Archive of Our Own

Tine never knew he would see so many bodies his whole life. He sees them across the street, inside their own living rooms, backyards, and now, inside this hospital’s frozen room all abandoned. They were looking for oxygen tanks and supplies yet they were pulled into this room. 

“Wat, they were very lucky," Tine muttered while still looking at the lifeless bodies hidden inside refrigerated lockers resembling those in the cemetery. 

“They were lucky they died before this catastrophe and didn’t experience all this shit.” Tine sighed and was about to go out when Sarawat started to talk.

“Maybe, or maybe not,” Sarawat looked at Tine and smiled at him so dearly. 

“We didn’t really know what happened to them before they died here in the hospital. We didn’t know what obstacles they went through. What if they were sick before or experienced a painful death? They might have struggled even worse than us.” Sarawat is now beside Tine, his eyes still softly looking at Tine. 

“I… didn’t think of that. Life is indeed unfair.” Tine’s face shows guilt thinking about what might the unknown people went through. Sarawat assures him it was fine but they surely have different beliefs. 

“Life is fair, I think. It treats everyone unfairly.” They smiled at each other. They have different perspectives in life yet they complement each other dearly like they’ve known each other for their whole lives. 

A view of burning buildings welcomed them as they stepped out of the room. They took a minute to stare at the flaring lights gradually destroying the skyscrapers now becoming eye-level until it finally became a combination of cement, debris, and ash.  

Sarawat’s hands found their way towards Tine’s like it was destined to do that. Tine laughs bitterly at this sight. He looks at their hands, at his face, and finally at his eyes. Wat smiled at him, with equal resentment

“We met at a very strange time in our lives.”

A week before. 

Everything seemed at peace when Tine woke up. Contrary to what happened yesterday, only whimpers of the wind and the echoes of his footprints are the only thing he can hear. 

It took him minutes to finally grasp what’s happening. It is ‘moving day’. It is supposed to be the day they move to another safe area but hearing nothing, Tine seemed to miss the movement. 

It was weeks ago when the world stopped moving. Not that typical ‘the world stopped moving’ after you hear a painful breakup but it is ‘the world literally stopped moving’ you hear from televisions, broadcasted internationally. Not like everyone has predicted, they can’t just travel from Earth to Mars. Not when everything is too early to happen. Scientists and astrologers forgot to add a variable to their calculations. They forgot how humans badly treat the Earth and how the Earth is literally old and needed to rest and now, everyone is caught off-guard. 

The only thing they can predict is how the continents that are placed between morning and night where there’s ample heat and cold are most likely to survive but the poles are pulling everything towards north and south-- the major oceans splitting into two, plus oxygen saturation is deteriorating rapidly. 

The world is really ending.

And no one has control over it. No one can change this when it is already happening. 

And Tine’s alone. 

Tine’s cries fill the whole hallway. He trusted his family. They do not have a happy family type of relationship and they throw words to Tine like ‘I don’t want to see you again.’ or ‘I hope you just die’ but Tine didn’t know they hated him that much to the extent that they didn’t wake Tine up to survive. He slept unknowingly that all those words his family threw finally came true. 

I’m gonna die. Cold and alone. 

He helplessly cried his eyes out, hugging his only friend-- his own thoughts, his journal, and the next thing he knows, he can hear a cracking sound followed by specks of dust falling. Tine continued observing, following the crack until he felt a mini quake. Oh, no. His eyes widened when the ceiling collapsed. He stood up and ran towards the nearest exit. 

Damn, now I’m running for my life. 

A post fell in front of him. It almost hit him and his heart almost jumped out. He turned right towards the windows and he jumped out. The moment he stepped out, their apartment collapsed entirely. 

That was a close one. 

Tine is just about to stand up when another post is leaning towards him. It’s too sudden that he couldn’t move his limbs. Tine just closed his eyes, ready to face his end when he felt a huge force pulling him followed by a loud sound. His heart is beating erratically-- wait, he’s not dead yet. 

“Are you okay?” Before he even questioned what happened, his eyes met a man’s gaze, his eyes expressed concern and Tine fought the urge not to get lost to it. 

