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There were many battles that she had fought. She majorly won them, but even she wasn’t powerful enough to emerge victorious every time. She had learnt to accept now, that she had weaknesses. The arrogance she held as a teenager of being the greatest Earth bender in history, the vigour with which she spoke about her metal bending like there was noone in the whole world she could lose to, had all vanished over time. Taken its place was her anxiety over being a single mother, acceptance that loneliness would chase her like she chased glory and even self doubt at times, when she would wonder if she deserved everything that had happened to her throughout her life. It didn’t help knowing that her weaknesses dwelled deep in her heart, and that her ego would never let them come out, never let her open up. They existed in the form of her daughter, who she had never intended to bring into the world, but now was her reason to breathe, her romance with a certain councilman that consumed her in ways she didn’t expect herself to ever be, and right now, her parents, whom she had just disappointed once again.
“Well, what do you expect us to do now? I’m sure, you’ve made your choice. God forgive anyone who ever tries to even so much as advise you.” Lao Beifong spoke in his general authoritative tone which wreaked of disappointment. He had accepted Toph, like she had accepted him. But that didn’t mean that their conversations would be pleasant. They argued almost every time they met, because Toph’s non traditional life choices didn’t exactly make the now aged man’s life easier. Toph knew once she would reveal her second pregnancy to them, it wouldn’t exactly be a breeze. That’s why no one was surprised that the family dinner was going the way it was.
According to Lao Beifong, every time he adjusted to something new Toph had decided for herself, she would spring something new on them. Each one worse than the previous. He must have had a point, because she was pregnant again, and him and Poppy had to just come to terms with that.
Toph shook her head. She knew there was no way she could cut her parents off. To the outsiders, she was made of stone, but only a few knew how deeply she loved. Her parents didn’t believe they were in that select few, because they thought that they came to her mind only when she had messed up, and she just wanted to tell them to get it over with once and for all. She wished they knew how much they mattered to her, because her voice was filled with regret of disappointing them once more. “I haven’t come here with expectations, Father. I have come only to ask you to love this child. And find it in your heart, to forgive me, your daughter! Please father, it’s not the child’s fault. It is mine. Please don’t punish us for what is only my mistake. You both are the only family it will ever have apart from me. Please don’t take it away!”
Lao sighed and just looked away from his daughter. What has she become? Were these the punishments for sheltering her from the cruel world? Had she still not learnt that whatever he was doing was for her best? Another child on the way, and she was still vouching for the world that had given her nothing except burdens and men who never stayed.
Poppy interrupted the silence. “Is the father not in the picture at all? What did he say about the.. umm.. situation?” Her mother, the ever so traditional, couldn’t even speak about the pregnancy without calling it something other than what it really was. Lao looked at Toph again, hoping for answers he wished so earnestly would be answers instead of rude defenses she would put up just because she knew that her parents loved her enough to always bend in front of her petty burns.
Why did Toph find herself surprised? This question was asked about Kanto as well when she had announced her first pregnancy. Well, she got the answer almost immediately. It was a question she was trying to not face at all. Flashbacks took over her mind before she finally answered. “He’s not. And in any case, just because he lent me a part of him, doesn’t make him this child’s father, alright?”
Her reaction made Lao and poppy look at eachother with a look that said “as expected”. Lao asked her with a calm voice. “Why do you always choose the wrong men? Have you ever asked yourself the questions that could help you not get into such.. situations?”
If he expected her to be silent and actually ponder over his question, he was wrong. She immediately hit him back with the reply that baffled him to the core. “He wasn’t the wrong kind at all. He is the love of my life. He will always be. And he knows that too.” Tears fell from her pink cheeks to her heavily embroidered robe. Just because she was older didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed to tear up every now and then.
