Work Text:
Silence.
This is the sound that surrounds me.
The sound that has always surrounded me.
There are no houses, no hope, no dreams to shatter. The city greets my
going with loneliness.
What am I now?
How have I always been up to now?
Simply...
Alone.
It is easy to thank those who are stronger than you and save you. It is
easy to fall in love with a being you know only through stories. It is
easy to close yourself at home thinking "I'm safe".
The cities follow one another all identical. The windows, at night, are
warmed by a warm and welcoming light.
It is not blue light, made of cold neons.
No, they are mild lights, some even burning candles.
People are quiet; people are safe.
People think too much.
We are not guardian angels but demons ready for slaughter.
We were.
What remains of ... Us?
Lives crash like waves on rocks.
And it takes so little ...
I feel something under the boot; I look down, just to find between my
feet a stuffed animal all dirty and torn.
Games ...
Children ...
What does it mean to play?
What does it mean to be a child?
Taken in my hands this dirty stuffed animal tastes like ...
Mom.
They were safe, the people.
Those who see you as a God who came down to earth, those who do not see
beyond the Soldier you are.
But yet…
No one has ever stopped to ask ...
Of me.
I watched Angeal, infantryman then first class soldier, writing every
week at home, since he was thirteen when he entered ... Genesis, who
boasted so much about his noble origins, his parents and his lands.
My missions were always fixed. Wednesday evening departure…
Until Friday morning. The day of collection and delivery of the mail.
This stuffed animal is dirty, behind it has a patch of a horrible ocher
color .. I think it was ocher.
The eyes made of booties are sewn crooked.
What does it mean…?
It is soft under the hands, I can feel it even through the leather
gloves.
Is this the caress of a mother?
Is it with things like these stuffed animals that children play when
they are little?
It eyes are like this ..
Expressive even if they are just buttons.
A crooked line of a woolly smile.
Do mothers kiss their children good night?
What is it like to be tucked under the covers in winter?
What is this…?
The stuffed animal has a part of the alleged legs bandaged.
Pain…
Suffering…
What are a mother's eyes like when their baby falls and peels a knee?
What is it like to be consoled?
It must be nice to have the feeling of being looked at with love when
returning with the homework done by the academy, with a note of merit,
after returning from a five-kilometer effortless race. Or when you come
back in the evening, tired after a day of sword training in the lab and
find a nice plate of hot soup.
A smile that accompanies the word "very good" with eyes that only
mothers can do.
The stuffed animal falls to the ground, raising a cloud of dust.
He is a keeper of the dreams that people want.
He is a person who protects them at night when they sleep.
A person who is always ready to fight without mercy.
It is a God they want.
And this they will have.
You will see, Mother, what a good child I will become.
***************************************
This fanfiction was written way back in 2009.
I was immersed in the worst period of my life and, as you can read, I
reflected it in my stories.
For Mother's Day I wanted to repost it here.
For all misunderstood and lonely children who only want to be looked at
with the eyes of a mother.
Thanks for reading this far.
(English is not my first language. Excuse me !!!)