“I’m fine.” The man helped him stand up. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be here?” Tine then realized he’s not alone. He isn’t gonna die alone! Well, he’s with a stranger but this is better than nothing. 

“I… overslept.” Tine smiles shyly. He does not have time to tell his whole life story.

“I’m Tine. What's your name?” Another rumbling sound was heard. The whole building is slowly falling.

“Uhm... We need to keep moving first.” Tine followed the man without hesitations. He can’t be a murderer ( he’s too pretty to be one ). I mean, he saved his life and the time is running out to even do crimes--  if something is still considered as one bearing in mind that it is the end of the world. 

After running for a while, they settled at a shelter-- not even minding what it was before, not like it still matters. 

Tine noticed the sweat forming on the stranger’s face. He wiped it gracefully along with the dust that stuck on his face. He’s checking if the man is fine. And he is fine, like super fine. He then wiped himself with a clean cloth feeling sticky from all the activity they’ve done. 

“I’m Sarawat.”

And he knows a murderer is not supposed to be this pretty 

---

“Should we find food?” Tine looks at the grocery store in front of them. Sure he is hungry, he hasn’t eaten anything yet since he woke up, and based on Sarawat’s reaction, he too is hungry. 

“Let’s go.” They marched towards the store and luckily, opening the establishment wasn't that hard. Happiness peeks in their eyes. Everything is for free and unlimited. They grabbed shopping carts and took everything they would be needing-- including bottles of beers and gummy worms. You wouldn’t know.  

They might be each other’s lucky charm. The moment they stepped out, another surge of unknown energy came, pulling and pushing everything into two directions. The establishment crumbled in no time and the hands of the two found their way home. They held hands as their whole life depended on it. Sarawat and Tine run endlessly as the whole world crumbles behind them. 

Fear is an understatement of what they are feeling. There is no assurance on how long they will survive this inevitable. Death is chasing them and running and hiding is the only thing they can do. Tine asks himself; what’s the point of running if a dead end awaits them? He wants to stop and just let nature consume him but the clammy hands of the man he met a few hours earlier gives him a little bit of hope. Sarawat saved him when he thought he had already given up. 

Maybe it’s fine to run a little faster especially when you have a hand to hold onto.

It took them hours to finally settle in. They went from different hotel establishments to random houses but they found their temporary home at the local hospital.  It was kind of far from where they were but it is the most comfortable place they found. It is a 13-floor building with a rooftop and huge glass windows. It sounds like it was a dangerous place but seeing how firm this whole building stands, with all the calamities it went through, this is a great place to stay.

The first thing they did was arrange all their food and their beds. Tine insisted on building a makeshift house. After all they went through, they became comfortable with each other. They don't know why they clicked this fast. Is it because Sarawat’s jokes are really funny? Or is it because they take care of each other so well? Maybe because they are alone in this world-- not really alone but they are the only surviving organisms in the country, and they rely on each other wanting to be a little happier even in their counted days. 

Days passed and it seemed a little quiet. Yes, there are buildings collapsing from time to time but generally, it was peaceful. Too peaceful it scares them yet they paid no heed and lived the best of their life. 

and surprise, the beer and gummy worms were really an essential.  

“What was your life before, Wat?” They were still staring at the whole city when Tine broke the silence between them. Tine surely wants to get to know Wat better and maybe this kind of talk will open doors into knowing each other better.  

“I really love music. It is the only thing that makes me… alive.” Sarawat smiled at Tine. Tine noticed the spark in the older’s eyes. He loves music so much. 

I wanna hear your music. Tine wants to tell him but he’s too shy. 

“You want to hear me play?” Tine’s eyes widened and he nodded in joy, like a puppy. Sarawat smiled at this sight. 

“But I need to improvise, I have no guitar.” Sarawat starts strumming the air which earns a laugh from Tine and a shhh from him. 

Sarawat pretends he’s playing guitar that was acted by faint noises of nature. He starts to sing. 

