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Natasha was officially over D.C. So over it. She was done with being in the public eye, done with dealing with the S.H.I.E.L.D. fallout, done with her shoulder aching with pain whenever she so much as drew a breath. The minute her last meeting let out, she literally hit the ground running. New York was calling to her.
Natasha had always prided herself on concealing her true emotions in front of others; it was half of what made her so good at what she did. Which wasn’t to say it didn’t come with a price. She had been terrified more often than not during her stint in D.C., and it felt like a dam was about to break inside of her. She had to get someplace safe before it did… and she only had one place that felt completely safe. I want Mommy and Daddy, she thought to herself, the instinct kicking in before shame could silence her train of thought.
She didn’t call Pepper or Tony to share her plans, couldn’t even think about them or their faces or their voices on the short plane ride to JFK… because she knew if she pictured Pepper’s warm smile or Tony’s strong arms around her for just a second too long, she would break and it would all come pouring out of her. She clung to her Black Widow persona, just as she had been trained to do, projecting nothing but a cool, calm resolve onto her features.
She kept the mask on as she hailed a taxi, directing the driver to take her to Avengers Tower. As the distance to her sometimes-home grew shorter, Natasha could feel her pulse increase. Soon she would be in her lovers’ arms and they would take care of her and everything would be okay. She took a deep breath.
Natasha entered the lobby, giving the briefest of looks to the receptionist who nodded in response, knowing better than to question the Black Widow. She bounced on her heels in the elevator, trying to be patient as it reached the floor housing Pepper’s executive office. It was the middle of the workday but Natasha didn’t care, she needed to see her Mommy. Her shoulder throbbed and her heart pounded and she kept seeing flashes of Bucky shooting at her whenever she closed her eyes. She let out a small whimper just as the elevator doors opened and practically ran to the closed doors of Pepper’s office. Natasha threw them open without a thought, only to reveal Pepper and Maria Hill deep in discussion about Stark Industries’ security plan.
The conversation in the room suddenly ceased as Natasha entered, catching herself and slowing her momentum as best she could.
“Natasha?” Pepper questioned, surprise evident on her face. “I… thought you were still in D.C.”
Natasha met her eyes for a moment and then looked down, helpless to fight the emotion that was bubbling up in her throat. She clasped her hands behind her back tightly, attempting to keep her composure.
“Romanoff,” Maria acknowledged before Natasha had a chance to reply. “How’s the shoulder?”
“Um… I wrapped some things up down there and I, uh, guess I wanted a change of scenery.” Natasha drew a breath, looking anywhere but Pepper’s face. “And the shoulder’s doing fine, thanks for asking.”
“Maria and I need to finish up here, so if there’s nothing urgent--”
Natasha could feel Pepper’s gaze upon her as she spoke, and she thought she might actually burst into tears right where she stood. She dug her nails into her palms instead.
“--why don’t you wait for me upstairs.” It was clear that it wasn’t a suggestion.
Natasha’s heart sank. She’d waited so long and the idea of waiting any longer was almost unbearable. “No problem,” she managed, turning and exiting the office almost as fast as she’d entered it.
Natasha closed the door behind her, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. It felt like her adult persona was slipping off of her, against her will, dripping off second by second. Pepper’s dismissal sure didn’t help, even though Natasha understood it from a rational point of view. The problem was, there currently wasn’t very much of her rational self left. She needed someone, someone to hug her and let her cry and tell her everything was okay.
She got back in the elevator, shaking and wiping at her eyes as she entered the code to reach the penthouse at the top of the tower. Tony might be there, she reassured herself. Natasha imagined running into her Daddy’s arms and him never letting her go.
“TONY?” Natasha yelled as she stepped out of the elevator, her voice breaking. Then, in a smaller voice, “...Daddy?”
But no one came. Natasha slumped down against the wall, the final blow of disappointment finally triggering her tears in full. She sobbed into her hands, pulling her knees up to her body and rocking herself until she could catch her breath again. Mommy said she would come up soon, Natasha reminded herself.