“Well then, we are done with this conversation. Go and discuss with the “Love of your life” how it is about time he mans up and takes responsibility for his actions. If he resists, let me know, and I will personally take care of him my way. There is nothing money can’t buy, Toph. Just jangle some money in front of him, and if that doesn’t work, I am sure my men could arrange a facial rearrangement for him.” Lao wiped his face with a napkin, stating that the conversation was over, while Poppy looked at Toph with concern spread over her face. She didn’t agree with Lao’s ways, but that didn’t mean she did anything to stop him.
“You will not even look in his direction, let alone send your men to him! Father, we both have discussed the situation! Please listen to me! I don’t want to buy a father for my baby! I have not come here for that! I only ask that this child be treated with as much love as Lin.. Father, I sincerely request you to not make this an issue that can be handled by money or violence..” Her initially rash tone softened towards the end in hopes that her father would once again come around. It was hard enough for them to accept Lin. And here she was, asking for their acceptance again. She let out an exasperated sigh. Her father got up and turned to leave at her response.
Lao used to handle her with more strictness when he was younger. Age had caught up to him. He didn’t have the strength for arguments that lasted 2-3 hours at a stretch. Had he been much younger, he would have railed her about the disgrace it would cause his empire, that Toph had given up without batting at eye; He would have screamed at her to think about her parents atleast once while she would be indulging in things that would result in such situations; He would have resorted to violence, sending his men to the guy in question, letting him know noone had the right to leave his daughter, until she wanted them to. But the old man could only muster up a few words that he spoke with utmost calmness. The love and pain of a father could be felt in his tone. “Why didn’t he love you back? I don’t agree with your actions, but you deserve love, Toph. How did he find the courage to leave someone like you?”
This exactly was the reason Toph could never leave her parents. They were twisted, more than the average parents, but they had their own way of loving her. She was mature enough to understand that. After all, she loved them and missed them too. Not to mention the sadness that filled her heart whenever she felt she had disappointed them. She got up and reached out towards her father’s arm, and found him taking her hand in his gently. She knew he was becoming softer with age, but she never had any intention of taking advantage of that.
“That’s not true, Father. He loves me with every heart beat that he takes. He has filled my heart with more love than I could have asked for, it will be with me for eternities. However, It is complicated. We can’t be together, and we have accepted that now. But that doesn’t diminish the love we shared. He is still going to be in my life, I am not going to be alone. Please, don’t worry. But I need you and mother, I need you to be there for me, Please, Father.. don’t leave my children.. don’t leave your daughter..” she almost pleaded to him, and Poppy teared up silently behind them. Lao pulled Toph into an embrace and stroked her hair gently.
“Oh, my child, I could never leave you. Don’t you know that by now? Or do I need to erect my own statue next to yours to remind you the real reason metal bending was invented in the world? Toph let out a gentle laugh, and even Poppy managed to give out a little smile amidst all the water works.
Toph was bad at showing affection. Her father was worse. So within a few seconds he found himself feeling awkward in the embrace and decided to let go of his daughter. “Alright, it has been a heavy night indeed. Toph, you should take rest now, don’t make my grand child suffer because you couldn’t keep even “The One” in your life.” Toph sighed with contentment, the contentment of knowing that her father had accepted her child and her, and now all she would have to face is his brutal sarcasm. Thank heavens that he was old and the anger had dissipated into sarcasm now. Had he been younger, she would definitely fear being disowned by them. Though she was independent, she still had no intention of becoming an orphan. She loved her parents no matter what they put her through.
As she made her way to the bed, she felt her stomach. She wondered if her mother was right. When she had reached home, her mother had complimented on the rosy glow on her face. Even the greatest Earth Bender had moments when she wondered how she looked, especially in moments such as this. Had her mother known that she was pregnant, definitely the words wouldn’t have come out.
She sat on the bed, and bent a certain space rock bracelet off her right foot. After Sokka and she decided to separate as a couple, she knew that if she would wear her most cherished meteorite bracelet, it would make things harder for him. But she couldn’t part with it if her life depended on it, so she did the next best thing, and started wearing it as an anklet. This way, she could keep appearing strong in front of Sokka. Little did she know, that he knew her better than that, and had already seen it on her ankle the morning he left, but had decided to not say anything. How he loved her silently but deeply, was just one factor among the million that made Toph fall for him, and yet, she still thought she was good at hiding things from him.