When the world was ending

I'd hold you in my arms

And we talked about the places we'd never been

When the world was ending

We'd hold onto the past

'Cause it's all we thought that we would ever see

But then the sun came right back

And the birds sang as if nothing had happened

And, it's alright

It's ok

We will get

Another day

To begin again, 

to begin again,

to begin again

No words are enough to describe Wat’s voice. It was full of emotions, Tine already forgot he’s laughing so hard a few seconds earlier because of the silliness of the other. He’s mesmerized by Wat and his ability to portray emotions through songs. It isn’t the first time Tine heard this song but Wat put a new flavor to it which is far better than the original. It made Tine appreciate the song’s message even more. Wat chose a good song.  

It made Tine question things. Did the writer make that song knowing what is bound to happen? The song encapsulated all the feelings, all the emotions Tine had, what he wants and what he aspires to. He’s scared. Very.

Tine wants Sarawat to hold him in his arms. 

The song ended with tears streaming down his face, Sarawat held him tight. 

Sarawat woke up next morning noticing a little change-- two changes to be exact; One, he woke up with Tine embraced by his arms, peacefully sleeping; and two, he’s having difficulty breathing. Tine is still peacefully sleeping but Sarawat can see how his chest rise and fall a little faster than usual. He gently brushed Tine’s hair that was covering his face and stared at the sleeping angel . Wat wants to stare at Tine a little more but they should not waste even a second . He knows that they won’t survive at this rate where oxygen starts to gravitate towards the two poles and before anyone else, they know that staying near the equator is not an ideal for survival though it has adequate sunlight, that is why the whole country moved except from them. 

Choosing a hospital has its perks. Finding supplies became a lot easier. He woke Tine up and they rummaged through the whole place to find oxygen tanks but unluckily, it was not easy. How could a hospital lack oxygen tanks? They went through different floors, different rooms, but they found nothing. Sarawat starts to lose hope when they reach the morgue. It was full of unclaimed bodies, they didn’t even have a proper burial. Life is indeed unfair. 

The whole place was covered by yellow and red hues as the building in front of them continued to burn. It was weird watching the whole world crumble down in front of your eyes. It was weirdly scary-- facing all of these all alone that is why Wat did the first thing that comes into his mind. He held Tine’s hands. He held his hand while facing the sparks fly and burn. 

Sarawat heard Tine laughed bitterly. He looked at him and all he could see in those eyes was spite. He smiled at him for reassurance but he doesn’t know if he showed him well when he feels the same. 

It was weirdly unfair. They’ve been living for more than 2 decades yet the world decided for them to meet at this exact moment. Sarawat caressed Tine’s hands.  

“We met at a very strange time in our lives.”

---

They continued searching and they found what they needed at the hospital’s emergency room. Tine looks delighted. They’ve been given extra time to live.  Luckily, they found two extra tanks that would be enough once nature refuses to give them free oxygen. It can give them extra 24 hours-- if they can maximize that small vessel. It might seem like it is a short time but in their case, it is all they need-- even more than enough. But Sarawat’s smile didn’t reach his eyes yet Tine failed to notice.

The two persons are currently lying down at the hospital’s rooftop with the blankets and pillows they found, looking at the sky covered with twinkling stars and moon-- well, as what their eyes believe and what their mind pictures because in reality, the whole sky is covered with gray clouds, dark and full of dust. 

“You know the book The Fault in our Stars?” 

“Heard about its plot but haven’t read it.” 

“Why? Wat you should definitely read that book.” 

“Yeah? Maybe I should, once we go home.”

“Yes! I’ll lend you my book or should I just give it to you? That might not be your cup of tea but you will love it, cross my heart even if I die this instant.” They stared at each other for a few seconds until they burst out laughing. 

“Silly, angel.” Maybe they’re going nuts, laughing and crying about their misery. Perhaps joking about it is their way to ease each other. 

“ Angel?” Tine was confused at the sudden nickname.

“Yeah, you are.” 

“But you are the one who saved me? It should be the other way around, angel.”

Oh Tine, you have no idea. 

“That’s not how it works, angel.” Tine laughed it off. Maybe-- just maybe he likes being called an angel. 

“The Fault in our Stars suddenly popped out of my head. You know-- us, oxygen tanks and stars.” 