So she sat there, unmoving, for what felt like hours. It couldn’t really have been hours, could it? Natasha thought she should probably get up and at least do something with herself while she waited, but the last of her energy had flowed out of her with her tears, and moving seemed too difficult. She hugged her knees, trying to be patient, but with every minute that passed she just kept feeling smaller and littler and more useless.
To add insult to injury, Natasha suddenly felt the familiar sensation of a very full bladder. She wondered why she was only realizing now that she had to pee so badly… sometimes it happened this way when she was feeling little. Natasha knew that she should just get up off the floor and go use the bathroom, but even standing seemed like an impossible task. Not ‘til Mommy or Daddy were here with her and she was safe again. All she could do was hug her knees and rock, and wait.
After a few more minutes of trying to ignore her body’s signal, Natasha started to get anxious. Part of her wished she had a diaper on, then she wouldn’t have to worry at all, but she didn’t. She hadn’t worn one in ages, and she missed their softness against her skin and how safe they made her feel. If Mommy or Daddy were here, they would pick her up and take her to the potty and she wouldn’t have to be scared and alone.
But they weren’t here, and Natasha’s bladder felt like it was about to burst. She crossed her legs. Where was Mommy? Natasha knew good little girls were supposed to be patient, but she needed Mommy NOW, and she didn’t know what to do. She felt panic start to bubble up inside her chest again, and she told herself she was being stupid and she should just GET UP. But the more she yelled at herself the more paralyzed she felt, until her bladder finally gave out. The urine quickly soaked through her underwear and the seat of her pants, until Natasha was sitting in a warm puddle.
She still couldn’t move.
“Natasha, I’m sorry, I--” Pepper began, stepping out of the elevator. Her sentence cut off when she laid eyes on Natasha, still huddled against the wall, trembling.
“What happened, honey?!” Pepper rushed to kneel down beside her, her hand moving to smooth the hair out of Natasha’s tear-stained face. “Oh Tasha, it’s okay, tell me what’s going on.”
Natasha knew she should be embarrassed, but she was so relieved that Mommy was finally here that it overwhelmed all other feelings. It was so overwhelming that she couldn’t answer her with anything but a sob, fresh tears seeping out of her eyes.
Pepper pulled her into a hug, rubbing Natasha’s back. “Shhh, you’re okay, you’re okay,” she repeated in a soothing voice. “Take a deep breath, just relax, I’ve got you,” Pepper urged her, not breaking the hug until Natasha’s sobbing quieted and she was able to draw in a few shaky breaths.
Natasha looked up into Pepper’s worried eyes. “I missed you, Mommy,” she confessed as new tears rolled down her cheeks. She didn’t want to say anything else, but she could see the alarm on Mommy’s face. She’d never had an accident like this, not without a diaper on… what if Pepper was angry at her? “I missed you too much and I couldn’t move and then I… I couldn’t go by myself and--and my pants are wet,” Natasha stammered, lowering her gaze to the puddle on the floor.
“It’s okay, I understand. I missed you too, babygirl. Mommy’s here to take care of you now, and Daddy… well, Daddy should be home tonight, but you know how he is,” Pepper ended with an exasperated sigh, and Natasha smiled for what felt like the first time in a really, really long time.
“Daddy’s been missing you too, you know,” Pepper added, and the affection in her voice made Natasha feel all warm. She didn’t understand how she deserved their love, but they made her feel good and special and safe, and now it was like she needed them. Natasha couldn’t remember ever needing people like this, and it was taking some getting used to.
“Now we’re gonna go take a shower and then get you into something comfy.” Natasha wished Daddy were here to carry her, but she settled for taking Mommy’s hand and letting Mommy lead her over to the bathroom. The wet fabric of her pants and underwear stuck to her skin as she walked, and she was uncomfortable and cold until Mommy helped her undress, throwing her clothes into the hamper. Once Natasha was naked, Pepper took off her own clothes and turned on the shower. She let it warm up for a moment, and then took Natasha’s hands and helped her step into the tub.
