Work Text:
“Aizawa-sensei?”
The man looked up at him from the paper he’d been reading. “What is it, Problem Child?” He asked.
“Do you remember when pro-hero Hawks came to help with a class? And he said he could come back if someone wanted to talk with him? You know, about stuff?” Midoriya started, nervously fidgeting with his hands as he talked. His teacher nodded his head wordlessly, so the teen continued, “Well, um, do you think you could tell him I want to talk to him?”
Aizawa regarded him for a moment. “Do you want to have a serious conversation with him, or do you want to ask him fanboy questions? Because I can only request that he visit for certain things, per our agreement.” He asked seriously, and Midoriya supposed he couldn’t hold it against his teacher for suspecting he would want to fanboy over the number two pro hero.
Because of course he did; when didn’t he? But for once, that wasn’t his primary motive. “N-no! It’s about something serious,” He promised, holding his hands up placatingly.
“I’m trusting you that it is,” Aizawa replied. “I’ll talk to him today, but I don’t know how long it will be before he can come.
“Until then, I will remind you that UA has counselors that you can talk to if you need to speak with someone sooner. I understand you may not feel as comfortable discussing some topics with them as you would with Hawks, but don’t wait to get help if you need it.” The man said.
Midoriya put his arms down and nodded. He sighed in relief. “Okay. Thank you, Sensei. I will.”
Aizawa hardened his gaze slightly. “I’m serious, Midoriya. Get help if you need it.” He reiterated, and Izuku smiled reassuringly. Or, he tried to look reassuring, at least.
“I promise that I will.”
His teacher stared at him for another moment before he dropped his gaze back to the paper. “I’ll let you know when he’s coming.”
Midoriya smiled again, this time genuinely. “Thank you again, Aizawa-sensei.” He said with a polite bow before straightening up again. He made a quick exit after that, eager to get to his dorm room. Usually, he would hang out with his friends after school in the common area, but he’d told them he had to get some homework done today. Only, he didn’t have any homework to work on.
The green-haired teen put on a smile and waved to everyone as he walked by the common area, then took the elevator up to his room. As soon as he closed and locked his bedroom door, he dropped his bag in his desk chair and flopped belly-down on his bed. Finally, he allowed himself to groan loudly into his pillow like he’d been wanting to do for hours.
The joints in his fingers burned, and the pain brought back the still-fresh memory of his most recent visit to the hospital. Osteoarthritis , the doctor had called it, when he complained that the pain from his last set of broken bones hadn’t gone away. It’s common in repeat fractures .
It may never go away .
His mother had cried at the news. Izuku had yet to process it enough to do so himself. So far, he just felt numb whenever he thought about it. It felt so surreal to be told at sixteen that he’d suddenly developed a lifelong chronic pain condition with no known cure. The doctor had droned on for a bit about treatment goals- remission , he remembered- but he was hung up on the incurable bit.
It may never go away .
He hadn’t told anyone yet, not even All Might. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to. In a way, it felt like admitting that his recklessness had led to a disease was like admitting to being a failure. Because how could he become the number one pro-hero if his hands hurt like hell every time he threw a punch? How could he ever hope to live up to All Might’s legacy now? He was terrified of the answer to that question.
He was hoping that Hawks would be able to help him. What he expected from the hero,- advice? reassurance? solidarity?- he didn’t know, but if anyone was going to be able to offer help, he felt like it would be him. He didn’t know the specifics about Hawks’ disorder, but based on what the man told his class, it’s something he’s had for a long time and it was likely lifelong and incurable as well. They didn’t have the same condition, but he hoped that the similarity would be worth something.
He didn’t know how he would even start the conversation when the time came. Thankfully, though, he still had time before he had to worry about that. For now, he just had to wait until the pro was available.
---
“Midoriya, see me after class,” Aizawa said suddenly, not moving from his place in his sleeping bag.
Izuku jumped at his voice, not having expected him to say anything. The class had been silently working for the past twenty minutes while the man napped, so the statement was very unexpected. For a second, the teen internally panicked and began frantically trying to remember what he’d done wrong lately to earn a lecture from his homeroom teacher. Only, he couldn’t think of anything, and that made him even more nervous.
“Y-yes, Sensei,” He stuttered before returning to working on his assignment.
When the bell rang, he put his things away in his bag, then waited at his desk for everyone else to leave the room. Ochako gave him a puzzled look as she passed him, which he returned with a shrug of his shoulders. Her expression turned sympathetic as she nodded and went to leave.