“I always envisioned myself in Hazel Grace and Agustus’ love. Like, they found each other in an ideal time, fighting together against the challenges of the universe. They were given a shorter infinity but they chose to love and live. I think that they are destined to be forever and the afterlife would never be a hindrance.” 

“But would you choose to love, even if forever or infinity is shorter than theirs?” 

“Days shouldn’t be a basis of forever. It should be based on the feelings you felt-- all the emotions both happiness and sadness, all the moments. Those fragments build forever and if I can feel all of those even in a shorter period of time, I would gladly take it all.”  

And that's all Wat needs to hear. 

A silence followed by unsteady breathing welcomes Tine. He’s holding onto his journal that he had, the only thing he saved. It was a bright humid afternoon when the Earth decided to make a full stop, with bodies throwing everywhere because of the abrupt brake. People indoors are not much affected and luckily, these two bodies looking at the sky were lucky enough to survive even though nothing material was left except from Tine’s journal that he has been holding since they met. Sarawat noticed how Tine carefully caressed it. 

“You brought that here?” 

“Yeah, this is my most prized possession and the tangible representation of my thoughts, my dreams, what I want my life to be. So if I will die, this will die with me.” 

“C-can I see? I haven’t got a chance to keep a journal.” Tine thinks for a second before he scooted closer to Sarawat.

“Fine, there’s nothing to lose anyway.” Sarawat’s arms are supporting his and Tine’s weight with Tine lying on his chest silently listening to Sarawat’s heartbeat and their pillows abandoned. They look comfortable. 

“You see, I write everything here; my thoughts, how a certain thing made me feel, my sudden realizations and even my goals…..” 

TINE at 25 

Things I will accomplish when I’m still young!!!!

• get a dog
• donate blood 
• sing in front of many people
• go hiking!!!!
• travel around the world
• get married???????????

“Now stop! You’re laughing at me!” Tine was frowning while Sarawat was suppressing his laugh.

“I am not, angel. You are just too cute and innocent, oh dear.”

“Then stop laughing!!!” 

“Okay, okay but if we’re going to travel, we should go to Japan first. I want to see the Cherry Blossoms.”

“Noooo we’ll travel Europe first or go camping. I want to sleep in a camping van.”

“That would be fun. We should do that first, I agree.”

“Uh-uh then we’ll go to Japan and eat sushi- wait! We should go fishing and catch fishes then I’ll make you sashimi.”

“Wow, my angel knows how to cook?”

“Not really but I can learn! There’s YouTube and tutorials Mr. Sarawat, we are living in a modern world….” 

Sarawat and Tine talked about all the things they want to do together. Tine never planned anything with anyone and thinking about the future makes him happy but thinking about the future with Sarawat seemed to be a lot better. He’s writing everything they are planning and it made him think; is it possible to feel this way? It was just a week since they met but this guy is making him feel things that he thought he wouldn’t experience. He hid a smile behind his laugh. If he can, he would definitely keep this night. 

“... but you still haven’t told me why you were left alone. Did you also oversleep? It would be funny. Imagine we are going to die because we were aslee-”

“You know how I love music right? And how I hate talking, using words to convey my feelings because that is so ordinary.” Sarawat chuckles and Tine just listens to him attentively even though confusion is taking him whole. 

“Kidding aside, I never knew how to put my feelings into words, into sentences-- not actually illiterate but I only form empty sentences, useless, with masked emotions. That’s what my father told me when I was a kid. I should stop talking because I only talk nonsense. I believed him and here I am, an actual adult who only talks using music. I just hope my music does not sound as bad as his words. Weird, right?” This is the first time Tine heard Sarawat, different from his teasing words and worries. 

“Tine, I have a confession to make.” Wat was looking down at his fingers, avoiding Tine’s gaze.

“That time…. I already accepted my fate. I saw this moment as an opportunity,” This time, the Sarawat that was composed earlier is gone at this instance. 

“I thought it would be better if I-- because there’s no point, there’s no hope but you… the moment I saw you almost getting hit by a post, I know I just want to keep you safe.” 

“Wat… thank you for telling me and being honest about your feelings. you don't have to worry, you have me. You are so precious, oh dear.” Wat chuckled and Tine moved and hugged him tight and Wat was thankful he found Tine at that moment.