“Oh, we need to be careful not to get this wet,” Pepper commented, brushing her fingers lightly over the bandage on Natasha’s shoulder where the bullet had entered her. It was healing well enough but it seemed to hurt more whenever her attention was drawn towards it.
The warm water and steam felt good, washing away the last signs of her accident, but having her bare skin against Mommy’s felt even better. The heat made Natasha feel even more listless than she had felt before, and she slumped against Pepper.
“I’ve got you, Tash,” Pepper reassured her, holding Natasha against her and angling their bodies to keep Natasha’s bandage out of the stream of water. After washing them as best she could with Natasha in her arms, Pepper said, “I need to let you go, baby, so I can wash our hair. Okay?”
But Natasha didn’t feel strong enough to stand on her own and sat down in the tub instead. Pepper seemed to understand, bending down to lather up her hair after doing the same to her own. With the extra shampoo she moved her hands down to clean between Natasha’s legs. It always felt so nice when Mommy touched her, like she could melt into her hands and stay there forever.
Eventually Pepper pulled her back up so they could rinse their hair. Natasha clung to her again, hiding her face in Pepper’s neck even as the water rained down on them. “Mommy, I didn’t mean to have an accident, really… are you gonna tell Daddy?” A new wave of anxiety rushed through her suddenly. Mommy hadn’t punished her, but what would Daddy think? She didn’t want to be a bad girl.
“Tasha, Daddy needs to know what’s going on with his little girl so he can take care of you. But I promise you he won’t be mad.” Pepper rubbed her back reassuringly. “Did you know that Daddy used to have accidents when he was a little boy?”
Natasha’s eyes widened and she lifted her head up in surprise. “Really?”
“Mmm-hmm. He told me some stories after we started taking care of you. Even Daddies can be vulnerable sometimes, you know.” She paused. “Now let’s dry off before we start to get all pruny…”
Pepper helped Natasha out of the tub and grabbed a fluffy towel, drying the two of them off. She wrapped Natasha in the towel and put her own clothes back on. “What would you like to wear, Tasha?” Pepper asked as she took Natasha by the hand and led her into the master bedroom.
“Ummm… kitty pajamas.” It was her favorite, a fleece footy onesie with pink and purple kitty cats printed on it.
Pepper took the towel and laid it on the bed. “Up you go,” she gestured, Natasha climbing on top of it. “Honey, it’s too warm out for those PJs right now. Let’s see what else we’ve got…” She started looking through the special section of the walk-in closet that housed Natasha’s little things.
“But Mommy, I want the kitties,” Natasha protested, wearing her most pitiful expression.
Pepper came back out with her Minnie Mouse sleep t-shirt and shorts set instead. “No, baby, you’ll get too hot.”
“But I like--”
“Tasha,” Pepper warned, “No arguing. Daddy might be a pushover, but Mommy knows what’s best for you.” She gave Natasha a quick kiss on the cheek. “Speaking of which…”
Pepper went into the closet once again and came back with a diaper in hand, prompting Natasha to lie back on the bed. Admittedly she felt relieved. Most of the time Natasha chose whether or not she wanted to be diapered, but it felt so good to have Mommy make the decisions for her.
She slid her thumb into her mouth while Mommy got her into her diaper, feeling more relaxed than she had felt in days… weeks… maybe months. Pepper pulled the shorts up over it, and then she sat up so Pepper could put the t-shirt over her head.
“Mommy, when’s Daddy coming home?” she wondered.
Pepper sat on the bed next to her, gently combing Natasha’s hair. It felt nice; she closed her eyes.
“I don’t know, babygirl, hopefully sometime tonight… he’s been working extra hard since this whole Hydra fiasco.”
“We can have fun without him, right, Mommy? What do you want to do?”
Pepper finished combing her hair. “Well, I think someone needs a nap, and sadly I still have some work I need to get done.”
“I don’t,” Natasha protested, fresh anxiety blooming in her chest. “I don’t want to sleep, I want to stay with you.” She knew it was silly, but the thought of being in a room alone was somehow too much for her right now. “Please. Please, Mommy.” Her throat was getting tight.
