Work Text:
“You look formal.” Phupha comments and Tian can feel eyes roaming on him while he fixes his hair on the mirror. He feels shivers going up his spine, still not used to the looks the Chief is now openly giving him; as if Phupha was caressing him with those strong but gentle hands of his.
From the reflection on the mirror, he looks back at his boyfriend, sitting on the bed. Calling the Chief as his boyfriend, even just in his mind, was something that made his heart soar more than it usually does when he’s around Phupha. He couldn’t help the small smile forming on his face.
“Well, I’m a certified teacher now and I want to take the education here in the village seriously. The kids know I’m still their Phi Seetian but I want to start offering formal education with the children. I didn’t study to become a teacher and come back just to keep playing games with them.”
He fixes the collar of his button down shirt and yes, he normally would have just put on simple clothes to fit in with the village life he did two years ago and it would still be fine. But now he has big plans and big hopes for the future of the village school and one of the first steps is to take his role as their teacher seriously.
As he pats down his shirt, he can feel his scar through it. It’s not visible through the fabric but he can definitely feel it.
One would think that he’d be used to it after 3 years since the incident but it’s still surreal to him that he has a scar on the centre of his chest. If Tian accidentally touches it, he would feel himself flinch up to now, as if his mind has forgotten that having Torfun’s heart didn’t entail such a permanent mark on his body.
“Tian.” Phupha’s voice brings him out of his thoughts and he looks back to find Phupha approaching him, his eyes now landing on his chest, where Tian was still resting his hand on, “about last night.”
Tian straightened up, heat rising up to his cheeks. Was Phupha really going to talk about what happened last night? Wait, was it bad? It was his first time with a man but everyone has told him Phupha never really had anyone at all so-..
A warm hand was suddenly cupping his face and he still can’t believe he is feeling this touch against his skin again. It’s always been like this.. All it takes is one touch from Phupha to ground him and shake off every panic in his mind. Nothing has changed.
“About last night…” Phupha trails off, hesitation in his voice. It isn’t a question but Tian knows Phupha enough to sense that he needs confirmation to go on. Tian nods, encouraging him.
“Were you comfortable with me?”
The question throws Tian off. He blinks in confusion meeting Phupha’s eyes and he can see so much worry and fear in them. Was he making Phupha feel like that the whole time? Did he do something to make Phupha feel that Tian wasn’t safe with him?
“What do you mean?” Tian asks, stepping closer just to give him some assurance, just so Phupa can feel Tian is here with him. They’ve just reunited and he can’t bear to see the uncertainty in Phupha’s eyes.
They went quiet, just holding each other close. Tian can tell Phupha was trying to find his words and he doesn’t push. He just lets Phupha mull it over.
“Does it still hurt you? Your scar?” Tian gets taken aback for the second time but he doesn’t loosen his hold, rather his hands squeeze Phupha’s arms where it has been resting the whole time.
“My scar? No. It never did even back then. Not physically. But it did carry a lot of weight.” Sometimes, even now.
“Last night…. You.. Didn’t take off your shirt and I could feel you flinch whenever I was close to touching your chest. Do you not want me to?”
Just how many times will Phupha surprise Tian this morning. But it wasn’t a bad shock, rather Phupha’s worried, soft voice is full of love and Tian can’t help but feel all the more fond for the man.
He really didn’t even think much of it last night. He just wanted to feel Phupha, hold him close. Savour every kiss, every caress just so he can believe that this is real, this is true. He’s back with Phupha again and he loves Tian. And Tian loves him back. That finally they’re together again.
If he flinched or that he didn’t take off his shirt, it must be purely out of habit. It’s not that he is particularly ashamed of his scar. Yes, he would rather it not be there, so big and obvious. But it’s more that he feels he still needs to keep that part of his body sacred, untouched. That he is still sharing a part of Torfun with him.
He’s learned to live his life the way he wants to, just like Phupha said but he can never truly shake the feeling that this heart…. Isn’t completely his. And so there may not be any physical pain but there is a ghostly, foreign numbness on his scar.
“Tell me what you’re thinking?”
Tian heaves a sigh, “It just feels like I’m disrespecting Torfun if I bare myself, my scar, for someone to see. I’ve never been intimate with anyone since I met you and when last night happened, I guess it never occurred to me that it would be another burden I could feel. As if this heart-..”
“Is not yours?” Of course, Phupha would know.. Would understand Tian. It’s why he’s fallen in love with him so easily.
“When you buried Torfun’s diary yesterday, did you also bury the weight you feel in there?” Tian looks back up at Phupha. “You’ve come so far Tian but you seem to still carry something in your heart.” Phupha’s hand started to move over Tian’s chest and as a reflex, he flinched.
Noticing this, Phupha stopped, his hand just hovering over where the scar is, “Tian, may I?”