“Let’s do this. I’ll give you a page of my journal. You can write your feelings there and use it as an outlet. I wouldn’t read it I promise!” 

“Thank you, angel… and you have my full permission to read it only after I finish.” Sarawat started writing, pouring everything through the small pen and paper. It was so peaceful Tine fell asleep. Their night ended after Tine’s mini concert-- so that he can cross it out his list. There are no people but Sarawat argued that there really are no people and Tine just obliged with an eye roll and ‘whatever’. It was his dream after all. After a few friendly banters, they slept at a hospital rooftop.

TINE at 25 

Things I will accomplish when I’m still young!!!!

• get a dog
• donate blood 
• sing in front of many people
• go hiking!!!!
• travel around the world
• get married???????????

The next few days went fast. Sarawat continued writing even when Tine is asleep-- which is what he prefer since Tine would only bug him. They had an agreement proposed by Sarawat that they will never check the oxygen level of their tanks and continue like it is not the only source of their lives which is agreed by Tine who surely loves the idea. They continued wandering like they haven’t been to the floors of the building, walking while holding each other’s hands and with trolleys carrying each of their tanks. It was heavy, and they know it won't even be enough for days but they managed to maximize it.

Like how the days went fast, their feelings started to progress. It was like they’ve known each other for forever, knowing what the other person dislikes or knowing each other’s habit and catching it. If Tine were being honest, he knows he felt attraction towards the other since the first time he saw him yet he didn’t expect that it will grow into more. He did not expect that his mere attraction developed into something like wanting to snuggle him closer, or liking the feeling of his perfectly calloused hands into his hands and how Sarawat’s music warms his heart. How he makes him feel like outside was paradise and sunrise. Maybe their situation also helped catalyse these feelings yet Tine knows even without it, he will fall in love with Sarawat irrevocably. 

“Tine you’re staring, you like me that much?”
“I do.” 

Shock was an understatement. Sarawat froze at his spot and it made Tine laugh so hard at his face. Tine realized there is no time to be scared, to doubt. He knows what he feels and taking a risk? It’s nothing when you have a limited time to spend.

“You… like me?” 

“Yep”

“Like as a person?”

“Absolutely.”

“More than friends?”

“Precisely.”

“You like like me?” Sarawat’s eyes glowed like a baby who was given a candy and Tine loves seeing it

“Silly, but yes i like you Sarawat.” 

“Wow, I’m so lucky huh? Angel likes me too.”

“W-what? You like me too?”

“Yep.”

“Like as a person?”

“Absolutely- wait, we are not doing this again. I like you the way you like me. End of the story.”
“Oh.. wow.” 

“Now come here, let's cuddle.” 

They spent their whole morning cuddling and tickling each other, feeling each other’s heart that beats for them. Feeling all the contentment of being in each other’s arms. 

Tine always pictured his morning with his lover in a soft caramel scent bed with the rays of sun too short to itch their skin. They will turn off their alarms and yell five more minutes but will spend another hour trying to wake each other up and receiving morning kisses along with an iced americano and a garlic toast. He always pictured his mornings with warmth and contentment in contrast to this cold and grey place. But given this circumstance, he found comfort in the cold white mattress of the hospital specially it comes with Sarawat, his love . 

Maybe exploring the whole place became part of their routine. It is morning again and they are holding each other’s hands while pulling their trolleys which contain the tanks. It was just like the other day when Tine noticed Sarawat seemed a bit breathless yet he never admitted and continued walking. 

“Wat, you seemed tired. Let me check-”

“Tine, you want me to sing you a song?” Sarawat obviously tried to avoid the topic. He got up and dragged Tine back to their place. They sat down while facing outside, Tine sitting down on Wat’s lap and Wat hugging him from behind, brushing the soft strands of his hair-- his favorite gesture.  