Midoriya sat still until Aizawa-sensei emerged from his sleeping bag and waved him over, then stood and moved to stand in front of the man’s desk. “You’re not in trouble, Midoriya. Don’t look so nervous.” The teacher said, and Izuku immediately sighed in relief and relaxed.
“What did you want to talk to me about, Sensei?” He asked, now curious.
“Hawks got back to me this morning,” Aizawa said. “He’s free later tonight around six, so he can come to talk to you then if you’re okay with it.”
Izuku felt simultaneous excitement and fear at the news. He was more than eager to talk with the pro hero again; he looked up to the man and any chance to talk with him made his inner fanboy flutter happily. He had also been feeling down for the past few days because of the pain in his hands and really needed whatever wisdom the hero would be able to give him. At the same time, however, he was anxious for the exact same reasons. The idea of having Hawks’ full attention and discussing something so personal was terrifying. And what would happen if the hero didn’t have any helpful advice? He was sure that would crush his spirit.
“If you’d rather talk to him during school hours, we can coordinate another time,” Aizawa added.
“No! Tonight sounds great,” Midoriya said quickly before he could think about it too hard. As nervous as he was to talk to one of his role models, he knew it could take weeks for the hero to be able to come to the school that early in the day. He didn’t think he could handle waiting that long to have this conversation. He couldn’t pass up the chance.
His teacher nodded. “Okay, I’ll let him know, then. I’ll set you two up in an empty room at the staff dorm, just make sure you’re in the common room a little before then. I’ll come to get you.”
“Thank you, Sensei. I’ll do that.”
Aizawa let him head to his next class after that, and he rushed to Ectoplasm’s classroom, desperate for the distraction that classwork would provide him. Though, even working through complex math problems couldn’t completely take his mind off of the fact that number two pro-hero fucking Hawks was coming back to UA that night for him . He’d literally asked for it, and while he’d expected to have a fanboy freak out about it regardless, he had planned on having a little more than a few hours to chill out beforehand. Finding out the exact time the hero was coming less than a day ahead of time left him no time to calm down from the original excited panic before the anticipatory jitters set in, which left him feeling like a nervous wreck for the rest of the school day.
He skipped hanging out with his friends again in favor of finishing his homework early, then puttered around his room, doing anything and everything to occupy himself in the meantime.
Before he knew it, it was already nearing six o’clock, and the anxious teen found himself sitting stiffly on the common area couch while he waited for Aizawa to show up. Thankfully, most of his classmates were elsewhere, likely eating dinner or hanging out outside until curfew, so no one was there to comment on his unusual behavior.
Midoriya jumped out of his seat when Aizawa came in and went to follow the man as he turned around and started walking towards the staff dorms. The walk was only a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity. The trip in the elevator felt similarly. Finally, Aizawa stopped in front of a room at the end of a hallway. He knocked twice before opening the door and motioning for Midoriya to go in.
“Hey, kid!” Hawks greeted cheerfully from one of the couches in the room. He was dressed in his full hero costume and didn’t have his wheelchair with him, which was to be expected considering he had likely just gotten off of a patrol, yet it almost felt weird after the man’s last visit. He had come to associate this side of the hero with his appearance from that day, so it felt odd to see the public image of the pro sitting before him instead.
Midoriya froze just inside the doorway, overwhelmed by the flurry of emotions that assaulted him at the sight of the man.
This was simultaneously the best and worst day of his life.
“No one should bother you two. Take as long as you need. I’ll be in my apartment down the hall if you need me for anything.” Aizawa said, pulling Izuku out of his daze. Hawks gave the other man a thumbs-up, and the teacher nodded before closing the door behind himself as he walked out of the room.
That left the green-haired teen alone with the number two pro hero. He felt like he was going to spontaneously combust.
He suddenly realized that he hadn’t acknowledged the man yet. “H-hello, sir!” Midoriya quickly greeted him in return, equal parts vibrating with energy and shaking with nervousness, before bowing deeply. “Thank you so much for coming to talk to me! I realize you must be incredibly busy, being a pro and all, and I appreciate that you took the time out of your busy schedule to do this. I’ve been so excited to see you again after you came to help with that class!”
The red-winged man chuckled a little at his rambling. He sounded uncomfortable, which was a common reaction to his nervous habit, but it still made him feel worse. Crap, he was already messing this up. “No worries, kid. I offered, remember?”
Izuku straightened up and nodded fervently. “No, you’re right. I’m sorry; I’m just nervous, but also really excited? And I ramble a lot when I’m like that. I can’t help it, I mean I still ramble around All Might even though I’ve known him for over a year now.” He was doing it again. “And I’m doing it again, I’m sorry.” He apologized as he bowed for the second time.