Pepper ran her fingers through Natasha’s hair. “Sweetheart, you’re exhausted. I can see it all over your face.” Her voice was gentle but firm, and Natasha knew she was losing the battle. A tear ran down her cheek. Mommy was right, but she still didn’t want to.
“Come with me, I want to show you something,” Mommy said, taking Natasha’s hand and leading her into the living room. Next to the couch was a rocking chair. She hadn’t seen it before; they must have gotten it while she was in D.C. She squeezed Mommy’s hand.
“Why don’t you sit and try it out while I get you a bottle, and then we’ll rock until you’re very sleepy. You can nap on the couch and I’ll do my work in here. What do you say?” Mommy’s hand came to her cheek, wiping away the remnants of her tears.
Natasha gave a small nod, bringing her thumb up to her mouth as she released Mommy’s hand and climbed onto the chair. She liked the motion of rocking; it soothed her nerves. And there were few places she’d rather be than on Mommy or Daddy’s lap. They’d clearly bought the rocking chair just for her, and affection swelled in Natasha’s chest. She hoped Daddy was coming home soon so they could all be together.
Natasha stood up when Pepper came back with her bottle. It was full of water, and Natasha realized then how thirsty she was. Maybe all that crying had dehydrated her. “Come here, my love,” Pepper said, and Natasha eagerly curled up on her lap. It was times like this when Natasha really didn’t mind being short -- it allowed her to fit nicely in Mommy’s arms, laying her head against Mommy’s chest.
Pepper held the bottle as Natasha began to drink, happy to have the nipple in her mouth. The water was cool and refreshing, and the nipple prevented her from gulping it down all at once. She felt her body begin to relax as Mommy rocked them in the chair, her free hand stroking Natasha’s back and arm. The rhythmic rocking and suckling seemed to steady her, and she could feel Mommy’s steady heartbeat. For a nice moment she felt like everything really would be okay.
Natasha was still nursing the bottle when she felt the pressure of a full bladder once again. This time she knew it was okay to let go; she was safe and protected. She finished off her bottle as her muscles relaxed, the diaper soaking up her urine. It felt warm and heavy under her now, and Natasha squirmed a little with the sensation. She wondered if Mommy knew, if she could feel the warmth through their clothes. It was still hard and embarrassing for Natasha to come out and tell them when she was wet, and her skin flushed a tiny bit.
Pepper didn’t say anything though; she put down the empty bottle and continued rocking Natasha until her eyes closed. She began to hum a soft lullaby, encircling Natasha in her arms. “That’s my good girl,” Pepper whispered to her as she felt herself start to drift into sleep.
Natasha wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but she stirred when Pepper stroked her cheek and said, “Okay, Tasha, we need to change your diaper and then you can sleep on the couch.”
She gave a little whine in protest; she really was sleepy now and so comfortable and she didn’t want to move. “C’mon,” Pepper nudged her.
“But Mommy--” Natasha started. She didn’t even want to open her eyes, and her diaper felt okay, couldn’t she just move over to the couch?
“No ‘but Mommy’s,” Pepper said, cutting her off. “I know you’re tired, but you can’t go to sleep wet. And Mommy still has some work she needs to do. Now let’s go.”
Natasha gave a pout, reluctantly opening her eyes and climbing off Mommy’s lap. She rubbed her eyes with one hand, bringing the other to her mouth so she could suck her thumb while she followed Pepper back to the bedroom.
Pepper helped Natasha out of her shorts and then laid a towel down on the bed. She climbed up on it as Pepper went to retrieve a new diaper and the wipes from the bathroom. Being changed used to fill her with embarrassment, and she still felt a pang of it, although now she reveled in the intimacy of the process. She trusted Pepper and Tony to take care of her, and she had to admit to herself that it felt good.
Pepper was always calm and warm and affectionate when she changed Natasha… Tony could be a bit more flustered, but even he was getting the hang of it. Pepper was always teasing him about how much being a Daddy suited him, and the thought made Natasha smile.