Out on our own

Dreaming in a world that we both know

Is out of our control

But if shit hits the fan we're not alone

'Cause you've got me and you know

That I've got you and I know

So this is it, that's how it ends

I guess there's nothing more romantic than dying with your love

And I'm not sorry for myself

I wouldn't wanna spend a minute loving anybody else

'Cause you've got me and you know

That I've got you and I know

And if the sky falls from heaven above

Oh, I know I had the best time falling into love

We've been living on a fault line

And for a while, you were all mine

I've spent a lifetime giving you my heart

I swear that I'll be yours forever

'Til forever falls apart

Wat always puts him into a good mood, letting him forget every ounce of his problem. The song was more sad than he could remember but Sarawat’s emotions while singing never wavered and it made Tine almost forget everything, even what he noticed with Sarawat earlier. Almost. 

“Are you keeping something from me?” Tine is nervous as fuck. His heart almost reaching his mouth. He doesn’t feel good about this and he’s feeling nauseous.  Seeing Sarawat avoiding his gaze, breathless puts him into fear, the one he felt on the morning of the moving day. Tine stepped closer to the oxygen tank connected to Sarawat, he sighed deeply. 

Tine doesn’t need medical knowledge to realize that the tank he’s looking up is empty compared to his quarter full tank. 

Zero. Empty. Nothing. That's the only thing running from Tine’s head. He’s seeing a perfectly vertical line and knowing that he loves perfection, this certain thing is his least favorite, what he hates the most. And this line will put his lover ’s life at stake. 

Tine’s hands were shaking, frozen from his spot. Sarawat approached him. 

“Angel, don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“If I tell you, would you still use your tank?” Tine remained silent.

“See? I want you to be comfortable, angel. I’m fine, don't worry about me.” But Tine cried harder. He hugged Sarawat tight as if he’s not going to let go of the other. 

“Let’s switch tanks, Wat. Please. I want to give you life.”

“You already gave me life, angel. Let’s… not do this please. Keep that tank close to you and don’t ever try to remove it beside you.”

“No, please take this, I don’t want this stupid oxygen. I don’t need this piece of shit.” 

“Baby, please keep it. I wouldn’t accept it either way. Just… wear your mask and we’ll be fine hmm? Don’t worry, okay?”  

“But I don’t want to see you go.” 

“I won’t go easily. Angel, look at me.” Sarawat caressed Tine’s cheeks and wiped his tears. Sarawat’s heart shattered into pieces. He knows he maybe is giving him empty words but he’s uttering those words, hoping and praying that it would not be nonsense. 

“I will stay with you, for as long as I can, okay?” Tine answered with another hug and Sarawat spent hours wiping Tine’s tears and assuring him that he’s here, he’s still here. 

If they were given a choice, Sarawat would make Tine’s dreams come true. He wants to make Tine happy and if completing his list would ease his worries, he would gladly do anything to make it come true. 

---

Tine didn't expect the day to be like this. Pool of tears streaming down his face, looking at Sarawat who is holding his hands and asking him for marriage. It was ridiculous. Tine always laughed at Anna for falling in love with a man who he barely knows but being in her position, maybe it is possible. 

It might be too quick, too impulsive and too sudden but finding your own person you want to love,  in the middle of the chaos, in the middle of life and death, in the middle of this lifeless world, time is a concept that seems unreachable. It is a privilege they will never have. 

Sarawat and Tine are now standing in front of the altar, with nothing but themselves and their beating hearts. In their hands are two soda can tabs from their drinks but in their eyes, it shines even brighter than all the diamonds combined. 

“And now for the vows, Mr. Aekaranwong,” Sarawat mimicked a deeper voice. 

“It’s Mr. Guntithanon soon, father,” They giggled at how ridiculous they sounded.  Tine cleared his voice and started. 

“Wat,” Tine starts to get teary-eyed. This is supposed to be a fake marriage but he swears, everything he feels is real. 

“That day you ran towards me to prevent me from being squished by a gigantic post, I didn’t know you'd cause this great impact on me. You were hope personified, my life, and my home. I just hope I met you a little earlier. But, Gus-- I mean Wat, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.“  Sarawat laughed, breaking the emotional atmosphere between them. 

“Did you just quote your favorite book? On our wedding?” Tine shushed him, preparing himself from the next lines he’ll utter, suppressing his laugh. 

“You have no idea how happy you made me feel and how I want to keep our memories imprinted in my mind.“

“I... love you and I can’t wait to spend forever with you.”

