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Mista X Giorno and Abbacchio X Bruno
Giorno GIovanna was a 15 year old with a stand called Golden Experience. He wore a fruity pink costume with a heart shape cut out on the chest and ladybugs attached to the outfit as well. He was vibing with his mans named Guido Mista on the couch inside of Polnareff’s ghost turtle.
“Miiiiistaaaa, we’re hungryyyy” Mista’s bullets whined. #3 punched #5 in the face and $5 cried. Mista started crying as well.
“Giorno, I think I’m sad.” He said as he turned to face Giorno Giovanna.
“Aw bby, why you sad?” Giorno asked, worry apparent in his stunning orbs as he asked.
“I don’t know homie, I just want to go fight Diavolo right now.” Mista replied.
“Bruh, you know he’s in an endless death loop, we can’t fight him anymore.” Giorno said, as he started to cry as well. Little did they know that someone had witnessed there crying session. That someone was Jean Pierre Polnareff.
“Giorno.” Polnareff said, interrupting the crying men, “Why you sad?”
“I don’t know, I just miss Bucciarati, I miss when he said that I had the taste of a liar when he licked the sweat off my face that one time.”
“I’M SORRY, WHAT???” Polnareff laughed.
“That’s how we met. I miss him, too bad he was killed to death and died then became a zombie then died again because these hoes can’t stop dying.” Giorno sobbed.
“I’ll give you my heart and soul if you tell us the story.”
“Right, so there I was barbecue sauce on my tiddies…” Giorno trailed off.
“Aw man, I’m gonna have to stop you right there.” Mista said, slapping Giorno across his face.
“WHy? I didn’t finish my story.” Giorno protested, tears filling his eyes again.
“I don’t care, I love you homie. I gotta had to confess.” Mista said.
“O.” Giorno stood up and offered his hand to Mista.
“I wuv u too booboo.” Mista said.
Mista started gross sobbing as if he just saw the saddest tv show ever, tears running down his cheeks as if he was just broken up with and had severe depression from it.
“I’m happy you love me too.” Mista said, holding Giorno’s hand, staring at it like Yoshikage Kira stared at Josuke’s yaoi hands in another story I wrote but that is irrelevant to the plot.
“Will you marry me?” Mista asked, getting down on one knee and smiling up at Giorno, bringing out his stand, #5 holding a diamond ring made of diamonds for Giorno.
“Nah.” Giorno said, crying again.
“Damn, it really do be like dat, at least you aren’t going to murder me and take my body like Dio did in part 1 and then staying in a coffin in the ocean for a hundred or so years, so thank you.” Mista sobbed, tears in his eyes.
“Oh yeah, DIO is my daddy.” Giorno smiled through the tears.
“Oop, really?” Mista whispered.
“Yeah, otherwise I wouldn’t be a JoJo. Well actually for me, it’s GioGio. Anyways would you like anything to drink?”
“Sure…” Mista stood up on the couch and took Giorno’s hand. They exited Polnareff’s turtle and went to Olive Garden.
“Giorno, do you still have that tea that Abbacchio gave you a few months ago?”
“Oh yeah, I do, here, you want some?”
“Sure.”
“That’ll be $200.45 and 45 cents and also one singular frog. Are you sure you want to make this purchase?” Giorno asked, giving the ‘tea’ to Mista.
“Oh. Never mind.” Mista sighed.
“K, more for the jellyfish in my mouth then.”
“WHAT DID YOU SAY???” Trish appeared out of the Polnareff turtle.
“TRISH!!! Where did you come from?”
“I came from the turtle.” Trish cried.
“Ooooh okay.” Mista sat down in the olive garden at a table with Giorno and Trish.
That’s when the ghost of Abbacchio appeared, a whole in his tummy, lookin’ like some donut, which reminded everyone of Kakyoin, RIP MilfHunter666, Poor Jotaro was still depressed from that even though it’s literally 2001, not the 80s anymore so the times have changed a bunch since then but Jotaro is irrelevant to the plot.
Abbacchio starred in disbelief at Giorno, “Why are you still alive!!!” He asked.
“Idfk, I guess it’s cause my stand is so op and so cool that I can’t die. Also I’m the part 5 JoJo and the ladies love me and the men love my theme song. Idk if you have heard that music that plays everytime something baddass happens.” Giorno stated.
“Oh okay, that makes sense. Anyways, I’m marrying a zombie ghost.” Abbacchio said slowly approaching Giorno.
“Oh? YOu’re approaching me?” Giorno sobbed.
“Yeah, I can’t tell you about my zombie ghost friend without getting closer.” Abbachio slowlhy approached Giorno.
“Who is dis man tho?”
“It is…”
“Yes?”
“It’s the man who licked your face that one time”
Giorno and Mista and everyone gasped in surprise.
“HOW DID YOU KNOW!!” Giorno cried, tears streaming down his face, his poor eyes drying up from crying so damn much.
“Cause I was there in spirit.” Abbacchio bowed. “It’s Bucciarati.”
“Oh neato, that’s cool. Can I be the fiance?” Polnareff asked, coming out from his turtle shell.
“Yeah, you can be the maid of honour.” Abbachio started to tear up from the thot of how happy he would be, marrying another dead man.
“Yay.” Polnareff whimpered dramatically.
“Anyways Giorno, I wanted to inform you that Fugo is still a traitor. How dare he betray us and not betray the boss? Like bruh, even Naranciaaaa did it. Then again, that dude dead, like so dead, like hella dead. Oops, that was a spoiler. Anyways, Giorno, Fugo is a traitor, that’s all.” Abbacchio bowed, tears in his eyes.
“O.” Giorno sobbed, “Oh my…”
“Yeee.” Mista flipped off Abbacchio.
“Anyways, let’s go get ready for my ghost wedding.” Abbacchio floated off the ground and flew into the heavens, a melancholy melody playing as he did so.
After that, Bucciarati and Abbachio and Giorno and Mista and Polnareff and Trish all got married. Then Narancia and Fugo got jealous so they married each other but they said ‘no homo’ so they weren’t gay even though… It’s not gay to have a homo bro.
End?