Hawks smiled reassuringly, though he could still see the discomfort behind it. “It’s okay to be nervous. Admitting you need help is really hard, and I’m proud of you for asking for it.”
The praise made Midoriya begin to actually vibrate with happiness. His face began to heat up in response to his own reaction. He was finally starting to understand what All Might meant when he said he fanboyed too much.
He finally moved further into the room to sit down on the couch opposite the hero when the man motioned for him to do so. His hands immediately began to fidget with the hem of his shirt once he was seated, needing to do something as an outlet for all his extra energy. “Thank you, sir! That means a lot coming from you,” He said, beaming with a mix of joy and anxiety.
“You don’t need to be so formal with me. I’m not old enough to be a ‘sir’ yet. Just call me Hawks.” The man said, and Izuku was quick to nod in response.
“O-okay. Sorry, s- Hawks.” He apologized yet again, resisting the urge to bow for the third time when he almost referred to the hero as ‘sir.’ This was incredibly embarrassing. He couldn’t help his floundering when he was so overwhelmed with so many conflicting emotions, though.
Hawks nodded. “So what did you want to talk to me about?” The hero wondered.
Right, they had to talk now. For once, Midoriya sat quietly and stared at the table between them while he tried to decide where to even start. He had so many questions he wanted to ask, both appropriate and inappropriate for the current situation, and all of them felt equally important. He couldn’t pick, to be honest.
“Do you ever feel pain because of your disability?” Was the question that ended up coming out first, and he looked up to the man to see his answer.
To his slight surprise, Hawks nodded. “Yeah, of course. Just because my body is flexible doesn’t mean that it’s meant to move the way it does. I get injured very easily, so something is almost always hurting.”
Izuku nodded as well. That made sense. At the same time, it was odd; the pro never looked like he was in pain, not even on live television when he was fighting villains. He could understand why- it wouldn’t look good for a hero to be in visible pain all the time- but it still awed him in more ways than one. How did Hawks just...deal with it?
“And, um,” Midoriya continued, “d-does it ever, like, make you feel incapable of doing your job?”
He instantly regretted the way he’d asked that when he saw the pro hero tense up. That had not come out right. Before he could rephrase it, though, Hawks answered, “No, I can’t say that it has.” Clearly, he’d made the man even more uncomfortable, if the terse response was anything to go by. He felt terrible.
The teen sighed and dropped his head into his hands, feeling frustrated. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ask it like that.”
“The reason why I ask is because...I-I’ve kinda been feeling like that, lately,” He explained. It felt so odd to express the concern out loud; it made it so much more real, more than it had felt since the thought first popped into his mind. He didn’t like that it did. “I mean, I’m not a hero yet, but…” He sighed heavily. “I dunno, sometimes I wonder if I’ll be able to be a good hero. You know, in the future.”
He looked up hesitantly at Hawks to see his reaction. The man’s expression had softened considerably. Like a switch had been flipped, the uncomfortable tension in the hero’s body disappeared. “I’m assuming you’ve been having pain?” He guessed, and Midoriya nodded.
“I found out not too long ago that I have severe arthritis in every joint below my shoulders.” He admitted, and wow that came out way sadder than he meant it to. Hawks’ eyebrows raised slightly in response, and Midoriya immediately sat up and began waving his hands in front of himself.
“I-I mean, it isn’t that bad, though. I have medicine and a physical therapy program for it, which has been really helpful. It already doesn’t hurt as much as it did when I first got diagnosed, so I’m fine.” He quickly tried to correct himself. It wasn’t working like he’d hoped, because the sympathetic expression on Hawks’ face hadn’t gone away. “It’s definitely not as bad as being bound to a wheelchair.”
“Kid, stop,” Hawks said gently before he could continue. “Don’t do that to yourself.” The hero looked...sad, almost. He didn’t know what to make of that.
“It’s Midoriya,” Izuku said quietly.
“Right, sorry.” Hawks apologized. “I’m sorry to hear that, Midoriya. I know it’s tough to find out you have a chronic condition; there’s nothing wrong with being upset about it. Please don’t compare your condition to mine, it’s not helpful for anybody. Don’t pretend like your struggles are insignificant because you think someone else has it worse than you.”
“But aren’t they?” Izuku asked, surprising himself with the defeated tone that came out of his mouth. He’d been avoiding thinking about this as much as possible, so as he continued talking, it was like he was hearing his own opinion on the situation for the first time. “It’s just some pain, it’s not like I can’t walk or throw punches or do my schoolwork. It’s not even that bad; I’ve felt worse, yet it’s so distracting. I feel like it shouldn’t bother me as much as it does.”