Sarawat never anticipated this to happen. His tears streamed down to the curves of his face feeling too much happiness he never knew he’s capable of feeling. He pulled himself together and stared at Tine, who’s also crying non-stop. 

“Tine, my angel. You know me, I’m not good at words. I also haven’t read a book in ages to quote but I just want you to know that No words could explain how thankful I am I got to know you in this life. The first time I saw you, you were running breathlessly and bravely jumping through the window. You also sparked  hope in me, the thing I never knew I would have. I am happy we are each other’s reminder of hope…”

“I might not be able to take you to places but I promise you, I will give you the best life you will have and we will fill this hospital with memories. I love you so much, angel. Let’s spend our forever together, until it ends, even beyond.” 

The chapel is now filled with sobs and little I love you’s that were too soft for them to hear. The chapel was now filled with decorations made from their emotions that made the place even more magical, extraordinary. 

“Let’s finish the ceremony, shall we?” Wat smiled while reaching Tine’s fingers, slipping the tab on his finger. 

“I give you this… ring, as a symbol of love, hope and joy. This will be the symbol of my promise to be with you, till forever falls apart.” 

“I give you this ring, as a sign of my commitment. This will be the symbol of my promise to be with you, till forever falls apart.” 

They carefully held each other’s hands while staring at each other. If someone could see the two, they would know they are a couple in just a second. That’s how transparent the love that flows from their eyes, savoring each other with it and never be able to control it. 

“May I kiss the groom?” Sarawat starts, putting this entire ceremony to an end. He’s anticipating but he would understand if it wouldn’t happen.

“You may kiss the groom.”

Sarawat didn’t waste any second as he stepped closer to Tine. He cupped his face and wiped his tears. Sarawat moved even closer until their foreheads met, their noses touched and finally, savoring each other’s lips. Enjoying the first kiss they shared as a couple, and as husbands. After few seconds, Tine rested his face in Sarawat’s chest, feeling all the embarrassment together with butterflies playing on his insides. 

“I love you, husband.”

“I love you too, angel.”    

TINE at 25 

Things I will accomplish when I’m still young!!!!

• get a dog
• donate blood 
• sing in front of many people
• go hiking!!!!
• travel around the world
• get married??????????? 

Sarawat watched Tine cross down the last thing on his list, after also crossing down travelling as he argued that Sarawat is his whole world and he already hugged his world. Sarawat laughed because he knew Tine crossed it because it  would never be possible.

“Tine, you finished your list,” He smiled at the other feeling happy for him.
“Yes, all because of you.” Sarawat was worried, he didn't want Tine to think that he married him because of that list. 

“But you know I’ll still marry you even without that, right?” He wants to let Tine know that he sincerely wanted to marry him.

“Of course, I know that you’ll never do anything that is not sincere. That’s the same for me. I didn’t said yes because I wanted to complete the list. I said yes because I truly want to get married to you.” Tine scooted closer, feeling Sarawat’s warmth and his heavy breathing. He’s scared but he pushed all those thoughts at the back of his mind. 

Please give us more time.

Sarawat hugged him even tighter. As he felt Tine’s heartbeat, he felt at ease and relieved that Tine is still fine, even though his tank also became lighter. He can never ask for more, as Tine is with him. 

“Tine, I’ve finished writing,” Sarawat closed his eyes, feeling all the tiredness from today.

“You can now read it.” Tine nodded in excitement as he also closed his eyes, looking forward to the next day with Sarawat. 

I love you, angel. 

I love you too, love. 

Sleep tight. 

When I saw you on the sidewalk with the collapsing apartment in front of you, suddenly we were kids again. Suddenly I can see you trying to play with other kids but gaining nothing. Suddenly we were in a room, the one we loved the most, the colorful one which displays our artwork, and I am giving you a diary, instructing you to write about your day-- everything, even the most random and mundane things, everything that catches your attention and suddenly I can only see my name in those pages-- Inspector. I can see how you find me cute and grumpy all the time, and how you want to pester me all your life, and I peacefully waited for it. I can only laugh at how silly you were and even before, I find you quite endearing. Now you're here in front of me again, I can still see the young you, innocent and optimistic but stronger and wiser. You might not be able to remember me but Tine, my beloved, my angel, I want you to know that forever wouldn't be possible without you. 

