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June 5th, 2010, 9:32 am
She woke up.
She rolled over on the right side of the bed. The left side was designated for Draco.
The rays from the morning sun shone through the half-opened blinds. The sun gave off a warmth that Hermione longed for. It warmed the sheets and she moved her hand to run over the heavy, white comforter that covered the bed.
She sighed, rolling back over to her side and sitting on the edge. Looking at the clock, she realized she woke up earlier than expected. More time to get ready.
10:56 am
She wore a dark green blouse, black dress pants, black flats. Simple. Fitting for today. She stopped wearing red two years ago, she never told anyone the reason. Her makeup was minimal as well, only some blush, mascara, and lip balm. She didn’t need to look perfect for him, she knew he always thought she was beautiful.
This was the first time she cried this day. She cried last night too. She never let more than a couple slip when she cried. Felt as though it went against the bravery she was always meant to have. Was brave even a trait she had anymore?
One look in the mirror and the frown she had thought was pathetic was wiped away as well as her tears. She breathed. She smiled. She looked so happy.
12:00 pm
She had a floo call from Harry. He was constantly worried about her. He tried to be there for her sometimes, he really did.
She didn’t let him.
All she let him say was, “Hi Hermione,” softly, like she was a piece of china that was ready to shatter into thousands of pieces.
“Hi.”
“Are you doing alright today?”
“I’m okay. We’re going on a picnic later today.”
“Hermione…”
“Please don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”
“You have to understand--”
“Understand what?”, this was when their voices started to raise. It always ended like this.
“I don’t want this to end up in an argument,” Harry said.
Harry cared for her deeply. Being friends for years paid off but they weren’t as close as they used to be. Harry loved her like a sister. He was her rock and he wished that she would trust him and talk to him. He wasn’t there for nothing.
“You don’t understand Harry you never will. This day is important to me and obviously him. It’s not fair that you continue to judge me for this every time we talk,” she said, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She was not going to cry, she was stronger than this.
“I do understand. This isn’t healthy, you have to realize that-”
She ended the call.
1:26 pm
Their picnic date was at 6:30. She had it circled in red ink on her calendar for months. It was her husband’s birthday after all.
After the call with Harry that ended like it always did, tears and yelling. She couldn’t remember the last time that they had a good interaction. She couldn’t remember anything good anymore, she later decided it wasn’t worth trying to remember good.
Up until this point, she had only cried twice. Last year in total she cried five times? Ten? She lost count after she cried so hard, she felt like she broke a rib.
She was doing good so far. She was proud. He hated seeing her cry, it was one of the worst things that he had ever seen in his life, he told her once.
He cared so deeply about her. He was the Earth and she was the Sun. Everything he had done, every decision so elaborate, was in favor of her. She turned him into a man who was loving, so caring, a man with true meaning. It’s what he deserved.
No one had expected for the two of them to become a couple, let alone get married. Gods, no one accepted it at first, it even took Hermione time to accept the fact she loved him. Love.
Love is kind, to some. Hermione never pictured herself as someone who would be loved the way she was. They were practically a cliche princess and prince couple.
3:34 pm
She decided to collect some of the food for the picnic. All things that both her and her husband liked. She made some sandwiches and put some small snacks together. She bought a bottle of firewhisky for him, it was his favorite. She couldn’t say that he didn’t have it grow on her.
Three years ago, they had both gotten drunk and danced around their shared flat. They did break a few glasses in their messy dancing but it was one of Hermione’s favorite broken memories of them. They danced for hours, although it felt like minutes. They somehow never got tired of each other’s presence. This night was when he decided to marry her. Obviously, he had dreamt of marrying her, but this one moment, so small and miniscule, meant so much to him. More than she would ever understand.
She packed water as well and noticed her face was wet. Why was her face wet?
She was crying again. Why was she always crying? She thought it was pathetic.
She was stronger than this, she knew she was. He knew she was.
5:44 pm
Slowly, she packed everything together in a small basket. Her plan was to walk to the park. It wasn’t that far from the flat, only 15 minutes at the most if she walked slow. She loved walking, they would walk everywhere together.
She wouldn’t cry anymore. She couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t fair.
6:15 pm
She left the flat. In her hands she carried a basket, and flowers with a small balloon and letter she wrote. She always wrote letters to him, he loved them.
She took the time in this walk to think. She had so much to think about. She had a plan though. Walk up to him, sit down, read the letter, wish him a happy birthday, eat, go back to the flat. The flat wasn’t her home, home was with him.
She’s waited a year for this. To see him again.
She never allowed herself to see him any day besides his birthday, it wasn’t fair to herself.
6:30 pm
Coming to the park, she looked for him. It didn’t take her too long considering he was the biggest in the whole park.
With a smile, she sat down and placed the flowers in front of him. She pulled out the letter and sucked in a deep breath.
“It’s been a year since I’ve seen you. I’ve missed you. I’ve prepared myself for this and I know how much you hate seeing me cry but I’ll try this time. You know I always do.
I think about you everyday. When the sun shines through the blinds to when my eyes force themselves closed at night.
Harry thinks I’ve gone mad since, well I’m sure you know. It’s not my fault or yours. I just need you. I always have. Harry misses you you know? I don’t think he would be who he is today without you.
I haven’t seen anyone still. Ginny stopped talking to me after my birthday last year. Theo, Blaise, and Pansy don’t talk to me anymore, they said I just need space and they’ll give it to me, if giving me space means never coming over or talking to me they definitely kept their word.
I know that you’re always with me. I swear sometimes I still smell you around the house. Mint and pine. I’ll never smell those two things without thinking of you ever again and I curse you for that. I curse you for making me turn into this alone monster who can’t ever live a normal life ever again. But I can’t blame you. I can only blame the universe.
It’s not fair that love isn’t kind to everyone, it isn’t fair that everyone can’t be happy. We had love. It was kind. We had happiness. The key word is has. It doesn’t exist anymore.
I don’t want to live without you but I continue to because I know that you would be upset if I gave up and you wouldn’t allow me to, it wouldn’t be fair either to leave you alone, although look at us now.
I think about you constantly, it is never ending. You fill up my mind and I wish sometimes you didn’t but I cannot begin to imagine how I would be without you. Maybe I would be happy. Maybe I need to accept some things.
Accept that I will never physically feel you again. I will never hear your voice. I will never roll over in the morning and see you sleeping soundly, without a care in the world.
This is a nightmare I never thought I would live.
I love you. I miss you.”
She cried again. She laughed away the tears and looked at the sight in front of her.
“Draco Lucius Malfoy
June 5, 1980 - June 5, 2008
Loving Husband, Friend, and Son”
He had a large angel statue, Hermione picked it out. He was an angel. He is an angel.
She ran her hand over the lettering. This was the moment she accepted that he was gone. Her painful mourning had to stop. She knew he didn’t want her suffering anymore; it wasn’t healthy.
The wind picked up and she knew that he was there.
Picking up a sandwich and pouring a glass of firewhisky she spoke very softly, “Happy Birthday, Draco. I love you.”