Tian searches Phupha’s eyes and he isn’t aware just how much load this scar still weighs on him, not until today. Two years in America and he never thought of it as more than a numbness but now.. Where he is vulnerable with the man he loves, it seems he still has not let this go.
But if there is anyone who can heal him from this, who he can trust the most, it’s Phupha. Phupha would be the one he can bear it all to, ugly scar and all yet he’d make Tian feel like the most beautiful person in the world.
He nods silently again and Phupha gently rests his palm over Tian’s shirt where his scar is. Tian could feel the panic rising up in him but keeping his eyes on Phupha, he slowly finds himself drowning in those comforting and kind eyes. They stay like that for a while, Phupha’s hand over his scarred chest and Tian can tell that Phupha could feel the throbbing of his heart.
“This heart is yours. I think it was always meant to be yours. Torfun… She’s an angel to me, to us, to the village. But her story has ended. Yours though, it still needs to be told. Your story has always been to have her heart so you can continue your story until the end.”
Tian smiles, lifting a hand to rest over Phupha’s hand that is on his chest, “It’s going to take awhile for me to believe that but if there is one thing I know, is that this heart is beating for you. Not because of Torfun’s feelings for you back then but because I love you. This heart chose you. I chose you.”
Phupha smiles softly at him before leaning down to capture Tian’s lips in a soft kiss. Tian lifts his other hand to hook behind Phupha’s neck and he takes that as a signal to deepen the kiss, wrapping his free arm around Tian’s waist to pull him closer.
Kissing Phupha is addictive and Tian can find himself wanting more of it. They share that intimate kiss for a while, savouring the way they feel against each other. The little breaths between each kiss, the way they angle themselves just to fit better, the way every nip sends Tian’s heart beating.
Phupha breaks the kiss and Tian can feel his thumb caressing the scar over the fabric of his shirt, “Will you let me show you that you own this heart? And.. that I want to own it from now on too?”
Tian gently nods, giving Phupha a smile. “I trust you.”
Phupha stays still for a bit, uncertain and unsure but slowly he starts unbuttoning Tian’s shirt, his eyes never leaving Tian’s. He carefully watches for any reaction that will signal him to stop. The fight or flight response in Tian is strong but he allows himself to drown in Phupha’s eyes, finding his comfort in them.
Undoing the last button, Phupha’s eyes follow the scar running all the way down Tian’s chest, smiling fondly, “Beautiful.”
Tian’s reflexes are pushing him to cover himself so badly but the way Phupha stares at him stops him from doing so, “Scars aren’t beautiful, Phupha.”
“They are… Because it’s you. Because this scar brought you to me. This heart brought you to me. It may not have started as your heart, but it is completely yours now, Tian. A heart that I love.”
Phupha leans in again to place a gentle kiss on Tian’s lips before slowly trailing the kisses down his jaw, his neck, his collarbone and.. Tian knows where Phupha is going with this and he calms his breathing because, really, he wants this too. He wants to be able to give all of himself to Phupha metaphorically and physically. He wants to share all of him to Phupha.
As he feels lips reaching his chest towards where the scar starts, he could only feel Phupha’s touch. The gentle grazing of lips, the hands now tenderly holding his waist, the warmth the rest of Phupha’s body radiates against his skin.
Every kiss down his scar was an unspoken compliment, a silent worship, a quiet expression of love coming from Phupha and this is it. This is all he needed to let go of the unease he felt when it comes to his scar. Only Phupha could make him accept this permanent mark on his body and let him see the beauty in it.
Tian wraps his arms around Phupha’s strong back, not realising how he’s already arching and pressing his chest against Phupha’s lips on his scarred skin. His scars usually feel numb but he can feel every touch and caress, breath hitching, spine tingling and he doesn’t want this to stop-
“Seetian! Seetian! Are you there? Are you really back?” A shout from outside broke them apart as if electrocuted, eyes wide in surprise.
“Seetian? Chief Phupha?” Meejoo.
“Maybe they’re still sleeping?” That one is Ayi.
Tian clears his throat, buttoning his shirt up again. He signals Phupha to go and distract the kids as Tian tries to sort himself out again.
Phupha could only smile lopsidedly, leaning in again, “I will if you give me another kiss.”
“Phupha…”
“Please?”
“Chief.” Tian warns but really, how could he resist those puppy dog eyes and pout. He’s never going to resist this side of Phupha, is he? “Okay, but only because I love you.”
He pecks Phupha’s lips and he immediately feels a smile forming against his kiss from his boyfriend.
“I love you too. Also… We’re continuing where we left off later.” He gives Tian a wink and Tian could only shake his head in mirth.
He turns back to face the mirror, fixing himself up and once again his fingers accidentally graze the scar through his shirt but this time, he can only feel the tingles of the kisses Phupha left on his skin.