’t help but be relieved that Yibo was being forced into an extended vacation. He deserved it for working so hard.
They both did.
❤ 2020 ❤
Her Little Son was struggling. Unlike ZhanZhan, who would find excuses not to turn on the video for their calls, Wang Yibo was forced to show his face on screen for his weekly show. And in this episode, taped a few weeks after the attacks on ZhanZhan began, it was crystal clear just how much Yibo was suffering, too. Her two boys were so close that when one was cut, the other bled, too. And the pain was written all over her Little Son’s face.
She knew he wanted to make a statement. He had called her husband, begging him to convince ZhanZhan that it was a good idea. It was as if he thought he could throw himself in front of the fire and shield her son with his own reputation, willing to let the crazies online burn it to ash if it would protect ZhanZhan. It was an incredibly romantic impulse.
But a horribly stupid idea.
Luckily, ZhanZhan put his foot down, insisting that he would get through the ordeal, and in the meantime, Yibo had work to do that couldn’t be put at risk. If they were truly going to be partners, they had to work together, and sometimes that meant carrying the load (and the bills) when things got tough.
Yibo took that to heart. He picked up every endorsement deal that he could to replace those that ZhanZhan lost, and he filled his schedule to bursting with shows, photo shoots, and any other work he was given. She knew her son was frustrated with the situation, and angry that Yibo felt he had to do so much. He worried over her Little Son and traveled with him whenever he could to make sure Yibo took care of himself and didn’t fall into exhaustion.
At one point ZhanZhan had called her when they were arguing, trying to find someone else to convince him to work less.
“Your son-in-law is determined to dig his own grave with the number of hours he’s working,” ZhanZhan complained hotly. “Please tell him that’s not his job.”
She was taken aback for a moment. She’d never heard him refer to Yibo that way before, at least not to her. But when she thought about it, it wasn’t surprising. She had watched through video calls, texts, and photos posted to their family WeChat as their partnership grew stronger and more solid over the trials of the last few months.
“I can’t do anything else to make things better for you,” Yibo told her son from her phone screen. “I can take care of you and our household. And it is my job. You would do the same thing if the situation was reversed, wouldn’t you?”
ZhanZhan couldn’t argue that point. If Yibo had been the one struggling, there was no question that her son would look out for him.
The argument from that day must have led to a lot more serious discussions, because when their second anniversary came around in June, Yibo organized a surprise party for ZhanZhan, inviting their families and close friends. It was wonderful having everyone together, and her sons made a formal declaration of their intentions. When Yibo pulled out the guardianship papers and asked ZhanZhan if he would be willing to “take responsibility for him and look out for his health and well being,” ZhanZhan had been so touched that he cried. Then Yibo had cried, his mother cried, and she herself couldn’t stop her tears as they were all overcome with happiness.
Months later, when the online dust was settling and Xiao Zhan’s career was back on track with filming responsibilities and endorsements on his schedule, she let out a sigh of relief and a silent prayer of thanks to her Little Son.
She was thankful everyday that ZhanZhan had that boy in his life.
She knew that the love and support she and her husband provided had helped him get through the tough times. But she also knew that Yibo’s presence and encouragement had meant even more, and without it, her son may have given up his dreams and run home to Chongqing in defeat.
She would never be able to express her gratefulness to Wang Yibo. For sticking by her son, his unwavering belief in him, the boundless love he gave not only to ZhanZhan but extended to his family as well.
She couldn’t be happier to have her Little Son in the family.
She had always considered herself lucky to be blessed with such a handsome, talented and wonderful son. And now, somehow, she’d become doubly blessed with two of them.
💚 Winter 2021 💚
She can’t help but smile as she looks at Yibo’s pictures on her screen. The glint of the rings keeps drawing her attention, stoking the warm glow burning in her chest.
They aren’t married. Not yet. Not officially. And she knows that they may never be legally able to in their own country.
But it doesn’t matter. They’re married in their hearts, and she knows that’s how they think of each other. At some point, when the world is safer to travel in, the boys will expect their families to go with them to some other place so that they can secretly make things as official as they can. They will all very, very quietly celebrate their love and their future together.
And in the meantime, they will wear each other’s rings, and share their lives as much as they can. And look forward to a time in the future when they can wear them openly and proudly, and show off how proud they are of each other.