“Hi, sweet girl,” Pepper said with warmth in her eyes, giving Natasha her own smile. Natasha squirmed a little. She supposed a clean diaper would actually feel pretty good; this one was starting to get cold now.
Mommy untaped it and grabbed a wipe, gently cleaning her off before reaching for the new diaper. Natasha quietly sucked her thumb, watching as Pepper prompted her to raise her hips and slid it under her bottom. She taped up the sides, snug but not too tight. “There we go, nice and dry,” Pepper said, leaning down to kiss Natasha on the cheek. She deposited the wet diaper in the diaper pail and helped Natasha put her shorts back on. “Now it’s really naptime, young lady.”
Natasha pulled her thumb out of her mouth so she could reply, “Okay, Mommy.” She felt little and soft and safe, and Mommy was here to take care of her. She could sleep now.
Natasha curled up on the couch under a quilt, sucking her thumb slowly as her eyes drifted shut again. The soft padding of the diaper made her feel cozy and secure, and she knew Mommy would stay close by.
She dozed in and out as she listened to Pepper move about the room. She tried to fill her thoughts with nice images of being curled up with Mommy or Daddy, but visions of everything that had happened in D.C. kept pushing their way in. Like when she thought Fury was dead, and the building collapsing on her and Steve, and the feeling of the bullet penetrating her shoulder…
Natasha awoke silently, but with a start. As she tried to lower her heart rate she took in her surroundings and focused on the calm voices she heard. They were talking in a friendly, relaxed tone, and Natasha reminded herself that she was in a safe place.
“She’s been down for a couple hours,” she heard Pepper say. “Why don’t you wake her up--”
“Okay, I’m on it.”
“--Gently, Tony--”
“Yep, sure thing.”
“--And check her diaper, please.”
“You got it, sugar lips.”
Natasha smiled, knowing Pepper was rolling her eyes. If she was being perfectly honest, Natasha kind of liked that they bickered. It made their relationship as her ‘parents’ seem even more real. Plus, it was usually adorable.
Tony came over to the couch and his eyes met Natasha’s. “Well whaddaya know, someone’s already awake. Hi, kiddo.”
He sat down next to her on the couch, and Natasha immediately crawled into Tony’s lap. “I missed you too, princess,” Tony said as he slid a hand into Natasha’s shorts, feeling her diaper. She was dry.
“So… no more S.H.I.E.L.D., how ‘bout that?” Tony said as his hand came up to stroke Natasha’s back.
“Tony,” Pepper cautioned from across the room, the playfulness gone from her voice. “Can you not…?”
“Right. Sorry. She’s dry, by the way... and Cap did fill me in a bit. I hope he was a good big brother and took good care of you, Tasha.”
Steve as her brother -- she liked the thought. Now there was an image. “He did, Daddy.”
“Good,” Tony replied, “but he also told me that you were very brave, and that I should give you lots of hugs and kisses.”
Natasha smiled against Tony’s chest. “He did not.”
“Okay, maybe not that last part, but you’re still getting them,” Tony said, kissing her on the cheek.
Pepper came over and sat next to them then. “I agree,” she commented, smoothing down Natasha’s hair. “I don’t think we can let you leave here until you’ve had more hugs and kisses than you can handle.”
Suddenly Natasha’s throat was tight again and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, although she didn’t know why. She fisted her hands in Tony’s shirt as her breath caught. It was funny, she felt safer than she had in ages, and now she was crying. Maybe it had to do with the contrast -- the safety of being with Pepper and Tony somehow shining a bright light on the danger of the situation she’d gone through recently. For so long, for so many years, that danger was her norm. But now...
“What’s wrong, Tasha?” Tony asked, beginning to slowly rock her. “Mommy was just kidding about the whole not letting you leave thing.”
Natasha sniffled. “It’s not that. I don’t know…” She felt her tears start to soak into his shirt.
“Baby, oh babygirl,” Mommy said in a soothing voice. “We’re here for you, and it’s okay to feel however you feel. Okay?”
“Okay.” She turned her face and looked into Pepper’s eyes. And Natasha believed her.