A pained look briefly flashed across the man’s face before he schooled it into one of concern. “You should never feel bad for being bothered by pain. A healthy person doesn’t have any at all, so if you’re hurting, even if it’s a low amount, that’s important.” Hawks explained, and Izuku had to admit that he had a point. It felt so far away now, but he remembered being pain-free before he broke his bones for the first time. “Arthritis is more than just that, too. It’s a disease that needs to be treated, otherwise it will get worse and it’ll hurt more. It’s more serious than you realize.”
“Won’t it just get worse anyway?” Midoriya asked.
“It’s degenerative,” Hawks confirmed with a nod. “And yes, as you get older it will get worse. However, proper treatment will prevent it from progressing as quickly. Some people even go into remission and can be symptom-free for a pretty long time.”
Izuku frowned. He remembered the doctor explaining that to him, but it still didn’t make much sense. He didn’t see the point in delaying the inevitable. The end result would still be the same, so why put in all the effort for nothing?
He must have been broadcasting his thoughts on his face, because Hawks said, “Did you know my condition is also degenerative?”
Midoriya’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”
He smiled. “Yeah, it is. And when I was your age, I was really upset about it for the same reasons you probably are. It feels like your life is already over, so why bother, right?” He hummed, and Midoriya nodded in agreement, awed. “I was born with my condition, and I’m twenty-two. It’s been getting worse for two decades, but I’m still a top-ten hero. I can still walk with my braces, I can still push my own wheelchair, and I can still live independently. Some people with my condition can’t say the same because they didn’t get diagnosed soon enough. I was kinda lucky that it got caught early; I’m sure I’d be in a worse place if it weren’t for that.
“And yeah, sometimes I have bad days. I get still discouraged and upset at times, but most of the time I’m okay. I can still function, and that’s because I’ve been taking my treatment seriously.
“It’s worth the effort, Midoriya.” He said seriously. “Trust me on that.”
Izuku nodded wordlessly in response, still taking in everything the man had said. Hearing that from someone with an objectively worse condition (he knew he wasn’t supposed to compare, but whatever) gave him hope. If Hawks was doing that well, having already lived with a degenerative condition for decades, then he suddenly felt a lot better about his own condition’s outcome. It was also comforting to hear that even one of his idols still got bogged down about things sometimes. It took a weight off his shoulders that he hadn’t known was there, that he didn’t have to pretend that everything was okay all the time.
“What’s your treatment like?” Midoriya wondered curiously about 0.01 seconds before he realized that was probably an invasive question. Hawks immediately straightened up and fixed his posture at the question, and Izuku felt himself begin to panic. “O-oh I’m sorry for asking that. That was rude. You don’t have to answer me.”
“No no, it’s okay,’ Hawks chuckled good-naturedly. “You just reminded me to sit up straight. I’m not mad, though thank you for checking. You probably shouldn’t ask people stuff like that, since some people would find that offensive.”
Izuku’s ears burned with embarrassment. “Yeah, I’m really sorry about that.”
“It’s okay,” He said again. “But to answer your question, it’s not much. Since my condition doesn’t have a cure, all I can do is manage the symptoms. The only preventative treatment is to try not to injury myself, which is much harder than you would think. Something as simple as slouching can cause an injury. Core strength is also really important, so being a hero is actually helpful, in that sense. Hero workouts are much more fun than physical therapy.” He hummed in an amused tone.
Midoriya smiled a little a that. He’d only been doing physical therapy for a little over a week, but he already agreed wholeheartedly with that statement. “Yeah, they are. I’d rather do endurance training than that.”
Hawks laughed. “Yeah, me too.”
“Is there anything else you wanted to ask?”
Midoriya thought for a moment before he nodded. He felt bad asking so many depressing questions, but there was one last thing he needed to know.
“How do you deal with knowing you have to live with your disability for the rest of your life? How did you stop feeling upset about it all the time?”
Hawks blew out a breath. “Well, isn’t that a question,” He huffed to himself, staring off to the side in thought. “Honestly? On the good days, I forget about it. It’s easy to feel like everything’s normal when I’m out living my life. Most of the time, though, it’s a conscious choice I have to make. If I spend all day thinking about how bad things will get when I’m older, then I’m gonna miss out on enjoying what I can do right now.
“It’s like thinking about death; everyone dies someday, but we don’t worry about it all the time. We live our best life instead and do what we can with the time we have left. I try to look at my disability in the same way.”
That was a pretty inspirational way to put it.
“That sounds difficult,” Izuku admitted. “I don’t know if I can do that.”