As she laid down, memories of some of the most intimate conversations that she has had in her life filled her mind. “Last conversations” that turned out to not be the last. Her lying on his chest while they held hands and talked about their plans for their next lifetime.
“Sokka, will you find me in our next life?”
“Toph, it doesn’t work out that way, you know it too.”
“Will you just please.. say something nice? Will you please.. not be skeptical tonight?”
“I wasn’t trying to be.. I wanted to say something else.. But Alright, no matter where I will be, I will find you, and this time, I’ll make you mine. We’ll get married, you know. You’ll wear the most beautiful dress and keep your hair down.. and I will get the most expensive emerald for you. Don’t ask me how I’ll get it, I just will.”
A little chuckle lightened the heaviness of the room.
“But I’m still yours, even if we aren’t together. I can’t explain it, but I’ll always be yours, Sokka. I want you to know that.”
“And I’m yours. Tomorrow when I walk out of this house, I know I will carry your love wherever I go. And I want you to know, that you made my heart beat again. You brought a dead man back to life. I will forever be indebted to your love, till the moment that my heart beats its last. And that’s not just for the sake of saying it, I do mean it. What I initially wanted to say was, I do not know what will happen in my next life or in my future, but I know that I have chosen you. I love you, and no matter who comes in our life, no one will love me like you do. And I am sure that no one can love you like I do. My love will always be with you. Even if you don’t remember my name, or even me.”
Tears fell on his chest. Silent sobs pained his ears and made his eyes tear up as well. They intertwined their fingers tighter thinking about the vows they took.
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He was always the one who was better with words. He made a vow that day, and that tied Toph to him indefinitely. Marriage was a formal institution that she never cared for. But his words, were always honest and straight from the heart. why should they have any lesser meaning? Earlier, she had expected herself to some day be ready to date again, or at the very least, have physical encounters with random men. But now she had accepted, that her desire for romance had found the one. She didn’t have to sleep next to him everyday, or know who he slept with, or where he was during the day or night. She loved him. And she didn’t have to own him to do that.
Just like her, her love was meant to enjoy freedom. And she had started to find a beauty in that. The fact that no matter what Sokka was doing at the moment, or which sea he was sailing currently, that he was hers. And that she was his. Whenever they would meet, nostalgic smiles and pained hearts would take over. But even when they didn’t, he still conquered every corner of her heart. Had there been a love so deep? That its intimacy would deepen even with no future? She almost sounded like she was proud of it. She had to be, because she was right. And she knew, that Sokka would always agree with that. After all, they were carved from the same stone.
And so she fell asleep once more, remembering how much she was loved, even if it was from all the way in the Southern Water Tribe. She would wait for him to return to Republic City. After all, he promised he wouldn’t leave her alone in this even though she told him a million times that she would be able to manage by herself. And he was a man of his words. Once he committed to anything, he would see it through. And to her, every promise, every dream he vowed, he had made it happen. She looked forward to hearing his voice once again as she fell into deep slumber, and unbeknownst to her, the bracelet remained in her hand, tucked close to her chest.
When her mother came to wake her up the next day, the bracelet in her hand told her enough about who the father of this child was. She knew where it was from, and who. But this time, she took a stand. She preserved the secret from her husband, and even Toph. That was the reason she was extremely calm when Sokka held Suyin after she was born. After all, Poppy couldn’t possibly separate a father from his daughter, could she? And so she kept the secret everytime Sokka held Suyin during her naming ceremony, when Suyin would tell her grandparents tales about ‘Uncle Sokka’ and even when Toph’s face would blush whenever his name came up.
Families are complicated. No one knew that better than Toph. But her parents loved her, and she knew that as well. After all, over years, she was able to understand that her mother was aware who the father was herself. But she still kept the secret to protect Toph. And for that, she would always be grateful.