I hope our forever would last longer than this in another life, or in a parallel universe. We deserve a lifetime longer than two weeks. 

 

Your inspector forever, 

Sarawat

Tine was tearing up after reading the first entry Sarawat wrote in his journal. He went running to Sarawat who was peacefully sleeping on their bed. Tine forcefully tried to wake him up but he knows it won’t ever work. 

Because Sarawat decided to sleep forever. 

Tine had nothing to do but to cry in his husband’s arms, feeling nothing but coldness creeping in. He cried harder when it finally sank in. 

He never felt scared all his life. Sure he hates the noise thunder gives, he hates the noise his family makes, he hates the noise of people throwing spiteful words but never did he know he would hate the fact that he can not hear anything. He felt scared when the buildings collapsed behind him. he felt scared when he saw his lover’s oxygen tank turned zero. He feels scared seeing his lover's lifeless body in front of him, not even sleeping or producing soft murmurs. He hates being left alone but he’s scared his lover is now gone forever. 

Tine spent his day crying, reading and reading Wat’s letters. All those letters contained so much love and affection, Tine literally felt Sarawat in all the strokes of the pen. He felt Sarawat in those letters, words and sentences. He felt him so much that he cannot stop himself from memorizing each stroke, each sentence, Sarawat. He keeps rereading them but reserving the last one until he’s sleepy enough, which means now. 

Tine gathered all his strength as he opened the last entry. 

Tine, angel, my love, my home, my little infinity, and my everything. I hope you don’t cringe while reading all of these endearments, it’s just I would like to call you in every name possible if we were given a chance but my personal favorite would be my angel and husband. You never had any idea how you made me feel how amazing life is. We met when we still smelled like baby powder and yet I would never forget you, how you introduced music to me, eliminating all the deafening voices surrounding me and how you never fail to put a smile on my face whenever the world reeks of vinegar-- which I hated the most. 

Before I saved you, you already saved me first and I will always be thankful for that.

After decades of me thinking about you-- how you forget about me that easily at some times, but how your smile perfectly mimics rainbows, sunshines and raindrops at all times. I hope you don’t find it creepy but never in my whole life, I never imagined calling you my husband. I should be thankful for the circumstances but I cannot force myself to be, especially when this was the reason why I can never make you experience the whole world with me. We could be going to different countries, packing each other’s clothes and smothering each other with kisses, or even making a mess in a kitchen and chasing each other in the seashore while being watched by the sun. I just hope I made you happy in those times when we’re still together. 

You might be thinking, I should have told you this personally but my love, you make me breathless, and it seems like all the words I stored in my vocabulary for you vanish in an instant. At least if I write it, I have a tangible symbol of my love for you but I bet this still wouldn’t be enough. 

Based on the fading letters on this page, I guess this pen will run out of ink soon. It will soon be gone, together with us. But its mark would be on this paper forever and will never fade away. Before we sleep as newly weds, wow we’re really married, I just want you to know that I never regretted anything I did with you. But if I have one regret, it would only be that I met you at this certain time. We could’ve had a forever in three-digits and more but here we are, stuck with two.  

But I’m happy I can say I loved you my whole life, until my last breath. 

 

Always loving you,

Sarawat

Tine thought he'd cry again but he saw himself smiling. He was so lucky someone like Sarawat loved him like that. He realized he’s satisfied with the life he had knowing there was someone who loves him, there’s someone rooting for him in the crowd, there’s someone who appreciates him when he himself turned back on life. It’s strange that he felt all the emotions he can name, even those he cannot. He felt all of these in just weeks when all his life, he never encountered it even once. 

How long should it take until we consider something for lifetime or forever? Should it be months? years? decades? Because for Tine, forever does not mean for life, It means for how long you are able to love someone. Numbers are never a basis of forever. Forever is made from bits and pieces of emotions, fragments of the person whom you love.

Forever can be felt in numbered weeks, days even and Tine is glad he experienced it all with Sarawat. 

He experienced forever until it--everything fell apart.

and so he fell asleep.