“There’s a bit of a learning curve,” Hawks agreed. “But you don’t have to be perfect at it. All that matters is that you try. It’ll get better.”
Midoriya sighed and nodded. He could trust the man on that. “Okay.”
Hawks smiled fondly at him. “You’re strong, kid. I know this isn’t fair, but it’ll be okay.”
Tears suddenly sprung into his eyes at the comforting words. Izuku quickly wiped them away, but not before the winged hero noticed. He smiled sympathetically and stood up, making his way around the table to sit down beside the teen. Midoriya sniffled as he watched him, wondering what the man was doing. Hawks wordlessly held his arms out in the offer of a hug, and Midoriya dove forward into it eagerly.
Immediately, he noticed how plush Hawks’ aviator jacket was, then how warm he was under it. Briefly, he wondered if the man felt hot, always having to wear the coat, even in the summer. Then Hawks wrapped his arms around his back, squeezing gently, and he was back to enjoying the hug. He sniffled again, this time letting more tears fall freely as he pressed his face into the hero’s shirt.
Hawks held him for a while and let him cry himself out. By the time Izuku eventually pulled away, the man’s shirt was damp with tears, but he didn’t seem to mind. Hawks patted his shoulder comfortingly, and Midoriya found himself genuinely smiling for what felt like the first time in months. “Thanks.” He sniffled, wiping his cheeks dry on the back of his hand. “I needed that.”
The man returned his smile. “You’re welcome, Midoriya.”
Hawks checked his phone for the time before he stood up again. “It’s getting late, why don’t I walk you back to your dorm before I head home? Since I’m here it’s only fair that I say hello to your classmates, too.”
Midoriya got up as well and nodded. “Okay. I’m sure they’ll be excited to see you.”
“I bet.” He chuckled, smiling.
They turned off the lights in the room and closed the door as they left. They stopped by Aizawa’s apartment to let him know they were leaving (and so Midoriya could thank him again) before heading outside.
After a minute of walking, Izuku asked, “Do you think we could do this again? I feel a lot better now, but it would be great if I could talk to you when I’m having a bad day.”
Hawks hummed thoughtfully. “Lemme see your phone.”
Midoriya pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it, then handed it to the man. He took off a glove to tap at the screen (Izuku had almost forgotten that he wore braces under them) for a few moments before he handed it back. On the screen was a new contact with the hero’s code name and phone number. “You’re one of the only people who know my number. Don’t share it with your friends, okay? But if you need some advice or you’re feeling down and want to talk, send me a text.”
Izuku’s smile nearly split his face in half. “Thank you! I promise I won’t share it with anyone.”
“Good. I’m trusting you, kid.”
They continued walking back to Heights Alliance after that. Well, Midoriya did; Hawks floated the rest of the way on his wings, wanting to save his ‘walking time,’ as the man put it, for when they got to the dorm.
The rest of the short trip passed by in comfortable silence, save for the sound of beating wings. When they arrived at the building, Izuku opened the front door, allowing the winged hero to touch down and walk in first.
Hawks did not hesitate to make a scene as he came into the common area, wings spread wide to catch the attention of everyone in the room. “Guess who came to say hello!” He chirped loudly, smiling widely as most of the students immediately jumped up to greet him.
“Oh my god! Hawks, hi!” Mina squealed excitedly, bounding up to the man to give him a hug.
“Careful, careful!” Hawks laughed, protecting himself with a wing until he was sure she wouldn’t jump on him. “Remember, I’m fragile. Be gentle.” He said, opening his arms to accept the hug.
“Hey, Hawks! What are you doing here?” Ochako asked as she came up to him as well. She waited patiently for Mina to pull away before she hugged the pro herself.
“I was about to head home and thought I should drop by to say hi to my favorite students first!” He replied as he patted the girl’s back. He looked around at everyone for a moment before he asked, “Where’s Tokoyami?”
“Kitchen,” Shoji answered, and Midoriya heard his feathered classmate groan loudly from the other room as Hawks promptly turned and flew around the corner.
“Tokoyami! How’s my favorite chickadee?”
“Hawks, you’re more of an embarrassing father figure than my actual dad.”
“Aww, you think of me as a father figure?”
“No, I don’t.”
“That’s not what I heard.”
Midoriya snorted amusedly to himself as he listened to their continued banter. As he went to join them, he couldn’t help but think about how happy he was that he’d decided to ask for the winged hero’s help. He could see why Tokoyami liked hanging out with him so much (even though he expressively denied that he enjoyed the man’s company.) Hawks was a fun guy to be around.
Maybe he could get the hero to answer a few fanboy questions before he had to leave.