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“Have you been lonely?” That question wouldn’t stop bouncing around in Thomas’s head. He held up the orange master George had given him looking at it closely “If I had someone to talk to, someone who actually understood I wouldn’t be in this position.” Thomas said out loud to the orange - But he had no one. He had made sure of that. Yes Miss Baxter tried, Andy, even Anna and Daisy did occasionally but they wouldn’t understand - they aren’t like him.
“Not everything they try to do fails. I volunteered to be in the royal medical corps in the war. Thought it would keep me away from the front or at least not in the line of fire. It didn’t.”
Thomas looked at his scarred left hand for a moment. Someone had taken the glove off it probably to wash it. That would make sense. Would they have taken it off him if he had died or just left it on as he always wore it? He wouldn’t of known either way so would it of mattered?
Thomas pushed those thoughts away and started to talk to the orange again.
“I tried to get away from here, start a business after the war. I got tricked, had by a swindler, I lost all my savings and ended up crawling back here again no higher up than I was before.”
“Used that’s what I am, used” Thomas continued his rant. He was waving his arms about a bit now, careful not to accidentally throw the orange but ignoring the mild pain from his wrists.
“Philip used me. I loved him you know. I did and I think he loved me at the start. I thought we had a future together - a valet and a lord - what a fool I was. He used me for a summer, for his entertainment, just a young dumb working class lad with no defence if things went wrong. Well, that’s not entirely true I had the letters but he burnt them. Right in front of me. The story of our love up in flames. Burning before my eyes.”
Thomas flopped his arms back down on the bed defeated and sighed.
“I’m not a stranger from being burnt by love. Jimmy. He didn’t use me but I still ended up laid up in bed, battered head to toe from trying to protect him. Bloody hell even that Turkish diplomat Pamuk used me to get to Lady Mary!” Thomas said louder than he meant to but no one else was upstairs only him and the orange.
“O’Brian. Where to even start with O’Brian.” Thomas stared at the orange and shook his head thinking about all of the chaos him and O’Brian had caused together and how she had betrayed him.
“She was my friend, probably my only real friend for a long time. We worked well together until her nephew arrived. She knew how hard I worked to be a valet - more than anyone else - and she expected me to give Alfred a shortcut. I said no he should have to work like I did. He can’t just get here and stumble backwards into one of the highest roles in service! She didn’t like that. He had no right to that job, yes maybe I shouldn’t of caused him to burn a hole in Matthew’s jacket but if he was qualified he would of known what to do!"
Thomas turned the orange round and round in his hands, starring at it but not really focusing on it while he spoke.
"They conspired against me. She hid his lordship's shirts, got me into trouble. I started a rumour that she was leaving and as pay back she lead me on with Jimmy. I should of known it was to good to be true. She tried to convince him to get me fired or at least let go without a reference. I considered going to Bombay. Sometimes I wish I had. In the end Bates of all people helped me put her back in her place with a little reminder of her past actions. She left shortly after I tried to protect Jimmy, ran away with Lady Flintshire at Lady Rose’s ball to go to India.”
“I suppose Jimmy counted as a friend in the end. He said he could handle being my friend. Then he was caught in bed with Lady Anstruther when there was a fire and had to leave the day after that. I tried to stop him from being found but I couldn’t.”
Thomas stopped again and leant back in his bed. He started talking again a bit quieter and calmer but still with a slight hint of annoyance in his voice.
“Phyllis Baxter. It doesn’t matter how much I try to push her away, even after how badly I treated her she still seems to want to look after me. She and Andy saved me, stopped me from bleeding out and got me a doctor. She must see something in me that I certainly don’t.”
The tray of food Anna had brought up was getting cold now but Thomas had completely forgotten about. “Flu that’s what they think I have the flu” he laughed to himself and looked up to the ceiling as if it would give him the answers the orange still in his hand. He looked back down at the bed and chuckled at the ridiculousness of it all.
“I’m sitting here telling an orange my problems. Maybe I’m going mad.” He smiled as he passed the orange form one hand to the other and back again.
“I suppose Master George was right though it has made me feel better.”
Thomas stared at the orange again but this time with the smallest curve of a smile on his face.
“He is kind, all of the children are. Miss Sybbie is just like her mother and little Marigold is following the others lead. They’re friendly to me more than some of the people I’ve worked with for years but then I haven’t really helped myself with that have I.”
Thomas sighed again then had a look around his room before looking back at the orange.
“I suppose this could be a second chance, a chance to start a new with everyone. Miss Baxter is determined to be fond of me even after everything I’ve done against her and Andy is trying to be friendly again after everyone put him off me.”
“I’ve spent a lot of time with the people here. Most of them have know me since I was a boy. I’ve grown up here really. Maybe I could show them all I can change prove that they’re wrong about me. I don’t know. Maybe things will get better some good fairy will come down on a moonbeam and fix everything.”
Thomas laughed a little at that thought and finally put the orange down on the chair beside his bed and picked up the now stone cold tray of food. He decided not to drink the tea but the soup wasn’t too bad cold. He would have to say thank you later but for now he going to read some of more of his book and have a good rest with the orange sitting silently beside him.